The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. XIX. How Pantagruel praiseth the Counsel of Dumb Men. (Book 19)

PAntagruel, when this Discourse was ended, held for a pretty while his Peace, seeming to be exceeding sad and pensive, then said to Panurge, the malig∣nant Spirit misleads, beguileth and sedu∣ceth you. I have read that in times past the surest and most veritable Oracles were not those which either were delivered in Writing, or utter'd by word of Mouth in speaking: For many times, in their Interpretation, right witty, learned and ingenious Men have been deceived thro' Amphibolories, Equivoks, and Obscurity of Words, no less than by the brevity of their Sentences. For which cause Apollo, the God of Vaticination, was Surnamed 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Those which were represented then by Signs and outward Gestures were accounted the truest and the most infal∣lible. Such was the Opinion of Heracli∣tus: And Iupitur did himself in this man∣ner

give forth in Amon frequently Predi∣ctions: Nor was he single in this Pra∣ctice; for Apollo did the like amongst the Assyrians. His prophesying thus unto those People, moved them to paint him with a large long Beard, and Cloaths be∣seeming an old setled Person, of a most posed, stayed and grave Behaviour; not naked, young and beardless, as he was pourtrayed most usually amongst the Graecians. Let us make trial of this kind of Fatidicency; and go you take Advice of some dumb Person without any speak∣ing. I am content, (quoth Panurge.) But, says Pantagruel, it were requisite that the Dumb you consult with be such as have been deaf from the hour of their Nativi∣ty, and consequently dumb; for none can be so lively, natural, and kindly dumb, as he who never heard.

How is it, (quoth Panurge) that you conceive this matter? If you apprehend it so, that never any spoke, who had not before heard the Speech of others, I will from that Antecedent bring you to infer very logically a most absurd and pa∣radoxical Conclusion. But let it pass; I will not insist on it. You do not then believe what Herodotus wrote of two Chil∣dren, who at the special Command and Appointment of Psammeticus King of E∣gypt,

having been kept in a petty Coun∣try Cottage, where they were nourished and entertained in a perpetual silence, did at last, after a certain long space of time, pronounce this word Bee, which in the Phrygian Language signifieth Bread, No∣thing less (quoth Pantagruel) do I believe, than that it is a meer abusing of our Un∣derstandings to give Credit to the words of those, who say that there is any such thing as a Natural Language. All Speeches have had their primary Origin from the Arbitrary Institutions, Accords and Agree∣ments of Nations in their respective Con∣descendments to what should be noted and betokened by them. An Articulate Voice (according to the Dialecticians) hath naturally no signification at all; for that the sence and meaning thereof did totally depend upon the good will and pleasure of the first Deviser and Imposer of it. I do not tell you this without a Cause; for Bartholus, Lib. 5. de Verb. Oblig. very seriously reporteth, that even in his time there was in Cugubia one na∣med Sir Nello de Gabrielis, who although he by a sad mischance became altogether deaf, understood nevertheless every one that talked in the Italian Dialect howsoe∣ver he expressed himself; and that only by looking on his external Gestures, and

casting an attentive Eye upon the divers motions of his Lips and Chaps. I have read, I remember also, in a very literate and eloquent Author, that Turidates King of Armenia, in the days of Nero, made a Voyage to Rome, where he was received with great Honour and Solemnity, and with all manner of Pomp and Magnifi∣cence: Yea, to the end there might be a sempiternal Amity and Correspondence preserved betwixt him and the Roman Se∣nate; there was no remarkable thing in the whole City which was not shown un∣to him.

At his Departure the Emperor bestow∣ed upon him many ample Donatives of an inestimable Value: And besides, the more entirely to testifie his Affection to∣wards him, heartily intrusted him to be pleased to make choice of any whatsoever thing in Rome was most agreeable to his Fancy; with a Promise juramentally confirmed, That he should not be refused of his Demand. Thereupon, after a suitable Return of Thanks for a so graci∣ous Offer, he required a certain Iack∣pudding, whom he had seen to act his part most egregiously upon the Stage, and whose meaning (albeit he knew not what it was he had spoken) he understood per∣fectly enough by the Signs and Gesticula∣tions

which he had made. And for this Suit of his, in that he asked nothing else, he gave this Reason, That in the several wide and spacious Dominions, which were reduced under the Sway and Au∣thority of his Sovereign Government, there were sundry Countries and Nations much differing from one another in Lan∣guage, with whom, whether he was to speak unto them, or give any Answer to their Requests, he was always necessitated to make use of divers sorts of Truchmen and Interpreters: Now with this Man a∣lone, sufficient for supplying all their pla∣ces, will that great Inconveniency here∣after be totally removed; seeing he is such a fine Gesticulator, and in the Practice of Chirology an Artist so compleat, expert and dextrous, that with his very Fingers he doth speak. Howsoever you are to pitch upon such a dumb Bone as is deaf by na∣ture, and from his Birth; to the end that his Gestures and Signs may be the more vively and truly Prophetick, and not counterfeit by the intermixture of some adulterate Lustre and Affectation. Yet whether this dumb Person shall be of the Male or Female Sex is in your Option, lieth at your Discretion, and altogether dependeth on your own Election.

I would more willingly (quoth Pa∣nurge) consult with and be advised by a Dumb Woman, were it not that I am affraid of two things. The first is, That the greater part of Women, whatever it be that they see, do always represent un∣to their Fancies, think and imagine, that it hath some relation to the sugred entring of the goodly Ithypallos, and graffing in the Cleft of the overturned Tree, the quick-set Imp of the Pin of Copulation. Whatever Signs, Shews or Gestures we shall make, or whatever our Behaviour, Carriage or Demeanour shall happen to be in their view and Presence, they will interpret the whole in reference to the act of Androgynation, and the culbatizing Exercise, by which means we shall be abusively disappointed of our Designs, in regard that she will take all our Signs for nothing else but Tokens and Repre∣sentations of our Desire to entice her un∣to the Lists of a Cyprian Combat, or Cat∣senconny Skirmish.

Do you remember what hapned at Rome two hundred and threescore Years after the Foundation thereof? A young Roman Gentleman encountring by chance at the Foot of Mount Celion with a beauti∣ful Latin Lady named Verona, who from her very Cradle upwards had always been

both deaf and dumb, very civilly asked her, (not without a Chironomatick Italia∣nising of his Demand, with various Je∣ctigation of his Fingers, and other Ge∣sticulations, as yet customary amongst the Speakers of that Country) what Senators in her Descent from the top of the Hill she had met with going up thither. For you are to conceive, that he knowing no more of her Deafness than Dumbness, was ignorant of both. She in the mean time, who neither heard nor understood so much as one word of what he had said, streight imagin'd, by all that she could apprehend in the lovely Gesture of his manual Signs, that what he then required of her was, what her self had a great mind to, even that which a Young Man doth naturally desire of a Woman. Then was it, that by Signs (which in all oc∣currences of Venerial Love are incompa∣rably more attractive, valid and efficaci∣ous than Words) she beckned to him to come along with her to her House; which when he had done, she drew him aside to a privy Room, and then made a most lively alluring Sign unto him, to shew that the Game did please her. Whereup∣on, without any more Advertisement, or so much as the uttering of one Word on either side, they fell to, and bringuardised it lustily.

The other Cause of my being averse from consulting with dumb Women, is, that to our Signs they would make no an∣swer at all, but suddenly fall backwards in a divarication posture, to intimate thereby unto us the reality of their consent to the supposed motion of our tacit Demands. Or if they should chance to make any con∣tre-signs responsory to our Propositions, they would prove so foolish, impertinent, and ridiculous, that by them our selves should easily judge their thoughts to have no excursion beyond the duffling Aca∣demy. You know very well how at Cro∣quiniole, when the religious Nun, sister Fatbum, was made big with Child by the young Stifly-Stantor, her Pregnancy came to be known, and she cited by the Abbess, and in a full Convention of the Convent, accused of Incest. Her excuse was, That she did not consent thereto, but that it was done by the violence and impetuous force of the Friar Stifly-stand-to't. Hereto the Abbess very austerely replying, Thou naughty wicked Girl, why didst thou not cry, a Rape, a Rape, then should all of us have run to thy Succour. Her answer was, That the Rape was committed in the Dorter, where she durst not cry, because it was a place of sempiternal Silence. But (quoth the Abbess) thou roguish Wench,

why didst not thou then make some sign to those that were in the next Chamber beside thee? To this she answered, That with her Buttocks she made a sign unto them, as vigorously as she could, yet ne∣ver one of them did so much as offer to come to her help and assistance. But (quoth the Abbess) thou scurvy baggage, why didst not thou tell it me immediately after the perpetration of the Fact, that so we might orderly, regularly, and canoni∣cally have accused him? I would have done so, had the case been mine, for the clearer manifestation of mine Innocency. I truly, Madam, would have done the like with all my heart and soul, (quoth Sister Fatbum) but that fearing I should remain in Sin, and in the hazard of Eternal Dam∣nation, if prevented by a sudden Death, I did confess my self to the Father Fryar before he went out of the Room, who for my Penance, enjoyned me not to tell it, or reveal the matter unto any. It were a most enormous and horrid Offence, de∣testable before God and the Angels, to re∣veal a Confession: such an abominable Wickedness would have possibly brought down Fire from Heaven, wherewith to have burnt the whole Nunnery, and sent us all headlong to the bottomless Pit, to bear company with Corah, Dathan, and A∣biram.

You will not (quoth Pantagruel) with all your Jesting make me laugh; I know that all Monks, Fryars, and Nuns had rather violate and infringe the highest of the Commandments of God, then break the least of their Provincial Sta∣tutes.

Take you therefore Goatsnose, a Man very fit for your present purpose; for he is, and hath been, both dumb and deaf from the very remotest Infancy of his Childhood.