The second book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick treating of the heroick deeds and sayings of the good Pantagruel. Written originally in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English. By S.T.U.C.

CHAP. XV. How Panurge shewed a very new way to build the walls of Paris. (Book 15)

PAntagruel one day to refresh himself of his study, went a walking towards St. Marcels suburbs, to see the extravagancie

of the Gobeline building, and to taste of their spiced bread. Panurge was with him, having alwayes a flaggon under his gown, and a good slice of a gammon of bacon; for without this he never went, saying, that it was as a Yeoman of the guard to him, to preserve his body from harme, other sword carried he none: and when Pantagruel would have given him one, he answered, that he needed none, for that it would but heat his milt. Yea but (said Epistemon) if thou shouldest be set upon, how wouldest thou defend thy self? With great buskinades or brodkin blowes, answered he, provided thursts were forbidden. At their return, Panurge considered the walls of the City of Paris, and in derision said to Panta∣gruel, See what faire walls here are! O how strong they are, and well fitted to keep geese in a mue or coop to fatten them! by my beard they are competently scurvie for such a City as this is; for a Cow with one fart would go near to overthrow above six fa∣thoms of them. O my friend (said Panta∣gruel) doest thou know what Agesilaus said, when he was asked, Why the great City of Lacedemon was not inclosed with walls? Lo here (said he) the walls of the City, in shew∣ing them the inhabitants and Citizens there∣of, so strong, so well armed, and so expert in military discipline; signifying thereby, that there is no wall but of bones; and that Towns

and Cities cannot have a surer wall, nor bet∣ter fortification then the prowesse and vertue of the Citizens and Inhabitants; so is this City so strong, by the great number of war∣like people that are in it, that they care not for making any other walls. Besides, whoso∣ever would go about to wall it, as Strasbourg, Orleans or Ferrara, would finde it almost im∣possible, the cost and charges would be so ex∣cessive. Yea, but (said Panurge) it is good neverthelesse to have an out-side of stone, when we are invaded by our enemies, were it but to ask, Who is below there? As for the enormous expence, which you say would be needful for undertaking the great work of walling this City about, if the Gentlemen of the Town will be pleased to give me a good rough cup of wine, I will shew them a pretty, strange and new way how they may build them good cheap. How (said Panta∣gruel?) Do not speak of it then (answered Panurge,) and I will tell it you. I see that the sine quo nons, killibistris, or contrapunctums of the women of this Countrey, are better cheap then stones: of them should the walls be built, ranging them in good symmetrie by the rules of Architecture, and placing the largest in the first ranks, then sloping down∣wards ridgewayes, like the back of an Asse, the middle sized ones must be ranked next, and last of all the least and smallest. This

done, there must be a fine little interlacing of them, like points of Diamonds, as is to be seen in the grear Tower of Bourges, with a like number of the nudinnudo's, nilnisistando's, and stiffe bracmards, that dwell in amongst the claustral Codpieces. What devil were able to overthrow such walls? there is no metal like it to resist blowes, in so farre that if Culverin-shot should come to grease upon it, you would incontinently see distill from thence the blessed fruit of the great pox, as small as raine: beware in the name of the de∣vils, and hold off; furthermore, no thunder∣bolt or lightning would fall upon it, for why? they are all either blest or consecrated: I see but one inconveniency in it: Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha, (said Pantagruel,) and what is that? It is that the flies would be so lickorish of them, that you would wonder, and would quickly ga∣ther there together, and there leave their or∣dure and excretions, and so all the work would be spoiled. But see how that might be remedied, they must be wiped and made rid of the flies with faire fox-tailes, or good great viedazes (which are Asse-pizzles) of Provence. And to this purpose I will tell you (as we go to supper,) a brave example set down by Frater Lubinus libro de compotationi∣bus mendicantium; in the time that the beasts did speak, which is not yet three dayes since.

A poor Lion, walking through the for∣test of Bieure, and saying his own little pri∣vate devotions, past under a tree, where there was a roguish Collier gotten up to cut down wood, who seeing the Lion, cast his hatchet at him, and wounded him enormously in one of his legs, whereupon the Lion halting, he so long toiled and turmoiled himself in roam∣ing up and down the forrest to finde helpe, that at last he met with a Carpenter, who wil∣lingly look't upon his wound, cleansed it as well as he could, and filled it with mosse, telling him that he must wipe his wound well, that the flies might not do their excrements in it, whilest he should go search for some yarrow or millefoile, commonly called the Carpenters herbe. The Lion being thus heal∣ed, walked along in the forrest, at what time a sempiternous Crone and old Hag, was pick∣ing up, and gathering some sticks in the said forrest, whoseeing the Lion coming towards her, for feare fell down backwards, in such sort, that the winde blew up her gown, coats and smock even as farre as above her shoul∣ders; which the Lion perceiving, for pity ran to see whether she had taken any hurt by the fall, and thereupon considering her how do you call it, said, O poor woman, who hath thus wounded thee? which words when he had spoken, he espied a fox, whom he called to come to him, saying, Gossip Renard, hau, hi∣ther,

hither, and for cause: when the fox was come, he said unto him, My gossip and friend, they have hurt this good woman here be∣tween the legs most villainously, and there is a manifest solution of continuity, see how great a wound it is, even from the taile up to the navel, in measure foure, nay full five handfulls and a half; this is the blow of an hatchet, I doubt me it is an old wound, and therefore that the flies may not get into it, wipe it lustily well and hard; I prethy, both within and without; thou hast a good taile and long, wipe, my friend, wipe, I beseech thee, and in the mean while I will go get some mosse to put into it; for thus ought we to succour and help one another, wipe it hard, thus, my friend, wipe it well, for this wound must be often wiped, otherwise the Party cannot be at ease: go to, wipe well, my little gossip, wipe, God hath furnished thee with a taile, thou hast a long one, and of a bignesse proportionable, wipe hard and be not weary. A good wiper, who in wiping continually, wi∣peth with his wipard, by wasps shall never be wounded: wipe, my pretty minion, wipe, my little bullie, I will not stay long. Then went he to get store of mosse; and when he was a little way off, he cried out in speaking to the fox thus, Wipe well still, gossip, wipe, and let it never grieve thee to wipe well, my little gossip, I will put thee into service to be wiper

to Don Pedro de Castille, wipe, only wipe, and no more: the poor fox wiped as hard as he could, here and there, within and withou: but the false old trot did so fizzle and fist, that she stunk like a hundred devils, which put the poor fox to a great de••l of ill ease, for he knew not to what side to turn himself, to escape the unsavoury perfume of this old womans po∣stern blasts, and whilest to that effect he was shifting hither and thither, without knowing how to shun the annoyance of those unwhole∣som gusts, he saw that behinde there was yet another hole, not so great as that which he did wipe, out of which came this filthy and infectious aire. The Lion at last return∣ed, bringing with him of mosse more then eighteen packs would hold, and began to put into the wound, with a staffe that which he had provided for that purpose, and had already put in full sixteen packs and a half, at which he was amazed: What a devil? (said he) this wound is very deep, it would hold above two cart-loads of mosse. The fox perceiving this, said unto the Lion, O gossip Lion, my friend, I pray thee do not put in all thy mosse there, keep somewhat; for there is yet here ano∣ther little hole, that stinks like five hundred devils; I am almost choaked with the smell thereof, it is so pestiferous and impoison∣ing.

Thus must these walls be kept from the

flies, and wages allowed to some for wiping of them. Then said Pantagruel, How dost thou know that the privy parts of women are at such a cheap rate? for in this City there are many vertuous, honest and chaste women besides the maids: Et ubi prenus, said Pa∣nurge? I will give you my opinion of it, and that upon certain and assured knowledge. I do not brag that I have bumbasted four hun∣dred and seventeen, since I came into this City, though it be but nine dayes ago: but this very morning I met with a good fellow, who in a wallet, such as Aesops was, carried two little girles of two or three yeares old at the most, one before, and the other behinde: he demanded almes of me, but I made him answer, that I had more cods then pence; af∣terwards I asked him, Good man, these two girles are they maids? Brother, said he, I have carried them thus these two yeares, and in regard of her that is before, whom I see continually, in my opinion she is a Virgin, neverthelesse I will not put my finger in the fire for it; as for her that is behinde, doubt∣lesse I can say nothing. Indeed (said Panta∣gruel) thou art a gentile companion, I will have thee to be apparelled in my livery, and therefore caused him to be clothed most gallantly according to the fashion that then was, only that Panurge would have the Cod∣piece of his breeches three foot long, and

shape square, not round, which was done and was well worth the seeing. Often∣times was he wont to say that the world had not yet known the emolument and u∣tility that is in wearing great Codpieces; but time would one day teach it them, as all things have been invented in time. God keep from hurt (said he) the good fellow whose long Codpiece or Braguet hath saved his life: God keep from hurt him, whose long Braguet hath been worth to him in one day, one hundred threescore thousand and nine Crowns: God keep from hurt him, who by his long Braguet hath saved a whole City from dying by famine. And by G—I will make a book of the commodity of long Bra∣guets, when I shall have more leasure. And indeed he composed a faire great book with figures, but it is not printed as yet that I know of.