The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. II. How Panurge was made Laird of Sal∣mygoudin in Dypsodie, and did waste his Revenue before it came in. (Book 2)

WHilst Pantagruel was giving Order for the Government of all Dyp∣sodie, he assigned to Panurge the Laird∣ship of Salmygoudin, which was yearly worth 6789106789 Ryals of certain Rent, besides the uncertain Revenue of the Lo∣custs and Periwinkles, amounting one year with another to the value of 435768, or 2435769 French Crowns of Berry. Some∣times it did amount to 1230554321 Se∣raphs when it was a good Year, and that Locusts and Periwinkles were in request; but that was not every Year.

Now his Worship, the new Laird, hus∣banded this his Estate so providently well and prudently, that in less than fourteen days he wasted and dilapidated all the certain and uncertain Revenue of his Lairdship for three whole Years: Yet did

not he properly dilapidate it, as you might say, in founding of Monasteries, building of Churches, erecting of Col∣ledges, and setting up of Hospitals, or casting his Bacon-Flitches to the Dogs; but spent it in a thousand little Banquets and jolly Collations, keeping open House for all Comers and Goers; yea, to all good Fellows, young Girls, and pretty Wenches; felling Timber, burning the great Logs for the Sale of the Ashes, bor∣rowing Money before-hand, buying dear, selling cheap, and eating his Corn (as it were) whilst it was but Grass.

Pantagruel being advertised of this his Lavishness, was in good sooth no way offended at the matter, angry nor sorry; for I once told you, and again tell it you, that he was the best, little, great Good∣man that ever girded a Sword to his Side; he took all things in good part, and in∣terpreted every Action to the best Sence: He never vexed nor disquieted himself with the least pretence of Dislike to any thing; because he knew that he must have most grosly abandoned the Divine Mansion of Reason, if he had permitted his Mind to be never so little grieved, af∣flicted or altered at any occasion whatso∣ever. For all the Goods that the Heaven covereth, and that the Earth containeth in

all their Dimensions of Heighth, Depth, Breadth and Length, are not of so much worth, as that we should for them disturb or disorder our Affections, trouble or perplex our Senses or Spirits.

He drew only Panurge aside, and then making to him a sweet Remonstrance and mild Admonition, very gently re∣presented before him in strong Argu∣ments, That if he should continue in such an unthrifty course of living, and not become a better Mesnagier, it would prove altogether impossible for him, or at least hughly difficult at any time to make him rich. Rich! answered Panurge, Have you fixed your Thoughts there? Have you undertaken the Task to en∣rich me in this World? Set your Mind to live merrily in the Name of God and good Folks, let no other Cark nor Care be harboured within the Sacro sanctified Domicile of your Celestial Brain. May the Calmness and Tranquility thereof be never incommodated with, or over-sha∣dowed by any frowning Clouds of sullen Imaginations and displeasing Annoyance. For if you live joyful, meery, jocund and glad, I cannot be but rich enough. Every body cries up thrift, thrift, and good Hus∣bandry; but many speak of Robin Hood that never shot in his Bow; and talk of

that Vertue of Mesnagery, who know not what belong to it. It is by me that they must be advised. From me therefore take this Advertisement and Information, that what is imputed to me for a Vice, hath been done in imitation of the University and Parliament of Paris, places in which is to be found the true Spring and Source of the lively Idea of Pantheology, and all manner of Justice. Let him be counted an Heretick that doubteth thereof, and doth not firmly believe it: Yet they in one day eat up their Bishop, or the Revenue of the Bishoprick (is it not all one) for a whole year; yea, sometimes for two. This is done on the day he makes his En∣try, and is installed: Nor is there any place for an Excuse; for he cannot avoid it, unless he would be houted at and sto∣ned for his Parsimony.

It hath been also esteemed an act flow∣ing from the Habit of the Four Cardinal Vertues. Of Prudence in borrowing Mo∣ney before-hand; for none knows what may fall out; who is able to tell if the World shall last yet three years? But al∣though it should continue longer, is there any Man so foolish, as to have the Confi∣dence to promise himself three years?

What fool so confident to say, That he shall live one other day?

Of Commutative Iustice, in buying dear (I say upon trust) and selling good cheap, (that is, for ready Money) what says Cato in his Book of Husbandry to this purpose? The Father of a Family (says he) must be a perpetual Seller; by which means it is impossible but that at last he shall become rich, if he have of vendible Ware enough still ready for sale.

Of Distributive Iustice it doth partake, in giving Entertainment to good (remark good) and gentle Fellows, whom For∣tune had Shipwrack'd (like Ulysse:) upon the Rock of a hungry Stomach without provision of Sustenance: And likewise to the good (remark the good) and young Wenches: For according to the Sentence of Hippocrates, Youth is impatient of Hunger, chiefly if it be vigorous, lively, frolick, brisk, stirring and bouncing; which wanton Lasses willingly and hear∣tily devote themselves to the pleasure of Honest Men; and are in so far both Pla∣tonick and Ciceronian, that they do a••know∣ledge their being born into this World, not to be for themselves alone, but that in their proper Persons their Acquaintance may

claim one share, and their Friends ano∣ther.

The Vertue of Fortitude appears there∣in by the cutting down and overthrowing of the great Trees, like a second Mil•• making Havock of the dark Forests, which did serve only to furnish Dens, Caves, and Shelter to Wolves, wild Boars and Foxes; and afford Receptacles, withdrawing Cor∣ners and Refuges to Robbers, Thieves and Murtherers; lurking holes and sculking places for Cut-throat Assassinators; secret obscure Shops for Coiners of false money, and safe Retreats for Hereticks, laying them even and level with the plain Cham∣pian Fields and pleasant Heathy Ground, at the sound of the Hau-bois and Bag∣pipes playing, reeks with the high and stately Timber, and preparing Seats and Benches for the Eve of the dreadful day of Judgment.

I gave thereby proof of my Temperance in eating my Corn whilst it was but Grass, like an Hermit feeding upon Sallets and Roots, that so affranchising my self from the Yoak of sensual Appetites to the ut∣ter disclaiming of their Sovereignty, I might the better reserve somewhat in store, for the relief of the lame, blind, cripple, maimed, needy, poor and wan∣ting Wretches.

In taking this course I save the Expence of the Weed-grubbers, who gain Money; of the Reapers in Harvest-time, who drink lustily, and without Water; of Gleaners, who will expect their Cakes and Ban∣nocks of Threshers, who leave no Garlick, Scallions, Leeks nor Onyons in our Gar∣dens, (by the Authority of Thestilis in Vir∣gil) and of the Millers, who are generally Thieves; and of the Bakers, who are little better; is the small Saving or Fru∣gality; besides the mischief and damage of the Field-mice, the decay of Barns, and the destruction usually made by Weesils and other Vermin.

Of Corn in the Blade. You may make good green Sauce of a light Concoction, and easie Digestion, which recreates the Brain, and exhilerates the Animal Spirits, rejoyceth the Sight, openeth the Appe∣tite, delighteth the taste, comforteth the Heart, tickleth the Tongue, cheareth the Countenance, striking a fresh and lively Colour, strengthening the Muscles, tempers the Blood, disburthens the Mi∣drif, refresheth the Liver, disobstructs the Spleen, easeth the Kidneys, suppleth the Reins, quickens the Joynts of the Back, cleanseth the Urine-Conduits, dilates the Spermatick Vessels, shortens the Crema∣sters, purgeth the Bladder, puffeth up the

Genitories, correcteth the prepuce, har∣dens the Nut, and rectifies that Member. It will make you have a current Belly to trot, fart, dung, piss, sneeze, cough, spit, belch, spew, yawn, snuff, blow, breath, snort, sweat, and set taunt your Robin, with a thousand other rare advantages. I under∣stand you very well (says Pantagruel) you would thereby infer, that those of a mean Spirit and shallow Capacity, have not the skill to spend much in a short time: You are not the first in whose Conceit that Heresie hath entred: Nero maintained it, and above all Mortals admired most his Unkle Caius Caligula, for having in few days, by a most wonderfully pregnant In∣vention, totally spent all the Goods and Patrimony which Tiberius had left him.

But instead of observing the Sumptuous Supper-curbing Laws of the Romans, to wit, the Orchia, the Fannia, the Didia, the Li∣cinia, the Cornelia, the Lepidiana, the Antia, and of the Corinthians; by the which they were inhibited, under pain of great punishment, not to spend more in one year than their annual Revenue did a∣mount to. You have offered up the Ob∣lation of Protervia, which was with the Romans such a Sacrifice as the Paschal Lamb was amongst the Iews, wherein all that was eatable was to be eaten, and the re∣mainder

to be thrown into the Fire, with∣out reserving any thing for the next day. I may very justly say of you, as Cato did of Albidius, who after that he had by a most extravagant Expence wasted all the Means and Possessions he had to one only House, he fairly set it on Fire, that he might the better say, Consummatum est. Even just as since his time St. Thomas Aquinas did when he had eaten up the whole Lamprey, although there was no necessity in it.