The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. VI. Why new Married Men were priviledg∣ed from going to the Wars. (Book 6)

BUT, in the Interim, asked Panurge, by what Law was it constituted, or∣dained and established, that such as should plant a new Vineyard, those that should build a new House, and the new married Men should be exempted and discharged from the Duty of Warfare for the first year? By the Law (answered Pantagruel) of Moyses. Why (replyed Panurge) the lately married? As for the Vine-Planters, I am now too old to reflect on them; my Condition, at this present, induceth me to remain satisfied with the care of Vintage, finishing and turning the Grapes into Wine: Nor are these pre••ty new Builders o•• Dead Stones written or pricked down in my Book of Life; it is all with Live Stones that I set up, and erect the Fabricks of my Architecture, to wit, Men. It was (according to my Opinion, quoth Pantagruel) to the end, First, That the fresh married Folks should for the first

year reap a full and compleat Fruition of their Pleasures in their mutual exercise of the act of Love, in such sort, that in waiting more at leisure on the production of Poste∣rity, and propagating of their Progeny, they might the better encrease their Race, and make Provision of new Heirs. That if in the years thereafter the Men should, up∣on their undergoing of some Military Adventure, happen to be killed, their Names and Coats of Arms might conti∣nue with their Children in the same Fa∣milies: And next that, the Wives there∣by, coming to know whether they were barren or fruitful (for one years Trial, in regard of the maturity of Age, wherein; of old, they married, was held sufficient for the Discovery) they might pitch the more suitably, in case of their first Hus∣bands Decease, upon a Second Match. The fertile Women to be wedded to those who desire to multiply their Issue; and the steril ones to such other Mates, as misre∣garding the storing of their own Lineage, choose them only for their Vertues, Learning, Genteel Behaviour, Domestick Consolation, management of the House, and Matrimonial Conveniences and Com∣forts, and such like. The Preacher of Va∣rennes (saith Panarge) detest and abhor the Second Marriages, as altogether foolish and dishonest.

Foolish and dishonest, (quoth Pantagru∣el) a plague take such Preachers! Yea but (quoth Panurge) the like Mischief also befal the Friar, Charmer, who in a full Auditory, making a Sermon at Perille, and therein abominating the Reiteration of Marriage, and the entring again in the Bonds of a Nuptial Tie, did swear and heartily give himself to the swiftest Devil in Hell, if he had not rather choose, and would much more willingly undertake the unmaidning or depucelating of a hundred Virgins, than the simple Drudgery of one Widow. Truly I find your Reason in that point right good, and strongly grounded.

But what would you think, if the Cause why this Exemption or Immunity was granted, had no other Foundation, but that, during the whole space of the said first year, they so lustily bobbed it with their Female Consorts, (as both Reason and Equity require they should do) that they had drained and evacuated their Spermatick Vessels; and were become thereby altogether feeble, weak, emascu∣lated, drooping and flaggingly pithless; yea, in such sort, that they in the day of Battel, like Ducks which plunge over Head and Ears, would sooner hide them∣selves behind the Baggage than in the Company of valiant Fighters and daring

Military Combatants, appear where stern Bellona deals her Blows, and moves a bustling Noise of Thwacks and Thumps. Nor is it to be thought that under the Standard of Mars they will so much as once strike a fair Stroke, because their most considerable Knocks have been al∣ready jerked and whirrited within the Curtines of his Sweet-heart Venus.

In confirmation whereof, amongst other Relicks and Monuments of Antiquity, we now as yet often see, that in all great Houses, after the expiring of some few days, these young married Blades are rea∣dily sent away to visit their Uncles, that in the Absence of their Wives, reposing themselves a little, they may recover their decayed Strength by the Recruit of a fresh Supply, the more vigorous to return a∣gain, and face about to renew the dueling Shock and Conflict of an amorous Dalli∣ance: Albeit (for the greater part) they have neither Uncle nor Aunt to go to.

Just so did the King Crackart, after the Battle of the Cornets, not cashier us, (speaking properly) I mean me and the Quailecaller, but for our Refreshment re∣manded us to our Houses; and he is as yet seeking after his own. My Grandfa∣thers Godmother was wont to say to me when I was a Boy,

Patonisters & Oraisons Sont pour ceux-la qui les retiennent. Un fiffre en frenaisons Est plus fort que deux qui en viennent.

Not Orisons nor Patrenotres Shall ever disorder my Brain. One Cadet, to the Field as he flutters, Is worth two when they end the Campagn.

That which prompteth me to that O∣pinion, is, that the Vine-Planters did sel∣dom eat of the Grapes, or drink of the Wine of their Labour, till the first year was wholly elapsed: During all which time also the Builders did hardly inhabit their new structured Dwelling places, for fear of dying suffocated through want of Respiration; as Galen hath most learned∣ly remarked, in the Second Book of the Difficulty of Breathing. Under favour, Sir, I have not asked this Question without Cause causing, and Reason truly very ratiocinant. Be not offended I pray you.