The second book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick treating of the heroick deeds and sayings of the good Pantagruel. Written originally in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English. By S.T.U.C.

CHAP. XXI. How Panutge was in love with a Lady of Paris. (Book 21)

PAnurge began to be in great reputation in the City of Paris, by means of this dis∣putation, wherein he pre vailed against the English man, and from thenceforth made his Codpiece to be very useful to him, to which effect he had it pinked with pretty little Em∣broideries after the Romanesca fashion; And the world did praise him publickly, in so farre that there was a song made of him, which little children did use to sing, when they went to fetch mustard: he was withal made wel∣come in all companies of Ladies and Gentle∣women, so that at last he became presumptu∣ous, and went about to bring to his lure one of the greatest Ladies in the City: and in∣deed leaving a rabble of long prologues and protestations, which ordinarily these dolent contemplative Lent-lovers make, who ne∣ver meddle with the flesh; one day he said un∣to her, Madam, it would be a very great be∣nefit to the Common-wealth, delightful to you, honourable to your progeny, and ne∣cessary for me, that I cover you for the pro∣pagating

of my race, and beleeve it, for ex∣perience will teach it you: the Lady at this word thrust him back above a hundred leagues, saying, You mischievous foole, is it for you to talk thus unto me? whom do you think you have in hand? be gone, ne∣ver to come in my sight again; for if one thing were not, I would have your legs and armes cut off. Well, (said he) that were all one to me, to want both legs and armes, pro∣vided you and I had but one merry bout to∣gether, at the brangle buttock-game; for here within is (in shewing her his long Cod∣piece) Master Iohn Thursday, who will play you such an Antick, that you shall feel the sweetnesse thereof even to the very mar∣row of your bones: He is a gallant, and doth so well know how to finde out all the corners, creeks and ingrained inmates in your carnal trap, that after him there needs no broom, he'l sweep so well before, and leave nothing to his followers to work upon: whereunto the Lady answered, Go, villain, go, if you speak to me one such word more, I will cry out, and make you to be knocked down with blowes. Ha, (said he) you are not so bad as you say, no, or else I am de∣ceived in your physiognomie, for sooner shall the earth mount up unto the Heavens, and the highest Heavens descend unto the Hells, and all the course of nature be quite

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perverted, then that in so great beauty and neatnesse as in you is, there should be one drop of gall or malice: they say indeed, that hardly shall a man ever see a faire woman that is not also stubborn: yet that is spoke only of those vulgar beauties, but yours is so ex∣cellent, so singular, and so heavenly, that I beleeve nature hath given it you as a para∣gon, and master-piece of her Art, to make us know what she can do, when she will imploy all her skill, and all her power. There is no∣thing in you but honey, but sugar, but a sweet and celestial Manna: to you it was, to whom Paris ought to have adjudged the golden Apple, not to Venus, no, nor to Iu∣no, nor to Minerva; for never was there so much magnificence in Iuno, so much wis∣dom in Minerva, nor so much comelinesse in Venus, as there is in you. O heavenly gods and goddesses! how happy shall that man be to whom you will grant the favour to embrace her, to kisse her, and to rub his bacon with hers? by G—that shall be I, I know it well; for she loves me already her belly full, I am sure of it, and so was I predestinated to it by the Fairies: and therefore that we lose no time, put on, thrust out your gamons, and would have embraced her, but she made as if she would put out her head at the window, to call her neighbours for help. Then Panurge on a sudden ran out, and in his running away,

said, Madam, stay here till I come again, I will go call them my self, do not you take so much paines: thus went he away not much caring for the repulse he had got, nor made he any whit the worse cheer for it. The next day he came to the Church, at the time that she went to Masse, at the door he gave her some of the holy water, bowing himself ve∣ry low before her, afterwards he kneeled down by her very familiarly, and said unto her, Madam, know that I am so amorous of you, that I can neither pisse nor dung for love: I do not know (Lady,) what you mean, but if I should take any hurt by it, how much would you be too blame? Go, said she, go, I do not care, let me alone to say my prayers. I but (said he) equivocate upon this; a Beau∣mon le viconte, or to faire mount the pric∣cunts: I cannot, said she: It is, said he, a beau con le vit monte, or to a faire C. . . the pr. . . mounts: and upon this pray to God to give you that which your noble heart desireth, and I pray you give me these patenotres. Take them (said she) & trouble me no longer: this done, she would have taken off her pate∣notres, which were made of a kinde of yel∣low stone called Cestrin, and adorned with great spots of gold, but Panurge nimbly drew out one of his knives, wherewith he cut them off very handsomly, and whilest he was going away to carry them to the Brokers, he

said to her, Will you have my knife? No, no, said she: But (said he) to the purpose, I am at your commandment, body and goods, tripes and bowels.

In the mean time, the Lady was not very well content with the want of her patinotres; for they were one of her implements to keep her countenance by in the Church: then thought with her self, this bold flowting Roy∣ster, is some giddy, fantastical, light-headed foole of a strange countrey; I shall never re∣cover my patenotres again, what will my husband say, he will no doubt be angry with me; but I will tell him that a thief hath cut them off from my hands in the Church, which he will easily beleeve, seeing the end of the riban left at my girdle. After dinner Pa∣nurge went to see her carrying in his sleeve a great purse full of Palace-crowns called counters, and began to say unto her, Which of us two loveth other best, you me, or I you? whereunto she answered, As for me, I do not hate you; for as God commands, I love all the world: But to the purpose, (said he) are not you in love with me? I have (said she) told you so many times already, that you should talk so no more to me, and if you speak of it again, I will teach you, that I am not one to be talked unto dishonestly: get you hence packing, and deliver me my pate∣notres, that my husband may not ask me for them.

How now, (Madam) said he, your pate∣notres? nay, by mine oath I will not do so, but I will give you others; had you rather have them of gold well enameled in great round knobs, or after the manner of love∣knots, or otherwise all massive, like great in∣gots, or if you had rather have them of Ebene, of Iacinth, or of grained gold, with the marks of fine Turkoises, or of faire Topazes, marked with fine Saphirs, or of baleu Rubies, with great marks of Diamonds of eight and twenty squares? No, no, all this is too little; I know a faire bracelet of fine Emeraulds, marked with spotted Ambergris, and at the buckle a Persian pearle as big as an Orange: it will not cost above five and twenty thousand ducates, I will make you a present of it, for I have rea∣dy coine enough, and withal he made a noise with his counters as if they had been French Crownes.

Will you have a piece of velvet, either of the violet colour, or of crimson died in graine: or a piece of broached or crimson sattin? will you have chaines, gold, tablets, rings? You need no more but say, Yes, so farre as fifty thousand ducates may reach, it is but as nothing to me; by the vertue of which words he made the water come in her mouth: but she said unto him, No, I thank you, I will have nothing of you. By G—said he, but I will have somewhat of you; yet shall

it be that which shall cost you nothing, nei∣ther shall you have a jot the lesse, when you have given it, hold, (shewing his long Cod∣piece) this is Master Iohn Good fellow, that askes for lodging, and with that would have embraced her; but she began to cry out, yet not very loud. Then Panurge put off his counterfeit garb, changed his false visage, and said unto her, You will not then otherwayes let me do a little, a turd for you, you do not deserve so much good, nor so much honour: but by G—I will make the dogs ride you, and with this he ran away as fast as he could, for feare of blowes, whereof he was natural∣ly fearful.