Playes written by the thrice noble, illustrious and excellent princess, the Lady Marchioness of Newcastle.

ACT IV.

Scene 27.

Enter Madamoiselle Ambition, and her Waiting-woman.

VVOman.

Madam, me thinks Monsieur Vain-glorious is a very pro∣per man, and would be a fit Match for your Ladyship.

Ambition.

Let me tell you, I will never marry a man whose Soul hath Va∣cuum; but that man I would marry, should have a soul filled with Natures best Extractions; his Head the Cabinet of Natures wisest Counsels, and cu∣riousest Fancies; his Heart the Treasury of Natures purest, currentest, and Heroick Virtue: For if ever I marry, I will have a Husband that is able to govern Kingdoms, to Marshal Armies, to Fight Battels, and Conquer Nati∣ons; and not a self-conceited Fool, or fantastical Gallant, such as speaks ta••∣ing Words, wears slanting Cloaths, walks with a proud Garb, looks with a disdainful Countenance, Courts Mistrisses, loves Flatteries, hates Superiors, and scorns Inferiors, keeps a greater Retinue than his Revenue will maintain, who like moths, eat through the cloth of his Estate, and he like another ••••, plays so long in his Vain-glorious Flame, until he is consumed therein, span∣ding with an open purse, and prodigal vanity, and yet receives with a cove∣tous hand: So Vanity flies and flutters about in the heat of Prosperity, and dies in the Winter of Adversity. No, I will have a Husband, if ever I have any, whose Minde is settled like the Centre, which can neither rise nor fall with good or bad Fortune; and not a little Soul in a narrow Heart, and wit∣less Brain.

Exeunt.

Scene 28.

Enter Monsieur Satyrical, and another Gentleman.

GEntlem.

Sir, I desire you will pardon me; but I am commanded to bring you here a Challenge.

Gives it.

Satyrical.

Are you the Second, Sir?

Gentlem.

No Sir.

He read.

Satyrical.

Are you a Pimp, Sir?

Gentlem.

I scorn your base words, for I am a Gentleman.

Satyrical.

Many a Gentleman scorns base words, but not base Actions.

Gentlem.

I scorn both base words, and base Actions.

Satyrical.

It doth not seem so by the Challenge you have brought.

Gentlem.

Why, what is the Challenge?

Satyrical.

The Challenge is from a Woman, and I will read it to you.

He reads the Challenge.

Monsieur Satyrical,

I Challenge you, and am resolv'd to fight, Not in the Field of Mars, as Champion Knight, Nor in the Court of Venus will I be, But to the Lists of Mercury Challenge thee: Where all the Muses will Spectators sit, To Iudge which is the great'st Victor of Wit. The Weapons which we fight with must be Words, For I a woman am, not us'd to Swords: Custome and Education leaves us bare To Natures Arms, the Arms of Death we fear.

Your Servant, Bon' Esprit.

Satyrical.

These two last Lines make you a Pimp, Sir.

Gentlem.

I must be contended, for there is no Revenge to be taken against Ladies: But Mother Matron had been a more properer Messenger than I for this Challenge.

Satyrical.

I shall send my Answer by a more inferiour person than you are, and so shall take my leave for this time.

Gentlem.

Your Servant.

Exeunt.

Scene 29.

Enter Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit, Portrait, Faction, Ambi∣tion, Superbe.

FAction.

All Poets and Musicians are mad, more or less: for Madness is caused by a distemper of the Brain, like as the Pulse, which beats quicker than the natural motion.

Bon' Esprit.

You mistake madness; for madness is not caused by the quickness of motion, but by the irregularity of the motion: And as for Poe∣tical and Musical Motions, although they are quick, yet they keep Time, Time and Order, when those Motions that cause madness do not: But the quick-moving brains of Poets are caused by their lively & elevated Spirits, which are Active and Industrious, always creating for delight or profit, as Verses, Fan∣cies, Scenes, Sonnets, or inventing Arts: And if you account these Ingenious and Divine Spirits to be mad, I shall desire to be mad too, as they are.

Faction.

But some Spirits are so quick, that they out run all Invention.

Bon' Esprit.

Those are neither the spirits of Poets nor Musicians; not but that Poets and Musicians may be mad as other men, but their madness is not

caused by the Poetical and Harmonical spirits, but some other defects of the brain, or distemper of the spirits; but there are many mad, that are so far from Poetical Fancies, or Musical skill, or Inventions, as they can neither conceive the one, or learn the other, or understand either; but Musick and Poetry have oft-times cured madness, and certainly are the best and most ex∣cellent Physicians for that disease: For though madness is but one and the same disease, as madness, yet the Causes and Effects are divers.

Superbe.

A Feaver in the Brain causeth madness.

Bon' Esprit.

It rather causeth madness to have outragion: Effects; but a cold brain may be mad: But it is neither heat nor cold that causeth mad∣ness, but the irregularity of the Spirits.

Ambition.

But heat and cold may cause the irregularity of the Spirits: for as cold Livers make the Veins like standing ponds, which putrifies the blood for want of motion; so very cold Brains may be like Snow or Ice, to obstruct or bind the Spirits, hindring the regular motions.

Bon' Esprit.

You say right, and that is a stupid madness: And as a hot Liver may boyl and inflame the blood, so hot Brains may inflame the Spi∣rits, causing Combustious Motions, as Thundring, which is a raging mad∣nesse.

Enter Monsieur Censurer.

Censure.

Who is raging-mad?

Faction.

A despairing Lover.

Censure.

Hang him in his Mistris Frowns, or strangle him in the Cords of her Cruelty.

Superbe.

Would you be served so?

Censure.

Yes, when I am a mad Lover: For I had rather die than be in love with a hard-hearted Mistris; for of the two I had rather imbrace death than Court her, in which Courtship I should be Transform'd, or Metamor∣phos'd into many several things: As I should be a River of Lovers Tears, a Ventidock of Lovers Sighs, an Aquaduct of Lovers Griefs, and a Chilling grotto of Lovers Fears; and rather than I would endure these Transformati∣ons, I would be well contended to be annihilated.

Ambition.

O fie, had you rather be nothing than a Lover?

Censure.

I had rather be nothing, than a thing worse than nothing.

Faction.

Well, I hope to see you a desperate Lover at one time or o∣ther.

Censure.

I hope not, for I have no cause to fear: for my Mind cannot be perswaded by my Fancy, or forced by my Appetites, nor betrayed by my Senses; for Reason governs my Brain, Temperance rules my Appetites, Prudence guards my Senses, and Fortitude keeps the possession and Fort of my Heart.

Faction.

Love will unthrone Reason, corrupt Temperance, bribe Prudence, and bear Fortitude out of the Fort of your Heart.

Censure.

For fear of that I will leave you, Ladies.

Exit.

Enter Mother Matron.

Matron.

News; News, Monsieur Satyrical hath vouchsaf'd to return you an Answer to your Challenge.

Bon' Esprit.

Who brought it?

Matron.

A scrubbed fellow in a thred-bare cloak, the rest of the Ladies say. Read it, read it, Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit.

She reads it to them.

Lady, you Challeng'd me in Arms to fight, Appoint the place, the best time is at night For Natural Duellers; yet I submit, And shall obey to what hour you think fit: I am content my Health for to engage, And venture Life to satisfie your rage. I am no Coward, I am not afraid To fight a Duel with a young fair Maid, Although old Mother Matron she should be Your Second, for the Iudge what she doth see.

Matron.

He makes me the scurvy burthen of his more scurvy Verse, and scurrilous Answer: But I hope this Answer of his to your Challenge, will inveterate your spleen as much as his upbraiding my Age did mine.

Bon' Esprit.

I have not such reason to be so concern'd as you are; for I am honest, though you are old.

Matron.

May the Infamy of Vice wither the Blossoms of Youth, as Age doth the Flowers of Beauty, that there may be an equal return of Re∣proach.

Bon' Esprit.

Indeed there is some Reciprocalness in Vice and Age.

Matron.

No, Vice and Youth are Reciprocal.

Ambition.

But I see no Reciprocalnesse betwixt Love and Monsieur Sa∣tyrical.

Bon' Esprit.

I make no doubt but to bring Monsieur Satyrical into Cupid's snare.

Faction.

You may sooner bring your self into Vulcan's Net.

Bon' Esprit.

Well, mark the end and success.

Superbe.

Nay, rather we shall mark the endless folly.

Exeunt.

Scene 30.

Enter Madamoiselle Pleasure, and Monsieur Vain-glorious.

VAin-glorious.

Lady Pleasure, you are the swetest young Lady in the World, and the only delight in life.

Pleasure.

O Sir, you give a Wooers sentence, and self-love hath bribed your Judgment: for most speak partially, according to their Affections, and not according to Truth.

Vain-glor.

Truth is a prating, preaching, tatling, twatling Gossip, and tells many times that which would be better conceal'd.

Pleasure.

Truth is the Eye of Knowledge, which brings men out of Igno∣rance: It is the Scale of Justice, the Sword of Execution, the Reward of Me∣rit: It is the Bond of Propriety, and the Seal of Honesty.

Vain-glor.

Truth is a Tyrant, condemning more than she saves.

Pleasure.

She condemns none but Fools, Knaves, Cowards, Irreligious, Licentious, and Vain-glorious persons, to be unworthy, base, false, and wicked.

Exit.

Vainglorious alone.

Vain-glorious.

She condemns Pleasure; for truly there is no such thing as Pleasure.

Exit.

Scene 31.

Enter Monsieur Satyrical alone.

SAtyrical.

I must marry, or bury succession in my Grave; but it's dange∣rous, very dangerous. O Nature, Nature, hadst thou no other way to Create a man, unless thou mad'st a woman! But if thou wert forc'd by the Fates to make that Sex, yet thou hadst liberty to make her of a constant Mind; but thou art inconstant thy self, as being of female kind: But since I must marry, Discretion shall make the Choise, which will choose Virtue before Wealth, Wit before Beauty, Breeding before Birth; if she hath Virtue, she will be Chaste; if she hath Wit, she will be Conversable, if she hath good Breeding, she will be modest and well-behav'd. But where is that woman that is virtuously Chaste, wittily Conversable, and Modestly-behav'd? If any woman be thus, as I would have her, it is Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit, she seems to have a Noble Soul by her Honourable Actions, which women, for the most part, are so far from, as they seem, for the most part, to have no souls at all, by their mean and petty actions: Also she hath a Supernatural Wit, I mean supernatural, as being a woman; and her Wit is not only Ingenious, but Judicious, by which she will set a value on subjects of Merit and Worth, and despise those that are base; when fools know not how to prize the best, but chuse that is bad, not knowing what is good, so walk in Errours ways, which leads unto dishonour; but she, having Wit and Honour, knows the benefit of Honesty so well, as she will be Chaste for her own sake, were it not for her Husbands. But I most satyrically have tran∣slated her sweet and harmless mirth, which was presented in her Elevated Verse into a wanton Interpretation. Diana, thou Goddess of Chastity, par∣don me! But stay thoughts, whither wander you? let me examine you be∣fore you pass any farther, as whether or no you are not led by the bow-string of Cupid, or the girdle of Venus, into the foul paths of vain desires, and del••∣ding beauty, to the labyrinth of destruction, there to be kept and incaptivated by the intanglements and subtill windings, and turnings, and various passa∣ges of Amorous Love? But a strict Examination requires Time, and a just

Judge decides not a Cause without Debate; therefore I will have another Contemplation of Consideration, before I address my Sute, or make known my Desires.

Exit.

Scene 32.

Enter Madamoiselle Ambition, and Monsieur Vain glorious.

VAin-glor.

Madam, why should you refuse me?

Ambition.

Because I cannot love.

Vain-glor.

Not love me? why I am Valiant, Wise, Witty, Honest, Ge∣nerous, and Handsome: And where will you find a man where all these Ex∣cellencies do meet in one?

Ambition.

Now you have bragg'd of your self, I will plainly prove to you, that you are neither perfectly Valiant, nor Wise, nor Witty, nor Generous, nor truly Honest.

Vain-glor.

You cannot.

Ambition.

I can: And first for Valour. Have you gone to the Wars, and fought? why, millions do the like, and a poor Common Souldier will venture for sixpence on that which a vain Cavalier will hardly do to gain an immortal Fame: Or peradventure you have fought Duels, why every Drun∣kard will do as much, who in their drink they not reason to consider Valour, which is only to fight for the sake of Honour; but most commonly Duels are fought through Anger, or Fear, or Scorn, or Revenge, or the like, which is not true valour, but they fight rather like beasts than men, as with Force, Fu∣ry, or Appetite, caused by natural Antipathies, or through the heat of the blood, or desires or dislikes of the Senses: whereas true Valour is just, tem∣perate, patient, prudent, and is the Heroick part, or Virtue of the Soul: And to be valiant, is to fight for the right of Truth, and the defence of Inno∣cency, without Partiality, Covetousness, or Ambition: Also to prove your self Valiant, have you received misfortunes with patience, and suffred tor∣ments with fortitude? Have you forgiven your Enemies, or spared a bloo∣dy Execution for humanities sake, or releas'd rich prisoners without Ran∣some, and poor without slavery? Have you heard your self slanderd with Patience, justify'd your wrongs with Temperance, fought your Enemies without Anger, maintained your Honour without Vain-glory, then you are Valiant.

And for Wisedome, what do you call Wisedome? to speak Hebrew, Greek, and Latine, and not understand them? or to understand them, and cannot speak them? Or to cite dead Authors? Or to repeat their Learned Opinions? Or to make Sophisterian Disputes? Or to speak Latine Senten∣ces? Or to tell stories out of Histories? Or to write several Hands? Or to spell with true Orthography? Or to talk of the Sciences, but study none? Or to talk of Morality, but practice none? This you may call Learned, but not Wisedome. But to be Wise, Have you settled a Kingdome in peace, and put it in order, when it was imbrovled with Civil Wars, or insnared with confused and intangled Laws? Or have you appeased a mutinous and half-starv'd Army? Have you led an Army with Order, pitchd a Field with Art,

fought a Battel with Prudence, or have made a safe and honourable Retreat? Or have you been so provident, as to relieve Famine with fore-stor'd provi∣sions? Or to prevent misfortunes with fore-sight? Or have you distinguish∣ed a Cause clearly, or given an upright Judgment? Or have you delivered judicious Counsel, and given seasonable and suitable Admonitions? Have you composed a Common-wealth, or made profitable Laws to uphold a Com∣mon-wealth? Have you defended a Common-wealth from Enemies, or purged a Common-wealth from Factions? Have you made Officers worthy of Imployments, Magistrates able to Govern, Souldiers skilful to Com∣mand? Have you sitly matched men and business, and offices with men? Have you imploy'd the idle, and given light to the ignorant? Have you dis∣charged a Common-wealth of Superfluity, or superfluous Commodities, and brought in those which are more useful, such as they have wanted? Have you Manured a barren Country, or inrich'd a poor Kingdome? Have you made honest Associats, faithful Agreements, and safe Traffiques? Then you may think your self Wise, and be silent; for the Actions will proclame it.

Also what do you call Wit? Imitating Extravagancies like a Jackanapes, or a Buffoon, to extort the Countenance with making wry faces? Or with much laughter to shew the teeth, which perchance are all rotten in the head? Or foolishly to divulge the infirmities of particular persons in an open As∣sembly? Or putting Innocency or Youth out of Countenance? Or to di∣sturb the Serious with idle Sports? Or disorder the Wise with foolish and rude Jests? Or do you all Wit affected Dresses, affected Garbs, affected Countenances, or vain-straind Complements, or uselesse Words, or senslesse Speeches, or crosse Answers, or impertinent Questions? But for your Wit, Hath your Fame flown beyond Euripides, Homer, or Ovid, your Descrip∣tions beyond Horace, or your Verse beyond Virgil? Have you Oratory to e∣qual the Orators of Athens, Lacedemonians, or Rome? or have you devised any Ingenious Inventions, or produced any profitable Arts, or found out any new Sciences? Then you are Witty.

Likewise what do you call Honesty? to live luxuriously to your self, not medling, nor intermingling your self and home-Affairs with the publick Af∣fairs of the World? To keep open House at Christmass? To give your scraps to the poor? To pay Wages duly, Debts justly, Taxes quietly? To kisse your Maids privatly? And although all this is good and commendable, but the kissing of your Maids, yet it is not enough to make a perfect honest man: But to be perfectly honest, Have you temperd your unfatiable Appetite with Abstinency, moderated your violated passions with Reason, governed your unruly actions with Prudence? Have you not exacted unjustly, judged par∣tially, accused falsly, betrayed treacherously, kept wrongfully, took forcibly? but have you advanced Virtues, defended the Innocent? Have you witnessed for Truth, pleaded for Right, and stood for the defenceless? Then you are perfectly Honest.

Also what do you call Generosity? To give a present to a lewd Mistris? To bribe a corrupted Judge? Or fee a subtil Lawyer? Or feast the vain Courtiers? Or maintain Sycophants and Flatterers? Or Bail a just Arrest? Or to be bound for the Deboist? Or to give Ladies Collations? Or to lend or give idle drunken fellows money? Or to give when you think to hear of it again? This is Prodigality, not Generosity. But to be Generous, Have you set your prisoner free, Ransomed the Captives, or bought off the chains

of the Gally-slaves? Have you maintained young Orphans, or helped poor Widows? Have you cheered the Aged, nourished the Hungry, succoured the Infirm, relieved the Distressed, comforted the Sorrowful, and guided the Ignorant? Or have you upholden an Antient Family from sinking? Then you are Generous.

As for your Person, the more Handsome and Beautiful you are, the more Effeminate you seem. But to conclude, That man that hath a narrow Heart, and a mean Soul, that only seeks his own delights, which all vain-glorious persons do, I will not marry: For Noble Ambition hath a heart, whose veins with bounty flow, and wears her life only for Honours use and Vir∣tues need.

Exeunt.