The hectors, or, The false challenge a comedy written in the year MDCLV, the scene, London.

SCENE II.

Enter Slur and Caster.

Cast.

Come this is the fairer Room, it looketh towards the street.

Slur.

I, so it doth, we might have been here all this while.

Cast.

Well, if this businesse succeed, now—

Slur.

Succeed I Will death succeed to life, the day to night? It can∣not but succeed: 'Slid, old Oughthred never did demonstrate a conse∣quence so certain, as I could this.

Cris.

But if he should prove an angry boy though, be mortal and wound unto the death.—

Slur.

Come fear nothing, I'l warrant he is as arrant a Coward, as e∣ver wore broad silver Belt.

Cast.

Pray God he be.

Slur.

There is another Youth too of the same breed above, I dare swear, I do not think but much good might be done upon him.

Cast.

But prethee let us make an end with one first.

Slur.

But I wonder what Hadland ailes, to make us stay thus long.

Cast.

He said he would be here almost an hour ago.

Slur.

— take his milksop pocky face, for me.

Cast.

That pocky face shall pay for it, if thou wilt.

Slur.

Shall us jeere the Rogue, and make him mad, as we use to do?

Cast.

I have this night studied some new matter for his purled taffeta countenance.

Slur.

But take heed you do not provo••e him unto fury.

Cast.

I'll warrant you: do you think I do not know the man?— But stay, I think he comes yonder.

Slur.

I, there he is, but I do not see the Gentleman that he said he would bring with him;

Enter Hadland.

Come, you are a trusty Card in faith Dick, did not you promise upon your word you would be here an hour ago?

Had.

Promise upon my word, quoth the man! What dost thou take me for a Scrivener, that I should mind such things as words and promises?

Cast.

A Scrivener! No, Di••k, I do not think thou art a Scrivener: but yet I must tell you, thy face doth look not much unlike the blank side of a Bond.

Slur.

Not quite so smooth, in my opinion.

Cast.

Come you shall contrive no more of these stratagems, if you can look no better upon them.

Had.

The truth of it is, I did a little disorder my selfe the last night.

Cast.

Disorder thy self! Why? what didst thou go to bed without being drunk?

Slur.

At nine a clock without a Wench?

Cast.

No that he did not, if the Madam in Lincolnes-Inne-fields say true. What sai••t thou Dick?

Had.

Why, I hope you are not my Ghostly Father.

Cast.

No Dick, I think thou lookest a little more Ghostly of the two.

Slur.

An absolute Ghost, I vow: had he but a Surplice and a Torch, he needs no Chalk.

Cast.

Chalk!— he looks like any.—

Had.

Come out with all thy paltry old Similies, and then we shall have done. What is it, Ashes, tallow Candle, Greene Cheese?

Cast.

Well, Green Cheese let it be then, if thou wilt: but

if thy face be a Green Cheese, the Cheese-cloth was somewhat course.

Slur.

Why prethee?

Cast.

Because the coat is so rugged.

Slur.

Why Dick?— But what if it be a Candle?

Cast.

What if it be a Candle! Was there ever such a question heard of? Why dost thou not kick him Hadland? he asks, What if thy face be a tallow candle?

Slur.

He will give me leave to put the case I hope, I do but sup∣pose.

Cast.

Well then, suppose it were a candle: stay— why then I say, it would be a Christmasse on••.

Slur.

I, for it is all wrought crinckum, cranckum.

Had.

Come, the face is a face, and may be a face.

Cast.

It may be (I grant) when it is finished.

Slur.

Finished!

Cast.

I, for yet i•• is but rough cast.

Had.

Come, 'tis no matter what the face is, or how it looks, I am ••ure if it had not been for him that ows the face, you might have both looked like Asses ere this.

Cast.

As we did the other night when the Sussex Gen••leman beat us.—

Had.

Was not I the man, who when we were quite blowne up by those same City Rogues: And we had been in three dayes consultati∣on whether we should turne brethren of the High-way, down right beggars, or hang our selves: Was not I the man (I say) that found out this same Youth, this precious Squire, of whom within this week we have won some ninescore pounds, besides the expectation of this business?

Slur.

Well, for my part (I say) the man speaks reason, and ought not to be so abused.

Cast.

Yes, one touch more.

Slur.

Come, out with it then, man.

Cast.

I say, if we had turned brethren of the High-way, as he said, he for his part might have robbed without a Handcher∣chief.

Slur.

Why, prethee now▪

Cast.

—One would take h•••• face for a piece of Holland.

Slur.

It must be purled then.

Had.

Come, are you not ash••med to abuse yo••r brother Hector thus?

Cast.

You a Hector?

Had.

What am I else?

Cast.

That wan pale sprightl••s•• thing dr••w Pri••ms curt••in in the mid of night, and told him half his Troy was burnt.

Slur.

O Lord, why Dick what sai•••• t••ou?

Had.

Why this Dick sayes,— And first for you, you Rascal, Do you remember what you were when first I knew thee? a lean, starv'd, thin-gut, thred-bare Rogue, that had never a rag to cloath thy body, nay, scarce a body to thy soul: Do you remember where I found you? Clapt up in the Fleet for forty shillings, that thou owedst in Ram-Alley for chippings of bread and porrage, when thou, Camelion like, hadst for some dayes lived by nothing but aire, and wert just re∣solving into thy first principles? Did not I pay this dribling debt for thee, set thee free, and since have made thee the man thou art? I must confesse, I saw a good hopeful cozening countenance in thee, that did promise much.

Cast.

Come, a truce, a truce.

Had.

No you Rogues, since you have provoked me, you shall re∣pent it. And as for you my friend, with you I have been somewhat longer acquainted, I think I knew thee in the late Wars, thou went'st by the name of Captaine, a thing could do nothing but drink and damne thy self, and run away, so monstrous a Coward, that thy pro∣digious fears were able to work upon the genius of an Army; And this you shall confesse, or else I will beat it out of you.

Cast.

Well, hold, I do confesse here before my friend then, that I am a Coward, and thou art a terrible child of war; so thou wilt let me alone, thou shalt be no more Dick Hadland, but a furious Hector or Achilles, any thing what thou wilt: thy pock holes shall be no more pock holes, but skars of dreadful Mars.

Slur.

Why Dick?

Cast.

Characters of honour in which may be read full mighty acts of Chivalry.

Slur.

Characters saist thou? 'tis some strange Oriental tongue; Stay, let's see, I think they are the Egyptian Hieroglyphicks.

Cast.

No 'tis Greek, for I think they are all Omegaes, Hadland.

Enter Drawer.

Draw.

Sir, There is a Gentleman below would speak with you.

Had.

With me? I'l warrant 'tis Mr. La-gul. Prethee desire him to come up.

Draw.

I will Sir.

Exit Drawer.

Cast.

I must now vanish then.

Exit Caster.

Had.

Stay, I will go meet him.

Exit, and enters presently a∣gain talking with La-gul.

Had.

Will you meet him, say you?

La.

What should I do else?

Slur.

Will he fight?

Had.

So he saith.

Slur.

So now you have made a fine business.

Aside.

Had.

Come I'l warrant you,

Aside.

Come Mr. La-gul sit down, here is a health to all our friends in the other world, you will remem∣ber

me to them all.

Drinks to him.

La.

What do you mean?

Had.

You will meet him, you say.

La.

I shall be posted else: And I shall lose my honour and repu∣tation.

Had.

I 'tis true, but—

La.

But what?

Had.

'Slid, you had as good meet Iove armed with Thunder, the sheers of Atropos: the dart of death it self is not half so fatal as his Rapier.

La.

Say you so?

Had.

The Sword of Justice strikes not so certain; no fore man of a Ju∣ry could breathe more sure destruction.

Slur.

If it be so, in my mind the Gentleman hath a great cause of comfort; fo•• to know the certainty of his death, is that which many a good Christian prayes for all his life long.

Had.

'Tis wel you put him in mind, for certainly it is time for him to begin to forsake the flesh, the world and the Divel.—

Slur.

Some Ghostly Father indeed were fitter company for him then we.

Had.

No, no, Mr. La-gul, I say, drink on, it may be your last▪— We will meet somewhere to morrow before you go, and sing a Psalm, and it will be well enough, I'll warrant you.

La.

Nay, but Mr. Hadland.—

Had.

Come Mr. La-gul, to deal plainly and seriously with you, you have chanc'd upon a man that hath not his fellow, I am confident in the Kingdom; he is absolutely one of the greatest Duellifts about the Town.

Slur.

Prethee who is it, Mr. Hadland?—

Had.

One Caster, as I take it, his name is▪

Slur.

Caster! I have heard indeed very much of the man, he came lately out of France.

Had.

I, the very same, he killed a great Monsieur there in a Duel the last Summer, and was pardoned by the King for the gallant service he did against the Spainiard at the siege of Arras.

Slur.

I believe he is fain to leave France now upon some such ac∣count, I have heard somewhat.—

Had.

Nay to my knowledg he hath killed some of our own fellow Subjects, but that he hath had the luck to carry things closely.

Slur.

The truth of it is, the Gentleman is a gallant spirited Gentle∣man; but he hath one humour in his fighting that I do not so well like of.

Had.

What is that I pray, Sir?

Slur.

When once he is in the field he will make the utmost use of all advantages, he never spares any man.

Had.

I have heard that very thing dis••uted with him diver•• time••, but he saith it is the only Mode b••yond se••; crye••, Vn enemy le m••in∣dre.

S••u••.

But me thinks (Sir) that it doth not savour so much of magnanimity; true Valour sh••uld never think upon enemies in the way of fear.

La.

What should I do then, Gentlemen, in this case?

Had.

Nay, for my part, I cannot tell.

Slur.

Truly Sir, your condition in my opinion is somewhat desperate▪

Had.

This 'tis, when you will venture upon quarrels when I am not with you.

L••.

Venture! I could not possibly avoid it, I did but deny to lend him forty pounds, and straight he called me base uncivil fellow; and told me I did not like a man of honour.

Had.

I think so; could you expect any other consequence? 'Slid, could any man have been guilty of such an uncivility?

La.

What, to deny a man I never saw before?

Had.

It was no matter, he looked like a Gentleman.

La.

Upon that (you know) I could do no lesse then give him the Lye, and so the businesse began. For my part, I thought I might safely have done so, for I am sure I saw a Gentleman beat him not above an hour before.

Had.

Beat him!—'Slid, Slur, what shall I say? What a Rogue is this he did not tell us of it?—

Aside

— In some cases, you know, one is not bound to strike again by the rule of Honour; as if I have given the Lye, or so.—

La.

No, there was no such matter here, for the Gentleman was at play with him, when on the sudden he told him he was a Cheat, and gave him a blow on the pate with a Candle∣stick.

Had.

And did he do nothing, say you?— Pox what shall I say?

Aside

La.

No, nothing.

Slur.

You cannot tell what new Mode of quarrelling he may have brought over with him from France?

Had.

Strike him! if there be not some such matter in it, he had as good have strooke fire into a Magazine.

La.

Well then, I am resolved.

Had.

What to do?

La.

I will not fight.

Had.

How! Not fight!

La.

No.

Slur.

Nay, now we have over done the businesse.

Aside

Had.

Prethee have but a little patience,

Aside.

What do you say? Will you not fight! Speak it againe, for I c••n scarce believe my ears.

La.

I say, I will not fight.

Had.

What is all the paines that I have taken with you lost? Will you with one act forfeit all your Honour?

La.

Honour! hang it, I am almost weary of it.

Slur.

Do not you value your reputation?

La.

I cannot tell what to do, it doth every day so endanger my life.

Had.

Your life? Can there be a life without it? To live to be the scorn of men, is worse then a hundred deaths. Can he be said to live, that is not fit company for a Foot-boy, that will be howted and laugh¦••d at, and posted for a Coward?

La.

I care not, let them post me; it is but going into the Country for a while, or giving out that I am gone to travel, as you know one did not long ago in such a case.

Had.

No, that will not do, for you would as soon avoid your own shadow as him, no troubled conscience could more closely pursue you, divine Justice would not so soon ••ind out the wicked as he would you: 'Slid, 'twas but the last Summer he followed from France, quite through Germany, into Italy, one that he had never seen, neither had the least affront past betwixt them, meerly out of a generous humour, because he heard he was a man of Armes.

La.

What shall I do then?

Had.

Come, Mr. La-gul, the truth of it is, your Quarrel was not an hour old before I heard of it; and I being extremely sensible of your danger, began to think how I might possibly procure your safety, at the last came into my mind a Gentleman, one that is an intimate friend of this same Casters, whom I have some acquaintance with. And to be short, I did a little feel him, to see whether he would be a means of ta∣king up this matter, but—

La.

What?

Had.

Why, to be short, he I believe hath heard that you are a man of Estate, and he it seems hath had an ill hand of late, and is a little out of money, and so he thinks to take an advantage of this opportunity to request a courtesie of you.

La.

What, would ••e borrow any money?

Had.

He talked as if he wanted 200.—

La.

200 l. I cannot Sir by no means, you know how much I have lost of late.

Had.

That is all one, he knows your credit is good; and if you should deny him this small favour, he is somewhat a humoursome fellow, and I cannot tell whether ever I should perswade him to serve you in this same businesse; and yet I know he is the only man that can do it.

La.

I could spare now some twenty pounds, what if I offered to give him so much outright? would not he rather have it, do you think?

Had.

By no means. 'Slid, What? offer to give a Gentleman mo∣ny?

for ought I know he might take it for an affront, and then there would be another business.

La.

An affront say you! nay, I will take heed how I run into any more of these affronts; — But if there be no remedy, I shall referre my self unto you in this same matter.

Had.

I will do my utmost endeavour to see what can be done then. — But what quarrel was that you were a telling me you fell into this afternoone?

La.

Why there was a rude, uncivil fellow abused me; but because it was in the company of some Ladies, I let him alone; but I believe I must challenge him. —

Had.

Why, what was the matter, for Gods sake?

La.

Why this same Gentleman (I know not for what cause) on the sudden fell upon me, and took away my sword.

Had.

I hope not so: Would you let him take away your sword?

La.

How could I avoid it, except I had made a quarrel before the Ladies, and that you know I must not do.

Had.

O excuse me Sir: In your own defence you might.

La.

Might I in mine own defence, say you? — That I had but known so much! — Well, but what is to be done as the case now stands?

Had.

As the case now stands, you cannot challenge him, for a man in Honour is supposed to have but one sword.

La.

That is pritty, I vow. — That I could but think on these things my self! — But he hath restored me to my sword again.

Had.

Nay, then you must, for he hath restored you to your former condition. — But stay, upon what terms did he give it you? What said he?

La.

He said nothing to me, for he sent it by a Lady.

Had.

A Lady! I cannot tell how that same circumstance may alter the matter. — Stay Mr. Slurre, here is a pretty case, a Gentleman is dis-armed, and then the party that dis-armed him, s••nds him his sword again by a Lady; what do you think of it?

Sl.

What say you Sir? A Gentleman is dis-armed, and then his sword is sent him again by a Lady?

Had.

I, that is (as I take it) the case.

La.

I, that is the case.

Sl.

Why then the first thing that will be considerable is, whe••her the Law of Honour takes notice of a Lady; for you know Sir all Lawes look on some persons, as in Iure nu••••as.

Had.

But in my opinion, thereafte•• ••s she may be qualified, the Law of Honour may take notice of her.

La.

As how I pray, Sir?

Had.

Was there ever blood drawn in her quarrel?

Sl.

then there may arise a question, whether that blood were drawn in the field, or no?

Had.

You say true. — This I see will be somewhat a difficult case; wherefore (I think) we had best to stay till night, when we may have the opinion of all our brethren.

La.

Well, I see there is somewhat in these Lawes, if I could but un∣derstand them.

Had.

Somewhat doe you say? they are beyond what Solon or Lycurgus ever made.

Sl.

If you be not knowing in these, although you were more vali∣ant then Hercules, you might be resolved a Coward.

Had.

Were Iohn of Gaunt now living, one of our subtil Duell Casuists would baffle him with a qu••rk.

Sl.

Turn the affront up••n him cleerl••, in despight of his sword and buckler.

La.

Well, I must leave you, for I have a little business with a Gen∣tleman that is above. — But Mr. Handland, do you think this Gentleman would take it as an affront, if I should offer to pay ••he reckoning?

Had.

I cannot tell, you had best to leave some mony with mee.

La.

Your servant Sir, I shall think my self super-eminently happy in your farther acquaintance; and therefore I shall not be a little ambitious of it.

Sl.

Sir, I shall prevent your desires.

L••.

I could wish that I had but the felicitous fortune to be any way subserviceable to you.

Sl.

I shall esteem it no mean honour to be your servant.

La.

Really Sir, I presume you think not so.

Exit.

Sl.

Well, go thy way, God send thee more wit, and me more mony, as they use to say.

Had.

Mony you rogue! What would you have? Have we not now 200 pounds? Two hundred pounds! me thinks it sounds very roundly; but that we have forsworth it, we might go purchase Manors, you Rogue, Lands and Tenements.

Sl.

—take your Lands and Tenements, give me an Asse with a thousand pounds a year, '••is the only revenue in the world, it comes in cleare without any taxes.

Had.

But if we go on thus, I know no reason but that they should rate us to the poor of the pari••h for him:

Sl.

Such a lad indeed is a frank tenement that Plowden never dreamt of.

Had.

A frank-tenement! A fee-simple rather.

Sl.

Two or three such youths, a•• I live, if I had but a mind to marry, were a joynture sufficient for a lass of a thousand pounds.

Had.

Why, there is another, just such a one, in my conscience, not far off.

Sl.

I remember you were speaking some such matter to day.

Had.

Nay, I have enquired more of him since, and I hear he has at

the least fifteen hundred pound a year, besides some good summs in his purse.

Slur.

Such a one, my boy, might be worth our notice: but what shall we do to him?

Had.

Faith, e'en modo quo priùs.

Slur.

Nay hold, all men are not a••ike: ▪Slid, he may be terrible and valiant, a child of courage and the sword.

Had.

Dost take me for a Fool or an Asse? Do you think I do not know mens tempers? He cannot in nature but be a Coward. Did I not see him the other day with a c••p but∣toned up on one side, and a Feather in it, upon a horse with a g••eat saddle, at Hide Park? besides, did I not hear him to day talk of his Ho∣nour and Reputation?

Slur.

They are shrewd signs, I must co••f••••se.—

Had.

Come, let it happen as it will, I will take the businesse upon my self; and let the worst come to the worst, he shall not have a child to deal with.

Slur.

Spoke like a Hector, and thy self, brave Hadland.— But stay, shall I go call Caster, and tell him of our suc∣cesse?

Had.

Hold: Shal we fright the Rogue a little, and make him believe he must fight?

Slur.

It will be rare, I vow. But here he comes.

Enter Caster.

Cast.

How now, my Lads? What is the matter you look thus sober? How go affairs?

Had.

Faith, e'en scurvily enough.—

Cast.

Why? He will not fight? Wil he?

Slur.

Fight! He was ready to fight with us two but for asking him the question.

Had.

Fight, do you say! He was got, I think, betwixt two furious Armies in the heat of Charge: he thinks, he speaks, he talks of nothing else but fighting.

Slur.

In the while that he was here with us, but that we carried our selves discreetly, he would have given us twenty occasions of the Challenge

Had.

I looked out after him, and I saw his Sword out twice, meerly upon some trifl••ng businesse, of a justle, or the wall.

Slur.

We have a great deliverance I think: for my part, I never was in the company of such a furious terrible boy since the hour I was borne.

Cast.

Come▪ I am confident ••ou did not your parts handsomly; you did not fright him enough.—

Had.

Fright him, say you! I am sure I made thee such a

dreadful thing, that I dare swear, hadst thou but heard me, thou wouldest have beene afraid of thy selfe this twelve month.

Slur.

But that was so far from frighting of him, that it wrought an effect quite contrary, in stirring up a noble emulation in him: he swore such a one as I described thee to be, he would go through the world bu•• he would find out.

Had.

He blessed himselfe, that at the length he had the luck to to light upon one, in whom his sword might find some re∣sistance, or in whose death he might gaine some honour.

C••st.

— Take you (Hadland) this was your do∣ings.

Had.

Nay, prethee be not angry, I for my part did all for the best.

Cast.

The best! Hang you, you knew it could not be o∣therwise.

Had.

Nay, do not judge of a businesse by the successe.

Cast.

What do you think I shall do now?

Slur.

In troth I cannot tell,— Now the matter is so far gone there is no flying off, you must e'en go through.

Cast.

What? Would you have me fight?

Had.

Why not?

Cast.

Do you ask why? You know it is against my n••ture: fight (quoth you!) I tremble at the very word.

Slur.

Alas poor man!—

Had.

Come, come, e'en fight, and if thou chance to fall, I will see thee honourably buried on the common stock.

Slur.

Fight! What wouldst thou do else? Hast thou not lived long enough?

Had.

I must confesse, if I had been in his condition, I think I should have hanged my self some years ago.

Slur.

Hast thou not lived to spend a fair estate, that h••th kept thy Ancestors in good repute for many ages?

Had.

Ha••t thou not lived by thy profane debauchnesse, and base cowardlinesse to help to sink a cause in which we all do suffer?

Slur.

Nay, now you are a little too serious, Dick.

Had.

Hang him, I would I could say any thing that would mad him, for jeering of my face.

Slur.

Nay, then have at him.— What dost thou live for? but to be a Moth and Canker to thy Country?—

Cast.

So 'tis well.

Slur.

To perve••t and seduce her youth?

Cast.

O that my heart would but give me leave to fall upon either of these Rogues.—

You dam'd Villains must you abuse me too?— But there is no tr••f••••ng in this matter; I must go see what may be pos∣sibly done for to prevent it.

Exit.

Slur.

Shall we call him back again?

Had.

No, let the Rascal alone in his fears until we meet anon at night.

Slur.

Well, here is a Health to the Rogue howsoever.—

Had.

Come on: But you know whom we are to meet withal at night; we had not best to be too busie, for they are Lads we shall do no good upon, except we first drink them up pretty high.

Slur.

Well, as you will.— But what becomes of your business?

Had.

O things are in an excellent posture; what wil you say, if be∣fore night I have my Land again?

Slur.

'Tis impossible.

Had.

Well, Do but mark the motions, and observe conse∣quences.

Slur.

But how can it be man, that thou shouldst ever make such an Asse of that old, wary, subtle fellow?

Had.

You are deceived in him, he is not so subtle as you think for; he is as fine a dull and stupid piece of matter as you would wish to work upon: I grant you, for this many ••ears he hath had the luck to be much imployed in his way. And although he never read Cook nor Perkins, yet I cannot tell by what conspiracy of the world, he hath been that way accounted very knowing, so that for this many years he has heaped up huge summes, and now I think is owner of some Two thousand Pounds per annum; through the repute of which Estate he hath beene lately made a Ju∣stice.—

Slur.

For all this, if thou bringest this about, thou wilt bee more f••mous then he that cozen'd the Jew, the Jugler, and the Broker in Long-lane.

Had.

Well, do but go a long with me; and you shall know how all the matter is, for you have a part to act this Afternoon, which you must do before we meet them we promised.

Exe••••t.