to Arms bought by him; 'twas at Newmarket, and the first News I heard of the Fire, was at Beverly in Yorkshire.
As to my coming over with the late Duke of Monmouth, it was in prosecution of the same Ends; but the Lord, in his Holy and Wise Providence, hath been pleased to blast all our Undertakings, though there seemed to be a very Unanimous & Zealous Spirit in all those that came from beyond the Seas.
And as to the Duke of Monmouth's being declared King, I was wholely passive in it, I never being present at any publick Debate of that Affair, and should never have ad∣vised it, but Complained of it to Collonel Homes and Captain Patchell; I believe the Lord Gray and Mr. Ferguson the chief Promoters of that.
As to the Temptation of being an Evidence, and bringing others into Trouble or Danger, tho' the meanest person, I alwayes abhorred, and detested the Thoughts of it both when I was in and out of Danger of Life, and advised some very strongly against it, except when under my Distraction in Prison, that amongst other Tempta∣tions did then violently assault me; but through the Goodness of my dearest God and Father, I was preserved from it, and indeed, was wholely incable of doing it for want of True Reason; and could never receive the least shadow of Comfort from it, but thought Death more elegible; I was sometimes, during my Distracted and Disquieted Condition, free from it, though notwithout other Temptations far more Criminal in the sight of men: And I bless the Father of all Mercies, and God of all Consolati∣ons, that I find a great Resignedness of my Will to his, finding infinite more Com∣fort in Death, than ever I could place in Life, tho' on Conditions that might seem ho∣nourable, every hour seeing the Will of God, in his ordering this Affair, more and more cleared up to me; God hath given, and God hath taken; blessed be his Holy Name, that hath enabled me to be willing to suffer, rather than to put forth my hand unto Iniquity, or to say of Confederacy with them that do so. I am heartily and sincere∣ly troubled for what hath happened, many mens Lives being lost, and many Poor Distressed Families Ruin'd; the Lord pardon the Sin he hath seen in it; and he in his wonderful Providence hath made me and others concerned Instruments, not only of what is already fallen out, but (I believe) in hastening some other Great Works he hath to do in these Kingdoms, whereby he will try & purge his People, and winnow the Chaff from the Wheat; the Lord keep those that are his Faithful to the End.
As to my Faith, I neither hope nor look for any Mercy, but only by the Free Grace of God, by the Application of the Blood of Jesus, my dearest and only Saviour to my poor sinful Soul.
My Distresses have been exceeding great, as to my Eternal Estate; but through the infinite Goodness of God, tho' I have many heinous Sins to answer for, yet I hope and trust, as to my perticuler, that Christ came for this very end and purpose, to Re∣lieve the Oppressed, and to be a Physician to the Sick.
I come unto thee O blessed Jesus, refuse me not, but wash in thine own Blood, and then present me to thy Father as Righteous: What though my Sins be Crim∣son, and of a Scarlet Die, yet thou canst make them as White as Snow. I see nothing in my self, but what must utterly Ruin and Condemn me; I cannot Answer for one Action of my whole Life, but I cast my self wholely upon thee, who art the Fountain of Mercies, in whom God is Reconciling him∣self unto the World; the greatest of Sins and Sinners may find an All suf∣ficiency in thy Blood to cleanse them from all Sin. Dearest Father of Mercy