Ignoramus a comedy as it was several times acted with extraordinary applause before the Majesty of King James : with a supplement which, out of respect to the students of the common law, was hitherto wanting / written in Latine by R. Ruggles ... ; and translated into English by R. C. ...

The Third SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT.

They plot how to disguise themselves so handsomely as to personate Torcol, and the servant of the Lawyer Ignoramus, and to be sure to remember the Horn if Ignoramus comes himself▪ Cupes ha∣ving received eight crowns to make his scolding wife more tracta∣ble, doth promise most solemnly his utmost diligence▪ Trico go∣eth to provide Ornaments, and disguises for Cupes and his VVife Polla.

Cupes, Trico.

Cupes.

BOoks, Books, who buyes my books, new books, witty books, witty and new, new and true, come who buyes my books, new books new!

Trico.

You! books, books!

Cupes.

O Trico, I will come to you presently. As I live, I have most pitiful books here to day.

Trico.

Why so?

Cupes.

I cannot sell one of them; prethee stay a little.

Trico.

Make hast then.

Cupes.

Come! who buyes my books, here is the Eele or Grigg of Equivocation, or of the Art of lying confidently cum privilegio, by the Reverend Father in the Divel Andraeas Belzebub, and Jo∣hannes Cyd••nius; come who buyes my books? who buyes Bel∣zebub?

Trico.

No body.

Cupes.

I will sell them to you almost for nothing? for three souce, two souce, one souce, half a souce, a un-grand Diable.

Trico.

Have you the Divels club?

Cupes.

The Divels club —let me see —there is such a book, but it is prohibited, what would you do with it?

Trico.

With that Divels Club I would bea•• out the braines of Andreas Belzebub the Divel of Divels.

Cupes.

Tut, you could not hurt him.

Tric.

Why?

Cup.

His Head and Face is all of steel; Come who buyes my Books; who buyes my book of the way how to hold the Eel of Equivocation by the tayl.

Tri.

By the tayl, by the neck as well; I will buy it, by and by.

Cup.

Come my fine Books. Pellio the Skinner, versipell Pellio or the way of turning the skin by Pellio himself.

Tric.

Prethee name that Pellio no more, lest he spoil our Co∣medy, as heretofore he did the Comedies of Plautus, It makes my heart ake to think of him.

Cup.

I am no body to day.

Tric.

I would I had his skin stuffed with straw.

Cup.

Straw! Hold thy peace. I tell thee Strawes make saints now a dayes; will you have the Apology for Garnet: There is a conceited straw for you.

Tric.

Cupes; There is some hope that you and I may be saints also.

Cup.

What hope Trico?

Tric.

Because we are such very reprobates.

Cup.

Come, my brave books. The Canonizing of Saint Gar∣net, of Saint James Clement, of Saint Rauiliac, all three from the Vatican Library; Here is Schioppius, the Night Owl, Come who buyes Schioppius.

Tric.

Not one buyer all this while—O wonderful!

Cup.

The flatterer or Schioppius, the art of flattering; A manu∣script.

Tric.

Let me see that book: Fie upon't! how it smelleth of the sloven that did compose it? he wrote it with his own Urine.

Cup.

Come who buyes, who buyeth it, I am undone.

Tri.

Enough—you now have read over all your rank poysons.

Cup,

Would these pamphlets were all burnt for me, what have I done? what have I said? that they should undoe me with these paultry pamphlets.

Tri.

Take heed how you trade in them for the time to come; O Wretched writers! O Generation of Scriblers, Incendiaries, Disturbers of the World, Insuarers of the People; Destroyers of the Nobility, Murderers of Kings, and Advancers of the Pope.

Cup.

Away with them all? the Annalls of Volusius, mais quoy

vanno via manniconia; but I have some books here worth any money; Here is the Prologue Caballin, or the Metamorphosis of Messe Davy, also his milleloquy at supper. The tilting of Messe Davy, and his Syn-Coriatical peregrinations.

Tri.

Both he and his books deserve to be tossed together in a blanket.

Cup.

But now, behold my books. Cupes of the art of drink∣ing, inlarged, revised and purged from a hundred faults▪ toge∣ther with an Addition to it, and a Commentary on it. Cupes de cupediis.

Tri.

Doth so poor a man as you love Delicats?

Cup.

I hate these grosse fed Parasites, when I have money, I feed on nothing but choice meats, and daynties.

Tri.

But Cupes, Cupes, long not for Phesants you have scarce two Farthings to buy a half penny Loaf.

Cup.

Why, I may have a good mind to them for all that.

Tri.

And why so Cupes? Are you a Cupedinarian?

Cup.

I was one heretofore, I have been of a thousand professi∣ons; when I was a young man at Paris I was a player.

Tri.

Thou hast made me happy then; for this day thou art to act the part of many persons.

Cup.

At Venice I served a Confectionary; there I made Wafers, Marchpans, Macaroons, Suckets, Dry and VVet, and all manner of Sweet-meats.

Tri.

There you could lick your Fingers.

Cup.

But that which I most affected was at Tholouse, where be∣ing servant to a Vintner, I fragally sipped every day three or four Gallons only of Wine, till at the last my master broke; af∣ter that I ran away into Holland where I carried about an Ape with a Gay Coat on his back; at Rome I was leader to a blind man.

Tri.

He gave you therefore but blind obedience.

Cup.

At Rome? why? He who is most obedient there, is most blind.

Tri.

What did you do in England?

Cup

O la bonne terre d' Angleterre; I first was there a Sowgel∣der in the Country; afterwards I was an under Butler in the Inns of Court amongst the Lawyers.

Trico.

Were you ever in Spain?

Cup.

Never.

Tri.

VVhy not?

Cup.

I cannot be contented with three Raisins for my Supper Trico.

Tri.

'Tis well, but do you remember, what I told you of, even now?

Cup.

I do, and I promise to perform it, by putting on a dis∣guise to personate one Torcol.

Tri.

But with a crooked and a distorted Neck.

Cup.

Why thus▪ how do you the posture?

Tri.

Admirably.

Cup.

Afterwards I am to counterfeit the servant of a Lawyer.

Tri.

But if Ignoramus comes himself, be sure you do remember the Horn.

Cup.

Remember it, I will warrant you; not any one of them knows me.

Tri.

And thus disguised you will be the more unknown; but you must teach your wife also how to personate Rosabella, she is apprehensive I know, and will be apt to follow your instructions.

Cup.

She is, but I am affraid I shall not be able to perswade her to it, she is so unreasonably obstinate, and alwayes scolding, nay she will beat me also.

Tri.

VVhat is she a Fury?

Cup.

A Fury Trico; she is all the Furies in one.

Tri.

If I had three such VVives I would give two of them to the Divel upon a Condition.

Cup.

VVhat condition Trico?

Tri.

That he should take away the third.

Cup.

Let him take her.

Tri.

But I will give both her and you, that which shall over∣come you both, look you, here is eight pieces in Gold.

Cup.

Give it me, and I will bring my Dame.

Tri.

I conjure thee Cupes by thy bowels.

Cup.

You have conjured me by that which is most dear unto me.

Tri.

That you will be careful in the performance of this.

Cup.

It shall be done.

Tric.

I will go and procure the cloathes and properties for you and your wife. Be you alwayes waiting here to prevent all in∣conveniences, and to provide a Remedy upon every Emergency.

Cupes.

I will, but this night we will sup together; it shall be a night of mirth.

Tri.

Your words are full of Hospitality, may all things prosper with you.

Cup.

Farewel, I will now call forth my wife and overcome her with gold; for without that she will do nothing: I know she will scold as her usuall manner is; she is alwayes mutte∣ring and murmuring, like a Weesil crushing the bones of a Mouse; Polla! wife Polla! why Polla I say.