The Queen, or, The excellency of her sex an excellent old play / found out by a person of honour, and given to the publisher, Alexander Goughe.

Act III. (Book 3)

Enter Alphonso, Almada, Muretto, Bufo, Pynto, and attendants.

Alph.

You have prevail'd, yet e're you came (my Lord) Muretto, here this right, right, honest man Confirm'd me throughly, now to witness further With what a gratitude I love the Queen. Reach me a bowle of wine.

Alm.

Your Majesty more honors me, in making me the Messenger of this most happy concord, then addition of great∣ness can express.

Muret.

I ever told you, How you would his Grace, inclin'd at last

Pyn.

The very Jove of benignity, by whose gentle aspect the whole sphere of this Court and Kingdom are (like the lesser orbes) moved round in the har∣mony of affability.

Enter one with wine.

Alph.

My Lord Almado, health unto your Mistris, A hearty health, a deep one.

Alm.

upon my knee My duty gladly answers

drinks.

Alph.

Give him wine. There's not a man whoever in our Court (Greater or meaner) but shall pledge this health, In honor of our Queen, our vertuous Queen. Commend us, and report us as you finde.

Alm.

Great Sir, I shall with joy.

Alph.

Bufo and Pynto, All in, and drink, drink deep, let none be spar'd, Comers or goers, none.

Buf.

Away my hearts.

Pyn.

Wee'll tickle it till the welkin

blussle again, and all the fixt Stars dance the old measures.

Muret.

I shall attend to wait upon your lordship to the Caraoch.

Exeunt.

Manet Alphonso.

Alph.

So, so, far reaching pollicy, I adore thee, Will hug thee as my dearling Shallow fools Dive not into the pitch of regular Sta∣tists. Henceforth my Stratagem's of scorn and hatred Shall kill in smiles. I will not strike and frown, But laugh and murther.

Enter Muretto.

Alph.

Welcom, are we safe?

Muret.

Most free from interruption: The Lord Velasco is newly entred the Court; I have given the watch word that they ply him mainly; the conclusion (I know cannot but break off in hurle∣burly.

Alph,

Good, good, I hate him mortal∣ly. 'Twas he Slaved me to th' hangmans ax: But now go on; Petruchi is the man, you say, must stand The Champion of her lust.

Muret.

There may be yet vertuous in∣tention even in bad actions, in lewd words, I urge no further then likely∣hoods may inform.

Alph.

Phew, that's thy nobleness: But now Muretto, The eye of luxury speaks loud in si∣lence.

Muret.

Why look ye, Sir, I must con∣fess I observ'd some odd amorous glan∣ces, some sweet familiar courteous toy∣ing smiles; a kinde of officious bold∣ness in him, Princelike and Queenlike allowance of that boldness in him again; sometimes I might warily overhear her whispers. But what of all this? There might be no harm meant.

Alph.

Fy, no, the grafting of my fore∣head, nothing else.

Grafting, grafting, Muretto, A most Gen∣tleman-like exercise; a very mystery be∣longs to't.

And now and then they walk thus, arm in arm, twist fingers: ha. Would they not Muretto?

Muret.

'Tis wondrous fit a great Queen should be supported, Sir; and for the best lady of 'em all, to discourse familiarly with her supporter, is court∣ly and passing innocent.

Alph.

She and Petruchi did so?

Muret.

And at her passing to her pri∣vate lodgings, attended onely with her lady in ordinary. Petruchi alone went in before her.

Alph.

Is't true! Went in before her! Canst prove that?

Muret.

Your Majesty is too quick, too apprehensive of the worst: I meant he perform'd the office of an Usher.

Alph.

Guilty apparently: Monstrous woman! Beast! Were these the fruits of her dissembling tears! Her puling, and her heart sighs. But, Muretto. I will be swift Muretto, swift and ter∣rible.

Muret.

I am such another Coxcomb; O my side too.

Yet faith, let me perswade ye; I hope your wife is vertuous.

Alph.

Vertuous? The Devil she is, 'tis most impossible. What kiss and toy, wink, prate, yet be vertuous?

Muret.

Why not Sir? I think now a woman may lie four or five nights toge∣ther with a man, and yet be chast; though that be very hard, yet so long as 'tis possible, such a thing may be.

Alph.

I have it, wee'll confer; let's stand aside.

Enter Bufo and another Groom with wine, both drunk; Bufo handing Velasco by the shoulders.

Buf.

Not drink more? By this hand you shall drink eleven whole healths, if your cap be wooll or beaver; and that's my resolution.

Gro.

'Sfoot, eleven score, without dishonor be it spoken to any mans per∣son out of this place.

Velas.

Prethee, I can no more, 'tis a profession I dare not practice, nay, I will not.

Buf.

How will not? Not her Queen∣ships health? Hark ye, thy sti•…•…king and unwholesom words— Will not—You will not—You say you will not?

Velas.

I say so, pray be answer'd.

Gro.

Pox of all flinchers; if a'say a will not, Let him chuse, like an arrant dry lord as he is.

Buf.

Give me the bowl, I must be va∣liant. You, Sirrah, man at arms; Here's a ca∣rouse To the King, the Queen, and my self.

Gro.

Let't come, I ll have that i'faith, Sweet, sweet, sweet, Captain.

Buf.

Hold, give the lord first, drink it up lord, do, ump.

Velas.

Away I say, I am not in the tune.

Buf.

Tune, tune? 'Sblood, d'ee take us for fiddlers, scrappers, rime canters by tune? By this light, I'll •…•…courge ye like a town top: Look ye, I am urg'd—Ump—And there's a side blow for ye, like a sober thing as ye are.

Gro.

well done i'faith, precious Cap∣tain.

Velas.

Dar'st thou do this to me know∣ing who I am?

Buf.

Yes, in the way of daring, I dare kick you thus, thus, Sir up and down. There's a jolt on the bum too: How d'ee like it?

Velas.

'Tis well! You use the privi∣ledge of the place. There was a time the best of all this Court Durst not have lift a hand against me then. But I must bear it now.

Alph.

Is not this strange Muretto?

Muret.

I can scantly credit mine own eyes: The Captain follows his instru∣ctions perfectly.

Buf.

Not drink? Mahound, In•…•…del. I will fillip thy nose, spit in thy face, Mungrel; brave, a Commander, •…•…a?

Velas.

O woman-woman-woman.

Buf.

That's a lie, a slark one, 'tis known I nere was a woman in my life. I am weary beating of him, and can stand no longer. Groom, kick him thou up and down in my behalf; or by this flesh I'll swi•…•…ge you, sirrah.

Gro.

Come aloft, Jackanapes: come aloft; sirrah.

kicks, beates him.

Alph.

Why sure Velasco dares not fight.

Muret.

It must be some or other hath bewitched him.

Enter Pynto.

Pyn.

Avant, I saw twelve dozen of Cuckolds in the middle region of the air, galloping on a black Jack, Eastward ho. It is certain that every dozen went for a company, and they are now be∣come a corporation. Aries and Taurus, the Bull and the Ram, two head signs, shall be henceforth their recognizances, set up in the grand hall of their politick convocations—whirr, whirr, there, there, just under the rainbow ambles Mercury, the thin bearded thief that stole away the Drappers wife, while the good man was made drunk at the Still∣yard, at a beaver of Dutch bread and Renish wine, and lay all night in pure holland in's stockings and shoes. P•…•…sh, Talke not to me, I will maintain against the Universities of both the Indies, that one Aldermans horse is more right wor∣shipful, then any six Constables, brown bills and all. Now, now, now, my brains burn in Sulphur, and thus will I stalk about; and swim through a whole Element of dainty, neat, brisk, rich claret, canary, or maligo. Am not I Pynto, have not I hiren here? What art thou, a full moon, or a moon calf?

Buf.

No, no, 'tis a dry Stock-fish, that must be beaten tender.

Velas.

Was ever man so much a slave as I?

Pyn.

Does Saturn wince? Down with him, let Charles his wayn run over his North pole; it shall be justified too.

Gro.

Now, Sir, having taken a little breath, have at ye once more, and I have done.

Enter Mopas and Lodovico.

Mop.

Clubs, clubs, I have been the death of two Brewers horses, and two catch-poles, my self, and now be try'd by two fools and ten knaves: O monstrous base, horrible; is my lord past recovery?

Velas.

Hold, prethee, fellow hold, I have no sword, Or if I had, I dare not strike again.

Buf.

U'ds bones, were ye an invinci∣ble Armado, Ide pound ye all like brown paper rags.

Lodov.

Let me be strucken blind! The shame of fate; Velasco, baffled, and not dare to strike! Dogs, drunken dogs, I'll whip ye to your kennels.

Velas.

Nay good, forbear.

Mop.

Bilbo come forth and shew thy foxes tayl. Nay, nay, give me liquor, and I'll fight like a rorer.

Pyn.

Keep standing ho; the Almanack says plainly 'tis no season to be let blood, the sign is mortal. Hold!

Alph.

Yes I command. Uncivil ill bred beasts. How dares ye turn our pallace to a booth? How dare the proudest of ye all lift up A hand against the meanest of those creatures Whom we do own for ours? Now, now you spit The ancient rancor of you bitter galls Wherewith you strove to wound us heretofore.

Lodov.

We are abus'd, My Lord.

Alph.

Fellow, Thou lyest. Our Royal eyes beheld the pride and malice Of thee Velasco; who in hate to us Deny'st to honour our remembrance, though But in a pledg'd health.

Velas.

Therein I was wrong'd.

Alph.

No, therein all thy cunning could not hide The rage of thy malitious heart to us; Yet know, for tryal of thy love we caus'd This onse•…•…, we will justifie the hight Of thy disgraces; what they did was ours. Hence Coward, baffled, kickt, despis'd and spurn'd.

Buf.

Hang thy self; a pox on thee.

Exit Alphonso, Muretto, Pynto, Bufo, Groom.

Lodov.

O y'are undon: What Devil, Hag, or Witch Hath stoln your heart away?

Velas.

I cannot tell.

Lodov.

Not fight 'tis enough to shame us all.

Velas.

Happy was I, that living liv'd alone, Velasco was a man then, now is none.

Exeunt.

Mop.

Is't even so, no man now; then I smell how things stand: I'll lay my life, his lady sweet heart hath given him the Gleek, and he in return hath gelded himself, and so both lost his courage and his wits together.

Exit.

Enter Queen, Almado, Collumello, Petruchi and Herophil.

Qu.

Speak o're the words again; and good my lord Be sure you speak the same, the very words; Our Queen, our vetuous Queen; Was't so?

Alm.

Just so; And was withal in carriage so most kinde, So Princely, that I must do wrong to gratitude, In wanting action to express his love.

Qu.

I am the happiest she that lives. Petruchi, Was I mistook or no? Why good my lords, Observe it well. There is a holy league Confirm'd and ratify'd 'twixt Love and Fate. This sacred Matrimonial tye of hearts, Call'd marriage, has Divinity within't. Prethee, Almado, tell me, smil'd the King When he commended to me?

Alm.

Madam, yes; And affably concluded all in this; Commend us, and report us as you find.

Qu.

For loves sakes, no man prattle of distrust.

It shall be treason whosoever says The King's unkinde. My thinks I am all air, My soul has wings.

Petr.

And we are all o'rejoy'd In this sweet reconciliation.

Qu.

Wee'll visit him (my Lords) in some rich mask Of rare device, as thus; Pish, now I think on't, The world yeelds not variety enough Of cost, that's worthy of his Royal eyes, Why Herophil?

Her.

Here, Madam.

Qu.

Now beshrew me But I could weep for anger—If 'twere possible To get a chariot cut out of a rock, Made all of one whole Diamond, drawn all on Pavements Of pearls and amber, by four Ivory steeds Of perfect Christal; this were worth presenting. Or some bright cloud of Saphirs—Fy you are all So dull, you do not love me.

Col.

Y'are transported To strange impossibilities: our service Shall wait upon your happiness.

Qu.

Nay, nay, I know you laugh at me, and well you may; I talk I know not what. I would 'twere fit To ask one queston of ye.

All.

Madam, any thing.

Qu.

You'l swear that I am Idle, yet you know 'Tis not my custom; Look upon me well; Am I as fair as Herophil?

Petr.

Yes, Madam, Or any other creature else alive.

Qu.

You make me blush in troth. O would the King Could see me with your eyes. Or would I were Much courser then I am to all the world; So I might onely seem more fair to him.

Enter Velasco and Lodovico.

See here come more. Velasco, thou art welcom. Welcom kinde Lodovico. You I know Bring fresh supplies of comfort; do not cloud Your news with circumstance: Say, doth the King Expect me? Yes, good man, I know he does. Speak briefly, good my Lord, and truly.

Velas.

Madam, Take all at once, he is the King; And Kings may do their pleasures.

Qu.

True, Velasco. But I have from my heart forgot remem∣brance Of former passages, the world is chang'd: Is a'not justly royal?

Lodov.

Would a'were, I wish it for your sake Madam, but my wishes and his inclinations are quite opposite.

Petr.

What said you, Lodovico?

Lodov.

Thus Petruchi. Velasco hath been by the King disgrac'd, by his mini∣ons abused, baffled, they justified by the King in't. In a word; Alphonso is, and will be the scourge of Arragon.

Qu.

I'll stop my ears, they shannot let in poyson, Rank treacherous searching poyson.

Alm.

'Tis impossible.

Qu.

Yes, 'tis impossible; but now I see Y'are all agreed to curse me in the hight Of my prosperities. O that at once I could have leave to dye and shun the times.

Enter Muretto.

Muret.

His excellent Majesty by me commends to your Royal hands this let∣ter, Madam.

Qu.

Why thus I kiss, And kiss again; Welcom, what e're it speaks.

Muret.

That you may all conceive (my Lords) the Kings hearty zeal to u∣nity and goodness, he by me intreates your attendance on the Queen to him: To you Signior, Petruchi, he sends this Diamond from his own finger.

Petr.

You strike me into wonder.

Muret.

I should excuse his highness

violence to you, my lord Velasco; but he says, that your own indiscre∣tion deserv'd your late reproof: And futher, (pardon me that I mince not the sum of his injunction) he says your cowardice is now so vulgarly palpable, that it cannot stand with his honour to countenance so degenerating a spirit.

Velas.

I thank him; yet, if you re∣member well; Both he and you prov'd me another man.

Qu.

The sweetest letter that ever was writ: Come we must to the King—How! 'Tis my ring, The first ring that I ever gave the King. Petruchi, I must have it.

Petr.

'Twas the King sent it: I mean to yeeld it back again.

Qu.

No I will. And in exchange take that of equal value: But not with me, 'cause it comes from my husband. Let's slack no time, this day shall crown our peace.

Exit all but Velasco and Lodovico.

Lodov.

You see my Lord how the world goes. What your next course?

Velas.

Would I could leave my self, I am unfit For company of men: Art thou my friend?

Lodov.

I cannot tell what I am, your patient humor indeed perswades me I am nothing.

Ladies little puppy dogs shortly will break your shins with milke-sops, and you dare not cry, come out cur. Faith tell me for our wonted frindships sake; hath not this Madam sweet heart of yours a share in your Meramorphosis?

Velas.

You are unkinde, as much as in a thought, To wrong her vertue. Lodovico, no; I have resolv'd never to fight again.

Lodov.

'Tis a very safe resolution: but have you resolv'd never to be beaten again?

Velas.

That goodly sound of gallant valiant man Is but a breath, and dyes as soon as utter'd. I'll seek my fame henceforward in the praise Of sufferance and patience, for rash man-hood Adds onely life to cruelty, yet by cru∣elty Takes life away, and leaves upon our souls Nothing but guilt, while patience if it be Settl'd, doth even in bondage keep us free.

Lodov.

Excellent morality; but good my Lord, without more circumstance, the cause, let me know the ground and cause on't.

Velas.

My will, or if you please my cowardice, More ask not, more, I vow, you shall not know.

Enter Mopas.

Mop.

O Fy, fy, I were better be the Hangmans deputy, then my Lord Ve∣lasco's Gentleman usher; all the streets as I pass whoot at me, and ask me if I be so valiant as my master the coward; they swear their children carry woodden daggers to play a prize with him, and there's no talk but of the arrant coward Velasco.

Velas.

I care not, let 'em talk.

Mop.

Care not? By these hilts, I had rather then a hundred ducates, I had but as much spirit: as to have drawn upon a couple of men in Ginger-bread, which a hucsters crook't legged whor∣son ape held up, and swore they were two taller fellows then you are.

Lodov.

Your readiest way were to get you into a cloyster; for there's no going to Court:

Mop:

Yes, to have our brains rubb'd out with the heel of a brown man∣chet.

Velas.

As, y'are my friend forbear to come more neer me.

Exit Velasco.

Lodov.

Gone so quickly? Mopas I'll finde out this mystery, and thou shalt be the instrument.

Mop.

Shall I? Why agre•…•…d, let me

alone for an instrument, be it a winde or string'd instrument, I'll sound at one end or other I'll warrant ye.

Exeunt.

Enter Alphonso, Pynto, Bufo.

Alph.

Are all things ready as we gave charge?

Pyn.

Yes all, and the face of the hea∣vens are passing favourable.

Alph.

Bufo, Be it thy care, the watch word given,

To seize Petruchi suddenly.

Buf.

If the Devil be not in him, I'll make him fast enough.

Alph.

Mean time wee'll take our place, they are at hand. Some sound our choisest musick t'enter∣tain This Queen with all the seeming forms of State.

Loud Musick.

Enter Queen supported by Petruchi, Herophil, Collumello, Almada, and Muretto.

All.

All joy to Aragons great King.

Alph.

You strive to act in words (my lords) but we our self Indeavor rather how to speak in act. Now is a time of peace of amity. The Queen is present; Lady, seat you here, As neer, as if we plac'd you in our heart, Where you are deep inthron'd.

Qu.

As you in mine, So may I ever live in yours, my Lord.

Alph.

How so? You are too charita∣ble now, That cover but equality in love; A cold, a frozen love; for I must think The streams of your affections are dry'd up, Or running from their wonted chan∣nels, range In lawless paths of secresie and stealth; Which makes us love you more.

Qu.

I would your words Dissented not from your resolved thoughts For then (if I mistake not) you would feel Extremity of passion, which indeed Is noble jealousie.

Alph.

Are you so plain? I thank you Madam; lend me your fair hand, What's here? O my presages! Whence got you this ring?

Qu.

This ring, my lord?

Alph.

This ring, my lord! By honours reverend crest 'tis time to wake. Art thou not pale, Petruchi?

Petr.

Gratious, Sir. This is the ring you sent me by Muretto, Which 'cause it came from you, the Queen would needs Exchange it for another of her own.

Alph.

True, 'cause it came from me, I take it so, And grant ye, know the word. 'Tis won and lost.

Enter a Guard, Bufo with them seize Petruchi; Pynto the Queen.

Petr.

What mean ye, Helhounds? Slaves, let go my sword.

Buf.

Keep in your chaps, and leave scolding, my small friend, 'tis now no time to wrangle or to rore.

Qu.

Nay, nay, with what you please I am content.

Col.

What means your Highness?

Alm.

wronge not Majesty With such unnoble rigour.

Alph.

O, my lords, The weight of all this shame falls hea∣viest here In my afflicted bosome. Madman like I would not credit, what mine ears had heard, From time to time of that adulterous woman. For this have I liy'd widowed from her bed, Was deaf to proofs, to oaths, and ever thought That whoredom could not suit her self so trimly On vertues outside. But Petruchi there Hath a loud speaking conscience, can proclaim Her lust, and my dishonour

Petr.

Grant me hearing.

Alph.

Away with him to prison, make him fast On pain of all your lives.

Buf.

Come, Sir, there is no playing fast and loose, which fit a ducat now.

Exit Bufo with Petruchi.

Col.

But what now for the Queen?

Alph.

As she deserves.

Alm.

Our law requires a clear and open proof, And a juditial trial.

Alph.

Yes to subjects It does, but who among you dares speak justice Against your natural Soveraign? Not one.

Pyn.

Your Majesty hath most wisely considered that point.

Muret.

I have stood silent all this while, and cannot but with astonish∣ment and unutterable grief bear a share of sadness in these disasters. But, Madam, be not altogether dejected on your part: there is more mercy in this soveraign Prince, then that you should any way distrust.

Qu.

Nay, even proceed and question me no more.

Alph.

I will be gentle to you, and the course That I will take shall merit your best thanks. If in a moneth a Champion shall appear, In single opposition to maintain Your honor; I will be the man my self In person to avouch this accusation: And which of us prevails, shall end this strife. But if none come, then you shall lose your head. Mean time your usage shall be like a Queen.

Muret.

Now by the life of honour, 'tis a most Princely tryal, and will be worth you eternal memory.

Qu.

Where must I then be led!

Alph.

No where but here In our own palace; and as I am King, None worse then I shall be her Guar∣dian.

Alm.

Madam, Heaven is the Guardian of the just; You cannot miss a Champion.

Qu.

E're I go, May I entreat a word?

Alph.

O yes, you may.

Qu.

Collumello and Almado, hear me, I speak to you, and to your felow Peers, Remember both by oaths and by alle∣giance You are my subjects.

Both.

Madam, true, we are.

Qu.

Then as you ever bore respect or truth To me as to your Soveraign, I conjure ye Never to levy arms against the King, Singly or openly, and never else To justifie my right or wronge in this. For if you do, here I proclaim ye all Traytors to loyalty and me: for surety, I crave your oaths a new.

Both.

Since you enforce us, We sware: and heaven protect you.

Qu.

Let me be gone.

Alph.

Well as they please for that: Muretto, follow.

Exit all but Almada and Collummello.

Alm.

Here is fine work, my lord. What's to be done?

Col.

Stand still while this proud Ty∣rant cuts our throats.

Alm.

She's wrong'd, and this is one∣ly but a plot. Velasco, now might binde his Country to him; But he is grown so cowardly and base, That boys and children beat him as they list.

Col.

I have be thought me, we, with th' other Peers, Will set a proclamation our, assuring What worthy Knight soever undertakes, By such a day, as Champion for the Queen. Shall have a hundred thousand ducats paid, Withal, what honors else he shall de∣mand.

Alm.

This must be speeded, or 'twill come to late.

Col.

It shall be suddain: Here our hope must stand; Kings command Subjects; Heav'n doth Kings command.

Exeunt.