The hectors, or, The false challenge a comedy written in the year MDCLV, the scene, London.

SCENE III.

Enter Iustice and Pate

Iust.

Come my Chuck, now thou art mine, and whatsoever is in this house is thine.

Pat.

But when my brother knowes this, he will never endure me for serving him so.

Iust.

'Tis no matter, so long as thou hast my love.

Pat.

I Sir, if I were assured of that, I would despise all the world be∣sides; but I doubt I have too much cause to fear, that it is my Wealth you have married, and not me.

Iust.

But you shall have no such cause, I'l warrant you.—

O my dear Honey, I could wish that thou wert worth never a groat, that thou mightst see how I love thee.

Enter Goosquil.

Goos.

Sir, there is the Constable without, he hath brought a Gen∣tleman.

Iust.

What? Cannot he let me be quiet on my Wedding-day.

Exit Pate

Enter Constable, &c. Know-well.

Iust.

Come Mr. Constable, what is the matter?

Con.

Why, Sir, an't please your Worship, I have reprehended a man upon suspicion of murder.

Iust.

Of murther! God forbid man, I hope not so.

Con.

Look you (Sir) I do but charge him of suspicion of murther, I do not lay flat murther to his hands:— I'll warrant you I know what I do.

Iust.

Well, but how stands the case? What witnesse have you of it?

1.

If it please your Honourable Worship, that which I have to say a∣gainst this Gentleman under correction, in brevity is only this.

2.

Nay, an't like your Worship, I saw the first beginning, therefore, I hope you will give me leave to speak first.

Iust.

Come on then friend, you look like an honest fellow; what are you?

2.

An't like your Worship, I am by Trade a Black-Smith. I was a Prentice in Fetter-lane, and have beene a man for my self ever since the last great Sicknesse, which is some thirty years agoe, I think, for I am sure our Ned was born the year after, and hee is nine and twenty now this next long Vaca∣tion.

Iust.

Well, but what can you say to the businesse?

2.

Why, an't like your Worship, I this Afternoon, after I had bid my wife lay down the shoulder of Mutton▪ that (an't like your Worship) I bought in the morning, I went out into the fields (an't like your Worship) to take a turne or two to get me a stomack.—

But I had almost forgot one main thing, for as I was going, I met with an old companion of mine, one Will. Freeman by name.— An't like your Worship, I tell you no lye, for as they say, Tell the truth and shame the Divel.

Iust.

Well, but what then, friend?

2.

Why, An't like your Worship, honest Will said I, it was a merry old world when you and I were Prentices together in Fetter∣lane. And upon that, (an't like your Worship) he would needs have me go spend my two pence with him.

Iust.

Well, but come to the point, what do you know concerning this Gentleman?

2.

Nay, by your Worships favour, I am bound to speak the truth, and the whole truth.— But stay, where was I?

1.

Your friend and you were a going to drink, you said.

2.

O I, and then (an't like your Worship) we went to the Ca•• and Fiddle, and when we had drunk our flaggon•• a piece, and we were just a coming away, in came a neighbour of mine,—stay,—I shal hit on his name presently.

Iust.

Well, 'tis no matter for his name,—but what of him?

2.

An't like your Worship, he would needs make us stay the drink∣ing of his flaggon too; and by that time that was done, an't like your Worship, I began to think the shoulder of Mutton might be over∣roasted, and therefore I made as much haste home as I could; and as I was coming along by the wall, imagining no hurt, nor thinking of no harm, O I saw the saddest and lamentable sight.—

Iust.

What was that?

2.

I never saw so much all the dayes of my life.

Iust.

But what was it?

2.

And I hope I shall never see the like again.

Iust.

Nay, what was it?

2.

Why, An't like your Worship, I saw a proper, goodly young Gentleman, as one shall see in a year and a day, lye in the most yearnful

condition, all in gore bloud, that it would have grieved any heart to have seen the like; and then this same young man came.—

Iust.

And what can you say friend? I think I have seen you som••∣where; is not Mr. Du-cape the Mercer your Master?

••

If it please your honourable worship, I am resident with Mr. Du-cape upon the account of a Journeyman.

Iust.

Cry mercy, but what say you?

1.

Why, if it please your honourable worship, as I was going a long upon a very civil account, to carry a piece of Satin to a person of Honour, in the Peazza, in Lincolnes Inne fields, just under the wall, I chanc't to cast my eyes and view the aforesaid Gent. whose name is Mr. Well-bred, in the self same condition as this man has before specified and declared, and I upon that account dee∣ming him to be dead, did debate with my selfe upon what ac∣count the said Man-slaughter should happen; but I approaching neer∣er, did descry him to be one that had been a customer to my Master, and I upon that account knowing his lodging, did desire this same man that upon that account he would be instrumentall in conveying him thither. And when upon that account we be∣gan to stirre him, his wound upon that account began to bleed with a most extreme violence, in so much that I seeing his hand∣kerchiefe, hang out of his pocket, did upon that account judge it requisite to pull it out, to helpe stop his wound; and pulling it out, I chanced upon that account to pull out a letter, which this man desiring me to read —

2.

You may see that some are wiser then some.

1.

— Upon that account I read it, and finding it to bee a challenge, upon that account did I estimate this Gentleman to have fought a duel.

Iust.

Where is the letter?

1.

Here, if it please your honourable Worship.

Iust.

Read it Goos-quill.

Goos-quill reades. — Sir, I cannot but as I am a Gen∣leman take notice of the affront you put on mee, in pretending to Mistris Crisis, to whom none living doth owe more service then my selfe; wherefore I desire that you would hence-forward desist, or else meet mee at the back side of Islington, with your friend and a Rapier, where I shall in the same manner attend you, about five of the clock. In the mean while, I rest,

Your humble Servant Thomas Know-well.

Iust.

will these bloody and inhumane duells never be left off? shall wee never but be thus barbarous one to another? as

if we were not men, but Butchers, Turks or Tartars.

What say you Sir, are not you the man that kill'd him? do you not know that blood requires blood?

Know.

Surely Sir there is some great mistake, for my part I have not seen the Gentleman this day.

Iust.

It will be well if that will serve your turn; I think the matter cannot be more cleere; Come Goos-quill make a Mittimus presently.

Know.

Sir, If you please, I shall produce some, in whose company I have been all this afternoone.

Enter Crisis.

Cris.

Hold, hold, I beseech you Sir, let him stay a little.

Iust.

Mrs. Crisis! how doth your father, my very good neigh∣bour?

Cris.

Very well Sir, he will be here shortly.

Iust.

But what is the matter, can you say any thing in this busi∣nesse?

Cris.

Sir, only this, the Gentleman that Mr. Know-well here is sup∣sed to have killed, is not dead.

Iust.

How! not dead?

Cris.

No Sir, He was only through much loss of blood, fainted away for a time; but now Sir, he is very well again, neither did hee give him the wound that he has, but he saith he had it in a quarrell that hapned between him, and some that he met in the fields.

Iust.

That is strange.

Cris.

Sir, If you will have but a little patience, there will be some here immediately that will cleer all things to you.

Iust.

Well then, stay a little.

People, 1.

What, must he not be hanged then?

2.

I'le warrant that Gentlewoman has beg'd him.

1.

Shee must be a pure virgin if shee have.

3.

They say he has bought his life for a thousand pounds, and then he to have a lease of it for fourscore years.

1.

There is a fine device indeed; this it is to be a Gentleman, I'le warrant one of us should have been hanged without more adoe.

Con.

Bear back there. —

Cris.

But Mr. Quorum, I hear you have stoln a wedding to day.

Iust.

Such things will be sometimes; Shee was a fortune meerly cast upon me.

Cris.

But shall not I have the happinesse to see your Bride in the mean time?

Iust.

Yes that you shall.

Goos-quill, go and desire your Mistris to come in.

Exit Goos-quill, and Enters presently with her and Had.

Had.

Speak but one word, you rogue, and I will cut your throat.

Know-well and Crisis salute her.

1.

Witnesse. Surely I should know her.

I, that is she without doubt.

Looks on her.

Pate

Nay, 'Tis I.

Iust.

Do you know my wife?

1.

I have a little reason, for I am sure she ows my Master almost 〈◊〉〈◊〉 pound.

Iust.

50 pound! that is nothing; — but I hope thou dost not owe many such debts, Chuck.

Pate.

Why, what if I do?

Iust.

Nay, nothing, but I hope not so. —

Pate.

What, am I examined already?

Iust.

Be not angry Love, — for I know thou hast wherewithall to pay them.

Pate.

Have I so? Were I disposed, how could I laugh to see how thou art cozend!

Iust.

Ha! Cozend!

Pate.

I cozen'd, thou old doting fool: could you ever imagine any thing else?

Know.

Hey da!

Iust.

Nay, but Honey, what do you mean? you are not in earnest, are you?

Pate.

In earnest? Do you think I am not? could you ever be so mad, as to think that I in my heat and strength of yeers could ever do••e on thy dull frosty carcasse?

Iust.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Pate.

Do you think that I would mix my blood with thy cold flegmatick, gou••y humours, had it not been to raise my sinking fortune, ••nd to keep me from those extremities of poverty, that did daily threaten me?

Iust.

Oh I am undone, I am undone, undone.

Pate.

And yet had my condition beene ten times worse, were I to be ty'd only to thy bed, I should repent the change.

Know.

A brave Girle I vow.

Pate.

For I already do begin to feel those warme desires that thou this many a year never hast been able to satisfie.

Cris.

Come, Master Know-well, let us goe into the next roome, she will make me blush' else. —

Know. and Cris. Exeunt. As they are a going.

Pate.

What, are you going Sir, I hope now you know the house, I shall see you here sometimes, our yeers indeed would somewhat suit, and what ever we should chance to do, here is one must father all.

Cris.

O impudence!

Iust.

O patience, patience, patience, I shall run mad else, mad, mad, mad.

Had.

Now Sir, my revenge is perfect; do you not know mee?

Puts off his Perriwig.

Iust.

Mr. Had-land!

Had.

I, Do you not remember how some seven years ago you took the forfeiture of my Lands that were mortgaged to you, and ever since have unjustly kept me from them?

Iust.

O, I do remember, and confess this is a judgment, a Judgment.

Had.

I'le warrant her she is a judgment worse then either fam•••• sword or the pestilence, or I am deceived.

Enter Slur.

Slur.

You have wrong'd me, for I say mine was the first turn.

Pate.

Peace.

Slur.

Peace, you whore! I will not hold my peace.

Pate.

What, shall I be called whore in mine own house? out you roq•••• Mr. Constable, I charge you to turn him out.

S••ur.

Hee turn me out!—stir but one inch you rogue, and you stir your last.

Drawes.

And now I say, you are a whore, and a most damn'd whore.

And Sir, nothing so much grieves me, as that I have been the cause of helping you to this same strumpet.

Iust.

O Sir, what is shee? what is shee? let me know the worst, for I am prepared.

Slur.

That which I know of her, Sir, is this; I was first acquain∣ted with her in the army, where I will assure you she was accounted a very necessary piece of ammunition, in some five nights, I think, shee would serve all our troop; since (Sir) shee has liv'd about the towne, no small sinner, shee has been as common as a Hackny Coach, and much about the same price, two shillings the first hour, and one shilling an hour after, as long as you will: shee is as prostituted as some moderne Workes, only they are spread upon the stalls in the day, and shee in the night.

Hold her.—

And Sir, if the knowledg of men be the chiefest wisdome, believe she is not unwise, for in them she is not a little experienced;shee will tell you (I believe) the difference betwixt the melancholy, and the sanguine, the fair, or the black haired youth: shee could perhaps from her own knowledg, mend the observations of Culpepper, or Aristotles problems, tell who doth afford most pleasure▪ the hot Italian, or the tough Germain, the nimble French-man, or the grave Spaniard.

Pate.

Why, you villain you, if through the frailty of my youth I have committed any of these kind of things, must every rogue tell me of it?

Slur.

On I go for all this — And Sir, about a yeer ago in this ser∣vice, shee got a certain mischance, that you may guesse, insomuch, that what with her expences to the Surgeon and Apothecaries, together with the intermitting of her trade, shee was reduced to much poverty, and had incurred many debts.

Iust.

Debts!

Sl.

I, debts of all sorts, from her Mercer to her Milk-maid, all which have been some while forborne through the expectation of your paying them.

Iust.

Oh, oh, oh, what shall I do? here Goos-quill, take my knife, I don't know what I may do else.

Sl.

Believe me (Sir) you will have a very charitable imployment of it, you will pay many a pound that for a long while hath beene ac∣counted desperate; but for you (Sir) many a poor man might have beene undone.

Pate.

This (Sir) wil be almost as good as founding Colledges, or building Churches.

Had.

And although you build no Hospitals, yet she may chance to find you imployment for Surgeons.

Pate.

You may in time to come, repair and make bridges for your nose.

Iust.

O thou damn'd perfidious whore.

Sl.

O Sir, she is perfidious indeed, if you know how shee has served mee.

Iust.

O How, how, how? let me hear, it will be some comfort to me to know any body else that has been cozend by her besides myself.

Sl.

Why (Sir) this Gentleman and I, (although for my part I must confesse, I do repent of what I have done) did much assist her in the accomplishing of this her design on you, for which in gratitude to us, and also in respect of your years, shee did agree, that we two should have a certaine kind of imployment (Sir) an ancient Roman office called Adju∣tores thori, conjunctim & divisim, execute per vices, or by turnes; And (Sir) by the bargain I was to have the first turn; but shee (Sir) not minding the premises, fraudulently and maliciously, against all equity, justice, and good conscience, and against the true intent and meaning of the parties, hath let this Gentleman —

Goos.

I that she has, I'me sure; when you sent me for her, I caught them both upon the bed.

Iust.

Oh, oh, I shall never be able to endure: O give me my knife again, O give me it, I say.

Sl.

You had best, and be accessary to his death.

Iust.

Well, I am resolved on it; I know what I will do.

Exit.

Sl.

Come, let us follow him, he may doe himselfe some mis∣chiefe else.

Exeunt.

Enter Pate, Slur, Had-land

Pate.

Which way went hee?

Had.

I cannot tell.

Slur.

Up staires, I thinke.

Pate.

Go after him, for Gods sake, and see whether you can find him.

Exeunt.

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