The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. XVIII. How Pantagruel, and Panurge did di∣versly Expound the Verses of the Sybil of Panzoust. (Book 18)

THE Leaves being thus collected, and orderly disposed, Epistemon and Pa∣nurge returned to Pantagruel's Court, part∣ly well pleased, and other part discontent∣ed: glad for their being come back, and vexed for the trouble they had sustained by the way, which they found to be craggy, rugged, stony, rough, and ill adjusted. They made an ample and full Relation of their Voyage, unto Pantagruel; as likewise of the Estate and Condition of the Sybil. Then having presented to him the Leaves of the Sycamore, they shew him the short and twattle Verses that were written in them. Pantagruel having read and considered the whole sum and sub∣stance of the matter, fetch'd from his Heart a deep and heavy Sigh, then said to Panurge: You are now, forsooth, in a good taking, and have brought your Hogs

to a fine Market: the Prophesie of the Sybil doth explain and lay out before us, the same very Predictions which have been denotated, foretold, and presaged to us by the Decree of the Virgilian Lots, and the Verdict of your own proper Dreams: to wit, that you shall be very much disgraced, shamed, and discredited by your Wife: for that she will make you a Cuckold in prostituting herself to others, being big with Child by another than you; will steal from you a great deal of your Goods, and will beat you, scratch, and bruise you, even from plucking the skin in apart from off you; will leave the Print of her Blows in some Member of your Body. You understand as much (an∣swered Panurge) in the veritable Inter∣pretation, and Expounding of recent Pro∣phesies, as a Sow in the matter of Spice∣ry. Be not offended (Sir, I beseech you) that I speak thus boldly; for I find myself a little in Choler, and that not without cause, seeing it is the contrary that is true; take heed, and give attentive Ear unto my words: The old Wife said, that as the Bean is not seen till first it be unhuskt, and that its swad or hull be shaled, and pilled from off it: so is it that my vertue and transcendent worth will never come by the Mouth of Fame, to be blazed abroad

proportionable to the height, extent, and measure of the excellency thereof, until preallably I get a Wife, and make the full half of a married Couple. How many times have I heard you say, that the Fun∣ction of a Magistrate, or Office of Digni∣ty, discovereth the Merits, Parts, and En∣dowments of the Person so advanced and promoted, and what is in him: that is to say, we are then best able to judge aright of the Deservings of a Man, when he is called to the management of Affairs: for when before he lived in a private Condi∣tion, we could have no more certain knowledge of him, then of a Bean within his Husk. And thus stands the first Arti∣cle explained: otherways could you ima∣gine, that the good Fame, Repute, and Estimation of an Honest Man, should de∣pend upon the▪ Tayl of a Whore?

Now to the meaning of the Second Ar∣ticle: My Wife will be with Child, (here lies the prime Felicity of Marriage) but not of me. Copsody, that I do believe indeed: It will be of a pretty little Infant: O how heartily I shall love it! I do alrea∣dy dote upon it; for it will be my dain∣ty Fedle-darling, my gentiel Dilli-minion. From thenceforth no Vexation, Care, or Grief, shall take such deep impression in my Heart, how hugely great or vehement

soever it otherways appear; but that it shall evanish forthwith, at the▪ sight of that my future Babe; and at the hearing of the Chat and Prating of its Childish Gibbridge: And blessed be the Old Wife. By my truly, I have a mind to settle some good Revenue or Pension upon her, out of the readiest Increase of the Lands of my Salmigondinois; not an inconstant, and uncertain Rent-seek, like that of witless, giddy-headed▪ Batchellors, but sure and fix∣ed, of the nature of the well-payed In∣comes of Regenting Doctors.

If this Interpretation doth not please you, think you my Wife will bear me in her Flanks: Conceive with me, and be of me delivered, as Women use in Childbed to bring forth their Young Ones: so as that it may be said, Panurge is a second Bacchus, he hath been twice born; he is re-born, as was Hypolitus, as was Proteus, one time of Thetis; and secondly, of the Mother of the Philosopher Apollonius: as were the two Palices, near the Flood Same∣thoe, in Sicily: his Wife was big of Child with him. In him is renewed and begun again the Palintocy, and of the Megariens, and the Palingenesie of Democritus. Fie up∣on such Errors, to hear stuff of that na∣ture rends mine Ears.

The words of the third Article are: She will suck me at my best End. Why not? that pleaseth me right well. You know the thing, I need not tell you, that it is my intercrural Pudding with one end. I swear and promise, that in what I can, I will preserve it sappy, full of juyce, and as well victualled for her use as may be; she shall not suck me, I believe, in vain, nor be destitute of her allowance; there shall her justum both in Peck and Lippy be furnish'd to the full eternally. You ex∣pound this passage allegorically, and in∣terpret it to Theft and Larceny. I love the Exposition, and the Allegory pleaseth me; but not according to the Sence whereto you stretch it. It may be that the sincerity of the Affection which you bear me, moveth you to harbour in your Breast those refractory thoughts concern∣ing me, with a suspition of my Adversity to come. We have this saying from the Learned, That a marvelously fearful thing is Love, and that true Love is never without fear. But (Sir) according to my Judg∣ment, you do understand both of and by your self, that here Stealth signifieth no∣thing else, no more then in a thousand other places of Greek and Latin, Old and Modern Writings, but the sweet fruits of amorous Dalliance, which Venus liketh

best, when reap'd in secret, and cull'd by fervent Lovers filchingly.

Why so? I prithee tell: Because when the Feat▪ of the loose Coat Skirmish hap∣peneth to be done under-hand and privi∣ly, between two well-disposed, athwart the Steps of a Pair of Stairs, lurkingly, and in covert, behind a Suit of Hangings, or close hid and trussed upon an unbound Faggot, it is more pleasing to the Cyprian Goddess, (and to me also, I speak this without prejudice to any better, or more sound Opinion) then to perform that Cul∣busting Art, after the Cynick manner, in the view of the clear Sun-shine, or in a rich Tent, under a precious stately Cano∣py, within a glorious and sublime Pavili∣on, or yet on a soft Couch betwixt rich Curtains of Cloth of Gold, without af∣frightment, at long intermediate Respits, enjoying of Pleasures and Delights a Belly∣full, all at great ease, with a huge fly-flap Fan of Crimson Sattin, and a Bunch of Feathers of some East-Indian Ostrich, ser∣ving to give Chace unto the Flyes all round about: whilst, in the Interim, the Female picks her Teeth with a stiff Straw, pick'd even then from out of the bottom of the Bed she lies on.

If you be not content with this my Ex∣position, are you of the mind that my Wife will suck and sup me up as People use to gulp and swallow Oysters out of the Shell? Or as the Cilician Women, accor∣ding to the Testimony of Dioscorides, were wont to do the Grain of Alkermes? Assu∣redly that is an Error. Who seizeth on it, doth neither gulch up, nor swill down; but takes away what hath been packed up, catcheth, snatcheth, and plies the Play of Hey pass, Repass.

The Fourth Article doth imply, That my Wife will flay me, but not at all. O the fine Word! You interpret this to beating Strokes and Blows. Speak wisely: Will you eat a Pudding? Sir, I beseech you to raise up your Spirits above the low∣sized pitch of earthly Thoughts unto that hight of sublime Contemplation, which reacheth to the Apprehension of the Mysteries and Wonders of Dame Na∣ture. And here be pleased to condemn your self, by a renouncing of those Errors which you have committed very grosly, and somewhat perversly, in expounding the Prophetick Sayings of the Holy Sybil. Yet put the case (albeit I yield not to it) that by the Instigation of the Devil, my Wife should go about to wrong me, make me a Cuckold downwards to the very

Breech, disgrace me otherways, steal my Goods from me; yea, and lay vio∣lently her Hands upon me; she neverthe∣less should fail of her Attempts, and not attain to the proposed end of her unrea∣sonable Undertakings.

The Reason which induceth me hereto, is grounded totally on this last Point, which is extracted from the profoundest Privacies of a Monastick Pantheology, as good Friar Arther Wagtaile told me oncé upon a Monday morning; as we were (if I have not forgot) eating a Bushel of Trot∣ter-pies; and I remember well it rained hard: God give him the good Morrow.

The Women at the beginning of the World, or a little after, conspired to flay the Men quick, because they found the Spirit of Mankind inclined to domineer it, and bear rule over them upon the face of the whole Earth; and in pursuit of this their Resolution, promised, confir∣med, sworn and covenanted amongst them all, by the pure Faith they owe to the nocturnal Sanct Rogero. But O the vain Enterprises of Women! O the great Fra∣gility of that Sex Feminine! They did begin to flay the Man, or pill him, (as says Catullus) at that Member which of all the Body they loved best; to wit, the nervous and cavernous Cane; and that above five

thousand years ago; yet have they not of that small part alone flayed any more till this hour but the Head: In meer despite whereof the Iews snip off that parcel of the Skin in Circumcision, choosing far rather to be called Clip-yards, Raskals, than to be flayed by Women, as are other Nations. My Wife, according to this Fe∣male Covenant, will flay it to me, if it be not so already. I heartily grant my Con∣sent thereto, but will not give her leave to flay it all: Nay, truly will I not, my no∣ble King. Yea, but (quoth Epistemon) you say nothing of her most dreadful Cries and Exclamations, when she and we both saw the Lawrel-bough burn without yielding any noise or crackling. You know it is a very dismal Ornen, an inauspicious sign, unlucky judice, and token formidable, bad, disastrous, and most unhappy, as is certified by Propertius, Tibullus, the quick Philosopher Porphyrius, Eustachius on the Iliads of Homer, and by many others.

Verily, verily, (quoth Panurge) brave are the Allegations which you bring me, and Testimonies of two-footed Calves. These Men were Fools, as they were Po∣ets; and Dotards, as they were Philoso∣phers; full of Folly, as they were of Phi∣losophy.