The hectors, or, The false challenge a comedy written in the year MDCLV, the scene, London.

ACT V. (Book 5)

SCENE I.

Enter Welbred, and Crisis, Welbred his arm in a Scarf.

Welb.

—BUt surely you were not alwayes of this mind.

Cris.

I needs must say, I was not; for it is not long since I did look on you, as one with whom rather by the Decree of Heaven, then my own desires, I was ordained to live as wife. Al∣though (I must confesse) I never saw any thing so unpleasing in you, but that (if such a thing had been) I could have afforded you whate∣ver love and duty you could have expected from one of that relation; yet this is more then I am sure you could promise to your self from any thing I ever shewed to you; But the various accidents of this day hath so fully represented to me a man with whom my soul would more a∣gree, that in him I am resolved to rest as to these kind of thoughts.

Wel.

Nay, Lady, if you be in earnest, e'en as you please; for I would this wound would but admit as easie cure as any you have given me. And I cannot tell what out of the height of Courtship I may have said, but I believe you do not think I was born to dy of love.

Yet I know not, for the story that you have told me of your Cozen, hath raised some kind of thoughts in me that I never had before. And if this that she hath done be out of love to me (as it cannot but deserve, so) it must needs cause in me an answerable affecti∣on.

Cris.

Well, Sir, the Gentleman is by this time before the Justice; it is more then time that I went and enformed them of the truth.—

But I had almost forgot: Here is a ring Sir, you gave me to day, which I desire you would take back.

Wel.

Excuse me, Lady,— It is not of that value.

Cris.

Believe me, Sir, I will not keep it.

Wel.

Well, then I will tel you what you shall do; e'en present it to your Cozen in my name as an earnest of my love.— I hope it will not be long, before I may be in that condition, as to wait upon her my self, for I do feel my self much amended now my wound is stop∣ped, my illnesse only proceeding from some loss of blood.

Cris.

Well, Sir, I wish you a speedy recovery.

Wel.

Nay, Lady, I may wait upon you to the door.

Exeunt.

SCENE II.

Enter Hadland, Slur, and Caster.

Had.

Come, here they are, what will you do?

Slur.

Let's see.—

Faith, all our old devices, false cubed Dice with Quicksilver, the box∣es with springs, besides all the other Arts of the hand, are grown as common as the Juglers box.

Cast.

They are only fitting to cozen Prentices of their Christmasse Box-money.

Had.

What say you to that which I told you of the other day?

Slur.

The business with the Loadstone?

Cast.

That I believe is not very common, nor is it easie to be disco∣vered; but you know we are not now provided for that.

Had.

Then you must e'en see what you can do with your old Tricks.

Slur.

These Lads I am afraid will go nigh for to discover them.

Had.

No I'll warrant you, they are drunk up unto a handsome pin.— Besides, let the worst come to the worst, I wil be here hard by.—

Exeunt Slur and Caster.

Enter La gul.

Had.

Mr. La gul! Your servant; I am glad to hear of your good successe. They say, you have gained a great deal of Honour to day.

La.

—Take your Honour for me; I am not now for Honour, but for fighting.

And first I will begin with you, as the principal man that has abused me.

Had.

This is brave, I vow,—

What is the matter with him?—

Is your name La-gul?

La.

Yes, I am the self same man, only I do a little better under∣stand my self, what an Asse you have made me all this while. And to be short, I here demand of you satisfaction, you being the only man that either dares, or is worthy to give it.—

Come draw, for I am resolved.

Had.

As I live, I like your resolution howsoever.

Enter two Gentlemen beating Slur and Caster.

Slur.

Hadland, Hadland, help, help.

Had.

Why how now, Sirs, what is the matter?

1.

They are Cheats, arrant Cheats.

2.

Cheats,— Cheats, they have cozen'd us of almost 100 l. but at the last we caught them.

1.

Rogues, Cheats, give me my money, or I will beat out your braines.

La.

Come let them alone since they have made a couple of fools of you, do not you make your selvs more by keeping such a doings.— 'Slid they have cozened me of at the least 300 l. within this fortnight, and yet you hear me say never a word.

1.

Fools of us, do you say!

La.

I, most notorious fools and coxcombs; nothing more plain, for thus I will prove it: You came in with money in your purses, but this money you have lost, and are like to go away without it, therefore you are fools.

H••d.

I deny your Minor, for I say, they have not lost it, but have plaid with Cheats, and have been cozen'd of it, therefore they are not fools.

La.

'Tis true, they have plaid with Cheats, and have been cozened, but therefore they are fools.

1.

Shall we endure this?

Had.

But they did not know them to be Cheats, and therefore they are not fools.

La.

'Tis true, they did not know them to be Cheats; but therefore they are fools.

What say you? are you not Gentlemen?

2.

Shall we lose our money and be abused too? you uncivil, rude fellow.

They draw upon La-gul.

La.

Nay, if you be thereabouts, here is an Argument to prove you fools that you have not seen. And this shall make you con∣fesse.

Drawes.

Had.

Nay Gentlemen, two to one is too much, there shall be no unequal doings.

He drawes, they fight, and disarme the two Gentlemen, in the mean while Slur and Caster run away.

La.

This act hath reconciled me to thee; 'twas bravely done, I vow, and like thy selfe; for whatsoever courses you have run of late, I have not long since heard much of your worth and value.

Had.

The truth of it is, I have done some things, more for to satisfie my wants, then through my own desires. And I am now grown so weary of this kind of life, that I could wish any other em∣ployment, though never so mean, that would but maintain me but as a Gentleman.

La.

I'll tell you what, I think I shall now shortly marry, and set∣tle my self in the Country; if you will come and live with me, and bear me company, I will continue what I give you, and more will adde (if you do desire) and whatsoever is past, I will forget, and never think of, except it be over a bottle of Sack when we have a mind to be merry.

Had.

Your offer is noble, and if a designe that I have in hand, do chance to fail, may possibly be opportune. However, as it cannot but much engage me, so I shall endeavour to shew how sensible I am of this your Civility. Nor—

La.

Hold, for I am now grown quite out of conceit with Com∣plements; if you will come, I will assure you, you shall be wel∣come.—

And as for you, my brace of Asses, now I hope you are not so furious but that one may in sober sadnesse prove you a couple of fooles for venturing of your money upon uncertain chance.

Had.

I hope not so.

La.

Yes, but I will, and because they shall not take it ill, I will assure you it is no more then what a sober Gentleman proved me for the selfe-same cause not above halfe an hour since.

Had.

That (Sir) in my mind, if you be in earnest, is somewhat strange; for although that the chance of dice is certain in it self, and doth (as all other things of chance) depend on sure and natural cau∣ses; yet these causes either being unknown to us, or else not in our power, their effects must needs to us, before they come to pass, be also unknown; and from this ignorance, if thereby we are concerned, must needs arise a certain strife and Altercation of hopes and fears, which with no little pleasure doth affect the soul.

Now Sir, all pleasures by providence being created for our better be∣ing, may rationally enough be (if but discreetly) used.

From hence it followes, that one may not only play at D••ce, but also venture so much upon their chance, whereby these passions may arise.

La.

'Tis true, Sir, if one venture no more; but to venture so much, as that the losse thereof may m••ke any considerable alteration in ones fortune, cannot but be (as he said) the height of folly.

Had.

Why so, Sir▪ For have I not as probable and rational hopes for to improve, as to impaire the same, Chance in reason being supposed impartial unto none?

La.

But, Sir, then said he, ones estate and fortune, being the principal thing that makes one to be valued in the world, I cannot certainly more rationally imply the force and vigour of my wit, then about that.

Now (Sir) in a thing that so much concernes me, wholly to balk whatsoever benefit my judgmen•• might afford, and put my self into such a way, where the starkest ••ool has as much advantage as I, and more too, if the Proverb be t••u•• must needs, in any sober mans opinion render me a fool.—

Had.

Well, Gentlemen, I can no longer help you, but that I see there is a necessity you will be concluded fools.

La.

Well then my couple of fools, adieu, and here also I do take my leave of whatsoever folly I have been guilty of.—

Stay, there was a pair of Knaves too, that I should have bid God bu'y; but 'tis no matter, I shall see them again when I next come to Town;

For as long as London City doth endure,

In it a knave, as well as fool, to find you shall be sure.

Had.

That (Sir) is no marvel; for fools and knaves are the two main springs on which not only that, but all the world doth move; he that would have none of these, encounters providence, and would overturne the policy of the world: were all things of one temper, the Universe would not subsist one minute: were all men wise, the world would be at a stand, whilst each do prove unmalleable unto others designes.

Fooles and Knaves are the two Poles on which the wheels of For∣tune turne: 'Tis these make Riches, Honour, with a health∣ful

course to ebb and flow through all the world, which else would rot and putrifie in some particular names and families.

La.

But I shall be staid for, for I have appointed to meet at a cer∣tain place.

Had.

Your servant

Exeunt severall waies.

SCENE III.

Enter Iustice and Pate

Iust.

Come my Chuck, now thou art mine, and whatsoever is in this house is thine.

Pat.

But when my brother knowes this, he will never endure me for serving him so.

Iust.

'Tis no matter, so long as thou hast my love.

Pat.

I Sir, if I were assured of that, I would despise all the world be∣sides; but I doubt I have too much cause to fear, that it is my Wealth you have married, and not me.

Iust.

But you shall have no such cause, I'l warrant you.—

O my dear Honey, I could wish that thou wert worth never a groat, that thou mightst see how I love thee.

Enter Goosquil.

Goos.

Sir, there is the Constable without, he hath brought a Gen∣tleman.

Iust.

What? Cannot he let me be quiet on my Wedding-day.

Exit Pate

Enter Constable, &c. Know-well.

Iust.

Come Mr. Constable, what is the matter?

Con.

Why, Sir, an't please your Worship, I have reprehended a man upon suspicion of murder.

Iust.

Of murther! God forbid man, I hope not so.

Con.

Look you (Sir) I do but charge him of suspicion of murther, I do not lay flat murther to his hands:— I'll warrant you I know what I do.

Iust.

Well, but how stands the case? What witnesse have you of it?

1.

If it please your Honourable Worship, that which I have to say a∣gainst this Gentleman under correction, in brevity is only this.

2.

Nay, an't like your Worship, I saw the first beginning, therefore, I hope you will give me leave to speak first.

Iust.

Come on then friend, you look like an honest fellow; what are you?

2.

An't like your Worship, I am by Trade a Black-Smith. I was a Prentice in Fetter-lane, and have beene a man for my self ever since the last great Sicknesse, which is some thirty years agoe, I think, for I am sure our Ned was born the year after, and hee is nine and twenty now this next long Vaca∣tion.

Iust.

Well, but what can you say to the businesse?

2.

Why, an't like your Worship, I this Afternoon, after I had bid my wife lay down the shoulder of Mutton▪ that (an't like your Worship) I bought in the morning, I went out into the fields (an't like your Worship) to take a turne or two to get me a stomack.—

But I had almost forgot one main thing, for as I was going, I met with an old companion of mine, one Will. Freeman by name.— An't like your Worship, I tell you no lye, for as they say, Tell the truth and shame the Divel.

Iust.

Well, but what then, friend?

2.

Why, An't like your Worship, honest Will said I, it was a merry old world when you and I were Prentices together in Fetter∣lane. And upon that, (an't like your Worship) he would needs have me go spend my two pence with him.

Iust.

Well, but come to the point, what do you know concerning this Gentleman?

2.

Nay, by your Worships favour, I am bound to speak the truth, and the whole truth.— But stay, where was I?

1.

Your friend and you were a going to drink, you said.

2.

O I, and then (an't like your Worship) we went to the Ca•• and Fiddle, and when we had drunk our flaggon•• a piece, and we were just a coming away, in came a neighbour of mine,—stay,—I shal hit on his name presently.

Iust.

Well, 'tis no matter for his name,—but what of him?

2.

An't like your Worship, he would needs make us stay the drink∣ing of his flaggon too; and by that time that was done, an't like your Worship, I began to think the shoulder of Mutton might be over∣roasted, and therefore I made as much haste home as I could; and as I was coming along by the wall, imagining no hurt, nor thinking of no harm, O I saw the saddest and lamentable sight.—

Iust.

What was that?

2.

I never saw so much all the dayes of my life.

Iust.

But what was it?

2.

And I hope I shall never see the like again.

Iust.

Nay, what was it?

2.

Why, An't like your Worship, I saw a proper, goodly young Gentleman, as one shall see in a year and a day, lye in the most yearnful

condition, all in gore bloud, that it would have grieved any heart to have seen the like; and then this same young man came.—

Iust.

And what can you say friend? I think I have seen you som••∣where; is not Mr. Du-cape the Mercer your Master?

••

If it please your honourable worship, I am resident with Mr. Du-cape upon the account of a Journeyman.

Iust.

Cry mercy, but what say you?

1.

Why, if it please your honourable worship, as I was going a long upon a very civil account, to carry a piece of Satin to a person of Honour, in the Peazza, in Lincolnes Inne fields, just under the wall, I chanc't to cast my eyes and view the aforesaid Gent. whose name is Mr. Well-bred, in the self same condition as this man has before specified and declared, and I upon that account dee∣ming him to be dead, did debate with my selfe upon what ac∣count the said Man-slaughter should happen; but I approaching neer∣er, did descry him to be one that had been a customer to my Master, and I upon that account knowing his lodging, did desire this same man that upon that account he would be instrumentall in conveying him thither. And when upon that account we be∣gan to stirre him, his wound upon that account began to bleed with a most extreme violence, in so much that I seeing his hand∣kerchiefe, hang out of his pocket, did upon that account judge it requisite to pull it out, to helpe stop his wound; and pulling it out, I chanced upon that account to pull out a letter, which this man desiring me to read —

2.

You may see that some are wiser then some.

1.

— Upon that account I read it, and finding it to bee a challenge, upon that account did I estimate this Gentleman to have fought a duel.

Iust.

Where is the letter?

1.

Here, if it please your honourable Worship.

Iust.

Read it Goos-quill.

Goos-quill reades. — Sir, I cannot but as I am a Gen∣leman take notice of the affront you put on mee, in pretending to Mistris Crisis, to whom none living doth owe more service then my selfe; wherefore I desire that you would hence-forward desist, or else meet mee at the back side of Islington, with your friend and a Rapier, where I shall in the same manner attend you, about five of the clock. In the mean while, I rest,

Your humble Servant Thomas Know-well.

Iust.

will these bloody and inhumane duells never be left off? shall wee never but be thus barbarous one to another? as

if we were not men, but Butchers, Turks or Tartars.

What say you Sir, are not you the man that kill'd him? do you not know that blood requires blood?

Know.

Surely Sir there is some great mistake, for my part I have not seen the Gentleman this day.

Iust.

It will be well if that will serve your turn; I think the matter cannot be more cleere; Come Goos-quill make a Mittimus presently.

Know.

Sir, If you please, I shall produce some, in whose company I have been all this afternoone.

Enter Crisis.

Cris.

Hold, hold, I beseech you Sir, let him stay a little.

Iust.

Mrs. Crisis! how doth your father, my very good neigh∣bour?

Cris.

Very well Sir, he will be here shortly.

Iust.

But what is the matter, can you say any thing in this busi∣nesse?

Cris.

Sir, only this, the Gentleman that Mr. Know-well here is sup∣sed to have killed, is not dead.

Iust.

How! not dead?

Cris.

No Sir, He was only through much loss of blood, fainted away for a time; but now Sir, he is very well again, neither did hee give him the wound that he has, but he saith he had it in a quarrell that hapned between him, and some that he met in the fields.

Iust.

That is strange.

Cris.

Sir, If you will have but a little patience, there will be some here immediately that will cleer all things to you.

Iust.

Well then, stay a little.

People, 1.

What, must he not be hanged then?

2.

I'le warrant that Gentlewoman has beg'd him.

1.

Shee must be a pure virgin if shee have.

3.

They say he has bought his life for a thousand pounds, and then he to have a lease of it for fourscore years.

1.

There is a fine device indeed; this it is to be a Gentleman, I'le warrant one of us should have been hanged without more adoe.

Con.

Bear back there. —

Cris.

But Mr. Quorum, I hear you have stoln a wedding to day.

Iust.

Such things will be sometimes; Shee was a fortune meerly cast upon me.

Cris.

But shall not I have the happinesse to see your Bride in the mean time?

Iust.

Yes that you shall.

Goos-quill, go and desire your Mistris to come in.

Exit Goos-quill, and Enters presently with her and Had.

Had.

Speak but one word, you rogue, and I will cut your throat.

Know-well and Crisis salute her.

1.

Witnesse. Surely I should know her.

I, that is she without doubt.

Looks on her.

Pate

Nay, 'Tis I.

Iust.

Do you know my wife?

1.

I have a little reason, for I am sure she ows my Master almost 〈◊〉〈◊〉 pound.

Iust.

50 pound! that is nothing; — but I hope thou dost not owe many such debts, Chuck.

Pate.

Why, what if I do?

Iust.

Nay, nothing, but I hope not so. —

Pate.

What, am I examined already?

Iust.

Be not angry Love, — for I know thou hast wherewithall to pay them.

Pate.

Have I so? Were I disposed, how could I laugh to see how thou art cozend!

Iust.

Ha! Cozend!

Pate.

I cozen'd, thou old doting fool: could you ever imagine any thing else?

Know.

Hey da!

Iust.

Nay, but Honey, what do you mean? you are not in earnest, are you?

Pate.

In earnest? Do you think I am not? could you ever be so mad, as to think that I in my heat and strength of yeers could ever do••e on thy dull frosty carcasse?

Iust.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Pate.

Do you think that I would mix my blood with thy cold flegmatick, gou••y humours, had it not been to raise my sinking fortune, ••nd to keep me from those extremities of poverty, that did daily threaten me?

Iust.

Oh I am undone, I am undone, undone.

Pate.

And yet had my condition beene ten times worse, were I to be ty'd only to thy bed, I should repent the change.

Know.

A brave Girle I vow.

Pate.

For I already do begin to feel those warme desires that thou this many a year never hast been able to satisfie.

Cris.

Come, Master Know-well, let us goe into the next roome, she will make me blush' else. —

Know. and Cris. Exeunt. As they are a going.

Pate.

What, are you going Sir, I hope now you know the house, I shall see you here sometimes, our yeers indeed would somewhat suit, and what ever we should chance to do, here is one must father all.

Cris.

O impudence!

Iust.

O patience, patience, patience, I shall run mad else, mad, mad, mad.

Had.

Now Sir, my revenge is perfect; do you not know mee?

Puts off his Perriwig.

Iust.

Mr. Had-land!

Had.

I, Do you not remember how some seven years ago you took the forfeiture of my Lands that were mortgaged to you, and ever since have unjustly kept me from them?

Iust.

O, I do remember, and confess this is a judgment, a Judgment.

Had.

I'le warrant her she is a judgment worse then either fam•••• sword or the pestilence, or I am deceived.

Enter Slur.

Slur.

You have wrong'd me, for I say mine was the first turn.

Pate.

Peace.

Slur.

Peace, you whore! I will not hold my peace.

Pate.

What, shall I be called whore in mine own house? out you roq•••• Mr. Constable, I charge you to turn him out.

S••ur.

Hee turn me out!—stir but one inch you rogue, and you stir your last.

Drawes.

And now I say, you are a whore, and a most damn'd whore.

And Sir, nothing so much grieves me, as that I have been the cause of helping you to this same strumpet.

Iust.

O Sir, what is shee? what is shee? let me know the worst, for I am prepared.

Slur.

That which I know of her, Sir, is this; I was first acquain∣ted with her in the army, where I will assure you she was accounted a very necessary piece of ammunition, in some five nights, I think, shee would serve all our troop; since (Sir) shee has liv'd about the towne, no small sinner, shee has been as common as a Hackny Coach, and much about the same price, two shillings the first hour, and one shilling an hour after, as long as you will: shee is as prostituted as some moderne Workes, only they are spread upon the stalls in the day, and shee in the night.

Hold her.—

And Sir, if the knowledg of men be the chiefest wisdome, believe she is not unwise, for in them she is not a little experienced;shee will tell you (I believe) the difference betwixt the melancholy, and the sanguine, the fair, or the black haired youth: shee could perhaps from her own knowledg, mend the observations of Culpepper, or Aristotles problems, tell who doth afford most pleasure▪ the hot Italian, or the tough Germain, the nimble French-man, or the grave Spaniard.

Pate.

Why, you villain you, if through the frailty of my youth I have committed any of these kind of things, must every rogue tell me of it?

Slur.

On I go for all this — And Sir, about a yeer ago in this ser∣vice, shee got a certain mischance, that you may guesse, insomuch, that what with her expences to the Surgeon and Apothecaries, together with the intermitting of her trade, shee was reduced to much poverty, and had incurred many debts.

Iust.

Debts!

Sl.

I, debts of all sorts, from her Mercer to her Milk-maid, all which have been some while forborne through the expectation of your paying them.

Iust.

Oh, oh, oh, what shall I do? here Goos-quill, take my knife, I don't know what I may do else.

Sl.

Believe me (Sir) you will have a very charitable imployment of it, you will pay many a pound that for a long while hath beene ac∣counted desperate; but for you (Sir) many a poor man might have beene undone.

Pate.

This (Sir) wil be almost as good as founding Colledges, or building Churches.

Had.

And although you build no Hospitals, yet she may chance to find you imployment for Surgeons.

Pate.

You may in time to come, repair and make bridges for your nose.

Iust.

O thou damn'd perfidious whore.

Sl.

O Sir, she is perfidious indeed, if you know how shee has served mee.

Iust.

O How, how, how? let me hear, it will be some comfort to me to know any body else that has been cozend by her besides myself.

Sl.

Why (Sir) this Gentleman and I, (although for my part I must confesse, I do repent of what I have done) did much assist her in the accomplishing of this her design on you, for which in gratitude to us, and also in respect of your years, shee did agree, that we two should have a certaine kind of imployment (Sir) an ancient Roman office called Adju∣tores thori, conjunctim & divisim, execute per vices, or by turnes; And (Sir) by the bargain I was to have the first turn; but shee (Sir) not minding the premises, fraudulently and maliciously, against all equity, justice, and good conscience, and against the true intent and meaning of the parties, hath let this Gentleman —

Goos.

I that she has, I'me sure; when you sent me for her, I caught them both upon the bed.

Iust.

Oh, oh, I shall never be able to endure: O give me my knife again, O give me it, I say.

Sl.

You had best, and be accessary to his death.

Iust.

Well, I am resolved on it; I know what I will do.

Exit.

Sl.

Come, let us follow him, he may doe himselfe some mis∣chiefe else.

Exeunt.

Enter Pate, Slur, Had-land

Pate.

Which way went hee?

Had.

I cannot tell.

Slur.

Up staires, I thinke.

Pate.

Go after him, for Gods sake, and see whether you can find him.

Exeunt.

〈2 pages missing〉〈2 pages missing〉

with you. Mr. Constable, I charge you for to seize upon her.

Cast.

Hold, hold.

Iust.

Why?

Cast.

This is my reason;

Discovers himself.

Was not I the man that married you?

Had.

Nay, Sir, it is a plaine case, yours was cleerly no mar∣riage.

Iust.

Nay, then I see I am cozen'd.

Had.

You are indeed, Sir, I hope, for we have taken a great deal of paines in vaine else; I am sure we have been plotting this same business any time this month.

Iust.

Well, I do yeeld my selfe cozened, and am glad it is no worse.—

And now Mr. Had land, I see you have wit to get an Estate, I hope you will have wit to keep it. You are one, I must confesse, of whose good parts I have heard divers times, and you shall shortly find, you have no more then I can well afford you.

Know.

And now, Sir, here the Gentleman hath made a shift to come hither in a Coach, that I was supposed to have killed.

Wel.

And here I do acquit him.—

I must confesse, I had a challenge from him; but going for to meet him, I met with some other Gentleman, betweene whom and my selfe there chanced a certaine quarrel, in which I got the wound.

Know.

I challenged you! Certainly.—

Lov.

Sir, do not wonder any longer, for I will resolve the doubt.—

This Gentleman was this afternoon to go to a certaine place, whi∣ther, if he had gone, I had beene for ever lo••t; wherefore I upon the sudden, not thinking of a better way, sent him that Chal∣lenge in your name, only thereby to hinder his going,—for which, Sir, I beg your pardon.

Cris.

Which I durst warrant, if it be but for my sake, you shall ob∣tain.

Know.

Madam, you are so far from wanting pardon for what you have done, that to you I owe whatsoever happinesse I do expect in this same Lady.

Lov.

If, Sir, you owe any thing to me, I shall look for sa∣tisfaction only in this same Gentleman, for whose sake I did what I did.

Wel.

I shall be, Lady, so far from quitting others scores, that what I owe you on mine own account, while I live, I shall never clear.

Pat.

Well, Mr. Had-land, I cannot but blush when I think

what a part you have made me act to day.

Had.

Thou hast done that this day (my Dear) that will eternally oblige me.

Slur.

Madam, I hope you will pardon what I said today, knowing to what end it was spoken; for there is not that Lady in the world of whom I have more honourable thoughts, then I have of you.

Pat.

I am sure I never gave you cause to have other.

Enter two Gentlemen.

Iust.

How now Sirs? What would you have?

1.

Sir, we come to demand your assistance against a couple of knaves that are here, that this afternoon have cheated us of almost a hundred pounds.

Iust.

Which be they?

2.

Here is one.—

1.

And this is the other.

Iust.

Have they cheated you, say you?

1.

Yes that they have.

Iust.

What say you, Gentlemen?

Slur.

Your Worship (I hope) by experience knowes, that such a thing may not be altogether impossible.

Iust.

Well, Gentlemen will you refer the businesse to me, upon that condition, that I do please you all?

1.

I, Sir, upon that condition; but we shall not be pleased without our money.

Iust.

Why, then I order you to give them their money.

Slur.

But then we shall not be pleased.

Iust.

Yes, but you shall: for now I am resolved upon a design, which I hope will be as good as building Hospitals.

Gentlemen, by the carriage of this businesse, I see you have more in you then ever I did take you for to have. And although you have been wild in your time, yet now I believe you would know how to value an estate.

First therefore, as for you Mr. Had- Land, what you have gotten by this device from me, I freely will let you enjoy.

And for these Gentlemen, I will give them that which shall maintaine them like themselves without these shifts.

To be short, Gentlemen, I have an Estate and never a child, and if you henceforward do nothing that may displease me more then this your dayes work hath done, I shall not be wanting in any thing that you may expect from a father. What, doth this please you?

Slur.

Beyond our expectation.

Cast.

We, Sir, shall never be able to deserve this.

Iust.

Come, come, you have deserved it already.

Cast.

What strange accidents have hapned this day!

Enter Goosquil, and Whispers to the Iustice.

Iust.

O I, 'tis true, I did not think of it.

Mr. Hadland, there is a Supper ready within, which I did cause to be provided as for my Wedding Supper; but since you have got my Bride, you must e'en take the Supper too.

Gentlemen, will you please to walk?

Old Cris.

Then here we do begin the round; tomorrow my daugh∣ter and this Gentleman say, you must be at my house.

Wel.

The next day after I do invite you.

La.

And I the next day after that.

Iust.

March then in, and as you your Weddings make, In the same order now your places take.

Exeunt.

FINIS.