The works of the famous Mr. Francis Rabelais, doctor in physick treating of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua and his son Pantagruel : to which is newly added the life of the author / written originally in French, and translated into English by Sr. Thomas Urchard.

CHAP. XXVII. (Book 27)

How Pantagruel set up one Trophee in me∣morial of their valour, and Panurge ano∣ther in remembrance of the hares: How Pantagruel likewise with his farts begat little men, and with his fisgs little women: and how Panurge broke a great staffe over two glasses. (Book 27)

BEfore we depart hence, (said Pantagruel) in remembrance of the exploit that you have now performed, I will in this place erect a faire Trophee: then every man a∣mongst them with great joy, and fine little Countrey-songs set up a huge big post, whereunto they hanged a great cuirasier saddle, the fronstal of a barbed horse, bridle-bosses, pullie-pieces for the knees, stirrup-leathers, spurres, stirrups, a coat of male, a corslet tempered with steel, a battel-axe, a

shrong, short and sharp horsemans sword, a gantle••, a horsemans mace, gushet-armour for the arme-pits, leg-harnesse, and a gorget, with all other furniture needful for the de∣corement of a triumphant arch, in signe of a Trophee. And then Pantagruel for an eter∣nal memorial, wrote this victorial Ditton, as followeth.

Here was the prowesse made apparent of Foure brave and valiant champions of proof, Who without any armes but wit, at once (Like Fabius, or the two Scipions) Burn't in a fire six hundred and threescore Crablice••, strong rogues ne're vanquished before. By this each King may learn, rock, pawn, and Knight, That slight is much more prevalent then might;

For victory (As all men see) Hangs on the Dittie Of that Committie, Where the great God Hath his abode:

Nor doth he it to strong and great men give, But to his elect, as we must beleeve; Therefore shall he obtain wealth and esteem, Who thorough faith doth put his trust in him.

Whilest Pantagruel was writing these fore∣said verses, Pa••urge halved and fixed upon a great stake the hornes of a roe-buck toge∣ther with the skin, and the right forefoot thereof, the eares of three levrets, the chine of a coney, the jawes of a hare, the wings of two bustards, the feet of foure queest-doves, a bottle or borracho full of vineger, a horne wherein to put salt, a wooden spit, a larding stick, a scurvie kettle full of holes, a dripping pan to make sauce in, an earthen salt-cellar, and a goblet of Beauvais. Then in imitation of Pantagruels verses and Tro∣phee, wrote that which followeth:

Here was it that foure jovial blades sate down To a profound carowsing, and to crown Their banquet with those wines, which please best great Bacchus, the Monarch of their drinking state: Then were the reines and furch of a young hare, With salt and vineger, displayed there, Of which to snatch a bit or two, at once They all fell on like hungry scorpions:

For th' Inventories Of Defensories Say that in heat We must drink neat

All out, and of The choicest stuffe;

But it is bad to eat of young hares flesh, Unlesse with vineger we it refresh: Receive this tenet then without controll, That vineger of that meat is the soul.

Then (said Pantagruel,) Come, my lads, let us be gone, we have stayed here too long a∣bout our victuals; for very seldom doth it fall out, that the greatest eaters do the most martial exploits, there is no shadow like that of flying colours, no smoke like that of hor∣ses, no clattering like that of armour: at this Epistemon began to smile, and said, There is no shadow like that of the kitchin, no smoke like that of pasties, and no clattering like that goblets: unto which answered Panurge, There is no shadow like that of courtaines, no smoke like that of womens breasts, and no clattering like that of ballocks: then forth∣with rising up he gave a fart, a leap, and a whistle, and most joyfully cried out aloud, E∣ver live Pantagruel: when Pantagruel saw that, he would have done as much; but with the fart that he let, the earth trembled nine leagues about, wherewith and with the cor∣rupted aire, he begot above three and fifty thousand little men, ill favoured dwarfes, and with one fisg that he let, he made as ma∣ny

little women, crouching down, as you shall see in divers places, which never grow but like Cowes tailes downwards, or like the Limosin radishes, round. How now (said Panurge) are your farts so fertile and fruitful? by G— here be brave farted men, and fisgued women, let them be married together, they will beget fine hornets and dorflies; so did Pantagruel, and called them Pygmies; those he sent to live in an island thereby, where since that time they are increased mightily: but the cranes make warre with them conti∣nually, against which they do most couragi∣ously defend themselves; for these little ends of men and dandiprats, (whom in Scot∣land they call whiphandles, and knots of a tarre-barrel) are commonly very teastie and cholerick: the Physical reason whereof is, because their heart is near their spleen.

At this same time, Panurge took two drinking glasses that were there, both of one bignesse, and filled them with water up to the brim, and set one of them upon one stool, and the other upon another, placing them a∣bout five foot from one another: then he took the staffe of a javelin, about five foot and a half long, and put it upon the two glas∣ses, so that the two ends of the staffe did come just to the brims of the glasses: This done, he took a great stake or billet of wood, and said to Pantagruel, and to the rest: My

Masters, behold, how easily we shall have the victory over our euemies; for just as I shall break this staffe here upon these glasses, without either breaking or crazing of them▪ nay, which is more, without spilling one drop of the water that is within them, even so shall we break the heads of our Dipsodes, without receiving any of us any wound or losse in our person or goods: but that you may not think there is any witchcraft in this; hold (said he to Eusthenes) strike upon the midst as hard as thou canst with this log: Eusthenes did so, and the staffe broke in two pieces, and not one drop of the water fell out of the glasses: Then said he, I know a great many such other tricks, let us now there∣fore march boldly, and with assurance.