Plautus's comedies ... made English, with critical remarks upon each play.

ACT V. (Book 5)

SCENE I.

Enter Pleusidippus and Trachalio.

Pleu. entring.]

TEll all agen, my dear Trachalio, my Deliverer, my Patron, or rather, my Parent. Has my Palestra found out her Parents?

Tra.

Yes, Sir.

Pleu.

And is she my Country-Woman?

Tra.

I think so.

Pleu.

Shall I marry her too?

Tra.

I imagine so.

Pleu.

Prithee, d'ye think her Father will make up the Match to day?

Tra.

That's my Opinion.

Pleu.

Shou'd I congratulate her Father for the Disco∣very?

Tra.

That's my Advice.

Pleu.

And her Mother too?

Tra.

That's my Advice.

Pleu.

What is't, that you advise?

Tra.

What you ask.

Pleu.

What's your Advice worth?

Tra.

Mine? I advise—

Pleu.

Leave advising, and don't be always a Coun∣cellor.

Tra.

That's my Advice.

Pleu.

Shall I run?

Tra.

That's my Advice.

Pleu.

Or had I better go softly?

Tra.

That's my Advice too.

Pleu.

Shall I salute her at the first entrance?

Tra.

That's my Advice.

Pleu.

And her Father too?

Tra.

'Tis my Advice.

Pleu.

Then, her Mother?

Tra.

'Tis my Advice.

Pleu.

What then? Shall I embrace her Father at the first entrance?

Tra.

That's not my Advice.

Pleu.

Nor her Mother?

Tra.

That's not my Advice.

Pleu.

Nor her self?

Tra.

'Tis not my Advice.

Pleu.

'Sdeath, the Fellow has chang'd his Note, and has advis'd me to a fine purpose.

Tra.

You're out o' your Wits; come along, Sir.

Pleu.

Where you please, my Patron.

[Exeunt Ambo.

SCENE II.

Enter Labrax alone.

Was ever Mortal in a more miserable Case than I? Pleusidippus has cast me before the Judges; they 've given him Palestra, and I may go hang my self. I'm per∣swaded that all Merchants o' my Faculty were born to make the World sport, every Body's so mightily pleas'd when they light upon any Misfortune.—Well, I'll to the Temple, and take her who is left behind, for she's all the Goods I have i' the World now.

SCENE. III.

Enter Gripus, with a Spit in his Hand.

Gri. to his Master within.]

By the Lord Harry, you shan't see Gripus alive at night, if I han't the Port∣mantle again.

Lab.

I'm ready to swoon at the Name of a Port∣mantle; the very word goes to the Guts o'me.

[Aside.

Gri. to himself.]

This Dog Trac•…•…alio has got his Free∣dom; but I, who found the rich Prize, am deny'd every thing.

Lab.

Bless me! The Fellow makes me prick up my Ears.

[Aside.

Gri. to himself.]

'Sbud, I'll post it up every where in Letters as big as Milstones, That if any one has lost a Portmantle full o' Gold and Silver, let them repair to Gri∣pus. They shan't carry't off as they think.

Lab.

O' my Conscience, the Fellow knows o' my Portmantle.—I must board him. Now Heaven prosper me.

Gri. to them within.]

What d'ye call m' in for? I'll scour the Spit here.

[He cleans the Spit.]

Faith, I think 'tis all made up o' Rust, not Iron; the more I scour it, the more yellow, and slender 'tis. Zooks, I think 'thas got a Consumption, it falls away so wretchedly.

Lab.

Bless ye, young Man.

Gri.

And you too, wi' your bald Pate.

Lab.

What are y' about?

Gri.

Scouring this damn'd Spit.

Lab.

How fares your Corps?

Gri.

Why that Question? Are ye a Mountibank?

Lab.

No, Faith, I'm another sort o' Bank.

Gri.

What then, a Bankrupt?

Lab.

Thou'st nick'd it.

Gri.

It agrees wi' your Complexion.—But what's the matter?

Lab.

Why, last Night I was cast away, my Ship sunk, and I've lost all I'm worth.

Gri.

What have ye lost?

Lab.

A Portmantle, full o' Gold and Silver.

Gri.

D'ye remember what was in't?

Lab.

What matters that; since all's gone to the bot∣tom o' the Sea?

Gri.

Nothing: Let's talk o' something else.—Suppose I know who found it; I'd willingly be told the Marks.

Lab.

There was 800 pieces o' Gold in one Purse, and 100 Philips in a little Bag by it self.

Gri. aside]

As I live, a noble Prize; I must require a swinging Reward for finding of it. The Gods are generous, and I shall be damn'dly rich: I see it is his Portmantle.—Go on wi' the rest.

Lab.

A whole Talent o' Silver, in a great Bag; be∣sides, a Bason, an Ewer, a Boat, and a Goblet.

Gri.

O living! You were a plaguy rich Fellow!

Lab.

That same were, is a miserable hard Word, since 'tis gone and past.

Gri.

Come, what will you give the Party that shall find it, and bring it t' ye? Speak quick; in a twink∣ling.

Lab.

Three hundred Pieces.

Gri.

'Tis three hundred times too little.

Lab.

Four hundred.

Gri.

Four hundred Farts.

Lab.

Five hundred then.

Gri.

A Fiddle's end.

Lab.

Six hundred.

Gri.

You'd as good bid so many Farthings.

Lab.

I'll give seven hundred.

Gri.

Ha' ye swallow'd a Fire-Coal, that you can't open your Mouth?

Lab.

I'll give a thousand then.

Gri.

Po, you bid nothing.

Lab.

Not a So•…•…ce more. Go.

Gri.

But hark ye; troth, if I once go, you find me no more here.

Lab.

Will a hundred more do?

Gri.

Sure you nothing but dream.

Lab.

Prethee, tell me, how much will.

Gri.

Not to make ye bid twice, a great Talent's the Price, and not a Farthing to be abated o' that! there∣fore say, Ay, or no.

Lab. aside]

I see I'm forc'd to it.—I'll give it then.

[to him.

Gri. going to the Altar]

Come hither then. Venus shall be witness of all.

Lab.

Command what you please.

Gri.

Lay your Hand upo'th' Altar.

Lab.

I do.

Gri.

You must swear by Venus, to—

Lab.

To do what?

Gri.

What I dictate t'ye.

Lab.

Dictate what you please—

[aside]

I'm so well furnish'd with Equivocations, I need n't borrow o' my Neighbours.

Gri.

Take hold o'th' Altar.

Lab.

I do.

Gri.

Swear to pay me the Mony, as soon as you have your Portmantle.

Lab.

I will.

Gri. and Lab. together]

I do promise here before Venus of Cyrene, if I find the said Portmantle, I lost in the Ship, together with all the Gold and Silver, therein inclosed, and it comes safely into my Hands and possession,—

Gri.

That I will give to this present Gripus— Lay your Hand upo' me, and say after me.

Lab.

That I will give to this present Gripus.—

Gri. and Lab. together]

A great talent o' Silver. So help me Venus.

Gri.

If you equivocate, wish Ven•…•…'s Curse to rot your Head and Joints all over.—

[aside]

And may it come to pass, as soon as you've finish'd your Oath.

Lab.

If I break my Oath, may Venus send all the Plagues o' Bawds upo' my Head.

Gri. aside]

Ay, and tho you keep it.—Stay here; I'll bring out m' old Master t'ye: Be sure to challenge him wi' the Portmantle.

[Exit Gripus with his Spit.

SCENE IV.

Labrax alone.

Tho he does help me to my Portmantle, the De'el a Farthing shall the Dog get o' me. I'm Master o' my own Tongue, and I'll do as I please.—But mum for that. Here he comes and th' Old Gentleman with him.

SCENE V.

To him enter Gripus and Demones with the Portmantle.

Gri.

Come this way, Sir. But where's this Woman∣merchant?—Hark ye, ho, ho! This Gentleman has your Portmantle.

Dem.

I have so, and own it; and if it be yours, you may have it, and all that's in't, just as you lost it. Take it if it be yours.

Lab.

O wonderful! 'tis mine.—Welcome, my dear dear Portmantle.

[hugging it.

Dem.

Is't yours?

Lab.

D' ye question it? Faith, if it fell into the Hands of Iove, 'tis mine nevertheless.

Dem.

There's nothing touch'd, but only one small Casket, and a few Play-things, which help'd to disco∣ver my Daughter?

Lab.

What Daughter?

Dem.

Your Palestra is found to be my Daughter.

Lab.

Truly, Sir, I'm glad of it; and receive an extream Satisfaction in finding things fall out so happily on your side.

[fawningly.

Dem.

I can scarce believe your Compliment.

Lab.

Then, Sir, to shew you my Intentions are real, I deliver up all my Right to your Daughter, without demanding a Farthing of ye.

Dem.

That's a piece of Generosity indeed.

Lab.

O dear, Sir, 'tis more yours than mine.

[taking the Portmantle.

Gri.

Hark ye, Friend, are ye possess'd o' your Port∣mantle?

Lab.

Yes.

Gri.

Then make haste.

Lab.

To do what?

Gri.

To pay me my Mony.

Lab.

Marry, I'll not pay ye a Souce, nor do I owe y' any.

Gri.

What Roguery's that? Not owe m' any?

Lab.

No, Faith, not I.

Gri.

Did n't your swear to me?—

Lab.

I did swear, and so I will again, if I think fit. Oaths were design'd to make a Man, not to break a Man.

Gri.

You perjur'd Dog, pay me the Talent y' owe me.

Dem.

What Talent d'ye demand, Gripus?

Gri.

He promis'd me upon Oath, to gi' me—

Lab.

'Twas my pleasure to swear: Are you a Magi∣strate to punish me if I break my Oath.

Dem.

Upon what account did he promise this Mony?

Gri.

If I help'd him to this Portmantle, he swore to gi'me a great Talent o' Silver.

Lab.

Get one to go before the Judge wi'me then, where I'll prove your Demands all Trick and Cheating, and that I'm older than your Worship by 25 Years.

Gri.

Here's one ready.

[pointing to Demones.

Lab.

I've nothing to say to him.

Dem.

I'll not part with it thus, till things be a little clear.—Did you promse him this Mony?

Lab.

I don't deny't.

Dem.

What you promis'd my Servant, belongs to me. Therefore, good Sir, you mustn't think to sham us off wi' your Bawdships Legerdemain Tricks.

Gri.

Sure you think you've to deal with a meer Bub∣ble. Come, down wi' the Mony fairly, and I'll give it my Master for my Freedom.

Dem.

Since I've been so civil t'ye, and by my means, your Goods were sav'd,—

Gri. interrupting]

Troth, Sir! 'twas by mine, there∣fore don't say, by yours.

Dem. to Gripus]

Hold your Tongue, Fool.—

[to Labrax]

You stand oblig'd t'acknowledge the Fa∣vour.

Lab.

True, because you defend my Right so well.

Dem.

'Twou'd be ridiculous to defend it wi'the loss o' m' own.

Gri.

I'm pretty secure: The Woman - Trader's brought a Peg lower, and that foretels my Freedom.

[aside.

Dem.

He found it, and he's my Slave, therefore I've kept it for ye, and all the Mony safe.

Lab.

I thank ye for't, and now I find t•…•…re's no Rea∣son to hinder ye o' the Talent I so solemnly promis'd.

Gri.

Hark ye, give it me quickly, if you're wise.

Dem.

Will you never be silent?

Gri.

You pretend to be my Friend, and 'tis all for your self. But, as I live, you shan't trick m' out o'this, as you did the Portmantle.

Dem.

Sirrah, speak another Word and I'll cane ye.

Gri.

Ay, Faith, you may kill me too; but I'll ne'r be quiet, till my mouth's stopt with a Talent.

Lab.

'Tis all for your good, therefore hold your Tongue.

Dem.

Come this way, Labrax.

Lab.

Well then.

[They walk on one side.

Gri.

Don't act underhand, I'll ha' none o' your close Committees, and Whisperings.

Dem.

Tell me, what did you give for Ampelisca, the other Girl?

Dem.

Shall I make a good proposal t'ye?

Lab.

With all my Heart.

Dem.

I'll divide the Talent.

Lab.

Very well.

Dem.

One half shall go for her Ransom, and the other, he shall have,—

Lab.

Best of all.

Dem.

—And I'll give him his Freedom for't, who was the cause o' your finding your Goods, and o' my finding my Daughter.

Lab.

Well decided, Sir; a thousand Thanks t'ye.

Gri.

Well, and shall I ha' the Mony?

Dem.

The Matter's made up, Gripus: I ha't.

Gri.

Faith, I'd rather ha't my self.

Dem.

Troth, there's nothing for you, Gripus, there∣fore you must n't expect it. I'd ha' ye discharge him from his Oath.

Gri.

Zookers, I'm undone: I must go hang my self, or else I'm a dead Man. You shall ne'r deceive me a second Tim•…•….

Dem.

Labrax, you must sup wi' me to night.

Lab.

I'll accept o' your Kindness, Sir.

Dem.

Come along both.—

[Turns to the Spectators]

Gallants, I wou'd invite ye all, but I've nothing to entertain ye with, nor any good thing to set before ye, and I presume you're all engaged elswhere. But, if you please to give us one good Applause, I invite ye to a Collation on this Day sixteen Years.—

[to Labrax, and Gripus]

You two, sup wi' me to Night.

Lab.

We will.

Dem. to the Spectators]

Kind Gentlemen, your Ap∣probation.

[Exeunt omnes.

The End of Rudens.