The works of F. Rabelais, M.D., or, The lives, heroic deeds and sayings of Gargantua and Pantagruel with a large account of the life and works of the author, particularly an explanation of the most difficult passages in them never before publish'd in any language / done out of French by Sir Tho. Urchard, Kt., and others.

CHAP. XXXIII. How some Ministers of Picrochole, by Hair-brain'd Counsel put him in extreme Danger.

THE Carts being unloaded, and the Mo∣ney and Cakes secured, there came be∣fore Picrochole, the Duke of Small-trash, the Earl Swash-buckler and Captain Durtaille, who said unto him, Sir, this day we make you the happiest, the most warlike and chivalrous Prince that ever was since the death of A∣lexander of Macedonia. Be covered, be cove∣red (said Picrochole) cry you mercy (said they) we do but our Duty: The manner is thus, you shall leave some Captain here to have the charge of this Garrison, with a Party competent for keeping of the place, which besides its natural strength, its made stronger by the rampiers and fortresses of your devising. Your Army you are to divide into two parts, as you know very well how to do; one part thereof, shall fall upon Grangousier and his forces; by it shall he be easily, at the very first shock routed and then shall you get Money by heaps, for the Clown had store of

ready Coin. Clown we call him, because, A noble and generous Prince, had never a penny and that to hoard up Treasure, is the part of a Clown. The other part of the Army, in the mean Time shall draw towards Onys, Xaintouge, Angoulosme and Cascony; then march to Perigrout, Medos and Elanes, taking wherever you come without resistance, Towns, Castles and Forts. Afterwards to Bayonne, St. Ihon de luz, to F••entarabia, where you shall seize upon all the Ships and coasting along Galicia and Por∣tugal, shall pillage all the maritine Places, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••nto Lisbon, where you shall be supplied 〈…〉〈…〉 necessaries befitting a Conquerour. By Copsodi Spain will yield, for they are but a race of Loobies. Then are you to pass by the streights of Gibralter, where you shall e∣rect two Pillars more stately then those of Hercu∣les, to the perpetual memory of your Name and the narrow Entrance, there shall be call'd the Picrochonical Sea.

Having past the Picrochonical sea, behold, Barbarossa yields himself your slave. I will (said Picrochole) give him fair quarter. Yea (said they) so that he be content to be christened. And you shall conquer the Kingdoms of Tu∣nes, of Hippos, Argier, Bomine, Corode, yea all Barbary. Furthermore, you shall take into your hands Majorca, Minorca, Sardinia, Corsica, with the other Islands of the Ligustic and Balcarian Seas. Going alongst on the left Hand, you shall Subdue, all Gallia Narbonensis, Pro¦vence,

the Allobrogians, Genua, Florence, Luca, and then God buy Rome, our poor Monsieur the Pope dyes now for fear. By my faith (said Picrochole,) I will not Then kiss his Pantuffle.

Italy being thus taken, behold, Naples, Ca∣labria, Aputia and Sicilie, all ransacked and Malta too. I wish those Jovial, Quondam Knights of Rhodes, would but come to resist you, that we might see their Urine. I would (said Picrochole) very willingly go to Loretta. No, no, (said they) that shall be at our return. From thence we will sail Eastwards, and take Candia, Cyprus, Rhodes, and the Cyclade Island, and set upon Morea. It is ours by 〈…〉〈…〉, the Lord preserve Ierusalem; for 〈…〉〈…〉 Soldan, is not comparable to you in Power: I will then (said he,) cause Solomon's Temple to be built. No, (said they) not yet, have a little patience, stay a while, be never too sudden in your enterpriss.

Can you tell what Octavian Augustus said, Festina lente; it is requisite that you first have the lesser Asia, Carra, Lycia, Pamphilia, Cilicia, Lydia, Phrygia, Mysia, Bithinia, Cara, Zia, Satalia, Samagaria, Castamena, Luga, Sanasta, even unto Euphrates. Shall we see (said Picro∣chole,) Babylon and Mount Sinai? There is no need (said they) at this time; have we not hurried up and down, travelled and toyl'd enough, in having transfreted and past over the Hircanian Sea, marched alongst the two Armenias and the three Arabias? By my faith

(said he) we have played the Fools, and are undone. Ha, poor Souls! What's the mat∣ter, said they? What shall we have (said he) to drink in these deserts? for Iulian Augustus, with his whole Army died there for thirst, as they say. We have already (said they) given order for that: In the Siriac Sea, you have nine thousand and fourteen great ships, laden with the best wines, in the world; they arrived at Port-Ioppa, there you shall find two and twenty thousand Camels, and sixteen hundred Elephants, which you shall find at one hunting about Sigelmes, when you enter into Libia; and besides this, you will have all the Macca Caravane, will not they furnish you sufficiently with wine? Yes, but (said he) we shall not drink it fresh, that (said they,) is for a little fish, but a mighty Man, a pretender, one that aspires to the Monarchy of the World cannot always have his ease. God be thanked, that you and your men, are come safe and sound unto the banks of the rive•• Tigris.

But (said he) what doth that part of our Army in the mean time, which overthrows that worthy Swill-pot, Grangousier? They are not idle (said they) we shall meet with them by and by, they shall have won you Britany, Normandy, Flanders, Haynault, Brabant, Artois, Holland, Zealand, they have past the Rhine over the bellies of the Switsers and Lanskenets, and a party of these hath subdued Luxemburg,

Lorrain, Champaign and Savoy, even to Lions, in which place they have met with your forces, returning from the naval Conquests of the Mediterranean Sea; and have rallied again in Bohemia, after they had plundered and sacked Suevia, Wittemburg, Bavaria, Austria, Moravia and Styria. Then they set fiercely together upon Lubeck, Norway, Swedeland, Rie, Denmark▪ Guitland, Greenland, the Sterlins, even unto the frozen Sea. This done, they con∣quered the Isles of Orkney and subdued Scotland, England & Ireland. From thence sailing through the sandy Sea, and by the Sarmates, they have van∣quished and overcome Prussia, Poland, Lituania, Russia, Walachia, Transilvania, Hungaria, Bulgaria, Turquieland and are now at Constantinople. Come (said Picrochole) let us go joyn with them quick∣ly for I will be Emperour of Trebezonde also; shall we not kill all these dog Turks and Ma∣humetans? What a devil should we do else, said they; and you shall give their Goods and Lands to such as shall have served you honestly. Reason (said he) will have it so, that is but just; I give unto you the Caramania, Surie and all the Palestine. Ha, Sir (said they) it is your goodness: Grammercie, God grant you may always prosper. There was present at the time an old Gentleman, well experienced in in the Wars, a stern Souldier, and who had been in many great hazards, named Echephron, who hearing this discourse, said, I do grealty doubt that all this enterprise will

be like the tail of the pitcher full of Milk, where∣with a Shomaker made himself rich in con∣ceit; but when the pitcher was broken, he had not whereupon to dine. What do you pre∣tend by these large Conquests? what shall be the end of so many labours and crosses? Thus it shall be (said Picrochole) that when we return we shall sit down, rest and be merry. But (said Echephron,) if by chance you should never come back, for the voyage is long and dangerous, where it not better for us to take our rest now, then unneces∣sarily to expose our selves to so many dan∣gers? O (said Swashbuckler,) by G— here is a good dotard, come let us go hide our selves in the corner of a Chimney and there spend the whole time of our life amongst Ladies, in threading of pea••ls, or spinning like Sardanapalus. He that nothing ventures, hath neither Horse nor Mule (said Solomon) He who adventureth too much (said Echepron) loseth both Horse and Mule, as Malchon answered. Enough (said Picrochole,) go forward; I fear nothing but that these Devillish Legions of Grangousier, whilst we are in Mesopotamia, will come on our backs and charge upon our rear, what remedy then? A very good one (said Durtaille) send a pretty round Commission to the Muscoviters. And they bring instantly into the Field for you four hundred and fifty thousand choice fighting Men. O that you would but make me your Lieutenant General,

how I should truss up the Rogues with dis∣cipline? I fret, I charge, I strike, I take, I kill, I slay, I play the Devil. On, on (said Picrochole) he that loves me, follow me.