The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. XV. Panurge's Excuse and Exposition of the Monastick Mystery concerning Pou∣der'd Beef. (Book 15)

THE Lord save those who see, and do not hear, (quoth Panurge) I see you well enough, but know not what it is that you have said: the Hunger-starved Belly wanteth Ears: For lack of Victuals, before God, I roar, bray, yell and fume as in a furious Madness. I have perfor∣med too hard a Task to day, an extrordi∣nary Work indeed: He shall be craftier, and do far greater Wonders than ever did Mr. Mush, who shall be able any more this year to bring me on the Stage of Prepara∣tion for a dreaming Verdict. Fy; not to sup at all, that is the Devil. Pox take that Fashion. Come Friar Iohn, let us go break our Fast; for if I hit on such a round Refection in the morning as will serve throughly to fill the Mill-hopper and Hogshide of my Stomach, and furnish it with Meat and Drink sufficient, then at a

pinch, as in the case of some extream ne∣cessity which presseth, I could make a shift that day to forbear Dining. But not to Sup: A Plague rot that base Custom, which is an Error offensive to Nature. That Lady made the Day for Exercise, to travel, work, wait on and labour in each his Negotiation and Employment; and that we may with the more Fervency and Ardour prosecute our business, she sets be∣fore us a clear burning Candle, to wit, the Suns Resplendency: And at Night, when she begins to take the Light from us, she thereby tacitly implies no less, than if she would have spoken thus unto us: My Lads and Lasses, all of you are good and honest Folks, you have wrought well to day, toiled and turmoiled enough, the Night approacheth, therefore cast off these moiling Cares of yours, desist from all your swinking painful Labours, and set your Minds how to refresh your Bodies in the renewing of their Vigour with good Bread, choice Wine, and store of whol∣som Meats; then may you take some Sport and Recreation, and after that lie down and rest your selves, that you may strongly, nimbly, lustily, and with the more Alacrity to morrow attend on your Affairs as formerly.

Falconers in like manner, when they have fed their Hawks, will not suffer them to fly on a full Gorge, but let them on a Pearch abide a little, that they may rouse, bait, tour and soar the better. That good Pope, who was the first Instituter of Fast∣ing, understood this well enough; for he ordained that our Fast should reach but to the hour of Noon; all the remainder of that day was at our disposure, freely to eat and feed at any time thereof. In an∣cient times there were but few that dined▪ as you would say, some Church-men, Monks and Canons; for they have little other Occupation; each day is a Festi∣val unto them; who diligently heed the Claustral Proverb, De missa ad mensam. They do not use to linger and defer their sitting down and placing of themselves at Table, only so long as they have a mind in waiting for the coming of the Abbot; so they fell to without Ceremony, Terms or Conditions; and every body supped, unless it weresome vain, conceited, dreaming Do∣tard. Hence was a Supper called Caena, which sheweth that it is common to all sorts of People. Thou knowest it well, Friar Iohn. Come let us go, my dear Friend, in the name of all the Devils of the Infer∣nal Regions, let us go: The Gnawings of my Stomach, in this rage of Hunger, are

so taring, that they make it bark like a Mastiff. Let us throw some Bread and Beef into his Throat to pacifie him, as once the Sibyl did to Cerberus. Thou likest best Monastical Browess, the prime, the flower of the Pot. I am for the solid, principal Verb that comes after: The good brown Loaf, always accompany'd with a round slice of the Nine-lecture∣poudred Labourer. I know thy meaning, (answered Friar Iohn) this Metaphor is extracted out of the Claustral Kettle; the Labourer is the Ox, that hath wrought and done the Labour; after the fashion of Nine Lectures, that is to say, most exqui∣sitely well and throughly boil'd. These holy Religious Fathers, by a certain Cabalistick Institution of the Ancients, not written, but carefully by Tradition conveyed from hand to hand, rising betimes to go to Morning Prayers, were wont to flourish that their matutinal Devotion with some certain notable Preambles before their en∣try into the Church, viz. They dunged in the Dungeries, pissed in the Pisseries, spit in the Spitteries, melodiously coughed in the Cougheries, and doted in their Do∣teries, that to the Divine Service they might not bring any thing that was un∣clean or foul.

These things thus done, they very zea∣lously made their repair to the Holy Chap∣pel, (for so was, in their canting Lan∣guage, termed the Covent Kitchin) where they with no small earnestness, had Care that the Beef Pot should be put on the Crook for the Breakfast of the Religious Brothers of our Lord and Saviour; and the Fire they would kindle under the Pot themselves. Now the Matines consisting of Nine Lessons, was so incumbent on them, that they must have risen the ra∣ther for the more expedite dispatching of them all. The sooner that they rose, the sharper was their Appetite, and the Barkings of their Stomachs, and the Gnaw∣ings increase in the like proportion, and consequently made these Godly Men thrice more a hungred and a-thirst, than when their Matines were hem'd over only with three Lessons.

The more betimes they rose by the said Cabal, the sooner was the Beef Pot put on; the longer that the Beef was on the Fire, the better it was boiled; the more it boiled, it was the tenderer; the ten∣derer that it was, the less it troubled the Teeth, delighted more the Palats, less charged the Stomach, and nourished our good Religious Men the more substantial∣ly; which is the only end and prime in∣intention

of the first Founders, as appears by this, That they eat not to live, but live to eat, and in this World have nothing but their Life. Let us go, Panurge.

Now have I understood thee, (quoth Panurge) my Plushcod Friar, my Cabal∣line and Claustral Ballock. I freely quit the Costs, Interest and Charges, seeing you have so egregiously commented up∣on the most especial Chapter of the Cu∣linary and Monastick Cabal. Come along, my Garpalin, and you Friar Iohn, my Leather-dresser: Good morrow to you all, my good Lords: I have dreamed too much to have so little. Let us go. Pa∣nurge had no sooner done speaking, than Epistemon with a loud Voice said these Words: It is a very ordinary and com∣mon thing amongst Men to conceive, fore∣see, know and presage the misfortune, bad luck or disaster of another; but to have the understanding, providence, know∣ledge and prediction of a Man's own mishap is very scarce and rare to be found any where. This is exceeding judiciously and prudently deciphered by Esop in his Apologues, who there affirmeth, That every Man in the World carrieth about his Neck a Wallet, in the Fore-bag where∣of were contained the Faults and Mis∣chances of others, always exposed to his

view and knowledge; and in the other Scrip thereof, which hangs behind, are kept the Bearers proper Transgressions, and inauspicious Adventures, at no time seen by him, nor thought upon, unless he be a person that hath a favourable A∣spect from the Heavens.