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Pray Charge, thank this Gentleman for his gifts and favours to me.
Governess, let me tell you, that they do themselves a courtesy or
favour that do a courtesy or favour to another; and therefore there needs no thanks.
But Lady you ought to thank me, for coming out of my way so far as I have done to see you.
No truly, for if you came out of your way to see me, if it were for affection, it is a duty to Love, if for gratitude, it 'tis a duty to Obligation, if for civility, it 'tis a duty to Honour, if for Charity, it 'tis a duty to Hea∣ven, and where a duty is due, the owner receives but his own when 'tis paid; wherefore it were a vain and extravagant civility, like unto madness, to give thanks for what is justly their own.
I do confess Lady I am yours, and therefore whatsoever I do, the best of my actions is due to you, and I repent for saying you ought to thank me for comming out of my way to see you, and I crave your pardon for my error, and ask forgiveness for my fault.
I will forgive you, so I may be rid of you, for I love not Compa∣ny but Solitariness.
Sir William Admirer is like Argus, stuck full of Eyes, but Sir William's are the Eyes of fair Ladyes that gaze upon him.
The truth is, when he is in the Company of our Sex, all the wo∣men gaze on him.
They may look if they please, and admire him, but I can assure them he loves and admires but one, which is the Lady Peaceable.
Why, is he in love with the Lady Peaceable?
So much as he is to be married to her within two or three dayes.
I thought he had loved the Lady Faction.
No, no, for he denies that ever he had any Matrimonial love for her.
Will they make a publick wedding?
No, 'tis said the wedding will be kept private.
Where have you been Lady Censurer?
Faith at Court, amongst a Company of Ladyes and their Gallants.
And what was their pastime?
Why Singing, Dancing, Laughing, and Jesting; but I have earned an Angel amongst them.
How prethee?
Although not by the sweat of my brows, yet by the expence of my Spirits.
Prethee tell.
Why the Court Ladyes in a scornfull jesting, for Courtiers love to put persons out of Countenance if they can, prayed me to sing an old Song out of a new Ballad, as knowing my voice fit for no better Songs; but I told them, that if I did sing they should pay me for my pains; for there was never a blind Beggar, or poor young Wench, that sings at a door, but had somthing given them; they told me they would give me a penny, I answe∣red, that when they sung to Gentlemen or Ladyes guts, that they had a shilling at least given them, and unless they would give me twelve pence a∣piece, I would not sing; so they out of a laughing sport, borrowed a Crown of the Gentlemen to give me.
Oh that's the Court fashion, for the women to borrow of the men.
How should they live if they did not so? for in my Conscience they could not have made up twelve pence amongst a douzen of them, not in money; for their Clothes though costly and rich, yet are worn upon trust; but as I said, I was to sing them a Song for my money; so I sung them an old Song, the burden of the Song, Oh women, women, monstrous women, what do you mean for to do? but because the Song was against women, they would have had me given them their money back again, I told them no I would not, for it was lawfull gain for me to keep it, since I gained it by an honest industry, and that those that made a bargain must stick to it; then they told me, that if I would sing them a good old Song, they would give me another Crown; I told them I would have the money in hand, for fear they should dislike my Song when I had sung it, or at least to seem to dislike it, to save their money; so although they were loth, yet at last they borrowed another Crown to give me, thinking it did disgrace me, in that my voyce was fit for nothing but old Ballads, for all their Admirers, and Courtly Servants, or Ser∣vants for Courtship were with them; so then I sung them Doctor Faustus that gave his Soul away to the Devill; for I knew Conjurers and Devills pleased women best.
They fright women.
By your favour, all Conjurers gain more by womens coming to them to know their Fortunes, and for to find out losses, than they do by men; for where one man goeth to a Conjurer or Fortune-teller, their goeth a
hundred women; but as I have told you, I sung the Song of Doctor Faustus.
For my part, I had rather hear a plain old Song, than any Italian, or French Love Songs stuff'd with Trilloes.
That's strange, when as in those Harmonious Songs the wisest Poets, and skillfull'st Musicians, are joyned to make up one Song, and the most excellent voices are chosen to sing them.
I know not, but I am sooner weary to hear a famous and Artifi∣cial Singer sing than they are themselves with singing, for I hate their Quavers, demy, and semy Quavers, their Minnums, Crochets, and the like.
The truth is, I have observed that when an old Ballad is plainly sung, most hearers will lissen with more delight, than to Italian and French Singers, although they sing with art and skill.
The most famous singer in these latter times I have heard in France, it was a woman, and an Italian sent for into France, where she was presented with very rich gifts for her rare singing, yet I durst a-laid my life for a wager, that there were more that could have taken more delight to hear an old Ballad sung, which Ballads are true stories put into verses and set to a Tune, than in all there Italian and French Love whining Songs, and languish∣ing tunes.
Well, but what will you do with your gettings?
Faith I will go home and consider, and the next time I will tell you how I will imploy my ten shillings.
What makes you Booted and Spurred, are you going out of the town?
Yes faith, I am going to a wedding, Swich and Spur.
What, art thou going to be married?
No, I am not so hasty, for though I can spur to another mans wedding, I cannot be spurred to my own.
Whose wedding are you riding to?
To Sir William Admirers, and the Lady Peaceable.
Faith their names and marriage do disagree; for never did Husband after the first Month Admire his VVife, nor a VVife after two Months live Peaceably.
How have you imployed the ten shillings got by singing?
I must tell you, I have been extremely troubled how to imp∣loy it, insomuch as my Mind hath never been at rest; for their hath been such arguing and disputing and contradiction amongst my Thoughts, as I did verily believe there would have been a mutiny in my head: for first I did resolve to put my ten shillings to pious uses, and then I thought to build some Alms Houses, as building one long room like a Gallery, making in it several Partitions, and the outward dores all a-like; these Houses, or rather partitioned rooms, for poor old and infirm persons, that could not work nor beg for their livelyhood, to live in; but when I had well considered, that when I had built my Alms Houses, which is as I said one long Room divided by Partitions, I should have nothing left to maintain them, and they to have only House-room, and have neither Meat, Drink, Clothes, nor Fi∣ling to feed them and to keep them from the injuries of the cold, having neither Fires nor Beds, I thought the Parish wherein they were Born, would better provide for them, so that instead of praying for me, they would Curse me; besides I considered, that after I was dead, had I means to leave an al∣lowance, yet when it came for the Magistrates to chuse, those that should be put in they would leave out, and chuse idle young Huswives, or foul Sluts to dwell therein, such as those Magistrates would visit sometimes, to see what they did want, so as I let that design pass; then I thought to build a Church, and much were my thoughts concerned, whether the Roof should be flat, or vaulted, or sloping; but after I had resolved how the Roof should be, and where the Belfrey and Quest-room, I was sore perplex'd in my Mind, as where or how to place the Pulpit, whether at the East or West end, or at a Corner in the Church, or at one of the sides of the Church close by the Wall, but at last I resolved it should be placed in the midst of the Church, in the very Centre, that the voice of the Minister might spread round to the Circumference, so as all the Congregation might hear him; but when I con∣sidered that when my Church was bnilt there was neither Benefices, Lands, nor Tithes, nor any allowance for the Minister, and that there was none that did or will preach meerly for Gods sake, but for gains sake, as to have a maintenance thereby, or some advancement therefrom, I desisted from that design; then I thought to build a Bedlam, and be the Keeper my self, but I considered that if any of the mad folkes should get loose, they might kill me, besides they stink so horribly, and require so much cleansing, not being capa∣ble of keeping themselves clean, as I resolved not to go forward with that design; then I thought to build a free School, and I to be the chief Tutoress my self, but when I remembred the confused noise the Scholars make read∣ing all at once, that neither I could hear nor they understand what they read, I thought it would be to no purpose, because the Scholars would profit but little by their reading, and then I should be thought an ignorant Tutoress; at last I thought to give my ten shillings to the poor Beggars, but when I con∣sidered the Alms that was given to Beggars did more harm than good,
causing them to be idle and lazy, and incouraged them to go roving and Ro∣guing about, I chang'd my Mind from that Act, but finding I could not imploy my ten shilligns in any pious Act, I thought to imploy it in something to be remembred by, as for Fame, whereupon I resolved to build a Pyramide or Cross, the Pyramide to be vastly high, and the Cross to be gloriously gilt, but then searing a Rebellion, and knowing that in a Rebellion a Confused and su∣perstitious rout, would certainly pull them down to the ground, and that when the Cross or Pyramide was down, I should be utterly forgottten, I de∣sisted from that design; so finding as little imployment for my money to any famous act as to any pious use, I resolved to imploy it to my profit, so then I had a design to set up a Shop of small wares, but when I considered how dead Trading was, and how fast Tradesmen did break, and instead of being inriched became poorer than when first they begun, for to set up a Trade requires some stock, but when they break, they have not only lost their stock, but owe more than ever their stock was, so I went from that design; then I intended to buy me a parcell of Land with my ten shillings, but hearing there was much danger in buying of Land, for that many have morgaged their Lands to one, and sold them to another, or by an old Deed that hath layen in some old Trunck, Desk, or Box, which may be brought forth to claim the Land again, so as I must be forced to go to Law for my Land I bought, which would cost me more than my Lands, besides the infinite pains and trouble in following my Law Sute, and vext with querkes, and quilters Lawyers find to prolong the Sute, or else I must let my Land go, so lose it, finding this, I thought to put my money out to use, but then I con∣sidered that first I had only a piece of Parchment for my money, besides, it is a general rule that few or none take up money at use, but those that are Banckrouts, and when they had once got my money into their hands, I should neither get Use or Principal, for should I Imprison them, I should be never the neerer to get my money, for where there is nothing to be had, sayes the old Proverb, the King must lose his right; after this I intended to build a Ship, and Traffick with it on the Seas, but then considering the Various Winds, the Tempestuous Storms, the rough Seas, the lurking Sands, the dreadfull Rocks, the gaping Flouds that might split and swallow my Ship, and be drowned my self; I was resolved not to follow that design; then I thought to buy a place at Court, but when I considered how I must cringe and creep, flatter, rail, and be factious, and at last the expences at Court would be more than the profit of my place, by which I should become a Beggar, or at least a Shark, I left off that design; but after all these considerati∣ons I concluded with my self that the most profitablest way to imploy my ten shillings was to build a Bawdy house, for I was sure that as soon as ever it was built Customers would resort thereunto; besides it was the most certain gain that was, without any expences, whereas all other Trades or Professi∣ons require means or stocks to begin with, whereas in these Professions or Trade the poorest may set up without borrowing or begging, for a stock to begin with; neither can alterations of times ruin it, for in all times whether Peace or Wars, and in all Nations, this Trade never fails, whereunto if you please to come Ladyes, you shall be very welcome.
It will not agree with my humour, for I love Solitariness, and there will be too much Company.
There may be a great resort, but their Conversation is by single Couples.
You are a wag Lady Censurer.
If I were to chuse a Wife, I would chuse the Lady Solitary.
Why?
Because those that are Solitary love not much Company, and being alone love not much noise, and loving no noise, love silence, and loving silence, love not to talk, so as in having of her, I shall have a Solitary, Peaceable, Quiet, Silent Wife.
And if I were to chuse, I would chuse the Lady Censurer, for she would let nothing pass her judgment: for she will give her opinion of all things, persons, and actions; so in having her to my Wife, I should have a general Intelligencer, or at least her opinion of all things.
But if her Judgment were not good, her opinion would be erron••ous.
I care not, it would serve to pass an idle time with.
And if I might chuse, I would chuse the Lady Examination for a Wife.
Why?
Because she knows most humours and passages of every body, and their affairs, so by her I should be entertained with news from all pla∣ces, as of all actions done, opinions held, words spoke, or thoughts thought.
I would I could have my wish as easily, as you might have your choice.
What would you wish?
I would wish to be unmarried, for if I were, I would never be troubled with a Wife again; but let me advise you, for I love to have mar∣ried Companions, that you three should go a woing to those three Ladyes, they cannot nor will not deny your Sute, being all three of you rich, young and handsome.
We will take your Counsel.