Playes written by the thrice noble, illustrious and excellent princess, the Lady Marchioness of Newcastle.

ACT IV.

Scene. 32.

Enter the Waiting-woman and Chambermaid of the Lady Jealousie.

GEntlewoman.

You are a strange wench, to make the Posset-curd so tough, that now my Lady hath eat it, it lies so hard, so hard in her stomach, as it cannot digest.

Maid.

Tough, say you? I am sure to my taste it was as tender as Cream.

Gentlewoman.

Well, in my Ladies stomach it proves as hard as stone: wherefore you must go and burn some Claret-wine for her, with Cloves, Mace, and Nutmegs, and make it very sweet with sine loaf-sugar, presently, presently.

Maid.

But if my Lady hath one meat after another so quick, she will not be able to hold all in her stomach, by reason her stomach must of necessity o∣verflow.

Gentlewoman.

If the wine make her stomach to overflow, it will be like washing the mouth, and rubbing the teeth after meat, the which will scour her stomach clean.

Maid.

Nay, if the stomach be not scour'd and cleans'd somtimes, it would be very foul, by reason it is so often us'd.

Gentlewoman.

And if it be scour'd too often, it will wear it out, as the Lear∣ned say: But Nan, go your ways and burn the wine, otherwise my Lady will chide.

Exeunt.

Scene 33.

Enter Monsieur Amorous, and the Lady Procurer, as Visitants to the Lady VVanton.

LAdy Procurer.

Well Monsieur Amorous, now I have brought you to this Lady, I will leave you to make your Complements, the whilst I will go, Madam, to your woman, to Mistris Watcher, and chide her for not send∣ing me that you promis'd me.

Wanton.

She is much asham'd for her forgetfulness, and had rather die than see you.

Exit Lady Procurer.

Monsieur Amorous seems to stagger, as being weak and faint, almost ready to fall into a Swoun; then takes his handkerchief, and wipes his face, as if he did sweat.

Wanton.

Are not you well Sir?

Amorous.

A sudden passion hath surrounded my Heart, and hath surpri∣zed my Senses, sending out cold damp sweats over all my body.

Wanton.

Sir, will you drink any cordial water?

He kisses her hand.

Amorous.

Lady, it was your Beauty that struck me with a trembling fear, and made my spirits faint; but this delicious kiss that I have taken from your hand, restores me more, and gives me greater strength than all the Spi∣rits Chymists can extract.

Wanton.

I perceive now it was a dissembling fit, and not a real sickness.

Amorous.

Misconstrue not my Admirations and Affections, which do a∣dore and worship you.

Wanton.

If we women should believe the words of men, they would make us more conceited of our selves than yet we are.

Amorous.

There are not thoughts to equal your great Beauty, nor words for to express it.

Enter the Lady Procurer in great haste.

Procurer.

Madam, Madam, your Husband is comming, your Husband is comming.

Wanton.

For Venus sake stay by me, Madam, that my Husband may see I have a woman in my company.

Enter Sir Thomas Cuckold, Sir Thomas and Monsieur Amorous congee to one another.

Amorous.

Sir, my ambition grew impatient to be acquainted, and to ren∣der my self, and offer my service to you Sir.

Cuckold.

Sir, I am your most humble Servant, and shall strive by all the ways I can to appear worthy your favours.

The Ladies speak familiarly.

Wanton.

Lord, Lady Procurer, how are you drest to day in a most careless fashion?

Procurer.

It is the mode, it is the mode to go undrest,

Cuckold.

Wife, this is not a fit room to entertain this noble Gentleman, Sir, will you be pleas'd to walk into another room?

Amorous.

All rooms are fine Sir, where you and your Virtuous La∣dy are.

Exeunt Sir Thomas Cuckold and Monsieur Amorous.

Procurer.

'Faith if I had not come running in before your Husband, he had catch'd you.

Lady Wanton claps the Lady Procurer on the cloaths.

VVanton.

'Faith Procurer, thou art such another Lady-wag, as all the Town cannot match thee.

Procurer.

I was, I was, but now I am grown old, I am grown old; but I was born to do good Offices.

Exeunt.

Scene 34.

Enter two Maids of the Lady Poverty's.

1 MAid.

I wonder my Lady is able to stay in the room with my Master: his vomiting hath so fumed the room, as there is such a stink, that by my troth I am almost strangled with the smell of the corrupted drink.

2 Maid.

Alas poor Lady! she is forc'd to stay for fear he should be out∣ragious in his drunken humour: for if she stirs or speaks, he swears as if he would draw the Devils out of Hell.

1 Maid.

Hell is not so bad, as to be where he is now he is drunk.

Enter another Maid.

3 Maid.

My Master is asleep, and my Lady would have you make lesse noise, and not to talk so loud, for fear you should awake him.

1 Maid.

If he be asleep, we may make what noise we will or can make, he will not wake until such time as the fume or vapour of wine be out of his head, no sound can enter: But I wonder my Lady will take such care of him, when he hath no respect to her, but transforms himself from man to beast e∣very day; indeed she sees him only a beast, not a man: for before he is who∣ly sober, he rises to go to a Tavern to be drunk again.

2 Maid.

If my Master transforms himself into a beast ere that he comes to my Lady, he imitates Iove: for he transform'd himself into a Bull for the sake of sair Europa.

1 Maid.

But not into a drunken roaring Bull as my Master is.

3 Maid.

'Faith if I were my Lady, I would hold by his Horns, and then let him roar, and drink•• and whore as much as he will.

1 Maid.

Yes, so she might chance to be drench'd in a Bathing-tub, as Eu∣ropa in the Sea.

Exeunt.

Scene 35.

Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Chamber-maid, and her Master Sir Henry Courtly meets her, and kisses her. Enter the Lady Jea∣lousie, and sees him.

LAdy Iealousie.

So Husband, I perceive Nan is in your favour.

Nan runs out of the room.

Courtly.

'Faith Wife Nan is a careful and industrious Wench! for she strives to serve us both, for she makes you candles and feeds me with kisses.

Lady Iealousie.

Or rather Husband you feed Nan, and Nan feeds me.

Courtly.

Faith the truth is I ••eed you both.

Lady Iealousie.

But Nan hath the greatest share, that makes her so proud, and I so sickly; But since you are so liberal to her, and so sparing to me, I will board elsewhere, and so as I may carve where I like best.

Courtly.

Sure Wife you will not.

Lady Iealousie.

Surely Husband I will do my endeavour.

Courtly.

What to be a Whore?

Lady Iealousie.

Yes, if being a whore will make you a Cuckold.

Exeunt.

Scene. 36.

Enter the Lady Hypocondria and her Maid.

LAdy Hypocondria.

My Husband hath been a long time abroad, pray Iove he be safe, if he should chance to have a quarrel and fight, a hundred to one but he is killd: for otherwise he would have come home; do you think he is well Ioan?

Maid.

You need not fear, for my master is of so civil a behaviour, and of so sweet a disposition, as he can have no enemies.

Lady Hypocon.

O But he is a man that is very valiant, and one that is very sensible of disgrace, and affronts.

Maid.

Truly I believe you have no reason to fear.

Lady Hypocon.

Do you but believe so, nay then you doubt, and therefore I know he is kill'd and I will go and find out the murtherer, and kill him my self.

The Lady Hypocondria offers to run out of the room, as in a frighted passion, the maid stops her.

Maid.

My Noble Lady, do not run in this passion: for all the idle men, and women, and boyes, and girles will run after you, as thinking you mad; for they make no difference betwixt melancholy, and madnesse.

Lady Hypocon.

I am not able to overcome this fear, I shall die.

Maid.

Pray stay and send out one of our men to inquire where he is.

Lady Hypocon.

Call Roger Trusty.

The Maid goes out.

The Lady alone.

Lady Hypocon.

O You defendant Gods assist my Husband.

Enter Joan, and Roger Trusty.

Lady Hypocon.

Trusty go presently, and seek out your master, and bring me word where he is, and how he doth, and be sure if you see a grim look't fellow near him, that you stir not from your Master, but wait upon him home, for fear some trechery should beset him.

Trusty.

Who shall bring you word of his health, or sicknesse, life, or death?

Lady Hypocon.

Death do you say, O you have heard he is kill'd.

Trusty.

By Pluto I have heard no such thing.

Lady Hypocon.

Why do you talk of death then?

Trusty.

Because you send me to know whether he be dead, or alive.

Lady Hypocon.

That is true, wherefore let one of the Foot-boyes go a∣long with you to bring me an answer; but be sure you stay with your Master.

Trusty.

I shall.

Lady Hypocon.

Make all the haste you can to find him.

Exeunt.

Scene 37.

Enter Sir Henry Sage, and the Lady Chastity.

SIr Hen. Sage.

Is the Lady Procurer a Baud say you?

Lady Chastity.

A perfect one I think: for she pleaded as earnestly, as Law∣yers for a fee.

Sir Hen. Sage.

No doubt, but she hath as much reason: for sure she doth it for gain, not out of love to wicked basenesse; but I believe poverty per∣swades her, or rather inforces her.

Chastity.

No surely, it is an inborn, or at least an inbred baseness: for neither death, nor torments can inforce, nor riches, nor preferrments allure a noble mind to such base acts; but some are so unworthy, or rather wicked, as to de∣light to intice, and to pervert all they can get acquaintance with.

Sir Hen. Sage.

And some doe it to hide their own faults, thinking to bu∣ry them under the vices of others, or smother them in the presse of a mul∣titude: but let me advise you not to entertain her company any more.

Chastity.

I believe she will not visit me again.

Exeunt.

Scene 38.

Enter the Lady Sprightly, and one of her wom••n.

LAdy Sprightly.

Lord, Lord, this nasty love, or rather this heastly lust that doth corrupt all good manners, as gentle civility, free society, lawfull recreations, honest friendship, natural affections; it cuts off the feet of obedience, it breaks the knees of duty, it wounds the breast of fidelity, it pulls out the heart of loyalty; it turns away prudence, it banishes temperance, and murthers justice; it breaks peace and makes warrs, and t••rns arms i••••o petticoats. O sweet pure Chastity, how amiable thou art, how beautifull thou appearst in women, how heroick in men: for Chast women have such innocent thoughts, such pure, clean, clear, white immaculate minds, such modest countenances, such gentle behaviour, such civil discourses, such no∣ble actions, such discreet entertainments, such cautionarie recreations; o∣therwise they are bold, impudent, rude, flanting, ranting, romping wo∣men: also Chastity in men makes them heroick, for propriety, justice con∣stancy, and natural and honest love is the basis, pillars, or foundation where∣on true valour is built, when amorous affections make men effeminate, cau∣sing them to cast away their hard iron arms to lie in the soft arms of beau∣ty, and stops their cares from loud alarums, with charming notes of Musick, it takes them from being masters of themselves, and others, and makes them become servants, and slaves; from commanding an Army to be com∣manded by single women, by whom he is checkt like a school-boy, lead like a dog in a string, as after his mistrisses humours, her frowns make him crouch like a cur, her smiles make him skip, and make face like a Jack a••∣apes, and their beastly appetites make them so rude, and wilde, as they re∣gard no civility of behaviour, no gentleness of disposition, no constancy of affection, they keep no friendship, constancy, or vowes, they break all de∣cent customs, and disobey all honest laws; but this is a theam too wilde to be preacht on.

Gentlewoman.

Why Madam, my Lord your father may be a very chast man although he lieth with his maid, if he hath made her his wife before he made her his bedfellow.

Lady Sprightly.

His wife? he scorns the thought, and hates the act?

Gentlewoman.

Pardon me Madam, if I offer to lay a wager of it.

Lady Sprightly.

Are you so confident that you dare lay a wager?

Gentlewoman.

If you inquire more I believe you will find it to be true.

Exeunt.