The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.

CHAP. VIII. Why the Codpiece is held to be the chief piece of Armour amongst Warriours. (Book 8)

WIll you maintain (quoth Pantagruel) that the Codpiece is the chief piece of a Military Harness? It is a new kind of Doctrine very paradoxical: for we say at Spurs begins the arming of a Man. Sir, I maintain it, (answered Pa∣nurge) and not wrongfully do I maintain it. Behold how Nature having a servent desire after its Production of Plants, Trees, Shrubs, Herbs, Sponges, and plant Animals, to eternize, and continue them unto all Succession of Ages (in their several Kinds, or Sorts at least, although the Individuals perish) unruinable, and in an everlasting Being, hath most cu∣riously armed and fenced their Buds, Sprouts, Shutes, and Seeds, wherein the above-mentioned perpetuity consisteth, by strengthning, covering, guarding, and fortifying them with an admirable indu∣stry, with Husks, Cases, Scurfs, and Swads,

Hulls, Cods, Stones, Films, Cartels, Shells▪ Ears, Rinds, Barks, Skins, Ridges, and Prickles, which serve them instead o•• strong, fair, and natural Codpieces: as is manifestly apparent in Pease, Beans, Fa∣sels, Pomegranates, Peaches, Cottons, Gourds, Pumpions, Melons, Corn, Le∣mons, Almonds, Walnuts, Filberts, and Chestnuts; as likewise in all Plants, Slips, or Sets whatsoever, wherein it is plainly and evidently seen, that the Sperm and Semenae is more closely veiled, oversha∣dowed, corroborated, and throughly har∣nessed than any other part, portion, or parcel of the whole.

Nature nevertheless did not after that manner provide for the sempiternizing of Human Race: but on the contrary crea∣ted Man naked, tender, and frail, with∣out either offensive or defensive Arms; and that in the Estate of Innocence, in the first Age of all, which was the Golden Season; not as a Plant, but living Crea∣ture, born for Peace, not War, and brought forth into the World with an unquestio∣nable Right and Title to the plenary fru∣ition and enjoyment of all Fruits and Ve∣getables; as also to a certain calm and gentle Rule and Dominion over all Kinds of Beasts, Fowls, Fishes, Reptils, and In∣sects. Yet afterwards it hapning in the

time of the Iron Age, under the Reign of Iupiter, when to the multiplication of mischievous Actions, wickedness and ma∣lice began to take root and footing with∣in the then perverted Hearts of Men, that the Earth began to bring forth Nettles, Thistles, Thorns, Bryars, and such other stubborn and rebellious Vegetables to the Nature of Man; nor scarce was there any Animal, which by a fatal disposition did not then revolt from him, and tacitly con∣spire, and covenant with one another to serve him no longer, (nor in case of their ability to resist) to do him any manner of Obedience, but rather (to the uttermost of their power) to annoy him with all the hurt and harm they could. The Man then, that he might maintain his primi∣mitive Right and Prerogative, and conti∣nue his Sway and Dominion over all, both Vegetable and Sensitive Creatures; and knowing of a truth, that he could not be well accommodated as he ought, without the servitude and subjection of several A∣nimals, bethought himself, that of necessi∣ty he must needs put on Arms, and make provision of Harness against Wars, and Violence. By the holy Saint Babingoose, (cried out Pantagruel) you are become, since the last Rain, a great Lifre lofre, Philosopher, I should say. Take Notice,

Sir, (quoth Panurge) when Dame Nature had prompted him to his own Arming, what part of the Body it was, where, by her Inspiration, he clapped on the first Harness: It was forsooth by the double pluck of my little Dog the Ballock, and good Senor Don Priapos Stabo-stando, which done, he was content, and sought no more. This is certified by the Testimony of the great Hebrew Captain Philosopher Moyses, who affirmeth, That he fenced that Member with a brave and gallant Codpiece, most exquisitely framed, and by right curious Devices of a notably pregnant Invention, made up and com∣posed of Fig-tree-leaves, which by reason of their solid stiffness, incisory notches, curled frisling, sleeked smoothness, large ampleness, together with their colour, smell, vertue, and faculty, were exceed∣ing proper, and fit for the covering and arming of the Sachels of Generation, the hideously big Lorram Cullions being from thence only excepted; which swaggring down to the lowermost bottom of the Breeches, cannot abide (for being quite out of all order and method) the stately fashion of the high and lofty Codpiece; as is manifest, by the Noble Valentin Vi∣ardiere, whom I found at Nancie, on the First Day of May (the more flauntingly

to gallantrize it afterwards) rubbing his Ballocks, spread out upon a Table after the manner of a Spanish Cloak. Where∣fore it is, that none should henceforth say, who would not speak improperly, when any Country-Bumpkin hyeth to the Wars, Have a care, (my Roysters, of the Wine-pot, that is the Scull, but have a care (my Royster) of the Milk-pot; that is, the Testicles. By the whole Rabble of the horned Fiends of Hell, the Head being cut off, that single Person only thereby dieth: but if the Ballocks be marred, the whole Race of Humane Kind would forthwith perish, and be lost for ever.

This was the motive which incited the goodly Writer Galen, Lib. 1. De Spermate, to aver with boldness, That it ••vere better (that is to say, a less evil) to have no Heart at all, than to be quite destitute of Genitories: for there is laid up, conserved, and put in store, as in a Secessive Repository, and Sacred Warehouse, the Semenae, and Ori∣ginal Source of the whole Off-spring of Mankind. Therefore would I be apt to believe, for less than a hundred Franks, that those are the very same Stones, by means whereof Deucalion and Pyrrha resto∣red the Humane Race, in peopling with Men and Women the World, which a little before that, had been drowned in

the overflowing Waves of a Poetical Deluge. This stirred up the valiant Iu∣stinian, L. 1. 4. De Cagotis tollendis, to collocate his Summum Bonum, in Bra∣guibus, & Braguetis. For this, and other Causes, the Lord Humphry de Merville, following of his King to a certain War∣like Expedition, whilst he was in trying upon his own Person a new Suit of Ar∣mour, for of his old rusty Harness he could make no more use, by reason that some few Years since, the Skin of his Belly was a great way removed from his Kidneys, his Lady thereupon in the pro∣found musing of a contemplative Spirit, very maturely considering that he had but small care of the Staff of Love, and Packet of Marriage, seeing he did no otherways arm that part of the Body, then with Links of Mail, advised him to shield, fence, and gabionate it with a big tilting Helmet, which she had lying in her Closet, to her otherways utterly unprofitable. On this Lady was penned these subsequent Verses; which are ex∣tant in the Third Book of the Shitbrana of paultry Wenches.

When Yoland saw her Spouse, equipt for Fight, And, save the Codpiece, all in Armour dight, My Dear, she cry'd, Why, pray, of all the rest Is that expos'd, you know I love the best? Was she to blame for an ill-manag'd fear? Or rather pious, conscionable Care: Wise Lady, She! in hurly-burly Fight, Can any tell where random Blows may hit?

Leave off then (Sir) from being astonish∣ed, and wonder no more at this new manner of decking and trimming up of my self as you now see me.