Ignoramus a comedy as it was several times acted with extraordinary applause before the Majesty of King James : with a supplement which, out of respect to the students of the common law, was hitherto wanting / written in Latine by R. Ruggles ... ; and translated into English by R. C. ...

The Second Prologue spoke before the KING. May 6. 1615. (Book 2)

Enter, A Post-boy, Dullman, Ignoramus, Messe Davy, Schi∣oppius, and a Witnesse.

Post.

THe Horn sounds

Trin-tran Bear-back, make way, I am a post dispatch, from London hither to inform you that Ignoramus neither is, nor can be acted. Stare no more on me, it is as I tell you; would you know the reason, not one amongst the Lawyers will accom∣modate Ignoramus with a Gown to act his part in, so unkind is Ignoramus to Ignoramus, for by a late order amongst themselves it is provided that the Lawyers onely shall not be brought upon the stage. This dispatch therefore doth advise you to rise and depart, spectators, here is but a short come-off of this play, Farewell, and clap your hands.

Dull.

What is the businesse? what? is our play already come to a non-suit. Oh Vide•• postam I see the post; post, post, have you brought a Gown with you?

Post.

O Dullman! no, no Dullman, a Lawyers Gown cannot be had either for money, or intreaty.

Dull.

Why so?

Post.

Because, besides the prohibition, innumerable Gowns are now paying their worship to their great God the Term who gives place to no man.

Dull.

Hum, Hum, Hum, you have some letters for me, have you not?

Post.

These for you and these for Ignoramus.

Dull.

Hum, hum, hum, here is some News I know. Doe you

deliver this letter to my master whiles I peruse my own.

Post.

I will.

Exit post.

Dullman readeth the superscription of his letter, in these words, Dullman Junior puny-Clerk to Ignoramus Junior who is brother to Ignoramus Senior to his Dullmannissimous Uncle Dullman se∣nior who is senior Clerk to Ignoramus senior, S. P. D.

—S. P. D. what doth he mean by this S. P. D. Oh, now I understand it, tis speed, I, right, right, it came by the post, tis speed▪

Opening the letter he reads.

If thou ingrossest instruments, it is well, I also do ingrosse instru∣ments; be it known (uncle dullman) unto all men that are or shall be, that there is a common report amongst us, that Ignoramus is a very grosse play, and my master saith, that he hath turn'd over all his books (for he hath a few) and he hath found ipso facto, that the play is both routous, and riotous; wherefore those praedicables who would have gelded Ignoramus, and did bind him with cords and ropes, Inprimis, Trico, Cupes, and Cola shall be brought into the star-chamber for a terrible Riot. My master saith also that he hath three Benefices that heretofore he hath given gratis to these predica∣bles (wich nevertheless I do not believe) but he saith that they who shall have them hereafter shall pay soundly for them, pro toto & in solido. He alleageth moreover that there is one Jeofail in the play to make a common Lawyer, a common Fool, who useth to make of other men com∣mon Fools. And another Jeofail that they made him speak Latine in Burdeaux which he cannot do either here, or there; but if they Act again that prohibited play we will make mo••t gallant ••allads of them, and better then those that have been already made, although they are superfine and stand with us in the case against Cambridge, neverthelesse many say that they are but foolish Libells and therefore mo••t worthily condemned for heretical in the late convocation house at Oxford. We••l, well I know what I know; I must conj••r•• you (my Uncle Dullman) by that d••llmanity that is in you, not to ••••quaint any of the predicables with this which I write.

Not any of them,—a••d I have now read it before you all; Ah foolish Nephew! could he not have writ me word of it in the beginning of the letter, but I must intreat you, ••t omne sit unum that it may be all one, speak nothing of it, I will read no more of this unto you.

Enter Post.

Post.

I have delivered the letters to Ignoramus; but what means that great preparation.

Dull.

Oh! it is for the examination of two notable knaves before my master Ignoramus.

Post.

Who are they?

Dull.

One Gasper Schioppius, and one Davus Dromo.

Post.

Can Ignoramus passe sentence on them.

Dull.

He doth not, and yet withstanding he doth, although he is neither Judge nor Justice of peace, but onely deputed to take the Examination.

Enter Ignoramus, Messe and Officers.

Oh now they come, master Ignoramus do you come abroad without a Toga vocata a Gown.

Igno.

But I will come in chlamyde vocata a Cloak rather then the Law shall not be currant. Boy, go and command them to bring that vile Schioppius before us whiles I do examine this fellow.

Post.

It shall be done.

Exit post.

Igno.

Sirrah, Sirrah, what is your true Name, Sirrah, hah?

Mes:

Davus Dromo.

Igno.

Alias Messe Davy Sirrah, for when you were Arrested be∣fore, you said you were not davus dromo, but Messe davy, and so you made an escape, Hah? A double Name a double Knave, dullman read his accusation.

Dull.

In the first place it is presented, that thou davus dromo being armed in a warlike manner didst assault the spectators of Ignoramus with a terrible Engine, Anglice called a Hobby Horse, cum kikkis & friskis, with Kicks and Frisks, and with a most hor∣rible noyse snip, snap, snip, snap, to the great terrour of the leige people of the King and the death of their Children.

Igno.

Hah! what say you to this Sirrah?

Mes.

It was one, I believe very like me, for I was not present at that time when Ignoramus was acted, it is well known that I was drunk that night.

Igno.

O ho, you are a drunken knave and a liar to boot, It was you.

Mes.

It was my self, and it was▪ not my self.

Igno.

But sirrah sirrah, at the same time did not you challenge the horse of the King, tu challengebas equum regis? which is petty treason sirrah

Mes.

I only challenged the Horses of the Noblemen.

Igno▪

O note it Dullman, A scandall to the horses of the Noble∣men, scandalum magnatum aequorum.

Dull.

Yes, yes, Scandalum magnorum aequorum.

Igno.

Sirrah, you are a horse called sa••cy Jack, for heretofore you took the wall of the Prince.

Mes.

I do remember it very well, it was opportunely done when I instructed the Ambassadours to receive him.

Dull.

Master I think you may have it Br••ve for the examining of an Idiot, for heretofore he would be Dean of Dunstable. If you will, I know the Law.

Igno.

What you, Sauce-box, you know the law, and not I; you shall teach me what I am to say, you are both of you Ideots, but I will proceed in the Examination, Sirrah, neverthelesse you are a great Fool and a proud Fool; what, you dare to tilt with the Kings Fool?

Mes.

Equals to Equals.

Dull.

Messe Davy, you know that it is petty treason Messe Davy.

Mes.

What is petty Treason Dullman?

Igno.

But Sirrah, is that true that you wrote in Latine to the Pope to make you Cardinal?

Mes.

Yes, & I had been a Cardi. if I had wrote true Latin to him.

Igno.

Note it down Dullman quod coinavit and transportavit trans marè falsum Intinum, he coined and transported false latine beyond the Sea expresly against a st••tute in that case provided and published.

Dull.

His false latine shall therefore, master, be confiscated to our use.

Igno.

Let me alone I will take an order for that, sirrah, How much have you of it.

Mes.

A great deal, but not enough to serve both your turns.

Igno.

Well, I perceive you are a notorius Malefactor, I will return your name to the Magistrate, and I will write unto him to passe his sentence on you in form and manner following, First if ever you come to the court again that you be jactus s••rsum, Anglice tost in a Blanket; if you ever be in love, you shall have a thing called Anglice a Codpiece sowed behind you, and so daunce as you did sometimes at Geneva, you shall be moreover a Vaga∣bond,

and have never any Master, or Land, or Bread, or Drink of your own, but as a fly you shall alwaies live at the Tables of other men, and be repulsed with scourges, &c. Now let the Knave withdraw.

Mes.

Wo is me! oh that the Excellency of wit so advantageous unto others should be so destructive unto me.

Exit Messe.

Enter Schioppius and the Witnesse.

Igno.

Who have we here? What! Schioppius ille nebulo in printo. That Knave in print Schioppius.

Wit.

The very same, the Fur, Bifur, Furcifer, Trifurcifer, Schioppius is here before you. Look to your purses Gentlemen, here is Schioppius the grand legat of Thieves. Antolicus himself had not so foul a hand.

Igno.

See if he be not burned in the hand?

Wit.

Oh oftentimes! he is stigmatized all over; see how black and tenacious are his hands, and with what hooked Nails they are Armed?

Dull.

Master, Master, his Nose is slit too, and he hath Crop-Ears, by his marks he should be Gasper Schioppius of Munster.

Igno.

Gasper of Monster.

Wit.

Munster Franco was familiar with his Mother and was the known Father, he is a known Bastard.

Igno.

O ho! what is he a Bastard? A good Bastard comes by chance, but a bad one by Nature.

Witnesse proceed.

VVit.

He stole also a Gold-Chain from his Father.

Schi.

I was then but fourteen years of age, it was a sign of my Wit.

Igno.

Oh, oh! A Fellon from his Cradle.

VVit.

When he was but a stripling, his Father read his Fortune, and told all his Friends what a most egregious Knave he would make.

Igno.

He spake the truth of him.

VVit.

He play'd the Merchant too with Giffanius that enter∣tain'd him, and stole from him his books and papers.

Schi.

I confesse it; its no Theft for a Letter'd man to steal Letters.

Dull.

Is it not? Oh Impudence! stand further off? I believe he hath stole some of my papers, I have many wanting.

Schi.

I steal your papers?—I have papers enough of my own, witnesse those many famous pamphlets I have divulged.

Igno.

I, I, thou art known to be a famous scribler of Libels.

Wit.

And being but very young he wrote the most filthy Pria∣peia.

Igno.

What is that?

Wit.

That which honestly cannot be named, much less excused.

Schi.

For that, I will speak with confidence that all Women are beholding unto me.

Igno.

For what?

Schi.

Why, I have restored their muliebria to them by turning L into N.

Dull.

Mark that Master, L into N, Hic est pecia secretae knave∣riae, A piece of secret Knavery I warrant you.

Wit.

Take notice also of his most imodest and impure ob∣servations, for in one of his writings he preferred the life of a sparrow above the life of a man; and this he did most pathetical∣ly also because they are more salacious.

Igno.

I am informed that you are an Apostate also, and a Re∣negade.

Wit.

Then he was not only Gaspar, but Caster Schioppius, At Rome indeed being like to perish for Hunger he wrote a book of his conversion, poor Schioppius coming out of Germany, and being ready to starve did addresse himself to Rome.

Schi.

What of that when I was Hungry, the Kitchin of Cardinal Medruccius was always open to me.

Igno.

It is a Proverbial verse.

Si canis in Hilla religatur, mordet in illa. Tye a Dog upon the Hill a Still he there be biting will a.

Dull.

Ha, ha, he, Master.

Shiop.

But I upon my Conversion, came presently forth an ex∣cellent Divine out of the Vatican Library.

Wit.

You could do no lesse, having not long before most athe∣istically preferred Plautus above the Bible, and worshipped Bac∣chus, Venus and Ceres above all Deities: from hence it is that he maketh War both with God and Man, the Parasite of Romulus, the Father of Hunger, whose soul is only but a conceit, and who en∣tertaineth

no conceit of his soul at all; hence, on hills of lyes and perjuries this Earth-worm would climb unto Heaven, the Idol of impudence, the Hang-mans sacrifice, and Groan of every Gal∣lows; hence it is that this Cerberus with black teeth and a filthy tongue provokes the Sacred Majesty of Kings, hence, it is that so odious is the fame of this son of a Prostitute, hence that this most impudent scribler dares exercise his pen against Ambassadours being himself one of the greatest Thieves, and Burdelloes in the world.

Schiop.

But I haxe a fly abroad, a legat who peradventure may effect that I may be Legatus a latere my self.

Igno.

In the mean time thou shalt not only be ablegated, but ligated as a Thief—Est not abilissimus ••atro quem unquam vidi in vita mea; the most notable Thief that I ever saw in my life, well, well, I will inform the Judge of you that he may punish▪ you ac∣cordingly.

Schi.

But I am a Baron and must have a noble Tryal.

Wit.

Let him be tryed therefore by his Peers, the Barons of the Field of Flora, oh most egregious Baron!

Igno.

I know already what sentence the Law will passe upon you▪ First because you are a great Lyar, your infamous tongue must be bored through with one Red hot Iron, and because you have a bold brazen face, you must be branded in the fore head with another.

Wit.

And why in the fore-head, it is needlesse, he is so lost a thing, he hath no front, or heart at all.—

Igno.

And sirrah because you have a most impure mouth you shall be carryed to the Common shoare, as once before you were at Heydelberg where all your mouth shall be besmeard with merd, and so your polluted soul shall make its exit behind, by a Huste∣ron Proteron as a Heathen Greek hath it.

Dull.

What's that, what's that Master?

Igno.

It is Greek you fool you.

Dull.

Oh! oh, excuse me, I understand it not, Musaeus must write it down.

Igno.

You are an Asse—after that sirrah your Carcasse shall be thrown into the Jakes of an Abbot.

Schi.

〈◊〉〈◊〉 take heed what you do, I cannot be condemned by any law for oftentimes I am Frantick.

Igno.

Take the Knave away.

Wit.

Look to your purses?

Exeunt.

Enter Post-boy.

Post.

Signior we are now provided with a Gown for you.

Igno.

Where did you find one?

Post.

Amongst the stollen goods of Schioppius.

Igno.

I will go put it on, and then return again.

Post.

But signio•• make no delaye!

Igno.

Erit retorna brevis, it shall be a short return, do not fear it.

Dull.

Dullman will return also, there shall be no Essoyne.

Exeunt. Ignor. & Dullman.

Post.

Ignoramus suddenly will return, but that he doth so, is not to be ascribed to him, but, Caesar, (unto your Clemency) who are the patron of Caesars, and to your love to this University▪ Great is the honour of it and so much the greater, as you your self are a compleat University of all Learning; For which, bold malice her loud throat doth strain, and her black Nayles begins to bite a∣gain, Vouchsafe then Caesar she may so relent, so swell with grief that all in the event, whom Envy rives may be asunder rent.

The End of the Second Prologue.