The works of the famous Mr. Francis Rabelais, doctor in physick treating of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua and his son Pantagruel : to which is newly added the life of the author / written originally in French, and translated into English by Sr. Thomas Urchard.

CHAP. XL. (Book 40)

Why Monks are the out-casts of the world? and wherefore some have bigger no∣ses then others? (Book 40)

BY the faith of a Christian (said Eude∣mon) I do wonderfully dote, and enter in a great extasie, when I consider the ho∣nesty and good fellowship of this Monk; for he makes us here all merry. How is it then that they exclude the Monks from all good companies? calling them feast-troublers, marrers of mirth, and disturbers of all civil conversation, as the bees drive away the drones from their hives; Ignavum fucos pe∣cus (said Maro) à praesepibus arcent. Here∣unto answered Gargantua, There is nothing so true, as that the frock and cowle draw unto it self the opprobries, injuries and ma∣ledictions of the world, just as the winde cal∣led Cecias attracts the clouds: the perem∣ptory reason is, because they eat the or∣dure and excrements of the world, that is

to say, the sins of the people, and like dung∣chewers and excrementitious eaters, they are cast into the privies and secessive places; that is, the Covents and Abbeys separated from Political conversation, as the jakes and retreats of a house are: but if you conceive how an Ape in a family is alwayes mocked, and provokingly incensed, you shall easily apprehend how Monks are shunned of all men, both young and old. The Ape keeps not the house as a dog doth: He drawes not in the plow as the oxe: He yields neither milk nor wooll as the sheep: He carrieth no burthen as a horse doth; that which he doth, is only to conskite, spoil and defile all, which is the cause wherefore he hath of all men mocks, frumperies and bastonadoes.

After the same manner a Monk (I mean those lither, idle, lazie Monks) doth not labour and work, as do the Peasant and Artificer: doth not ward and defend the countrey, as doth the man of warre: cureth not the sick and diseased, as the Physician doth: doth neither preach nor teach, as do the Evangeli∣cal Doctors and Schoolmasters: doth not import commodities and things necessary for the Common-wealth, as the Merchant doth: therefore is it, that by and of all men they are hooted at, hated and abhorred. Yea, but (said Grangousier,) they pray to God for us. Nothing lesse, (answered Gar∣gentua.)

True it is, that with a tingle tangle jangling of bells they trouble and disquiet all their neighbours about them: Right, (said the Monk,) a masse, a matine, a vespre well rung are half said. They mumble out great store of Legends and Psalmes, by them not at all understood: they say many pate∣notres, interlarded with ave-maries, without thinking upon, or apprehending the mean∣ing of what it is they say, which truly I call mocking of God, and not prayers. But so help them God, as they pray for us, and not for being afraid to lose their victuals, their manchots, and good fat pottage. All true Christians, of all estates and conditions, in all places and at all times send up their pray∣ers to God, and the Mediatour prayeth and intercedeth for them, and God is gra∣cious to them. Now such a one is our good Friar Ihon, therefore every man desireth to have him in his company, he is no bigot or hypocrite, he is not torne and divided be∣twixt reality and appearance, no wretch of a rugged and peevish disposition, but ho∣nest, jovial, resolute and a good fellow: he travels, he labours, he defends the oppressed, comforts the afflicted, helps the needie, and keeps the close of the Abbey: Nay (said the Monk) I do a great deal more then that; for whilest we are in dispatching our matines and anniversaries in the quire; I make with∣al

some crossebowe-strings, polish glasse-bottles and boults; I twist lines and weave purse-nets, wherein to catch coneys; I am never idle; but now hither come, some drink, some drink here, bring the fruit. These chestnuts are of the wood of Estrox, and with good new wine are able to make you a fine cracker and composer of bum∣sonnets. You are not as yet (it seems) well moistened in this house with the sweet wine and must, by G—I drink to all men freely, and at all Fords like a Proctor or Promoters horse. Friar Ihon, (said Gymnast) take away the snot that hangs at your nose. Ha, ha, (said the Monk,) am not I in dan∣ger of drowning, seeing I am in water even to the nose? No, no, quare? quia, though some water come out from thence, there never goes in any; for it is well antidoted with pot-proof-armour, and sirrup of the Vine-leaf.

O my friend, he that hath winter-boots made of such leather, may boldly fish for oysters, for they will never take water. What is the cause (said Gargantua) that Friar Ihon hath such a faire nose? Because (said Gran∣gousier) that God would have it so, who fra∣meth us in such forme, and for such end, as is most agreeable with his divine Will, even as a Potter fashioneth his vessels. Because (said Ponocrates) he came with the first to the

faire of noses, and therefore made choice of the fairest and the greatest. Pish, (said the Monk) that is not the reason of it, but, ac∣cording to the true Monastical Philosophy, it is because my Nurse had soft teats, by ver∣tue whereof, whilest she gave me suck, my nose did sink in as in so much butter. The hard breasts of Nurses make children short∣nosed. But hey gay, Ad formam nasi cog∣noscitur ad te levavi. I never eat any con∣fections, Page, whilest I am at the bibbery; Item, bring me rather some tosts.