The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. XX. How Goatsnose by signs maketh answer to Panurge. (Book 20)

GOatsnose being sent for, came the day thereafter to Pantagruel's Court; at his arrival to which Panurge gave him a fat Calf, the half of a Hog, two Punchi∣ons of Wine, one Load of Corn, and thirty Franks of small Money: then ha∣ving brought him before Pantatgruel, in presence of the Gentlemen of the Bed-chamber, he made this sign unto him.

He yawned along time, and in yawning made without his mouth with the thumb of his right hand the figure of the Greek Letter Tau by frequent reiterations. After∣wards he lifted up his eyes to Heaven∣wards, then turned them in his Head like a Shee-goat in the painful fit of an abso∣lute Birth, in doing whereof he did cough and sigh exceeding heavily: This done, after that he had made demonstration of the want of his Codpiece, he from under his shirt took his Placket-racket in a full gripe, making it therewithal clack very melodiously betwixt his Thighs: then no sooner had he with his Body stooped a lit∣tle forwards, and bowed his left Knee, but that immediately thereupon holding both his Arms on his Breast, in a loose faint∣like Posture, the one over the other, he paused awhile. Goatsnose looked wistly up∣on him, and having heedfully enough view∣ed him all over, he lifted up into the Air his left Hand, the whole fingers whereof he retained fist-ways closed together, ex∣cept the Thumb and the Fore-finger, whose Nails he softly joyned and coupled to one another. I understand (quoth Pantagruel) what he meaneth by that sign: it denotes marriage, and withal the number thirty, ac∣cording to the Profession of Pythagorians, you will be married. Thanks to you (quoth

Panurge) in turning himself towards Goats∣nose, my little Sewer, pretty Masters-mate, dainty Baily, curious Sergeant-Marshal, and jolly Catchpole-leader. Then did he lift higher up than before his said left Hand, stretching out all the five Fingers thereof, and severing them as wide from one ano∣ther as he possibly could get done. Here (says Pantagruel) doth he more amply and fully insinuate unto us, by the Token which he sheweth forth of the Quinary number, that you shall be married. Yea, that you shall not only be affianced, be∣trothed, wedded, and married, but that you shall furthermore cohabit, and live jollily and merrily with your Wife; for Pythagoras called five the Nuptial Number, which together with marriage, signifieth the Consummation of Matrimony, because it is composed of a ternary the first of the odd, and binary, the first of the even Num∣bers, as of a Male and Female knit and u∣nited together. In very deed it was the fashion of old in the City of Rome at Mar∣riage Festivals to light five wax Tapers, nor was it permitted to kindle any more at the magnifick Nuptials of the most Po∣tent and Wealthy; nor yet any fewer at the penurious Weddings of the Poorest and most Abject of the World. Moreover in times past, the Heathen, or Paynius im∣plored

the Assistance of five Deities, or of one helpful (at least) in five several good Offices to those that were to be married: of this sort were the Nuptial Iove, Iuno, President of the Feast, the fair Venus, Pi∣tho the Goddess of Eloquence and Perswa∣sion, and Diana, whose aid and succour was required to the labour of Child-bear∣ing. Then shouted Panurge, O the gen∣tile Goatsnose, I will give him a Farm near Gnais, and a Wind-mill hard by Mireba∣lais. Hereupon the dumb Fellow sneezeth with an impetuous vehemency, and huge concussion of the Spirits of the whole Bo∣dy, withdrawing himself in so doing with a jerting turn towards the left hand. By the Body of a Fox new slain (quoth Pan∣tagruel) what is that? this maketh nothing for your advantage; for he betokeneth thereby that your marriage will be inauspi∣cious and unfortunate. This snezing (accord∣ing to the Doctrine of Terpsion, is the Socra∣tick Demon) if done towards the right side, it imports and portendeth, that boldly, and with all assurance, one may go whither he will, and do what he listeth, according to what deliberation he shall be pleased to have thereupon taken: his entires in the beginning, progress in his proceedings, and success in the events and issues will be all lucky, good, and happy. The quite con∣trary

thereto is thereby implied and pre∣saged, if it be done towards the left. You (quoth Panurge) do take always the matter at the worst, and continually, like ano∣ther Davus, casteth in new disturbances and obstructions; nor ever yet did I know this old paultry Terpsion worthy of citation, but in points only of Cosenage and Impo∣sture. Nevertheless (quoth Pantagruel). Cicero hath written I know not what to the same purpose in his Second Book of Divina∣tion.

Panurge then turning himself towards Goatsnose made this sign unto him. He in∣verted his Eye-lids upwards, wri••ched his Jaws from the right to the left side, and drew forth his Tongue half out of his Mouth; this done, he posited his left Hand wholly open (the mid-finger wholly ex∣cepted, which was perpendicularly placed upon the Palm thereof) and set it just in the room where his Codpiece had been. Then did he keep his right Hand altoge∣ther shut up in a fist, save only the Thumb, which he streight turned backwards di∣rectly under the right Arm-pit, and settled it afterwards on that most eminent part of the Buttocks which the Arabs call the Alkatim. Suddenly thereafter he made this interchange, he held his right Hand after the manner of the left, and posited

it on the place wherein his Codpiece some∣time was, and retaining his left Hand in the form and fashion of the right, he pla∣ced it upon his Alkatim: this altering of Hands did he reiterate nine several times; at the last whereof, he reseated his Eye∣lids into their own first natural position. Then doing the like also with his Jaws and Tongue, he did cast a squinting look up∣on Goatsnose, diddering and shivering his Chaps, as Apes use to do now-a-days, and Rabbets, whilst almost starved with hun∣ger, they are eating Oats in the Sheaf.

Then was it that Goatsnose lifting up in∣to the Air his right Hand wholly open and displayed, put the Thumb thereof, even close unto its first articulation, be∣tween the two third Joints of the middle and ring fingers, pressing about the said Thumb thereof very hard with them both, and whilst the remainent Joints were con∣tracted and shrunk in towards the Wrist, he stretched forth with as much straitness as he could, the fore and little fingers. That hand thus framed and disposed of, he laid and posited upon Panurge's Navel, mo∣ving withal continually the aforesaid Thumb, and bearing up, supporting, or under-propping that Hand upon the above specified, and fore and little fingers, as up∣on two Leggs. Thereafter did he make

in this posture his Hand by little and little, and by degrees and pauses, successively to mount from athwart the Belly to the Sto∣mach, from whence he made it to ascend to the Breast, even upwards to Panurges's Neck, still gaining ground, till having reached his Chin he had put within the concave of his Mouth his afore-mentioned Thumb: then fiercely brandishing the whole Hand, which he made to rub and grate against his Nose, he heaved it fur∣ther up, and made the fashion, as if with the Thumb thereof he would have put out his Eyes. With this Panurge grew a little angry, and went about to withdraw, and rid himself from this ruggedly untoward dumb Devil. But Goatsnose in the mean time prosecuting the intended purpose of his Prognosticatory Response, touched very rudely with the above-mentioned shaking Thumb, now his Eyes, then his Forehead, and after that, the borders and corners of his Cap. At last Panurge cried out saying▪ Before God, Master-Fool, if you do not let me alone, or that you will presume to vex me any more, you shall receive from the best hand I have a Mask, wherewith to cover your rascally scoundred Face, yo•• paultry shitten Varlet. Then said Fryar Ihon, he is deaf, and doth not understand what thou sayest unto him. Bul••iballook,

make sign to him of a hail of Fisticuffs up∣on the Muzzle.

What the Devil (quoth Panurge) means this busie restless Fellow? what is it that this Polypragmonetick Ardelione to all the Fiends of Hell doth aim at? he hath almost thrust out mine Eyes, as if he had been to potch them in a Skillet with Butter and Eggs, by God, da Iurandi, I will feast you with flirts and raps on the Snout, in∣terlarded with a double row of bobs and finger filipings? Then did he leave him in giving him by way of Salve a Volley of Farts for his Farewel. Goatsnose perceiv∣ing Panurge thus to slip away from him, got before him, and by meer strength en∣forcing him to stand, made this sign unto him. He let fall his right Arm toward his Knee on the same side as low as he could, and raising all the fingers of that Hand in∣to a close fist, past his dexterer Thumb be∣twixt the foremost and mid-fingers there∣to belonging. Then scrubbing and swindg∣ing a little with his left Hand alongst, and upon the uppermost in the very bought of the Elbow of the said dexter Arm, the whole Cubit thereof by leisure fair, and softly, at these thumpatory warnings, did raise and elevate it self even to the El∣bow, and above it, on a suddain did he then let it fall down as low as before: and

after that, at certain intervals and such spa∣ces of time, raising and abasing it, he made a shew thereof to Panurge. This so incen∣sed Panurge, that he forthwith lifted his Hand to have strucken him the dumb Royster, and given him a sound whirret on the Ear, but that the respect and reve∣rence which he carried to the Presence of Pantagruel restrained his Choler, and kept his Fury within bounds and limits. Then said Pantagruel, If the bare signs now vex and trouble you, how much more grie∣vously will you be perplexed and disquie∣ted with the real things, which by them are represented and signified. All Truths agree, and are consonant with one ano∣ther; this dumb Fellow Prophesieth and Foretelleth that you will be married, cuckold∣ed, beaten and robbed. As for the marriage (quoth Panurge) I yield thereto, and ac∣knowledge the verity of that point of his Prediction; as for the rest I utterly abjure and deny it: and believe Sir, I beseech you, if it may please you so to do, that in the matter of Wives and Horses, never any Man was predestinated to a better Fortune than I.