The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. LI. Why is it called Pantagruelion, and of the admirable Vertues thereof. (Book 51)

BY such like means of attaining to a Denomination (the fabulous ways being only from thence excepted; for the Lord forbid that we should make use of any Fables in this a so venerable Hi∣story) is this Herb called Pantagruelion; for Pantagruel was the Inventor thereof: I do not say of the Plant it self, but of a certain use which it serves for, exceeding odious and hateful to Thieves and Rob∣bers, unto whom it is more contrarious and hurtful than the Strangle-weed, Choak∣fitch is to the Flax, the Cats-tail to the Brakes, the Sheavgrass to the Mowers of Hay, the Fitches to the Chickny Pease, the Darnel to Barley, the Hatchet Fitch to the Lentil Pulse, the Antramium to the Beans, Tares to Wheat, Ivy to Walls, the Water Lilly to lecherous Monks, the Birchen Rod to the Scholars of the Col∣ledge of Navarre in Paris, Colewort to

the Vine-tree, Garlick to the Load-stone, Onyons to the sight, Fearn-seed to Wo∣men with Child, Willow Grain to vici∣ous Nuns, the Yew-tree shade to those that sleep under it, Wolfsbane to Wolves and Libbards, the Smell of Fig-tree to mad Bulls, Hemlock to Goslings, Pur∣slane to the Teeth, or Oil to Trees: For we have seen many of those Rogues by vertue and right application of this Herb finish their Lives, short and long, after the manner of Phillis Queen of Thra∣cia, of Benosus Emperor of Rome, of Ama∣ta King Latinus's Wife, of Iphus, Autolicus, Lycambe, Arachne, Phaedra, Leda, Achius King of Lydia, and many thousands more; who were chiefly angry and vexed at this Disaster therein, that with∣out being otherways sick, evil dispo∣sed in their Bodies, by a touch only of the Pantagruelian, they came on a suddain to have the passage obstructed, and their Pipes (through which were wont to bolt so many jolly Sayings, and to enter so many luscious Morsels) stopped, more cleaverly, than ever could have done the Squinancy.

Others have been heard mōst wofully to lament, at the very instant when Atro∣pos was about to cut the thred of their Life, that Pantagruel held them by the Gorge.

But (well-a-day) it was not Pantagruel; he never was an Executioner: It was the Pantagruelian, manufactured and fashioned into an Halter, and serving in the place and Office of a Cravat. In that verily they solaecized, and spoke improperly, un∣less you would excuse them by a Trope, which alloweth us to posit the Inventor in the place of the thing invented; as when Ceres is taken for Bread, and Bacchus put instead of Wine. I swear to you here, by the good and frolick Words which are to issue out of that Wine-bottle which is a cooling below in the Copper Vessel full of Fountain Water, that the noble Pan∣tagruel never snatch'd any Man by the Throat, unless it was such a one as was al∣together careless and neglective of those obviating Remedies, which were preven∣tive of the Thirst to come.

It is also termed Pantagruelion by a Si∣militude: For Pautagruel, at the very first minute of his Birth, was no less tall than this Herb is long, whereof I speak unto you, his measure having been then taken the more easie, that he was born in the Season of the great Drowth, when they were busiest in the gathering of the said Herb, to wit, at that time when Ica∣rus's Dog, with his fiery bawling and barking at the Sun, maketh the whole

World Troglodytick, and enforceth People every where to hide themselves in Dens and subterranean Caves. It is likeways▪ called Pantagruelion, because of the nota∣ble and singular Qualities, Vertues and Properties thereof: For as Pantagruel hath been the Idea, Pattern, Prototype and Exemplary of all Iovial Perfection and Accomplishment (in the truth whereof I believe there is none of you, Gentle∣men▪ Drinkers, that putteth any Question) so in this Pantagruelion have I found so much Efficacy and Energy, so much Compleatness and Excellency, so much Exquisiteness and Rarity, and so many admirable Effects and Operations of a transcendent Nature, that if the Worth and Vertue thereof had been known, when those Trees, by the relation of the Prophet, made Election of a wooden King, to rule and govern over them, it with∣out all doubt would have carried away from all the rest the Plurality of Votes and Suffrages.

Shall I yet say more? If Oxilus the Son of Orius had begotten this Plant upon his Sister Hamadryas, he had taken more de∣light in the Value and Perfection of it a∣lone, then in all his Eight Children, so highly renowned by our ablest Mythologi∣ans, that they have sedulously recommen∣ded

their Names to the never▪failing Tui∣tion of an eternal Remembrance. The eldest Child was a Daughter, whose Name was Vine; the next born was a Boy, and his Name was F••g-tree; the third was cal∣led Walnut-tree; the fourth Oak; the fifth Sorbaple-tree; the sixth Ash; the se∣venth Poplar; and the last had the Name of Elm, who was the greatest Surgeon in his time. I shall forbear to tell you, how the Juyce or Sap thereof, being pou∣red and distilled within the Ears, killeth every kind of Vermin, that by any man∣ner of Putrefaction cometh to be bred and engendred there; and destroyeth also any whatsoever other Animal that shall have entred in thereat. If likewise you put a little of the said Juyce within a Pale or Bucket full of Water, you shall see the Water instantly turn and grow thick therewith, as if it were Milk-Curds, whereof the Vertue is so great, that the Water thus curded is a present Remedy for Horses subject to the Cholick, and such as strike at their own Flanks. The Root thereof well boiled, mollifieth the Joynts, softneth the hardness of shrunk in Sinews, is every way comfortable to the Nerves, and good against all Cramps and Convul∣sions, as likeways all cold and knotty Gouts. If you would speedily heal a

Burning, whether occasioned by Water or Fire, apply thereto a little raw Panta∣gruelion, that is to say, take it so as it cometh out of the Ground, without be∣stowing any other Preparation or Com∣position upon it; but have a special Care to change it for some fresher, in lieu there∣of, as soon as you shall find it waxing dry upon the Sore.

Without this Herb Kitchins would be detested, the Tables of Dining-Rooms abhorred, although there were great Plen∣ty and Variety of most dainty and sum∣ptuous Dishes of Meat set down upon them; and the choicest Beds also, how richly soever adorned with Gold, Silver, Amber, Ivory, Porphyr, and the mixture of most precious Metals, would without it yield no Delight or Pleasure to the Reposers in them: Without it Millers could neither carry Wheat, nor any o∣ther kind of Corn, to the Mill; nor would they be able to bring back from thence Flour, or any other sort of Meal whatsoever. Without it, how could the Papers and Writs of Lawyers Clients be brought to the Bar? Seldom is the Mortar, Lime or Plaister brought to the Work∣house without it. Without it how should the Water be got out of a Draw-Well? In what case would Tabellions, Notaries,

Copists, Makers of Counterpanes, Wri∣ters, Clerks, Secretaries, Scriveners, and such like Persons be without it? Were it not for it, what would become of the Toll-rates and Rent-rolls? Would not the noble Art of Printing perish without it? Whereof could the Chassis or Paper-Win∣dows be made? How should the Bells be rung? The Altars of Isis are adorned therewith; the Pastophorian Priests are therewith clad and accoutred; and whole Humane Nature covered and wrapped therein, at its first position and producti∣on in, and into this World: All the Luni∣••ick Trees of Seres, the Bumbast and Cot∣ton Bushes in the Territories near the Per∣sian Sea and Gulph of Bengala; the Ara∣bian Swans, together with the Plan••s of Maltha, do not all of them cloath, attire, and apparel so many Persons as this one Herb alone. Soldiers are now-a-days much better sheltered under it, than they were in former times, when they lay in Tents covered with Skins. It overshadow; the Theaters and Amphitheaters from the heat of a scorching Sun: It begirdeth and encompasseth Forests, Chases, Parks, Cop∣ses and Groves, for the pleasure of Hun∣ters: It descendeth into the Salt and Fresh of both Sea and River-Waters, for the profit of Fishers: By it are Boots of

all sizes, Buskins, Gamashes, Brodkins, Gambados, Shooes, Pumps, Slippers, and every cobled Ware wrought and made steddable for the use of Man: By it the Butt and Rover-bows are strong, the Cross∣bows bended, and the Slings made fixed: And, as if it were an Herb every whit as holy as the Verveine, and reverenced by Ghosts, Spirits, Hobgoblins, Fiends and Phantoms, the Bodies of deceased Men are never buried without it.

I will proceed yet further, by the means of this fine Herb, the invisible Substances are visibly stopped, arrested, taken, detain∣ed, and Prisoner-like committed to their receptive Goals. Heavy and ponderous Weights are by it heaved, lifted up, turn∣ed, veered, drawn, carried, and every way moved quickly, nimbly and easily, to the great Profit and Emolument of Humane Kind. When I perpend with my self these and such like marvellous Ef∣fects of this wonderful Herb, it seemeth strange unto me, how the Invention of so useful a Practice did escape, through so many by-past Ages, the Knowledge of the Ancient Philosophers, considering the in∣estimable Utility which from thence pro∣ceeded; and the immense Labour, which without it, they did undergo in their pri∣stine Elucubrations. By vertue thereof,

through the retention of some Aerial Gusts, are the huge Rambarges, mighty Gallioons, the large Floyts, the Chiliander, the Myriander Ships launched from their Stations, and set a going at the Pleasure and Arbitriment of their Rulers, Con∣ders and Stee••smen. By the help thereof those remote Nations, whom Nature seem∣ed so unwilling to have discovered to us, and so desirous to have kept them still in abscondito, and hidden from us, that the ways through which their Countries were to be reached unto, were not only totally unknown, but judged also to be altogether impermeable and inaccessible, are now ar∣rived to us, and we to them.

Those Voyages outreached Flights of Birds, and far surpass'd the Scope of Fea∣ther'd Fowls, how swift soever they had been on the Wing, and notwithstanding that advantage which they have of us in swimming through the Air. Taproban hath seen the Heaths of Lapland, and both the Iava's the Riphaean Mountains, wide distant Phebol shall see Theleme, and the Islanders drink of the Flood Euphrates: By it the chill-mouthed Boreas hath sur∣veyed the parched Mansions of the tor∣rid Auster, and Eurus visited the Regions which Zephirus hath under his Command; yea, in such sort have Interviews been

made, by the assistance of this Sacred Herb, that maugre Longitudes and Latitudes, and all the Variations of the Zones. The Periae∣cian People, and Antoecian, Amphiscian, He∣teroscian, and Periscian had oft tendred and received mutual Visits to, and from other, upon all the Climates. These strange Ex∣ploits bred such Astonishment to the Ce∣lestial Intelligences, to all the Marine and Terrestrial Gods, that they were on a sud∣den all afraid: From which Amazement, when they saw how, by means of this blest Pantagruelion, the Arctick People lookt upon the Antarctick, scowred the Atlantick Ocean, passed the Tropicks, pushed through the Torrid Zone, measured all the Zodiack, sported under the Equinoctial, having both Poles level with their Horizon; they judg∣ed it high time to call a Council, for their own Safety and Preservation.

The Olympick Gods being all and each of them affrighted at the sight of such At∣chievements, said, Pantagruel hath shapen Work enough for us, and put us more to a plunge, and nearer our Wits end, by this sole Herb of his, then did of old the Aloids, by overturning Mountains. He very speedily is to be married, and shall have many Children by his Wife: It lies not in our Power to oppose this Destiny; for it hath passed through the Hands and

Spindles of the Fatal Sisters, Necessi∣ties inexorable Daughters. Who knows but by his Sons may be found out an Herb of such another Vertue and prodigi∣ous Energy, as that by the Aid thereof, in using it aright according to their Fathers Skill, they may contrive a way for Hu∣mane Kind to pierce into the high Aerian Clouds, get up unto the Spring-head of the Hail, take an Inspection of the snowy Sources, and shut and open as they please the Sluces from whence proceed the Flood∣gates of the Rain; then prosecuting their Aetherial Voyage, they may step in unto the Lightning Work-house and Shop, where all the Thunderbolts are forged, where seizing on the Magazin of Hea∣ven, and Store-house of our Warlike Fire Munition, they may discharge a bouncing Peal or two of thundering Ordinance, for Joy of their Arrival to these new su∣pernal places; and charging those Toni∣trual Guns afresh, turn the whole force of that Artillery against our selves, wherein we most confided: Then is it like they will set forward to invade the Territories of the Moon, whence passing through both Mercury and Venus, the Sun will serve them for a Torch, to shew the way from Mars to Iupiter and Saturn: We shall not then be able to resist the Impetuosity of

their Intrusion, nor put a stoppage to their entring in at all whatever Regions, Domicils or Mansions of the Spangled Firmament they shall have any mind to see, to stay in, to travel through for their Re∣creation: All the Celestial Signs together, with the Constellations of the Fixed Stars, will joyntly be at their Devotion then: Some will take up their Lodging at the Ram, some at the Bull, and others at the Twins; some at the Crab, some at the Li∣on Inn, and others at the Sign of the Vir∣gin; some at the Balance, others at the Scorpion, and others will be quartered at the Archer; some will be harboured at the Goat, some at the Water-pourer's Sign, some at the Fishes; some will lie at the Crown, some at the Harp, some at the Golden Eagle and the Dolphin; some at the Flying Horse, some at the Ship, some at the great, some at the little Bear; and so throughout the glistning Hostories of the whole twinkling Afteristick Welkin: There will be Sojourners come from the Earth, who longing after the taste of the sweet Cream, of their own scumming off, from the best Milk of all the Dairy of the Galaxy, will set themselves at Table down with us, drink of our Nectar and Ambrosia, and take to their own Beds

at Night for Wives and Concubines our fairest Goddesses, the only means whereby they can be Deify'd. A Junto hereupon being convocated, the better to consult upon the manner of obviating a so dread∣ful Danger, Iove, sitting in his Presi∣dential Throne, asked the Votes of all the other Gods, which, after a profound Deliberation amongst themselves on all Contingencies, they freely gave at last, and then resolved unanimously to with∣stand the Shock of all whatsoever sub∣lunary Assaults.