Plautus's comedies ... made English, with critical remarks upon each play.

SCENE I.

Enter Amphitryon and Socia at the farther End of the Stage, with several Prisoners bound.

Amp. entring.]

COme Sirrah, follow me.

[Angrily.

Soc.

That I will, and close at your Heels.

Amp.

Thou'rt the most villanous Rascal!

Soc.

Why, good Sir?

Amp.

For venting such Stuff, that neither is, was, or can be true.

Soc.

Marry, Sir, you keep to your laudable Custom o' never believing your own Servants.

Amp.

How, Sirrah, what Custom?—By Heaven I shall snip that rascally Tongue o'yours.

Soc.

I'm your Slave, Sir, and you may use me accor∣ding to your Pleasure and Conveniency. But I've spoke nothing but Truth, and you can't make me eat my Words.

Amp.

You impudent Dog, didn't ye say you were at home and here at the same time?

Soc.

'Twas nothing but truth, Sir.

Amp.

The Devil!—take ye, or I'll kick ye to him.

Soc.

I'm i'your Power, and must bear it if ye do.

Amp.

Slave, dare ye put Tricks upo' your Master? Ha' ye th' Impudence to face down that which never

Man saw, or can see? Is't possible for a Man to be here and there at the same time?

Soc.

Faith, Sir, just as I tell ye.

Amp.

The Devil lye ye for a Rogue.

Soc.

How have I deserv'd this at your hands?

Amp.

How, Rascal, when you make me your May∣game?

Soc.

If I did, I shou'd justly deserve it. But really, Sir, 'tis no Lye; I tell ye nothing but plain matter o' Fact.

Amp.

The Fellow's drunk, I think.

Soc.

Troth, wou'd I were.

Amp.

You've that Wish already.

Soc.

I, Sir?

Amph.

Yes, you.—Where ha'ye been drinking?

Soc.

Not a drop have I drunk to day.

Amp.

What manner o'Man was this—

Soc.

Troth I told ye ha'f a score times.—I say, Sir, I Socia am now at home; (d'ye mind?) and the same numerical Socia am here too. Now, Sir, I think I've made Things as plain and clear as the Sun.

Amp.

Plague!—Out o' my Sight.

Soc.

Why, Sir?

Amp.

Y'are infected.

Soc.

Why d'ye think so? Truly, Sir, I'm pretty well in Body and Mind, thank God.

Amp.

As sure as you're a Rogue, I shall make ye a little worse in Body and Mind, i•…•… I get once well in.—Come along, Rogue, you that abuse your Master wi' such Stuff as would make a Dog sick to hear it. Because you shamefully neglected your Business, you come im∣pudently to jeer me with impossible and unheard of Stories, you Rascal. But I'll have every Lye mark'd out upon your Back.

Soc

This, Sir, is the greatest Plague in the World to a good Servant; whenever he tells his Master the Truth, he must ha't ramm'd down his Throat.

Amp.

How a plague could this be? Give me some reasonable Proof of your being here and at home too: I'd fain see that.

Soc.

Really, Sir, I am both here and there too. A Body wou'd think it plaguy strange. But, I'll swear, it can't be more strange to you, than 'tis to me, Sir.

Amp.

How d'ye mean?

Soc.

I only say 'tis not more strange to you than me. For let me be hang'd, if this same Me-Socia believ'd a word of it, till that same I-Socia beat it into my Head. He gave me such a particular Account of all that pass'd in the Army this Campaign; then he had got my very Shape and Name, so that two drops of Water are not more alike than t'other I to Me.—For when you, my Lord, sent me betimes in the Morning from the Port,—

Amp.

What then?

Soc.

—I came to the Door a good while before I arriv'd.

Amp.

'Sdeath what Stuff's this?—Are ye quite mad?

Soc.

Just as you see me, Sir.

Amp.

The Fellow's bewitch'd, and fallen into some ill hands, since I sent him away.

Soc.

Ill hands indeed; for their Fists have maul'd me confoundedly.

[Shews his Face swell'd.

Amp.

Who beat ye so?

Soc.

T'other I beat Me.

Amp.

Sirrah, answer me nothing but what I ask.—First let me know who this same Socia is.

Soc.

He's your Servant.

Amp.

Mine? I've one too many by you; but ne're had another Servant Socia since I was born.

Soc.

But now, Sir, I promise to shew ye another So∣cia as soon as you get in, a Servant of yours, Son of Da∣vus, of my Shape, and my Age. In fine, your Socia's become double.

Amp.

These are all Riddles.—But saw ye my Wife?

Soc.

I was not permitted to enter the House.

Amp.

What hinder'd ye?

Soc.

That same He-Socia I've been talking of; he who so belabour'd me.

Amp.

What He-Socia do ye mean?

Soc.

I tell ye I. How often must I tell it?

Amp.

Hark ye, Friend, ha'n't you been sleeping the while?

Soc.

Not a Wink, Sir.

Amp.

Perhaps you saw this Socia in a Dream?

Soc.

I ne're us'd to dream out my Master's Com∣mands. Awake, I saw him; awake, I see you; awake, I talk; and awake I was, when that waking Dog beat me.

Amp.

What Dog?

Soc.

That I-He-Socia, I tell ye. Lord, can't ye un∣derstand me?

Amp.

How a plague shou'd a Man understand this ridiculous Banter?

Soc.

You'll immediately know—

Amp.

What?

Soc.

—Your other Socia, my Partner.

Amp.

Follow me then; for first I'll ha' this Busi∣ness clear'd.—See that all Things be brought from our Vessel as I order'd.

Soc.

I'm as diligent and careful t'obey you as possi∣ble. I have not swallow'd your Commands wi' my Drink.

Amp.

Pray Heaven, all this don't prove true.