Page  1

SOME OBSERVATIONS Upon the Humor of Writing Rehearsal's Transpros'd.

TO begin with your Ti∣tle: The Rehearsall Transpros'd. It Intimates the Author has imitated the Rehearsal, for which you think good to make a Play of the Author. It rests therefore to be ex∣amined, whether He be Bayes in a Preface, or you the fool in the Play.

I come to the bottom of your Ti∣tle Page— At the sign of the Kings Indulgence, on the South-side of the Lake of Lemane, and sold — In Chan∣cery Lane. Amongst the Lawers? will it sell best there? Why, you don't think the Lincolns-Inn, and Temple-wits, will take the Rehearsal Transpros'd for a Case of Alienation, or Page  [unnumbered]〈1 page duplicate〉Page  [unnumbered]〈1 page duplicate〉Page  2Observations upon a Preface for A Book of Reports. Upon my word they don't like your Iesting with Playes so near them. Somebody may Tran∣sprose Ignoramus shortly at this Rate too, and, then, who knows where the Stone may light at last? As for the Lake of Lemane I'le suppose it a Stand∣ing water, and so may Tarry till I come to it again by and by. Then I shall exanine its Situation, and see if there be a North, or a South, or a Blind side belonging to it. But, — At the sign of the Kings Indulgence: 'Tis true, He hath given you one, but I don't think He looks upon it for civilly or indeed craftily done of you, to be at every turn Quoting Him on this fashion for it upon Needless, or Buffoon occasions: You know in Scripture such and such things were permitted the Iews for the Hardness of their Hearts. Should they now ever and anon have been Rallying Moses for his Condescentions? had they not as good have told him in Plain Page  3 Hebrew that, the Hardness of their Hearts had been too Hard for Him? But, to the business.

Your book begins (for a lucky hit) with a Dilemma you say you have caught the Author in of his own ma∣king; For, if he will not accept his own Charge, his modesty (say you) is all impudent. Call you this Catching him in a Dilemma? Pray, what•s the meaning of Impudent Modesty? Is your Design to Convince, or to Pose us? We are Modest people, and shall remember Alonzo Tiveria as well as we can, but we would not be put altogether to sub∣mit to your Arguments by believing in your words. We cannot always (as you desire) expound a Pillar, or Explicate a Post: besides, one would think you had been told often enough of Particular & Universal Round Quadran∣gle; that a man ought not to talk like a Ninny-hammer but when it were evidently Courteous and Gent, or Tu∣ant,Page  4 or Great. But if this be still a Dilemma, thou art the unluckyest Di∣sputant in the world; for thou pretendest to argue for General Liber∣ty, and concludest for nothing but meer Lutheranism: for Impudent Modesty is the very Doctrine of Consubstantiati∣on. Yet happy, happy thou! (since thou must needs Transprose) hast had the fortune to light upon the Rehearsal; for, since people will be so idle as (at first dash you see) to ask, what sig∣nify's Impudent Modesty? Thou may'st there find an Answer which no School∣man but Bayes ever light upon, and, may'st tell them, Nay pray Sirs, have a little patience: Godsookers you'l spoil all my Transprosal. Why 'tis impossible to answer every impertinent Question you ask. But, for all this, I know his Majesty does not intend his Tole∣ration shall extend to Nonconformity in Sense also: and therefore, for this time I will tie you to that Ceremony of the Church of England, as to Speak it.

But, to proceed: you hoped (ay, Page  5 and I dare say would have lost your ten pound wager on the Condition) that He, nor nobody else would have written any more in behalf of the King of Englands Rights (for all your being sure you had the Keys of Tran∣sprosing;) but he hath, that there are Grounds for Fears & jealousies of Popery. And pray, are there not? Since the Popish Interest (as your self make anon appear) is founded chiefly upon Keep∣ing the people in Ignorance; and some of the wisest of them are so Ignorant already as to talk of Impudent Mo∣desty; yet if such kind of Terms seem necessary for the Ends you use them, then Oh too frail Reason that contradicts Transprosal! But let's see; what is the mischief the Author is going to do? To trick up Bishop Bramhal in a yellow Coif, and a Bulls Head? What sense the Author can be said to trick him up in a Bull's Head in, I confess, I do not understand. But, your Con∣ceits are all so easie and familiar that I am confident you mean something by it.

Page  6You fall next upon the unfortunate Invention that Printing has proved to be, That Villanous Engine the Press and Reformation being invented much a∣bout the same time. Pre'thee leave fooling, and tell us what thou art. Ieer the whole Reformation? All that are not Romanists? I have heard there was a certain Counsellor, that when he had pleaded a long while the Iudge asked him, who he was for, Plaintif or Defendent? But, thou makest Our Case worse; Thou abusest thy Clients. At this rate we must wish you would write express in defense of Popery, for the credit of the Protestant Religion.

But you say, 'Twas happy when all Learning was in Manuscript, & some little Officer like the Author kept the Keys of the Library: I doubt you'l find him a great Officer by and by, and the Door of his Preface so well kept, that it will be past your Skill to pick the Page  7Lock. And, there was a time (ano∣ther happy time) when the Clergy need∣ed no more Knowledge then to read the Liturgy.

Nor the Laity more Clerkship then to then to save them from Hanging. 'Tis Sung, you might let point of Clerkship alone, having been your self some∣time beholding to it: But, no more of that.

You say next, the Mischief of Printing is, that, now if a man write a Book presently he is answered: Here you must give us leave to distinguishbetwixt → Transprosing and Answering. 'Tis plain some Persons are presently Transprosed, but we can't perceive that any of the Principal things they say are Answered.

Page  8Next you fall upon B. and L. and call them Publick Tooth-Drawers (no doubt you mean Printing's Tooth-Drawers:) For Publick Tooth-Drawers signifies no more then Tooth-Drawer, and were Tautology, like Publick Shooe-maker or Publick Cobler; now you do not mean they are literally Tooth-Drawers, for that would spoile the Sense of your Allegory; wherefore you have mistaken your self, and these things when B. and L. meet with, They expunge or stop them: and then, They are indeed (in your sense) Printing's Tooth-Drawers.

But, the Dutchman (you say) ought to have been contented with a Wine press: Had it been a Churne or a Cheese-press, you had said something; but if there be scarce a Bunch of Grapes (much less one Vineyard) in all Holland, why should the Dutchman be so contented with a Wine-Press? would you serve him as the Wench serv'd her Master, Page  9 and onely shew him Le trou par ou a passe son Vin? Or, do you think (be∣cause he loves a Dram of the Bottle) that every time he was fudled he would imagine it was a Sluice, or some newer kind of Engine to defend His Country.

But now, we come to a horrible business: The Author had said (as Tra•sprosal tells me) that He was imploy'd about matters of more comfortable impor∣tance. Now this Comfortable importance (says Trans) was one of three things, (vide) and that which he pitches upon of the three to be it, is a Female: and, when he has done (like a Wise-Acres) He makes nothing of it. There is onely an immodest Barbarian's way of be∣ing good Company, in the Paragraph, that speaks of Britches being down: Paw, There is a thing in our Land, and it is known by the name of Pitch; this Pitch (as thou should'st know) defileth: So does the Style thou writest. Did Hudi∣bras talk thus when he said,

But I see your Talent does not consist in Talking. Rosemary, but in rayling at Bayes, for which you will never deserve any of that, but, A great deal of Rosemary for your pains.

And now I am come to these words: But He (the Author) knows not which way his mind will work it self. This Expression sets Trans's head so a working, that you would •hink it would never have done. He works a Quarter of the Rehearsal (especially, poor Volscius for doubting whether he had best pull on t'other boot, or leave off work) almost off of it's legs. Sir William D' Avenant but offered to speak of warm weather, and He makes him Sweat for't; and Sydrophel for being a piece of an Astrologer, He's resolv'd shall never have good luck after.

Page  11Why, This is Whipping Tom, and ten times worse then the School-Ma∣ster of Paul's he talks of: for He— Takes up all their Mayle-Pillians. Then, in conclusion, he ownes that his Friend I. O. (after such another Dispute) had prevailed with himself, and, much a∣gainst his Inclination, to Write too. So that Bays did but imitate Him: Though Trans had not done like Trans (it seems) if he had Omitted (as far as in him lies) to make ridiculous all the Three.

But, all this is but hanging forth a Picture, and sounding a Call. Now step in, for the monster himself begins. He comes to Mr.—Preface to Bishop Brambal. Take notice only by the way that a Headstal will serve a Monster for a Crupper, & you pass on to the next Room where you shall see one ask∣ing leave to call the Author Bayes. I don't find that any body gives it him; so he ventures to do it of himself; Page  12 but, for several Reasons; and, they are the best that ever I heard.

He has no good faculty at being brief and tedious; therefore (to save Tyring) the sum in short is this: He begins to apprehend that his Wit and Invention may fail him, and therefore thinks necessary to provide himself early of a Nick-name to take breath withal against he comes to be Iaded. Just (methinks) like Bar∣tholmew-Cokes —Who sate in the Stocks Numps, Ha! Who, with that one word only Rehearsed again and again absolutely ranspros'd Numps. But if this does not give satisfaction, he will derive his Authority (which Re∣solute Bat would have scorn'd now) out of St. Thomas, who (says Trans) says, that not only Governors, but any thing else, may give Names. Sure, St. Thomas's words (for I have him not all without Book) are not, [or any thing] for every thing (for example a Goo∣ses's Quill) can't speak; but, any Per∣son Page  13 may give Names: Well, be it Per∣son then. Why though any person may Give, he does not say, they may Call Names. Now if I am mista∣ken, pray when you have leisure to reward me for my pains. Call me any thing so you do not call me Spade. However I think it is by this plain, That such Mistaking and Perverting Sophisters as you ought not to be suf∣fered to read the Scripture, nor in∣deed the School-men neither. But now, to the Monster of London-Der∣ry.

And first, (that his Testimony may pass with the less prejudice a∣gainst he comes with a whole Booth fall of Eloquence to describe him) he begins with telling you that, He had formerly collected a deep Reverence for him, but He has now parted with part of the pleasure he injoy'd in thinking well of Him; yet till He recreates himself with believing, that his sim∣ple Iudgment will make no bo•y thi•k the Page  14 worse of Him, and we recreate our selves friend (I doubt this Book will teach me to talk affectedly) in belie∣ving so too. But, since He is not dead, I am the more obliged to repair in my self whatever Breaches of his Credit, by that Additional Civility which consecrates the Ashes of the Deceased. Heaven blest us! what have we hear? You talk of Bayes the 2d. and a luscious and effeminate Style; Why heres a very Syrrup of Additional Civility, besides Orice-powder of the Ashes of the Dead. However, if this Syrrup and Powder will make a Cement to repair the Breaches of the Bishop's credit, I am satisfied. Toleration, is that a Re∣ward for such an Orator? Why give him but a Trowel to help Imboss and fret the Flowers of his Rhetorical Mortar, when he Apologizes, Pane∣gyricks, or Transproses, and I'le under∣take He shall deserve a Resignation o•Merry Andrew's and Puncinello's Pa∣tents, and to have all Lincolns-Inn Fields and Charing-Cross to himself.

Page  15But I must dispatch, for I see He's making Paul's work on't already, and heres as many Leaves almost as there are Windows and Doors in Sa∣lisbury Church, and all to prove, That the Bishop was a weak man, and laid an unfeisable Design. I beg your pardon; not All to prove, for most of them indeed do but as good as repeat one another.

But, before we proceed with the Bishop, He must have a fling at Bayes; and then, He will upon the Bishop a∣gain, and after, (if one Bawble or other do not come in his way) at Bayes again, as before: So that I can hardly tell when I am answering, or, wherefore, or, for whom. For he manages this whole Discourse just like Iack, that was left at home to roast the Goose; When he was turn∣ing the Spit he remembred he had the Spig•• in his hand, and when he was run to stop the Barrel, he re∣membredPage  16 he had left Dogs in the Kit∣chin: But, ← betwixt → both, with his extraordinary Diligence, and care of every thing, when the Company came from Church, there was neither Meat, nor Drink left for Dinner.

Well, this Bayes we are speaking of having fam'd the Bishop for bravery, Trans says he should have furnisht him with a Sword like Bishop Odo's, which was like an other (Irish) Clergy-man's, which was as like a Nut-Cracker (for — it Crack'd men clad in Steel) as the men that were Crack'd, (as he tells me that is crack'd) were like Nuts. It is there describ'd however (that the Bishop might not mistake it seems) at large, in four Wild-Irish (I think) Verses. He might as well have took,

Page  17Out of Chaucer (for they are ← bet → ∣ter) but, I believe he durst not look in him for fear of meeting with the Plow mans Tale.

But let a man behave himself how he will with his Whineard, He gets no Commendations of Bayes, but upon two Conditions: That he dye, or be of his Party. Which I think is as much as to say, that He rejoyces at no bodies success that is against him, not will Preach at nobodies Funeral till they be Dead. But when he does, He will do it for Exploits which He will take out of the Knight of the Sun. Why Trans, is every thing that is Heroi∣cally done applicable to every Body? Suppose you were past that which you may chance to come to; I mean, suppose you were Dead. If I should say,

Page  18Were this Commending the Au∣thor of the Rehearsal Transpros'd? It is not, it is not: They abuse you only (and so you ought to understand it) whoever (dead or alive) does but of∣fer to Glance at you with such an Ex∣pression.

But Bayes gives the Bishop such im∣probable Elogies, that He had dyed the death of Secundinus if the swelling of Truth would have choaked him: Why Trans, art thou mad? if the Elogies were not true, what hurt would the swelling of Truth have done Bayes? but if they were, how horribly is all thou hast said swell'd with Lies? But I perceive you think it would have been dangerous if you had done other∣wise. Truth might have choaked you. Nay then I'le never blame your Ray∣ling at them both: Defaming the Church, and pretending to be only for Toleration; for, I would have no man Guilty of his own death. But passing this, what News? Why, while Page  19Bishop Bramhal was doing Feats in Ireland, Bishop Usher busied himself in Grubstreet about Modern Orthodoxy. I acknowledge this Expression to be nice and smart; But I understand it not originally your own: What the Bishop busied himself about, was Refu∣ting pretty ancient Error. So you en∣deavour by applying it here to abuse at once but the Bishop, the World, and the Author.

But is there no more? Yes, Bayes represents Bishop Bramhal like St. Chri∣stopher: who, though as big as big as ten Porters, sweats under the burthen of an Infant. Why then he means your Book: Which though it every where sufficiently discover the Infant; yet the Title above all shews the Child could not so much as speak plain.

But to be serious▪ Bishop Bramhal (you say) endeavoured to make a Catholick agreement amongst the Churches of Chri∣stendom: Why are not you now en∣deavouringPage  20 to make every body (if you could) Nonconformists? But it was a most presumptuous thing to think he could perswade and fascinate (are these two all one? then all you per∣swade are bewitch'd.) The Roman Church, which by a regular Contex∣ture of Policy hath interwoven itself with the Secular Interest, and made it self necessary to most Princes: and at last erected a Throne of Infallibility over the Conscience. Now I perceive whom I am to speak to. Why, Mon Pere, hath she shew'd any more Policy then other Princes who have lost half what they had? But she hath made her self necessary to most Princes. You do not mean sure so necessary, that they must let Her serve them in spight of their Teeths.

But she has erected a Throne of In∣fallibility over the Conscience: Do'st thou take this to be the first of April when (they say) folks send fools of Errands? We have searched the Page  21Pope's Person for this Infallibility; but we find him ever and anon asking Placet, or Non placet? of his Con∣clave of Cardinals. They both give the way to a General Council. Lastly, your Writers say, It is in the Body of the whole Catholick Church. I can li∣ken our Journey to nothing so much as the imployment one finds in a Fortune-book: Where the first Chance sends you to the Philosopher Pythago∣ras; He bids you Go to King Prian, and He to King Pipin; at last you come to the Oracle, and when a man is there, He is told perhaps He shall have two Wives, or else his Wife mis∣carry of her first Child.

But because I would be perfectly satisfy'd before I ventured to deliver my opinion of this; I went to Lylly, and desired Him if he could, that He would give me some Information. So he told me, there was one indeed that was of such a Stature, such a Complexi∣on, pretty well-spoken, grievous long-winded,Page  22 and he was indeed a person that was (Bating Errors) infallible. But as for the Alteration which you say you think God hath signified in par• what means he will accomplish it by; it is a sly Insinuation, and the answer con∣sists onely in taking notice of it. But the Bishops project remains still as likely to go on as yours. And whereas you ask if he had hammered the Roma∣nists and Protestants into one Coloss•∣an Church (that's Quibble round) Now then shall the people do for Bibles? Since the Bishop would not have unqua∣lify'd people read the Scriptures. Why, they might have Bibles of the Doway Translation, which look like Bibles e∣nough to satisfie them, yet are (you know) clean another thing. Again, you bring the Church of Rome to ob∣serve our weakness, that we should think of uniting our Neighbours, who can't agree together at home.

Why, and we (if you will have it) observe Hers too in the same kind•Page  23 That she should send her Missions to •he Indies, China, and the An∣•ipodes, affecting a Government•ver Nations so remote, that she must direct her Dispatches — To our Dearly beloved, &c. In Aethiopia, their Children, or Grand-children, for a Ge∣neration or two must die at least before •he Letter can be delivered. Other∣wise as to our own Differences, I'le •ell you one piece of my mind with∣out your giving me cause: And that is, I confess I think it a simple thing for Frogs and Mice to fall out till there be no Kites. But forsooth, the Ceremonial Controversie amongst us can be defended by no Arguments but what are fetch'd out of the Pope's Arsenal. We don't desire to defend the Contro∣versie, but to end it. But would the Popes Arsonal be so kind? Poor Ar∣senal! 'Tis pity it was not ← better → stor'd with Arguments against Pillars too, when the French Embassador was lately us'd there with so little Ceremo∣ny. But thou mak'st the strangest Piece Page  24 of the Pope, that keeps his Argum••• in a Castle, and his Artillery in an I••∣horn. Rather then have ← betray → this, the Church of England should have defended themselves with the•old Arguments out of Scripture still, if they would (had I been you) before I would have told them where the• may have ← better → .

But now we come to that that 〈◊〉 material indeed, and highly necessa∣ry I promise you for States-men to consider, that is, whether if the De∣sign of Union had gone on, England would not have undertook a Voyage 〈◊〉 Civita Vecchia? Truly the Bishop was much overseen in not thinking of this▪ for, if the Pope loves Eggs in Musc••dine so well (as you say) for his morn∣ings Draught, (whose person you shall not find me speak so unreverendly of while he is a Great Prince;) no doubt Rome would presently have turn'd a Loadstone, and England a piece of I∣ron, and (lying so commodious for Navi∣gation) Page  25 if the Alps would not have come hither (as you say is probable) have sailed over them. And happy then would have been for us rather to have been tempted abraod at Wap∣ping, and sold by Good Spirits to St. Christopher's or the Barbadoe's; yet as if Rome's Throne were not infallible, or both sayls and reason insufficient for so short a Cut you say, besides the debates of that there is a ← better → way of tampering to bring men over that have a power to con∣clude. Admit your Tribe have that way, are you such a fool to confess it? You bring a fair suspicion upon who∣ever obliges you.

But the Church of Rome has so much more wit then we had in Bishop Br••hal's dayes, or seem to have yet learned: Whom do you mean here by We? if you mean your self, and your Nonconforming Brethren; truly We the King and Church of England have nothing to say against it: and they are beholding to you. But if you Page  26mean by We that have not learn'd more Wit yet, all that are not Non-Confor∣mists: It is a Ioke upon Tolera•••• made by your self, being your grateful return to his Majesty for it.

But, the Bishops design was ill laid, though p. 36. (I must make riddance of you, nothing but the same again and again? This is talking upo• Beads rather then Transprosing) it seems He had not the Art of Tamper∣ing: Yet, pag. 38. Doubtless he was a good natur'd Gentleman (your Reason• are ← better → here then those for Bayes's Name) but yet He dwelt in the middle Story with Pots above, and Smoake be∣low, (p. 39.) and so could not expect (his Imagination was so good) to enjoy his I∣magination, without the Annoyances in∣cident — to Additional Civility, & so forth: On my word this is a shrewd imputation to the Bishop, That He liv'd in the middle Story. However it seems his Servants had a good time on't, for below were Pipes and Tolera∣tion; Page  27 above were Pots and Toleration. While the worthy Master (like a liv∣•ng Emblem of the Church he was a Member of, whose sober, yet decent Government, equally recedes from the Clownish Devotions of some who hardly serve God with Civility, and the near Comical Fantasticness of o∣thers) sate with honor, but without Pride, calm, and compos'd, in the middle Story. But what Temper in a Prince, what moderation in Govern∣ment can ever satisfie People, who (when you have said all) must be protected as well as indulged, and taught as well as list'ned to, if that which best answers all ends, suits with both Interests, must be scorn'd, and ex∣cepted against, our middle Story? But, I see where the Shoo most pinches; The Smoake being below, and the Pots above, we have neither Drink nor To∣bacco; and so, can bid a Non Con∣formist welcome if he should come to our Chamber. You have some rea∣son I confess to be little Zealous for Page  28 these: For as there is nothing mo•e illustrates the Doctrine of New-Light then a Pipe, so no Arsenal affords mo••plenty of Arguments, then a Fot for Liberty.

You proceed, yet though the Bishop prudently undertook a design which 〈◊〉 hoped not to accomplish in his own dayes: It was some Judgement however to measure the difficulty of an enterprize. But thou art hoping to accomplish a Uniform inconformity by the meer assi∣stance of impudent modesty: I doubt that will be a pretty while a doing too, wherefore you had ← better → sure have kept to the Pot of good Ale, which so soon can be swallow'd; for,

But now, breath a little, here• some variety: He falls upon Bayes again; and for what do you think? Not for saying, He had parted with the Page  29 pleasure of thinking well of Him; cal∣ling Him craz'd, and undertaking Churchman, saying He dwel't in the middle Story; or, prudently laid a design he hoped not to live to see accomplished: but, for dishonouring and abusing the Bishop, — Where Honor was the furthest from his thoughts, and whom he used for a stalking Horse. I render my Cause (as the Sword men would have it) for fear I should not be credited. He taxes him farther with being se∣vere to the other Reformed Churches: Still, he does not call him Ugly old Woman, nor challenge him of his sin•, being false to his own. Then comes your Pat-applications out of the Rehearsal again, of which there are and will be so many, that the Play will seem rather Transcrib'd, then Transp•os'd. Now he calls Bayes the Spiritual Draw-Can-Sir over Hungary, Transilvania, Bohemia, Poland, six Countries more, and many more (he says) besides, and a great part of England too. Of all whose BeardsPage  30 He will make his Comfortable Impor∣tance Simarrs. Truly Trans, as to his being Draw-can-Sir; I say, for Eng∣land what if he be? Hath not your Rome one too for Italy, Spain, France, Purgatory, Germany, &c. that would be so for Hungary, Transylvania, Bo∣hemia, &c. a great part of England, and the rest of it, and all but the Margin of Mercator's Map? yet, I hope not to make Simarrs of then beards. Though, by the way, Fri∣ars might do well to leave shaving; if there be any Jealousie, hair is im∣ploy'd to make Comfortable Importances Simarrs: Nay, and then the Women may make themselves Fig-leaves of it too (for ought I know.) Transprose me that.

As for his being Penitentiary U••∣versal to the other Churches, and Buffoon General to our own: For the first, that would be no Imployment in this case, for Conformists don't nee• to Repent, and Nonconformists neve•Page  31 do: And for Buffoon — I see no rea∣son but we may be permitted to write Transprosal•s as well as your self.

But now Ware-hawk! You say the Author took in a couple in Partnership to help him: Why then he's no Draw-can-Sir again. That's some good news for Hungary, Tran∣sylvania, Bohemia, Popland, &c. Now I remember me you have often borrowed of the Gazette. You have acknowledged the Debt. Troth be∣ing you are come to Condition, send them this Intelligence, and Pay them.

But these two Assistants (as you re∣present them) prove (like Loiola in Ignati•s his Conclave, who was in∣deed the verier Lucifer himself) to be ten times worse Conformists then Bayes, if he had been Draw-can-Sir; (such another slip may un-Bayes him too; look to't.) For, they are as fit for his Design as those two that club•d with Ma∣humet Page  32 to make the Alcoran, and by a perverse wit and Representation might Travesteere the Scripture, and render the serious part (it seems you don't look upon it to be all so) of Religion contem∣ptible. Why, sure you han't deny'd one another fair Quarter all along Gentle∣men, have you? I can't imagine what should provoke, or where He could learn this Language, except he had it out of the Alcoran, or learn'd it of old Ioan; nay, then ee'n at it I faith; at your Mother you Rogue, y•• Rascal, and let Ursula defend the Re∣hearsal for me.

He strikes immediately upon ano∣ther, and perhaps a worse Shelf: He desires the World to take notice, that he does not mean Hudibras to be one of these that had a hand in M•▪ — Book. Now have at you a∣gain Trans. If you think the World (but for your Advancement) would think Hudibras had a hand in it, then (for all this Copy of your Counte∣nance) Page  33 you do think your self, that it is an Excellent Piece: Or, if you think it a simple on•, the Complement is worse to Hudibras that way: For why should you think the World would think (had they not your Advertisement) Hudibras had a hand in a simple Book? However you do well to endeavour to satisfie that Author, that (how blunderingly soever you understand your own notions) you intend him no Dis-respect; for though he has fal'n first upon true blue, you don't know but he may chance to make either Ralpho or Ignatius the Colonel next time, should he be disoblig∣ed.

Your next Expression of a Daw-Divine derides the Faculty (what needs that?) not the person. Can't you call whom you please Sir Roger without calling whoever is a Divine a Sir Iohn Daw? One should make fine work, if as you compare a Di∣vine to a Daw, I should compare the Page  34Throne, or Chair of Infallibility to his Nest: But

And so, as to such scandalous and dangerous discouse as this, I once more take my leave of you, and bid your Transprosership heartily fare∣well.

But the Author writes without a Name or Imprimatur. Of the first you might ← better → have taxed him if you had told him your own: and for the other, I promise you I'le have one now if I can get it. And since you call the Licensers Toothdrawers, if he that shall happen to oblige me in the case, will give it me as I would have him, instead of Nihil reperio bonis mo∣ribus, &c. contrarium, he shall say,

Page  35 And that I hope will please you.

Here follows a whole leaf that be∣longs to Ursula; & so he brings you to Astrologie, & Comets, & says you can't by a Tellescope, but you may with a Mi∣croscope see the Author in Heaven-Inn▪ Calvins head. I never saw any thing so like Doll in her Fit. Certainly the Rabbins and Heathen Greeks are come at last — to teach the people of Great Britain; for these are Stars in story that none see nor look at. Poor Calvin in∣deed, that can't lie quiet in his grave, but must have somebody in his head, every time that any body has a Mag∣got in theirs. But now to the Bramble and Lake of Lemane;! did not, nor no man alive I think would have thought, after all this Cracking, that you had caught the Author placing Geneva on the South side of the Lake of Lemane; but that he had said such a thing in some such plain and apparent manner, that no excuse could have been made, no gloss nor interpretation have palliated it: but upon taking Page  36 more heedful notice: for ought I see you do but quote Sir Thomas again. For all that the Authors words (by you cited) say is, That a Bramble spr••g up on the South side of the Lake of Le∣mane, — whose soyl was rank, &c. Why must all the place either of Cal∣vins birth, which he may mean by Springing up; or that he ever lived and taught in, needs be the Town of Geneva? You can't prove he was any Parish-child of the place, or bound Prentice (like some of your Brethren) in it, till he was fit for the Ministry. Now with your Critical people, th•• will exact truth from falshood, go on▪ Ay but, said they; and Nay but, say we. This was a cold conceit, and not enough matur'd; that's another it self. At last comes the main argument; Gene∣va had turn'd her britch upon him. Why though some men have turn'd round, you did not find they all sail'd to Ci∣vita V•cchia: no more does it follow that Geneva (except she skipt over the Lake) must change from North to Page  37South, the place of her Relative Situa∣tion. Hence however he says a Good Wit might have deduced certain Theses; as first that the Author de∣sign'd to make Calvin and Geneva ri∣dicule, (that's a dainty word.) Next, that he might have Transpros'd his Name, and turn'd Geneva's to Roaring Lions. Thirdly, that the Presbyteri∣ans were spawn'd. (Gentlemen, take this for a Warning piece; if you are wise look before you, and if you are men disdain the Affront.) Item, that the River Rhesne grew sober, and that there are Bears in Bern.

Would it not burst any man now to be cramm'd (like Daniels Idol) with such Pitch and Hair as this? Why certainly thou ••ingest these Pagan Periods (as I suspected in your fourteen leaves about Bishop Bram∣hall) ever and anon in our way; out of the same design that the Turks, they say, will sacrifice a Forlorn of twenty or thirty thousand men, meer∣ly Page  38 to blunt the edge of the Christians Swords against they come to the Main Battel. I'le swear it works its effect upon me; for thou hast and shalt scape many an Observation that might easily be made, because I cant dig and delve, nor write Commentaries upon Tom Thumb for my living. To pass therefore more of what you call Mother Midnights Nuts, the next true-bred Period ends with your saying The Author runs a Muck: why then I would advise Bishop Odo, and Bishop Munster, the Bishops of Stratzbourgh & Colloigne, to girt on their swords; and poor Bishop Usher and Bishop Bramhall to get out of the way; for your Bishops are the onely people I find in danger when any body runs a Muck.

But the Crocodile (they say) weeps when a man is slain, though for his own Table; and this tender heart sobs another whole Page for the Cre∣dit of Calvin; which (as he says) is attacqu'd by Bayes: Then, he la∣ments Page  39 the Author's own weaknesses, •nd his being fit for nothing but Bed∣•am, or H•gsden. Then gives an •ccount of his Education, and writes •wo Verses more out of the Rehearsal,•ll such pitiful stuff, and so tedious, •hat I must be excus'd; for if He •as any thing that is pretty well said, •n relation to Coffee houseness, and Dis∣•ursive phansie, yet all is so ill as it •elates to Iudgment that knows when it has done well, and said e∣nough, that I must leave (both here and elsewher.) the burthen of the Song to the Reader; and Him to find that it does its own work it self.) After this the Author comes to Town, and gets one that lov'd Drol∣ling to his Master (if all Masters did so, thou wouldst never get a place.) The Author's Hypochondria, (where's your hat and your leg to Hudibras?) got up into his brain, and His head swel'd like —ee'ne what you please. In this Family he walk'd amongst the In∣nocent Hens, bowed toward their p•w, till — He left them as Innocent as he Page  40 found them; with which Liberti∣nage he was so transported, that (there being much more of the same still) I wish all Fops at old Nick.

But Lycanthropie (I must take no∣tice of that for the pain it cost me.) He says the Author has contracted the Distemper of Lycanthropy; in so much that if there were any sheep here (to wit, in the 68 Page of the Rehear∣sal Transpros'd) you should see him pull, and suck. Now I tell you Auditors, that I have look'd in Thomas his Di∣ctionary, & I find Lycanthropy indeed a sort of melancholy humour with which the parties that are affected Howl; but, that they believe themselves Wolves, is more then He knows. And I was the rather induced to mis∣doubt it, because I suppose Trans does not think himself a Plant-animal; nor for all his repeating and imitating the Rehearsal, really believe himself to be Bayes. But to something else: Do∣ctor P. yet again? Well I see I Page  41 must have t'other Tug at him, for I would willingly shew you him in a Telescope, though I can't in a Micro∣scope if I die for't, (He's too big alrea∣dy.) Dr. P. (I say) tax'd Dr. H. for having New-fangled Divinity (like yours) but, Created him Doctor of Divinity, or ours. Bayes is an Enemy to Controversial skill, or the Calvinists. Does he call them any where Controversial Fishes? Bayes persecuted Germany, taking it to be Mr. B. for which fault, if he should raise up Bishop Bramhal's Ghost, it would be angry (as it had reason) and rebuke him for it (he shews you how) in Rime. Then comes, once up∣on a Time, the Guelfs and Gibbelines; which of them were the Nonconformists in those days he can no more determine, then which of us here at home (you see He's none of Us) are now Schismatical: then he says Bayes won't forgive Mr. B. nor (for all our Jesting) be Penitentiary U∣niversal. Hey ho! Then, he blames him for Preaching upon nothing but that particular Repentance, which it seems Page  42 he had chosen particularly for his Sub∣ject. He speaks of the Name of God with Reverence literally, but im∣plicitely, wholly without it, Baye• is the first Minister that has Commission 〈◊〉 Rail against all Nations; but, take no∣tice it is void, because it never was seal∣ed by St. Thomas. Britches again: So of∣ten fumbling with them? What, ar't a Taylor? Marry pray —He b•n't worse. Gentlemen, have a care of your Pockets. Let folks fear God, Ho∣nor the King, Look to their Chimneys: There's Piety, Remarkable respect for his Majesty, and an End of the wittyest froth of five of his Leaves more. Skip soundly, and you come to a huge deal of Sport about I. O. and, the Let∣ters of the Alphabet, Fighting through Squadrons of Mutes, Semi-vowels (does any man know what they be?) and Liquids. With these Bayes, he says, keeps himself in exercise, as Cats whet their Cla•s against they incounter Rats: He had heard of Elephants whetting their Teeth, but forgetting He is Page  43 not now talking of Elephants Teeth, he says Cats whet their Claws. They do not, they do not: They onely claw the Hangings sometimes to stretch themselves, as I am assured by a Lan∣cashire witch, that was One.

Now pick what letter you will, &c. but I'le swear I am ashamed to let any body know (when this was the En∣tertainment) that I stay'd longer in the Company. Wherefore, to pass quiet∣ly (without noise) as I can by such Dull nuts as Io Poean, The Focus of Burning Glasses, (I meant to Ieer, but I see, I need onely repeat him;) The Stars smiling, and the Fountains warb∣ling; nay, and Tom Triplet too;

We come now at last to be told that I. O. (He hath serv'd this whole Campaigne for, ← betray → 'd the Enemies Design to the Rats, and tormented the poor Letters worse then the Ar∣rantest Page  44Dunce that ever made Acro∣stick, Telestick, or Anagram) that I. O. I say (though, like his Couzen Bar∣tholomew, Trans could not pass by any shop, but He must be buying) was not the Person Bayes intended, but the King. Now, it begins to work: His Majesty before his happy and miracu∣lous Restauration. How, if you had be∣gun thus? Scarce had the ruddy Aurora risen from the Bed of the aged Titan, when, &c. But please your self: On•ly, I would not willingly be tyred at the very beginning of a Speech. Well —Sent over a Declaration of his In∣dulgence to Tender Consciences; but▪ before the Toleration, which is now pass'd, came out, Bayes put out his Ecclesiastical Policy, in which, the Grand Thesis, upon which He Stakes the Fates of Princes, and Conscience of Subjects (to pass by your fiddle faddles) is This: That, it is ab∣solutely necessary to the Peace and Go∣vernment of the World, That the Su∣preme: Magistrate of every Common∣wealth Page  45 should be vested with a power to Govern, and Conduct the Consciences of Subjects in Affairs of Religion. This (say you) being the Magisterial and main Point, the rest of his Assertions may be reckoned as Corollaries, without which it can never be justified.

First, I confess I never heard before that Corollaries prove the matter that precedes, but that Justifies the Corolla∣ries: He had the notions in his head (jumbled together) about Corollaries, & Postulat's; and either could not find what the thing he meant to speak of was, or if he knew that which was the right name to call it by, because (t'should seem) it was not in His Iu∣stine. I have been wondring all this while why he said the Author's Pre∣face would serve for a Post-script to the Bishop's book. Now my Dream is out; for I see he understands that a Consequence may Play at leap frog with a Proposition, and that which is a Po∣stulat one may calla Corollary. If Page  46 this World hold, there's hopes we may baffle the Irrefragable Doctor, and the Master of Subtilities both by and by.

After some more Citations ou• of the Author Trans says: Having 〈◊〉 enabled the Prince (that is) proved his Assertion by Corollaries, dispensed with Conscience, & fitted up a Moral Religio•, (this is all impertinent now to the course of an Argument) he (the Author) shews next how much those moral vert••• are to be valued; Affirming that it is 〈◊〉 necessary Princes should set up a stricter Go•vernment over mens Consciences & Per•swasions: And that it is less hazardous 〈◊〉 give Liberty to their Vices, then to 〈◊〉 Consciences.

Why, this shews only how much the want of these Vertues is to be 〈◊〉valued, not how much they are to 〈◊〉valued. Thou alwaies provest •li•d I expected to have heard what they would have given us: and if a 〈◊〉Page  47 should have got something by being a Good Subject. Go on; But for what be∣longs to the use of their Power (I thought you had meant the utility or usefulness of it, Exercise of their power (and be whip'd) then) — If Princes will be Re∣solute, &c. Come, welfare mine Hoast of the Taberd—Thou do'st nought but spend 〈◊〉, I tell thee friend thou shalt no longer rime.

Next, he speaks of well meaning men, who Bayes says, may be punish∣ed if they do contrary to what they are bid, for all their meaning. In conclusion he cites one Corollary mor• to which the Grand Thesis it self (〈◊〉 says) is subordinate. (There are two kinds of subordination, one in order to Proof, the other, in order to Profit▪ You shall not slink 〈◊〉 from being bold to what is in order to Proof▪ though letting you do so would be in order both ways to you•Pr••••▪ The Corollary i•— If Pr•••s pl••• a 〈…〉 of the Church, the 〈◊〉 presently T••∣ters.Page  48 I say then Bayes does not lay down this in order to proving (as a Corollary) his Thesis. But all this now (as I told you) is impertinent to the Canvassing that point where he left▪ which is—The Grand Thesis. Onely I have trac'd his long maze of words, and dodging thus punctually (for I never intended to make a business of Him) to see if I could find how the King was glanced at, but perhaps we may come to it by and by. In the interim he concludes once more, this is the syntagm of Bayes his Divinity, 〈◊〉 the system of his Policy, the Principles of which confine upon the Territorys of Malmsbury.

You have been at it once before as a Rectory, then I pass'd it: now look to it self as a Frontier. Thou art the imprudent'st▪ Champion for For•i• Iurisdiction or Toleration (chuse you which) that ever I knew. Can't you let that Book alone? we should for∣get if you'd but hold your Tongue,Page  49 why 'tis the only thing that is as great a Hudibras to your Church, as Hudibras is a Leviathan to the Presbyterians.

Now comes a great deal of ram∣bling Invective against Bayes for en∣deavouring to Couch his business so, as (by intangling matter of Conscience with the Magistrates Power) no body should dare to meddle with it. Why if he does, that does not concern you, for you are far enough from so much as handling the Question, yet for ought I see.

We proceed; Bayes being fortify'd (with that Intanglement) on one side, took himself to be impregnable on the o∣ther, since His Majesty must needs take it kindly that He gave him such an acces∣sion of Territory, and That what? That Bayes shewd him He ought to sub∣mit to His Instructions, lest by vertue of Page 271. Bayes should not think him fit to Govern: For still, this the King must take kindly too, or we can't look Page  50 that Bayes should expect (by vertue of your ••ference) to be impregnable on both sides; if that which you say is in Pag. 271. be true, which I don't belie•e, and shall not make a Jour∣ney to look. I suppose the Book〈◊〉 e••ant for any body that please to sa∣tisfie themselves. And so I conclude this, with saying that in respect of any words of His which I observe by you set down in this Book (for your Qu•ta∣tion of p. 271. (contrary to your Cu∣stom) recites none.) I see no reason for your saying— The King is the per∣son (in any indecent way) intended by Bayes from the beginning.

Well then we come to what Bayes has said, and something we are sure of: That is, the before repeated Thesis, which is a Universal Proposition, and none of them meddle with any particular persons Actions. There∣fore it is only to be inqired of such an one whether it be true or no. Un∣der the Title of unlimited MagistratePage  51 He undertakes to Examine the Mat∣ter.

And first, he puts off his Cap, and salutes the Company (as Tumblers do before they begin) excusing himself by reason of his private fortune and Edu∣cation. Truly, we have not seen ei∣ther over much Learning nor Manners yet, (as to the Education;) and for your Fortune I'le look a little further be∣fore I believe 'tis (in earnest) so bad as you make it. But if thou be'st a poor Scholar, let's see if there be any hopes of thy coming to ought that's good that way. Thou art Respondent. Bayes argues thus.

One would think now He should deny the Minor, and let Bayes go on, and (if he did not know his way) Page  52lose himself: Or else find some fault (ex vi Formae) in the syllogism: not a bit of either does He: But first starting another Proposition of Bayes's, That no Rites or Ceremonies can be esteemed un∣lawful, unless they tend to Debau•• men in their Practice or Conceptions of the Deity: Upon which Trans Infert (that's not thy business still) that if the Other be true, no man is (in Ingenui∣ty) bound to do God that service (which we deny to follow too:) but let that pass.

To the Grand Argument; which we have made such a Grand do a∣bout, and which is or should be the Grand Subject and Conquest of this Grand Book• instead of Answering He turns Opp•nent; and praemising that the King has a terrible way of Kicking, and will fling you to the Stable door; that He k•ows all is, but that the Priest may ri•e him (fine Language) th•ugh to a Precipice:) Only tells you first, That he is confi•e•t if Bishop Bramhal were Page  53 alive he would rebuke Bayes for it. Se∣condly, That no Bishop, nor any of their Chaplains would have Licensed his Book without certain Non-Obstantes. Third∣ly, That the King (though they be his Right) does not love to hear of con∣ceal'd Lands. Whoever can find any more, let them take it for the Discovery.

Now would any one believe that this man had read St. Thomas? Nay, or Iack Seton, or Burgersdicius: why he does not know what Arguing is, He does not so much as Confute him with Not. He onely Imitates the School Master, that when the Child desired to know what was the En∣glish of such a word, asked him who wash'd his face. Go Bayes, go; what do you Dispute with a Durty face?

Now I begin to take him for a Quaker, for as broken & Mystical Logick is a sign of Infallibility, so having none at all, is (in earnest) a sign of a mans Page  54private Fortune and Education. Tell him of Modes, Figures and Syllogism•: he has a Toleration for that, and will tell you again, They are all but Forms invented by Aristotle, who may have been some Primate or Metropo∣litan Bishop (for ought he knows) un∣der Alexander the Great.

Nay Trans if you leave his Founda∣tion standing thus firm, you may make an Egregious •lay with the rest of your Whinny-whanneys; but where's the Plot? So ee'n go thy ways with thy

So by this, I think you may guess the Reason why I told you, that though some are presently Tran∣spros'd,Page  55 we can't perceive their •rand Thesis is (by your turning Op∣onent) Answered.

Hang serious Counsel, Ile to the Dance again if there be any more Mu∣sick. White Apron'd Ameril••! are you •o near? I must take you out by my •roth: What's your Dance? The Re∣hearsal Transpros'd. The Blockheads don't know it by that name, Madam. Play the New Figary. So— But now what make you here▪ Has C•ris•• coverted you to appear against Mo∣ral Grace? No forsooth, I came one∣ly to oblige Squire Ralph•, and be a witness for the Orthodo•eness of what d'ee cal't. Your Servant Madam. 'Tis well though you spoke Italian, for I should never have known you by your White apron: And D'ee hear? have a care you come no more in this Company: They'l make you leave your Santissima Honesta, to talk like Nanna and Pippa; (but I shall not re∣peat their discourse out of the fa∣mous Giornate.)

Page  56But let's see, who have we next? Iuvenal? No, here's none but two poor Thredbare Verses of his that have been Quotation-worn (I'le count as exact as Trans) 732. times since Montag•• Essays. What's here, a third too?

Why this is worse Rash then them all, besides so Hal'd in, and so Phleg∣matickly apply'd, that I wonder your Overseers at the the Lake of Lemane did not correct it. Your right Topers now, when a friend begins to flag at the latter end of a day, use to Rouse him up again, and cry—Brother, you are not Merry. What did you write this Strain by your self all alone?

But let's see, what's next? Oh he rails at Bayes: Rail on, how he Prea∣ches (about Debauchery Tolerated) like —Him that a Monk would be; Ordains Lucan too. Good DoctrinePage  57 no doubt, and true; but not as recom∣mended as a Consequence to Two and three make five. Ergo, as if I should tell a man (I name no body) He ought not to give ill Language, Jest with Sacred things, talk Ribaldry, and the like, because Bayes walk'd amongst Innocent Hens; and Amarillis her A∣pron was pure white: Whereas the reason in truth is, because it is Pro∣phane, Scurrilous, and Simple.

His next Head is Persecution Re∣commended. Here he compares Bayes to the Emperor Iulian, and Bishops∣gate-street to Butcher-r•w in such la∣mentable Threnothriambicks, that you would think Nineve were going to be Destroy•d immediately.

But will he eat your Children Trans? What would you give for a Publick Page  [unnumbered]〈1 page duplicate〉Page  [unnumbered]〈1 page duplicate〉Page  58 Tooth drawer now? Or your own, and Mrs. Abigails — For take his 〈…〉 and pluck them out; but let's see, what Joyn• does he begin at? — You hav• seen how he (the A•hor) inveighs against Trading Combinations: Therefore Far∣mers lay by your Plows, Lawyers Ad∣journ the Terms, Landlords set Bills on your Shop doors: These are all Trading Combinations, or Trans sees no rea∣son why the Part•es concern'd should not Mistake as well as He, and think them so. But that that most Muses me, is this▪ When a man sees a Bill on a Shop dorr, he commonly says This shop is to be Le•s: Now how will it be• a means to destroy Trading, to •ell people where they may have Shops?

But it is no I•sting matter he as∣sures us▪ for Bayes has taken a List of all the Fanatick Ministers and their peo∣ple: Why so Trans, by your leave for all that • are all the Fanatick Mini∣sters Tradesmen? O•, most every bo∣dy Page  59 that goes to Law or to Plow here∣after be judg'd a Fanatick? Or is it still a Iesting matter? or no matter at all: Since for ought I perceive nei∣ther you, nor I can very well tell what matter this can any way be to the t'other.

But Bayes would expose well mea∣ning Zealot's to the Galleys: That's a horrid thing indeed, to condemn them all for Sforzato's for onely — Poisoning Cardinal Bembo's Cook. For Trans his part He, seems con∣demn'd to be transported already: He's roving to Turkey, Malta and Port• Longone to look for Galleys. I sup∣pose (if the Brethren must row) He would find the Quakers a Vessel which may be call'd the Ioseph and Mary: but (for his own part) the Santa Teresa, or St. Iohn of Ierusa∣lem will serve Him; And if Bayes and his partners will make the Galley▪, the King hath already up a Squadron. —It will be singular Obligation to the Ge∣neralPage  60 of them, and (no less) to his Linsey-woolsey Ciurma, provided He may be call'd Saint Iohn Ana-Baptist Du Tel. For that will be as good as a What cheer? and gratifie all par∣ties; both Father Trans's and Iohn of Leyden's together.

But I don't like your way of Iesting (if it be so) that follows: Where re∣membring some sort of people (for it is no less) how daring things some of their Perswasion have formerly re∣solv'd, you after intimate How easie a thing it were to Deifie the Divine after the ancient manner, and no man (you say) be the wiser: Which hint to them you pursue with aggravating Bayes his unkindness for them. That He frequently sneer's at them in an Ironical manner: That his Entre-messes must be of their Giblets and their Heads his Handkerchief, and then conclude (as to another purpose) We know your Incli∣nation, and we know your Lodging. I pass by the rest of the the Declama∣tion; Page  61 for as to Rigor and Cruelty, I have told you Mine, and I presume Mr. Bayes's Abborrency of it already. Now for you so much to distrust the good effects your own Book may produce: Or, however set your Dogs at people (you know some are Heady e∣nough) and get a man assassinated without your own appearing in it, if you can; is such a thing that I am confident your own Party (whoever they be) scorn to owe more then their Liberty to such an Expedient: And I have heard the Person we both pre∣tend to serve, hath refused his Crown it self when it was often offered Him, if he would have permitted such an Action. For my part, I can very hardly forbear running you up here with Terms you'd be as loth to hear, as unable to Disown that you De∣serv'd them. But to something else.

The next passage in you, is that you tell us this is an Age wherein men Page  62 cannot well support their Quality without some Accession from the Publick. Oh! are you Begging? I thought I should smoke you: Is it come to this in truth?

Because you are so good at Tran∣slating Verbatim, to shew we can match you at that too, take it thus,

And then he crys out like King Harry in Shakespear, My Conscience! My Conscience! He has not the Con∣science to see himself want: and 'tis pity he should (while there is any Monoye de Cordelier) He is so Reli∣gious.

Page  63There needs little more be said to the rest, the reason why is given al∣ready: Onely whereas upon the Au∣thors saying, If a pin be pull'd out of the Church, &c. and mentioning Pushpin Divinity, you say you will have a care you don't swallow the pin. The pin (it seems) is in the Church: So we'l ease you of that care, by keeping you from Swallowing Her.

I think I have answered all your Quidlibet's; if not, Remember the Thesis, Trans. Now does it come in my head that this would make a Bur∣then for a Song. Your performance deserves richly to be Recorded: 'Tis a Dull thing to be alwaies Transcribing other peoples Verses as you do: Troth lets ee'n try once what We can do our selves. Ho! The Wine press. Give me a Glass of Champaigne.

Now hands all.

Is not that very well now? I Ca• I'le be Bayes my self now I think on't, and have it sung next time Love in a Nunnery is Acted.

And now I make account I have done my business, and completely answered your Book: There are not above 200 pages or so left. But af∣ter the Memorable Battel of Thesis,Page  65 there's no body needs take any more notice of any thing you say as pre∣tending to Argue: 'Tis but crying

And therefore henceforth (as it fell out after the Chivy-Chase En∣gagement)

So now we'l go on, only to make an end of Christmas (as they say:) and first, I find you can't forget a Grudging till the cold weather be over, and to shew us a man need not be idle when he kept his Chamber, you give us a Punctual account at large of the Rise and Cure of the F. Pox. We don't doubt but you have Conversed with a Chirurgeon. But Mr. Bayes will see you recover well before he venture to follow your Directions.

Page  66But (say you) To resume the former History concerning the Author's Books, He has not been considered, nor got no Pre∣ferment (by writing) for his pains, Oh! you would discourage us that way from Patronizing this▪ Cause any further if you could, would you? Why Trans I'le tell thee, for my part, whether ever I get any thing or no, I will scorn to beg in Print, and take an occasion when there is none to say, Good people, A Gentle∣man of your side can't well support his Quality without some Accession from the Publick. Then as for the success his Books have: I don't know what suc∣cess an Argument can have if that be none, that they shew themselves forc'd as cunningly as they can to slip by, who pretend to Answer it. And so I think you do I. O. no great Courtesie neither, in repeating no∣thing of him but his asking what was become of the old Plea of Ius Divinum? For it is as much as to say, that He Page  67 did not go about (which in this re∣spect was his Place) To answer neither. I never saw the Gentleman•s Book, and so don't determine there is nothing in it more to the purpose he may write for then this Question.

But Trans, I will say something for thee still, though thou hast not done what thou shouldest, that is, Answer∣ed; thou hast done what thou could∣est. Thou hast chatter'd hideously, and spread thy Tail at the Hawk like thine own Magpie. Thou hast mud∣ded (as thou callest it) the matter with Ink like any Sepia; and (like thy Taylors Wife) thou hast held up thy Thumbs at him in the very Ducking-stool. Thou wantedst nothing but a Good cause, for thou hast sufficiently shewed a voluble tongue; and mayest pretend still if thou wilt for me, That her were as good a Shentleman as the best of them if her horse would but go.

After this he falls to quoting seve∣ral Page  68 passages in the Authors books, to shew the Authors Principles thwa•• one another. He begins about Ma∣gistrates power. To this I need onely keep where I was, and tell you, that if the grand Th•sis stand firm what•∣ver Consequences are legitimately dedu∣ced from that, are good and true, whatever become of the rest: and that your going about thus to confound us with a deal of stuff that does not be∣long to the way you should handle the Question, is but like Gipseys toling us on with a ramble of words, till we have forgot our selves at last, and then they pick our pockets. However to please you, to your first whole side of Citation, which ends in — Therefore 'tis necessary for the security of Govern∣ment, to set bounds to its Iurisdiction. I answer, it is bounded by being subor∣dinate to the will of God; and so I believe the Author answers too, though you found it not so conveni∣ent (I suppose) to continue on your quotation till he came to shewing in Page  69 what manner he explains himself. Now though that does indeed oblige the Magistrate to as tender a conscience (as you say) as any of his Subjects; yet it does not take away the Magi∣strates power he pleads for, and so you may go Hoop (as you do) and Hol∣la with your rest.

Now comes Transprosal to be a∣greeved that the Author had said, A Prince that sottishly neglects his Se∣curity deserved to Perish like Sarda∣napalus. Whereupon he says, He knows not why a Prince should not be willing to enjoy the Innocent Com∣forts of this life, as well as do the Common Drudgeries: Truly, nor I neither, nor any Honest man else: But how comes this in upon the Au∣thor's naming Sardanapalus? Was Sardanapalus his Sloth and Effemina∣cy Innocent Comfort? Or would you have every Prince enjoy such as were Sarnadapalus's?

Page  70Thou doest meanly aim now at making some poor and wretched Complement. Fie for shame, shew thus in Print what you would condescend to do (if any body would imploy you) rather then a Gentleman should 〈◊〉 from the Publick wherewithall to support his Quality!

But now he must see how matter• stand ← betwixt → the Author and His An∣swerer, (any thing in the World Trans, but undertaking to Answer your self may be safe.) Go to then. His An∣swerer had objected, that Bayes had represented all Tradesmen as Seditio•s. The Author reply's, He onely supposed some Tradesmen tainted with Sediti••• Principles: Trans will shew He con∣tradicts himself, and having quo∣ted those words crys, Holla Bayes in the 49 page, &c. you say, no sort of people are so inclinable to seditious practices as the Trading part of a Nation: Upon which he wisely asks, Is this the same Page  71 thing now? No▪ sure; but Bayes ne∣ver told you he never talked but one thing all his life.

But do these two deserve to be brought to confront one another as contraries; or does either confess the Accusation? What should one talk further to a Corollary-maker for? So in his further Quotations about Ma∣gistrates power, Inward Conscience, (that's a pure word too; I wonder who inventd throwing away Butter upon basting of fat meat.) Can you tell me where a man may buy a piece of Red Scarlet to make a Coat for his outward back? And the Wednesday Act he seems sometimes to leave out, otherwhile to subjoyn words of the Authors, that are not, nor never were intended, as I guess to be Rela∣tives to the matter he cites before; or else he will not, or does not under∣stand how that which he represents for contrary is consistent, as it really is. Here follows but two leaves and a Page  72 half of most dissolute and groundless Invective, that Railing is the most ma∣terial part of Bayes his Religion, his •e•∣son, his Oratory, his Practice, and the ul∣timate end of all his books▪ For thy part, if this be the way of Triump•ing I believe it will be a most scan•al•• thing ere long to get a victory.

There is nothing in my way that hinders me, and so I may now go on to the Pre∣face to Bishop Bramhall. I believe the Reader has forgot any such thing was ever mentioned. You should have plac'd your Title-page here. Well, the King puts out his Declaration of Indulgence, March the 15th. —71. Upon which Bayes fell into many war• and glowing Meditations, which occasi∣oned his writing this Preface. First, here Trans brings his Dilemm• again. You should have mended it though, or got a new one; for take my word this has a hurt — in the Fiddle. Next, he calls Bayes Incendiary, Idle Fellow: (You are a Sh•d, and a Whit, and a Page  73 very Tim.) Give him no more Ale; he shall not have a drop more. But, what Bayes sayes of His Majesty and the Council (being toward the later end of his Discourse) I am forced to defer that a little, (he defers that which he is not come to) lest there being no method in it, I should be in a perpetual maze, and never know when I am at my Iourney's end. Marry that's a provident care indeed for a Mad-man; for thou shewest plainly enough, I think, that thou art in a maze already. He con∣tinues; And here I cannot altogether escape the mentioning of I. O. again: Is this Going on to the Preface? Do'st thou take I. O. to be the Preface to Bishop Bramhall? Prethee tell me in plain words, and other folks too that never read word of any of your writings, when you come to't with your Going on, and say, Hic incipit the Rehearsal Transpros'd, or Animadversi∣ons upon a late book entituled a Preface, &c. Now must I run, I see, to I. O. and a Garden of Flowers, and never Page  74 know but that I also am in a 〈◊〉 there, and that I. O. may be a Thief, or a Gardner, or — knows who but — Why this is Lardella's Funeral On then Rabbi Harpocrates. He (the Author) singles I. O. out, and 〈◊〉 pretence runs down all the Non conf•••∣ists: This being (as he imagined) the sa∣fest way to undermine and blow up 〈◊〉 Majesty's Declaration. If he had run down His Majesty's Declaration, he had undermined and blown up all the No• conformists: but to run down the No• conformists, I suppose is not to under∣mine or blow up, but to take away the subject of His Majesty's Declara∣tion.

The next thing in the Garden o•Preface (if they be all one) is, th••Bayes, you say, undertakes to prove, that Railing is both lawful a•d expedient, Now this you say (but that you make a conscience of doing it) you could prove a sin by Scripture if you would▪ No doubt it requires a great Doctor to do it. Page  75 But why should you make a consci∣ence (if any holds it lawful to rail) to convince him by Scripture that it is not? Nor is it worth ones while to teach him out of other Authors. What con∣fute him neither way? Why then it seems if he does hold it lawful to rail, he may hold it still if he will for Trans. What art thou doing? or what would'st thou do? You say you could quote a place out of my Lord Ve∣rulam to his confusion; why don't you? It is not that where he di∣stinguishes ← betwixt → Idola Tribus and Idola Specus, is it? If it be, you are much in the right for forbearing; for that would explain to us how, though all your Tribe have a large fa∣culty at mistakes and railing; yet you may have an extraordinary gift that way beyond them all, and a particular cran•y by your self. Now this comes of your crying I know what I know. Therefore pray next time either tell us down right what you would be at, or else — I •ad suppose the whole Play.

Page  76But I must shorten a little, and not take notice of every thing, out of tender consideration (by what I now suffer) of the patience and pains of my gentle Reader: Otherwise it would be a shorter Penance to injoyn the read∣ing of the whole Book of Martyrs; then this, of such a one Martyr, as it were an easie thing in every line al∣most to make of you.

But now you will take a walk in the Garden, and gather some of Bayes's flowers: I would not advise you to smell on them though, for they are all Roses, and grow upon that that may chance prick your nostrils, mark else. The first you observe, is that Bayes says, Several of the Non-confor∣mists themselves, if a Chimney but take fire in the City, are immediately crying Iesuits and Firehals: To which you Reply, I understand you, Sir. Why, does Bayes suspect you to be a Iesuit? I'le assure you I onely suspect there is one Page  77 that may be of that Religion, that is a Coxcomb. I don't desire to reflect upon any Societies of men. It is not just nor civil, and besides forein to my Matter, and therefore I would not be so understood; but, else the World may distinguish if they please be∣twixt some of that Order, that de∣serve esteem upon the true account of their Wit; and others (if you be one) that have nothing to shew but a troublesome Industry, and their being indeed—Indefatigable Brambles. So walk on: And next you seem very tender that the people should cry out Iesuits and Popish plots upon accidents: and I say too, God forbid that any man (be he of what Religion soever) should be accused wrongfully: But as for any course I see you take to make folks wiser, you had ← better → (in my opinion) have passed this Flower by, but perhaps you could not. But whereas you say next (speaking to the Author) Take heed the Reasons which sparkle in your your Discourse have Page  78 not set their Chimneys on fire. I must observe, this is something that is darkly said, and seems to intimate more then my Skill dares attempt the explaining.

After this you say, Socinian Books sell as openly as the Bible. Since you an so well versed amongst the Booksellers, Pray what's the price of an Answer that contains only a Question? What ne'r a word? What time of day is it? Nor that neither. Why, you have not forsworn ever making an Answer to any thing again have you? Thou art just like the fellow, that when he had told the Senate he saw Iulia ascend to Heaven, Et pro tam bono Nuntio nemo illi credidisset, swore he would never tell any body again for his part, if he saw a man kill'd in the open Market place. However that honest Gentlemen may not be at a loss; they may please to know, that I never looked after the Rehear∣sal Transpros'd, till I heard it was Page  79 come to 18 d. again. I find it very dear; but if they please to stay a while, I suppose they may have it •'r long for 2 d. or 3 d. or a Groat at most.

The next Flower we come to, is the Termination Ism; Whereupon you take occasion as cunningly as you can under pretence of Riming to it, first to shew the Church of England is guilty of Schism; and secondly that those who separate from Her are not. You need not have troubled your self about the former, if your Design be onely Toleration and the latter: For the reasons you bring for this stand upon their own Bases, and bor∣row not their Strength from Her Ex∣ample of having first separated from Rome. But, Trans, I smell thee as rank as a Fox; otherwise I could have spared taking notice of the Church of Rome. The Pope is a Worthy Prince, and lives in Italy, and long may He live and injoy his health at Castle Gundolpho, before ever I'le Page  80 begin to disturb him first: But if Cardinal Chigi covets Bansted Mutton, and Colchester Oysters, and can't be contented with Muscadine and Eggs, but must have Mornings Draughts out of our Herefordshire Red-streak and Kentish Pipins; in this case I must (like Frier Iohn) take up Arms for my Vineyard, and if I catch him there (as sure as his Cap's made of wool) I'le knock him down with a Hop-pole. Therefore pray hence forward let a∣lone my Mistress, for if you come to fooling with Her, I must ← hedge → my ← Bet → , and be revenged (if I can) upon your Wife.

But to your Arguments, and first to the latter: Your Author Mr. Hales divides his Discourse of Schism (you say) into two main Branches; The Cause of it, and the Occasion of it. The Occasion he again subdivides, but upon the whole upon this Head he asks, Who shall be Iudge? Now say we) Let that question be asked Page  81 not onely of who gives the occasion of Schism, but of who gives the Cause also; or (if you please) of whether it be a Cause or no. You will per∣haps find no body but the Magistrate is proper Judge of either. Now (to do you a Courtesie Trans) if you think this very same answer be not a suffi∣cient reason to warrant our Separati∣on from Rome also, (Reserving still like you, that I know what I know) at this time for shortness sake I will trouble you with no other. And if you had thought good, I might have had your mind in as short a compass as I have told you mine. And so you have indeed (in less then seven leaves) proved (as you say) that Schism rimes to Ism, and just no∣thing else.

Now, for having undergone this grateful Penance (He means done the meritorious Act) of transcribing these Citations, He exults and Cackles like any Hen, that were just come off Page  82 her Nest after laying; in so affect∣ed a Style and nonsensical Phrase, (as Masculine Truth, and Falshood deform∣ed by Ornaments) that his Commenda∣tions of Mr. Hales prove more simple, then his Rayling at Bayes; and the whole Speech worse (if worse can be) then that about Additional Civi∣lity: and when he has done (for fear no body should think he could be such a fool) expresly tells us, He was Serious.

Here follows a fond Expression, which it is easie to apprehend the Prefacer used as repeating words of the Persons whom he answered: Yet Trans could not make less then a whole side of it; but I shall. Next, Welcom poor Macedo: What the Ioke of that is I don't know.

Next he undertakes the Patronage of I. O. whose Quarrel (but a few leaves since) he said He Interested himself no more in then, if He werePage  83 John a Nokes, and rayled at by John a Stiles. The meaning was (it seems) He cares not for him as of any Religi∣on; but for him or any body else that will but oppose the Church of England. Now will I nick thee here, Trans, worse then any where in all my Book: For thy business is one∣ly to Foment our unhappy Differen∣ces; and I won't speak one word neither against I. O. nor to that Controversie.

How simply do you next sneer at such things for Flowers as are prin∣ted in Books in distinct Characters? Is not your own Book full of them? A man is put to a hard shift for a conceit, if for having it He must Jeer himself: Then you pursue, (for you alwaies run on upon any scent) and bring in, telling us the advantages Booksellers may set out Books with∣all, as fine paper, large fair Letter, Calves Leather Covers, &c. Though this (as it happens) is the onely useful thing Page  84 your Book teaches; being very ne∣cessary Information for us young Authors, and so truly I thank you Lovingly, and I'le take a Copy of this. But the word he now finds thus marked in the Preface is Cate∣goricalness. Ism (it seems) is lost, but there's another Rattle for the Child like Sheerness, Dongioness, In∣nerness, and Cathness: So he falls a Playing with Ness. Now for all your witty Conceit, this does but come from the Nesses, Tudes and Ty's of Malmsbury (Odi Imitatores) which have this difference: That they were first His own, secondly New, thirdly Brief. But your's are —ano∣ther Nation of Tartarians, as you may see in my Cutter of Colemanstreet Tran∣spros'd Pag. the 84th. just at this place.

But in pursuance: Bayes having translated Peace, Gal. 5, &c. into Peaceableness, &c. He asks which of the Systematical, German, Geneva, Or∣thodox Page  85 Divines (Do you understand him beloved, you that are his Bre∣thren? You see he distinguishes you all from the Orthodox) nay of the So∣ber (here I'm sure he held his Hand∣kerchief before his face to hide his laughing) Intelligent, Episcopal Di∣vines could not (how simple soever you are all) have taught him ← better → then such Forgery or Ignorance as this? The reason is plain, for we shall but be laid by the heels if we don't keep the Peace; but to require Peaceableness of us, is to exact our be∣ing really good and worthy men; and that's worse then a Penal Law.

Here he takes an occasion from the Day of Iudgment's having been mentioned ← betwixt → I. O. and the Prefacer, (in which was no occasion to do thus) to talk himself very lightly of it: Ironically cites Proofs of it out of what he calls the Fanatical Book of Martyrs, and the Scotch Hi∣story. This Discourse takes up two Page  86 leaves in him; but I shall prosecute it no further.

Then he comes to Point of Ho∣nour, and treats nicely (taking no no∣tice whom he imitates) of the Lu: More Quotations out of the Re∣hearsal;

Truly you are mistaken, thy are one∣ly gone to dinner.

Next we come to Symbolicalness; which you tax the Author for ha∣ving describ'd in several extravagant fashions: I know not with what Fidelitie you have either collected, or do present them to us. I confess I am no Approver of swelling nor harsh expressions: But whereas you say this Symbolicalness is a flower, nay a flower of the Sun, made at the Cock or Nags-head; I say 'tis pity neither of Page  87 those houses had the Sun for their Sign, that you might have been i'th' right▪ But having not, I can see lit∣tle but that if it be a flower of the Sun, it is the strangest of the kind that ever the Sun saw, for it grows upon a mere imaginary or no ground at all.

But Mr. Bayes, or Mr. Thunder, or Mr. Cartwright; why Mr. Trans, or Mr. Toleration, or Mr. Guy Faux, he is not ashamed to be call'd Player by him that calls Preaching Playing his part: and if you call him as many Names as Philippus, Aureolus, Theo∣phrastus, Paracelsus, Bombast of Hohen∣heim, he will be still ready to make an answer to Satan, Lucifer, Belzebub, Leviathan, Abaddon.

Well, we have now seen the last flower, and so here's an end of the Gar∣den I think; wee'l suppose it at least, De bene esse. The next thing thou tellest us is, that thou hast la∣boured and moil'd like any poor Phi∣listinPage  88 in binding up this Sampson with his own words, as fast (you say) as such a Proteus could be pinion'd. It seems then you begin to perceive he's loose again already. He is so; but the reason (you Goose) is, not because he is Proteus, but because your Cords were slight ones, and the Knots slipt. You should have cut off his Beard, and have made a Simarr of it, and then you had had him sure. Well, but Trans fain would do something though; and let Bayes make more or less of it if he can. Why you have been defying him all this while, have you not? Are you resolv'd now you can fend no longer, nor prove no lon∣ger, nor bind no longer, to threaten him still as you are running away, and part like Borgio:

Page  89'Tis true no man can hinder you from knowing what you know, and talking to your self however. Well, Your business, Abel? Princes have al∣ways found the Government over Consci∣ence unsafe and unpracticable. Oh, are you come? Their Right to such a Go∣vernment stands firm then after all. Then Trans, as for the unsafeness of it, if uncontroulable libertie prove safe, All's well. But as for its unpracti∣cableness, I beg your pardon for that. Would His Majesty would please to command me any harder matter; if I did not do it, I'de nere answer Trans∣prosal more.

This next leaf belongs to Ursula, Mol Gifford, and the Father of Lies; let them ee'n agree together about sharing it amongst them.

The Miscellany ends in your saving, Bayes's design was so much too hard for a man, that it would have giddied any Page  90 Goose. I never heard so much said for the C••dit of Geese, before: Are Geese brains so much ← better → settled then, then ours?

Let me ask you one question more if you please, for this seems to hint something above common observati∣on. Do you every time you find a knotty place, that is more difficult then ordinary in Bayes's Preface, repair to some Goose or other to help you an∣swer it? It was proper, and natural I confess, to associate with Geese when you were at the Lake of Lemane, and I suspected nothing then because of the place. And it did not me∣thought look so much like advising or consulting, but onely like padling in a Dish of Tea, or over a Cup of Cof∣fee together: But is it not rather to prepare an excuse for your self against you have occasion, that you make this Comparison? by which you may make a Grand Thesis for your self too, to wit, That a Goose is the ablest man.Page  91 From whence you may deduce Co∣rollaries at pleasure, and (if any bodie excepts against what you say) prove 'tis irrefragable, and all perfect Trans∣prosal; because no Goose could have done it ← better → . Nay then I'le help you a little, but it must be by a Quibble: You know I have one with you; you owe me Colossian Church: So now take one of mine, and then haply we may continue to trade on by Bill of Exchange hereaf∣ter. Why the business is, I think, You say nothing to the Prefacer worth a rush; besides, your book has a puz∣ling Title: therefore now you have proved a Goose is the wisest and most solid thing, I would have you talk no more of a Rehearsal Transpros'd, or go to oppose Animadversions to a late Book, &c. but an Answer,

Page  92If this (strictly speaking) be no Quibble, but a Pun now; excuse me, for you understand these things ← bet → ∣ter then I: but I am sure its no Corol∣lary.

Now we will pass to the Point you pretend to be most Zealous for, you 〈◊〉 pag. 209. That some of the Nonconformists under the name of sym∣bolical Ceremonies, dispute the Lawful∣ness of those which are by our Church in∣joyned; whereby (now mark) say you) They can only intend that these Ceremo∣nies are so applyed, as if they were of a Sacramental Nature and Institution; and that therefore they are unlawful. You add further, that the Author's Answerer (handling this Place) makes use of a Pertinent passage in St. Austin; Signa, cum ad res divinas pertinent, Sa∣cramenta vocantur. I don't intend to meddle with any body but your self, for I will not make more holes then I mend: (Possibly the other Noncon∣formistsPage  93 and we may come to agree kindly together for all this.) But Trans my Foe is thy self; whom you see I shrewdly suspect to care for neither of us. So then, that which I am going to reply to is, your commending that passage in St. Austin as Perti∣nent to the precedent Matter. Take notice you have first said, The Non∣conformists can onely intend our Cere∣monies are so applyed as if they were of a Sacramental nature: What you mean by Applyed, you explain where you say, This is it they complain of, that they are imposed upon them with so high a Penalty, &c. and by your Conclusi∣on; But here I say is their main Ex∣ception, that things Indifferent, &c. should be made (by reason of equal Pe∣nalty with neglect of Sacraments) necessary conditions of Church Communi∣on. So that all the Nonconformists (in your understanding) go about to prove, is onely the unreasonableness or unlawfulness of the Penalty. And you your self acknowledge that our Page  94 Ceremonies are Indifferent things. Now if after all you commend this Text as in order to its proving our Ceremonies to be Sacraments: You give your self the, what ist? Oh, —The word no flesh can bear. But if you commend it as pertinent to prove the Penalty unlawful, you talk non∣sense, for it does not at all concern Matter of Penalty; and so it is nei∣ther way a Pertinent, but an Imper∣tinent passage; and you might as well have commended the Pertinency of the Cover of St. Austins Book. But your aim (I see every where) is but to keep up the Iangle amongst us as long as you can, and (it seems) we are not a little distracted already: For there are two Books (whilst I am now writing) come out against you; and the second finds fault with the first: And if there be e're an addle Headed fellow to follow this, ten to one but he picks one hole or another in us all Three; but men of sense sure will have more Wit, Page  95 and if they do write, mind their Bu∣siness. I am come now where the Quotation I meet is certainly one of the Sor•es Virgilianae you speak of, for your own self:

for thou seest I leave all (and will) upon thy own back. But I must take notice now of your Apologi∣zing here (as several times you have done before) for your so often speaking Latine. You being now (forsooth) ee'n hardned in it. I must tell you I have sometimes heard men ta•k Latine Pedantically, but you ex∣cuse yours so affectedly, that I must say you are the first that ever I saw Pedantically decline speaking it. If your Latine Citations are pertinent, they need not be excused; if they are not, they can't be. So pray trouble us no more like my Lady would be, with —My breeding hath not been so course— Page  [unnumbered]〈1 page duplicate〉Page  [unnumbered]〈1 page duplicate〉Page  96 To offend with Pertinacy, (we do believe it) — You may believe it, &c. for La∣tine or no Latine you'r like to get but little here; besides, The Plot stands still, and the Grand Thesis is all this while you are Courtesying, taking its pleasure near Lambeth in a Gun∣dalo.

This ramble of yours ends in the Author's knowing it is not always safe nor Honourable to be of a Father's Opini∣on. You don't mean to bring your Proofs out of St. Thomas, or St Austin do you?

I shall not speak a word (ex pro∣fesso) about their Controversie, who affect in their Worship a simplicity free from all External Circumstances, but such as are Natural or Customary; which I am now come to,

Page  97If you can find any thing former∣ly said that touches them, either by Implication or Consequence, much good do you: And so you may take me for one of them my self if you please, I am sure you are not that say, they foul St. Austin with their Thumbs, &c. And so I skip both good, bad, and indifferent from this place to your Citation out of Bishop Bramhal; whose Ashes (by your leave) shall not be Consecrated in the Form you do it: As if That which he saw in matter of Doctrine, he would not see in matter of Discipline: No cer∣tainly, nor He could not, except his Name had been Cinna;

At last, you wish the Author may not prove An accursed Bay Tree: And He wishes that you may not turn to a Huge Elephant, but— I hope there's no danger.

Page  98You are deadly sly in your next Paragraph 〈◊〉 Our Church (you say) does piously declare, that Kneeling at the Lords Supper is not for Adoration of those Ele∣ments; and so of the other Ceremonies, &c. But the Romanists (this is your Roman Emp•re too, Trans, that comes in as often as you well cau) fr•m whence we have them (who have Wine from the Canary's, and Plums from Z••t) and who said of old, we would come to feed of their meat, as well as eat of their P•r∣ridge, (Oh! This is the Alteration be∣like, that you like a Minor Prophet un∣der them, said, You think God has sig∣nify'd by what means he will effect) do offer us here many a fair distinction and Declaration in very weighty matters: To which nevertheless the Conscience of our Church hath not complyed. And thus on. Now I think it is plain enough whose cause you are Plead∣ing, but I will not bind you in such cords as you bound the Prefacer: for I see well enough what hole you will Page  99 slip out at, if I should charge you here too home. You will but cry like Falstaff, (when the Prince asked him if he had said he was a Sneak-Cup). Did I Bardol? You can't deny, but you will own nothing. Wherefore pas∣sing the rest of your Good mor∣row's (which are as many as you could tell how to sum up) I come to the end, where you innocently con∣clude; Which things I do thus sparing∣ly set down, onely to shew the Danger of Inventive Piety.

Why truly, Trans, and I will be very civil to you, and (since you say that's your sole reason) I will not deny it. But then I expect you should be so civil to me as to ac∣knowledge that I (neither) do not present, and hint these things as ab∣solutely concluding that you are nei∣ther Roman Catholick, or Iesuite, or Design Popery; but onely to shew the danger there may possibly be, of being wheedled and over-reached, Page  100 and cheated under many a mans pre∣tending to be Consciencious, onely against Cruelty, and for a Brotherly and Christian Tenderness to one ano∣ther.

To your long business about the Clause to the Wednesday Act, and its binding the Conscience or no, I an∣swer, it does not bind as Gods imme∣diate commands do, but it does as He commands us to obey the Magistrate, who hath power to injoyn it.

But I find my self run into a World of Seriousness; who (as I am a Virgin) never intended at first to meddle with any thing of you but that which thou would'st have us take to be Wit: But when I find you come to forget: Play with me, but hurt me not: Iest with me, but shame me not. You see what a troublesome Al∣teration you have brought upon the Company: You might have writ Plays, Governed the Coffeehouse, drunk Page  101 your Glass of Wine; nay, more too, and I had ne'r contradicted you: But if you must needs talk of Consci∣ence, cry Conformists have Bull's-heads, and Nonconformists Durty Thumbs, and tire a body's heart out with a Bram∣ble, and the Lake of Lemane: Why 'tis as bad as giving us the Que ditez vous? And I must cry then, Bro∣ther George hold my Band; and At you, if you were as big as Paul's Steeple.

Now I begin to grow sick again, for I am looking to see what's next in thy book. Well, I will not put my self out of humour any more, if troppo imperfetta natura can possibly bear it. Mr. Bayes his Hiccough: Well said; hast thou any skill in that? I cannot tell certainly, though I have a shrewd guess what is the cause of it: He'l poison him by Heaven. You are just as good a Doctor as the Far∣rier turn'd Physician. Why, is the Circulation of the Hypochondria into the Brain, the usus partium of Mr. Page  102Hales's cleer head, and prepared breast, and the Receptacle of Grace or Consci∣ence in the Anatomical Dissection, come to this? Must he be put in a pit-hole, & have his Ashes consecrated, & all for the Hiccough? Where's the Nostrum you kept so close in my L. Bacon? ne'r a miracle ex vita Sancti Patricii, or Pallas to turn him into a Banques, (smelling to Bread cures sneezing) to help the Hiccough? See, see, good now: May be Spirit of Symbolicalness, or Assa foetida, may bring him again. No remedy? Well, I'le besworn you kill'd him: He could never have died of this, but that you broke his heart with answering his Thesis. But since he is gone, Farewell, poor Mac•d•. Let's see what he has left behind him — This is the Tap-lash of what he said page 110. How? Sure you mi∣stake: Every body gives Burn'd wine at Funerals. — When the Civil Magi∣strate takes upon him to determine any particular Forms, &c. What dost thou tell me (like Mosca) — Turkey Page  103 Carpets nine, is pag. 108. pag. 441. pag. 461. and pag. 462. a true Inventory? Why, here's nothing bequeath'd but the dominion over the significations of ••ds, and the King is sole Executor.•ome, Trans, the truth of it is, He does but make fools of us both all this while; and I pity thee most, be∣cause thou dost not understand it. Does not the King go in Masquerade sometimes? and is not he then a Turk, or a Spaniard, or Bishop Bramball, or what he please? Well, now is it not a great deal more to change a man, then to change a word? Very well then: why now this is the main thing, &c. and that which Bayes (on his part too) principally insists upon, that be∣cause Masquerade is in fashion in Win∣ter, therefore our Ceremonies are not Symbolical; and therefore never beat your brains about it: Let Henry the Fourth and Augustus Caesar alone; for this is a plain Dilemma, (and say that I told you) that nere a Popish Inde∣pendent nor Systematical Iesuit of them Page  104 both can answer. You may think upon it; but so much at present for the Universal language.

But when he was drawn thus low, did he not think you stand in need of Tilting? A while since your Style was, This is the taplash of, &c. and that the Blew Iohn of Asher; (for the Kings un∣hoopable-ness, perhaps the Subject might fairly lead a man to the conceit (without his having ever been a But∣ler, or something near it) if not the expression.) Now you are at drawn low and tilting: and in all these places it is the very matter of your Phansie and Invention. The like vulgar way of conceit I observe about Britches, and Sine cure, and several other places. Well, upon all this whatever you are now, I'm sure you give one cause to suspect, you have had formerly but really some private Fortune and Educa∣tion. But still, what manner of wit is there in this? Bayes had said the King may define the significations of Page  105 words: You say, When he was drawn thus low, &c. How low? You and any body may see his Argument is so good, that you dare not so much as cast an eye toward opposing it in car∣n•st You pour indeed a floud of words upon it; but they have no more life in them all then so much Tap-lash, or (as I should say) then Dead Beer. But He had ← better → have laid by these Argu∣mentations, and imitated the Deacon, &c. Why, you had ← better → have let the Argumentation alone, except you could have refuted it ← better → , and not be altogether Contemptor famae, and thrust your self in at every place that is not teneable. Just like that infor∣tunate Son as Labienus;

But the Deacon (you say) had been much more to the purpose then that beaten Text, Let all things be done decently and in order. Was this the Text he de∣serv'd Page  106Tilting for bringing? Bring you but as good a one, and let them call it Tilting, or Broaching, you will not fear but it will give those their belly-full that go about to swallow it. Therefore pray call it no more beaten Text, for it is a beating Text, and that every body can see plain enough so long as they are sober.

He comes next to — Ratio ultima Cleri; and makes a very pathetical Speech against Whipping: and if there had been any Isms or Nesses belonging to it, he had done it (I suppose) in Rime, and as well as Tom Triplet him∣self. Prethee who defends this Mi∣litary part of Religion? Quis unquam Herculem vituper avit? Who is Busbys Scholar that rails against his Master now? But there are men of a fiery na∣ture, which I know not very well, or per∣haps I do know, (and perhaps you don't know; for we will have it if the last word stands) that are sometimes pre∣ferr'd, and come to the Title of Your Page  107 Grace: Why, what an Hebrew Iew art thou to rail all this while against the King's giving us the Significations of words, and comest now thy self to tell us, that that signify's in Latine Vestra Clementia? Therefore leave your prating about a Discerning Prince, for He know's what's Latine for Your Grace without your telling him. But the softness of the Univer∣sity, the gentleness of Christianity, the Fountain's warbling at Rosamond's Well, and The Winds whispering (since he was born) at Shot-over, and The Universal Bridal of Nature (in which he was Nurtured;) should have softned him. Ponite ante oculos: I do not ask onely (Harry) where thou spendest thy time, but also in what Company? For though the Camomil, &c. well:

for my part, He hath absolutely melted my heart, and I could ee'n Page  108 weep at so Uncomfortable an Importance, like Sir Roger, for hard Abigail, or Mr. Tall boy for Mrs. Bridget.

And you Mr. Bayes, had you lived in the dayes of Augustus Caesar: (what if he had lived in the dayes of Augu∣stus Caesar, He would not have been an old man by this time, would He?) Would not you have made an Excellent Privy Counsellor? Is that it? Troth Trans this is a point indeed I never knew before: Would I had liv'd then too my self, if people for living in Augustus Caesar's days, must needs be Privy Counsellor's. But Henry the Fourth took other measures of Govern∣ment, and accordingly it succeeded with him. (I doubt you forget your self here Trans) and His Majesty (in probabi∣lity) will not be so forward to hearken to Bayes his advice, as to follow their Ex∣ample: How? Follow Henry the Fourth his Example? I am no Law∣yer to know what it is, or else I should here cry out Treason.

Page  107But Kings have a shrewd under∣standing, and so do not think fit to re∣quire any thing of their Subjects that is impossible; (Marry that's a shrewd sign of a shrewd understanding, to think nothing fit that is impossible) and are fain upon all occasions to give the people good words, (would you would learn that Quality.) They observe how the Parliament of Poland will be their Kings Taylor; (but they I have much ado to take measure of an un∣limited Magistrate.) But though a certain Queen sate down naked upon the Snow, Kings do not approve the Example: (No sure, a bottle of Wine in Ice is ← better → behalf.) And you now Mr. Bayes will think these and a hundred more which I could tell you, (what a deal of rif-raf is in thy poor Nod∣dle?) idle Stories; and yet Kings can tell how to make use of 'em. Why then you are no good Subject that you don't tell 'em all: The King ought to be informed of all that conduces to Publick Good.

Page  108And hence it is, that in stead of as∣suming your unhoopable Iurisdiction: (Why, is all the difference ← betwixt → Kings and their Subjects that they are Tun's of Heidlebergh, and these but Vi∣negar barrels?) the greater their For∣tune is, they are content to use the less Extravagancy. Oh horrible! Did you ever hear the like To conclude all this Categorical, Mechanical, Political, Apodictical Speech with intimating, That Kings are a Company of Extra∣vagant men, onely The greater their power is, they are content to use (for∣sooth) the less Extravagancy.

The next Peroration says, that the Pope grants the weak a Dispensation from Lent and Fasting-days; Ay, and many a thing that strikes deeper in his Religion. And would you have us do as the Pope does? You know we have our Ceremo∣nies from the Romanists, be careful what you do. You are damn'd without reme∣dy if you conform to them.

Page  109But here comes the pleasantest thing certainly that ever was pen'd: He says, It would almost Tempt a Prince that is Curious, & pretty well settled, to try (for Experiment) whether the pulling one of these Pins out of the Church would make the State Totter or no. I will not say when our Saviour was Tempted to fall down and Worship upon promise of all the Kingdoms in the World, it had been a good Experiment to have try'd and seen whether the Pro∣miser would have been as good as his word. But I am sure it would bring little Credit to Philosophers, if be∣cause some Physicians affirm, that a person executed may be recovered to life again, so he ben't quite cold; I say if any Virtuoso should Hang him∣self to Try. But if you are for these kind of Experiments in earnest Trans, I wish you may never have a worse Doctor afterwards, then he that cur'd the Hiccough.

Page  110But Mr. Bayes, there is more in it; 'tis matter of conscience: Well remem∣bred; and in troth this conscience I fear'd I should have heard no more on't, for we have not had it in our thought methinks a great while. Why the argument for condesc••tion to Conscience is a fortiori: If the King never minds what T — says; and Lords keep off their very Hats but to save a new Periwig; Will the Clergie onely, &c? I tell thee they will, they will, Trans; and therefore thou hadst as good put up thy Pipes, and say nothing to them.

But, I say Princes (so far as I can take the height of things so far above me) why, thou canst not; they are Objects neither for a Telescope nor Mi∣croscope must needs have other thoughts: Why, and they may have the same too for all the Euclid you pretend to. Yet now he comes to tell us what they think; That God might have gi∣ven Page  111 them other kind of cattel for their Sub•ects▪ and have made them Supreme Graziers. Supreme Grazier (by the way) Friend is Nonsense; for a Gra∣zier is not a Grazier of Graziers, nor a Shepherd a Shepherd of Shepherds: w•ll, but what do Kings think? (I'le be a Turk for once, and expect Revelations from a man that's mad.) That in case their Subjects had been all Beasts, the laziness of that Brutal Magistracy might have been more secure. First, questi∣onless no King in the world ever had so Roving a Head as to Philosophize upon this Notion. And secondly, to think that one Man amongst a whole Country of Beasts, wild and tame, should be more secure for be∣ing lazy. I'le be a Christian again, for I can't believe it.

But I am come now to the ingeni∣ousest Argument for Toleration in all thy book; The Body is in the power of the Mind, so that corporal punishments do never reach the Offender, but the In∣nocent Page  112 suffers for the guilty. This is a kind of Transprosal of the Ballad of the Colchester Quaker, where

Why in this case (because I confess I can't answer it) I'le ee'n slink a t'o∣ther side the ← Hedge → once like you, and oppose thus; Anima cujus{que} est quisq••. Now if Bayes onely falls upon your bones, he may claw you and taw you, and rub you and sub you, till heart ake, and you can't complain he's ei∣ther of a fiery nature, or for sang•inary councils, or that he so much as ever touch'd you; and so you may take the — Non quod odio habeam, sed quod amem, (at any time) with a Spartan Resolution.

But now to Case of conscience a∣gain. You say the Non conformists say, that they are bound in conscience to Page  113 act as far as they can; and for the rest; to suffer to the utmost. You adde pre∣sently, They mean honestly: and on my word 'tis well you do so; for these words in termini• may mean any thing. But Kings have Royal Under∣standings, and Gentlemens Memories: No doubt of it; and may they long be preserv'd, I say, and neither of them ever destroy the other.

Next comes a wise Descant upon Queen Elizabeths days, and a long Citation out of Bishop Parker. Thou hadst ← better → have left out some of it, and told us what my Lord Bacon said: There had been a great deal less te∣deousness in a little of one and a lit∣tle of t'other; and how little soever that could have prov'd, I dare say, they would have been both equally to the purpose.

But now, ware the Application; These words do run so directly against the Genius of some m•n: Ay, of all that Page  114 love short and sweet, &c. Here he does relate how the Church of Rome brought in by Degrees innumerable burthensome, and useless Ceremonies; (to do him right) he seems to tax Her for it; but for all this, for my part, Mulieri ne credas, ne mortu• quidem. So he very gravely cry'd, The Engish Clergy have been the most eminent for Divinity and Piety since the Reformati∣on; yet otherwise he laughs both at that and them, and says Printing has brought more mischief to Discipline, then all their Doctrine can make a mends for, &c. But let me keep on in humor: ('Tis having a care of my self, I am troubled with the Spleen.) Bayes he says has got the Philosopher's Stone for Rayling: Well, if there be one Phi∣losopher's Stone for Gold, and another for Rayling, would I had them both. But he has taken all the Posts of Rayling: The Posts of Rayling? Why, he never confuted you with a Cudgel, did he? but he has bought up all the Ammunition of Rayling, and searched every Corner of Page  115 the Bible and Don Quixot for Powder. The Prophanest wretch alive would but have said, he had rak•d Hell and skim'd the Devil for it. But to make the Bible a Magazin of the the same Ammunition with Don Quixot, can e∣vince nothing in the Earth, but your ••ld pretensions, and shew the World (as you say) There's more in't, 'tis mat∣ter of Conscience that you write for.

I am come now to your handling Bayes his Grouuds for Fears and Iea∣lousies, or (which it seems you less start at) his likelyhood or danger of the Return of Popery. Though you have been bountiful, and given Bayes three Names, I see you are clearly for taking away these four words. Thou art in as sad a case about Popery, as the King and no King: if those words Brother and Sister were but away, you two might make a Match. I won't much meddle with disturbing your Nuptials; but let's see what Sport shall we have at the Wedding•Page  116 —Un sinistre Accident; That's Omi∣nious, and a Couple of smutty French Verses upon it: Is this your b•est Epithalmium? I doubt that may be as Ominous too; for since you will have them Translated, I think they may be properer (then your way) done thus:

Good morrow, Mr. Bridegroom, Good morrow.

But no sooner Married, but pre∣sently grow's Iealous; but of what think you? Why lest any body should think Popery is designed in∣deed, whereupon he falls to taking a World of pains to clear the Point. Take heed; our Granam's — had a notable saying, That Iealou∣sie is a sign of Love. And there was one told me, that when Epiectetus lin'd Page  117 his Gown with Fox-skin, He charg'd the Taylor not to let so much as one hair of it be seen on the out-side, for that (quoth he) would spoil all.

But you us'd to haunt the Ordinary: Come away then, a Merry Tale is worth all: You us'd to haunt the Ordinary, and you play'd at Picquet — Peeces. ('Twas done like a Gentle∣man; and I think it very material that you omitted not to inform us thus particularly.) A Gentleman of the Robe us'd to go something with you, and look'd in your hand. In fine, you lost your Money; and so you imagine He gave the Sign. To see what a case you were in when you had lost your Money! You su∣spected your friends when you had none near you. Now do I believe rather the Gentleman was your friend; and onely look'd in your hand (as we do) to see if you did not Oversee, and Play a Knave when you should Play a King. However Page  118 would you forsake the Church for this? You should rather have for∣sook the Ordinary; for 'tis a senseless thing for being angry with the Royal Game of Picquet, to turn Nonconfor∣mist, and Play at Knave out of Doors.

But there was one that robb'd folks near Hampton Court in a Bishops Habit. Prethee Trans:

Can the Clergy help that? or would'st thou have us all strip our selves naked, and sit down in the Snow, lest if we wear any Cloaths Thieves should learn what Habits to Rob in?

Next comes a long Story of Dr. Sibthorp, not a word to the purpose; for Bayes his Doctrine (if you would please to understand it) is not the same with His, nor Manwaring's nei∣ther. Page  119 But thou art more refracto∣ry than D•me Plyant, that would not understand the Count when he spoke Spanish; and if I could speak any, I would tell you so in Spanish; Carvous non vogliate entendre plano Anglese.

Then follows a matter of Eleven leaves more about meer Ragione del non Stat•. How shall I do to crowd in all into five lines? or rather, how shall I do to finish five good ones out on't? Here's Amunition good store if you talk of Amunition: But 'tis all of Rusty Murrious, old Bow's and Tar∣gets. His late Majesty (he says) though a Prince of Exquisite understanding) in∣joy'd but an Imaginary absolute Govern∣ment, and but by the Bishops Assignment neither. Here

The present Clergymen have had (some of them) Private Meetings (he knows not whether in Grubstreet or Page  120 no) with the Divines of the other Party, promising to lay by all Animosities (you must suppose they went in Coaches then, for he told you before, these were the men that would never step one step, but to run things up to Ex∣tremity's.) Yet after, (to shew how Inveterate a thing those endeavours of Reconcilement, were he says, His Majesty gave Commmission under the Great Seal for a Conference ← betwixt → the two parties, to prepare things for an Accommodation: I have much ado to restrain Troppo imperfetta natura, and canvase no further this Speech of Sc••o of Mantua. What does not he sc•ap• up? Commends none for be∣ing in the Right upon a Debate, but blames all when any are in the wrong. Cries they preferr'd Man∣waring for giving the King all: after accuses them for the persons that constantly obstruct the Kings Parlia∣mentary Supplies. I am weary on't: Let's see, I hope our sport is not at at an end; I'de fain have a little Page  121 more of t'other. Well, I know a La∣dy that would not have her Lacquay chi•d for Swearing, because she said it shewed courage, and his acknowledgment of a Deity. By such a way as this Bayes vindicates himself, and shews he is no Atheist. Puh; this is no Jest:: this is Abomination. I know a Lady shall dispute the business with you and your Lady too, and that's Ma∣dam Ursula.

But thou art grown very dull, Trans, (I observe) of late; thou hast not met the Parson again since at the Ordinary, hast thou? There was a jo∣vial Ioyner, that haunted the Comb-makers, (and sure you two could not but know one another) that when he had lost 30 or 40 pounds, would have light a man home at midnight as merrily for 3 pence, as if he had won both Chaplain, Preface, and all the Books in England. Bear up, Man; I'le speak to Mr. Dreyden, and he shall help thee to a Comrade that's an Ar∣tist Page  122 against the next time; and you two shall —Top upon 'em.

Or is it upon any other score that thou art thus down? Why if there be Fears and Iealousies of Popery, there's nobody will take thee for Bel∣larmine. Bayes distinguishes (you know) ← betwixt → the Wealth and the Phanatick; and so he'l do too be∣twixt the Wit and the Papist: and if there be never so many Penal Acts, there's nobody will meddle with Paul the simple. Besides, who can accuse you for either Preacher or Disputant? The most they can make of thee is but a Nunti•; for thou dost indeed mentiri pro patria sufficiently. But, still that Quality is Sacred; and therefore do you but onely (as they say at N••ga•e) Plead you Rogue as I bid you, and I warrant thee come off jure gentium.

Wherefore, since we are now so near, let's pass Rubicon merrily: for Page  123 though Moses dissuaded Caesar, yet He does not hinder any of us: and if it were the Hellespont, I hope one might go drink a Pot with Parthenope after so long a Journey.

Well, I have lookt to the End, & see it's in vain to spur, for thou art quite tired, and settest (in a kind of a hard Trot) to give us solemnly the Reasons that occasioned thy Writing. Why Trans you must know that we take our selves to have very good reason to suspect that you writ this Book, but one Reason, and that is, for a Reason that was Given you. For it seems to me (thou goest on so lum∣pishly every where) that thou wer't meerly dragg'd to't, after a much wiser man (as I am inform'd) had re∣fused the Imployment. But Ma∣dam D' Olonne could not refuse Pa∣get when his Letter argued from so undeniable a Maxim as 2000 Pi∣stols; and so you condescended at last to talk of Kings and Princes, not∣withstanding Page  124 your private Fortune and Education, and Your Thoughts (as well as Bayes his) resolved which way to work themselves, when you saw Ar∣guments produced for it. That were not meerly symbolical.

But le'ts see, what are thy Rea∣sons? First, you were offended at Bayes's Arrogant Style; since there is nothing (you say) in it worth his own taking notice of. Why, Trans, this is the strangest Reason that ever I heard, that it should be pity that a man that writes simply should be so fond as to like his work: I should think rather 'twere pity but he should be condemn'd for his pains to the stupidity of never knowing what an Ass he had made himself. So that you and I differ clearly (though we are both (I see) Tender-hearted) in ap∣plication of our Charity: For in your case now I am content you should think you have done very well still.

Page  125Next, His infinite Tautology was bur∣thensome: Marry come up. A small T••e then about Bishop Bramhal, a Manual of the Letters of the Alphabet, a Parenthesis of seven sides out of Mr. Hales, the old Legend (twice over) of Austin the Monk, and the Novel's of Sibthorp and Manwaring, and Man∣waring and Sibthorp, I warrant Tire no body. Why thy whole Book con∣sists of nothing but Long Distichs; though I believe thou wouldst make any man glad of a Seat upon hear∣ing but a Dimeter of thine: Nay thou canst do it in less compass then Impu∣dent Modesty.

Your Third reason, is your Ex∣ception against him, because All the Variety of his Treat is Pork. Here thou dost abuse the word Variety abomi∣nably. Your friend Henry the Fourth would not have pardoned you if you had perswaded him that Chapon Boullis was Variety, and Ven••Page  126 would sooner have sworn by Stix when— By Love's sweetest part Variety she swore. Then this, if it must be Ca∣strated into Conformity with your un∣derstanding; nay thou debauchest the very Age too, for thou bringest Love it self, which should be a Divine thing, and the noblest passion of an Heroick mind to meer— Boar beckons Pig•hog wil't thou be mine? When thou offerest to say, all the Variety of the Treat is Pork. You talk of Bayes's miserableness? you are more mise∣rable; for you destroy the very no∣tion of Variety, and so I don't wonder at your being a Iew, &c. by Conse∣quence being offended with Pork.

But you add cunningly—You know the Story. Prethee if Bayes himself does know it, what's that to us? You have set our mouths a watering, and now you take away the Meat: But though we ben't worthy, methinks you might have had the manners to have told it, that the King at least Page  127 might know it; who you say, Can make use of all these things. There∣fore pray out with it, and (since I have as great a Concern for the Ships as you pretend for Galleys) if you have any more about Beef and Peason, let's have them too; for the Pork and they being digested in a convenient Memorial together, (but I must pen it then, for the Fleet will not have Stowage enough for the very Paper if it be left to thee) possibly His Majesty may make use of it indeed, and find out some Cheaper way for Victualling the Navy.

After this comes Eight Verses out of Gondibert. Treat thee Quoth a? if ever I Treat thee with Pork, I'le swear the Hog shall have his Skin on: I see shew thee but Victuals, and thou wil't carry away as much as will serve six men in thy Handker∣chief. You object Signing (in Bap∣tism) with the Cross is made a neces∣sary Condition of Church Communion?Page  128 I believe the reason why you are se∣parated in truth is, because no body dares let you come to their Christ∣ning; and so you uuderstanding the words Astragon,

to be meant of Eating: No marvel if you think his Discourse the ← better → Scheme of Religion.

After this he forces himself to talk Relig•ously again: He had almost forgot who he was to be for. On my conscience I might have writ for them as well as thee; but it would have look'd so like Masculine Truth, and Falshood deformed by Ornaments, that I resolv'd (like a good man) to be for Feminine Truth, and set nothing but my own best face upon't to — win fair Lady. But having been Page  129 so well paid for his Gibbelineship, he gives them one more Acquittance, (since the rest will scarce prove a Dis∣charge) here at the end of his book for their money. Do, good People; if you have any thing more to be in∣gross'd, or Petitions to draw, or need any further Instructions how to go on like Fools, here's one that you shall have very fair dealing with: he'l keep touch, and receive all you bring him in open Market, though he commit it to never so close a Coffer, or pri∣vate Till when you are gone.

But now I have done: And a pious end thou hast made, (I'le say that for thee) but no body that hop'd to have a Reprieve ever spun out time at last as thou hast done: nay and the De∣corum on't is, he dies too with an Ex∣hortation in his mouth. That peo∣ple will learn (by his Example) to be An∣gry and Merry. Merry ar't say'st thou? Methinks thou takest more pains then any Horse: Let any man but Page  130 look and see how hard thou art set. Why since the Magisterium of the Grand Thesis is gone in Fum•, thou art come to desire to save but any small matter. Though it would but cure the Itch, and so fall'st to tyring if thou can'st at least scrue Bayes his words to purport, but that he made our Saviour a Player. Now Mode and Figure, Enthymeme, Sorites and Corollary. You shall see how (← betwixt → two Stools) he does it. To put on the per∣son of, &c. is Induere Personam (as sure Trans, as Your Grace is Vestra Clementia.) Then comes—What part did he Play? How? This is a Saltus, (bona ingenia saltant;) you should have proceeded with saying Induere Per∣sonam, was to Act; and (if any bo∣dy believed that) then have ask'd your Question. Come, you had all this out of the Answerer of Salmasius: and your way had been to have transcrib'd the whole side again just as it lay: For I see thou can'st not tell how to apply it. Thou wilt Page  123 make both all the High Sheriffs and Embassadors in Chris•endom Play∣ers, as thou handlest the matter: and in truth, I believe, though they should be angry, they can't chuse but be merry, to see how much in the simplicity of thy heart thou dost it. And now this last strangling for more breath is the way thou would'st per∣suade us thou art Merry:

Thou hadst much ← better have let these after drops of thy Manna alone, and all thy reasons too, since we might have possibly took it for some amends if thou hadst onely told us in short — That is as well as I can do. Thou shalt see I'le do Politickly now, and give no reason, except that I had nothing else to do, and End so. Onely since thou would'st needs be∣stow Page  124 a thing like an Epitaph upon the Author, to shew I will not be be∣hindhand with Apollo in Courtesie if you like it, take you this: