Titus and Berenice, a tragedy acted at the Duke's Theatre : with a farce called The cheats of Scapin / by Tho. Otway.

Act First.

Scene First.

Enter Octavian Shift.

Oct.

THIS is unhappy News; I did not expect my Fa∣ther in two Months, and yet you say he is re∣turn'd already

Sh.

'Tis but too true.

Oct.

That he arriv'd this Morning?

Sh.

This very Morning.

Oct.

And that he is come with a resolution to Marry me?

Sh.

Yes, Sir, To Marry you.

Oct.

I am ruin'd and undone; prithee advise me.

Sh.

Advise you?

Oct.

Yes, advise me. Thou art as surly, as if thou really couldst do me no good. Speak: Has Necessity taught thee no Wit? Hast thou no Shift?

Sh.

Lord, Sir, I am at present very busie in Contriving some Trick to save my self; I am first prudent, and then good natur'd.

Oct.

How will my Father rage and storm, when he understands what things have happen'd in his absence? I dread his anger and reproaches.

Sh.

Reproaches! Would I could be quit of him so easily; me∣thinks I feel him already on my Shoulders.

Oct.

Dis-inheriting is the least I can expect.

Sh.

You should have thought of this before, and not have fallen in Love with I know not whom, one that you met by chance in the Dover-Coach; she is indeed a good smug Lass, but God knows what she is besides; perhaps some—

Oct.

Villain.

Sh.

I have done, Sir, I have done.

Oct.

I have no Friend that can appease my Father's anger, and now I shall be betrayed to want and ••isery.

Sh.

For my part, I know but one Remedy in our misfortunes.

Oct.

Prithee what is it?

Sh.

You know that Rogue and arch-Cheat Scapin.

Oct.

Well▪ What of him?

Sh.

There is not a more subtle Fellow breathing; so cunning, he can cheat one newly Cheated; 'tis such a Wheadling Rogue, I'll undertake in two hours he shall make your Father forgive you all, nay, allow you Money for your necessary Debauches: I saw him in three days, make an old cautious Lawyer turn Chymist and Projector.

Oct.

He is the fittest person in the World for my Business; the Impudent Varlet can do any thing with the peevish old Man. Prithee go look him out, we'll set him a work immediately.

Sh.

See where he comes—Monsieur Scapin!

Enter Scapin.

Scap.

Worthy Sir!

Sh.

I have been giving my Master a brief Account of thy most Noble Qualities: I told him, thou wert as Valiant as a ridden Cuckold, Sincere as Whores, Honest as Pimps in want.

Scap.

Alas Sir! I but Copy you: 'Tis you are brave; you scorn the Gibbets, Halters and Prisons which threaten you, and valiant∣ly proceed in Cheats and Robberies.

Oct.

Oh Scapin! I am utterly ruin'd without thy assistance.

Scap.

Why? What's the matter good Mr. Octavian?

Oct.

My Father is this day arriv'd at Dover with old Mr. Gripe, with a resolution to Marry me.

Scap.

Very well.

Oct.

Thou knowest I am already Married; How will my Fa∣ther resent my Disobedience? I am for ever lost, unless thou canst find some means to reconcile me to him.

Scap.

Does your Father know of your Marriage?

Oct.

I am afraid he is by this time acquainted with it.

Scap.

No matter, no matter, all shall be well: I am publick-spi∣rited; I love to help distressed young Gentlemen, and thank Heav••n I have had good success enough.

Oct.

Besides, My present want must be considered, I am in re∣bellion without any Money.

Scap.

I have Tricks and Shifts too to get that: I can cheat upon occasion; but Cheating is now grown an ill Trade; yet Heav'n be thank'd, there were never more Cullies and Fools; but the great Rooks and Cheats allow'd by publick Authority, ruin such little Undertraders as I am.

Oct.

Well, Get thee straight about thy Bus'ness: Canst thou make no use of my Rogue here?

Scap.

Yes, I shall want his assistance; the Knave has Cunning, and may be useful.

Sh.

Ay Sir; But like other wise Men, I am not over-Valiant: Pray leave me out of this Bus'ness; my Fears will betray you; you shall execute, I'll sit at home and advise.

Scap.

I stand not in need of thy Courage, but thy Impudence, and thou hast enough of that: Come, come, thou shalt along; What, Man, stand out for a Beating? That's the worst can happen.

Sh.

Well, well.

Enter Clara.

Oct.

Here comes my dearest Clara.

Cla.

Ah me Octavian! I hear sad News: They say, your Father is return'd.

Oct.

Alas! 'Tis true, and I am the most unfortunate person in the World; but 'tis not my own misery that I consider, but yours: How can you bear those wants to which we must be both reduc'd?

Clar.

Love shall teach me, that can make all things easie to us, which is a sign it is the chiefest good: But I have other Cares; Will you be ever constant? Shall not your Father's Severity con∣strain you to be false?

Oct.

Never, my dearest, never.

Clar.

They that love much, may be allow'd some fears.

Scap.

Come, come; we have now no time to hear you speak fine tender things to one another: Pray do you prepare to encoun∣ter with your Father.

Clar.

I tremble at the thoughts of it.

Scap.

You must appear resolute at first: Tell him you can live without troubling him; threaten him to turn Souldier; or what will frighten him worse, say, you'll turn Poet. Come, I'll war∣rant you, we bring him to Composition.

Oct.

What would I give 'twere over?

Scap.

Let us practise a little what you are to do. Suppose me your Father, very grave and very angry.

Oct.

Well.

Scap.

Do you look very carelesly, like a small Courtier upon his Country Acquaintance; a little more surlily:—Very well:—Now I come full of my Fatherly Authority.— Octavian, Thou makest me weep to see thee; but alas they are not tears of joy, but tears of sorrow. Did ever so good a Father beget so lewd a Son? Nay, but for that I think•• thy Mother Ver∣tuous, I should pronounce thou art not mine; Newgate-Bird, Rogue, Villain, what a Trick hast thou play'd me in my absence? Marry'd? Yes: but to whom? Nay that thou ••knowest not. I'•• warrant you some Waiting-Woman corrupted in a Civil Family, and redu••'d to one of the Play-Houses, remov'd from thence by some Keeping Coxcomb, or—

Cla.

Hold Scapin, Hold—

Scap.

No offence Lady, I speak but anothers words.

Thou abominable Rascal, thou shall not have a groat, not a groat. Besides, I will break all thy bones ten times over; get thee out of my house—Why Sir, you reply not a word, but stand as bashfully, as a Girl that's examin'd by a Bawdy Judge, about a Rape.

Oct.

Look yonder comes my Father.

Scap.

Stay Shift, and get you two gone, let me alone to manage the old fellow.

[Exit-Oct. and Clara.

Enter Thrifty.

Th.

Was there ever such a rash action?

Scap.

He has been inform'd of the Business, and is now so full of it, that he vents it to himself.

Th.

I would fain hear what they can say for themselves.

Scap.

We are not unprovided.

[At a distance.

Th.

Will they be so Impudent to deny the thing?

Scap.

We never int••nd it.

Th.

Or will they endeavour to excuse it?

Scap.

That perhaps we may doe.

Th.

But all shall be in vain.

Scap.

We'l try that.

Th.

I know how to lay that Rogue my Son fast.

Scap.

That we must prevent.

Th.

And sor that Tat••erdemal••••on 〈◊〉〈◊〉, I'le thrash him to death, I will be three Years a Cudgelling him.

Th.

I wondred he had forgot me so long.

Th.

Oh Oh! Yonder the Rascal is, that brave Governour, he tutor'd my Son finely.

Scap.

Sir, I am overjoyed at your safe return.

Th.

Good mor••ow Scapin, indeed you have followed my In∣structions very exactly, my Son has behaved himself very pru∣dently in my absence, has he not Rascal, has he not?

Scap.

I hope you are very well.

Th.

Very well—Thou sayst not a word Varlet, thou sayst not a word.

Scap.

Had you a good Voyage Mr. Thrifty?

Th.

Lord Sir! A very good Voyage, pray give a Man a little leave to vent his Choler.

Scap.

Would you be in Choler Sir?

Th.

Ay, Sir, I would be in Choler.

Scap.

Pray with whom?

Th.

With that confounded Rogue there.

Scap.

Upon what reason?

Th.

Upon what reason? hast thou not heard what hath hap∣pened in my abscence.

Scap.

I have heard a little Idle story.

Th.

A little Idle story. Quoth a •• why Man, my Son's undone, my Son's undone.

Scap.

Come, come, things have not been well carried, but I would advise you to make no more of it.

Th.

I am not of your opinion, I'le make the whole Town ring of it.

Scap.

Lord Sir, I have stormed about this business as much as you can do for your Heart, but what are we both the bet∣ter? I told him indeed, Mr. Octavian, you do not do well, to wrong so good a Father: I preached him three or four times asleep, but all would not do, ••till at last, when I had well examined the Business I found you had not so much wrong done you as you Imagine.

Th.

How not wrong done me to have my Son married without my consent to a Beggar!

Scap.

Alas he was ordained to it.

Th.

That's fine indeed, we shall steal, cheat, murder, and so be hang'd, then say we were ordained to it.

Scap.

Truly I did not think you so subtile a Phylosopher, I mean he was fatally engaged in this affair.

Th.

Why did he Engage himself?

Scap.

Very true indeed, very true; but fie upon you now, would you have him as wise as your self, young men will have their follies, witness my charge Leander; who has gon and thrown away himself at a stranger rate then your Son. I would fain know if you were not once young your self; yes I warrant you, and had your frailties.

Th.

Yes, but they never cost me any thing; a man may be as frail and as wicked as he please, if it cost him nothing.

Scap.

Alas he was so in Love with the young wench, that if he had not had her, he must have certainly hang'd himself;

Sh.

Must! why he had already done it, But that I came very seasonably and cut the rope.

Th.

Didst thou cut the rope, Dog? 'Ile Murther thee for that thou shouldest have let him hang.

Scap.

Besides, her Kindred surprized him with her, and forc't him to marry her.

Th.

Then should he have presently gone, and protested against the Violence at a Notaries.

Scap.

O Lord Sir, he scorn'd that.

Th.

Then might I easily have disanulled the Martiage.

Scap.

Disanul the marriage.

Th.

Yes.

Scap.

You shall not break the marriage.

Th.

Shall not I break it?

Scap.

No.

Th.

What shall not I claim the priviledge of a Father, and have the Satisfaction for the violence done to my Son?

Scap.

'Tis a thing he will never consent to.

Th.

He will not consent to!

Scap.

No. Would you have him confess he was hector'd into a∣ny thing, that is to declare himself a Coward: Oh fie Sir, one that has Honour of being your Son, can never do such a thing.

Th.

Pish, ta••k not to me of Honour, he shall do it or be dis-in∣herited.

Scap.

Who shall dis-inherit him?

Th.

That will I Sir.

Scap.

You dis-inherit him! very good.

Th.

How very good?

Scap.

You shall not dis-inherit him.

Th.

Shall not I dis-inherit him?

Scap.

No.

Th.

No!

Scap.

No.

Th.

Sir, you are very merry; I shall not disinherit my Son?

Scap.

No I tell you.

Th.

Pray who shall hinder me?

Scap.

Alas Sir, your own self Sir; your own self.

Th.

I my self?

Scap.

Yes Sir, for you can never have the Heart to do it.

Th.

You shall find I can Sir.

Scap.

Come you deceive your self, Fatherly affection must show it self, it must, it must; do not I know you were ever tender hear∣ted.

Th.

Y'are mistaken Sir, Y'are mistaken:—Pish, why do I spend my time in tittle tattle with this Idle fellow?—Hang-dog go find out my rake-hell—

[to Shift.

whil'st I go to my Brother Gripe and Inform him of my misfor∣tune.

Scap.

In the mean time if I can do you any service.—

Th.

Oh! I thank you Sir, I thank you.—

[Exit Thrift.

Shift.

I must confess thou art a brave Fellow, and our affairs be∣gin to be in a better posture—but the money, the money—we are abominable poor, and my Master has lean Vigilant dunns that torment him more than an old Mother does a poor Gallant, when she solicits a maintenance for her discarded Daughter.

Scap.

Your money shall be my next care—let me see, I want a fellow to—Canst thou not Counterfeit a roaring Bully of Alsatia? —Stalk—look big—very well. Follow me, I have ways to dis∣guise thy voice and countenance.

Sh.

Pray take a little care and lay your plot so that I may not act the Bully all wayes, I would not be beaten like a Bully.

Scap.

We'l share the danger, we'l share the danger.

Exeunt.