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Gentleman, step in and see the begining; here is a Lady worth your seeing, She was born like Minerva, for she hath been breeding like mites in old cheese, in the heads of several Poets for this thousand years. Who have at length produc'd her to out-miracle the Hairy Gentlewoman; being quite contrary to
her, for hair she hath none, her head being cover'd with an Aurora colour'd silk, which hangs dis-shevel'd about her shoulders; instead of curls it is ty'd in nooses, such as they catch Jacks withall, with which she recreates her self in fish∣ing for Gudgeons. Her fore-head is a Tower planted all about with Cupids artillery; The whole structure of her head re∣sembles a stately Palace; Her nose is the Throne where Ju∣piter himself sits under the Arches of her brows, which are not brows but two rainbows, to signifie the warry temper of their eyes; Instead of her eyes she hath two burning Torches in each hole, and here by the way, the Poets tell a story, how that Cupid about a hundred years ago sing'd his wings in the flames thereof, and falling into one of the corners, was al∣most drown'd in the Rhume; Her lips are two Altars of red Coral, continually reeking with the incense that comes from her mouth; Her teeth are not made of bone like those of other Women, but of the tears of true lovers congealed into pearl; Her Neck is nothing but a cloud, out of which you may see a Sun break ••orth to enlighten the two Orbs of her breast; though indeed they are not so properly to be termed Orbs, as Mountains, resembling the two hillocks that are upon Mount Parnassus; these overlook her belly, which is not a belly, but rather a plain, large and smooth, like that near Sa∣lisbury. Further I might go, but the Painter being not willing to draw more, makes me as abruptly to break off with my Pen, as he did with his Pencil.
Many Books have been written of sundry, and several Arts and Sciences, so that even the scabby invention of Short-hand hath not wanted Printed Instructions for the attaining there∣of. Yet strange it is to tell, that there never was yet any Book published concerning the Art of Ushering Ladies; doubt∣less it would have sold well, and might aptly have been call∣ed, The Gentleman Usher in Print. Therefore that this gene∣ration of Men may no longer live like Jews, depending whol∣ly upon Tradition; it was thought requisite to set them down some few Precepts, not doubting but that some or other of them, in their lazie hours, may build greater works upon this small Foundation.