Playes written by the thrice noble, illustrious and excellent princess, the Lady Marchioness of Newcastle.

THE COMICAL HASH

ACT I.

Scene 1.

Enter a Company of young Gentlemen, and two or three young Ladyes, as the Lady Gadder, the Lady Kindeling, and the Lady Bridlehead.

KIndeling.

My Dear Gadder.

Gadder.

My sweet Kindeling.

They imbrace and kiss each other.

Gentleman.

Faith Ladyes Nature never made women to kiss each other, and therefore 'tis unnatural, and being unnatural it is unlawfull, and being unlawfull it ought to be forbidden.

Gadder.

Yes, you would have us kiss you men.

Gentleman.

No Ladies, we men will kiss you women, if you please to give us leave.

Bridlehead.

You will take leave sometimes.

Gentleman.

'Tis when we think we shall not be refus'd, or at least not to be disfavour'd for it.

The Ladies kiss again.

Gentleman.

VVhat, kissing again? faith Ladies you will make us believe by your often kissing, that you desire we should kiss you, and with that belief we may run into an error, if it be an error to kiss a fair Lady.

Kindeling.

Fye, fye, you men are odd Creatures.

Gentleman.

No, you women are odd Creatures, when you are not with us men.

Kindeling.

Preethy Gadder and Bridlehead let us go do something to pass away our time.

Gadder.

VVhat shall we do?

Bridlehead.

Let us go to Cards.

Gadder.

Faith I have made a Vow not to play for money.

Bridlehead.

VVe will play for Sweet-meats.

Kindeling.

No, preethy let us play for a Sack Possit.

Gadder.

O no, we will play for Sweet-meats.

Kindeling.

I say a Sack Possit.

Gadder.

Let the most voices carry it.

Gentleman.

I will speak for the men, we say a Sack Possit, for that will make us both good Company in the eating the Possit, and after 'tis eaten, whereas Sweet-meats will make us heavy and dull.

Gadder.

Well then let us go play for a Sack Possit.

Bridlehead.

Faith a Sack Possit will make me drunk.

Gentleman.

You will be the better Company Lady.

Kindling.

Fye Bridlehead, you should not say drunk, but your head giddy.

Gentleman.

That is better than to be drunk: for a giddy head hath a light heel.

Exeunt.

Scene 2.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 GEnt.

The Lord Poverty is a gallant Noble person.

2 Gent.

They are gallant and Noble that are Rich, and titled Honour without Means, is like a Body without a Soul.

1 Gent.

You are mistaken friend, it is rather a Soul without a Body.

2 Gent.

Alas titled Honour without Means to maintain it, is despised.

1 Gent.

If the person hath Merit worthy of his titled Honour, that titled Honour is worthy to be respected and bowed to by all inferiour persons; nay put the case that Honourable titles are placed upon Unworthy persons, yet all ought to give respect to those Titles, and to do homage thereunto, though not unto the Person, yet because it comes from a lawfull and Supreme pow∣er; as Natural rays of light do from the Sun; and those that strive through envy and through spite, for to Eclipse the light, deserve to be in a perpetual darkness; so those that do detract from titled Honours, ought never to be honoured with Titles or respect.

2 Gent.

Why, 'tis not only I that have no such titles of Honour that speaks against them, but those that do possess them, and their fore-fathers long before them.

1 Gent.

They that do so ought to be degraded, as being unworthy to wear the badge or mark of their fore-fathers Merits, or heroick Acts, for they do shew they have none of their own; but those that get their own Ho∣nours, by their own Merits and worthy Actions, deserve them best; for they, like as a clear and glorious day, appear; for oft-times their posterity, like Clouds begot from gross and drowsie Earth, strive to quench out their Fathers flaming Honours, and by their Baseness obscure the light of their fore-fathers great and glorious Fame, and in the end bury themselves in dark Oblivion, as vanishing to nothing, as being never mentioned nor remembred; but those that for their loyalty and their fidelity unto their King and Coun∣try, have hazarded lives, and lost their liberties and Estates, and are grown poor for Honesties sake, and Virtuous causes, yet they in after Ages will live with great renown; for 'tis not in the power of spite to pull them down; for the Gods give Fame to Noble Actions, as Kings give titled Honours; though men that are base will not relieve them, yet Fame will remember them; and though base men will rail against them, yet Fame will praise them; and though they dye with Poverty, and should end their lives in a foul

Ditch, yet shall that Ditch be honoured by their Death, more than the rich unworthy man be honoured by his stately Tombs and costly Funerals.

Exeunt.

Scene 3.

Enter the Lady Solitary, and the Lady Examination.

EXamination.

What's the matter with you to day Lady Solitary? you look as if you were in a married humour.

Solitary.

Why Lady Examination, what humour is a married humour?

Examination.

Why a masse of ill humours mixt or put together; as a lumpish, dumpish, dull, stupid humour; or a pievish, fretting, pining, whi∣ning humour; or a brawling, yawling, quarrelling, scoulding humour; or a jealous, suspicious humour; or a fawning, feigning, dissembling humour.

Solitary.

If these humours are woven into the marriage knot, I will never marry, for I would be loth to have the peace of my life strangled in discon∣tent: for whosoever be subject to these humours can never be happy.

Examination.

You will change your mind, and rather live with these hu∣mours than without a Husband; but I am come now to fetch you abroad, for their is a Company of sociable Ladyes and gallants, that have made a meeting some league of, where there will be Mirth, Jollity, Plenty and Pleasure, and they desire you will be sociable for once, and go along with them.

Solitary.

Would you have the Body which is the habitation of the Mind a wanderer, travelling from place to place, disturbing the mind with un∣profitable journeys?

Examination.

No, I would have it remove so as it may always situate it self in a wholsome, profitable, plentifull, pleasant, and pleasurable place.

Solitary.

I perceive you prefer the pleasures of the Body before the de∣light of the Mind.

Examination.

Why the mind can take no delight without the body; for the body gives the mind a being and habitation: for there would be no mind if there were no body, but if there could be a mind without a body, yet the mind could receive no delight without the pleasure of the body, for the pleasure of the body is the delight of the mind, and not the delight of the mind the pleasure of the body, for the mind doth never give nor return; wherefore come away, and leave your Solitary musing to those whose con∣dition of fortune denies them the use of the World, and worldly pleasures, and do not deny your self, for I hate a self-denying Creature.

Solitary.

Well, you shall prevail with me for this one time.

Exeunt.

Scene 4.

Enter two Gentlemen.

1 GEnt.

Have you seen Monsieur Thesis Book of Poems that is newly come forth?

2 Gent.

Yes.

1 Gent.

And how do you approve of them?

2 Gent.

As well as I do of an Anagram.

1 Gent.

There is never an Anagram in the Book.

2 Gent.

Why the whole Book is an Anagram of Doctor Costives Poems: for he hath only new placed the words, as they do Anagrams of names, but the whole matter, sense, and conceits is the same.

1 Gent.

Indeed he hath imitated him.

2 Gent.

By your favour, imitation is only to be like another, and not the same; but his is the very same, as I have told you, for which he deserves less praises than a Imitator, although those that do imitate any Excellent Poet, do not gain so much honour to themselves, as they give honour to those they imitate; as for example, the Imitators of Homer give more honour to Homer than to themselves; for Imitators are only as Painters, where he that is imita∣ted is as Nature, or the Gods, for the one draws but Copies, the other makes the Original; so that there is as much difference as a Man, and the Picture of a man.

1 Gent.

But a Painter that draws the Picture of a man, very like the life, he may be more famous than the man that is drawn.

2 Gent.

But not worshiped and adored, as Nature is, that made him: for Art cannot out-do Nature, nor do as Nature hath doue, and doth do; and an Imitator is but an Artificer, when as the Original Author is a Creator, and ought to be accounted of, and respected, and worship'd as Divine; but there are or have been but very few Poets that have such powers and parts to make a perfect Creature, which is a perfect work, as Poems, scenes, or story; but some Poets are like Chymist, that strive and labour to make as Na∣ture makes, but most fail in their work, and lose their labours, wanting that Natural heat, or well-tempered matter, which should produce such Crea∣tures as Nature makes, yet some 'tis said have made gold, as Raimond Lully.

1 Gent.

Then Homer is a Raimond Lully in Poetry.

2 Gent.

Nay rather Raimond Lully is a Homer in Chymistry: for no man ought to compare Homer to any Creature, by reason he hath out-wrought Nature, having done that which she never did; for Nature never made Gods, Devils, Hells, and Heavens, as Homer hath done.

1 Gent.

For my part I had rather be Raimond Lully than Homer: for I had rather have the Art to make Gold, than the Nature to make Poems.

2 Gent.

You would not gain so much by Gold as Wit.

1 Gent.

VVhy, what shall I gain?

2 Gent.

Fame.

1 Gent.

But Gold will bribe Fame to speak as I would have her, if I have ••old enough to bribe her.

2 Gent.

But Poems will force Fame to speak for you without a bribe.

1 Gent.

That were all one to me, so she speaks well, whether she be for∣••••d, flattered, or bribed.

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2 Gent.

But there is a fate of Poverty on Chymists, as much as on Poets, so that if you were as Excellent a Chymist as Raimond Lully, you would be as poor as Divine Homer.

1 Gent.

Not if I could make Gold.

2 Gent.

Yes, for Chymists spend more in the making of Gold, than they gain by it when it is made; and how should they do otherways, when they must needs spend a pound or pounds to make a grain? for the limbeck of a Chymist is but a little Still set a-work by a wasting fire, whereas Natures limbeck is the Earth, set a-work by an undecaiable fire, which is the Sun; this Chymist becomes as poor by an over-greedy Covetousness, as Poets by a despising Carelessness.

1 Gent.

Then Chymists are like those Bodyes which become lean with over-eating, and Poets like those Bodyes that becomes lean by over-fasting; the one surfits, the other famishes.

2 Gent.

Indeed Chymists are so greedily Covetous, and feed so much on hopes, as they never leave untill such time as they have vomitted out all their wealth, and then they become sick and lean with Poverty.

Exeunt.