The works of F. Rabelais, M.D., or, The lives, heroic deeds and sayings of Gargantua and Pantagruel with a large account of the life and works of the author, particularly an explanation of the most difficult passages in them never before publish'd in any language / done out of French by Sir Tho. Urchard, Kt., and others.

CHAP. XI. Of the youthful age of Gargantua.

GArgantua, from three Years upwards unto five, was brought up and Instruct∣ed, in all Convenient Discipline, by the Commandment of his Father; and spent that time like the other little Child••en of the Countrey; that is, in Drinking, Eating and Sleeping, in Eating, Sleeping and Drinking, and in Sleeping, Drinking and Eating: Still he wallowed and rowled up and down him∣self in the mire, and dirt; he blurred and sullied his nose with Filth, he blotted and smutch't his Face with any kind of nasty stuffe, he trode down his Shooes in the Heel, lay with his Mouth open to Catch Gnats, and ran a hawking after the Butterflies; the Empire whereof belonged to his Father. He pissed in his Shoes, shit in his Shirt, and wiped his nose on his sleeve: He did let his Snot and Snivel fall in his Pottage, and dabled, padled and slabbered every where. He would drink in his Slipper, and ordinarily rub his Belly against a Pa∣nier: He wou'd pick his Teeth, with a wooden Shoe; wipe his breech with his Finger, washed his Hands in his Broth, and combed his Head with a broken Ladle.

He would sit down betwixt two stools and his Arse to the ground; would cover himself with a wet sack, drink in his Potage, gnaw the bone he cou'd not swallow, eat his Cake without bread, bite laughing, and laugh biteing, spit in the dish, fart in his fist, piss against the wind; and hide himself in the Water for fear of Rain: He would strike before the Iron was hot, would blow in the dust till it fill'd his Eyes: Be often in the dumps, and frig and wriggle it. He would flay the Fox, say the Apes Paternoster, would Run at Mutton, and turn the Hogs to the Hay. He would beat the Dogs before the Lion; put the Plough be∣fore the Oxen; and claw where it did not itch. He would leap before he looked, at Midsummer-Moon, spend his Michaelmas Rent: And take misreckoning for good payment. By griping, all would hold fast nothing, and always eat his white bread first. He shoo'd the Geese, tickled himself to make himself laugh, was Cook-Ruffing in the Kitching, would sing Magnificat at Matines, and found it was an Enemy of God, would turn to ac∣count. He would eat Cabbage, and shite Col∣ly-flowers; catch Fish in a Dish of Milk, and make them all Cripples: He would tear the Paper: Race the Records, then trust his heels for his security: He would pull at the Kids-leather, or vomit up his Dinner, then reckon without his Host: He would beat the Bushes

without catching the Birds, thought the Moon was made of green Cheese, and that every thing was Gold that glisters. He would soon∣er go to the Mill than to Mass; took a Bit in the Morning to be better than nothing all day; would eat his Cake and have his Cake; and was better fed than taught; he always look∣ed a given Horse in the Mouth; would tell a Tale of a Tub; throw the Helm after the Hatchet; when the Steed was stoln, would shut the Stable-door, and bring his Hogs to a Fair Market: By robbing Peter he payed Paul, he kept the Moon from Wolves, and was ready to catch Larks, if ever the Heavens should fall: He did make of Necessity Ver∣tue, of such Bread such Pottage, and cared as little for the peeled as for the shaven: Every Morning he did cast up his gorge, his Fathers little Dogs eat out of the Dish with him, and he with them: He would bite their Ears, and they would scratch his Nose: He would blow in their Arses, and they would lick his chaps.

But hearken good Fellows, may ye be sick of the Mulligrubs, with eating chopt Hay, if now ye do not listen: This little Lecher was always groping his Nurses and Governesses, upside down, arswise, topsiturvy, harribourr quet, with a Yacco haic, hyck-gio, hand∣ling them very rudely in jumbling and tumb∣ling them to keep them going; for he had already begun to exercise the Tools, and put

the Codpiece in practice; which Codpiece his Governesses did every day deck up and adorn with fair Nosegays, curious Ribbans, sweet Flowers, and fine silken Tufts, and very pleasantly would pass their time, in ta∣king, you know what, between their Fingers, and dandling it like a little Baby; then did they burst out in laughing, when they saw it lift up its ears, as if the sport had liked them. One of them would call it her Pilli∣cock, her Fiddle-diddle, her Staff of Love, her Tickle-gizzard, her Gentle-tilter. Ano∣ther, her Sugar-plum, her Kingo, her old Rowley, her Touch-tripe, her Flap-dowdle. Another again, her Branch of Coral, her Placket-racket, her Cyprian Scepter, her Tit bit, her Bob Lady. And some of the other Women would give these Names, My Roger, my Cockatoo, my Nimble-wimble, Bush-beater, Claw-buttock, Eves-dropper, Pick-lock, Pioneer, Bully-ruffin, Smell-smock, Trouble-gusset, my lusty Live Saucage, my Crimson Chitterlin, Rump-splitter, Shove-devel, downright to't, stiff and stout, in and to, at-her-agen, my Cony-borow-ferret, Wily-beguiley, my pretty Rogue; It belongs to me, said one: It is mine, said the other: What, quoth a third, shall I have no share in it? by my faith I will cut it off then, Ha, to cut it off, (said the other,) would be a scurvy business: Madam, is it your way to cut off little Childrens things; were his cut off, he

would be then Master bob, that he might play and sport himself, after the manner of the other little Children of the Country, they made him a goodly whirle-gig of the wings of the windmil of Myrebalais.