SCENE, A Chamber.
So, Hidewell! Hast thou got the Ladder of Ropes?
Yes, my Lord, here's all the Tackling.
Is it strong? — for I am something weighty.
How, Father! just now you said you were worn to Skin and Bone.
Ay, my Lord; but you know Bones ill cover'd will soonest be broken.
True; take care of your self besure.— Hidewell, I have alter'd my Mind,—Thou sha't along with us; watch on the outside the Wall, and give us notice when the Coast is clear.
With all my Heart.
Let me see, have I got my Holy Water about me?
Holy Water! for what?
Oh! I always love to say my Prayers, and have those Trinkets, when I undertake a dangerous Design.
Don't be so prophane, Domine,— you'l never thrive, — yet, if your Devotion's strong, you've time Page 18 enough — We shan't go this Hour or two.
Nay, I won't hinder ye, — an Ejaculation as I go along does the Business.
My Lord, the English Colonel, that lodges in the House, sends to know if you are at leisure.
Tell him, I am, — and long to kiss his Hands. — I like that Gentleman, he appears brave
Faith and troth I like him too, — he treats like an Em∣peror; I din'd with him to day, — and he so gentilely, so agreeably forc'd Flesh upon me, that by St. Dominick, I cou'd not refu•e him; tho' 'tis a strict Fast, a horrible strict Fast, as I hope to be an Abbot. — Then the obliging Toad has such a Waggish Eye, I'll pawn my •eads, a plaguy Dog for the Women, and they are ever good-natur'd:—By his Holiness's Toe, I love the Sex my self,— for all this dangling Robe, and my foolish Vow of Chastity.
'Tis pity you were not a Knight-Errant,— the Church has robb'd the Ladies of a famous Adorer.
No, faith, my Lord, I do 'em more Service in these Weeds: I have sav'd many a desperate Soul.
Thus: in procuring them the full Possession of their Desires; and that su•ely brought 'em to Repentance; and you know, what Repentance brings 'em to.
Truly, Father, I shall grow angry with you; for if once the Priests take up the Office of Procuring, there will be no Bus'ness for a Lay-Pimp.
Peace, — the Collonel comes.
— I am your Lordship's humble Servant, — I have just had some Musick to complement me, — I am a great Lover of it, — if your Lordship is so, we'l have the Enter∣tainment there.
Nothing can oblige me more. — Some Chairs there!
If your Lordship pleases, being in this Dress, I will aim at a Jigg, I danc'd thus once in a Masquerade.
The odness of our Adventures surprize me: — Both our Mistrisses in the same House! — I hope 'twill fur∣ther our Designs.
It must. —My Lord, I have a Favour to beg; That you wou'd lend me one of your Implements to morrow, to manage a Plot I have in agitation.
Most willingly take your Choice.
I am at your Service.
You are so forward, — Canonical Fornication-Broker, — I believe I am fittest for the Gentleman's Service.
Goodlack, Upstart! I help'd ye to my Lord, — and now ye are for engrossing all Bus'ness to your self.
Nay, — I must have the most expert, because the Case is difficult.
Well! I'll not say much! — But here stands little Andrew, who has undertook to bring a Smock-fac'd Cardinal to a Maddona, secur'd with a Guard more num•rous than Argus's Eyes, and more dreadful than the Dragon you wot of — yet spite of massy Doors, impenetrable Bolts, and Italian Padlocks, •ffect•d it.
Phough! what's that! I have carried on an Amour for the Queen of Spain, — convey'd her Letters made up in Wax-Candles; Love-Complaints writ in the inside of her Glove; besides a Thousand other Contrivances you never dreamt of. — 'Tis true, at last the Fate of all Court-Pimps was mine: I fell into Disgrace; as that had rais'd me, so it ruin'd me; I lost a Coach and Six by my Profession, — And shall you pretend to Rival me?
You lost! why, Sirrah, Sirrah! I tell thee, if I had im∣ploy'd my Parts in Church-Politicks, in Tricks of Priestcraft, by this time I had been Pope. — But the bringing kind lo∣ving things together, was dearer to me than the Tripple Crown, —And shall a Varlet contend with me?
Gentlemen! dispute no more; I find either of you is qualified for my purpose.— My Noble Lord, good Night, — if you want me, on the least notice, I am ready.
I thank you, dear Neighbor, good Night. — Hide∣well, take up the Ropes, and come away.
I hope, Father Peremptory, before to morrow Morn∣ing, you'l stand in need of my Cunning, to deliver that lov'd Carcass from some imminent Danger.
I defie thee, and all thy shallow Imaginations.
Leave jangling, and make haste.