A forest of varieties ...

EXONERATIONS OR An Inquisition taken upon my par∣ticular, and humane Frailty, Blindnesse, Presumption, Unquietnesse, and Vanity.

THUS much for precaution: if you desire to loyter by looking into my unpleasant story and late expence of time, cloath your minde in its Holyday and Church apparell, expect not an oftentation of wit and Language, but rather a perplexed narrative, a solemne, sad and serious exercise of Devotion, such indeed as becomes the next holy weeke, penitentiall and mourn∣ing. Otherwise I advise you to forbeare, for you will finde all too unpleasant and unsutable to your disposition: Nothing is here pretended but private discharge and satisfaction. All hasty, dys∣astrous, cloudy, tumultuous, incorrect, incomposed, precipitate, o∣ver-subject to repetitions, for want of looking back and re-exami∣nation in the Course. Especially I perswade the passing over ma∣ny of the first following peeces as too much concerning my parti∣cular, after which the streames begin to run more deer and free.

March the 15. 1637.

HEre see securely what a troubled soule May suffer in a lasting storme, here see Thoughts stagg'ring reel (whilst the poore bark doth rowle) Cling to the Mast, Pray, Labor * 1.1 to the Lee, Throw out their lading, wrastle with the waves Sink down their sayles, now lifted up on high,

Now almost swallow'd in th' Abysse of graves; Now a cleer heaven, and straight a dismall sky: Here learn how fairest daies may overcast, Confounding all your quiet with a blast: What masters me to day, may you to morrow, But for our comfort, God can master sorrow.

HEre see, how in a sanguine complection, when Gods grace be∣gins powerfully to shine and work, as in the month of March, and turning of the year, storms upon storms: and

Frigida pugnabant calidis, humentia siccis, Mollia cum duris, sine pondere habentia pondus, Till— Deus hane litem (& melior natura) diremit.

MY perverse fortune from my youth, with my melancholy dis∣ease, (fruitfull in nothing but thoughts, and those not ever the most necessary or naturall:) have often occasioned me with re∣flection upon my self, to write something, not so much to apolo∣gize (for alas, it is vaine where there might have bin prevention) as to give some ease to my self, and extenuation in what I may mis∣appeare to the world; but I have often bin diverted from such dis∣course, by the overgrown wildernesse, which long time and con∣fusion have brought upon me. Yet thus much let me say for my self, (and wonder at my selfe in that I may truely say so,) that neither carelesnes, prodigality, nor an humor disposed to riot or luxury, have bred my harme. Nay, (if there be any truth in me) nothing hath more procured it, then a misguided sobriety of diet, with such an inordinate care for the ordering of my fortune in my begin∣nings, finding my self pent and ingaged to wife and children, as (whatsoever may bee conceived I dare affirme) no man of riper yeares and judgement, but might have falne into, and will, when∣soever it shall please God to entangle him in divers and strong in∣cumbrances, inward and outward, which in the circumstances of my condition so malignly concurred, that being something by na∣ture, and more by accident, mis-diet, over apprehension and stu∣diousnesse, disposed to a strong melancholy, it was impossible to extricate my self, without such an aggravation as rendred it incu∣rable, and me most miserable, in the Shipwrack of all joy and con∣tentment. Wherein finding my self thus plunged, one while my re∣fuge was to the helplesse Physitian, and another at last to strong di∣versions; such as * 1.2 building, Court, company, travaile, and the like, which all proved but such miserable helpers as melancholy men use to finde, full of expence, which till then, (about my age of 25. from 18. when I was married) I had avoided. Building, (as troublesome both to my fancy and purse) I soon left, and the losse of the brave Prince Henry, on whom I had laid my grounds, with

much sicknesse soon after casting me down, and increasing my dis∣ease, I became unable to make use either of my naturall parts, or time and expence bestowed in Court: thoughts beget melancholy, and that, * 1.3 thoughts, alternatively. It is questionable whether I did more hurt my self with my thoughts, (which many years to∣gether long since, brought me often, even to an utter exhaustion) or whether with Gods assistance, in a strong constitution of body and minde, (for had not God furnished me with as strong and pre∣sent supply of extrications as intrications, I must often have perish∣ed) I more extraordinarily relieved and supported my self to sub∣sist against the impetuous * 1.4 curiosity of my disease and nature; but my unhappinesse hath also bin such, as in criticall times of my life, to have met with such unluckie crosses and connexions of fate, to put me out of my course, that the consideration thereof would make any man (not otherwise superstitious) take knowledge of an over∣ruling hand therein; whereunto (I humbly thank God) I so submit my self, as that for my spirituall good, I acknowledge there ought to have gone no lesse, to work a total conversion in me, so hard is sanctification to be wrought even in men of religious in∣clinations. For my posterity, I must crave their pardon: hoping they will with me submit to the Almighty hand, which can at its good pleasure as well raise as ruine. Worldly confidence illudes, nor can any thing confirm prosperity in this and the better world, but a firm faith, and resolved obedience to God and his Son, in whom alone is salvation. That, that alone can reconcile and calme the contrarieties of our complections in the distractions of pleasure, profit, conscience, honor, decency, authority over others, or a self-injoying: making true Religion the only starre of our course, whilst others for want of it, sometimes wildly flote, and some∣times sink in the confusion of their passions. Good intentions without firm resolutions are insufficient. No man hath meant more thriftily then my self; but alasse! in what a mist of contrary indica∣tions and contingencies doe we live? when I concluded against hous-keeping, I have bin indulgently over-ruled by others to the contrary. And this I have found a great error in my nature, to have bin more apt to gratifie others then my self, and to beleeve them often more wise and trusty, * 1.5 then there was due cause; a miserable condition of the better natures: Engagement to wife, and servants made over-necessary take away the liberty of our re∣solutions; to intend thrift is commonly enough to enrich, but wo∣ful experience teacheth me that diseases and crosses such may come, as shall turne the strongest out of his way. No man more abhor∣red debt, felling, and felling, then my selfe: yet few have more incurred them. No man almost hath allowed himselfe lesse cost or sensuality then I: yet the diversions my disease hath urged me unto, have set another face upon mee, towards such as were not acquainted with my inside and native affections. Few have more affected the service of King, Country, and Freinds: not have by ac∣cident

bin more unserviceable. I ever extreamely fancyed my chief feat; yet fear of cost in fitting the house, and heighth of charge in living there by occasion of such an eminent fear, with other ac∣cidentall considerations, kept me thence, till such time as my for∣tune was most unfit for that, and it for me: and yet against much reason and interest of my own, I was drawn with relation to my predecessors and posterity to settle my self there, with so much cost and * 1.6 trouble, as (but by the grace of God) it is a wonder how in such indisposition and lownesse, I have undergone. This the good God can doe, and howsoever it shall please him to dispose of me, (whose preserving hand I confesse I have wonderfully found) may it please him to make my life and death to his glory, it is all my ambition, Many unluckie circumstances, like that of a free minde entered into Court with a pent fortune, I omit, partly in respect of others, and partly as fit to be confined to my self, who have suffered their perplexities and contrarieties. Gods grace is all in all, for the best of us is subject to be carryed away, both a∣gainst what we know, and what we would. Such a blindnesse steales us from our selves.

This Discourse which I have these many yeares at times bin in∣clined unto, and have forborn, in respect of the little credit or use which it might beare, and the confused nature of it, ill befitting my health and condition, wrapping my self in an honest conscience to my self, and having long since put off the world and worldly cen∣sure: yet have I at last thus tumultuarily adventured upon it; ha∣ving not cost me much above two houres in one afternoon: where∣in though I cannot vindicate my self (for alas! who can against er∣rors so seeming easy to have bin avoided?) yet I can be content that such of mine as love me and truth, should find me here such as I have bin, and not such as I may be traduced.

Iune the first, 1637.

I Must not forget to thank God that my fortune is not utterly ru∣in'd, considering how all helpes and hopes have failed me, in my cure and otherwise, how costly diversions have bin unto me, wher∣by to support my self, and how unfit I have bin in the mean time to look to my estate: Debauch and gluttony have spoyled many a body and fortune; scrupulous abstinence and care mine.

Though I acknowledge my fortune and estate left me was such, as by this time I could in likelihood have so improved, as that my quality should not require a better, yet this give me leave to make appear, that being engaged to mariage before eighteen yeares of age, I had my quality left unto me with an estate of revenew not

above six hundred pounds per Annum de claro, little improvement to be made of a long time, by reason of long leases and Joyntures: Parkes and Houses I had to betray me, and I was left so barely as my Predecessor dying at Michaelmas, I had nothing to sustain me till the next rent dayes.

This would trouble a tender spirit to know which way to turn, especially with other crosse circumstances in fortune.

I must insert one vow made by me which cost me a great part of my estate, having against my intentions intangled my conscience thereby, upon an unhappy accident of the greater house at turned into my hands, at such time when I was throughly resol∣ved for thrift in a most private course, a quite other way.

Though I have made alienations for great summes, yet know, that many thousands I laid out in building at London, and buying in Lease, and the wood, which did but return to me in the sale, and many thousands of the sale remained beyond the debts, where with my sonne hath been enabled to make some purchases, and by Gods grace will make more reparation with the monies remaining. I thank God, with all my necessities, I have left my Sonne both his freedom of choice, and Wives por∣tion. Whosoever shall take notice of great possessions passed through, and away from our Family, let them know, that the most of them were but in Transitu, by the way of Mart, never intended to be kept; I must be content to appeare the only unthrift, how∣soever my unthriftinesse had not its root from my self, but rather from fatall mis-accident, and Predecessors undue consideration.

The good God be pleased to blesse my Sonne, and make him as happy, as I have been unhappy. For my whole life (since I have been a man) hath been but a conflict with the worst of diseases, and a wearisom seeking for contentment, plunged in an inextrica∣ble gulf of all misery; another man possibly would not have come off so well in fortune, body, or minde.

Good God, how vaine and miserable a thing is man without thy good Spirit to direct him? by nature corrupt, by Art Sophisticate and confounded: how lost in the ignorance, and inexperience of youth? how short of the tranquillitie of other creatures? how of∣ten ruin'd by accident, by mistaken courses; I, by that which men call good nature? yet happy (in worldly account) are they whose natures lead them, not only to affect thrift, (which many by reason of other, not bad affections, imperfectly doe) but to make it their pleasure, their felicity, which humor throughly possessing them, plea∣seth, profiteth, and advanceth them in fortune and reputation: whilst others bred to more ingenuous and faire appearing waies and studies unthriftily miscarry. How ill, & unadvisedly do Parents provide for their young Heires, giving them Tutors for Learning, and Arts, neg∣lecting

their instruction in true Vertue, and use of the world and their fortunes? How lamentable it is to see many (who if left to them∣selves would doe well enough in the world) over-swaied by others, and so turned out of their way, as that they cannot recover them∣selves. But alas! why suppose I it would goe well with us, if left to our selves? who know nothing more assuredly then this, that all humane wit and resolution are vaine, without the powerfull Grace of God to assist us. That I implore, that alone is my com∣fort and support, that sweetens all the bitternesse of fortune unto me, and but for that I would a thousand times as resolutely and constantly have left this life, as others fondly and dotingly imbrace it; Christian Religion had need be maintained in our hearts by a strong hand from above, seeing it abridgeth us not only of our ge∣nerall liberty of this worlds delights, but even of the freedome of leaving the world, when it affordeth no delight unto us.

Iune the seventh, 1637.

MAny things concurred to make me melancholy, as a Com∣plection Sanguine, inclined to delight and pleasure. Yet with∣all a naturall scrupulosity of election, sensible of faire reputation and thrift, affected with knowledge, and at length a consciencious tendernes of Faith and Religion, working me the greatest happi∣nesse, but not without great perplexity. I was young entred at Court, and by accident quickly dis-heartned for that course. The use of my fortune in the Country was by want of meanes to keepe a comely house, and other many crosse respects, not free unto me; and though afterwards I was drawn to house-keeping against my will and Discourse, yet both in my estate and disease (by the care & retirednesse incident thereunto, especially in a short fortune) it pro∣ved most pernicious unto me. My disease likewise was much, if not originally occasioned in my body by an over-using of new Trea∣kle against a danger of the Plague, which I fell into by Mr. San∣ders his death thereof neere to me in his travell with me, at his re∣turn from London, the first of King Iames. As also by an over∣spare and evill diet, who for long together fed on little meate of good nourishment but only fat, dredgings, Skinnes, and such like, and in truth, scarce ever man of my strong constitution and health gave lesse way to himself in pleasing his appetite. This, and much more wrought an alteration upon my minde, and made me seek a supply of former pleasures, by entertaining my self with studies, and my importunate thoughts, which (by my ignorance how the minde might over-presse and wrong the body) I made most mis∣chievous unto me. These oppressions cast me upon costly diversi∣ons, and with disease and expence of spirits brought me so low, as I could never recover. So that all the effects of melancholy, as

weaknesse of memory, countenance, and faculties, with oppressi∣on of minde, which long and miserably afflicted me, proceeded from nothing more then the waste of my spirits, losse of blood, and over-thinking, with extraordinary obstructions of all my inward parts. I contesse I have been a most intemperate man, but it hath been only in the excesse of my thoughts, else I think no man can charge me that any vain inordinate humour hath transported mee. And so my minde (as I have often been charged) and that dange∣rous Master, fancy, and a naturall doubtfulnesse (especially upon hard and questionable termes) have afflicted me. Thus may con∣traries breed the same effects, ruine as well from undue care as care∣lesnesse. I could (in probability) have preserved my self from much harme of any other disorder.

Iune the seventh, 1637.

OH God, how great and just are thy judgements, how wonder∣full thy mercies, how extraordinarily canst thou humble us by the one, and relieve us by spirituall graces in the other? how great a work it is, and how many degrees are required to effect a firm conversion upon us? I most humbly thank thee for the gracious effects I have found thereby; such, as hadst thou not sent mee temporall afflictions, I must have been eternally miserable. Let no man rely upon his own strength, resolutions, and precautions; for when God hath a work in hand, and leaveth us to our selves, we shall finde our selves so dementated, as that we shall bee able to make no use thereof to our good. Wee shall finde our selves so imprisoned, so way-laid, against what we would or should do for our help, that it will become impossible for us to make use of our selves and ordinary meanes, &c.

It proveth (as I apprehended) that once entered in, I should hardly finde the way out of this deep, thorny thicket. My health and life have been lately so desperate, as it is little adventure to undergoe any thing; and indeed my nature hath been too prone to put many things to the hazard. The rule of quod dubitas ne feceris, had been much better observed; but alas! what rules can be strong enough, not to be overborn by our blinded precipitate passions and fate, &c.

I neither must, nor will specifie the numerous particularities of my mis-fortunes. Only thus much I will say, that from my com∣ming from under the rod to this present, I have successively met, first with dangerous diseases in the University, then with ingage∣ments and accidents of consequence to my whole fortune and

course: then with such a melancholy as dasht all my spirits and countenance, otherwise strong and bold: then with extremity of divers sicknesses, which more dejected me: then with a ruinous vow: then with losse of children, and other heavy disgraces, the effect of my disease: then with desperate effects of mistaken powder * 1.7 and course of Physick: and after all this and much more, &c. Though generally I so despaired of life, as not to dare to venture any thing upon it, to buy some place to support me in my fortune and against my disease by diversion, yet I once attem∣pted that course, and was most strangely and causlessely put by. Sometimes I have resolved for a course in the Warres (as against the Turk) and then came Peace and Truce. In truth, imployment (in likely-hood) would have prevented the weight of my dis∣ease.

Many things which appeared in mee affected courses of plea∣sure and vanity, were in truth laid hold on by mee for diversi∣ons and supports of my oppressed spirits, against the violence of my disease.

Iune the ninth, 1637.

WHen I think what my fortune hath been, and how long and continuall the afflictions which I have indured, as well in minde and body, as in my estate, I make question whether many yeares (if not ages) doe not passe in the whole world, without paralleling my sufferings. None but an extream melancholy man can conceive them, which yet have been aggravated in me by a contrary and most sensible complection; no body, but of an ex∣traordinary strong constitution, could have undergone them. How often have I thought my self at my end? How often wished it? and yet hath it pleased God miraculously to preserve me. Oh that it might please him thereby to worke his glory and service! O∣therwise how long have I been, and now am, from desiring it? I confesse my self infinitely faulty, both towards God, Man, and my self, but withall strangely unhappy in the occasionall circumstances and concurrencies of my mischiefes; I have evi∣dently discerned an extraordinary and high hand therein, and I most humbly thank God, who hath by degrees brought mee home unto him. I have long subsisted only under the shelter of his wings, and desire nothing but his favour to my end. No∣thing else hath supported me, nor could, nor can; my minde and fancy were naturally active, and for want of outward imploy∣ment besitting them and mee, turned and wrought upon my spirits. If I had, notwithstanding all objections, settled at at the first, I had found that center

and quiet, the want whereof infinitely hurt me by giving way to my fancy to be over-much working upon it, before I put such course in execution. I at last gave way to prevent the like incon∣venience of trouble of minde and cost, which might befall my Son in a just affection of setling there. I confesse that in projecting what concerneth us, it is not unnecessary to be possessed of a summary disposition therein, but to descend to an exact punctuality of per∣ticulars (in a precautious speculation) before time and opportu∣nity of acting and execution, is commonly as vain as troublesome. Fancy may please and infatuate it self therein, but the present view and circumstance of things to be presently acted, is that which gives the finall order and determination, with a contradicting and retract∣ing nullity, to our prepensed conceits and resolutions.

Iune 11. 1637.

SApiens dominabitur Astris, is a pretty saying, but if not apply∣ed and restrained to godly and divine wisdome, as farre from truth, as the Starres are short of God. It is extraordinary, that in all my course of a long life, I should ever meet with hinderances and crosses, even when I have most strived to avoid them, and ne∣ver with any thing of help and ease; yet this for my comfort, and to exempt me from envying others, if I would but in an ordinary measure have digressed from my austerer wayes, to my Sonne and mee, there might have been a larger proportion of honor, autho∣rity, and fortune. God knows what is best for us, and I affect no∣thing, but according to the fairest meanes, and his good pleasure. That noble friend of mine, who upon consideration of the naturall strength of my body and minde, wondering at my infirmity and disabling in my fortune, in conclusion imputed it to my having been put out of my way, upon what ground, I know not, but I am sure he was not mistaken. For first, my early mariage in a short fortune abated the edge and alacrity of my spirits; next the course and conversation of the Court by accident made unfit and unfa∣vourable to me, having entered upon it, was no small dejection; my self also by the examination and test of discourse, contradict∣ing * 1.8 and restraining my naturall and youthfull inclinations (which other young men use with a full saile to give way to and uncon∣trolledly please themselves) amated and contristated my minde. But above all the good Spirit of God, (whose wayes and religion are opposit to flesh and blood and consequently to me and mine in nature) brought such a conflict upon me as proves at first to cor∣rupt nature ever harsh and perplexed, with many reluctations, win∣nings and losings of ground, but by degrees and successions of grace, sweetly recompenseth all our conflicts, all our sufferings.

Good God, how sweet and admirable are thy mercies, which never faile to relieve and deliver them who persevere to call and rely upon thee! Oh the tumultuous condition of a melancholy tainted minde! Oh the Herculean labour to oppose and represse it! How thoughts impetuously like Hydra's heads grow upon us as fast as we allay and cut them off? Iun•• should have set Her∣cules to that task, to have plagued him more then all his Monsters, all his labors. It was truly said of it, that it is Hospitium calamita∣tis, & quamcunque rem malam quares, illic invenies. It insinuates it self at first as a flattering friend, but in the trecherous sweetnesse of it we drown and lose our selves like unluckie flies, &c.

Proh Iupiter, quantum mortalia pectora caecae noctis habent! how many wayes there are for us to lose our selves in this worlds La∣byrinth? and how many miscarry before they understand where they are, why they came, & what they have to doe▪ some lose them∣selves in their pleasures, others in their troubles, some finde unfortu∣nate and so dain, some a lingring ruine, some are born to ••••••re, some to stormie daies, some to journey with the wind•• in their backs, some in their faces. If fate be but a dreame, the world hath been much deceived, the constancy of it in some mens fortunes speak∣eth it more, to the Christian all is the providence of God: And there is no true plaister for the cure of a broken heart, a broken for∣tune, but the contemplation and application of his goodnesse and mercies by a lively Faith, that must be his gift, and will dispell all clouds, stormes, and discomforts. It little imports what weather we finde in a short journey, so we attain at our journeys end, a place of perdurable joy and comfort.

How full of darknesse is the minde of man? how little doe we understand? and how little are we able to make use (without Gods grace) of what we know? how often and violently are we trans∣ported as it were against our wills, against our knowledge? how obvious and neere unto us are things ordinarily most usefull and af∣fected, which yet we are most blind to discern at our need? such is our frailty, such our blindnesse; so that neither eares, eyes, knowledge, will, or understanding, are farther availeable, then it shall please God to blesse them: Hee alone it is, that gives the will and the deed, and without him the will is uneffectuall. Hee hath small experience of the world, or hath little observed him∣self, who hath not this experience. It hath pleased God to have blessed mee with some understanding, some industry, and some holy affections towards him. All have failed mee, and in all I have been failing to my self, yet through many falls and frail∣ties, I am confident at last, by his great mercy to have attained such Grace, as will abide with mee to my eternall comfort.

God grant mee to my end, the antidote of Faith, and confi∣dence of his mercies in Christ, &c.

August 8. 1637.

IT is good to referre our selves to God, who best knows what is good for us. In the discourse of death, I fell in my first man∣hood to affect that * 1.9 kinde which was least long and languishing, (supposing ever a constant preparation) but it hath pleased God contrariwise, that I have spent a great part of my time, facing and struggling with seeming imminent death, so farre have I been from injoying the pleasures and contentments that this world affordeth to others. I humbly thank God, who hath given me patience, and without his grace and respect to him, my resolution could never have undergone it. Melancholy, the taint and canker of our mindes, bodies, and fortunes, how many wayes, and easily art thou contracted? how almost impossible to be cured? how in∣evitably incident to many; yea, the strongest mindes, especially when many perplexities, and crosse accidents doe at once assault them?

For my part, besides my mischievous disease bred in my body, which naturally working upon the mind, made all more sowre and difficult. I met with crosse ambiguities, and judications in almost all that concerned me, or that I affected: I confesse (that which now more tormenteth me) a resolution and course might have been taken to have prevented (in reason) the unhappinesse which I have found and bred, but alasse, I was nipt in my bud, destitute of experience and good advise, met with times opposite, and such a disposition of my own, as could neither abandon it self to pleasure, nor rigid enough to * 1.10 profit, though ever so sensible therein, as never to allow my self a ruinous delight. My ex∣pences had never the ground of pleasing my self; though our ar∣tificiall humane condition be full of ambiguity, and some mindes more then others, of various complection. Yet had I mist my dis∣ease, I might (with Gods grace) as well as another, have extri∣cated my self; a soule hard to please, and a pregnant fancy, are of the most troublesome guests a man can lodge. I have at length learnt so to disaffect this world and worldly pleasure, that by Gods grace, I am onely pleased in him. It was a hard con∣quest, &c.

August 8. 1637.

MAn, certainely in his naturals, as more abounding in fancy, is more variable then other creatures, yet more Sophisti∣cated, by * 1.11 Art, and policy, by Religion crossing his nature, cast into further ambiguities and perplexities, difficulties, and dispro∣portions in his condition and fortune, with respect to his quality and ingagements, aggravate and intricate him often more, but when a rooted Melancholy once seizeth him (as by many accidents as well as naturally it often doth) then to dis-intangle from the crosse considerations incident to a perverse fortune, will trouble a strong minde. Nay, so hard is it to reconcile the inconveni∣encies, to finde and take the best in the courses of the world, that the stronger and larger the minde is which is to choose, the harder it findes it to please it selfe, and the more it plungeth it self to in∣combrance and disease.

How easie are conveniencies to be found? how hard it is to find them? how easie it seems to please our selves? how hard to please God and our selves? how often have I opposed my fancy and affection by a way of abstinence and frugality, which yet hath proved most improsperous unto me? how often have I by Gods grace preferred him before all worldly delights, and yet wanted the grace of constancy? What shall I say? if ever man plaid a long heavy unhappy part upon the stage of this world, it is my self, &c.

August 21. 1637.

NO care is more naturall or necessary, then for Parents to en∣ter their young ones into a proportionable fortune, and faire course, to be able to live in the world; the direction of a Father to his Childe therein is of main importance. I was left young and greatly wanted it, had I been left single, young as I was, I was resolved never to have marryed, but so as to have set my self at ease for house-keeping, and other charges which attend it, accor∣ding to my quality.

My minde was not so loose, but that I could have contained my self in expence, for till I was lost in my disease, I gave many yeares proofe thereof. That error hath been verifyed upon me, which is said of fooles, that they ever begin to live.

Time and necessity, the great rectifiers of our courses, have made me see my faults, and accommodate that which I thought impossible.

August 22. 1637.

MIserable condition of my fortune and the melancholy humor: how one while for an evasion, it diverts it self by a working imagination, how there may be a bettering? other-while it ag∣gravates it self upon consideration how incurred mis-fortune might have been avoided? both fruitlesse and perplexing.

September 26. 1637.

THere is little commiseration due to such as entering upon a faire and full accommodation of house and fortune, wastfully consume and abuse it: With me it was farre otherwise, yet young as I was, had I been left with money in my hands, or had raised moneys to my self by what I had, I was not so loose fingred, as not to have kept or imploy'd it to my advantage. I am confident that many an Heire ruineth his fortune; who, did he enter upon Monies, as well as Lands, would thrive and do well.

To a nature not foolishly dissolute and prodigall, money sets ra∣ther an edge of increase then dissipation: Ignoti nulla cupido. It was a rationall way to reclaim that prodigall which is recorded, by shewing him those massie heaps that were to goe to discharge his wastefull debts; the eye makes the most effectuall impression. I have known a Prince, who was insensible of giving great summes by word, yet was tenacious of what once came into his hands: as the hand naturally, so money politically, is the instrument of instruments; without it, like Ships without water, the wisest and most active can make little use of themselves. Gods blessing I ever imply, for without that the builder buildes, and watchman watches but in vaine.

How unhappy is the condition of an unquiet minde? and how hard it is for a spirit sharpe sighted, and sensible to inconveniencies and advantages, to maintain a tranquillity amidst the unsound and humorous incidents of this life? so little is the reality, and so va∣rious the apparitions of humane contentment. Fortune is to some a mother, to others a stepdame, some she humours, some she cros∣ses from their infancy; and whatsoever is said of every mans forge∣ing his own fortune, he knows little who findes not greater abili∣ties miscarry, when inferiour succeed. We made not our selves, nor the times, and other circumstances we live in, whose corre∣spondencies (shall in despight of us) import us; Good Mariners are often sunk at Sea, when ill ones arrive at good Harbour: for me, I acknowledge in my self (through my whole course) many errors, yet have I found such an unhappy constellation of fatali∣ty over-rule me, that what course soever I had taken, I can hardly

perswade my self, I could have had any better issue: moderation, sobriety, care, Religion it self, (preservatives to others) have been to my fortune, body, and minde, flayles and rocks, yet all con∣ducible and necessary to a better life, &c. I thank God for all, and desire no more but his Grace, in granting me either patience, or a faire deliverance from this worlds miseries and corruption; I have long hated and despised the world, and all the fraile vanities that others dote upon; I finde every day more and more the nulli∣ties, the wickednesse of its pleasures, &c.

September 27. 1637.

HAd I my full strength, and clearenesse of spirits, had I much more knowledge, and would and could conveniently bestow much more time in working, these over-flowings of my heart and brain, yet such is the obscure confusion of this sophisticated world and my naturall curiosity (by melancholy, much more hard to please) that I should never satisfie my self, in writing what be∣longs to this or any other Subject: I would willingly by these e∣vaporations impart, with ease to my self, some impressions to my friends, how there hath gone as much fate as fault to effect my misery, and to occasion them to resent and compassionate the wretchednesse of humane condition, by representing my self none of the worst-endowed with parts of body, minde, and estate, thriftily and temperately affected, become neverthelesse most te∣diously miserable in them all; such hath been Gods will, and such in despight of nature and reason shal be his condition, whom accident and circumstance conspire to afflict. A Doctor of Phy∣sick told me long since, that I had too much minde for my body, but never advised me the moderation of the one, and naturall im∣provement of the other. I thank God, towards him who is the chiefe good, it is the better for me, and good for me that I have been troubled; I confesse I had naturally a strong, active, and sensible minde, yet not such, but if I had escaped accidentall me∣lancholy, I might well have tempered it, but when that seizeth upon us, things otherwise easily to be passed over, become full of scruple and perplexity. My * 1.12 over using of Treakle, hot and dry, in my youth, first bred the alteration in my body and minde. I knew not what I ayled, nor whence it proceeded, but enforcedly yeelded to melancholy effects, such as retirednesse, over-reading, and over-thinking, little as then conceiving how the body should become oppressed by so abstracted a thing as the mind.

My first studies in the way of morality and Scepticisme, took off my edge from worldly delights. Gods good Spirit afterwards was a check to me against them, by whose mercy I was never free

from perplexity till of late, I will by his grace fix my self upon him, and leave off to ruminate upon, much more to enumerate my infinite past misgovernments and misfortunes. God be praised, my Sonnes beginnings are as well, if not better, then ever yet were any of our Family.

Crosse tydes, they say, make the Irish Seas so troublesome and dangerous; there is a proportion of bearing beyond which wee sink. I was in my prime youth encountered with many unfavoura∣ble dysasters, &c.

The great change of the Court, and long greatnesse of them whom accident, &c. My * 1.13 absence in travaile hindering my falling in with those times, my retirednesse by that course and over-exact study of language, which certainly is proper only to children, to whom it comes insensibly, and is most troublesome to curious spirits, these and much more conspired against me.

I would when my fortune was whole, have matched my Sonne then very young, and have assured my Lands upon him for a reason∣able portion; it could not bee. My Predecessor after a long and desperate sicknesse lived just enough to marry me, and many stran∣ger things then these have befaln me in the Article of a Catastrophe to my fortune.

November 2. 1637.

TO say something still of diverse ambiguities and perplexities incident to my condition and fortune, which besides the acci∣dentall melancholy bred in my body, could hardly saile to work an alteration, and disease, upon a minde curious of avoiding inconve∣niencies and choosing the best, my nature was bent to ordinary plea∣sures, yet morally withdrawn to an observation of decency, ver∣tue, moderation, and improvement of knowledge, with an acqui∣site affectation of Philosophicall, Morall, Civill, and Christian per∣fection, wherein as well for vogue, fashion, and reputation, as truth, I could not willingly consent to come short of the best. When I grew towards manhood, being of myself disposed to forbeare marriage, untill I should be thirty yeares old, and then not to mar∣ry without great choyce, in fitting my self, and obtaining a ful∣nesse of fortune, to set my self at ease in my quality and that e∣state, ••&c.

I saw the inconvenience, but Wife, Children, and my disease, made me unfit for another mans house; and though I wished, yet I could not resolve a change, which to me, who could never easi∣ly admit a resolution with inconveniencies attending it, was ever

abhorrent, my naturall curiosity (whose minde was never quiet till all circumstances and conveniencies were run over and over, and accommodated by me) made all things, (especially in a seat of my own) most troublesome.

To the melancholy tainted spirit nothing is more unfit then idle∣nesse, nothing more troublesome then its curious discoursing upon resolutions, nothing more unfit then confinement to one place, yet nothing more hard, then to resolve and digest change and al∣teration.

Once marryed, I was set to seek how to live, where to live; my birth and breeding was in the City, my affection and chiefe seat in Cambridgeshire, but many strong considerations diverting mee from it. The Court where I was young entred, followed, might have kept me from that depth of melancholy; whereunto travaile, study, and retirednesse in care and fancy of what belonged to a house drowned mee; but that also by accident was unfit for me, yet at length for a strong diversion, and under so brave a patronage as that of Prince Henry, I readventured upon it, but his immature death, and much sicknesse of my own, following upon it, with o∣ther disproportions finally aliened me from that course.

Thus and much more hath my life been a conflict with disease and fortune, I have formerly touched many more particulars, yet not all, nor the worst. It is one of the greatest in satisfactions of writing to an ingenuous spirit, in most important matters to have least freedome, there are many Noli me tangere's. The contrast of Gods grace and Religion against the impetuosity of naturall affections, hath been many yeares my greatest combat, I have fought resolutely, but received many foiles, yet by the infinite goodnesse of my Saviour, I have received such most unexpected succour, that to my unvaluable comfort I triumph, &c. I have dedicated my self (next to God) wholly to my Son, and have ma∣ny years endevoured his good beyond my own. I have now made my self his Pensioner, and I wish no worldly happinesse more then his prosperity: thus with a running pen I ease my minde, which though with no serious exactnesse, yet with little prejudice to my health, for otherwise the strength of my disease would not suffer me to beare the strength and curiosity of my own discourse.

He who is subject to melancholy, let him shun as a Rock at Sea, over-studying, or tyring of his thoughts, and when he finds con∣clusions come not off cleerly, and that a restinesse of discourse grows upon him, let him give over for the present (not admitting the least tumultuation) till such a good and fit time after, as he may return new and fresh to work: by this meanes shall hee avoid much hurt of his spirits, and attain better to his ends.

In reading also, little and little at once shall dispatch more, and that without inconvenience of health, then much together to the oppression of the soule; Ne quid nimis, in all things is an excel∣lent instruction: How many a man hath tyred his horse by riding a little too fast, who might otherwise have come well to his jour∣nies end? The like is seen in expence, a very little contracting would often have given ease and thrist, where a very small over∣spending hath bred continuall want and ruine.

By my miserable experience, I could give many rules upon this worlds course and melancholy. Moderation is good, but Gods grace is above all, and without it nothing can prosper.

How lustily doth the root feed a tree, whose branches are few and small in respect?

To the all-seeing God be glory, for with us (but through him) dwels nothing, but darknesse, errour, frailty, and ignorance.

November 4. 1637.

MY gracious God, the support and guide of us and all our actions, since thou hast vouch safed to grant mee a firme and happy faith in Christ, and love of thee, with a contempt of all earthly and carnall joyes; confirm unto me, I most humbly be∣seech thee, thy heavenly graces, and the comfort of thy good Spi∣rit, for I abhorre my self whensoever that joy faileth me, or any worldly affections assault me: none more then I, knows their va∣nity, their unsoundnesse, their emptinesse of all true and perfect satisfaction, such as left mee ever to seek, ever unquiet, till such time as I wholly resigned my self unto thee. The world is a wil∣dernesse of ravenous beasts, there is no path, no safety, no con∣tentment or protection, but through thy favour: Sweet Lord, im∣part it unto me, and I shall finde that quiet and joy of heart which I have ever wanted. Helpe me, for I shall hate my self, if through the infirmity of my flesh and blood, I reap not more joy and com∣placence in my surrender to thee, and in thy grace, then ever I did or could finde in the most full and flattering pleasures, which this instable world affords. I have often found thy most mercifull and miraculous reliefe and support, beyond expectation, beyond naturall conceit.

Let thy mercy and grace continue with mee to my end, and at thy good pleasure set a period to that life, which I only hold in expectation of a happy discharge and dissolution by thee, Amen, Amen.

November 5. 1637.

A Physitian once told me upon repaire to him for my disease, that I was to resort to God, call upon him for his grace, and guide my self by him, or to like effect: I thought it then strange and improper in his profession, but I have found it spoken like my good Angell, for there is no such anchor, nor such receipt to a troubled, to an agitated soule. The melancholy humour once pre∣dominant, in despite of judgement and resolution, will obtrude im∣portunate thoughts and fancies, take occasion from almost every object, to make a troublesome and discoursing impression, make things otherwise of easie resolution anxious, and vexing, represen∣ting difficulties as fast as designes; whereunto free spirits are not in the least sort obnoxious, they are in a cleare light and alacrity, delighted in themselves, entertained and diverted with ordinary conversation, businesse, and pastime, whilest the other droope, and howsoever often naturally quick, would play upon the wing, the melancholy clog checks and pulls them to the ground. God alone is the Hercules, that can purge that Augean stable, the Aescu∣lapius who can give reliefe, ordinary Physick is but a palliation, nay often an aggravation of the disease. The powder called Kello∣wayes powder, with Gods blessing is to bee prized, for it goes to the root, it workes at length, and so as the patient may sleep, play, goe on in an ordinary diet and course, a common and long course, which urgeth keeping in, weakens, and makes tender, is mischie∣vous, and incompatible: if such powder breed inconvenience, Ep∣sam * 1.14 waters, though but a draught in a day at morning, wonderful∣ly allay and rectifie, as also the use of new and good Sider; these with Gods grace, constant exercise, and a moderation of the minde are incomparable. Probatum.

God hath given mee so strong a body and minde to beare the in∣juries I have received from my self, accident, and course of Phy∣sicke, that I admire. May it please him to make my life and death to his glory.

November 6. 1637.

GOod God, of thy great goodnesse continue thy mercy upon me, and as I have hitherto proved the truth of all worldly things to bee nothing but vanity and vexation of spirit, so be thou to me joy and comfort. It is true that my nature, education, course of life, and disease require society and diversion, the consideration of my past and present fortune is full of sadnesse, but thou canst raise light out of darknesse, and joy from sorrow, thy good spirit is the spirit of comfort, and without thee there is truely none, thou hast blessed me so farre, as to have allayed, satisfyed, and expelled

all my worldly fancies. I have fitted my house and fortune to my Son, in as much as I affected and was capable: blesse it unto him, and by thy grace exempt him from these unquietnesses which I have found; there is no perfect, no solid happinesse in this world; teach him to beare such inconveniencies as may be better born then sought (with an unquiet unsetling) to be avoided; it hath bin to me a great disease to over-humour my self therein, there will in all conditions be something amisse, a minde curious and impatient is a great mischief.

Thus appeareth that which hath been observed, that men seldom or never betake themselves to good and right courses till such time as a pressing necessity (I might rather say God) compelleth and enforceth them. Necessity (I have ever said) is the sure reformer, then and not till then, and, often after smart, we contract our selves, and contain and refrain our extravagancies, presumption, dissolu∣tion, and luxuriant fancies.

November 6. 1637.

A Searching spirit falne amongst the crudities and cavills of this worlds Sophistry and imperfections, is a great oppressor; it were well if contentions lay only, as some affirme, in the brink, and not in the depth of Sciences, search shews it farre otherwise. It is a happy spirit that can passe lightly over the things of this world, and even in matters and mysteries of Faith Curiosity is neither safe, nor allowable. I am something of the nature of those dogges, which comming into a strange place, rest not till they have ferited every corner.

It is likewise a naturall importunity with me, in any thing that concernes me in minde, body, or fortune, not to take full rest, till such time as to my capacity, I have run over all that seemeth to be∣long to such resolution, willingly I sit not down short of other men, (I mean in honesty, decency and knowledge) much lesse short of my self.* 1.15 Yet if we seriously and curiously minde these earthly things, they are full of scruple and vexation, if we slight them, a delibera∣ting nature wants much of satisfaction and contentment, and doth as it were, brutifie (and sin against) it self, yet so shall it as well Minus dolere, as gaudere.

It is that which I have long since found and affirmed, that if we set our hearts on these worldly matters, they prove foolishnesse and perturbation, if we be cold and dull in them, all things are a∣like, but it is the misery of a hot complection, that it requires en∣tertainment, hot, full, and stirring, &c.

Where grace once infuseth it self, all earthly troubles are eva∣cuated, that alone is friends, pleasure, and advantage enough, it is all-sufficient, all consolation: perfect then, good God, the in∣estimable gift of Faith, which thou hast given me, it is truely thy gift, flesh and blood cannot afford, nor relish it, thy wayes to it are wonderfull, often sharp, but most sweet in the conclusion; I kisse thy rod, I rejoyce in my afflictions, and feele that I had perished, if I had not perished.

Thou who hast rebuked the winds, and they have obeyed thee, rectifie my spirit, and calm all suggestions, all stormes within me. Then may melancholy be infectious, but not mortall: then shall I live and die to thee and thy glory, which is all my ambition, all my prayer.

November 7. 1637.

I Have not found any thing more strange, nor been more abu∣sed in any thing, then that constitution of soule which is frequent, and more or lesse incident to us all, so mixt, so Heterogene, so preg∣nant, and right of understanding in some things, and so dull and wrong in others (such commonly are they which most disturb the world, as dissonant from weaknesse as true strength of judgement, exhibiting according to the saying such productions as a fool could not, and perfection would not) so appearing docile and capable of reason and improvement, and yet in effect so insensate, incorri∣gible, and unalterable, as it is hard to conceive how such incongru∣ities and inconsequences should consist in the same subject, or in truth how they can quadrate with a soule rationall and instructible, but there is assigned to us all a naturall stature in all things, which no Art, food, or industry can inable us to exceed.

The ordering of my fortune and course, where to dwell, what to sell, or keep, what to disparke, what and how to build at or to forbeare, which to a neere consideration made no little anxiety, whether to keep house or not, finding my wife and self unfit for it, and yet as unfit to sojourn, what Physitian to use, and course to take to recover health; whether I should adven∣ture to buy imployment, which seemed necessary to my active spirits, though my life in my conceit was desperate; whether to ad∣venture upon a strong diversion by a course in Court, and how farre to comply with the times, which little complyed with my dis∣course; whether to keep or break a rash vow of importance, that cost me deare.

This and much more might well oppresse a melancholy minde; my diversions appeared as fruites of a vaine and prodigall dispositi∣on, but alasse they were nothing lesse: I hoped still to have reco∣vered my self, and then I could have thriven well enough, I was not unknown, nor wanted an easie way to preferment, but it pleased God by weakning me, by confounding me, to bring me to him, bles∣sed be his name. I reckon it a supreame happinesse, &c.

November 8. 1637.

TRuth, exactnesse, and perfection, are Oare of a rich Mine; but lye so deep, that they often hardly recompence the labour of their extraction: my end is not so much to vindicate, as to give some true knowledge of my self, and shake off the burthen of my minde to my pen and paper; it is unfit for me, and I for it, and yet I cannot avoid it: and this is one of the unreconcileable properties of my condition, I write not to please, I write not for oftentation, and if I did,

Praetulerim scriptor delirus inersque videri, Quam sapere & ringi.

It is too true that the fine curious affected shooe often wrings the foot, High seats * 1.16 are brave and Aiery, but low ones quiet. Romae Tibur amo ventosus, Tibure Romam, was a production of a fine, but windy melancholy spirit. Would I be an idolater, I would sa∣crifice to quiet and dulnesse. I will affect wit and curiosity in no∣thing, but to repent my sinnes and please my God. Gracious God it is thy infinite power and spirit, that worketh in all things vege∣table, and sensible creatures, in, and at their first production, with∣out any discourse of theirs, teaching them their nourishment, their sustentation: thou art omni-present, omniscient omnipotent, as∣sist me good God, in my discourse, in my resolution of dedicating my self wholly unto thee, &c.

November 9. 1637.

GOe now presumptuous and over-weening man, boast in thy prerogative of reason and nature, confound thy self in thy own wayes and inventions; nature may lead thee to pleasure, and profit, and so commonly it doth the most base and vulgar spirits, but it must bee an extraordinary supernaturall spirit, that can make thee thrive to this and a better world.

This the naturall man discerneth not, and the foole cannot un∣derstand,

but this the Schoole of experience, as well as of Faith, teacheth us.

Thou, Oh God, art the God of nature, but the wayes of na∣ture, and Religion are so diverse, that it is a kinde of irreligion to seek or measure thee in natures course, the course of thy Spirit and judgement run another way, they, thy decrees, thy graces, are all supernaturall and wonderfull, to thee be ascribed all wisedome, ju∣stice, power, and Majesty.

And here my most gracious God, I humbly thank thee for thy mercifull and wonderfull support through my whole course, to my body, to my minde, to my fortune; for it equals any thing that I can call strange, that I have subsisted through all my stormes and sufferings, without having incurred utter scorn and ruine: shipwrack is not ill escaped with losse, and a good haven at last is not a little joy, though thy storms have all past over me: and seeing I have used this term of the Psalmes, I cannot let passe how most ap∣posit and accommodate, I have found many of them to my con∣dition, as the 88. and divers others, in my friends being remo∣ved farre from mee, and sundry other passages. Lord I humbly thank thee, that thou hast so made my face ashamed, as that I have got and found thee, and found that of thy very mercy and faith∣fulnesse I have been troubled; I can now call thee the God of my Salvation, my countenance, and confidence, for I have found the beames of thy mercy, so to comfort me in darknesse and mise∣ry, as that I doubt not to apply to my self, as well the Psalmes of consolation, as I have done those of complaint and distresse.

I can now look upon all this worlds glories, pleasures, and va∣nities, with contempt and pity: continue thy mercies, and I have heaven upon earth, thou art perfection of Philosophy, thou art the true Summum bonum, in thee is all fulnesse, all joy.

Humane discourse and resolution can doe much, but first moti∣ons and surprises upon the minde, disturb nature, concoction, and the spirits, even in meere nullities of conceit, in despight of a firm faith and reason, it is from God alone to prevent them, to allay them.

Tentations are often above the power of flesh and blood to resist: the melancholy humour is most violent in hot and active spirits and constitutions. There it estuates, there it ferments and boyles, how it suggests, confounds, resolves, and then again forgets the cir∣cumstances of a former resolution, and by forgetfulnesse, or a new predominancy of humour, relapses to a fresh rumination, and confusion upon the same subject. Melancholy at the first is a que∣rulous humor, but in extremity it wraps it self in silence, and ex∣ceeds

expression, it dwels in inward conflicts, hopes by Gods grace the best, prepares for the worst.

November 9. 1637.

HOw gracious and good (O God) art thou, that wilt be found in trouble, and become the relief of that calamitous Soule, which had neglected thee in the times of seeming prosperity! Thy wonders appeare in the deep, and out of the deep thou art called upon; the deep of distresse, the deep of Melancholy discover the wonders of thy Judgements, of thy power and mercy, even as the Starres and glory of the heavens is discerned out of a deep well, not otherwise appearing.

Lord, with what a fulnesse doe I labour to expresse thy glory and my comfort! even in that, temper me, or I shall be confoun∣ded. Ipsa faelicitas se nisi temperat premit. Vouchsafe to demon∣strate in mee by my life and actions, what my pen cannot ex∣presse.

What was said of Fortune is true of God, Occaecat hominum ani∣mos cum vim suam ingruentem refringi non vult. According to Gods determinate counsell, wee discern, or are blind, we judge, resolve and execute aright, or lose and confound our selves in errour and folly. Thy decrees, O Lord, are irresistible.

November 11. 1637.

HAd I been left a freedom in my self, or been constant to my own Discourse and inclination in the ordering of my wayes, it might have been wordly fortune enough unto me, but I found my self pent, fettered, and intricated in all my course, many changes, inconveniences and incongruities brought upon me, little fair way to a fair minde, betrayed to worse, though older counsell then my own, which in some things to my prejudice, I followed, though not in all.

Aestuat, & rerum disconvenit ordine toto,

Is truely mine; happy for this world are they, who fall upon an equability of minde and fortune, fitted and sutable to the times, and their condition: now to me, Ut placeas, debes immemor esse tui, is not sufficient, I have contracted infirmity, decay, and age: know∣ledge, resolution, * 1.17 precepts, Philosophy, all earthly advan∣tages without God, are of little effect, and as little comfort, they

all stand aloose, like false friends at a time of need, when the sur∣prises, and precipitations of nature and fortune carry us away in despight of them, in despight of our selves.

Thou my God, canst reconcile all strifes and discordances, and wilt at last (though not till the last) refine us from all our drosse, all our corruptions, wholly perfect, wholly sanctifie, wholly fit us for the serene peace and joy of thy Kingdome, &c.

November 13. 1637.

MAny have been the evill consequences of my disease, yet such qua cadere possunt in virum probum, if not fortem, and such as (God be thanked) have not made me in worldly wayes, do things false, fordid, base, or dishonorable, by his grace as rigid and in∣superable to the world, as humble and submisse to him, contrite and broken to him, in morall vertue inflexible and entire.

Sir Edward Coke was wont to say, that let his Son order mat∣ters as he would, he should never take more pleasure in spending, then hee had done in getting: and I may say, that never man suf∣fered more in getting, then I have done in my consumption. Gods will must have effect, Caesar alone in sobriety was the overthrow of his mother Common-wealth. I was ever farre from being Epicure, or Riotous; God at his good pleasure can permit some men to pro∣sper by their prodigality and Luxury, whilest others ruine them∣selves with their thrifty intentions.

A constant course is the way of thrift, as not to be diverted by ambition, nor over-studying for the improvement of the minde, Alias res agendo, with a neglect of domestique fortune, in an oeco∣nomicall way, but without Gods good influence, even that often does and shall miscarry. I and many others by an over-affecting of melioration, have spoiled all, like him that darkned his roomes by much inscribing [Fiat Lux] in his windowes.

These papers I know may appeare imperfect, I would the best of us in Christianity were not such: It was a right observation, that it is hard to be throughly good or bad; we are constituted of contrary Elements in our bodies, in our mindes. It were hap∣py if Religion it self were maintained in its purity, it runs through the conduits of humane discourse, and it is to be feared, that it often carries with it too much tincture of humane conceit, and po∣licy, yea often to our own abuse and mischiefe. Marriage is a ho∣ly thing.

I wish Gods institution were rightly understood, and observed therein, in the undertaking, in the pressing, in. the course, in the dissolution: certainly there can bee nothing more unchristian, then for man and woman to come together, and live together, as or∣dinarily they doe; and possibly a great part of the world might at this day have been Christian, more then is, if man had not cast more constraint and restraint upon it then God.

I am perswaded, no Treatise could prove more Christian and usefull, then if some able man would exhort people in generall, not to ru••h into mariage so rashly and corruptly, Parents to leave their Children full freedome with their consent in so important a case, and Princes to take into further consideration that Norman Gottish Law, which occasions precipitate, unsutable, and imma∣ture Mariages, and proves the ruine of infinite good Families.

The Romish Priesthood saw something, when it exempted it self; I hate a false, politique, and hypocriticall Christian, better bee without all knowledge, then due observance in Religion. Igno∣rance is a better plea with God, then halting.

As I have formerly said upon perusing of these my writings, I finde many confused repetitions, which could not otherwise hap∣pen, considering how cursorily they passed my pen, without exa∣mination, without deliberation, without method, they are raptures, they are ruptures of a loaded spirit, I have affected thereby to dis∣burthen my self, but my perturbations and notions lye so deep, and pestered, that I have still rested unsatisfied in giving them their full and due light and birth. I doe like the dogge at the River of Nile, a lap and away for feare of the Crocodile.

The Melancholy humour is indeed like the Nile, the originall hardly known, the overflowing breeds infinite venemous strange creatures, and monsters, yet by Gods grace a * 1.18 happy fertility may be raised from it: Melancholy, and retirednesse, one of its children, work us either too much good or evill, it affects exactnesse, and sits not down in a mean; Gods saving grace ordinarily draws good out of evill, and where it works leaves not, till it habituates us in as much perfection as humane frailty can beare. Religion and pie∣ty are of those meats, that are better wholly refrained, then to eat but a little; but the Melancholy humour, as it is the sauce of the body to stirre an appetite, so moderately used, it is like a sauce or salt to season all things, but in abundance it is both most un∣pleasant and hurtfull.

Few men have more tempered, and resisted the importunities

and strong impressions which it breeds, then my self, which though I have not performed without much frailty, yet but by Gods most gracious assistance, I could never have done so well.

The Melancholy soule dwels in so tainted a cask upon such a dunghill, the body is full of such mud and dregges, that it must not be over-much stirred, and prest upon by any course, or discourse; for like the sea, it works and swels a long time after.

November 28. 1637.

THis artificiall world, or rather second Chaos of mans making, hath been to me, and is to many, an instrument whose Mu∣sick is not worth the tuning, nor the tuning worth the strings that are stretched and broken about it. Many a good man makes here such a voyage, as many have done in the discovery of the North∣west passage. Much industry and patience, wrestling with moun∣taines of seas, ice, and rigour of weather, and in the end glad to recover their Country, with their victuals spent, and their Vessell weather-beaten, having found little but the vanity of their voy∣age, and that what they sought, is not at all, or hardly to bee found.

Here the ingenuous and ingenious nature findes it self intricated, here it toyles and spends it self, and by that time it hath made dis∣covery of this worlds vanities, and in any good sort surmounted them, by that time it understands what nature * 1.19 and what grace will beare and comport with, it becomes so infeebled in health and fortune, that there remaines nothing but to wish a happy return to our heavenly Country: And as those Northern climates are found onely inhabited by wilde, crafty, and ravenous beasts, so is the world incompatible to an honest sincere Religious disposition, hea∣ven is the proper spheare of goodnesse and perfect sanctification.

I am contented not to destroy these papers, because they carry in them many great graces and good motions of Gods Spirit up∣on me, and will or may, like so many pictures, hereafter serve to shew and witnesse me, as well to my self, as to others, what then I was, even through their crude, unpremeditate, unreviewed con∣fusion, which with the imployment of some more accurate labour and diligence, I confesse I might correct, but having satisfyed my self in their private production, I am contented to let them passe lame and disordered as they are: some also may make happy use of my unhappy observations and errors.

December 7. 1637.

AS he that travelleth towards a mountainous Country, climing one hill discovers still more and farther, both in prospect, and to be ascended, or like Sisyphus his stone, still begetting new la∣bour; so is there no end of writing. Infinite have been the writings, and might be, upon the melancholy Subject, and innumerable have been my sufferings, and conflicts in it, more then are fit to be revolved, or related, wherefore I must desist; no humour is more eagerly set upon entertainment, diversions, and delight, none more necessarily require and urgeth it, but thus incident is it unto it, to trouble and infest it self in its entertainments, hardly moderated, hardly contained, and satisfyed; they had need to be such, as are of a nature to entertain the minde without over-busying the fancie, idlenesse is pernicious, and businesse cumbersome. Gods good assistance and spirit must be the best and only support and guide.

How subtle and witty in farre fetcht and strained apprehensions and impressions, is the melancholy tainted spirit to its own hurt and disturbance? without Gods help, and a firm faith and resolu∣tion to oppose it, it were incapable to maintain it self.

There were no end in setting down incidences and conceits, as they obtrude themselves. It is best in this case to be abrupt, crush∣ing of this root affords inexhaustible juice, but of importune, malign and venemous effect; Mans spirit is infinite, and so our discourses.

November 29. 1637.

ANd now most gracious God, I render unto thy divine Maje∣sty most humble thanks for thy wonderfull preservation to this day, for as I have discerned thy extraordinary, supereminent hand in humbling me, I have no lesse participated of thy mercies in my relief, even then when I have been brought so low, that both in body and minde I have conceived my self incapable of all hu∣mane help, or evasion; this hath often transported me to an exta∣sie, and admiration of thy infinite goodnesse. It hath taught me to be other, then such as resent not thy wayes and judgements, how thou art all in all the Author of all, but especially good motion; many who feel not the motion of their heart in ordinary, doe yet in an extraordinary trouble and distemper of the spirits, take no∣tice how then it beateth within them, and how by the motion of it they move, and are glad to comfort and strengthen it; so fareth it with men neglecting the motions of thy Spirit within them, by which in their best prosperities they ought to move, in tribulation they resent it, they are glad to comfort it, and seek their supream comfort from it. Thy providence is the current, in which wee all

insensibly move, all our sailes and oares cannot carry us out of it, he is an ignorant Navigator who knows not this.

Thou, Oh God, art the Starre, the Loadstone, the Neptune of our voyage in this world, be thou my current, my guide, and to thee be all my Sacrifice. Flexanimity is thine alone, and but for the favour of thy good spirit, I had been shipwrackt upon a thou∣sand Rocks. I have been put to encounter crosse winds, and waves, the Leviathan of diseases, and that like a Vessell without Mast, Sailes, Oares, or Stern, or at least tottered and disabled in all my naturall furniture, my spirits wasted, my blood consumed, &c. Yet through all these defects, all these stormes, thou hast appea∣red my mighty deliverer, redeemed mee from the swallow of infi∣nite threatning gulfes, &c.

The Plant may attribute growth to its own vertue, but what were it without the Sun? or what motion hath the heart of man but by Gods grace? &c.

December 2. 1637.

THe Melancholy humour is of the nature of what is written of the Hectique Feaver, in the beginning hardly discerned, and easie of cure, but in processe of time too manifestly discovering it self, and hard to bee remedied: From the upper regions of the Aire, proceed the inundations and corruptions of the lowest: It fa∣reth so in the body of man; the Head, Heart, and Stomach (I might say principally the Minde) breed the crudities, impurities, and obstructions of Liver, Spleen, Miseraiques, and the lower bel∣ly, which by their evill noxious vapours and effects, revenge them∣selves upon their superiors, offending and infesting them with great trouble and mischiefe, insomuch as some have made a superstition in the bowelling of dead bodies for a perpetuall purity.

I have had experience of the truth of such discourse, and have by Gods grace, and great agitation of my inward parts, wonder∣fully preserved my selfe; it may be all in vain, but whilest wee live we are to doe the uttermost and best we can for our selves.

OH the lamenesse, oh the misery of mankinde! having attain∣ed some principles and elements, we presently presume we know all things; then we doubt, then we question, and in conclu∣sion our humane knowledge proves ignorance and cavill: To know God is the onely true knowledge, all else is vanity and con∣fusion.

Good God, teach me to subsist as well in thee as by thee, and I am happy, do thou support me, and it is alacrity sufficient; mo∣derate my working spirit in my petty imployments, and I will e∣steem it no small matter to spend my time well in Piety, Charity, and some worldly trifles; I never affected any thing more, then to doe good, and be usefull in good wayes, but to be imployed without power and freedome, or in matters unsutable and unplea∣sing to my affections and discourse, I have ever preferred a private quiet, and exemption, affecting rather to exercise a power of com∣posing homebred inconveniencies within my self, then to under∣goe their imposition from others, I could as well as another, have been a busie man, &c.

1637.

HAppy are they who according to this world desire little, or moderate their desires, even in the way of perfection, know∣ledge, and happinesse it self: for our portion here is ignorance, imperfection, and losse of happinesse by over-seeking it; in the true knowledge of God, and his favour, consists the onely true tranquillity and felicity, and nothing but the perfect joyes of Hea∣ven can satisfie the perfection and Summum bonum affecting soule.

When wee have said and done what we can, we are in such a mist and confusion of things, so short sighted through our false Perspective, that there is much chance in discerning the truth and right way, even of things within our reach and capacity, in de∣spight of all our search and circumspection, God is all in all with∣out him, seeing we shall not see, and understanding wee shall not understand, who referres to nature and our naturall universality of faculties, and not to his extraordinary influence, is blinde to his grace and operation. By him we live, move, and have our being, and no thing or faculty workes, but through his grace and pro∣vidence.

FAntasie in us is like the saile of a Ship, without it we want much of ornament and motion, with a predominancy of it, we are in danger of over-setting; without it many things otherwise delight∣full, are dull and insipid, and if it be over pregnant, it ordinarily ruins and befooles us. It is our Soules Perspective, multiplying ob∣jects at one end, and lessening them at the other; it is a better ser∣vant then Master. Happy they whose Steer and Balast can rule and command it. It is a Horse that must be born with a hard hand,

if it get head, it transports us to much inconvenience, and hardly containes it self within any limits of judgement and reason. All things take their tincture from it; It is to be lesse then man, to want it, and more to bridle and over-rule it; God alone can temper and moderate our inordinate fancies * 1.20 and affections, he alone is commensurable to our vast desires.

Moderation hath ever been a hard vertue, the most conscienti∣ous spirits have ever been subject to superstition and Idolatry, strength of fantasie is apt to multiply it self beyond measure, irre∣ligious hearts cut the Gordian knot which they cannot unty: to di∣stinguish betwixt God and man, must be from God and not from man; Man may endevour and concurre, but God alone can cleare and confirme. My good God, I will (with thy good grace) let my heart loose to no other object, then thy self, and what is plea∣sing unto thee, so shall I have fulnesse of joy, nor shall I regret or envy the most splendid employments, or fantasticall delights, where with this world Syren-like enchants the mindes of such as dote upon it; smile thou upon me, and let the world frown or scorn, the worlds kisses are poyson, the embraces confusion, they carry their sting with them, but thy favour is present and eternall fe∣licity.

If the very enjoying of our fancies, and feeding them, be a kind of surfeit and oppression, what is it to faile, be crossed and miscar∣ry in them? Little saile and little fancy make the best and safest voy∣age.

To conclude these shreds and ejaculations, which may weary, but never satisfie either my self or any other: (for there is ever∣more and better to be said) our artificiall, infirme, and perplex∣ed condition, is to a curious strong minde, a naturall and strong distraction, a large and various prospect works upon, and divides the fancy, and with a divulsion breeds a kinde of convulsion in the spirits, and a solution of that sweet continuity and harmony which God hath ordained naturall unto us. Originall and actuall sin inhabiting in us, deserve that and much other punishment. If God of his great grace and indulgence give us not a clew of his thred to guide us, we are confounded and lost in this worlds La∣byrinth, he is ours and the worlds prop, and if it had not pleased him wonderfully to assist and support me with extraordinary strength of resolution, and his good Spirit, I had a thousand times perished in my errors, and confusion. Wilde affections, which lead grave reason by the nose, had undone me; a vertiginous spirit, and my own weight and strength had oppressed me: and well might I miscarry, seeing the strongest spirits are in the multiformity of their discourse most obnoxious to finde reason to fortifie themselves in the grossest obliquities, to us in propriety is all sensuality, vanity,

foolish presumption, Sophistication, and corruption of truth, with innumerable exorbitancies and follies.

But to God, only good, onely wise, just, mercifull, and omnipo∣tent, be ascribed all honour, and glory for evermore, Amen, A∣men.

Good God, I am the work of thy hands, and now happily of thy good Spirit, let thy mercy work with me, and upon me to the end and Eternity.

Tot contra unum caput conspirantibus, quis potuissetresistere, nisi Dei optimi maximi speciali gratia aspirante?

There had need in truth be an extraordinary supply and support of reason and grace, against the strange and strong fond impressions of the Melancholy humour.

November 25. 1637.

IT is said, that if a horse could be equally placed to provender on each side of him, he would sooner starve, then resolve.

I was ambiguously constituted, balanced in disposition, betwixt contemplation and action, thrift and comlinesse, pleasures of the body, and minde; vice, and vertue; Country, Town, and Court; private, or publique course of life; and no wonder, if Dubia tor∣quent, the world is a Riddle, an entangled skaine, vexatious to extricate; to intend our mindes and affections much upon it, is as well misery as vanity, it payes us with a Cloud in stead of Iuno; torment, in stead of contentment; we often lose substances for sha∣dows, and felicity by over-searching it. There is a proportion of wit, most conducible to this worlds resolutions and happinesse, if we exceed or come short of that element, either the heighth and finenesse of the Aire agrees not with our Lungs and subsistence, or we are dampt and suffocated in an over earthly and flegmatique dulnesse. As in squared paving stone, such onely endure the earth and open weather as are neither over-hard nor soft: so is it in the temper of mens spirits, for the undergoing of this worlds incidents. Happy such as most slightingly passe through it; yea God him∣self requires, that we esteem it as but a passage to Eternity; a point, a nothing in respect.

He only can fill and satisfie the curious soule, I cannot be sorry that the pleasures of this life concern me, neither in use, nor affe∣ction, when I consider their sting, their molestations, and empti∣nesse,

compared with the sweet comforts of Gods favour, and the blessednesse of everlasting life.

There like the upper Region, dwels all peace, purity, and glory.

Here all corruption, Meteors of imperfect mixtion, stormes, and calamities.

There is our true Country and Region, where, when God shall have refined us, wee shall live, and shine more glorious then the Starres.

I Have promiscuously specifyed the causes and originalls of my Melancholy disease, I was deeply ingaged in it, before I suspect∣ed it, and had given so much way to it to take root in me, as made the Cure most difficult. It is a Goliah, but we must not (like Da∣vid) fight against it with our own Armes.

The grace of God is All-sufficient, but humane strength most incompetent; once discovered, I manfully resisted it, else I had never neere so long subsisted; I used diversion, which is the humane, first, second, and best remedy. I opposed Labore & Constantia, ferendo & feriendo. Like a Parthian I fled, and fought, but prayer hath been my most effectuall remedy: It is a Devill that is not o∣therwise cast out; Physick is a feeble exorcisme: but when by hearty Prayer I humbled my self to God, and implored his ayde, I ever rose from the ground like an other Antaeus, with renewed and revived spirits. God make me thankfull, for his mercy hath surpassed the transcendency of my follies. Happy the wounds that meet with that good Samaritane. Happy the disease that brings us to the cure of such a Physitian.

I Have read how Plutarch complaines of mans infirmity, who can in nothing keepe or measure, or constancy. In truth affecti∣ons in our mindes, resemble over-much the motions of the wind in the Aire: They rise and take their course, sometimes in modera∣tion, sometimes in storm, they discontinue, they change, they whirle, and all so strangely and irregular, as we neither can well conceive, or controule; we neither know whence they proceed, nor where they will end; the objects of our pleasure and discourse possesse us with a drunkenesse, with a giddinesse, the strongest and hottest mindes are most intent, most Mercuriall, most unsettled and Volatile. Thence hath growne an observation of the frequent changes and troubles in the Florentine, more then the Venetian State. Now what meanes have wee to fix this Mercury? the naturall temper is hard to alter, the inconstant body acts too much upon the Soule.

Thou, O God, canst onely effect so great and supernaturall a work; faith alone and a Christian hope, can become the anchor of our soules, to maintain them firm and secure, against our own and the worlds winds, waves and rocks.

No other then thy divine Armour can resist, no other then thy divine water can quench the fiery darts, which Satan and the world throw against us, and our selves shoot to fall on our own heads: thou who madest us, canst only mend us, thou art the sole Physi∣tian of the soule; our knowledge is imperfect in the flowings of our blood, our elementary humours, and the anatomy of the body, much more in the motions of the minde.

Thou, Oh God, who madest it, and inspiredst it, understandest it better then our selves, it is of thy privative jurisdiction, and thou alone canst steere, canst rectify, and fix it. We mis-know our selves and thee, when we attribute to our selves a presumptious selfe-ru∣ling power, we have not motion but from thee, by thee, and through thy dayly providence, support, and assistance: it is so in all crea∣tures; in many of them their motion is without discourse, and in∣voluntary, but in us thou givest the will and the deed.

Ianuary 13. 1637.

HOw sacred and serious ought to be, and is our Religion? how in this Galley, most looke one way and row another? how yet some people entertain sinnes with a nationall Denization? some ironically sport and play with them as Natures game, some make them veniall, which in Gods Audit will finde another account: To what crosse batteries of Honour, Nature, Laws, Custome, and Religion, is our frailty exposed? Poore humane soule, curious of rectitude, curious of knowledge, no wonder that thou sufferest such distractions, such convulsions: Example, which should recti∣fie thee, betrayes thee: Thy leaders who should guide thee in a cleere and constant way, wander, and confound thee, and in their partiall and self-interessed subtilties lose themselves and thee. Na∣turally I affect Truth, and am impatient of imperfection, especial∣ly such as I appeare capable to remedy, and till I seem to discover what may be commodious and rationall, I cannot resolve, but right and truth have so various an aspect, and dwell in such a cloud and crossenesse of apprehension, that if God of his great grace, make not himself the guide of the good well-affected Soule, it strayes, it loseth it self, and becomes overwhelmed with this worlds con∣fusion and obliquity: Thus workes my fancy, thus accidentally enfeebled, am I put (according to my nature) to walk strongly in

weaknesse. Moderation is the hardest of vertues; my daily prayers to the Almighty shall be, that he will please to bestow it upon me. I greatly need it against my nature, against my self. I am at at an evill exigent, employment I want, and am weak to undergo it, yet idlenesse and vacuity of thoughts (as unnaturall unto me) I can∣not beare; I have done, and will endevour my uttermost, to com∣pose my self, to subsist and entertain my self towards God, my Neighbour, and my self, in the most Religious, discreet, and cha∣ritable temper that I can, &c.

December 11. 1637.

IT is hard for a man to dissect and paint out himself, yet have I thus adventured upon it according to the life and truth, and with∣out flattery. In a Looking glasse, they say, wee see our selves by reflection of the beames of our sight upon our selves: in the mir∣rour of my misfortunes, I have thus reflected upon my self, but I confesse true discerning is towards outward objects, we are natu∣rally blinde to our selves, besides the mists that selfe-love and in∣terest raise upon us.

I have touched in one passage, that the Melancholy humour, and Choler adust, must not be violently stirred, in respect of the rage and distemper it often so procures in full and soule, especially long unstirred bodies; but I professe my course hath been by all meanes, inward and outward, to search it to the root. I went much upon the Rule of Quod movet removet, * 1.21 And what I heard once from a good Doctor, that obstinate insistings often work great and strange effect. I have long for born Physick, even when I most nee∣ded it, so still incorrespondent hath my condition been unto it self; some reason I had, that neither I could nor would admit it, but had I not by Gods instruction and long degrees, brought my selfe to be able to work upon my self in an extraordinary way, ex∣ercising my self by his support, and supporting my self in a great strength of body and minde, I could not neere have subsisted; I had by many yeares and degrees brought my self to it. It is for me alone, and therefore I cannot prescribe anything therein to others; there is a mean and discretion, belongs to all things, but certainly Melancholy obstructions are so tough and lead-like, that they are immoveable to ordinary courses and medicines, and extraordina∣ry must be cautiously and gradually imployed, Inveterate, they con∣sist of a fat, waxen, viscous, impacted, and tartarous substance, such as Vegetables slip by without penetration, Minerals are more effectuall, in such a difference as betwixt the stroak of a cudgell or sword, a naturall Crisis and evacuation is above all. But we have so clogged and entangled our selves beyond the quiet of nature

and of other creatures, that art and Physick are thereupon become more necessary.

In truth though the Melancholique patient hath a Wolfe by the eares of his disease, trouble in holding and stirring, and unsafe to let goe, yet I esteem it a poore resolution to suffer a rooted mischiefe (which is presently noxious, and will more and more grow dangerous) upon feare of adventure, where there is any the least hope of delivering our selves: in supportable evils, admit and excite rather to any hazard, then a miserable toleration, a hopelesse condition is most calamitous, a well-built body will indure, and work out very much, like a good Ship against soule weather at Sea; mine, I thank God, is such, that had not my minde like an evill Steers-man, infinitely (even of late) been injurious unto it, I had by Gods grace infallibly prevailed, both against my Giant disease, and infinite intervening unfriendly accidents, but by Gods help, I daily mend and hope to leap over the wall.

Nil desperandum in Christo, nil a••spice Christo. L'industrie est de nous, L'he••rex suceez de dieu.

December 11. 1637.

TO give us courage in misfortunes, it was well said of Fortune, that her course is irregular, and that we ought not to despaire of her, for often when she appeares to threaten us with imminent ruine, she is truely in the article and Catastrophe of our good and advantage.

It is more verifyed in the wayes of God, nothing more ordina∣ry with him, then by humbling us to exalt us, and to strew the path to Heaven with afflictions. Caesar animated his Pilot by car∣rying him and his Fortunes; it was a vain presumption, but he who the Almighty is Pilot to, cannot sink nor miscarry: to demonstrate his power and awake the faith of his Favourites, he permits (as to his Disciples) the stormes to rise, and waves to threaten destru∣ction, and in his mighty and supernaturall rescues, appeare his swee∣test comforts, his greatest glory.

Nec Deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus; as the Divines af∣firm, that tentations proceeding from the Devill, may bee distin∣guished by their violent and suddain surprise.

So may Divine deliverances be infallibly known by the suddain and extraordinary help that we receive from them, at such time as

our condition appeares unto us most irremediable and desperate. I have infinite matter and thanks to render to my Maker, to my Sa∣viour, but in nothing more then that of his abundant mercy; hee hath been pleased to lead me through Seas, through Wildernesses of troubles and errour, by a cloud, by fire, by the thunder of his voice, by infinite wonders for neere forty yeares together, to bring meat last to his happy Land of promise; that is, to peace, joy, and repose in him, where alone flows all true happinesse and fixed con∣tentment.

There can in truth be no constant courage, without a firm Faith, and assurance of Gods favour towards us; that alone fortifies us a∣gainst danger, darknesse, and death.

December 12. 1637.

IT is truely said, that wee know so much as we put in practice, nor are the notions and floting impressions of the brain, without a through tincture of the heart and soule, any effectuall Science, and so it is that vertue is constituted a habit, and not only a babling scientificall discourse of the minde; untill I considered this, I of∣ten wondered to see the best Clerks often the worst men, as well as none of wisest: Men read and study commonly rather for curio∣sity, to censure, to learne language and the course and manner of the world, to maintain a side, to gain bread, and knowledge like o∣ther men, rather then truth, vertue, and piety, to gather opinions, and to appeare good, rather then to be: Propounding to our selves wrong objects, no wonder if wee misse the right, which makes so many Scholars, who study to get the best Livings, lesse vertuous in their lives then others, who more vertuously and spiritually then worldly affected, study rather to nourish then cloath, to Dye then paint their mindes. Corrupt nature like a depraved stomach turns and assimilates all nourishment, it makes an alien of forain instructi∣on, and governs it selfe by its own Laws. Nay, ordinarily against our wills and resolutions, nature relapses, and ravisheth us from our Moralls, from our Metaphysicals, Sensuality prevailes, and we prevaricate with our Consciences: when I approached Gods Sanctuary, this was yet lesse strange unto me, there (as Copernicus hath placed the Sun in the Center of this Universe, whose influ∣ence and Magnetique vertue gives life and motion to all materiall creatures) so is it cleare that the immateriall minde of man hath its life and motion only from the good Spirit of God, and unlesse by his influence and inspiration he carry our instructions and in∣formations to the root, except he alter, reform, and season our hearts, like hasty showers, all passeth away, whereas a sound hea∣venly

dew worketh a better watering and fruitfulnesse; want of that Divine irradiation makes us such Mungrills, such half Chri∣stians, as we ordinarily are, acknowledging our Faith and Savi∣our in our tongues, and denying him in our lives. God of his great grace grant us his saving Spirit, and we shall as well practice as seem to know and professe, Amen, Amen.

December 14. 1637.

NO wonder that I search into the abstruse causes and proceed∣ings of my disease, for I am a wonder to my self, that a San∣guine complection, with a naturall strength of body and minde, and none of the most impertinent in wit, and discourse, should fall into so great a confusion and consumption of minde, body and for∣tune, without some outward most apparent violence: But (be∣sides what I have formerly expressed) I consider that steeping my self in my beginnings, in the study of Mountaynes Essayes, which are full of Scepticisme, and a kinde of Morall mortification, in crying down the delights and presumptions of this world, proved to a tainted and tender minde, a great amatement and blunting, with an anxious disposition of doubt, in the ordinary course and pleasures of this life, that, and much adverse accident, nipt me in my first Spring; otherwise in all probability I, who in that low∣nesse and oppression of spirits, which hath possessed me, could yet so beare up, as in some measure to become sought, and re∣spected by the better sort, might have been somewhat more then I have been in the eminency of this world; but the great and good God hath otherwise ordained, nor am I without hope, that hee, who hath to this day so wonderfully supported and converted me, will thereby work his glory and my good.

It is true that my course hath been most improsperous, yet never of a grossely irrationall or unthrifty election.

I have in truth been so farre from humouring my self in the im∣pulsions of Nature, or most delightfull objects of my fancy, that I have mainly resisted my self therein. It hath pleased God to make me an instrument of crossing and punishing my self in whatsoever I most placed my minde. The obstinate continuance of my disease, and the failings of those whom I have trusted and relyed upon, have abused me: I have lost much pleasure and profit, whereof I might have been capable; but for my self I regret it not, for alasse how vain, how transitory, how full of vexation are the best of earthly commodities, &c.

Truth hath been said to be the object of the understanding, and good of the will: Totus teres atque rotundus, expresseth an honest man, yet a bowle perfectly round, except upon a ground exactly plain, holds not well its straight line and way, a strong byas better maintaines it self against whampes and unevennesse.

So doth a man byassed with some sinister affection, often run a more constant and thriving course, then he who hath constituted truth, and true good his Mistresse; but himself being round, and his way uncertain and uneven, he varies and fluctuates according∣ly, as I have often said, Truthes to us are such obscure, high, twink∣ling Starres, that we hardly fasten upon them; what pleaseth us, is only certain unto us; I speak in a naturall way, for supernatural∣ly in Faith alone is all truth, all good, certainty, and pleasure. Till God gave me that happy gift, I was a bowle without byasse, a ship without steer, or Starre.

I Were more then most miserable, if my resentment, my heart, and affections, were set upon this world, but I humbly thank God, it is farre otherwise with me, and now as there ever hath been a difference made, between such as cast themselves into open and eminent mischief, and such as fall into unhappy consequen∣ces of evills unforeseen: so hope I to finde favour * 1.22 and pardon from the better sort, and the worst I respect not: And as that Prince who plain in personage and habit, was by mistaking set to drudge for his own entertainment, and being discovered and de∣manded what he meant? Answered, that he did penance for his evil-favourednesse: So am I contented to undergoe, and submit my self to the not undeserved penance of my fate, with an acquiescence of, Fiat voluntas tua; sed liber a nos a malo.

Ianuary 2. 1637.

NEmo laeditur nisi a seipso, never proved it self more true then in me, I have been both agent and authour of my misery, and sufferings, I have been both Criminall and tormenter: God made me strong, I have made my self weak; God intrusted me with ma∣ny Talents of advantage above others, I have mis-imployed and abused them, and my self; from my youth I have suffered his scour∣ges and terrours, with a troubled soule, yet such is his mercy unto me, that it is good and happy for me that I have been troubled; As I have turned unto him, he hath been graciously pleased to turn his countenance of favour towards me, healing my wounds

with the soverain balme of his grace, and refreshing my Soule with his waters of life; humbling me to exalt me, and chastising mee in a Fatherly correction, to prevent my eternall punish∣ment.

How sweet (Oh Lord) are thy mercies, beyond comparison, beyond my expression? the false and flattering joyes of sensuality are meer sowrenesse, bitternesse, and vexation in respect; conti∣nue thy grace unto me, perfect thine own work, and make me an instrument of thy glory, confirm me in the contempt of this worlds vanities: and as on me, so work upon the world, by thy Almighty Spirit, thy saving health, that thy will may be done in earth, as in Heaven; nothing but thy all-powerfull Spirit can effect it, draw us and we shall come, and let it be through tribulations, sorrows, fire, and whatsoever long or short, a faire or rugged way, so it lead to thee we shall be happy above measure, Amen, Amen.

Sweet Saviour, let thy pretious wounds cure mine, And save my Soule, which is by purchase thine.

Ianuary 15. 1637.

BEauty and the delight of the eye consist in well-ordered lustre of Colours, proportion, and motion: yet forbeares it not to be extraordinarily affected in the enjoying of such objects, as the appetite and fantasie have prescribed to themselves for a necessary or voluptuous satisfaction, whereby appeares that we become most ravished and transported by the operation and co-operation of the minde, whose truest and noblest objects are vertue and goodnesse. Hence sprung the conceit, that if vertue were visible, it would be∣get in us most transcendent affections, so beautifull, so amiable it would be to a generous Soule.

God is the Author and Prototype of all beauty and goodnesse. How infinitely then beyond comparison sweet, faire, and lovely must he be to such as apprehend and contemplate his glory, and to whom he imparteth himself and his mercies? As the sight of the body of the Sun so filleth the sense, that for the present it can ad∣mit no other conceit; so doth the glorious speculation of Gods essence and Majesty, annihilate and expell all earthly affections. How vain, how mostly, poore, and beastiall are vulgar delights, in respect of that tincture, that rapture, and eternity of blisse, which flow from his Divine grace and knowledge? how is it possible, after such influence, to relish the drossie pleasures of the world, for the most part common with beasts, fleeting, molesting, lame?

Miserable is the heart which he doth not season, disconsolate the comforts which proceed not from his Grace: who without that could live contented; could be content to be one of Circe's beasts, and live and die in a drunken fit? I most humbly thank thee (my gracious God and Saviour) that thou hast vouchsafed to open my eyes to thy glory, and the worlds vanity; till then I never found solid or permanent comfort. I have, like others, been apt to con∣ceive, that this worlds delights were our proper portion of thy as∣signment, but thy great Grace hath enlightned me, and with a strong hand taught me to chuse the better part. I have since thy il∣lumination affected above all things, to set forth thy Grace, Mer∣cy, and Glory, but pardon me (Oh Lord) they surpasse my poore abilities. I am an earthen vessell, weak, and crased, as unable as unworthy to be a fit instrument, to sound forth thy praise, I was ambitious to have wrought thy Divine love upon others, that they with me might constitute thee the sole scope and Lord of their Counsels, their projects, their actions, but a fuller and richer Ma∣gazin then mine, and a stronger health are required. Pardon (Oh Lord) that I withdraw my self, conscious of my weaknesse and inabilities, but what my pen cannot attaine, my tongue and actions shall (by thy Grace) indeavour to supply.

Ianuary 14. 1637.

CHarity implies the love of God and man, without it, whatso∣ever we pretend, we are Infidels, objects of hatred, to our Maker, to our inferiours; what condition can be more contempti∣ble? No delight is comparable to that, which reflects upon a good minde from its own goodnesse extended upon others, especially when our Consciences beare us witnesse, that we doe it out of a true love and obedience to our most mercifull and Omnipotent God. To pretend Faith, and be without Charity, is to mock God, and our selves; better were it for us to be like beasts, without all knowledge of God, then to play the Hypocrites, and draw a thou∣sand woes upon our selves. Above all thy gifts, Oh Lord, thy gift of a lively and true Faith is pretious and sweet unto me, to be conscious of that, is to be happy; Conscience without it is a sting, a torment unto us, and such shall they finde it, who in the lustinesse of their fleshly pleasures and discourse, most smother and affect to extinguish it; it hath a root in them from their youth, which may lye long hidden, but will, despight of their nipping and obsti∣nate courage, finde a season to send forth thorny branches and bitter fruites. May I (Oh God) no longer live, then I shall endevour to please thee, more then my selfe, and others who beare thy

Image as much, confining our indulgencies to our selves, we are worse then beasts, extending them to others, we resemble thee, whom we are commanded to imitate, nor are we otherwise fit for a sociable life in this, much lesse for the society of Saints and Angels in thy eternall world. Make other vertues as easie unto me as that of Charity, and I am happy.

Ianuary 20. 1637.

For my Sonne.

TOwards a departure, or a long journey, men use to settle an order, to declare their will, and expresse their affection: I have resolved (if it please God to ina∣ble me in performance) as necessary to my self, and fit for you, to absent my self some little time from home, that having entered you into an oeconomi∣call way, recollecting your selfe, you may in my little Fortune (which I have wholly committed unto your disposing) have a full and free faculty of managing and ordering all according to your good pleasure and discretion: You know what is said in your The∣atre d' Agriculture, that Eslever trop de Palais & nourrir trop de va∣letz, is a way to ruine. As for the first, concerning building, I hope so to have furnisht you, and provided such accommodation, as it shall not need to trouble either your minde, or purse. For the second, it is the mischiefe of the English manner of living, (espe∣cially in the Country) to labour and be charged with multitude of servants: great fortunes may beare profusion, but in yours, you had need (as much as may be) study a restraint: A small estate and few servants, well ordered, often make a Master live most happily and handsomely. I never was so carelesse or prodigall, as to propound to my self a course of expence above my meanes, but my mishap hath been, that such on whom I have relyed, have never contained within the limits prescribed, which hath bred my consumption. For though the malignity of my disease hath thrust me beyond my inclination, in some extraordinaries: yet against that alone I could have found remedy without a breach upon the maine of my Fortune, and such expence I never pursued: Since your self hath been a witnesse and an Overseer of my ordinary ex∣penses, it hath not been without exceeding; God be thanked, I have born and supplyed it, you are not now without experience, you have not been without advice, God blesse them unto you; and for me I have long since composed my self to undergo as well

the censure as the losse: good mens opinion I will ever value; but same, (as a thing without me) I never much regarded. Comfort your self with what Horace sayes of parvoque potentem Fabritium, and the well-being that goes with them, to whom Dii dederunt parca quod sat is est manu. I know a Philosophicall forced contentment, is no vulgar felicity, but so it conduce to a bene esse, it may suffice. You have a streight and faire way before you, and God hath blest you a with good and constant temper and affections, be constant to your self, and you are well.

If any thing prejudice you, it may prove your tender and infirme constitution, with a minde bent to the more noble speculative and generous thoughts, but you must something force and stiffen your self, to carry an eye, and take a pleasure, in super-intending what concernes you: It is possible for a soule not sick, though otherwise affected, to conquer and acquit it selfe herein with ease and cheer∣fulnesse, if not delight.

You want no good will, you want no precaution; Now as it is my prayer, so it is my confidence, that God will not be wanting unto you; Paul you know may plant, and Apollos water, but it is he alone that must give the increase; without his good grace, all is but Invita Minerva. As I have been indulgent to you in your Ma∣riage, so as you know, have I been otherwise so farre, as to put my self out of my own wayes to accommodate yours; and as well before as since your Marriage, to give away the absolute power over my fortunes to fix them upon you and yours, all which I have done both out of affection to you, and experience of my own fate to be such as I durst not trust more then needs must.

You have as well my errors as precepts to admonish and instruct you, and I hope you will make use of the rule of Foelix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum. You see how troublesome I am to my self in any thing I am to undertake, or that concernes me; I turn it eve∣ry way I can, I winde my self round about it, and though I can∣not take a resolution, but upon a through search and disposition▪

Yet it is even then not without some distrust and insatisfaction, so infinite is the fancy, and perfection so transcendent: wherefore it is best for curious mindes to put on a rigid consining of them∣selves, and obstinately to entertain no more matter of fancy then needs must; to slight this world as it deserveth, and to fix our soules upon God, is the only sincere satisfaction, an infinite subject to an unbounded fancy.

I remember what a Lady once said unto me, that in government of houshold expence which her husband committed unto her, how∣soever she handled the matter, she ever made sure not to exceed

the allowed proportion; indeed there are many wayes incident to this worlds course, and we have a latitude of disposings, and plea∣sing our selves; but the unnm magnum, the unum necessarium for this life, is not to over-spend.

This was in my discourse, this was in my affections, but my want and infirmity in health, wildered and overthrew me: God be prais∣ed, you yet injoy Mentem sanam in corpore sano, moderate your self, and hold so, and make no question of well-being and fortune; maintain your self ready and capable, and Fortune seldome failes to present her self. God multiply his blessings upon you; and receive the blessing of your wholly devoted Father, Amen, A∣men.

I have set you even, I have set you before hand, contain and run not behinde; never make your self such a stranger to your fortune and course, as to make anyone servant necessary unto you, you shall in truth become enthralled unto him, and it is both preposte∣rous and ruinous. Whether you take a Country or other life, it im∣ports not, so you hold your self within your bounds. Place forceth no man.

They have their severall advantages and disadvantages like other things, and are to be embraced as discretion and affection shall lead. Certainly the travailing course used of late (especially in the most spirituall and Academicall mindes) breeds a great partiality to the equall conversation of Townes, but not without danger of being aliened from the knowledge of your own, and as much abu∣sed therein by others, as of abusing your self in being carryed away with the City vanities, and unfruitfull idlenesse. The Country life is assuredly most naturall, pleasant, setled, and profitable to the English breed and course. Doe but you care for your self, as I have cared for you, and all shall (with Gods blessing) goe well with your minde, and well with your fortune; seek your happinesse from Gods grace and bounty, he will not faile to give it you, make Christ your Rock, and you have a sure foundation.

December 19. 1637.

QUos perdere vult Iupiter, hos dementat, was a true saying ap∣plyed to a false God, but my God hath often deprived me (in some particulars) of the use of my ordinary reason and discourse, to act things against my knowledge, my ends, my resolution and my self: he hath raised oftentimes strange and independent, com∣bining constellations against me, I have evidently discovered his

footsteps therein, and he hath thereby led me to my salvation; there was no redemption to mankind, but in Christ, nor can the wounded and troubled soule finde any other sanctuary, he alone is the horn of our salvation, the Cornueopia of a perfect plenty and felicity unto us in this and the eternall life. I have been Master of a dogge, whom when I have threatned, in stead of flying, he hath appeased me by a submisse fawning upon me.

Thou my God, art in like manner mercifull, to such as seek thee and humble themselves unto thee. Praise to thy blessed name for e∣vermore, Amen, Amen.

Ianuary 21. 1637.

OUr Faith is well alluded to a Rock; and our Saviour to the Corner-stone of a building: for without them we are all totte∣ring and infirme, nor doth the sweetnesse of any earthly pleasure make amends for an unstable wandring minde.

Good God, why didst thou not to frailty give One life to learn, another life to live? Why, so it is, who here doth thee regard, Eternall life and joyes are his reward.

Suave mari magno turbantibus aequora ventis, Eterra alterius magnum spectare laborem.

Unexpressible is that tranquillity, ease, joy, and peace which I finde, by having freed my self from this worlds common interests and incumbrances; my Soule is like a bird escaped from the Fowlers net; and I am as a free spectatour beholding the busie burthened Actors of this worlds Tragedies, Comedies, Farcies, and follies. Good Lord confirm me more and more, and make me thankfull in such my joy.

Once belonging to the Alphabet Sonnet of the Letter E.

BUt we, like false-bred Eagles, fly the sight Of thy (to humane sense) confounding light: Bartas and Herbert led, but flew so high, Our flowry waxen wings dare not come nigh: OR, Tis hard to see them; harder to come nigh.

Verses, I confesse, though such are best, which most resemble Prose, yet (as I am now affected, especially in that measure which I had lately chosen) are not so fitting to my present subject. There are divers kindes and degrees of Faith, the generality of such as call and think themselves Christians, go on in a course childish kinde of Faith, which gives little tincture to their affections, and lesse to their actions, yet according to their nature, in some things they make more, in others, lesse conscience: in a farther proceeding and consideration of Religion, they lay hold on Christ, and use him as a salve for their sins, and sinfull propensions; but when the good Spirit of God, by meanes of affliction, or otherwise, throughly awakeneth them, and workes upon their Soule, then, and not till then, are we truely converted: then are our eyes opened to see and feel the uglinesse of sin, with the sweetnesse of his saving grace and favour: And thus (Oh Lord) hath it pleased thee (in thy infinite mercy) to work upon me. Now I see, and pity the worlds vanity and corruptions. Now, as thou hast dyed for me, I will ra∣ther dye a thousand deaths, then to grieve thy good Spirit by my least consent to sin.

As thou hast done to me, so vouchsafe to extend thy extraordi∣nary hand of mercy upon others, with-hold them from sophisti∣cating thy sincere Religion, with their poore and rotten policies: we may say of it (as some use it) as is said of Tilt and Tourney, that it is too much for jest, too little for earnest; it cannot be expected that the people will follow, except their Teachers lead, and in the sincerity of their lives shew the way; their Tithes are substance, their shows, and ceremonies alone in thy service deserve them not. Magistrates when they obey thee, may more justly and exactly ex∣pect our obedience. A grosse affectation of policy in Religion, mi∣nisters too much occasion to weak Christians to judge and conclude of Religion, rather as a humane Policy, then Divine Truth.

If any sins were veniall, such appeare most pardonable as carry with them a kinde of warrant from Nature, and a gratification to others; and thou, O God, art least indulgent to such as offend of malitious wickednesse.

They are like the Planets and Starres, in the Heavens, to guide and comfort us by their sweet influence; when they prove maligne (which the Starres seldome doe) they are our mischiefes and our Plagues: and as the Starres have their shining and influence more for our, then their own good, so ought they to exercise their power.

It is a soule, unhappy fancy, that pleaseth it self in displeasing o∣thers.

I Have of late been urged to work, and am at this time working upon a peece of ground, which hath long been designed for Gardening, and so imployed, it hath had much cost and industry bestowed upon it, but the nature of the soyle consists of so stiffe a Clay, that it hath ever rendred an ill account and return of such feeds and Plants, as have been intrusted unto it, lusty and fruitfull it hath shewed it selfe in grasse, and rank in weeds: There is an evill Herb they call Twitch, which hath over-run it, of such na∣ture, that having once possessed a ground, the soyle must be whol∣ly altered and over-come, or no good thing will thrive committed unto it: My Gardener to work a cure, hath not only digged and manured, but hath brought a new and better earth upon it, so that now, with a due industry and watering observed, it can hardly faile to yeeld a gratefull and faithfull fertility: Some soyles are cured by much breaking, some by fire, some by inundation; frosts, and hard weather, make a good preparation; All is happy that confers a bettering, and improvement. In the diseases of our bodies, where an evill habit prevailes, and ill humours abound, some are rectify∣ed by purgation, some &c. and some by the very distempers which they breed; A burning Feaver remedies a Palsie; and Agues or∣dinarily cleare the body. We see also, that a disordered, and ill ha∣bituated Common-wealth and State, but upon extream necessity and violence, seldome grows to reformation. A vicious and de∣praved minde corresponds to these premisses, as well in disposition as cure, till extremity, distemper, and affliction work upon us, till God the good Gardener of our soules cultivate, weed, alter, and subdue us, we insist in our corrupt naturals, we remain obstinate in our errours, impatient of good and healthfull counsell, perverse in all our courses; Happy that Soyle, Body, State and Soule which finde him their Gardener, Physitian, Reformer, and gracious Re∣deemer. Paradise was our first plentifull Garden; Health, Origi∣nall Justice and integrity, our condition; till he renew, heale, re∣forme, sanctifie and reduce us to our principles and perfection, we are barren to goodnesse, unsound, corrupted, tainted peeces. Per∣sist, Oh Lord, in such thy grace, as I have haply found towards me, be it by breaking, sicknesse, confusion, or humiliation, so thou make me good, and make me thine, I shall be faithfully fruit∣full, Athletically vigorous, prudent, temperate, just, religiously vertuous, and already in Paradise and in the Confines of Hea∣ven.

What shall I render unto thee, Oh Lord, for the incomparable influence, assistance, and sweetnesse of thy grace and favour to∣wards me? I possesse nothing, but what I have received from thee, nor can I pay thee, but with thine own; The graces of my body, minde, and fortune, are thy Almes unto me, I will sacrifice unto thee all my vain and worldly affections; and even that is my great

game, the unspeakable sweetnesse and comfort of thy favour is an overflowing and superabounding recompence unto me; that where∣in thou hast invested me with the most propriety, is my humble thanksgiving and imperfect obedience; Nor that can I offer up and tender unto thee without thy gracious hand raise and assist me: But help me (Oh Lord) and I will never cease to praise and ende∣vour to obey thee, Amen, Amen.

I most humbly thank thee (my most gracious God) that my trou∣ble of late hath not been so much in any thing,* 1.23 as in a labouring affection to set forth the greatnesse and sweetnesse of thy mercy to∣wards me; Thou hast been my sole Physick and Physitian, my pre∣servative, cordiall, restorative, and support, even then when in taking measure of my naturall strength, I might have conceived it impossible to undergo what by thy grace I have performed; thou hast many times found and inspired wayes and meanes beyond me, as well to assist and support me, as thou hast formerly done to hum∣ble me. Thou never wantest means; Melancholy, confusion of face, defection of the eyes, crosses have been thy instruments to make me thine: I was a house built for pleasure, but thou hast made me a re∣ceptacle of all calamities. I was not that crooked peece of knee tim∣ber, fitted for distresse, I was framed for the Pacifique Sea, but thy stormes have all past over me, and yet by thy favour I am a greater wonder to my self in what I have born, then was that Cock-boat which safely transported from the Bermudaes, such as committed themselves unto it. Free spirited Horses doe often brook worst the bit and curb, and soonest tire themselves engaged to a Moorish pas∣sage, when a Fen Mare, and an Asinine patience, better complies and extricates it self: no sweetnes is comparable to thy grace, nor strength to that which thy good Spirit gives. Naturally I am impatient to tread my shooe awry, I have abounded in errors and exorbitancies, but thy mercy hath ever opened my eyes, and recalled me to disal∣low them, and at last to detest and abjure them.

It had been else too hard for flesh and blood, they can never cast out, nor cast off themselves; as thou hast said, A Kingdome divided in it self cannot subsist: but be thou with us, and nothing can prevaile against us; invincible is that body, that minde and estate, which thou assistest.

Consilia quibus impares sumus, fatis permittamus: understanding fate for God, is the counsell I take. A Ship that cannot saile, must drive, &c.

My gracious God, accept I most humbly beseech thee, my hum∣ble thanksgiving for thy wonderful preservation and favors towards me, and particularly for blessing me in Charitable affections to∣wards others, as well as reverence towards thee; daily I have too

much experience of the little good, that the best preaching workes upon depraved mindes; grant that I may not offend thee, in hur∣ting my self by an immoderate and indiscreet affecting of others good; Give me a chearefulnesse without oppression of my spirits in thine, and my wayes.

Blesse the sincere profession and Professors of thy sacred Word, teach them that they may truely teach thee, with-hold them from mingling policy, and self-interest with thy Religion, with-hold them from shaking the foundation of our Faith, and peace of thy Church. It hath formerly been too great a tax upon our Nation, to have been too inconstant and troublesome therein. Maintain the true Light and pure exercise of thy Gospel amongst us, our iniqui∣ties deserve the punishment, of a most grosse relaps to discovered and escaped superstition and Idolatry, but of thy great mercy give us true wisdome and repentance, and avert thy Judgements. One pious Church-man is sooner to be beleeved against their own af∣fected authority, then twenty for their usurped power and advan∣tage. Luxations in Religion breed a long subsequent weaknesse, and the adversaries of our Religion, as well as Atheists, take too great advantage from such occasion. Contain us, Oh Lord, from over-pry∣ing into, and censuring thy secret Counsels, Predestination, and Free∣will, strike the same stroak upon our lives. Our comfort must rise from our endevour, in either opinion; The most subtile Writers lose and confound themselves on either side, and make too bold in concluding of thee by our blinde fantastique rules of Justice.

Thou dwellest in the Clouds, and hast cast a mist about thy self, which our fraile fight cannot penetrate: how can man hope to un∣derstand thee, whose poore finite capacity cannot so much as in his imagination conceive either way of that, which he sees and knows of necessity must be either so or so? As for instance, we know that this sublime Candens must necessarily either have bounds, beyond which there is nothing, or else go infinitely on fi∣nally unbounded, and one limit still succeeding another; but I am much deceived, if the strongest imagination can conceive either way, though one be most necessary: much lesse can we compre∣hend and compasse the essence and infinity of God, obedience and reverence to his revealed will, and not an over-bold and curious search, belong to his incomprehensible Majesty: But I have end∣ed my paper, and almost my self, vouchsafe (Oh Lord) to give me modesty, moderation, Faith, Charity, and Conscience to guide my wayes, and guide that guide, that I may live and dye in thy truth, and to thy glory, Amen, Amen.

Ianuary 29. 1637.

THis house and staire resemble me, no line Runs parallell, nor due proportion held, No Landing even, by pre-engagement spil'd, High, low, faire, mean, imperfect, and what's worst, Anxious to fit succeeding, to the first, Full of crosse reason, 'twas our equall lot, Casting our birth, th'Ascendent was forgot; Yet all in this are well and haply cast, Leading to God, and Heaven at the last.

The Verses above in their relations, are not to bee understood, but by him, which knows and considers the house, staire case, and my fortune and condition.

The staire at last leads to a standing, mounted for prospect, which leads only to it self and Sky.

My Ash-wednesday Ashes.

No term or Metaphor can carry a more true, full, and lively ex∣pression, then doth that of our regeneration, we are in the womb of this world before our second spirituall birth, such Embryons and imperfect Infants as can scarce admit to be affirmed of us, that we are indued with life and sense. It is more potentially then actually that we enjoy them. We acquiesce in a stupid and corrupt condi∣tion, we are fed and pleased in the impure nutriment of earthly and false delights, we draw our nourishment, by the Navill of our sensuality, we are wrapped in our uncleannesse, and of our selves we neither know nor affect any other being. But when God of his great grace calls and urgeth us to our true and second birth in his Spirit, he changeth our affections, cloatheth us anew, brings us to another light, another Aire, another condition. He worketh in us a sight and feeling of our former infirmities, and corruption, he purifies, refines, and fits us for a more excellent life and know∣ledge: He displayes unto us his farre more excellent beauties and glory, we draw our nourishment by another roote, more coelestiall, more defecate, we loathe and scorn our former being, and become ravished in the joy of our change, which is not without difficulty and cryes, happy cryes, happy distresse, most gainfull change. There we could not have lived ever, nor ever been but blinde and mise∣rable.

Our first life is vegetable, sensuall, common with beasts, dark, base, cumbersome, our regeneration is the only true and e∣ternall life of the Soule. There is no sincere pleasure, content, wis∣dome, courage, or peace without it, Christ alone is the Man-midwife to bring us to such happinesse.

By thy grace (Oh Lord) am I born, and without it better had I been unborn. I was wildred in a Wood, entangled in a dimme light amongst Bryers, Thornes, and wilde beasts; but thou hast freed me, and brought me into the faire, open, delightfull fields of thy grace; I was engaged to a Sea of raging waves and stormes, but thou hast instructed me to strike my greedy sailes, to cast out my vaine lading, and brought me to a most happy Port, in thy most happy Climate. I was an executor of the worlds trust, but found the estate so entangled, so subject to debts, that thou hast taught me to renounce and free my self: I will by thy Divine assistance avoid the Wood, and be free from the Bryers, the Sea, and be free from Sea-sicknesse and stormes, the worlds common courses and con∣versations, and enjoy thee and my self, exempt from troubles, cry∣ing debts and importunate vanities; The world does in Truth (for the most part) but magnas nugas magno conatu agere, &c.

I have (I thank God) in honest sort paid every man his own, and provided for my children; It is not every mans case to be so disengaged. I am free (O God) to live to thee and thee alone. My Country needs me not, nor doth it finde me fit for its service, &c. I am (by Gods grace) too rigid, too straight a peece for such Ship∣timber. I grieve to see the world as it is, nor can contribute ought but prayers to help it; how can it be other then Cachecticall, tain∣ted with the licencious luxury of strangers, intoxicate wantonnesse of Favorites, dissolution of our Seminaries, the Universities and Innes of Court; Prevarication, and corrupt example of Ecclesi∣astiques, and sinister affections, and illusions of Magistrates? as one said, Signa nostra sequentes prodimur, & nisi Christus se ipsum vindicet, actum est. The Church is compared to the Ark; and I would it did not in some things too much resemble it. It is full of various, many unclean beasts, and too floating and unsetled; I would rather prove it a City built upon the Rock Christ Jesus, firme and unchangeable; he is the sole and all-sufficient fundamentall of our Salvation, and whilest we confound our selves and seek for other, let us take heed we lose not him, and betray our selves, not only to infinite uncharitable, indiscreet, fanaticall opinions and Schisms, but even to Turcisme, and Atheisme; our wilde unsettled dissen∣tions expose us too much to both. Lord of thy great mercy teach thy Church and me, to fix in a firmitude of thy saving Faith and Religion. Banish undue policy, banish will-worship, and teach us to serve and honour thee in unity and truth of Spirit, instruct and guide me in thy wayes, and seeing thou hast made me a sociable

creature, and given me a working, active spirit, addresse me to the comfort of a sutable conversation, to discourse and walk thy waies aright. Thou must reveale such unto me; for I finde it too hard to finde them. Shall the Roman Religion afford so many, and thy Truth so few who can perswade themselves to leave the world for thee? If all other Company faile my desires, be thou my guide, be thou my comfort, and I shall still happily subsist in thee, and want nothing. The world is a writing so full of fauks, many cor∣rections cannot mend it: Una litura potest, and that I have cho∣sen.

Thus writing is troublesome, and well, nee possum vivere cumte, nec sine te. It is endlesse, nor is it fit for me to write what I would or could. May it please thee, Oh God, to turn to thy glory and my comfort, these my weak endevours, Amen, Amen.

February 7. 1637.

LIke to his joy who meets a sure guide to direct and conduct him in a faire way, after he hath been long wildred and benight∣ed in false, soule, and intricate wandrings, such, Oh Lord, is my comfort in thy sweet exhibiting thy self and thy favour unto me, I am now at ease, I see and hate the solecismes of the times, I am disentangled from a wildernesse of the worlds confused wayes and errors, nor could any other guide have freed me; Thy grace hath supported me in my writings, in my health, in my deliverance, be∣yond expression: Let vanity and sensuality delight themselves in trewand wantonnesse and wandrings, but keep me, Oh Lord, in thy wayes and schoole, and let me rather smart under the rod of thy Fatherly correction, then become abandoned to an undue and licentious Liberty. Perfection belongs to the one, perdition to the other. Accept my most humble thanks for thy infinite favours, and bring me to the heavenly Ierusalem, Amen.

February 10. 1637.

TO give in some sort, a taste and glimps what kind of Spirit possessed me in my first youth and melancholy, take these few fragments, which with many other then I coyned (but have now lost and forgot) for inscriptions never imployed.

Fond passion is, Opinion but a foole: God, Nature, Reason, are the Wisemans Schoole.

Delights, good servants, but bad Masters are, Minds cordiall medicines, us'd without fond passion, Fitting age, calling, means, degree, and fashion, Uselesse, but for our recreation, Doted on, turn diseases, our soules snare.

You'l say they are toyes, the fitter are they then For such vain bubbles, Fantomes as are men.

They profit nought, and wisemen you will say, Pleasures foundation on profit lay. To them that want not, to give Nature right, Profit it self in truth is but delight.

It is not affectation makes me write, But honest hearts ever affect the light.

Thus did Melancholy and retirednesse work upon me, my Me∣lancholy wrought my retirednesse, and that by removing me from the common delights and course of young men, my farther Me∣lancholy, removens prohibens, goes for a cause. I affected the Tree of knowledge, tasted of the unnaturall fruit, and lost my earthly paradise: though labour, toyle, and affliction have been my por∣tion in such losse, yet Christ hath proved unto me infinite ad∣vantage. He is the Christians eternall Paradise, in him we finde a new Earth, new Heavens, Peace, and joy incomparably more com∣pleat, without him all is vanity and vexation of spirit; Happy the fall which meetes with him to raise us, happy the losse which finds him to guide us. Since the first fall man discerning his nakednesse, of himself hath sought Figge-leaves for cover and advantage, a partiall cloathing in humane policies, Arts, and inventions, which all but make us feel the more the weather, and our wants. Nature is lost in artificiall affectations, and our false-acquired knowledge proves our true and reall misery. Thus plunged in vain deceiving de∣lights and wretched perplexity, no exemption, no redemption remaines but in and through Christ, and the true knowledge of him: By him we turn our first nakednesse and ragges into a full and glo∣rious garment, by him our darknesse and confusion becomes a per∣fect illumination, and in him our vain pleasures and fraile troubles become a solid continuall feast of joy, peace, and contentment. That Sun of Righteousnesse is the only true Sunne, that lighteth every man to true happinesse: the Sunne is the life of flowers, and ma∣ny of them open themselves and turne towards it; let us learn from them to open our hearts, and turn to God. He alone can disperse in us the clouds of ignorance and light vanities, in him alone is that tranquillity and true joy to be found, which by our disobedience,

and foolish affectation we have lost, all our other curiosities, all our sensualities do but more wilder us and set us further to seek. The wiser sort of men in a humane way have sought for immor∣tality to peece out their frailty, but in Christ alone it is to be found; and without him, it were better to want it. Poore creatures that we are, poore happinesse that we seek, without him who said, Seek and ye shall finde. But do not such appeare to doubt too much of the soules immortality, who will rather deny it to become infect∣ed with originall sin, by way of propagation in a probable analogie to Faith and Gods Justice, then acknowledge a naturall way of one eternall Soule to beget another, eternity being the only gift of God, and as easily and more reasonably flowing from him the one way then the other? Is not this, leaving a faire, naturall, rationall, and religious way, a kinde of teaching to doubt and mis-beliefe? Why stick they at that which is most reasonable, teaching neverthelesse Faith beyond reason; such as deny the earth to move and turn to∣wards the Sun for its own advantage, upon pretence of Text of Scripture for the earths stability, which as a thousand others, they might as well and with farre lesse straining interpret in a way of common * 1.24 appearing, if now upon reall demonstration and reason the earth be proved to move, doe they not wrong both the Scrip∣ture and our Religion? Miserable lamenesse, miserable blindnesse, of humane Divinity! Help, Oh God, or we are confounded, we are lost; true knowledge, thrift or joy, are annexed to no person, place, or condition; but thy grace and blessing gives them. Assist us all, assist me therein, and I have found more then ever I lost.

February 10. 1637.

HOwsoever these writings may, in some respect, be as unfit as troublesome in my condition, yet herein they have proved my great advantage and satisfaction, that they have taken me off from other importunate discontents and impressions, and have tyed me faster and faster to God, they have turned the sight and sense of my misery into joy and comfort, upon the discerning and parti∣cipation of his mercies unto me: They have entered and entertain∣ed me in to sweet a contemplation of his glory and goodnesse, as I hope shall never languish and dye in me, and I have, I thank God, gathered such strength upon them, that I conceive much better of my self, and the vigour of my Spirit to the discharge of any ordi∣nary performance. This my good God hath done for me, and it is wonderfull even in my own eyes, may it please him to indue me with all humble thankfulnesse, Amen, Amen.

February 12. 1637.

MY good Friend, you have obliged me, in the reading and per∣using of these my confused crudities, and you have in your in∣dulgence to them and me, and their innocent spirit of ingenuity, commended some things in them farre beyond their worth: and wished some more labour of mine to be imployed in their more or∣derly and perfect digestion, and a farther communication, but I am over-weak and lazy, and they too incorrigible, they are misha∣pen lumps of an imperfect conception, which howsoever it might be fit for me to be delivered of, yet are they most unfit for other, then a friendly view and judgement; I put them into your hands, but am farre from wishing any your farther patience or labour upon them; They are such Beares whelpes, that if they were capable of any good shape, yet were it most unfit, that any but their natu∣rall Parent should lick them into it; notwithstanding if out of your good affection to any part of them, and the propagation of good∣nesse, you conceive a tolerable Mercury may be framed of them, for the view of a more remote well-affected friend, I submit them to you. Hew off, and fashion them at your pleasure, if you should prove so idle, as to make such an undertaking, I feare you will finde so shaken a piece of Timber, as is nothing but chips before-hand. I thank God, I have ever superlatively loved goodnesse, and no∣thing better, then to be an instrument of doing good: but my for∣tune and opportunity have not answered my affection: Nor can I now, either so flatter my self, or the world, to hope the least good effect from any production of mine; you have often in your course and profession, given, and daily give better and happyer proofe of your self that way. The stuffe * 1.25 which you finde in my peeces, is in truth (and so ever I conceived it) most unfit for the sight of any other, then a cordiall and familiar Friend. The presence of sores, infirmities, and criple diseases, are fitter for an Hospital, or Almeshouse, then the stage, they excite pleasure in none, and compassion but in few, and well-disposed persons: I affect priva∣cy, and love not to expose my self and my errors to censure (guil∣ty of my imperfections) especially of fooles and depraved disposi∣tions. In truth, Melancholy and humaine frailty and dysaster, will hardly meet with anyother idoneous and compassionate Judges, then such as have felt and smarted in their sad unhappy effects; e∣very peece was intended the last, and they are too wilde and in∣coherent, to make a Teame: But (as I have formerly said, use your pleasure, reduce (if you will and can) my Chaos into method, cut off repetitions, there is matter enough to prune and burn, little for fruit; correct, destroy part, or all; if you retain anything, the labour will be the lesse, to let it be meerely mine; And thus I com∣mit my self and it to God, and you, his will, and yours be wrought on me and mine.

February 12. 1637.

TRue, and exact definitions are acknowledged to be most dif∣ficult, and knowledge of causes to be most abstruse; false di∣visions and strained proportions abuse us, faculties and notions stand not so cleere and distinct in their nature, as they are represented un∣to us, and conceived of; nor can we temper words to the mixed nature of things, erroneous affected Idea's mislead and deceive us, the wisest of humane knowing men profest the heighth of his knowledge to consist in knowing nothing, and might it not be a great part of his wisedome to write nothing? In truth not to know God aright, is to know nothing: and to know him, love him, o∣bey him, and enjoy his grace and favour, is to know all things, and enjoy that perfect happinesse, which the Philosophers have so industriously sought, but without this illumination could not pos∣sibly attain. The world is Hydropically swolne in the abundance of bookes and writings of imperfect digestion, it thirsteth more and more after them, and encreaseth more and more in tumor and crudities; men for the most part imploy their wits and pens in va∣nities, and for vain ostentation, they cavill and carp one at ano∣thers errours, and flatter themselves to know much, when they are able to affirm, what were the customes, and what the tenets of such and such Authours, and Nations, howsoever both such and their own assertions, in severall notions and acceptations of things and words, and as they are diversly affected, doe but thicken the mist of our ignorance, and prove so many ignes fatui, to lead us out of the way.

Nature is lost and drown'd in Artifice and mistakings, our igno∣rance is become invincible. We build one upon anothers unsound foundations, and are so dim (short) sighted and entangled, that nothing but a supernaturall light can cleare our Aegyptian darknesse, and disabuse us. Our presumption would exalt it self to make us a kinde of Gods in knowledge; but (non si te ruperis, par eris:) It will not, it cannot be; all we can really attain unto, without Gods good Spirit to guide us, is to take notice of our lame igno∣rance and misery (and that, if we can make good use of it, is some happinesse in that it openeth unto us a way to a more full and happy knowledge) we must in despight of our prying and affecta∣tion still be men, and dye like men. Thy goodnesse, Oh Lord, thy love, thy glory are the only subject, wherein I would be am∣bitious to write and spend my self, but thy glory is too bright for my feeble eyes, I must again sound my retreat. In thy own holy Scriptures thou hast revealed thy self sufficiently for our know∣ledge, for our eternall happinesse and salvation. There alone is the habitation of light and truth, and there alone, and in thy Christ shall I finde thee. I will affect no other knowledge, no other writing. Be propitious unto me.

February 15. 1637.

To my above mentioned Friend. The Conclusion.

YOu have formerly seen, how I engaged my self to Verse, and broke loose from it; there is indeed a kinde of wantonnesse and constraint incident to it, which agrees not with my austerity and affected liberty. I am even in prose too much a Libertine, impa∣tient of method, abandoned to confusion; I have partly, though imperfectly, made to appeare the calamitous progresse of my dis∣ease, with the happy and admirable deliverance and issue, to the good of my Soule, and no incompetency in fortune, wherein I doubt not but I shall move as well joy as compassion in such as are good and well affected towards me.

I have not been formerly void of good inclinations, (my best was ever an affection to God, good men, and goodnesse) but my disposition therein was so imperfectly sanctifyed and fortifyed, that it pleased the Divine power to cast down all my fences, to turn my best wisedome and intentions to solly, and to expose mee to the scorn of such as in my naturalls I might have scorned: such ordi∣narily is the world, and the corrupt disposition of man (especially the worst and most degenerous) that we over-measure our selves by our own foot, like lewd filthy boyes we sport our selves in cast∣ing dirt one in anothers face; He thinks me foolish, I doe as much for him, we gratifie ourselves in taking advantage at others infir∣mities and mis-fortunes, we think to inhaunse our selves thereby; In truth scorn grows commonly from such to whom it most be∣longs from others, and they exercise it without self-reflection, cha∣rity, compassion, or discretion.

Care undermined me, improsperous courses blew me up, Phy∣sick was my bane, and diversions my confusion; How miserable, Oh God, is humane frailty? How wonderfull are thy wayes? It is said, that if in case of Physick, of these three, Physitian, Patient, and sicknesse, any two conspire, they prevaile. In me the con∣spiracy hath been in all against me, with Body, Minde, and For∣tune, and yet Gods extraordinary grace and mercy have suppor∣ted and delivered me. There is no despaire till we become incapa∣ble of all manner of cure and subsisting.

February 26. 1637.

I Have often deceived my self in thinking my self at my end, the like hapneth in my writing, and before I shut up these ill-favou∣red, imperfect representations, though what I have already said, may partly satisfie my intentions, in expressing that it hath been more my disease then my self, which hath been the chief Actor in my misfortunes, yet know that the worst, the strangest, and most of my story is not brought upon this paper stage; it is too tedious and unfit for view; not only in the story of particular men, but even of State-resolutions, and publicke actions, and especially of natures course and proceedings, their true and reall motives, springs, and wayes are in most important effects, secret, concealed and dis∣guised, ordinarily hidden in their originall, even from our selves that act; we may take copies of others faces, but not of their hearts with any assurance. It hath been an honest advise to keep a corner of our heart to our selves; and if an honest heart ought not in point of discretion to expose it self, what truth is to be expected from hypocrisie and dissimulation? One absurdity admitted, a thou∣sand follow, and to the foundation of my disease laid in the excesse of Treacle, infinite have been the effects, and my sufferings, which have flowne from that and other concurring circumstances. I have at the entrance of my alteration, been ready to sink at the Table, I have many yeares since travail'd and slept with cor∣dialls at hand to keep me alive; nor left I them, till a hearty friend told me the heart must comfort the heart, which yet was lame and ineffectuall in my strongest resolutions, till I had recourse to God the onely true spirit of courage and resolution; to a curious and well-affected minde, and a weather-beaten Soule, there is no other re∣fuge or harbor of safety, satisfaction, and tranquillity. There are Climates, where it seldome or never Raines, others which clouds malusque Iupiter urgent. In one and the same Country, where the earth and heavens in their constant seasons should bee as con∣stantly disposed, yet doth the same time of the yeare prove some∣times cold and wet, sometimes hot and dry, the materials and cir∣cumstances appearing the same; this must rise from secret Springs, and combinations above the reach of our discourse. The same di∣versity and contrariety of effects befals men in their fortunes, how∣soever in appearance equally constituted. God is the cause of cau∣ses; He hath in all times and Countries provided wonders above the ordinary course of Nature, to humble and convince our hu∣mane presumption. I had a body and a minde so strongly built, that had not my spirituall and intellectuall parts predominated in me, to withdraw me from a base vulgar abandoning my self to sen∣suality, no man in probability could better have subsisted and main∣tained himself against ordinary course of dissolution and debauch. I had a Spirit naturally tempered to contain and contract it self a∣bove all excesse, but its own; And even that as well as another, it might have bridled, had not Melancholy and other adverse condi∣tions

surprised and mastered it, betrayed unto them under colour of friendship: The blood is said to be the bridle of all humours, that I lost, and much of my good spi••its with it in the conflict, but God hath proved a better bridle, a better spirit unto me. Innocent and groundlesse blushings proceeding from the tenuity and waste of my blood and spirits have been none of my least importune and pre∣judiciall symptomes. Such weaknesse joyned with a strong fancy hath made me subject to blush not onely to my self alone, but upon any surprise of mention and conceit; not only upon any reall occa∣sion, but upon what there might be so much as a possibility of in the apprehension of another. I have taken my self blushing at the ap∣pearing or name of a woman, who had shee been Eve and I Adam, the humane race would have been in great danger of failing, at length custome and complying with a conceited expectation of o∣thers, produced it, &c. God hath by his extraordinary grace up∣on my humiliation furnished me with as strange meanes to subsist, as I at the first found extravagant means to keep low and oppresse my self. In the depth of Melancholy, I have not found so much as a melancholy dream, my spirits have taken root from above and have grown upon it. Long since, after a great disease, I had such a ten∣dernesse of spirits and humours, that a thick cloud could not passe over me, but I felt an alteration upon it. It is strange how a tran∣sient thought will work, and give a suddain stroak to a remote and ill-affected weakned part of the body: the minde workes not alone by the heart and brain, as is vulgarly conceived, but the praecordia, and all parts more or lesse contribute, and are affected therein, and God hath blessed me with a minde so strong that it ever discharged it self in its passions and errors, more in my body then its own suf∣ferings; but they are still Hippocrates his Twins, and must weep or laugh together. I have now disburthened my self of all trouble, but this of writing, I am too inexhaustible therein, weary me it doth, satisfie me it cannot, I will change the Scene, and seeing I finde my self so ill a Companion, I will seek better company. I have e∣ver been over-hard to please in conversation, my present affections and habit make me now more dainty, what shall I doe? I have by Gods great grace recovered in great part, those Jewels of peace and health which I had long lost. Therefore I will no longer rake in this puddle, nor abuse his grace in over-bold and indiscreet pre∣sumption; Like the stranger belonging to another Country, I will transitorily please my self, and converse with the common passions and Interests of this world, I will spend my time in search of good∣nesse, and will make much of it where I finde it, I will wash my hands in Innocency, my Soule in my Saviours blood, and wrap my self in my own vertue, and his merits, relying on his neverfail∣ing mercy. Amen, Amen.

March 1. 1637.

THough friends be absent, conversation lost, My bating Soule oft labouring in it self, By winds and fortune on the black Sea tost, Thou present, Lord, I feare nor wave nor shelf.

Thou Father, Brother art, and Friends to me; Be the world whose it list, so thou be mine, They ne're miscarry, who rely on thee; Grace stormes dispells more strong then they combine.

All thrives, where thou the pruning Gardener art; To thy Plants, blastings frugall blessings prove; Though Summer heighth and flourishing impart, Winter gives strength and Timber to the Grove. To thine, all sufferings end in joy and rest, And th'absence of a wicked world is best.

Forced delights and contentment, are no delight or contentment; dispose, Oh Lord, my affections and I am happy; untill I had digest∣ed the tough morsels, and crudities of this world, I could never have had peace and quiet.

IOckey and his Horse, were by their Master sent To honour him in hunting, run, and race; To put in for the Bell, and take content In honest sort, fitting faire time and place.

In pride of nature, fit for any sport, Jolly and lusty both, at first they were, But shortly after both of them fell short, What by mischance, by ill-advise and care.

Soon he became engaged to a match, Which cost him dear, both on the By and Main; He thought himself no easie peece to catch, But knew not to resist so strong a train.

He now conceits he could not hope to win, Except his horse were straightly dieted. Such course he takes, but thrives so ill therein, His beast grows joylesse, faint, and famished.

He who depended much upon his beast, Grew much dejected; study, care, and thought, To set all right, and doe all for the best, Brought him as low, as first his Steed was brought.

After much time, Art, Cost, the Beast became As vigorous and lusty as before: Ill now they sorted, th'one wilde, th'other tame, Zeale to his Master helpt to make him poore.

Jockey must ride, the Beast would run away, He strove and pul'd, and us'd his best of Art, To check his pride, and force him to obey, So long till both were sinking out of heart.

The Master now came in, to this disorder, And finding Jockeyes want of strength and skill, By his all-taming art, brought all in order, And fashioned horse and man unto his will. Thus right, and each to other fitted well, They are to run, and cannot misse the bell.

You may call this to the world a fit of Melancholy, but my hope and resolution is by Gods grace, never to be other, then my con∣clusions make me to appeare in the former peeces: I shall be sorry for your patience, if out of your good will to me, you have troubled your self in running over any part hereof, but happy, if I may finde you recompensed by being taken, with any one of them; they dis∣affect publication and fame, yet beleeve me, I mean to live by my Book. For though I avoid exemplification and enrolment, yet I am contented to admit of some few honest witnesses, whereby the more to oblige my self. I know it is a wildernesse, but even such are artificially and affectedly of use in none of the meanest Gardens, and good Herbs and Simples are not rejected or contemned for growing wilde. Though the fruit be harsh and grow upon a shrub, you may finde it wholesome, you may finde it usefull.

HAving by Gods great grace, this present morning, falne upon a design and rumination, which I esteem the most perfect and happy of any that ever I entertained, the notions and affections of the minde being ordinarily fleeting, the memory infirme, and un∣faithfull, and resolutions without a constant firmitude, fruitlesse, and ineffectuall: I have thought good to Register such my discourse, whereby the better to fix my self for the future, in what I now ap∣prove and intend.

I have taken notice of many in all Religions possessed with an af∣fectation and industry of converting others to their own Faith and tenets. Generare sibi simile, is a naturall propension; and assimila∣tion, a common delightfull operation. In-animate species natural∣ly multiply themselves in the Aire, and propagation of impressions

effect a pleasing reflection. Many Preach in the Pulpit, few in their lives, and fewer make it a businesse particularly to labor particular Reformations in their common conversation: Christianity is taken up rather for outward fashion and profession, then for any inward essentiall form and habit; if we were really what we pretend to be, we would not rest satisfyed in our perfunctory proceedings. We would actuate and propagate our Faith and Charity upon others, and improve our felicity in a spirituall way, according to that rule, which affirmes him to be born in vain and unprofitably, per quem non nascitur alter. We are all ordinarily charitable to such as we see out of the way by our directions and conductings, we are apt to rectifie errors in any thing rather then piety and Religion. It is a preposterous affection and modesty, seeing there can be nothing so important both to Gods glory and our own good, as a due obser∣vation of his will and our profession. We love the children of our beds, and of our braines, and they are often happy unto us: But certainly it must be an incomparable and superlative contentment, if it hath pleased God to make us the children of his good Spirit, to become happy instruments of raising up and begetting spirituall Children to him; nothing conduceth more unto it, then that our light so shine before men, that they may see our good workes, and glorifie our Father which is in Heaven. Light is most diffusive, and flame incentive, if we be truely enflamed our selves, we shall hardly faile (at least we ought not) to communicate and extend it to others, who often consist of matter well disposed and combusti∣ble, but want good kindled Coales of Devotion and blowing to be applyed and work upon them. I have formerly lived in London with hurt to my self, and no good to others, I feare not now my own prejudice, and am ambitious of others good, could I meet as well with opportunity and conveniency of living in it with a so∣ciety and seconding in my affected course, as there is too much oc∣casion and subject of corrupted times, and matter to work upon, I should be much the more happy. But howsoever, I intend the pro∣secution of what I propound to my selfe, and that confidently: we too frequently glory in our shame, and are shame-faced in the ex∣hibition of a true and glorious piety and devotion. Blesse mee, Oh God, in this, and all other thy good motions, perpetuate them unto mee, teach me to scorn the contempt and glory of the world, to preferre and exalt the sincerity of thy truth and Religion, above all earthly considerations, let me be none of those, who beleeve thee no farther then they see thee, and their own imaginations be∣fore thee, confirme and strengthen me in all good endevours, and accept my most humble thanksgiving for thy wonderfull grace and mercy upon me, and that for thy deare Son our Saviours sake, to whom with thee and thy holy Spirit be all glory for ever, Amen, Amen.

March 20, 1637.

THis is the misery of writing, and condition of matter, if we passe things slightly over, our short touches make little or no impression, and if we inculcate them with long insistings, and re∣petition, we prove nauseous and tedious. I am guilty of both.

My Sunne rose faire, but soon was overcast, Strong, wanton, Joviall, active, free, and bold, Morally good by nature I was cast, Saturne, and inexperience all control'd: God I should say, good only, I remain'd, And by his goodnesse better goodnesse gain'd; The clouds are gone, and I am over-blest, A Fagots second fire is sometimes best.

POore busie fooles! walk fairely to your Graves, Live long you cannot, you may dye to morrow; Short stay a sutable decorum craves, Temper your seriousnesse as well as sorrow.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Or from.
• * 1.2

  I chose to entertaine my mind to build in dividing my London house where (in al e∣vents) there would be least losse, and then lived many years in the lesser part.
• * 1.3

  As, Mater me genu••••, eadem ••nox gignitur ex me.
• * 1.4

  I meane not a curiosity of ostentation or daintinesse, for such never possessed mee: but only of se∣dulous consi∣deration and rectitude.
• * 1.5

  To judge o∣thers by our selves may be a rule of charity, but not of wis∣dome.
• * 1.6

  In truth, half-hood of materials and workmen, their mista∣kings, and loytering, make building much more vexati∣ous then for∣merly.
• * 1.7

  Which over∣kept in a small Dose and ha∣ving lost its due operation, lay in my body till the next spring & with a bur∣ning & corro∣sion then for three moneths spa••e deprived me almost wholly of sleep which to an inveterate me∣lancholy, was no little suffe∣rance.
• * 1.8

  They who wrestle not a∣gainst their ap∣petites, nor are over solicitous of avoiding all inconvenien∣ces, are they who often suc∣ceed best, and sayling in the common cha∣nell, enjoy the commodities, & delights of this world. Many inconveniences are easier born then avoided, easier admitted to bee subse∣quently rectifi∣ed, then indu∣striously and curiously ••••∣chewed▪
• * 1.9

  As did the first Caesa••.
• * 1.10

  In truth my estate w••s so scantie that my endeavou•••• could intertain no further aim then to be able to subsist.
• * 1.11

  Religion or artificial reason taken to heart, check out Ple∣••r phoria, in na∣tural pleasures.
• * 1.12

  The smallest seeming incon∣siderable causes are often in∣duction•• to the gr••••••st con∣cl••••on of this world.
• * 1.13

  Great evils are truely ob∣served to take advantange by seconding one the other.
• * 1.14

  The use of Tunbridge and Epsam waters, for health and cure, I first made known to London, and the Kings peo∣ple; the Spaw is a chargeable & inconvenient journey to sick bodies, besides the money it 〈◊〉〈◊〉 out of the Kingdome, & inconveni∣ence to Religi∣on.
• * 1.15

  Ingenuous mindes affect to give a due & just accommo∣dation to all things and per∣sons, and to themselves no more, which is hard to doe in this various fantasticall world.
• * 1.16

  So of minds.
• * 1.17

  Rules are so variable in their applica∣tion, that with∣out strength of experience & discretion to o∣ver-rule them, they as much mislead as direct: they serve to good noti∣ons & discourse but little to practise: I mean not such as are Mechanicall.
• * 1.18

  A predomi∣nancy of any of the four hu∣mours is perni∣cions, and so of Melancholy in excesse. Am∣bition is con∣demned of ma∣ny who would be glad to re∣semble it in its concomitan∣cies of vertues•• that and Me∣lancholy with their right cor∣rectives 〈◊〉〈◊〉 prove as hap∣py as witty. They are often mishapen and bad in the roote, but faire and good in the fruit; like Wardens, choaky and harsh in their cruditie, but of generous and excellent j••yce and relish, seasoned and concocted with the soft and gentle 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of Gods good grace and spirit.
• * 1.19

  Politique engagements, humane in∣ventions, and unnaturall so∣phistications raise such a mist and con∣fusion, espe∣cially upon the most ingenu∣ous well affect∣ed spirits, that the best of our short day is past, by that time wee can cleare and free our selves.
• * 1.20

  In our natu∣rals they had bin easily con∣tained, & with∣in a small com∣passe, when no∣thing but faith can now cir∣cumscribe and quiet them.
• * 1.21

  Medicines in truth work their effect by encountring & stirring the peccant humor strength of na∣ture expelling both the Phy∣sick & humour in which con∣sideration a right and stir∣ring exercise is the surest and best digestion & expurgation
• * 1.22

  A•• was said, Non ego pau•• is offendor maculis 〈◊〉〈◊〉 non incuria sudit, aut huma∣na parum cavit natura, such in grea•• par•• have befalne mee.
• * 1.23

  Some of these pieces were in∣tended but as Paraphrases to verses, after di∣gested to Al∣phabeticall Sonnets.
• * 1.24

  Besides other Texts which make & consist with a different opinion. The ancient Church errour against the Antipodes may also be a cavear▪
• * 1.25

  Imperfect in the first con∣coction, not to be perfected in the second.