The souldiers fortune a comedy, acted by Their Royal Highnesses servants at the Duke's Theatre / written by Thomas Otway.

ACT. II (Book 2)

Enter Sir Jolly, Beaugard, Courtine, and ••ourbin.

Court.

SIR Iolly is the glory of the Age.

Sir Iol.

Nay now, Sir, you honour me too far.

Beang.

He's the delight of the young, and wonder of the old.

Sir Iol.

I swear Gentlemen you make me blush.

Gour.

He deserves a Statue in Gold, at the charge of the Kingdom.

Sir Iol.

Out upon't, fye for shame: I protest I'll leave your com∣company if you talk so; but faith they were pure Whores, daintily dutiful Strumpets, ha! udds-bud, they'd—have stript for t'other Bottle.

Beau.

Truly, Sir Iolly, you are a man of very extraordinary disci∣pline, I never saw Whores under better command in my life.

Sir Ioll.

Pish, that's nothing man, nothing, I can send for forty better when I please, Doxies that will skip, strip, leap, trip, and do any thing in the world, any thing old Soul.

Gour.

Dear, dear Sir Iolly, where and when?

Sir Iol.

Odd as simply as I stand here her Father was a Knight.

Beau.

Indeed Sir Iolly, a Knight say you?

Sir Iol.

Ay, but a little decay'd, I'll assure you she's a very good Gentlewoman born.

Cour.

Ay, and a very good Gentlewoman bred too.

Sir Iol.

Ay, and so she is.

Beau.

But Sir Iolly, how goes my business forward, when shall I have a view of the quarry I am to fly at?

Sir Iol.

Alas a day, not so hasty, soft and fair I beseech you, ah my little Son of thunder, if thou hadst her in thy arms now between a pair of sheets, and I under the Bed to see fair play Boy, gemini! what wou'd become of me? What wou'd become of me? there would be doings, oh Lawd, I under the bed!

Beau.

Or behind the hangings, Sir Iolly, would not that do as well.

Sir Iol.

Ah no, under the bed against the world, and then it would be very dark, hah!

Beau.

Dark to chuse.

Sir Iol.

No, but a little light would do well, a small glimmering Lamp, just enough for me to steel a peep by; oh lamentable! oh lamentable, I won't speak a word more, there would be a trick! oh rare you friend, oh rare! odds so not a word more, odds so yon∣der comes the Monster that must be the Cuckold Elect, step step a∣side and observe him, if I shou'd be seen in your company, 'twoud spoil all.

Beau.

For my part I'll stand the meeting of him, one way to promote a good understanding with a Wife, is first to get acquaint∣ed with her Husband.

Enter Sir David.

Sir Dav.

Well of all blessings, a discreet Wife is the greatest that

can light upon a man of years: had I been married to any thing but an•• Angel now, what a Beast had I been by this time, well I am the happiest old Fool! 'tis an horrid Age that we live in, so that an honest man can keep nothing to himself; if you have a good estate, every cove••ous Rogue'ls longing for 〈◊〉〈◊〉 (truly I love a good estate dearly my self;) if you have a handsome Wife, every smooth••ac'd Coxcomb will be combing and cocking at her, flesh-••lies are not so troublesome to the shambles, as those sort of Insects are to the Boxes in the Play-house: But vertue is a great blessing, an unvaluable trea∣sure, to tell me her self that a Villain had tempted her, and give me the very Picture, the inchantment that he sent to bewitch her, it strikes me dumb with admiration; here's the Villain in effigie. [Pulls out the Picture] Odd a very handsome fellow, a dangerous Rogue I'll warrant him, such fellows as these now should be fetter'd like unruly Colts, that they might not leap into other mens pastures; here's a Nose now, I cou'd find in my heart to cut it off, damn'd Dog, to dare to presume to make a Cuckold of a Knight! bless us what will this world come to! well poor Sir David down, down, on thy knees and thank thy stars for this deliverance.

Beau.

'Sdeath what's that I see? Sure 'tis the very Picture which I sent by Sir Iolly, if so, by this light, I am damnably Jilted.

Sir Da.

But now if.—

Beau.

Surely he does not see us yet.

Four.

See you, Sir, why he has but one eye, and we are on his blind side; I'll dumb found him.

[Strikes him on the shoulder.

Sir Da.

Who the Divels this? Sir, Sir, Sir, who are you Sir?

Beau.

Ay, ay, 'tis the same, now a pox of all amorous adventures, 'sdeath I'll go beat the impertinent pimp that drew me into this fooling.

Sir Da.

Sir, methinks you are very curious.

Beau.

Sir, perhaps I have an extraordinary reason to be so.

Sir Da.

And perhaps, Sir, I care not for you, nor your Reasons neither.

Beau.

Sir, if you are at leisure, I would beg the Honour to speak with you.

Sir Da.

With me, Sir? What's your business with me?

Beau.

I wou'd not willingly be troublesome; though it may be I am so at this time.

Sir Da.

It may be so too, Sir.

Beau.

But to be known to so worthy a Person as you are, would be so great an honour, so extraordinary a happiness, that I could not avoid taking this opportunity of tend'ring you my Ser∣vice.

Sir Da.

Smooth Rogue, who the Divel is this fellow?

(Aside.)

But Sir, you were pleased to nominate business Sir, I desire with what

speed you can to know your business, Sir, that I may go about my busi∣ness.

Beau.

Sir, if I might with good manners, I should be glad to in∣form my self, whose picture that is which you have in your hand, methinks it is very fine painting.

Sir Da.

Picture, Friend, picture! Sir, 'tis the resemblance of a very impudent fellow, they call him Captain Beaugard forsooth, but he is in short a rakehell, a poor louzy beggarly disbanded devil, do you know him friend?—

Beau.

I think I have heard of such a vagabond, the truth on't is he is a very impudent fellow.

Sir Da.

Ay, a dam'd Rogue.

Beau.

Oh a notorious scoundrel!

Sir Da.

I expect to hear he's hang'd by next Sessions.

Beau.

The truth on't is, he has deserv'd it long ago; but did you ever see him, Sir David.

Sir Da.

Sir—does he know me?

[Aside.

Beau.

Because I fancy that Mignature is very like him, pray Sir, whence had it you?—

[Compares the Picture with Beaugard's Face.

Sir Da.

Had it, Friend? had it! whence had it I—bless us▪ what have I done now this the very Traytour himself, if he should be desperate now, and put his sword in my guts!—s••itting my nose will be as bad as that, I have but one eye left neither, and may be—oh but this is the Kings Court, odd tha's well remember'd he dares not but be ••ivil here; I'll try to out-huff him, whence had it you?

Beau.

Ay, Sir, whence had it you? that's English in my Countrie, Sir.

Sir Da.

Go, Sir, you are a Rascal.

Beau.

How!

Sir Da.

Sir, I say, you are a Rascal, a very impudent Rascal, nay, I'll prove you to be a Rascal, if you go to that—

Beau.

Sir, I am a Gentleman and a Souldier.

Sir Da.

So much the worse, Souldiers have been Cuckold makers from the beginning; Sir, I care not what you are; for ought I know you may be a—come Sir, did I never see you? answer me to that did I never see you? for ought I know you may be a Jesuit; there were more in the last armie beside you.

Beau.

Of your acquaintance, and be hang'd!

Sir Da.

Yes to my knowledge, there were several at Hounslow Heath disguised in dirtie Petticoats, and cry'd Brandy, I knew a Serjeant of foot that was familier with one of them all night in a Ditch, and fancy'd him a woman, but the Devil is powerful.

Beau.

In short, you worthy Villain of Worship, that picture is mine, and I must have it, or I shall take an opp••rtunity to kick your Wor∣ship most inhumanly.

Sir Da.

Kick Sir,

Beau.

Ay, Sir, kick, 'tis a recreation I can shew you.

Sir Da.

Sir, I am a free born Subject of England, and there are Laws, look you, there are Laws; so I say you are a Rascal again, and now how will you help your self? poor Fool!

Beau.

Heark you Friend, have not you a Wife?

Sir Da.

I have a Lady, Sir—oh and she's mightily taken with this Picture of yours, she was so mightily proud of it, she could not forbear shewing it me, and telling too who 'twas sent it her.

Beau.

And has she bin long a Gilt? has she practised the Trade for any time?

Sir Da.

Trade! humph, what Trade! what Trade? Friend?

Beau.

Why the Trade of Whore and no Wh••re, Catterwauling in jest, putting out Christian Colours, when she's a Turk under Deck: A curse upon all honest women in the flesh, that are Whores in the Spirit.

Sir Da.

Poor Divil, how he rails, ha, ha, ha, look you sweet Soul, as I told you before, there are laws, there are laws, but those are things not worthy your consideration: Beautie's your business; but dear vagabond trouble thy self no further about my Spouse, let my Doxie rest in peace, she's meat for thy Master, old boy; I have my belly full of her every Night.

Beau.

Sir, I wish all your noble Family hang'd from the bottom of my heart.

Sir Da.

Moreover Captain Swash I must tell you my Wife is an honest Woman, of a vertuous disposition, one that I have loved from her ••nfancy, and she deserves it by her faithful dealing in this affair, for that she has discover'd loyally to me the treacherous designs laid against her Chastity, and my Honour.

Beau.

By this light the Beast weeps.

Sir Da.

Truly I cannot but weep for Joy; to think how happy I am in a sincere faithful and loving Yoke-fellow, she charg'd me too to tell you into the bargain, that she is sufficiently satisfied of the most se∣cret wishes of your heart.

Beau.

I am glad on't.

Sir Da.

And that 'tis her desire, that you wou'd trouble your self no more about the matter.

Beau.

With all my heart.

Sir Da.

But henceforward behave your self with such dis∣cretion as becomes a Gentleman.

Beau.

Oh to be sure most exactly!

Sir Da.

And let her alone to make the best use of those innocent Freedoms I allow her without putting her reputation in hazzard.

Beau.

As how I beseech you—

Sir Da.

By your impertinent and unseasonable address.

Beau.

And this news you bring me by a particular commission from your sweet Lady.

Sir Dav.

Yea Friend I do, and she hopes you'l be sensible, Dear heart, of her good meaning by it: these were her very words, I nei∣ther add nor diminish, for plain d••aling is my Mistresses Friend.

Beau.

Then all the Curses I shall think on this twelve-month light on her, and as many more on the next Fool that gives credit to the Sex.

Sir Dav.

Well, certainly I am the happiest Toad; how melan∣choly the Munkey stands now? Poor Pug hast thou lost her?

Beau.

To be so sordid a Jilt, to betray me to such a Beast as that, can she have any good thoughts of such a Swine? Dam her, had she abus'd me handsomly it had never ••ext me.

Sir Dav.

Now Sir with your permission I'l take my leave.

Beau.

Sir, If you were gon to the Devil, I shou'd think you very well dispos'd of.

Sir Dav.

If you have any Letter, or other commendation to the Lady that was so charm'd with your Resemblance there, it shall be very faithfully conveyed by—

Beau.

Fool.

Sir Dav.

Your humble Servant Sir, I'm gon, I shall disturb you no further, your most humble Servant Sir.

[Exit.

Beau.

Now Poverty, Plague, Pox and Prison fall thick upon the head of thee Fourbin.

Fourb.

Sir!—

Beau.

Thou hast been an extraordinary Rogue in thy time.

Fourb.

I hope I haue lost nothing in your Honours service Sir.

Beau.

Find cut some way to revenge me on this old Rascal, and if I do not make thee a Gentleman.—

Fourb.

That you have been pleas'd to do long ago, I thank you; for I am sure you have not left me one shilling in my pocket these two Months.

Beau.

Here, here's for thee to Revel withall.

Fourb.

Will your Honour please to have his Throat cut?

Beau.

With all my heart.

Fourb.

Or would you have him decently hang'd at his own door, and then give out to the World he did it himself?

Beau.

That wou'd do very well.

Fourb.

Or I think [to proceed with more safety] a good stale Jakes were a very pretty expedient.

Beau.

Excellent, excellent Fourbin.

Fourb.

Leave matters to my discretion, and if I do not—

Exit.

Beau.

I know thou wilt, go, go about it, prosper and be famous: now e're I dare venture to meet Courtin again. will I go by my self, rail for an hour or two, and then be good company.

Exit.

Enter Courtine and Silvia.

Silv.

Take my word Sir, you had better give this business over, I tell you there's nothing in the World turns my Stomack so much as the man, that man that makes Love to me. I never saw one of your Sex in my life make love, but he lookt so like an Ass all the while, that I blusht for him.

Court.

I am afraid your Ladyship then is one of those dangerous Creatures they call She-wits, who are always so mightily taken with admiring themselves: that nothing else is worth their notice.

Sylv.

Oh! who can be so dull not to be ravisht with that royste∣rous mein of yours? that russling Ayr in your gate, that seems to cry where e're you go, make room, here comes the Captain: that Face the which bids defiance to the Weather; bless us! if I were a poor Farmers wife in the Country now, and you wanted Quarters, how would it fright me? But as I am young, not very ugly, and one you never saw before, how lovingly it looks upon me.

Court.

Who can forbear to sigh, look pale and languish, where Beauty and wit unite both their forces to enslave a heart so tracta∣ble as mine is. First, for that modish swim of your Body, the victo∣rious motion of your Arms and Head, the toss of your Fan, the glancing of the Eyes, bless us! If I were a dainty fine drest Cox∣comb with a great Estate and a little or no wit, vanity in abundance, and good for nothing, how would they m••lt and soften me? but as I am a scandalous honest Rascal, not Fool enough to be your sport, nor rich enough to be your prey, how glotingly they look upon me!—

Silv.

Alas, alas! What pity 'tis your honesty should ever do you hurt, or your wit spoil your preferment.

Court.

Just as much fair Lady, as that your Beauty should make you be envi••d at, or your Vertue provoke scandal.

Silv.

Well the more I look, the more I'm in love with you.

Court.

The more I look, the more I am out of Love with you.

Silv.

How my heart swels when I see you!

Court.

How my Stomach rises when I'm near you!

Silv.

Nay, then let's bargain.

Court.

With all my heart, what?

Silv.

Not to fall in love with each other, I assure you Monsiour Captain.

Court.

But to hate one another constantly and cordially.

Silv.

Always when you are drunk, I desire you to talk scanda∣lously of me.

Court.

Ay, and when I am sober too, in return whereof when e're you see a coquet of your acquaintance, and I chance to be named, be sure you spit at the ••ilthy remembrance, and rail at me as if you lov'd me.

Silv.

In the next place, when e're we meet in the Mall, I desire you to humph, put out your Tongue, make ugly mouths, laugh aloud, and look back at me.

Court.

Which if I chance to do, be sure at next turning to pick up some tawdry sluttering Fop or another.

Silv.

That I made acquaintance with all at the Musique-meeting.

Court.

Right, Just such another Spark to saunter by your side with his Hat under his Arm.

Silv.

Hearkning to all the bitter things I can say to be revenged:

Court.

Whilst the dull Rogue dare not so much as grin to oblige you, for fear of being beaten for it, when he is out of his waiting.

Silv.

Counterfeit your Letters from me.

Court.

And you to be even with me for the scandal, publish to all the World I offered to marry you.

Silv.

Oh hideous marriage'

Court.

Horrid, horrid marriage!

Silv.

Name, name no more of it.

Court.

At that sad word let's part.

Silv.

Let's wish all men decrepid, dull and sill••y

Court.

And every woman old and ugly.

Silv.

Adieu!—

Court.

Farewell!—

Enter a young fellow, affectedly drest, several others with him.

Silv.

Ah me, Mr. Frisk.!

Frisk. Madamoisel, Silvia!

sincerely as I hope to be sav'd, the Devil take me, Dam me Madam, who's that?

Silv.

Ha, ha, ha, hea.

[Exit with Frisk.

Court.

True to thy failings always Woman, how naturally is the Sex fond of a Rogue! What a Monster was that for a Woman to de∣light in, now must I love her still, tho I know I am a Blockhead for't, and she'l use me like a block-head too, if I don't prevent her: what's to be done? I'l have three Whores a day, to keep Love out of my head.

Enter Beaugard.

Beaugard will met again, how go matters? Handsomly!

Beau.

Oh very handsomly! had you but seen how hadsomly I was us'd just now, you would swear so, I have heard thee rail in my time, wou'd thou wouldst exercise thy talent a little at present.

Court.

At what?

Beau.

Why canst thou over want a subject! rail at thy self, rail at me, I deserve to be raild at, see there, what thinkest thou of that Engine, that moving lump of filthiness miscall'd a Man.

[A Clumsie fellow marches over the Stage drest like an Officer.

Court.

Curse on him for a Rogue, I know him.

Beau.

So▪

Court.

The Rascal was a Retailer of Ale but yesterday, and now he is an Officer and be hang'd; 'tis a dainty sight in a morning to see him with his Toes turn'd in, drawing his Leggs after him, at the head of a hundred lusty Fellows, some honest Gentleman or other stays ••ow, because that Dog had money to bribe some corrupt Collo∣nel withal.

Enter another gravely drest.

Beau.

There, there's another of my acquaintance, he was my Fa∣thers Footman not long since, and has pimpt for me oftner than he pray'd for himself; that good quality recommended him to a noble mans service, which together with ••lattering, fawning, lying, spy∣ing and informing, has rais'd him to an imployment of trust and re∣putation, though the Rogue can't write his ••ame, nor read his neck Verse, if he had occasion.

Court.

'Tis as unreasonable to expect a man of Sense should be prefer'd, as 'tis to think a Hector can be stout, a Priest religious, a fair Woman chast, or a pardon'd Rebel loyal.

Enter two more seeming earnestly in discourse.

Beau.

That's seasonably thought on, look there, observe but that Fellow on the right hand, the Rogue with the busiest Face of the two, I'l tell thee his History.

Court.

I hope hanging will be the end of his History, so well I like him at the first sight.

Beau.

He was born a Vagabond, and no Parish own'd him, his Father was as obscure as his Mother publick, every body knew her, and no body could guess at him.

Court.

He comes of a very good Family, heaven be prais'd.

Beau.

The first thing he chose to rise by, was Rebellion, so a Rebel he grew, and ••••ourisht a Rebel, fought against his King, and helpt to bring him to the Block:

Court.

And was he not Religious too?

Beau.

Most devoutly! He could pray till he cry'd, and preach till he foam'd, which excellent Tallent made him popular, and at last prefer'd him to be a worthy Member of that never to be for∣gotten Rump Parliament.

Court.

Tray Sir be uncovered at that, and remember it with Re∣verence.

Beau.

In short, he was Committee man, Sequestrator and perse∣cutor General of a whole County, by which he got enough at the Kings Return to secure himself in the general Pardon.

Court.

Naufeous Vermin: That such a Swine with the mark of Rebellion in his Forehead, should wallow in his Luxury whilst ho∣nest men are ••orgotten!

Beau.

Thus forgiven, thus rais'd, and made thus happy, the un∣grateful Slave disowns the hand that healed him, cherishes Factions to affront his Master, and once more would Rebel against the Head, which so lately saved his from a Pole.

Court.

What a dreadful Beard and swinging Sword he wears▪

Beau.

'Tis to keep his Cowardize in countenance, the Rascal will endure kicking most temperately for all that, I know five or six more of the same stamp; that never came abroad without terrible long Spits by their sides, with which they will let you bore their own Noses if you please, but let the Villain be forgotten.

Court.

His Co-Rogue I have some knowledge of, he's a tatt••r'd worm-eaten Case-putter, some call him Lawyer, one that takes it very ill he is not made a Judg.

Beau.

Yes, and is always repineing that men of parts are not re∣garded.

Court.

He has been a great noise-maker in factious Clubs these seven years, and now I suppose is courting that Worshipful Rascal to make him Recorder of some factious Town.

Beau.

To teach Tallow-chandlers and Chees-mongers how far they may rebel against their King by vertue of Magna Chart••

Court.

But friend Beaugard methinks thou art very spleenatick of a sudden, how goes the affair of Love foreward, prosperously hah!

Beau.

Oh I assure you most Triumphantly, Just now you must know I am parted with the sweet civil inchanted Ladies Husband.

Court.

Well and what says the Cuckold is he very kind and good natur'd as Cuckolds use to be?

Beau.

Why he says, Courtine in short, that I am a very silly fel∣low, (and truly I am very apt to believe him) and that I have been Jilted in this affair most unconscionably, a Plague on all P••mps, say, a mans business never thrives so well, as when he is his own Sollicitor.

Enter Sir Iolly and Boy.

Sir Iolly.

Hist▪ hist. Capt. Capt. Capt. Boy.

Boy.

Sir.

Sir Iolly.

Run and get two Chairs presently, besure you get two Chairs, Sirrah, do you here? here's luck, here's luck, now or never Capt. never if not now Captain! here's luck.

Beau.

Sir Iolly, no more adventures sweet Sir Iolly, I am like to have a very sine time o••'t truly.

Sir Iolly▪

The best in the World dear Dog, the very best in the

World,'s bud she's here hard by man, stays on purpose for thee finely disguis'd, the Cuckold has lost her too; and no body knows any thing of the matter but I, no body but I, and I you must know, I am I, hah! and I you little Toad, hah!

Beau.

You are a very fine Gentleman.

Sir Iolly.

The best natur'd Fellow in the World I believe of my years! now does my heart so thump for fear this business should miscarry; why I'l warrant thee, the Lady is here man, she's all thy own, 'tis thy own fault if thou art not in terra incognita within this half hour: come along prithee come along, fie for shame, what make a Lady loose her longing, come along I say, you—out upon't.

Beau.

Sir your humble, I shan't stir.

Sir Iolly.

What? not go!

Beau.

No Sir, no Lady for me.

Sir Iolly.

Not go! I should laugh at that Faith.

Beau.

No, I will assure you, not go Sir.

Sir Iolly.

Away you Wag, you jest, you jest you wag; not go quotha?

Beau.

No Sir, not go I tell you, what the Devil would you have more.

Sir Iolly.

Nothing, nothing Sir, but I am a Gentleman.

Beau.

With all my heart.

Sir Iolly.

And do you think then that I'l be us'd thus.

Beau.

Sir!

Sir Iolly.

Take away my Reputation and take away my Life; I shall be disgrac't for ever.

Beau.

I have not wrong'd you Sir Iolly.

Sir Iolly.

Not wrong'd me! But you shall find you have wrong'd me, and wrong'd a sweet Lady, and a fine Lady:—I shall ne∣ver be trusted again! never have employment more! I shall dye of the Spleen—prithee now be good natur'd, prithee be perswaded, od I'l give thee this Ring, I'l give thee this Watch, 'tis Gold, I'l give thee any thing in the World, go.

Beau.

Not one Foot Sir.

Sir Iolly.

Now that I durst but murder him—well, shall I fetch her to thee? What shall I do for thee?

Enter Lady Dunce.

'Ods fish here she comes her self, now you ill natur'd Chunl, now you Devil, look upon her, do but look upon her, what shall I say to her?

Beau.

E'en what you please Sir Iolly.

Sir Iolly.

'tis a very strange Monster this—Madam this is the Gentleman, that's he, though (as one may say) he's something bashful, but I'l tell him who you are

[goes to Beaugard.

If thou art not more cruel then Leopards, Lyone, Tygers, Wolves, or Tarters don't break my Heart, don't kill me, this unkindness of thine goes to the Soul of me.

[goes to the Lady.

Madam, he says, he's so amazed at your Triumphant Beauty, that he dares not approach the excellence that shines from you.

Lady D.

What can be the meaning of all this?

Sir Iolly.

Art thou then resolv'd to be remorseless? canst thou be insensible, hast thou Eyes? hast thou a Heart? hast thou any thing thou should'st have? cdd I'l tickle thee, get you to her you Fool, get you to her, to her; to her, to her, ha, ha, ha.

Lady D.

Have you forgot me Beaugard?

Sir Iolly.

So now to her agen I say, to her, to her and be hang'd, Ah Rogue! Ah Rogue! now, now, have at her, now have at her, there it goes, their it goes, Hey—Boys!—

Lady D.

Methinks this Face should not so much be alter'd, as to be nothing like what once I thought it, the object of your Pleasure and subject of your Praises.

Sir Iolly.

Cunning Toad! Wheadling Jade! you shall see now how by degrees she'l draw him into the Whirl pool of Love, now he leers upon her, now he deers upon her, Oh law! there's Eyes! there's your Eyes! I must pinch him by the Calf of the Legg.

Beau.

Madam, I must confess I do remember, that I had once ac∣quaintance with a Face, whose Air and Beauty much resembled yours, and if I may trust my Heart, you are call'd Clarianda.

Lady D.

Clarinda. I was call'd till my ill Fortune Wedded me, now you may have heard of me by another Title, your friend there I suppose, has made nothing a secret to you.

Beau.

And are you then that kind inchanted fair one who was so passionately in Love with my Picture, that you could not forbear be∣traying me to the Beast your Husband, and wrong the Passion of a Gentleman that languisht for you, only to make your Monster merry, hark you Madam, had your fool bin worth it, I had beaten him, and have a Months mind to be exercising my parts that way up∣on your go between, your Male-Bawd there.

Sir Iolly.

Ah Lord! Ah Lord! All's spoyl'd agen, all's ruin'd. I shall be undone for ever, why what a Devil is the matter now? what have I done? what sins have I committed.

Lady D.

And are you that passionate Adorer of our Sex? who cannot Live a Week in London without Loving, are you the Spark that send y••u Picture up and down to longing Ladies, longing for a pattern of your Person.

Beau.

Yes Madam when I receive so good H••stages as these are

[shows the Gold.

that it shall be well us'd, cou'd you find out no body but me to play the Fool withal.

Sir Iolly.

A lack a day!

Lady D.

Could you pitch upon no Body but that wretched Wo∣man, that has loved you too well to abuse you thus?

Sir Iolly.

Thatever I was Born!

Beau.

Here, here Madam, I'l return you your dirt, I scorn your Wages, as I do your Service.

Lady D.

Fye for shame what refund? That is not like a Souldier to refund, keep, keep it to pay your Sempstress withal.

Sir Iolly.

His Sempstress, who the Devil is his Sempstress? Odd what wou'd I give to know that now!

Lady D.

There was a Ring too, which I sent you this Afternoon, if that fit not your Finger, you may dispose of it some other way, where it may give no occasion of Scandal, and you'l do well.

Beau.

A Ring Madam!

Lady D.

A small triffl••, I suppose Sir David deliver'd it to you when he return'd you your Mignature.

Beau.

I beseech you Madam!

Lady D.

Farewel you Traytor.

Beau.

As I hope to be sav'd, and upon the word of a Gentleman.

Lady D.

Go you are a falfe ungrateful Brute, and trouble me no more.

[Exit.

Beau.

Sir Iolly, Sir Iolly, Sir Iolly.

Sir Iolly.

Ah thou Rebel!

Beau.

Some advice, some advice, dear Friend e're I'm ruin'd.

Sir Iolly.

Ev'n two pennyworth of Hemp for your Honours sup∣per that's all the remedy that I know.

Beau.

But pri••hee hear a little reason.

Sir Iolly.

No Sir I ha' done, no more to be said, I ha' done, I am asham'd of you, I'l have no more to say to you, I'l never see your Face again, good b'w'y.

[Exit. Sir Iolly.

Beau.

Death and the Devil, what have my Stars been doing to day! a Ring!—deliver'd by Sir David!—what can that mean? —Pox on her for a Jilt, she lies, and has a mind to amuse and laugh at me a day or two longer, hist▪ here comes her Beast once more; I'I use him Civilly, and try what Discovery I can make.

[Enter Sir Davy Dunce.]

Sir Da.

Ha, ha, ha! here's the Captains Jewel, very well: In troth I had like to have forgotten it, Ha, ha, ha,—how damnable Mad he'l be now, when I shall deliver him his Ring again, ha ha!— Poor Dog he'l hang himself at least, ha, ha, ha,—Faith, 'tis a very pretty Stone, and finely set: Humph! if I should keep it now!— I'll say I have lost it, no I'l give it him again, o' purpose to vex him, ha, ha, ha.

Beau.

Sir David, I am heartily sorrie.

Sir Da.

Oh Sir, 'tis you I was seeking for, ha, ha, ha, what shall I say to him now to terrifie him?

Beau.

Me, Sir!—

Sir Da.

Ay, you Sir, if your name be Captain Beaugard: how like a Fool he looks already?—

Beaug.

What you please, Sir.

Sir Da.

Sir, I should speak a word with you, if you think fit, what shall I do now to keep my countenance.

Beau.

Can I be so happy, Sir, as to be able to serve you in any thing.

Sir Da.

No Sir, ha, ha, ha, I have commands of service to you Sir, oh Lord! ha, ha, ha.

Beau.

Me, Sir.

Sir Da.

Ay Sir, you Sir, but put on your hat, Friend, put on your hat, be cover'd.

Beau.

Sir, will you please to sit down on this bank?

Sir Da.

No, no, there's no need, no need, for all I have a young Wife I can stand upon my legs, Sweet-heart.

Beau.

Sir, I beseech you!

Sir Da.

By no means, I think friend, we had some hard words just now, 'twas about a paultry baggage, but she's a pretty baggage and a witty baggage, and a baggage that—

Beau.

Sir, I am heartily asham'd of all misdemeanour on my side.

Sir Da.

You do well, though are not you a damn'd Whore-master, a devilish Cuckold-making fellow? here, here, do you see this? here's the Ring you sent a Roguing; Sir, do you think my Wife wants any thing that you can help her too?—Why I'll warrant this Ring cost fifty pound: What a prodigal Fellow are you to throw a way so much monie; or didst thou steal it old Boy? I believe thou maist be poor I'll lend thee money upon't, if thou thinkst fit at thirty in the hundred, because I love thee, ha, ha, ha.

Beau.

Sir, your humble Servant, I am sorry 'twas not worth your Ladies acceptance, now what a dog am I!

Sir Da.

I should have given it thee before, but faith I forgot it, though it was not my Wives fault in the least, for she says as thou likest this usage, she hopes to have thy custom again Child; ha, ha, ha.

Beau.

Then Sir, I beseech you tell her, that you have made a Con∣vert on me, and that I am so sensible of my insolent behaviour to∣wards her—

Sir Da.

Very well, I shall do it.

Beau.

That 'tis impossible I shall ever be at peace with my self till I find some way how I may make her reparation.

Sir Da.

Very good, ha, ha, ha.

Beau.

And that if ever she find me guilty of the like offence again.

Sir Da.

No Sir, you had not best, proceed, ha, ha, ha.

Beau.

Let her banish all good opinion of me for ever.

Sir Da.

No more to be said, your Servant, good b'w'y.

Beau.

One word more, I beseech you, Sir Davy.

Sir Da.

What's that?

Beau.

I beg you tell her that the generous reproof she has given me has so wrought upon me—

Sir Da.

Well, I will:

Beau.

That I esteem this Jewel, not only as a wreck redeem'd from my folly, but that for her sake I will preserve it to the utmost moment of my life.

Sir Da.

With all my heart, I vow and swear.

Beau.

And that I long to convince her I am not the Brute she might mistake me for.

Sir Da.

Right; well, this will make the purest sport,

(Aside;)

let me see, first you acknowledge your self to be a very impudent Fel∣low.

Beau.

I do so, Sir.

Sir Da.

And that you shall never be at rest, till you have satisfi'd my Lady.

Beau.

Right, Sir.

Sir Da.

Satisfi'd her, very good, ha, ha, ha, and that you will ne∣ver play the fool any more, be sure you keep your word, Friend.

Beau.

Never, Sir.

Sir Da.

And that you will keep that Ring for her sake, as long as you live, hah!—

Beau.

To the day of my death, I'll assure you.

Sir Da.

I protest that will be very kindly done—and that you long mightily, long, to let her understand that you are another guess Fellow than she may take you for.

Beau.

Exactly Sir, that is the sum and end of my desires.

Sir Da.

Well, I'll take care of your business, I'll do your business, I'll warrant you, this will make the purest sport when I come home, no,

(Aside)

Well your Servant, remember, be sure you remember, your Servant.

Beau.

So, now I find a Husband is a delicate instrument rightly made use of;—To make her old jealous Coxcomb pimp for me himself, I think 'tis as worthy an emploiment as such a noble Consort can be put to.

Ah were ye all such Husbands and such Wives, We younger Brothers shou'd lead better lives.