The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

The AUTHOR's Prologue.

GOOD People, most Illustrious Drinkers, and you thrice preci∣ous gouty Gentlemen. Did you ever see Diogenes the Cynick Philosopher, if

you have seen him, you then had your Eyes in your Head, or I am very much out of my Understanding and Logical Sense. It is a gallant thing to see the clearness of (Wine, Gold) the Sun. I'll be judged by the blind born so renowned in the Sacred Scriptures; who having at his choice to ask whatever he would from him who is Almighty, and whose Word in an Instant is effectually performed, asked nothing else but that he might see. Item you are not young, which is a com∣petent Quality for you to Philosophat more than Physically in Wine (not in vain) and henceforwards to be of the Bacchick Council; to the end that opining there, you may give your Opinion faithfully of the Substance, Colour, excellent Odour, E∣minency, Propriety, Faculty, Vertue, and effectual Dignity of the said blessed and desired Liquor.

If you have not seen him (as I am ea∣sily induced to believe that you have not) at least you have heard some talk of him. For through the Air, and the whole ex∣tent of this Hemisphere of the Heavens hath his Report and Fame, even until this present time, remained very memo∣rable and renowned. Then all of you are derived from the Phrygian Blood (if I be not deceived) if you have not so ma∣ny

Crowns as Midas had, yet have you something (I know not what) of him, which the Persians of old esteemed more of in all their O••acusts, and which was more desired by the Emperor Antonine; and gave occasion thereafter to the Basi∣lisco at Rohan to be Surnamed Goodly ears. If you have not heard of him, I will pre∣sently tell you a Story to make your Wine relish: Drink then, so, to the pur∣pose; hearken now whilst I give you no∣tice (to the end that you may not like Infidels be by your simplicity abused) that in his time he was a rare Philosopher, and the chearfullest of a thousand: If he had some Imperfection, so have you, so have we; for there is nothing (but God) that is perfect: Yet so it was, that by Alex∣ander the Great (although he had Aristotle for his Instructor and Domestick) was he held in such Estimation, that he wish'd if he had not been Alexander to have been Diogenes the Sinopian.

When Philip King of Macedon enter∣prised the Siege and Ruine of Corinth, the Corinthians having received certain Intel∣ligence by their Spies, that he with a nu∣merous Army in Battel Rank was coming against them, were all of them (not without cause) most terribly afraid; and therefore were not neglective of their

Duty, in doing their best Endeavours to put themselves in a fit posture to resist his Hostile Approach, and defend their own City.

Some from the Fields brought into the Fortify'd Places their Moveables, Bestial, Corn, Wine, Fruit, Victuals, and other necessary Provision.

Others did fortify and rampire their Walls, set up little Fortresses, Bastions, squared Ravelins, digged Trenches, clean∣sed Countermines, fenced themselves with Gabions, contrived Platforms, emptied Casemates, barricado'd the false Brayes, e∣rected the Cavalliers, repaired the Contre∣scarfes, plaister'd the Courtines, lengthned Ravelins, stopped Parapets, mortaised Bar∣bacans, assured the Port-culleys, fastned the Herses, Sarasinesks and Cataracks, placed their Centries, and doubled their Pa∣trouille.

Every one did watch and ward, and not one was exempted from carrying the Basket.

Some polish'd Corselets, varnished Backs and Breasts, clean'd the Head-pieces, Mail-Coats, Brigandins, Salads, Helmets, Mur∣rions, Jacks, Gushets, Gorgets, Hoguines, Brassars, and Cuissars, Corseletts, Hauber∣geons, Shields, Bucklers, Targuets, Greves, Gantlets and Spurs.

Others made ready Bows, Slings, Cross∣bows, Pellets, Catapults, Migrames or Fire∣balls, Firebrands, Balists, Scorpions, and other such Warlike Engines, expugnatorie, and destructive to the Hellepolists.

They sharpned and prepared Spears, Staves, Pikes, Brown Bills, Halberts, Long Hooks, Lances, Zagages, Quarterstaves, Eelspears, Partisans, Troutstaves, Clubs, Battle-axes, Maces, Darts, Dartlets, Glaves, Javelins, Javelots, and Trunchions.

They set Edges upon Cimeters, Cut∣lasses, Badelans, Back-swords, Tucks, Ra∣piers, Bayonets, Arrow-heads, Dags, Dag∣gers, Mandousians, Poigniards, Whinyards, Knives, Skenes, Sables, Chipping Knives, and Raillons.

Every Man exercis'd his Weapon, eve∣ry Man scowred off the Rust from his natural Hanger: Nor was there a Wo∣man amongst them (tho' never so reserv'd or old) who made not her Harnish to be well furbished; as you know the Corinthian Women of old were reputed very coura∣gious Combatants.

Diogenes seeing them all so warm at work, and himself not employed by the Magistrates in any business whatsoever, he did very seriously (for many days to∣gether, without speaking one Word) con∣sider,

and contemplate the Countenance of his Fellow-Citizens.

Then on a sudden, as if he had been roused up and inspired by a Martial Spi∣rit, he girded his Cloak, scarf-ways, a∣bout his Left Arm, tucked up his Sleeves to the Elbow, trussed himself like a Clown gathering Apples, and giving to one of his old Acquaintance his Wallet, Books, and Opistrographs, away went he out of Town towards a little Hill or Promonto∣ry of Corinth called Cranie; and there on the Strand, a pretty level place, did he roul his Jolly Tub, which serv'd him for an House to shelter him from the Injuries of the Weather: The••e, I say, in a great Vehemency of Spirit, did he turn it, veer it, wheel it, whirl it, frisk it, jumble it, shuffle it, huddle it, tumble it, hurry it, joult it, justle it, overthrow it, evert it, invert it, subvert it, overturn it, beat it, thwack it, bump it, batter it, knock it, thrust it, push it, jert it, shock it, shake it, toss it, throw it, overthrow it up-side down, topsiturvy, arsiturvy, tread it, trample it, stamp it, tap it, ting it, ring it, tingle it, towl it, sound it, resound it, stop it, shut it, unbung it, close it, unstopple it. And then again in a mighty bustle he bandy'd it, slubber'd it, hack'd it, whitled it, way'd it, darted it, hurled it, stagger'd

it, reel'd it, swing'd it, brangled it, totter'd it, lifted it, heaved it, transformed it, transfigur'd it, transpos'd it, transplaced it, reared it, raised it, hoised it, washed it, dighted it, cleansed it, rinced it, nailed it, setled it, fastned it, shackled it, fetter'd it, level'd it, block'd it, tugg'd it, tew'd it, carry'd it, bedash'd it, beray'd it, parch'd it, mounted it, broach'd it, nick'd it, notch'd it, bespatter'd it, deck'd it, a∣dorn'd it, trimmed it, garnished it, ga∣ged it, furnish'd it, boar'd it, pierc'd it, trap'd it, rumbled it, slid it down the Hill, and precipitated it from the very height of the Cranie; then from the foot to the top (like another Sisyphus with his Stone) bore it up again, and every way so bang'd it and belabour'd it, that it was ten thousand to one he had not struck the bottom of it out.

Which when one of his Friends had seen, and asked him why he did so toil his Body, perplex his Spirit, and torment his Tub? The Philosopher's Answer was, That not being employed in any other Charge by the Republick, he thought it expedient to thunder and storm it so tempestuously upon his Tub, that amongst a People so fervently busie, and earnest at work, he alone might not seem a loytering Slug

and lasie Fellow. To the same purpose may I say of my self,

Tho I be rid from Fear, I am not void of Care.

For perceiving no Account to be made of me towards the Discharge of a Trust of any great Concernment, and conside∣ring that through all the parts of this most noble Kingdom of France, both on this and on the other side of the Mountains, every one is most diligently exercised and busied; some in the fortifying of their own Native Country, for its Defence; others, in the repulsing of their Enemies by an Offensive War; and all this with a Policy so excellent, and such admirable Order, so manifestly profitable for the fu∣ture, whereby France shall have its Fron∣tiers most magnifically enlarged, and the Frenches assured of a long and well∣grounded Peace, that very little with∣holds me from the Opinion of good He∣raclitus, which affirmeth War to be the Fa∣ther of all good things; and therefore do I believe that War is in Latin called Bellum, not by Antiphrasis, as some Patchers of old rusty Latin would have us to think; be∣cause in War there is little Beauty to be seen, but absolutely and simply; for that

in War appeareth all that is good and graceful, and that by the Wars is purged out all manner of Wickedness and Defor∣mity. For Proof whereof the wise and pacifick Solomon could no better represent the unspeakable Perfection of the Divine Wisdom, than by comparing it to the due disposure and ranking of an Army in Battel Array, well provided and ordered.

Therefore by reason of my Weakness and Inability, being reputed by my Compatriots unfit for the Offensive part of Warfare; and on the other side, being no way employed in matter of the De∣fensive, although it had been but to carry Burthens, fill Ditches, or break Clods, either whereof had been to me indiffe∣rent, I held it not a little disgraceful to be only an Idle Spectator of so many valo∣rous, eloquent and warlike Persons, who in the view and sight of all Europe act this notable Interlude or Tragicomedy, and not make some Effort towards the Perfor∣mance of this, nothing at all remains for me to be done. In my Opinion, little Honour is due to such as are meer Lookers on, liberal of their Eyes, and of their Purse parsimonious; who conceal their Crowns, and hide their Silver; scratching their Head with one Finger like grum∣bling Puppies, gaping at the Flies like

Tithe Calves; clapping down their Ears like Arcadian Asses at the Melody of Mu∣sicians, who with their very Countenan∣ces in the depth of silence express their Consent to the Prosopopeie.

Having made this Choice and Electi∣on, it seemed to me that my Exercise therein would be neither unprofitable nor troublesom to any, whilst I should thus set agoing my Diogenical Tub, which is all that is left me safe from the Shipwrack of my former Misfortunes.

At this dingle dangle wagging of my Tub, what would you have me to do? By the Virgin that tucks up her Sleeve, I know not as yet: Stay a little till I suck up a Draught of this Bottle, it is my true and only Helicon; it is my Caballine Foun∣tain; it is my sole Entousiasm. Drinking thus I meditate, discourse, resolve and conclude. After that the Epilogue is made, I laugh, I write, I compose, and drink again. Cynius drinking wrote, and wri∣ing drank. Aschylus (if Plutarch in his Symposiaes merit any Faith) drank compo∣sing, and drinking composed. Homer never wrote fasting, and Cato never wrote till after he had drunk. These Passages I have brought before you, to the end you may not say that I live without the Ex∣ample of Men well praised, and better▪

prised. It is good and fresh enough, even (as if you would say) it is entring upon the Second Degree. God the good God Sabaoth (that is to say, the God of Armies) be praised for it eternally. If you after the same manner would take one great Draught, or two little ones, whilst you have your Gown about you. I truly find no kind of Inconveniency in it, provided you send up to God for all some small scantling of Thanks.

Since then my Luck or Destiny is such as you have heard, for it is not for every body to go to Corinth, I am fully resolved to be so little idle and unprofitable, that I will set my self to serve the one and the other sort of People, amongst the Dig∣gers, Pioniers and Rampire-builders, I will do as did Neptune and Apollo at Troy under Laomedon, or as did Renault of Mountau∣ban in his latter days: I will serve the Ma∣sons, I'll set on the Pot to boyl for the Bricklayers; and whilst the minced Meat is making ready at the sound of my small Pipe, I'll measure the Muzzle of the mu∣sing Dotards. Thus did Amphion with the Melody of his Harp, found, build and finish the great and renowned City of Thebes.

For the use of the Warriours I am about to broach off new my Barrel to give them a taste, (which by two former Volumes of mine, if by the deceitfulness and falshood of Printers they had not been jumbled, marred and spoiled, you would have very well relish'd) and draw unto them of the growth of our own trippery Pastimes, a gallant third part of a Gal∣lon, and consequently a jolly chearful Quart of Pantagruelick Sentences, which you may lawfully call (if you please) Di∣ogenical; and shall have me (seeing I can∣not be their Fellow-Soldier) for their faith∣ful Butler, refreshing and cheering, ac∣cording to my little power, their return from the Alarms of the Enemy; as also for an indefatigable Extoller of their Mar∣tial Exploits and Glorious Atchievements. I shall not fail therein par lapathium acu∣tum de dieu, if Mars fail not in Lent, which the cunning Lecher (I warrant you) will be loath to do.

I remember nevertheless to have read, that Ptolomee the Son of Lagus one day, amongst the many Spoils and Booties, which by his Victories he had acquired, presenting to the Egyptians in the open view of the People, a Bactrian Camel all black, and a party-coloured Slave, in such sort, as that the one half of his Body was

black, and the other white, not in parti∣tion of breadth by the Diaphragma, as was that Woman consecrated to the Indian Venus, whom the Tyanean Philosopher did see between the River Hydaspes, and mount Caucasus, but in a perpendicular Dimension of Altitude; which were things never before that seen in Egypt. He expected by the show of these Novel∣ties to win the love of the People. But what hapned thereupon? At the produ∣ction of the Camel they were all affright∣ed, and offended at the sight of the par∣ty-coloured Man: Some scoffed at him as a detestible Monster brought forth by the Errour of Nature. In a word, of the Hope which he had to please these Egyp∣tians, and by such means to encrease the Affection which they naturally bore him, he was altogether frustrate and disappoint∣ed; understanding fully by their Deport∣ments, that they took more pleasure and delight in things that were proper, hand∣som and perfect, than in mishapen, mon∣strous and ridiculous Creatures; since which time he had both the Slave and the Camel in such dislike, that very shortly thereafter, either through Negligence, or for want of ordinary Sustenance, they did exchange their Life with Death.

This Example, My Cake will be Dough, and for my Venus I shall have but some deformed Puppy, putteth me in a suspence between hope and fear, mis∣doubting that for the Contentment which I aim at, I will but reap what shall be most distastful to me; instead of serving them, I shall but vex them, and offend them whom I purpose to exhilerate; re∣sembling in this dubious Adventure Eucli∣on's Cook, so renowned by Plautus in his Pot; and by Ausonius in his Griphon, and by divers others; which Cook, for having by his scraping, discovered a Treasure, had his Hide well curry'd. Put the case I get no Anger by it, though formerly such things fell out, and the like may occur again: Yet, by Hercules, it will not. So I perceive in them all one, and the same specifical Form, and the like individual Proprieties, which our Ancestor•• called Pantagruelism; by vertue whereof they will bear with any thing that floweth from a good, free, and loyal Heart. I have seen them ordinarily take good will in part of payment, and remain satisfied therewith, when one was not able to do better. Having dispatched this point, I return to my Barrel.

Up my Lads, to this Wine, spare it not; drink Boys, and trowl it off at full Bowls; if you do not think it good, let it alone. I am not like those officious and importunate Sots, who by Force, Out∣rage and Violence constrain an easie good∣natur'd Fellow to whiffle, quaff, carouse, and what is worse. All honest Tiplers, all honest gouty Men, all such as are a∣dry, coming to this little Barrel of mine, need not drink thereof, if it please them not; but if they have a mind to it, and that the Wine prove agreeable to the Tastes of their worshipful Worships, let them drink frankly, freely and boldly, without paying any thing, and welcome. This is my Decree, my Statute and Ordi∣nance; and let none fear there shall be any want of Wine as at the Marriage of Cana in Galilee; for how much soever you shall draw forth at the Faucet, so much shall I tun in at the Bung. Thus shall the Barrel remain inexhaustible; it hath a lively Spring and perpetual Current. Such was the Beverage contained within the Cup of Tantalus, which was figuratively represented amongst the Bracman Sages. Such was in Iberia the Mountain of Salt so highly written of by Cato. Such was the Branch of Gold consecrated to the sub∣terranean Goddess, which Virgil treats of

so sublimely. It is a true Cornu-copia of Merriment and Railery. If at any time it seem to you to be emptied to the very Lees, yet shall it not for all that be drawn wholly dry; good Hope remains there at the bottom, as in Pandora's Bott••e; and not despair, as in the Punction of the Danaids. Remark well what I have said, and what manner of People they be whom I do invite; for to the end that none be deceived, I (in imitation of Lu∣cilius, who did protest that he wrote only to his own Tarentias and Consentius, have not pierced this Vessel for any else, but you honest Men, who are Drinkers of the First Edition, and gouty Blades of the high∣est degree. The great Dorophages, Bribe∣mongers, have (on their hands) occupa∣tion enough, and enough on the Hooks, for their Venison. There may they follow their Prey; here is no Garbage for them. You Pettifoggers, Garbellers, and Masters of Chicanery, speak not to me I beseech you, in the name of, and for the Reverence you bear to the Four Hips that ingendred you, and to the Quickning Peg which at that time conjoined them. As for Hypo∣crites, much less; although they were all of them unsound in Body, pockify'd, scur∣fie, furnish'd with unquenchable Thirst, and insatiable Eating; because indeed

they are not of good but of evil, and of that evil, from which we daily pray to God to deliver us. And albeit we see them sometimes counterfeit Devotion, yet ne∣ver did Old Age make pretty Moppet. Hence Mastiffs, Dogs in a Doublet, get you behind, aloof Villains, out of my Sun∣shine; Curs, to the Devil. Do you jog hither, wagging your Tails, so pant at my Wine, and bepiss my Barrel? Look here is the Cudgel, which Diogines, in his last Will, ordained to be set by him after his Death, for beating away, crushing the Reins, and breaking the Backs of these Bustuary Hobgoblins, and Cerberian Hell∣hounds. Pack you hence therefore you Hypocrites to your Sheep-dogs, get you gone you Dissemblers to the Devil. Hay! What, are you there yet? I renounce my part of Papimanie. If I snatch you, Grr, Grrr, Grrrrrr. Avant, Avant, will you not be gone? May you never shit till you be soundly lash'd with Stirrup Leather, never piss but by the Strapado, nor be otherways warmed, than by the Bastinado.