Recreation for ingenious head-peeces, or, A pleasant grove for their wits to walk in of epigrams 700, epitaphs 200, fancies a number, fantasticks abundance : with their addition, multiplication, and division.

EPIGRAMS.

1. To the Reader.

EXcuse mee Reader, though I now and than, In some light lines, doe shew my selfe a man; Nor be so sowre, some wanton words to blame, They are the language of an Epigramme.

2. On Battus.

Battus doth brag he hath a world of Books, His Studies maw holds more then well it may, But seld' or never, he upon them looks, And yet he looks upon them every day. He looks upon their outside, but within He never looks, nor never will begin.

3. On Prue.

Prues nose hangs down so low, one would suppose When ere she gapes, that Prue would eat her nose.

4. To Gripe.

Gripe keeps his coyn well, and his heaps are great, For which he seems wise in his own conceit; Be not deceiv'd Gripe, for ought I can see, Thy bags in this sense are as wise as thee.

5. On Man and Woman.

When man and Woman dyes, as Poets sung, His heart's the last that stirs, of hers the tongue.

6. On Womans will.

How dearly doth the honest husband buy His wives defect of will when she doth dy? Better in death by will to let her give, Then let her have her will while she doth live.

7. Spangle the spruce Gal:

Spruce Spangle's like to a Cynamon Tree; His outside is of much more worth then he.

8. Chaerilus.

Eat Toste and Oyle, eat supple herbs and loos, For thou look'st wondrous costive Chaerilus.

9. In Paulum.

By lawfull Mart, and by unlawfull stealth, P••ulus from th'Ocean hath deriv'd much wealth: But on the Land, a little gulfe there is, Wherein he drowneth all that wealth of his.

10. Vestitus peritus.

Clitus goes oft time clad in Suits of Scarlet, That els no colour had to play the Varlet.

11. Of Poetus.

Poetus with fine Sonnets painted forth This and that foul Ladies beauties worth: He shews small wit therein, and for his pains, By my consent, he never shall reap gain••; Why, what needs Poets paint them, O sweet Elves! When Ladies paint their beauties best themselves.

12. Of Shift the Sharker.

Shift swears he keeps none but good company, For, though th'are such as he did never see, Worse then himselfe he's sure they cannot be.

13. On an Vpstart.

Pray wrong not (late coyn'd) give the man his right, He's made a Gentleman although no Knight, For now 'tis cloaths the Gentleman doth make, Men from gay cloaths their pedegrees doe take; But wot you what's the arms to such mens house? Why this—hands chancing of a Rampant Louse.

14. Volens Nolens.

Will with provisio wills you testifie, Has made his will, but hath no will to die.

15. Ad Clodium.

Wit, once thou said'st was worth thy weight in gold, Though now't be common for a trifle sold; It dearer seems to thee that get'st not any, (When thou shouldst use it) for thy love or money.

16. In Getam.

Geta from wooll and weaving first began, Swelling and swelling to a Gentleman; When he was Gentleman and bravely dight, He left not swelling till he was a Knight:

At last (forgetting what he was at first) He sweld to be a Lord, and then he burst.

17. To Emson.

Emson thou once in Dutch wouldst court a wench, But to thy cost she answered thee in French.

18. In Fimum.

Fimus is Coach'd, and for his farther grace Doth a••k his friends how he becomes the place; Troth I should tel him, the poor coach hath wrong And that a Cart would serve to carry dung.

19. In Flaccum.

The false knave Flaccus once a bribe I gave; The more fool I, to bribe so false a knave: But he gave back my bribe, the more fool he, That for my folly did not cousen me.

20. Of Womens naked breasts.

In open shop•• flyes often blow that flesh, Which in close safe•• might be kept longer fresh. They but invite flesh-flyes, whose full spread pap•• Like road wayes lie between their lips and laps.

21. On Morcho.

Morcho for haste was married in the night, What needed day? his fair young wife is light.

22. On a Bragadocio.

Don Lollus brags, he comes from Noble blood, Drawn down from Brutus line; 'tis very good, If this praise-worthy be, each Flea may then, Boast of his blood more then som Gentlemen.

23. Edens vomens.

Cacus that sups so duly at the Rose, Casts up the reckning truly ere he goes.

24. On a Pumpe stopt with stones.

M. I'le cut it down, I swear by this same hand, If 'twill not run, it shall no longer stand. R. Pray Sir be patient, let your Pump alone, How can it water make when't hath the stone? Yet did he wisely when he did it fell. For in so doing he did make it well.

25. Of Prittle-prattle.

Though th'danger be not great, of all tame cattle, Yet the most troublesome is Prittle-prattle.

26. In Aulum.

Thou still art muttring Aulus in mine ear, Love me and love my Dog: I will I swear, Thou ask'st but right; and Aulus, truth to tell, I think thy Dog deserves my love as well.

27. Ad Tilenum.

Tilens' cause th'art old, fly not the field, Where youthfull Cupid doth his b••nner wield; For why? this god, old men his Souldiers stil'd; None loves but he who hath been twice a Child.

28. To Vellius.

Thou swearst I bowl as well as most men doe, The most are bunglers, therein thou say'st true.

29. Three Genders.

A wife although most wise and chast, is of the Doubtfull Gender; A Quean oth' Common: Feminines, are Women small and tender.

30. Of Brawle.

Brawle loveth brabling, as he loves his life, Leave him for dead, when he leaves stirring strife.

31. In Paulum.

Paul, what my cloak doth hide thou fain wouldst know, Wer't to be seen I would not cover'•• so.

32. Of sleep and death.

That death is but a sleep I not deny, Yet when I next would sleep, I would not dye.

33. Vpon Methusus.

Methusus ask'd me why I call'd him sot, I answer made, because he lov'd the pot, For while Methusus busie is with it, The fool I'm sure's as busie with his wit.

34. On Thraso.

Thraso goes lame with blows he did receive In a late duell, if you'l him believe.

35. Newes.

When News doth come, if any would discusse The Letter of the word, resolve it thus: News is convey'd by letter, word, or mouth, And comes to us from North, East, West, and South.

36. Of Rufus.

Rufus had rob'd his Host, and being put to it, Said, I am an arrant rogue if I did doe it.

37. Of Marcus.

When Marcus fail'd, a borrowed sum to pay, Unto his friend at the appointed day; Twere superstition for a man, he sayes, To be a strict observer of set dayes.

38. Of a Thief.

A thief arrested, and in custody Under strong guards of armed company, Askt why they held him so; Sir, quoth the chief, We hold you for none other then a thief.

39. Of Motion.

Motion brings heat, and thus we see it prov'd, Most men are hot and angry when they'r mov'd.

40. Formall the Fashionist.

Formall all form and fashion is, for matter, Who sayes he sees it in him, doth but flatter; Open and search him, you shall quickly find With what course Canvas his soft silks are lin'd.

41. Ad Scriptorem quend.

Halfe of your Book is to an Index growne, You give your Book Contents, your Reader non••

42. Riches.

Gold's th'onely God, Rich men bear rule, Money makes Majesty: Rich Pluto, not plain Plato now, Speaks with applause most high.

43. On Sextus.

Sextus doth wish his wife in Heaven were, Where can she have more happinesse then there?

45. Secreta nobis.

Tassus from Temple-stairs by water goes, To Westminster, and back to Temple rowes, Belike he loves not trot too much the street Or surbait on the stones his tender feet: Tut! come, there's something in't must not be known But Sir beleev't, The debt is not his own.

45. Of Text-corruptors.

Bad Commentators spoyle the best of Books, So God gives meat, (they say) the Devil sends Cook••▪

46. On a Drawer drunk.

Drawer with thee now even is thy Wine, For thou hast pierc'd his Hogs-head, and he thine.

47. Vpon the weights of a Clock.

I wonder time's so swift, when as I see, Upon her heels, such lumps of lead to be.

48. On Cynna.

Because I am not of a Gyants stature, Despise me no••, nor praise thy liberall nature, For thy huge limbs; that you are great, 'tis true, And that I'm little in respect of you: The reason of our growths is eas'ly had, You, many had perchance; I but one Dad.

49 On Alastrus.

Alastrus hath nor coyn, nor spirit, nor wit. I think hee's only then for Bedlam ••it.

50. Of Mendacio.

Mendacio pretends to tell men News: And that it may be such, himselfe doth use To make it: but that will no longer need, Let him tell truth, it will be News indeed.

51. On Landanno.

Landanno in his gallant bravery, Ruffled his Silks, lookt big, and thrust me by: And still as often as he meets me so, My home-spun cloth must to the channell go. Advise thee well Landanno, children note, And fools admire thee for thy velvet coat: I keep (Landanno) in repute with such, As think they cannot scorn poor thee too much. But thou canst squire fine Madams, thou canst vail Thy Cap and Feather, cringe, and wag thy tail Most decently: Now by you stars that shi••e, So thou transcend'st me: Take the wall, 'tis thine.

52. On Shanks.

Shanks swears he fasts; and always cryes for Beef: O how he fasts! that's how fast eats the Theef!

53. Cito bene.

Sir Iohn at Mattins prayes he might dispatch, Who by true promise is to bowl a match.

54. Of Pertinax.

It will, it must, it shall be so, Saith Pertinax; but what's the reason trow? Nay, that I cannot tell, nor doth he know.

55. To valiant Dammee.

Dammee thy brain is valiant, 'tis confest; Thou more, that with it every day dar'st jest Thy self into fresh braules; but cal'd upon, With swearing Damme, answer'st every one. Keep thy self there, and think thy valour right, He that dares Damne himself, dares more then fight.

56. On Cornuto.

Cornuto is not jealous of his wife, Nor e're mistrusts her too lascivious life, Ask him the reason why he doth forbear, Hee'l answer straight, it cometh with a fear.

57. On a Shrew.

A froward Shrew being blam'd because she show'd Not so much reverence as by right she ow'd Unto her Husband, she reply'd he might Forbear complaint of me, I do him right; His will is mine, he would bear rule, and I Desire the like, onely in sympathy.

58. Of Lawlesse.

Lawlesse the worst times liketh best, why ist? Because then Lawlesse may doe what he list.

59. A rich Curre.

Dru dares good men deprave because hee's rich, Whether more fool or Knave, I know not which.

60. On a Youth married to an Old Woman.

A smooth-fac'd youth, what wedded to an old Decrepit Shrew! (such is the power of Gold) Thy fortune I dare tell; perchance thou'lt have At Supper dainties, but in B••d a grave.

61. On a Fly in a glasse.

A Fly out of his glasse a guest did take, E're with the liquor he his thirst would slake; When he had drunk his fill, again the Fly Into the glasse he put, and said, though I Love not Flyes in my drink, yet others may, Whose humour I nor like, nor will gain-say.

62. On Collimus.

If that Collimus any thing doe lend, Or Dog, or Horse, or Hawk unto his friend, He to endear the borrowers love the more, Saith he ne'r ••ent it any one before, Nor would to any but to him: His wife Having observ'd these speeches all her life, Behinde him forks her fingers, and doth cry, To none but you, I'de do this courtesie.

63. To Loquax.

Loquax, to hold thy tongue would do thee wrong, For thou wouldst be no man but for thy tongue.

64. Good wits jump.

Against a post a scholler chanc'd to strike At unawares his head; like will to like: Good wits will jump (quoth he:) if that be true, The title of a block-head is his due.

65. On Womens Masks.

It seems that Masks do women much disgrace, Sith when they wear them they do hide their face.

66. Of Sawcy the Intruder.

Sawcy, though uninvited, is so rude, As into every comp'ny to intrude; But he's no fit companion for any, Who all ways makes the number one too many.

67. Vpon a pair of Tongs.

The burnt child dreads the fire; if this be true, Who first invented Tongs its fury knew.

68. Lawyers and Souldiers.

If Lawyers had for Term, a tearm of warre, Souldiers would be as rich as Lawyers are;

But here's the difference 'tween Guns and Gowns, These take good Angels, th'other take crack't crowns.

69. On Momus.

Momus can call another fool, but he Can never make his brain and wit agree.

70. Woman.

A Woman is a Book, and often found To prove far better in the sheets then bound: No marvail then, why men take such delight Above all things to study in the night.

71. Clytus cunning.

Clytus the Barbar doth Occasion fly, Because 'tis bald, and he gains nought thereby.

72. Rich promises.

Lords promise soon, but to perform are long, Then would their purse-st••ing•• were ty'd to their tongue.

73. On Comptulus.

I wonder'd Comptulus, how thy long hair, In comely curles could show so debonair, And every hair in order be, when as Thou couldst not trim it by a looking glasse,

Nor any Barber did thy tresses pleat; 'Tis strange; but Monsieur I conceive the ••eat When you your hair doe kemb, you off it take, And order't as you please for fashion sake.

74. On Gellius.

In building of his house, Gellius hath spent All his revenues and his ancient rent, Ask not a reason, why Gellius is poor, His greater house hath turn'd him out of door.

75. To Ponticus.

At Supper time will Pon••u•• visit me, I'd rather have his room then company; But if him, from me I can no ways fright, I'd have him visit me each fasting night.

76. Balbus.

Balbus a Verse on Venus Boy doth scan, But ere 'twas finish'd Cupid's grown a man.

77. On a Pot-Poet.

What lofty verses Coelus writes? it is But when his head with wine oppressed is: So when great drops of rain fall from the skies In standing pools, huge bubbles will arise.

78. On Onellus.

Thou never supp'st abroad, Onellus, true, For at my home I'm sure to meet with you.

79. Of professed Atheists.

If even Devils themselves believe and tremble, Atheists profest methinks should but dissemble.

80. To Termagant.

My Termagant, as I have ought to save, I neither cal'd thee fool, nor knave: That which I cal'd thee is a thing well known, A trifle not worth thinking on: What I suppose thy self wilt easily grant, I cal'd thee Cuckold, Termagant.

81. On a Vertuous Talker.

If vertue's alwayes in thy mouth, how can It e're have time to reach thy heart, fond man?

82. To Severus.

Beleeve Severus, that in these my Rimes I tax no person but the common Crimes.

83. Vpon Pigs devouring a bed of Penny-roy∣all, commonly called Organs.

A good wife once a bed of Organs set, The Pigs came in and eat up every whit, The good man said, wife you your Garden may Hogs Norton call, here Pigs on Organs play.

84. On Gubs.

Gubs calls his children Kitlins: and wo'd bound (Some say) for joy to see those Kitlins dround.

85. On a Fortune-teller.

The influence of th'Stars are known to thee, By whom thou canst each future fortune see: Yet sith thy wife doth thee a Cuckold make, Tis strange they do not that to thee partake.

86. To sweet sir Ou••side.

Th'expence in Odours, is a foolish sin, Except thou couldst sweeten thy Corps within.

87. On a Gallant.

A glittering Gallant, from a prancing Steed, Alighting down desir'd a boy with speed To hold his horse a while, he made reply, Can one man hold him fast? 'twas answer'd, I: If then one man can hold him Sir, you may Doe it your self, quoth he, and slunk away.

88. To Eras-mus.

That thou'art a man each of thy learn'd works shows, But yet thy name tels us thou wast a Mouse.

89. On Bunce.

Money thou ow'st me; prethee fix a day For payment promis'd, though thou never pay:

Let it be Dooms-day; nay, take longer ••••ope; Nay when th'art honest, let me have some hope.

90. On an empty House.

Lollus by night awak'd heard Theeves about His house, and searching narrowly throughout To find some pillage there, he said, you may By night, but I can find nought here by day.

91. A trim Barber.

Neat Barber trim, I must commend thy care, Which dost all things exactly to a haire.

92. On a bragging Coward.

Corsus in Camp, when as his Mates betook Themselves to dine, encourag'd them and spoke, Have a good stomach Lads, this night we shall In heaven at Supper keep a festivall. But battail join'd he fled away in hast, And said, I had forgot, this night I fast.

93. On a great Nose.

Thy Nose no man can wipe, Proclus, unless He have a hand as big as Hercules: When thou dost sneeze the sound thou dost not hear Thy Nose is so far distant from thine ear.

94. On an unequall pair.

Fair Phillis is to churlish Priscus wed, As stronger wine with waters mingled;

Priscus his love to Phillis more doth glow With fervency then fire; hers cold as snow: 'Tis well, for if their flames alike did burn, One house would be too hot to serve their turn.

95. In Quintum.

Quintus is burnt, and may thereof be glad, For being poor he hath a good pretence At every Church to crave benevolence, For one that had by fire lost all he had.

96. On a changeable Rayment.

Know you why Lollus changeth every day, His Perriwig, his face, and his array? 'Tis not because his comings in are much, Or 'cause hee'l swill it with the roaring Dutch; But 'cause the Sergeants (who a writ have had Long since against him) should not know the Lad.

97. On Guesse.

Guesse cuts his shooes, and limping goes about To have men think he's troubled with the Gou••, But 'tis no Gout (beleive it) but hard Beere, Whose acrimonious humour bites him here.

98. On Stale-Batch.

For all night-sins with other Wives unknown Batch now doth daily penance in his own.

99. To sir Guilty.

Guilty, be wise; and though thou knowst the crime•• Be thine I tax; yet do not own my Rimes; 'Twere madnesse in thee to betray thy fame, And person to the world, ere I thy name.

100. Veritas subverta.

Luke that a man on hor••-back met but late, Would simply seem thus to equivocate, And strong maintain 'gainst them, contend who dare, 'Twas meerly but a Taylor and a Mare.

101. On Hugh.

Hugh should have gone to Oxford th'other day, But turn'd at Tiburn, and so lost his way.

102. On a Painted Madam.

Men say y'are fair; and fair ye are, 'tis true, But (Hark!) we praise the Painter now, not you.

103. On Barossa.

Barossa boasts his pedigree, although He knows no letter of the Christ-Crosse row, His house is ancient, and his gentry great, For what more ancient e're was heard of yet Then is the family of fools? how than Dare you not call Barossa Gentleman?

104. Experto credendum.

How durst Capritius call his wedlock whore, But that he speaks it plusquam per narratum.

Nam ipse teste: what require you more, Unlesse you'ld have it magis approbatum?

105. On Iack Cut-purse.

Jack Cut-purse is, and hath been patient long, For hee's content to pocket up much wrong.

106. On Afer.

Afer hath sold his land and bought a Horse, Whereon he pranceth to the royall Burse, To be on hors-back he delights; wilt know? 'Cause then his Company he'd higher show: But happy chance tall Afer in his pride, Mounts a Gunnelly and on foot doth ride.

107. On Charismus.

Thou hast compos'd a Book, which neither age, Nor future time shall hurt through all their rage; For how can future times or age invade, That work which perished as soon as made?

108. Facilis descensus averni.

The way to hell is easie, th'other day, A blind man thither quickly found the way.

109. Age and Youth.

Admire not youth, despise not age, although Some yong are grave, most old men children grow.

110. On Orus.

Orus sold wine, and then tobacco, now He aqua-vitae doth his friends allow. What e're he had was sold to save his life, And now turn'd Pander, he doth sell his wife.

111. On Sneape.

Sneape has a face so brittle, that it breaks Forth into blushes, whensoere he speaks.

112. On Acerra.

Tobacco hurts the brain Physitians say, Doth dull the wit, and memory decay, Yet fear not thou Acerra, for 'twill ne're Hurt thee so much by use, as by thy feare.

113. Empta nostra.

Madam La Foy wears not those locks for nought, Ask at the Shop else, where the same she bought.

114. On Briso.

Who private lives, lives well, no wonder then, You doe absent you from the sight of men, For out of doors you ne'r by day appear, What, is a Sergeant such a huge Bug-bear?

115. A Foolish Querie.

How rich a man is, all desire to know; But none inquires if good he be or no.

116. On the King of Swedens Picture.

Who but the half of this neat Picture drew, That it could ne're be fully done, well knew.

117. B. I. answer to a Thief bidding him stand.

Fly Villain hence, or by thy coat of steel, I'le make thy heart, my brazen bullet feel, And send that thrice as theevish soule of thine, To Hell, to wear the Devils Valentine.

118. Thiefs reply.

Art thou great Ben? or the revived ghost Of famous Shakespeare? or some drunken host? Who being tipsie with thy muddy Beer, Dost think thy Rimes shall daunt my soule with fear? Nay know base Slave, that I am one of those▪ Can take a purse as well in verse as prose; And when th'art dead write this upon thy Herse, Here lyes a Poet that was rob'd in Verse.

119. Nothing New.

Nothing is new: we walk were others went; Th••re's no vice now but has his president.

120. On Cupid.

Cupid hath by his sly and subtill Art, A certain Arrow shot, and pierc'd my heart;

What shall I doe to be reveng'd on love? There is but one way, and that one I'le prove; I'le steale his Arrows, and will head them new With Womens hearts, and then they'l ne'r fly true.

121 A Tobacconist.

All dainty meats I doe defie▪ Which feed men fat as Swine, He is a frugall man indeed, That on a leaf can dine.

Hee needs no Napkin for his hands, His fingers ends to wipe, That keeps his Kitchin in a Box, And Roast-meat in a Pipe.

122. Feeble standing.

Mat being drunken, much his anger wreaks On's wife; but stands to nothing that he speak••.

123. Long and Lazie.

That was the Proverb. Let my Mistriss be Lazie to others; but belong to me.

124. On the Tobaconist.

If mans flesh be like Swines, as it is said, The Metamorphosis is sooner made: Then full fac'd Gnatho no Tobacco take, Smoaking your Corps, lest Bacon you do make.

125. Another.

Tom I commend thee above all I know, That sold'st thy cushion for a pipe of To— For now 'tis like if e're thou study more, Thou'••t sit to't harder then thou didst before.

126. On Button the Grave-maker.

Ye powers above and heavenly poles, Are graves become but Button-holes?

127. On long haire.

Lucas long hair down to his shoulders wears, And why? he dares not cut it for his ears.

128. To a stale Lady.

Thy wrinkles are no more, nor lesse, Then beauty turn'd to sowernesse.

129. A Crab is restorative.

The Crab of the wood Is sawce very good, For the Crab of the foaming Sea; But the wood of a Crab Is sawce for a drab That will not her husband obey.

130. Alius altior.

Would you with Cajus offer now confer In such familiar sort as heretofore?

And not observe he's grown an Officer, That looks for adoration ten times more? Tut! what of pedegree, or turpe domo, Tis not so now ye see, nam ecce homo.

131. Sor••e tua contentas.

If adverse fortune bring to passe, And will that thou an Asse must be; Then be an asse, and live an asse, For out of question wise is he That undergoes with humble mind, The state that chance hath him assign'd.

132. On a pretender to Prophecy.

Ninety two years the world as yet shall stand, If it doe stand or fall at your command; But say, why plac'd you not the worlds end ny••r L••st ere you dy'd you might be prov'd a lyer?

133. Mart. lib. 8. Epigr. 69.

Old Poets onely thou dost praise, And none but dead ones magnifie, Pardon Vocerta, thee to please, I am not yet in mind to die.

134. On a Gamester.

For hundred-thousands Matho playes; Olus what's that to thee?

Not thou by means thereof, I trow, But Matho poor shall be.

135. Parcus profusus.

Old doting Claudus that rich miser known, Made drunk one night, & jumping but with Ioan, Was forc't not onely to discharge the shot, But keep the Bastard which the gull ne'r got.

136. On Fr. Drake.

Sir Drake, whom well the worlds end knew, Which thou didst compasse round, And whom both Poles of Heaven once saw, Which North and South do bound. The Stars above would make thee known, If men here silent were; The Sun himselfe cannot forget, His fellow Traveller.

137. B. I. approbation of a copy of Verses.

One of the witty sort of Gentlemen, That held society with learned Ben— Shew'd him some Verses of a tragick sense; Which did his ear much curious violence; But after Ben had been a kind partaker Of the sad lines, he needs must know the maker; What unjust man he was, that spent his time, And banish'd reason to advance his rime:

Nay gentle Ben, replyes the Gentleman, I see I must support the Poet than; Although those humble strains are not so fit For to please you, hee's held a pretty wit; Is he held so? (sayes Ben) so may a Goos, Had I the holding, I would let him loos.

138. Vt pluma persona.

Why wears Laurentius such a lofty feather? Because he's proud and foolish both together.

139. Gaine and Gettings.

When others gain much by the present cast, The Coblers getting time, is at the last.

140. Domina praedominatis.

Ill may Radulphus boast of rule or riches, That lets his wife rule him, and wear the breeches.

141. On Doll.

Doll she so soon began the wanton trade, She ne'r remembers that she was a maid.

142. To a Nose and Teeth very long.

Gape 'gainst the Sun, and by thy Teeth and Nose 'Tis easie to perceive how the day goes.

143. On a Welshman and an Englishman.

There was a time a difference began, Between a Welshman and an Englishman,

And thus it was; the Englishman would stand Against all Argument, that this our land Was freest of her fruits: there is a place, Quoth he, whose ground so fruitfull is of grasse, But throw a staffe in't but this night, you shall Not see't the morrow, 'twould be cover'd all. The Welshman cry'd, 'tis true it might lye under The o'r-grown grasse, w^ch is with us no wonder: For turn your Horse into our fruitfull ground, And before morning come, he shan't be found.

144. On Pride.

Why Pride to others doth her self prefer, The reason's clear, she's heir to Lucifer.

145. On Skrew.

Skrew lives by shifts, yet swears by no small oaths, For all his shifts, he cannot shift his cloaths.

146. O Mores.

Now vertu's hid with follies jugling mist, And hee's no man that is no humorist.

147. To Teltale.

Thy glowing ears, to hot contention bent, Are not unlike red Herrings broyl'd 〈…〉〈…〉.

148. Sperando pariens.

Hodg hir'd him such a house, at such a rent, As might 'gainst marriage, much his state augment; But lingring fates did so his hopes prevent, As Hodg perforce must flye, for all was spent.

149. On a Souldier.

The Souldier fights well, and with good regard, But when he's lame, he lyes at an ill ward.

150. Vivens mortuis.

What makes young Brutus bear so high his head, And on the sudden gallant it so brave? Pray understand Sir; 's Father's newly dead, Who hath so long been wish'd for laid in's grave.

151. A secret necessity.

What makes F. G. wear still one pair of hose? Ask Banks the Broker; he the businesse knows.

152. On Garret and Chambers.

Garret and his friend Chambers having done Their City businesse, walkt to Paddington, And coming neer the fatall place, where men, I mean offender••, ne'r return agen, Looking on Tyburn in a merriment:

Sayes Chambers, here's a pretty Tenement Had it a Garret? Garret hearing that, Replyes, friend Chambers I doe wonder at Your simple censure, and could mock you for it, There must be Chambers e're there be a Garret.

153. Dubium indubitatum.

Say Parnels children prove not one like th'other; The best is yet, she's sure they'd both one Mother.

154. On Linnit.

Linnit plays rarely on the Lu••e, we know; And sweetly sings, but yet his breath sayes no.

155. On Vsuring Gripe.

Gripe feels no lameness of his knotty Gout, His moneys travell for him in and out. And though the soundest legs goe every day, He toyls to be at Hell as soon as they.

156. A phrase in Poetry.

Fairer then that word faire, why so she must, Or be as black as Timothies toasted crust.

157. A Witt-all.

Ieppa thy wit will ne'r endure a touch, Thou knowst so little, and dost speak so much

158. Ad Lectorem.

Is't possible that thou my Book hast bought, That said'st 'twas nothing worth? why was it nought? Read it agen, perhaps thy wit was dull, Thou may'st find something at the second pull: Indeed at first thou nought didst understand; For shame get something at the second hand.

159. On Skinns.

Skinns he din'd well to day; how doe you think? His nayles they were his meat, his reume the drink?

160. Suum cuique pulchrum.

Posthumus not the last of many more, Asks why I write in such an idle vain, Seeing there are of Epigrams such store; O give me leave to tell thee once again, That Epigrams are fitted to the season, Of such as best know how to make rime reason.

161. Certa dissimulans.

Monsieur Piero's wise trades all in French, And coyly simpring cryes, Pardona moy: As who should think, she's sure no common wench But a most true dissembler, par may foy.

162. In magnis voluisse sat est.

In matters great to will it doth suffice: I blush to hear how loud this Proverb lyes, For they that owe great sums by bond or bill, Can never cancell them with meer good will.

163. As proud as witlesse Dracus.

Dracus his head is highly by him born. And so by straws are empty heads of corn.

164. Saltem videretur.

A Welshman and an Englishman disputed, Which of their lands maintain'd the greatest state; The Englishman the Welshman quite confuted, Yet would the Welshman nought his brags abate, Ten cooks, quoth he, in Wales one wedding fees, Truth, quoth the other, each man tosts his cheese.

165. Knowing and not knowing.

Cosmus by custome taunts each man, And yet can nought of reason scan, How can that be, when who knows least, Knows he should wise be, that would jest: Then thus no further I allow, That Cosmus know••, but knows not how.

166. Stupid Binus.

Sith time flyes fast away, his safest flight, Binus prevents with dreaming day and night.

167. Postrema pessima.

Cacus in's cunning ne'r so prov'd o'r-reacht As now at last, who must be halter-stretcht▪

168. On his Mistris.

My Love and I for kisses play'd, She would keep stakes, I was content, And when I won she would be paid; This made me ask her what she meant, Saith she, since you are in this wrangling vain, Take you your kisses, and give me mine again.

169. On a proud Maid.

She that will eat her breakfast in her bed, And spend the morn in dressing of her head, And sit at dinner like a Maiden-bride, And talk of nothing all d•••• but of pride; God in mercy may doe much to save her, But what a case is he in that shall have her?

170. Tempus edax rerum.

Time eateth all things, could the Po••ts say, The times are chang'd, our times drink all away.

171. Facies ignota.

Why should not Rubin rich apparell wear, That's left more money then an Asse can bear? Can any guesse him by his outward guise, But that he may be generous and wise?

172. On a coy Woman.

She seems not won, yet won she is at length; In loves war, women use but half their strength.

173. On Bed-keeping.

Bradus the Smith hath often sworn and sed, That no disease should make him keep his bed, His reason was, I oft have heard him tell it, He wanted money, therefore he would sell it.

174. On a man stealing a Candle from a Lanthorn.

One walking in the street a winter night, Climb'd to a Lanthorn, thought t'••ave stole the light, But taken in the manner and descri'd By one o'th'servants, who look'd & cry'd, Whose there: what d'you? who doth our lanthorn handle? Nothing, said he, but onely snuffe the Candle.

175. On Fraternus.

Fraternus' opinions show his reason weak, He held the nose was made for man to speak.

176. Little and Loud.

Little you are; for womens sake be proud; For my sake next, (though little) be not loud.

177. On a French Fencer, that challenged Church an English Fencer.

The fencing Gaules in pride and gallant vaunt, Challeng'd the English at the Fencing skill, The Fencer Church, or the Church Militant, His errors still reprov'd and knock'd him still; But sith our Church him disciplin'd so sore, He (rank Recusant) comes to Church no more.

178. On Gella.

Gella is light, and like a Candle wasteth, Even to the snuffe, that stinketh more it lasteth.

179. On I. Lipsius who bequeathed his Gown to the V. Mary.

A dying Latinist of great renown, Unto the Virgin Mary gave his Gown; And was not this false Latine so to joyn With female gender, the case masculine?

180. On two striving together.

Two falling out, into a ditch they fell, Their falling out, was ill; but in was well.

181. A Lawyers Will.

A Lawyer being sick and extream ill, Was moved by his friends to make his wil, Which soon he did, gave all the wealth he had To frantick persons, lunatick, and mad; And to his friends this reason did reveale; (That they might see, with equity hee'd deal) From mad mens hands I did my wealth receive, Therefore that wealth to mad mens hands I leave.

182. Youth and Age.

Age is deformed, Youth unkind, We scorn their bodies, they our mind.

183. Somnus decipiens.

Dod sweetly dreamt this other night had found In gold and silver ne'r an hundred pound, But waking felt he was with Fleas sore bitten, And further smelt he had his shirt be—

184. To a Shoomaker.

What boots it thee, to follow such a trade, That's alwayes under foot and underlaid?

185. Death.

The lives of men seem in two seas to swim, Death comes to young folks, and old go to him.

186. Quos ergo, &c.

Rufus in rage the Pots flings down the stairs, And threats to pull the Drawer by the ears, For giving such attendance: Slave (sayes he) Where's thine observance? Ha! must such as we Be no more waited on? Goe; bring to pay, And keep my Rapier till I come this way.

187. A disparity.

Children fondly blab truth, and fools their brothers; Women have learn'd more wisdome of their Mothers.

188. To Maledict.

Thou speakest ill, not to give men their dues, But speakest ill, because thou canst not chuse.

189. On Newter Ned.

Newter convict of publick wrongs to men, Takes private beatings, and begins agen; Two kinds of valour he doth shew at once, Active in's brains, and passive in his bones.

190. Interpone tuis, &c.

Not mirth, nor care alone, but inter-wreath'd; Care gets mirths stomach, mirth makes care long breath'd.

191. Ignotus sibi.

Fastidius finds it Nimis ultra posse, How to distinguish of Teipsum nosce: I doe not marvell much it should be so, For why the Coxcomb, will himselfe not know.

192. On Craw.

Craw cracks in Sirrop; and do's stinking say, Who can hold that (my friends) that will away.

193. Pot Poet.

Poet and pot differ but in a letter, Which makes the Poet love the pot the better.

194. Content.

Content is all we aim at with our store? If that be had with little, what needs more?

195. Fast and Loose.

Paphus was marry'd all in hast, And now to rack doth run; So knitting of himself too fast, He hath himselfe undone.

196. Tortus.

Tortus accus'd to lye, to fawn, to flatter; Said he but set a good face on the matter;

Then sure he borrow'd it, for 'tis well known, Tortus ne're wore a good face of his own.

197. On Raspe.

Raspe playes at Nine-holes, and 'tis known he get•• Many a Teaster by his game, and bet••; But of his gettings there's but little signe, When one hole wasts more then he gets by nine.

198. Impar impares odit.

Sotus hates wise men, for himselfe is none, And fools he hates, because himself is one.

199. Similis doctrina libello.

Croesus of all things loveth not to buy So many Books of such diversity: Your Almanack (sayes he) yeelds all the sence Of time's past, profit, and experience.

200. On Tullus.

Tullus who was a Taylor by profession, Is late turn'd Lawyer, and of large possession. So who before did cut but Countrey freeze, Now cuts the Countrey in excessive fees.

201. Vt parta perdita.

Marcellus proves a man of double means, First rais'd by drunkards, then undone by queans.

202. On Iack and Iill.

Since Iack and Iill both wicked be; It seems a wonder unto me, That they no better doe agree.

203. On Women.

Woman's the centre, and the lines be men, The circles, love; how doe they differ then? Circles draw many lines into the center, But love gives leave to onely one to enter.

204. On Womans love.

A womans love is like a Syrian flow'r, That buds, and spreads, and withers in an hour.

205. On Cooke a Cuckold.

A young Cook marry'd upon Sunday last, And he grew old e'r Tuesday night was past.

206. Nomine, non re.

Grace I confesse it, hath a comely face, Good hand and foot as answerable to it: But what's all this except she had more grace? Oh you will say, 'tis want that makes her do it. True, want of grace indeed, the more her shame: Gracelesse by Nature, onely Grace by Name.

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207. A Mounsieur Naso, vero le.

Naso let none drink in his glasse but hee, Think you 'tis pride? 'tis courtesie.

208. A Butcher marrying a Tanners daughter.

A fitter match then this could not have bin, For now the flesh is married to the skin.

209. A Widow.

He which for's wife a widow doth obtain, Doth like to those that buy clothes in Long-lane, One Coat's not fit, another's too too old, Their faults I know not, but th'are manifold.

110. On a Farmer Knighted.

In my conceit Sir Iohn, you were to blame, To make a quiet good-wife, a mad-dame.

211. On Pallas and Bacchus Birth.

Pallas the off-spring of Ioves brain, Bacchus out of his thigh was ta'en: He breaks his brain that learning wins, When he that's drunk breaks but his shin••.

212. On an old man doting upon a young Wench.

A rich old man loving a fair young Lasse, Out of his breeches his spectacles drew,

Wherewith he writ a note how rich he was; All which (quoth he) sweet heart I'l give to you. Excuse me Sir (quoth she) for all your riches, I'l marry none that wears his eyes in's breeches.

213. On a Welshman.

The way to make a Welshman think on blisse, And daily say his prayers on his knees, Is to perswade him, that most certain 'tis, The Moon is made of nothing but green Cheese; Then he'l desire of Iove no greater boon, Then to be plac'd in Heaven to eat the Moon.

214. On Lungs.

Lungs (as some say) ne'r sets him down to eat, But that his breath doth fly-blow all his meat.

215. Ad Quintum.

Thy lawfull wife, fair Lelia needs must be, For she was forc'd by law to marry thee.

216. As many dayes in the year, so many Veins in man.

That every thing we doe, might vain appear, We have a vein for each day in the year.

217. To a friend, on the losse of his Mistresse.

I•• thou the best of women didst forgo, Weigh if thou found'st her, or didst make her so:

If she was found, know there is more then one; If made, the workman lives though she be gone▪

218. On a Whore.

Rosa is faire, but not a proper woman; Can any woman proper be that's common?

219. Aequalis consensus.

Caecus and's choyce, for change no time defers, Both separate, yet consenting each together, He maids for his turn takes, she men for hers, And so they jump, though seldome joyn together▪

220. On a Welshman

A Welshman late coming into an Inne, Asked the Maid what meat there was within; Cow-heels she answer'd, and a brest of Mutton; But quoth the Welshman, since I am no glutton; Either of both shall serve; to night the brest, The heels i'th morning, then light meat is best; At night he took the brest, and did not pay, I'th morning took his heels, and run away.

221. On Men and Women.

Ill thrives that haplesse family that shows A Cock that's silent, and a Hen that crows: I know not which lives more unnaturall lives, Obeying Husbands, or commanding Wives.

222. On Linus.

Linus told me of Verses that he made, Riding to London on a trotting Jade; I should have known, had he conceal'd the case, Even by his Verses of his Horses pace.

223. Sauce for sorrowes.

Although our sufferings meet with no reliefe, An equall mind is the best sauce for griefe.

224. On a little dimunitive Band.

What is the reason of God-dam-me's band, Inch-deep, and that his fashion doth not alter? God-dam-me saves a labour, understand, In pulling't off when he puts on the halter.

225. On fine apparrell.

Some that their wives may neat and cleanly go, Doe all their substance upon them bestow: But who a Gold-finch, fain would make his wife, Makes her perhaps a Wag-tail all her life.

226. Vpon Conscience.

Many men this present age dispraise, And think men have small conscience now adays; But sure, I'l lay no such fault to their charge, I rather think their conscience is too large.

227. Dicta praedicta.

Battus breaks jests on any thing that's spoken, Provided alwayes, they before are broken.

228. On Vmber.

Vmber was painting of a Lyon fierce, And working it, by chance from Vmbers Erse Flew out a crack, so mighty, that the fart, (As Vmber swears) did make his Lyon start.

229. In Cornutum.

Cornutus cal'd his wife both whore and slut, Quoth she, you'l never your brawling but— But what quoth he? quoth she, the post or door, For you have horns to butt, if I'm a whore.

230. A witty passage.

An old man sitting at a Christmasse feast, By eating Brawn occasioned a jest; For whilst his tongue and gums chased about, For want of pales the chased Bore broke out; And light perchance upon a handsome lasse, That neer him at the Table placed was; Which when she spy'd, she pluck'd out of her sleeve A pin, and did it to the old man give; Saying, sith your Brawn out of your mouth doth slip, Sir take this pin, and therewith close your lip;

And bursting into laughter, strain'd so much, As with that strain her back-part spake low-dutch Which th'old man hearing, did the pin restore; And bad her therewith close her postern door.

231. On Cob.

Cob clouts his shooes, and as the story tels, His thumb-nayles par'd afford him sparables.

232. Omnia pariter.

Ralph reads a line or two, and then cryes mew; Deeming all else according to those few; Thou might'st have thought and prov'd a wiser Lad; (As Ioan her fooding bought) som good som bad.

233. A new married Bride.

The first of all our sex came from the side of Man, I thither am return'd from whence I came.

234. On a Pudding.

The end of all, and in the end, the praise of all depends. A Pudding merits double praise, because it hath two ends.

235. Answer.

A pudding hath two ends; you lye my brother For it begins at one, and ends at th'other.

236. Si nihil attuloris, ibis, &c.

Planus, an honest Swaine, but moneylesse, Besought a Lawyer to be good unto him, Who either (gratis) must his cause redresse, Or promise what he never meant to doe him. Being asked why he carelesse lingred it? Made this reply, Ex nihilo nihil sit.

237. On Maids.

Most Maids resemble Eve now in their lives, Who are no sooner women, then th'are wives; As Eve knew no man, e'r fruit wrought her wo; So these have fruit oft e'r their husbands know.

238. Vt cecidit surgit.

Now Martha married is, shee'l brave it out, Though ne'r so needy known to all about; And reason good, she rise once in her life, That fell so oft before she was a wife.

239. On a man whose choyce was to be hang'd or married.

M. Lo here's the Bride, and there's the Tree, Take which of these best liketh thee. R. The choyce is bad on either part, The woman's worst, drive on the Cart.

240. Women.

Were women as little as they are good; A Pescod would make them a gown and a hood.

241. On a Louse.

A Louse no reason hath to deal so ill, With them of whom she hath so much her will; She hath no tongue to speak ought in their praise, But to backbite them finds a tongue alwayes.

242. A Courtier and a Scholler meeting.

A Courtier proud walking along the street, Hap'ned by chance a Scholler for to meet: The Courtier said (minding nought more then place, Unto the Scholler (meeting face to face) To take the wall, base men I'l not permit; The Scholler said, I will; and gave him it.

243. Cede majoribus.

I took the wall, one rudely thrust me by, And told me the High-way did openly, I thank'd him that he would me so much grace, To take the worse and leave the better place; For if by owners we esteem of things, The wall's the Subject••, but the way the Kings.

244. On Betty.

Sound teeth has Betty, pure as pearle and small, With mellow lips, and luscious therewithall.

245. A rule for Courtiers.

He that will thrive in Court, must oft become, Against his will, both blind, and deaf, and dumb••

246. Why women wear a fall.

A question 'tis, why women wear a fall; The truth it is, to pride they're given all, And pride, the Proverb sayes, will have a fall.

247. For as expertus.

Priscus hath been a traveller, for why? He will so strangely swagger, swear and ly.

248. To a painted Whore.

Whosoever saith thou sellest all, doth jest, Thou buy'st thy beauty, that sells all the rest.

249. Detur quod meritum.

A Courtier kind in speech, curst in condition, Finding his faults could be no longer hidden, Came to his friend to clear his bad suspition, And fearing least he should be more then chidden▪ Fell to flatt'ring and most base submission, Vowing to kisse his foot if he were bidden. My foot said he? nay that were too submisse; You three foot higher, well deserve to kisse.

250. Non lubens loquitur.

Gluto, at meals is never heard to talk, For which the more his chaps and chin do walk, When every one that sits about the bord, Makes sport to ask, what Gluto, ne'r a word? He forc'd to answer being very loath, I•• almost choak'd, speaking and eating both.

251. On Philos.

If Philos, none but those are dead, doe praise, I would I might displease him all his dayes.

252. The promise-breaker.

Ventus doth promise much, but still doth break, So all his promises are great and weak: Like bubbles in the water (round and light) Swelling so great, that they are broke out-right,

253. Change.

What now we like, anon we disapprove; The new successor drives away old love.

254. On a passing Bell.

This dolefull musick of impartiall death, Who danceth after, danceth out of breath.

255. Nummos & demona jungit▪

Bat bids you swell with envy till you burst, So he be rich, and may his coffers fill,

Bringing th'example of the Fox that's curst And threatning folks who have least power to kill•• For why 'tis known, his trade can never fall, That hath already got the Devill and all.

256. Nil gratum ratione carens.

Paulus a Pamphlet doth in prose present Unto his Lord (the fruits of idle time) Who far more carelesse, then therewith content, Wisheth it were converted into rime: Which done, and brought him at another season, Said: now 'tis rime, before nor rime nor reason.

257. Non cessat perdere lusor.

Ask Ficus how his luck at dicing goes: Like to the tide (quoth he) it ebbes and flows, Then I suppose his chance cannot be good, For all men know 'tis longer ebbe than flood.

258. Womens policy.

To weep oft, still to flatter, sometime spin, Are properties women excell men in.

259. Volucrem sic decipit auceps.

Hidrus the Horse-courser (that cunning mate) Doth with the buyers thus equivocate; Claps on his hand, and prays he may not thrive, If that his gelding be not under five. ☞

260. Perdat qui caveat emptor.

Nor lesse meant Promus when that vow he made Then to give o'r his cousening Tapsters trade, Who check'd for short and frothy measure, swore He never would from henceforth fill pot more.

261. On Death.

How base hath sin made man, to fear a thing Which men call Mors? w^ch yet hath lost all sting, And is but a privation as we know, Nay is no word if we exempt the O: Then let good men the fear of it defie, All is but O, when they shall come to dye.

262. To Mr. Ben Iohnson, demanding the reason why he call'd his playes works.

Pray tell me Ben. where doth the mystery lurk, What others call a play, you call a work.

263. Thus answer'd by a friend in Ben Iohnsons defence.

The Authors friend thus for the Author sayes, Bens plays are works, when others works are plays.

264. On Crambo a lowsie shifter.

By want of shift, since Lice at first are bred, And after by the same increast and fed; Crambo I muse how you have Lice so many, Since all men know, you shift as much as any.

265. Ad Aristarchum.

Be not agriev'd, my humorous line•• afford Of looser language here and there a word: Who undertakes to sweep a common sink, I cannot blame him, though his broom do stink.

266. In Aulum.

Aulus gives naught, men say, though much he crave Yet I can tell to whom the Pox he gave.

267. On covetous persons.

Patrons are Latrons, then by this Th'are worst of greedy people, Whose cognizance a Wolfs head is, And in his mouth a steeple.

268. On a Dyer.

Who hath time hath life, that he denies, This man hath both, yet still he dies.

269. Non verbera, sed verba.

Two Schollars late appointed for the field; Must, which was weakest to the other yield; The quarrell first began about a word, Which now should be decided by the sword: But e'r they drew, there fell that alteration, As they grew friends again by disputation.

270. Love and Liberty.

••ove he that will; it b••st likes mee ••o have my neck from loves yoke free.

271 To a neat reader.

••hou say'st my verses are rude, ragged, ruffe, ••ot like some others rimes, smooth dainty stuffe•• ••pigrams are like Satyrs, rough without, ••ike Chesnuts sweet, take thou the kernell out.

272. Of Letting.

••n bed a young man with his old wife lay▪ O wife, quoth he, I've let a thing to day, By which I fear, I am a loser much: His wife replyes, youths bargains still are such; So turning from him angry at her heart, She unawares let out a thundring— O wife, quoth hee, no loser am I now, A marv'lous saver I am made by you; Young men that old wives have may never sell; Because old wives, quoth hee, let things so well,

273. Sublata causa &c.

Why studies Silvester no more the lawes, 'Tis thought Duck-lane has tane away the cause.

274. Sapiat qui dives, oportet.

'Tis known how well I live, sayes Romeo, And whom I list, I'le love, or will despise: Indeed it's reason good it should be so: For they that wealthy are, must needs be wise: But this were ill, if so it come to passe, That for your wealth you must be beg'd an 〈◊〉〈◊〉

275. In Dossum.

Dosse riding forth, the wind was very big, And strained court'••ie with his Perriwig, Leaving his sconce behind so voyd of haire, As Esops Crow might break her Oyster there; Fool he to think his hair could tarry fast, When Boreas tears forrests with a blast.

276. Post dulcia, finis amarus.

Ienkin a Welshman that had suits in Law, Journying to London, chanc'd to steal a Cow; For which (pox on her luck as ne'r mon saw) Was burnt within the fist and know not how: Being ask'd if well the Lawes with him did stand▪ Hur have hur now (quoth Ienkin) in hur hand.

277. Feminae Iudificantur viros.

Kind Katharine to her Husband kis•• these words, Mine own sweet Will, how dearly doe I love thee▪

If true (quoth VVill) the world no such affords. And that it's true, I durst his warrant bee; For ne'r heard I of woman good or ill, But alwayes loved best, her owne sweete will.

278. Ad Tusserum.

Tusser, They tell me when thou wert alive, Thou teaching thrift, thy self couldst never thrive; So like the wh••••stone many men are wont To sharpen others when themselves are blunt.

229. Praestat videri quam esse.

Clitus with clients is well customed, That hath the Lawes but little studied; No matter Clitus, so they bring their fees, How ill the case and thy advice agrees.

280. Tunc ••ua res agitur.

A jealous Marchant that a Sailor me••, Ask'd him the reason why he meant to marry, Knowing what ill their absence might beget, That still at Sea, constrained are to tarry? Sir (quoth the saylor) think you that so strange? 'Tis done the time whiles you but walke th'ex∣change.

281. On Skoles.

Skoles stinks so deadly, that his breeches loath His dampish but tocks furthermore to cloth: Cloyd they are up with Arse; but hope, and blast Will whirle about, and blow them thence at last.

282. A Conference.

A Dane, a Spaniard, a Polonian, My self a Swisse, with an Hungarian, At supper met, discoursed each with other, Drank, laught, yet none that understood another.

283. In Marcum.

Marcus is not an hypocrite, and why? He flyes all good, to fly hypocrisy.

284. Quod non verba suadeant?

Sextus halfe sav'd his credit with a jest, That at a reckoning this devise had got, When he should come to draw amongst the rest, And saw each man had coyn, himself had not; His empty pocket feels, and 'gins to say, In sadnesse Sirs, here's not a crosse to pay.

285. Stupid Binus.

Sith time flyes fast away, his safest flight Binus prevents with dreaming day and night.

286. In divites.

Rich men their wealth as Children Rattles keep, When play'd a while with't then they fall asleep.

287. In Fannium.

What fury's this? his foe whilst Fannius flyes, He kils himself, for fear of death he dyes.

288. On a vaunting Poetaster.

Cecilius boasts his Verses worthy be To be ingraven on a Cypresse tree; A Cypresse wreath befits them well, 'tis true; For they are near their death and crave but due.

289. In divites iracundo••.

Rich friends 'gainst poor to anger still are prone: It is not well but profitably done.

290. Durum telum necessitas.

Coquus with hunger pennilesse constrain'd To call for meat and wine three shillings cost, Had suddenly this project entertain'd, In stead of what's to pay, to call mine host; Who being come entreateth him discusse, What price the Law alots for shedding blood: Whereto mine Host directly answers thus; 'Twas alwayes forty pence he understood:

So then, quoth Coquus, to requite your pains, Pray break my head, and give me what remains▪

291. To an upstart.

Thy old friends thou forgotst having got wealth▪ No marvaile, for thou hast forgot thy selfe.

292. Ambition.

In wayes to greatnesse, think on this, That slippery all Ambition is.

293. Suum cuiq••e.

A strange contention being lately had, Which kind of Musick was the sweet'st and best, Some praise the sprightly sound, and some the sad Some lik't the Viols; and among the rest, Some in the Bag-pipes commendation spoke, Quoth one stood by, give me a pipe of smoke.

294. In Prodigum.

Each age of men new fashions doth invent; Things which are old, young men do not esteem▪ What pleasd our Fathers, doth not us content: What flourish'd then, we out of fashion deem: And that's the cause as I doe understand, Why Prodigus did sell his Fathers Land.

295. In Medicum.

When Mingo cryes, how do you sir? 'tis thought He Patients wanteth; and his practice's naught: Wherefore of late, now every one he meeteth, With [I am glad to see you well] he greeteth: But who'l believe him now, when all can tell, The world goes ill with him, when all are well?

296. On Zelot.

Is Zelot pure? he is: yee see he wears The signe of Circumcision in his ears.

297. Crispati crines plumae dant calcar amori.

Why is young Annas thus with feathers dight? And on his shoulder wears a dangling lock? The one foretels hee'l sooner fly then fight, The other shows hee's wrapt in's mothers smock. But wherefore wears he such a jingling spur? O know, he deals with Jades that will not stir.

298. On Boung-Bob.

Bob, thou, nor souldier, theef, nor fencer art, Yet by thy weapon liv'st, th'hast one good part,

299. On Glaucus.

Glaucus a man, a womans hair doth wear, But yet he wears the same comb'd out behind:

So men the wallet of their faults doe bear, For if before him, he that fault should find: I think foul shame would his faire face invade, To see a man so like a woman made.

300. On Crab.

Crab faces gowns with sundry Furres; 'tis know••▪ He keeps the Fox-furre for to face his own.

301. Dolo intimus.

Nor Hauk, nor Hound, nor Hors, those letters hhh▪ But ach it self, 'tis Brutus bones attaches.

302. Of Batardus.

Batardus needs would know his Horoscope, To see if he were born to scape the rope: The Magus said, ere thou mine answer have, I must the name of both thy parents crave: That said, Batardus could not speak but spit; For on his fathers name he could not hit: And out of doors at last he stept with shame, To ask his mother for his fathers name.

303. Consuetudo lex.

Two wooers for a wench were each at strife, Which should enjoy her to his wedded wife, Quoth th'one, she's mine, because I first her saw; She's mine, quoth th'other, by Pye-corner law••

Where sticking once a prick on what you buy, It's then your own, which no man must deny.

304. On Womens deniall.

Women, although they ne're so goodly make it, Their fashion is but to say no, and take it.

305. In Battum.

Battus affirm'd no Poet ever writ, Before that love inspir'd his dull-head wit: And that himself in love had wit no more, Then one stark mad, though somwhat wise before.

306. On Marriage.

Wedding and hanging the Destinies dispatch, But hanging seems to some the better match.

307. Vidua aurata.

Gallus hath got a widow wondrous old, The reason is he woo'd her for her gold: Knowing her Maids are young and serve for hire, Which is as much as Gallus doth desire.

308. In Dol praegnantem.

Dol learning Propria quae maribus without Book, Like Nomen crescent is genitivo doth look.

309. Timidos fortuna repellit.

When Miles the Serving-man my Lady kist, She knew him not (though scarcely could resist)

For this (quoth he) my Master bid me say; — How's that (quoth she) and frowning flings away: Vext to the heart, she took her mark amisse, And that she should a serving creature kisse. Why thus it is when fools must make it known, They come on others businesse, not their own.

310. Against a certain —

For mad-men Bedlam, Bridewell for a Knave, Choose whether of those two th'adst rather have.

311. Loves progresse.

Loves first approach, delights sweet song doth sing: But in departure, she woes sting doth bring.

312. On old Scylla.

Scylla is toothlesse, yet, when she was young, She had both teeth enough, and too much tongue. What shall I then of toothlesse Scylla say, But that her tongue hath worn her teeth away?

313. On Gallants cloaks.

Without, plain cloaks; within, plush't: but I doubt The wearer's worst within, and best without.

314. On Banks the Vserer.

Banks feels no lamenesse on his knotty Gout, His money travels for him in and out:

••nd though the soundest legs goe every day, ••e toils to be a•• Hell as soon as they.

315. Pecunia praevalens.

••ell Tom of Plato's worth or Aristotles; ••ang't, give him wealth enough; let wit stop bot∣tles.

316. On the same.

••om vow'd to beat his boy against the wall, ••nd as he struck he forthwith caught a fall: ••he boy deriding, said, I doe aver, ••'have done a thing, you cannot stand to sir.

317. On Debt.

To be indebted is a shame men say, Then 'tis confessing of a shame to pay.

318. A forsworn Maid.

••osa being false and perjur'd, once a friend ••id me contented be, and mark her end: But yet I care not, let my friend goe fiddle; ••et him mark her end, I'l mark her middle.

319. Adversity.

••ove is maintain'd by wealth, when all is spent, Adversity then breeds the discontent.

320. On Soranzo.

Soranzo's broad-brim hat I oft compare To the vast compasse of the heavenly sphere:

His head, the Earth's glo••••, fixed under it; Whose center is, his wondrous little wit.

321. To a great Guest.

With other Friends I bid you to my Feast, Though coming late, yet are you not the least.

322. In Cottam.

Cotta when he hath din'd saith, God be praisd, Yet never praiseth God for meat or drink: Sith Cotta speaketh, and not practiseth, He speaketh surely what he doth not think.

323. De Corde & Lingua.

The tongue was once a Servant to the heart, And what it gave she freely did impart: But now hypocrisie is grown so strong, She makes the heart a servant to the tongue.

324. On Rumpe.

Rump is a Turn-spit, yet he seldome can Steale a swolne sop out of the dripping-pan.

325. On Poverty.

If thou be poor, thou shalt be ever so, None now do wealth, but on the rich bestow.

326. In Ebriosum.

Fie man (saith she) but I tell Mistrisse Anne, Her drunken Husband is no drunken man.

For those wits which are overcome with drink, Are voyd of reason, and are Beasts I think.

327. Wills error.

Will sayes his wife's so fat, she scarce can go, But she as nimbly answers, Faith Si•• no: Alas good Will, thou art mistaken quite, For all men know, that she is wondrous light.

328. On Rome.

Hate and debate, Rome through the world hath spread, Yet Roma, amor is, if backward read: Then is't not strange, Rome hate should foster? no, For out of backward love all hate doth grow.

329. On Tuck.

At Post and Paire, or Slam, Tom Tuck would play This Christmasse, but his want therewith, says nay.

330. Some thing no savour.

All things have savour, though some but small; Nay, a box on th'eare, hath no smell at all.

331. Art, Fortune, and Ignorance.

When Fortune fell asleep, and hate did blind her, Art, Fortune lost; and Ignorance did find her: Sith when, dull Ignorance with Fortunes store, Hath been inrich'd, and Art hath still been poor.

332. On Bibens.

Bibens to shew his liberality, Made Lusus drunk; (a noble quality, And much esteem'd) which Bibens faln would pro•••• To be the signe of his familiar love: Lusus beware, thou'lt finde him in the end, Familiar Devil, no familiar friend.

333. On Tobacco.

Things which are common, common men do us•• The better shrt doe common things refuse: Yet Countries-cloth-breech, & Court-velvet-hose Puffe both alike Tobacco through the nose.

334. On Cupid.

Cupid no wonder was not cloth'd of old, For love though naked, seldome e'r is cold.

335. On Ebrio.

See where Don Ebrio, like a Dutchman goes, Yet drunk with English Ale, one would suppose That he would shoulder down each door & wall, But they must stand, or he, poor fool must fall.

336. On Love.

Love hath two divers wings, as lovers say: Thou following him, with one he flyes away;

With th'other, if thou fly he follows thee: Therefore the Last, Love, onely use for me.

337. On the same.

Love, as 'tis said, doth work with such strange tools, That he can make fools wise-men, wise-men fools, Then happy I, for being nor fool, nor wise, Love with his toyes and tools I shall despise.

338. On a Woman.

Some the word Woman fetch, though with small skil, From those that want one to effect their wil If so, I think that wantons there are none, For till the world want men, can they want none.

339. Ingluviem sequitur fames.

Curio would feed upon the daintiest fare, That with the Court or Country might compare: For what lets Curio that he need to care, To frolick freely with the proud'st that dare: But this excesse was such in all things rare, As he prov'd bankrupt e'r he was aware.

340. On Maulsters.

Such Maulsters as ill measure sell for gain, Are not meer knaves, but also knaves in grain.

341. In Corbum.

Corbus will not, perswade him all I can, The world should take him for a Gentleman: His reason's this, because men should not deem, That he is such as he doth never seem.

342. On Priscus Mistresse.

Priscus commends his Mistris for a Girle, Whose lips be rubies, and whose teeth are pearle▪ Th'had need prove so, or else it will be found, He payes too door; they cost him many a pound▪

343. On Women.

Women think wo—men far more constant be, Than we—men, and the letter O we see, In wo—men, not in we—men, as they say, Figures earths constant Orbe; we—men say nay It means the Moon, which proves (none think i•• strang•• Women are cōstant, & most true in change.

344. On Souldiers.

Nor faith, nor conscience common soldiers carry▪ Best pay, is right; their hands are mercenary.

345. Drusius and Furio.

Furio would fight with Drusius in the field, Because the straw, stout Drusius would not yield,

On which their Mistris trod; they both did meet; Drusius in field fell dead at Furio's feet; One had the straw, but with it this Greek letter π The other lost it, pray who had the better?

346. On Cupid.

Love is a Boy, and subject to the rod Some say, but Lovers say he is a God: I think that love is neither god nor boy, But a mad brains imaginary toy.

347. On Candidus.

When I am sick, not else, thou com'st to see me, Would fortune from both torments still would free me.

348. On a Puritan.

From impure mouths, now many bear the name Of Puritan, yet merit not the same. This one shall onely be my Puritan That is a knave, yet seems an honest man.

349. Ostendit hedera vinum.

A scoffing mate, that past along Cheap-side, Incontinent a gallant lasse espide; Whose tempting Breasts (as to the sale laid out) Incites this youngster thus to 'gin to flout.

Lady (quoth he) is this flesh to be sould? No Lord (quoth she) for silver nor for gold, But wherefore aske you? (and there made a stop) To buy (quoth he) if not shut up your shop.

350. Quantum mutatus ab illo!

Pedes grown proud makes men admire thereat, Whose baser breeding, should they think not beare it, Nay, he on cock-horse rides, how like you that? Tut! Pedes proverb is, Win gold and weare it. But Pedes you have seen them rise in hast, That through their pride have broke their neck at last.

351. Vpon Lavina.

Lavina brought to bed, her husband lookes To know's childs fortune throughout his books, His neighbours think h'had need search backward rather, And learn for certain who had been the father.

352. Report and Error.

Error by Error, Tales by Tales, great grow; As Snow-balls doe, by rowling to and fro.

353. In Superbum.

Rustick Suerbus fine new cloths hath got, Of Taffata and velvet, fair in sight;

The shew of which hath so bewitcht the sot, That he thinks Gentlemen to be his right: But he's deceiv'd; for true that is of old, An Ape's an Ape, though he wear cloth of gold.

354. No truth in Wine.

Truth is in wine, but none can find it there, For in your Taverns, men will lye and sweare.

355. On Infidus.

Infidus was so free of Oaths last day, That he would swear, what e'r he thought to say: But now such is his chance, whereat he's griev'd The more he swears, the lesse he is believ'd.

356. On Celsus.

Celsus doth love himself, Celsus is wise, For now no Rivall e'r can claim his prize.

357. On Christmasse Ivy.

At Christmasse men doe alwayes Ivy get, And in each corner of the house it set: But why doe they, then, use that Bacchus weed? Because they mean, then Bacchus-like to feed.

358. Adversity.

Adversity hurts none, but onely such Whom whitest fortune dandled has too much.

359. On Bacchus.

Pot-lifting Bacchus to the earth did bend His knee to drink a health unto his friend: And there he did so long in liquour pour, That he lay quite sick-drunk upon the floor. Judge, was there not a drunkards kindnes shown, To drink his friend a health, and loose his own?

360. Of a fat man.

He's rich, that hath great in-comes by the year: Then that great belly'd man is rich, I'l swear: For sure his belly ne'r so big had bin, Had he not daily had great commings in.

361. A wished Cramp.

Some have the Cramp in legs, and hands, 'tis told, I wish't in my wifes tongue, when she doth scold.

362. Vindicta vim sequitur.

Nick being kick'd and spurr'd, pursues the Law, That doom'd the dammage at twice forty pence. Which, when the party w^ch had wrong'd him, saw; Thought 'twas too great a fine for such offence. Why then, quoth Nick, if I too much request, Thou maist at any time kick out the rest.

363. On Flaccus.

Flaccus being young, they said he was a Gull; Of his simplicity each mouth was full:

And pittying him, they'd say, the foolish Lad Would surely be deceived, of all he had. His youth is past, now may they turn him loose; For why? the gull is grown to be a Goose.

364. Per plumas anser.

See how young Rusus walks in green each day, As if he ne'r was youthfull until now: Ere Christmas next, his green Goose will be gray, And those high burnish'd plumes in's cap wil bow: But you do wrong him, since his purse is full, To call him Goose, that is so young a Gull.

365. Of Ienkin.

Ienkin is a rude Clowne, goe tell him so; What need I tell, what he himself doth know? Perhaps he doth not, then he is a sot; For tell me, what knows he that knows it not?

365. On Trigg.

Trigg having turn'd his sute he struts in state, And tells the world he's now regenerate.

366. To Fortune.

Poets say Fortune's blind, and cannot see, And therefore to be born withall, if she Sometimes drops gifts on undeserving wights: But sure they are deceiv'd; she hath her sight;

Else could it not at all times so fall out, That fools should have, and wise men go with∣out.

367. On Briscus.

I pray you give Sir Briscus leave to speak, The Gander loves to hear himself to creak.

368. On an English Ape.

Would you believe, when you this Monsieur see, That his whole body should speak French, not he? That he untravell'd should be French so much, As French men in his company should seem Dutch? Or hung some Monsieurs picture on the wall; By which his damne conceiv'd him, cloaths & all? No, 'tis the new French Taylors motion, made Dayly to walk th'Exchange, and help the trade.

369. Possessions.

Those possessions short liv'd are Into the which we come by warre.

370. Nulla dies sine linea.

By ever learning, Solon waxed old, For time he knew, was better far then gold: Fortune would give him gold which would decay But Fortune cannot give him yesterday.

371. In Cornutum.

One told his wife, a Harts-head he had bought, To hang his hat upon, and home it brought: To whom his frugall wife, what need•• that care? I hope, sweet-heart, your head your hat can beare.

372. On More-dew.

More-dew the Mercer; with a kind salute, Would needs intreat my custome for a suite: Here Sir, quoth he, for Sattins, Velvets call, What e'r you please, I'l take your word for all. I thank'd, took, gave my word; say than, Am I at all indebted to this man?

373. Pari jugo dulcis tractus.

When Caecus had bin wedded now three dayes, And all his neighbours bad God give him joy, This strange conclusion with his wife assayes, Why til her marriage-day she prov'd so coy: 'Fore God (saith he) 'twas well thou didst not yeild For doubtless then my purpose was to leave thee. Oh Sir (quoth she) I once was so beguild, And thought the next man should not so deceive me. Now fie upon't (quo••h he) thou breedst my wo. Why man (quoth she) I speak but quid pro quo.

374. On Sims mariage.

Six months, quoth Sim, a Suiter, and not sped? I in a sev'n-night did both woo and wed Who green fruit loves, must take long paines to shake; Thine was some down-fall, I dare undertake.

375. Vpon Sis.

Si•• brags sh'hath beauty, and will prove the same: As how? as thus Sir; 'tis her Puppies name.

376. On Clym.

Clym cals his wife, and reckoning all his neighbors, Just half of them are Cuckolds, he avers. Nay sie, quoth she, I would they heard you speak; You of your self, it seems, no reckoning make.

377. On Gut.

Science puffs up, sayes Gut, when either Pease Make him thus swell, or windy Cabbages.

378. On Womens faults.

We men in many faults abound, But two in women can be found: The worst that from their Sex proceeds, Is naught in words, and naught in deeds.

379. To a Muck-worm.

Content great riches is, to make which true, Your Heir would be content to bury you.

380. On Law.

Our Civil Law doth seem a Royall thing, It hath more titles then the Spanish King: But yet the Common-Law quite puts it down, In getting, like the Pope, so many a Crown.

381. In Coam.

A nor ☊ will Coa espy, Til she ascend up to the corner'd π

382. Maids Nay's.

Mayds Nayes are nothing, they are shy But to desire what they deny.

383. De Ore.

Os of O, a Mouth, Scaliger doth make; And from this letter, Mouth his name doth take: And I had been of Scaligers belief, But that I look'd in O, and saw no Teeth.

384. In Hugonem.

Though praise, and please, doth Hugo never none, Yet praise, and please, doth Hugo ever one; For praise, and please, doth Hugo himselfe alone.

385. On Severus.

Severus is extream in eloquence, For he creates rare phrase, but rarer sense:

Unto his Serving-man, alias his Boy, He utters speech exceeding quaint and coy; Diminutive, and my defective slave, My pleasures pleasure is, that I must have My Corps Coverture, and immediately, T'insconce my person from frigility. His Man believ's all's Welsh his Master spoke, Til he rails English, Rogue go fetch my Cloke.

386. On Iulias weeping.

She by the River sate, and sitting there, She wept, and made it deeper by a teare.

387. On a Gallant.

What Gallant's that, whose Oaths fly through mine ears? How like a Lord of Pluto's Court he swears! How Dutchman-like he swallowes down his drink! How sweet he takes Tobacco til he stink! How lofty sprighted he disdains a Boor! How faithfull hearted he is to a —! How Cock-tail proud he doth himself advance! How rare his spurs do ring the Morrice-dance! Now I protest by Mistris Susans Fan, He and his boy will make a proper man.

388. On Vertue, Milla's Maid.

Saith Aristotle, Vertue ought to be Communicative of her self & free; And hath not Vertue, Milla's maid, been so? Who's grown hereby, as big as she can go.

389. On Corydon.

An home-spun Peasant with his Urine-glasse, The Doctor ask'd what Country-man he was. Quoth Corydon, with making legs full low, Your worship, that, shall by my water know.

390. On a Spanish Souldier.

A Spanish Souldier, sick unto the death, His Pistol to's Physitian did bequeath. Who did demand, what should the reason be, 'Bove other things to give him that; (quoth he) This with your practice joyned, you may kill, Sir, all alive, and have the world at will.

391. Vpon the Asse.

The Asse a Courtier on a time would be, And travel'd forrain Nations for to see; But home returned, fashion he could none, His main and tail were onely larger grown.

392. On Hypocrisie.

As Venison in a poor mans Kitchin's rare; So Hypocrites and Usurers in Heaven are.

393. Daemonum certamen.

A Broker and an Usurer contended, Which in's profession was the most befriended; And for experience more to have it tride, A Scrivener must the difference decide, To whom (quoth he) you like the Fox & Cub, One shall be Mammon, th'other Belzebub.

394. On Love.

Love's of it selfe too sweet; the b••st of all Is; when Loves honey has a dash of gall.

395. On Man and Woman.

When Man and Woman dyes, as Poets sung; His Heart's the last that stirs, of hers the Tongue.

396. On Fabullus.

I ask'd Fabullus, why he had no wife? (Quoth he) because I'd live a quiet life.

397. On Fornus.

Fornus takes pains, he need not without doubt, O yes, he labours much. How? with the Gout.

398. Quid non ebrietas.

Rubin reports, his Mistris is a Punk: Which being told her, was no whit dismaid, For sure as death (quoth she) the Villains drunk▪

And in that taking, knows not what he said. 'Twas well excus'd, but oft it comes to passe, That true we find, In vino veritas.

399. No Paines, no Gaines.

If little labour, little are our gaines, Mans fortunes are according to his pains.

400. Infirmis animosus.

Pontus by no means from his coyn departs, Z'foot, will you have of men more then their hearts?

401. A culina ad curiam.

Lixa, that long a Serving-groom hath been, Will now no more the man be known or seen: And reason good, he hath the place resign'd; Witnesse his cloak, throughout with Velvet lin'd, Which by a Paradox comes thus to passe; The greasie Gull is turn'd a gallant asse.

402. Frustra vocaveris heri.

Dick had but two words to maintain him ever, And that was Stand, and after stand Deliver. But Dick's in Newgate, and he fears shall never Be blest again with that sweet word, Deliver.

403. Magnis non est morandum.

See how Silenus walks accomplished, With due performance of his fathers page:

Looks back of purpose to be honoured, And on each slight occasion 'gins to rage; You, villain, dog, where hath your stay bin such? Quoth he, the Broker would not lend so much.

404. Puduit sua damna referre.

Such ill successe had Dick at Dice last night, As he was forc'd, next day, play least in sight: But if you love him, make thereof no speeches, He lost his Rapier, Cloak, and Velvet Breeches.

405. Ad Lectorem.

Reader, thou seest how pale these papers look, While they fear thy hard censure on my Book.

406. Nimis docuit consuetudo.

Old Fucus board is oft replenished, But nought thereof must be diminished, Unlesse some worthlesse upper-dish or twain; The rest for service still again remain. His man that us'd to bring them in for show, Leaving a dish upon the bench below, Was by his Master (much offended) blam'd, Which he, as brief, with answer quickly fram'd; T'hath been so often brought afore this day, As now ch'ad thoft it selfe had known the way.

407. Poculo junguntur amici.

A health, saith Lucas, to his Loves bright ey; Which not to pledge, were much indignity; You cannot doe him greater courtesie, Then to be drunk, and dam'd for company.

408. Nullum stimulum ignaris.

Caecus awake, was tol'd the Sun appear'd, Which had the darknesse of the morning clear'd: But Caecus sluggish, thereto makes reply, The Sun hath further far to goe then I.

409. In Richardum.

At three goe-downs Dick doffs me off a pot, The English Gutter's Latine for his throat.

410. Non penna, sed usus.

Cajus accounts himself accurst of men, Onely because his Lady loves him not: Who, till he taught her, could not hold her pen, And yet hath since, another Tutor got. Cajus it seems, Thy skill she did but cheapen, And means to try him at another weapon.

411. An absolute Gallant.

If you will see true valour here display'd, Heare Poly-phemus, and be not afraid.

D'ye see me wrong'd, and will ye thus restrain me? Sir let me go, for by these hilts I'l brain ye. Shall a base patch with appearance wrong me? I'l kill the villain, pray do not prolong me. Call my Tobacco putrified stuffe? Tell me it stinks? say it is drosse I snuffe! Sirrah! what are you? why Sir, what would you? I am a Prentice, and will knock you too: O are you so? I cry you mercy then, I am to fight with none but Gentlemen.

412. To Momus.

Momus thou say'st my Verses are but toyes: 'Tis true, yet truth is often spoke by boyes.

413. In Dolentem.

Dolens doth shew his purse, and tell you this, It is more horrid then a Pest-house is; For in a Pest-house many mortals enter, But in his purse one Angel dares not venter.

414. Abditio perditio.

From Mall but merry, men but mirth derive, For trix 'tis makes her prove demonstrative.

415. On a Gallant.

Sirrah, come hither, boy, take view of me, My Lady I am purpos'd to goe see;

What doth my Feather flourish with a grace? And this my curled hair become my face? How decent doth my Doublet's form appear? I would I had my Sute in Long-lane here. Do not my spurs pronounce a silver sound? Is not my hose-circumference profound? Sir these be well, but there is one thing ill, Your Taylor with a sheet of Paper-bill, Vowes hee'l be paid, and Sergeants he hath fee'd, Which wait your coming forth to do the deed. Boy God-a-mercy, let my Lady stay, I'll see no Counter for her sake to day.

416. In Sextum.

Sextus six pockets wears, two for his uses, The other four to pocket up abuses.

417. A Stammerer.

Balbus with other men would angry be, Because they could not speak as well as he; For others speak but with their mouth he knows, But Balbus speaks both through the mouth & nose.

418. On himselfe.

I dislikt but even now; Now I love I know not how. Was I idle, and that while Was I fired with a smile?

Ile to work, or pray, and then I shall quite dislike agen.

419. Tom's fortune.

Tom tel's he's rob'd, and counting all his losses, Concludes, all's gone, the world is full of crosses: If all be gone, Tom take this comfort then, Th'art certain never to have crosse agen.

420. Opus and Vsus.

Opus for need consum'd his wealth apace, And ne'r would cease untill he was undone; His brother Vsus liv'd in better case Than Opus did, although the eldest son. 'Tis strange it should be so, yet here was it, Opus had all the Land, Vsus the Wit.

421. A good Wife.

A Batchelor would have a Wife were wise, Fair, rich, and young, a maiden for his bed — Nor proud, nor churlish, but of faultlesse size; A Country houswife in the City bred. But he's a fool, and long in vain hath staid; He should bespeak her, there's none ready made.

422. Anger.

Wrong•• if neglected, vanish in short time; But heard with anger, we confesse the crime.

423. Vpon Gellia.

When Gellia went to school, and was a Girle; Her teeth for whitenes might compare with pearle But after she the taste of sweet meats knew, They turn'd all Opals, to a perfect blew; Now Gellia takes Tobacco, what should let, But last they should converted be to jet?

424. On an unconstant Mistresse.

I dare not much say when I thee commend, Lest thou be changed e'r my praises end.

425. In Lesbiam.

Why should I love thee Lesbia? I no reason see: Then out of reason, Lesbia, I love thee.

426. In Paulinum.

Paul by day wrongs me, yet he daily swears, He wisheth me as well as to his soul: I know his drift to damn that he nought cares, To please his body, therefore good friend Paul, If thy kinde nature will afford me grace, Hereafter love me in thy body's place.

427. On Zeno.

Zeno would fain th'old widow Egle have; Trust me he's wise, for she is rich and brave:

But Zeno, Zeno, she will none of you; In my mind she's the wiser of the two.

428. Of a Drunkard.

Cinna one time most wonderfully swore, That whilst he breath'd he would drink no more▪ But since I know his meaning, for I think He meant he would not breath whilst he did drink.

429. To Cotta.

Be not wroth Cotta, that I not salute thee, I us'd it whilst I worthy did repute thee; Now thou art made a painted Saint, and I, Cotta, will not commit Idolatry.

430. To Women.

Ye that have beauty, and withall no pitty, Are like a prick-song lesson without ditty

431. On Creta.

Creta doth love her husband wondrous well, It needs no proof, for every one can tell: So strong's her love, that if I not mistake, It doth extend to others for his sake.

432. On Priscus.

Why still doth Priscus strive to have the wall? Because he's often drunk and fears to fall.

433. On Rufus.

At all, quoth Rufus, lay you what you dare, I'l throw at all, and 'twere a peck of gold; No life lies on't, then coyn I'l never spare; Why Rufus, that's the cause of all that's sold? For with frank Gamesters it doth oft befall, They throw at all, till thrown quite out of all.

434. On Tobacco.

Tobacco is a weed of so great pow'r, That it (like earth) doth all it feeds, devour.

435. Vpon Nasuto.

When at the Table once I did averre, Well-taken discord, best did please the ear, And would be judg'd by any Q••irister, Were in the Chappel, Pauls, or Westminster; Nasuto sitting at the nether end, (First having drunk and cough'd) quoth he my friend, If that were true, my wife and I, I feare, Should soon be sent to some Cathedral Q••ire.

436. Nec vultus indicat virum.

Dick in a raging deep discourtesy, Calls an Atturny meer Necessity: The more knave he; admit he had no Law, Must he be flouted at by every Daw?

437. On Furius.

Furius a lover was, and had loving fits, He lov'd so madly that he lost his wits; Yet he lost nought, yet grant I, he was mad, How could he lose that which he never had?

438. Fools Fortune.

Fools have great fortune, but yet not all, For some are great fools, whose fortune's small.

439. Tace sed age.

Little or nothing said, soon mended is, But they that nothing do, do most amisse.

440. On Count-surly.

Count-surly will no Scholler entertain: Or any wiser then himself; how so? The reason is, when fools are in his train, His wit amongst them, makes a goodly show.

441. On Women.

When man lay dead-like, woman took her life, From a crook't embleme of her nuptiall strife; And hence (a•• bones would be at rest) her ease She loves so well, and is so hard to please.

442. Verses.

Who will not honour noble Numbers, when Verses out-live the bravest deeds of men?

443. Poor Irus.

Irus using to lye upon the ground, One morning under him a feather found, Have I all night here lien so hard (quoth he) Having but one poor feather under me: I wonder much then how they take their ease, That night by night, lie on a bed of these.

444. Merry Doll.

I blame not lusty Doll, that strives so much, To keep her light heart free from sorrowes touch; Shee'l dance and sing a hem boyes, hey all six, She's steel to th'back, all mirth, all meretrix.

445. Heaven and Hell.

I•• Heaven's call'd the place where Angels dwell, My purse wants Angels, pray call that Hell.

446. Like qu••stion like answer.

A young beginner walking through Cheap-side, A house shut up he presently espy'd And read the Bill, which o'r the door was set, Which said, the house and shop was to be let;

That known, he ask'd a young man presently, Which at the next door stood demurely. May not this shop be let alone? qoth he, Yes, you may let't alone for ought I see.

447. On deaf Ioan.

She prates to others, yet can nothing heare, Just like a sounding Jugge that wants an eare.

448. Of an ill wife.

Priscus was weeping when his wife did dye, Yet he was then in better case then I: I should be merry, and should think to thrive, Had I but his dead wife for mine alive.

449. Meum & Tuum.

Megge lets her husband boast of rule and riches, But she rules all the roast, and wears the breeches.

450. Deaths trade.

Death is a Fisherman, the world we see His Fish-pond is, and we the Fishes be. He sometimes, Angler-like, doth with us play, And slily takes us one by one away; Diseases are the murthering-books, which he Doth catch us with, the bait mortality,

Which we poor silly fish devour, til strook, At last too late we feel the bitter hook. At other times he brings his net, and then At once sweeps up whole Cities ful of men, Drawing up thousands at a draught, and saves Onely some few, to make the others graves: His Net some raging pestilence; now he Is not so kind as other Fishers be; For if they take one of the smaller ••rye, They throw him in again, he shall not dye: But death is sure to kill all he can get, And all is Fish with him that comes to Net.

451. O•• Bice.

Bice laughs when no man speak••, and doth protest It is his own breech there that break•• the jest.

452. Valiant in drinke.

Who onely in his Cups will ••ight, is like A clock that must be oil'd wel ere it strike.

453. Master and Scholler.

A Pedant ask'd a Puny ripe and bold, In an hard frost, the Latine word for cold: I'l tell you out of hand, (quoth he) for lo, I have it at my fingers ends, you know.

454. Gasters great belly.

Gaster did seem to me to want his eyes, For he could neither see his legs nor thighs; But yet it was not so; he had his sight, Onely his belly hanged in his light.

455. Drunken Dick.

When Dick for want of drunken mates grows sick, Then with himself to work goes faithfull Dick. The buttery dore t'himself he shutteth close That done, then goes the pot straight wayes to's nose: A health (quoth noble Dick) each hogs-head than Must seeming pledge this honest faithfull man: But straight from kindnes Dick to humors grows, And then to th'barrels he his valour shows, Throwing about the cups, the pots, the glasses, And rails at the tuns, calling them drunken asses: Ne'r ceasing this same faithfull coyl to keep, Till under th'hogshead Dick fals fast asleep.

456. In Sextinum.

A pretty block Sextinus names his Hat, So much the fitter for his head by that.

457. Sine sanguine.

Ralph challeng'd Robin, time and place appointed, Their Parents heard on't, O how they lamented!

But good luck was, they soon were freed of fear, The one ne'r meant, the other came not there.

458. On humane Bodies.

Our bodies are like shooes, which off we cast, Physick their Cobler is, and death the Last.

459. On Trencherman.

Tom shifts the Trenchers, yet he never can, Endure that luke-warm name of Servingman; Serve or not serve, let Tom doe what he can, He is a serving, who's a Trencher-man.

460. A Toothlesse-pratler.

Nature the teeth doth as an hedge ordain, The nimble frisking tongue for to contain: No marvel then since that the hedge is out, If Fuscus tongue walketh so fast about.

461. A musicall Lady.

A Lady fairer far then fortunate, (In dancing) thus o'r-shot her self of late, The Musick not in tune, pleasd not her mind, For which he with the Fidlers fault did find; Fidlers (quoth she) your Fiddles tune for shame▪ But as she was a speaking of the same, To mend the consort, let she did a (F.)

Whereas the fidling knaves thus did her greet, Madam your pipe's in tune, it plays most sweet; Strike up, qd. they, (but then the knaves did smile) And as you p••p••, wee'l dance another while. At which, away the blushing Lady flings, But as she goes, her former notes she sings.

462. In Laurettam.

Lauretta is laid o'r, how I'l not say, And yet I think two manner of wayes I may, Doubly laid o'r, videlicet, her face, Laid o'r with colours, and her coat with lace.

463. On Macer.

You call my verses toy's, th'are so, 'tis true, Yet they are better then ought comes from you.

464. Briskap the Gallant.

Though thou hast little judgement in thy head, More than to dresse thee, drink and goe to bed; Yet may'st thou take the wall, & th'way shalt lead, Sith Logick wills that simple things precede.

465. Necessity hath no Law.

Florus did beat his Cook, and 'gan to sweaee, Because his meat was rotten roasted there. Peace good Sir (quoth the Cook) Need hath no Law, 'Tis rotten roasted, 'cause 'twas rotten raw.

466. In Carientium.

Garentius might have wedded where he woo'd, But he was poor, his means was nothing good, 'Twas but for lack of living that he lost her; For why? no penny now, no Pater noster.

467. On Harpax.

Harpax gave to the poor all by his will, Because his heir should not faign'd tears distill.

468. To a Barber.

Tonsorius onely lives by cutting haire, And yet he brags that Kings to him sit bare: Me thinks he should not brag and boast of it, For he must stand to beggars while they sit.

469. Vpon Grand••orto.

The morrow after just Saint Georges day, Grand••orto piteous drunk, sate in a ditch, His hands by's side, his gelding stray'd away, His scarlet hose, and doublet very rich; With mud and mire all beastly raid, and by His feather with his close-stool-hat did ly. We ask'd the reason of his sitting there, Zounds 'cause I am King Solomon (quoth he) And in my Throne; then for the Love we beare, (Replyed my selfe) unto your Majesty,

Wee'l pull you out, & henceforth wish your grace Would speak your Proverbs in a warmer place.

470. The Fencer and Physick Doctor.

Lie thus (the Fencer cryes) thus must you guard, Thus must you slip, thus point, thus pass, thus ward And if you kill him Sir, this trick learn then With this same trick you may kill many men. A Doctor standing by, cryes, Fencing fool, Both you & he to me may come to school, Thou dost but prate: my deeds shall show my skil Where thou hurt'st one, an hundred I doe kill.

471. In Lusiam.

Lusia who scorns all others imitations, Cannot abide to be out-gone in fashions: She sayes she cannot have a hat or ruffe, A gown, a peticoat, a band, or cuffe. But that these Citizens (whom she doth hate) Will get into't, at ne'r so dear a rate: But Lusia now doth such a fashion wear, Whose hair is curl'd, and costs her som what dear: That there's no Citizen, what e'r she be, Can be transform'd so like an Owl as she.

472. Kisses.

Give the food that satisfies a Guest: Kisses are but dry banquets to a feast

473. A Civilian.

A lusty old grown-grave gray-headed Sire, Stole to a wench, to quench his lusts desire; She ask'd him what profession he might be? I am a Civil Lawyer, Girle, (quoth he) A Civil Lawyer Sir! you make me muse, Your talk's too broad for Civil men to use; If Civil Lawyers are such bawdy men, Oh what (quoth she) are other Lawyers then?

474. Rainaldo, and Rainer.

Rainaldo meeting Reiner in the street, Deep in his debt, he doth thus Reiner greet, You know some money is betwixt us two, That well-nigh now these ten years hath bin due; Quoth Reiner (looking down unto his feet) I'••aith and we will part it, if I see't: But as I live Rainaldo I find none, As fain as you, I would you had your owne.

475. Spinus his choyce.

Spinus would wed, but he would have a wench That hath all tongues, Italian, Spanish, French, But I disswade him; for if she hath any, She hath enough; if two, she hath too too many.

476. Backbiters.

When Codrus catches fleas, what e'r he ailes, He kils them with his teeth, not his nails; Saying, that man by man may blamelesse go, If every one would use Backbiters so.

477. In Salonus.

Oft in the night Salonus is inclin'd, To rise and pisse; and doth as oft break wind▪ If's Urinall be glasse, as 'tis no doubt, I wonder it so many cracks holds out.

478. In Leonatum.

The filthiest, the fowlest, deformedst lasse, That is, will be, I think or ever was, Leonatus loves; wherewith should she him draw, Except as she's like jet, he be like straw?

479. Nosce teipsum.

Walking and meeting one not long ago, I ask't who 'twas, he said he did not know: I said, I know thee; so said he, I you, But he that knows himselfe I never knew.

480. An Old Silvium.

Silvius by Simony a living got, And he liv'd well upon it; pray why not?

For he the poor did pill, the rich did lurch, And so became a pillar of the Church.

481. On Perfumes.

They that smel least, smell best: which intimates, They smell like Beasts that smell like Civet Cats.

482. Arcades ambo.

Iack and Dick both with one woman dealt So long till she the pains of woman felt: Now Dick he thinks to put a trick on Iack And Iack again to hang it on Dicks back: Which got the Child, it seems a double case, I•• hath so like (they say) Iacks nose, Dicks face. But by both marks my judgement should be quick, Et vitulo tu dignus Iack & Dick.

483. On Punchin.

Give me a reason why men call Punchin a dry plant-Animall. Because as plants by water grow, Punchin by Beer & Ale spreads so.

484. Ne fide colori.

When Bassa walks abroad she paints her face, And then she would be seen in every place, For then your Gallants who so e'r they are, Under a colour will account her faire.

485. In Flavium.

When Flavius once would needs praise Tin, His brain could b••ing no reason in; But what his belly did bethink, Platters for meat, and Pots for drink.

486. Ad Quintum.

Thy lawfull wife, fair Lelia needs must be, For she was forc'd by Law to marry thee.

487. In Virtutem.

Vertue we praise, but practice not her good, (Athenian-like) we act not what we know▪ So many men doe talk of Robin-Hood, Who never yet shot arrow in his bow.

488. A good wits diet.

That which upholds our tottering walls of flesh, Is food: and that which doth our wits refresh, Is wholsome study: for like longer fare, Be solid Arts, but sweet meats Poems are.

489. On Womens tongue.

Things that be bitter, bitterer than gall, Physitians say, are alwayes Physicall.

Then womens tongues, if into powder beaten, And in a Potion, or a pill be eaten, Nothing more bitter is, I therefore muse, That womens tongues in Physick they ne'r use: There's many men who live unquiet lives, Would spare that bitter member of their wives. Then prove them Doctor, use them in a pill; Things oft help sick men, that do sound men kill.

490. A proper comparison.

As there are three blue beans in a blue bladder, As there are thrice three rounds in a long ladder, As there are three nooks in a corner'd cap, And three corners and one in a Map, Even so like all these, There are three Universities.

491. Of Death.

He that fears death, or mourns it in the just, Shews of the resurrection little trust.

492. Woman.

Woman was once a rib, (as truth hath said) Else sith her tongue runs wide from every point, I should have dream'd her substance had bin made Of Adams whirle-bone, when 'twas out of joynt.

493. Pepertit, &c.

Nels Husband said, she brought him nought but toys, But yet (without his help) she brings him boys.

494. Insipiens.

Two friends discoursing that together stood, The one enquiring if the other could Tell whether such a man were wise? He answer'd no, but he is otherwise.

495. Romes wifelesse Clergy.

Long did I wonder, and I wonder'd much, Rome should her Clergy that contentment grudge As to debar them of their proper due; What, doth she all with continence indue? O no; they find a womans lips so dainty, They'l tye themselves from one, 'cause they'l have twenty.

496. On Eves Apples.

Eve for thy fruit thou gav'st too dear a price, What? for an Apple give a Paradise? If now adayes of fruit such gaines were made, A Coster-monger were a Devilish trade.

497.

Will the Perfumer met me in the street, I stood amaz'd, he ask'd me what I meant;

In faith, said I, your Gloves are very sweet, And yet your breath doth cast a stronger sent:

498. Beauty.

Beauty's no other but a lovely grace, Of lively colours, flowing from the face.

499. On Poeticall Blinks.

He nine wayes looks, and needs must learned be, That all the Muses at one view can see.

500. A Conceit.

As Sextus once was opening of a Nut, With a sharpe knife his finger deeply cut, What signe is this, quoth he, can any tell? 'Tis sign, quoth one, y'have cut your finger well. Not so, saith he, for now my finger's sore, And I am sure that it was well before.

501. Women.

Howsoe'r they be, thus doe they seem to me, They be and seem not, seem what least they be:

502. Mutuans Dissimulans.

Dick crafty borrows to no other end, But that he will not ought to others lend, That else might ask him: 'Tis some wisedome Dick How ere, accounted but a knavish trick.

503. Writing.

When words we want, love teacheth to indite; And what we blush to speak, she bids us write.

504. A cure for Impatience.

Who would be patient, wait he at the Pool, For Bull-heads, or for Block-heads in the School.

505. Satisfaction.

For all our works, a recompence is sure: 'Tis sweet to think on what was hard t'endure.

506. To Mistris mutable.

Love runs within your veins, as it were mixt With Quick-silver, but would be wisely fixt: For though you may for beauty bear the Bell, Yet ever to ring Changes sounds not well.

507. On a Mad-man.

One ask'd a man-man, if a wife he had? A wife! quoth he, I never was so mad.

508. To Scilla.

If it be true that promise be a debt, Then Scilla will her freedom hardly get; For if she hath vow'd her service to so many, She'l neither pay them all, nor part from any.

Yet she to satisfie her debts, desires To yeeld her body, as the Law requires.

509. Nescis, quid serus vesper vehat.

Lyn••us deviseth as he lyes in bed, What new apparrell he were best to make him: So many fashions flow within his head, As much he fears the Taylor will mistake him: But he mistook him not, that by the way Did for his old suit lay him up that day.

510. To Ficus.

Ficus hath lost his nose, but knows not how, And that seems strange to ev'ry one that knows it: Me thinks I see it written in his brow, How, wherefore, and the cause that he did loose it. To tell you true, Ficus, I thus suppose, 'Twas some French Caniball bit off your nose.

511. On a painted Curtezan.

Whosoever saith thou sellest all, doth jest, Thou buy'st thy beauty, that sels all the rest

512. Of Arnaldo.

Arnaldo free from fault, demands his wife, Why he is burthen'd with her wicked life? Quoth she, good husband doe not now repent, I far more burthens bear, yet am content.

513. Labor improbus omnia vincit.

Glogo will needs be knighted for his lands, Got by the labour of his fathers hands, And hopes to prove a Gentleman of note, For he hath bought himself a painted coat.

514. Quis nisi mentis inops—

Ware proffer'd stinks; yet stay good Proverb, stay, Thou art deceiv'd, as Clients best can say; Who proferring trebble fees, for single care, It's well accepted, gold it is such ware.

515. On a friend indeed.

A reall friend a Cannon cannot batter; With nom'nall friends, a Squib's a perilous mat∣ter,

516. On an Italian Proverb.

Three women met upon the Market day, Do make a Market, (they do use to say In Italy) and why? their tongues do walk As loud, as if an hundred men did talk. One hearing this, swore had his wife been there And made a fourth, there might have been a Faire.

517. Mans ingresse and egresse.

Nature, which head-long into life did throng us, With our feet forwards to our grave doth bring us

What is lesse ours, then this our borrow'd breath? We stumble into life, we goe to death.

518. On bad Debtors.

Bad debtors are good lyers; for they say, I'l pay you without faile, on such a day; Come is the day, to come the debt is still, So still they lye, though stand in debt they will. But Fulcus hath so oft ly'd in this wise, That now he lyes in Ludgate for his lyes.

519. On a Iustasse.

A Iustice walking o'r the frozen Thames, The Ice about him round, began to crack; He said to's man, here is some danger, Iames, I pray thee help me over on thy back.

520. Genitoris nesciens.

Tom asks no fathers blessing, if you note him, And wiser he, unlesse he knew who got him.

521. To a sleeping Talker.

In sleep thou talk'st un-forethought mysteries, And utter'st un-foreseen things, with close eyes. How wel wouldst thou discourse if thou wert dead Since sleep, deaths image, such fine talk hath bred?

522. Omne simile non est idem.

Together as we walk'd, a friend of mine Mistook a painted Madam for a Signe, That in a window stood; but I acquainted, Told him it was no wooden sign was painted, But Madam Meretrix: yea, true, said he, Yet 'tis a little signe of modesty.

523. Tandem manifestum.

Katharine that hid those Candles out of sight, May well conceive they'l come at length to light.

524. Qui ebrius laudat temperantiam.

Severus likes not these unseason'd lines Of rude absurdities, times foul abuse, To all posterities, and their assignes, That might have been (saith he) to better use. What senslesse gull, but reason may convince, Or jade so dull, but being kick'd will wince?

525. Quantum mutatus ab illo.

Would any deem Manasses now the man, That whilome was not worth a wooden kan. Doubtlesse the Dunce in something doth surpasse, Yet his red nose is still the same it was.

526. On wisedome and vertue.

Wise-men are wiser than good-men, what then? 'Tis better to be wiser than wise men.

527. On Ducus.

Ducus keeps house, and it with reason stands, That he keep house, hath sold away his lands.

528. Mysus and Mopsa.

Mysus and Mopsa hardly could agree, Striving about superiority: The Text which saith that man and wife are one, Was the chief Argument they stood upon. She held, they both one woman should become: He held, they should be man, and both but one. So they contended daily, but the strife Could not be ended, till both were one wife.

529. On Photinus.

I met Photinus at the B— Court, Cited (as he said) by a Knave relator: I ask'd him, wherefore? he in laughing sort, Told me it was but for a Childish matter. How e're he laught it out, he lied not; Indeed 'twas childish, for the child he got.

530. On Castriotes.

See, see, what love is now betwixt each fist, Since Castriotes had a scabby wrist: How kindly they, by clawing one another, As if the left hand were the right hands brother!

531. New Rhetorique.

Good Arguments without coyn, will not stick; To pay, and not to say, 's best Rhetorick.

532. To some kinde Readers.

This Book of mine I liken to a glasse, Wherein the fool may look and laugh his fill: He having done with't Readers, as ye passe, Here take and use it, as long as you will.

533. Est mihi Divi parens.

Owinus wondreth, since he came from Wales, What the description of this Isle might be; That ne'r had seen but mountaines, hils, and dales, Yet would he stand and boast on's pedegree. From Rice ap Richard, sprung from Dick a Cow, Be cot, was right good gentleman, law ye now?

434. Principia sordida.

Bassus hath Lands good store, and leases Farms, Whose Mother, Milk-pails bore, e'r he bore arms.

535. On Thirsites.

Although Thirsites have a filthy face, And staring eyes, and little outward grace: Yet this he hath, to make amends for all, Nature her selfe, is not more naturall.

536. On Zoilus.

If Souldiers may obtain four Terms of war, Muskets should be the pleaders, Pikes the bar; For black bags, Bandeliers, Jackets for gowns, Angels for fees, we'll take no more crackt crowns.

537. On a long beard.

Thy beard is long, better it would thee fit, To have a shorter beard, and longer wit.

538. On my selfe.

Who seeks to please all men each way, And not himselfe offend; He may begin to work to day, But God knows when hee'l end.

539. Nimium ne crede colori.

Battas believed for a simple truth, That yonder gilt-spur spruce and Velvet youth, Was some great personage, or worthy weight, Untill one told him he was but a Knight.

A Knaight (quoth Battas) vaith I chud a zworne, A hod not bin lass then zome Gen-man borne.

540. Silens simplex.

Will would seem wise, and many words let passe, Speaking but little 'cause he's such an —

541. To the mis-interpreter.

Cease gaul'd back guilt, these inscious lines to mince, The world wil know y'are rub'd if once ye wince; They hem within their seeming Critique wall, Particularly none; generally all: 'Mongst which if you have chanc'd to catch a prick Cry we-hy if you will, but doe not kick.

542. To Mary Meare.

Meare, since unmixt, unmary'd, and a maid; Then you to be a Mearmaid may be said: A Mearmaid's flesh above, and fish below, And so may you be too, for ought I know.

543. Ad Rinaldum amic.

See, see, Rinaldus! Prethee who is that, That wears you great green feather in his Hat, Like to some Tilter? sure it is some Knight, Whose wits being green, his head must needs be light.

544. On himselfe.

Mirth pleaseth some, to others 'tis offence, Some commend plain conceit, some profound sence; Some wish a witty jest, some dislike that, And most would have themselves, they know not what. Then he that would please all, and himself too, Takes more in hand then he is like to doe.

545. Fingers end.

Philomathes once studying to indite, Nibled his fingers, and his nailes did bite: By this I know not what he did intend, Unlesse his wit lay at his fingers end.

546. Sapia qui vendit oportet.

Ianus doth jesting, use Equivocation, Which he alludes as doubtfull words of Art, To hide the colour of his Occupation, But to the Devil he bears an honest heart.

547. Clamans Asinus.

Who says Tom Tipstaffe is no man of calling? Can any Cryer at Sessions be more bawling?

548. Vpon Dunmo.

I Dunmo ask'd as we at Supper sate, How long he had liv'd in the maried state,

Sir, just (quoth Dunmo) with my wife I met In the great Plague time, I remember yet, And sighing, as he would have burst in twain, Said, now almost the thirtieth of her raign.

549. Vpon Tom Tolthams Nose.

The radiant colour of Tom Toltham's nose, Puts down the Lilly, and obscures the Rose; Had I a Jewell of such precious hew, I would present it to some Monarch's view, No subject should possesse such Jems as those, Ergo, the King must have Tom Toltham's nose.

550. Domina praedominans.

Ill may Rodolphos boast of rule or riches, That lets his wife rule him, and wear the breeches:

551. Titus the Gallant.

Brave Titus three years in the Town hath been, Yet not the Lyons, nor the Tombs hath seen; I cannot tell the cause without a smile, He hath bin in the Counter all this while.

552. In Lalum.

Lalus which loves to hear himselfe discourse, Talks to himselfe as if he frantick were, And though himself might no where hear a wors••, Yet he no other but himselfe will heare;

Stop not his mouth if he be troublesome, But stop his ears, and then the man is dumbe.

553. To Criticus.

Criticus about to kisse a Mayden throng, He hapned first on one whose nose was long; He flouting, said, I fain would kisse you Sweet, But that I fear our lips will never meet, Your nose stands out so far; the Maiden dy'd Her cheeks with Crimson, but soon thus reply'd, Pray sir, then kisse me in that place where I To hinder you, have neither nose nor eye.

554. Profundo Scientia.

Sal can by silence, deep profundity, Force you cry, fough! Ieronimo go by.

555. On two by Sea.

Two Youngsters going by Sea, th'one That ne'r before had been the Sea upon. Casts up; and as he heaves, he Bo doth cry; O said the other, Sir, y'are sick, ye'll dy. No (says the Sea-sick) though my stomack's loose, You see, I can cry Bo unto a Goose.

556. Vt pluma parsona.

Why wears Laurentius such a lofty feather? Because he's proud, and foolish both together.

557. Aurum volat ocius Euro.

Monsieur Flemingo fraught with Angels store, Would see fair London, never seen before: Where lodging with his Mistress but one night, Had (ere he parted) put them all to flight.

558. To Pontilianus.

Dogs on their Masters fawn and leap, And wag their tails apace; So, though the Flatt'rer want a taile, His tongue supplies the place.

559. Instabilis stans.

Mat being drunken, much his anger wreaks On's wife; but stands to nothing that he speaks.

560. On some Lawyers.

Law serves to keep disordered men in aw, But Aw preserves orders, and keeps the Law, Were Aw away L[aw]yers would lyers be For Lucre; which they have and hold in fee.

561. Health.

Even from my heart, much Health I wish, No Health I'll wash with drink, Health wish'd, not wash'd, in words, not wine, To be the best I think.

562. Case is altered.

Tom Case (some do report) was lately haltered; If this be true, why then the case is altered.

563. Quae placuit Domino nupta est Ancilla sodali.

Madam Rugosa knows not were to find One Chamber-maid of ten to please her mind. But yet my Lor•• so likes their comely carriage, As he prefers them to his men in marriage.

564. Plagis mitior.

Katharine that grew so curst, and fit for no man, With beating soon became a gentle-woman.

565. Priscus.

When Priscus raisd from low to high estate, Rode through the street in pompous jollity; Cajus his poor familiar friend of late, Bespake him thus, Sir now you know not me; 'Tis likely friend (quoth Priscus) to be so, For at this time my selfe I doe not know.

566. Anger soon appeased.

When Iohn Cornutus doth his wife reprove, For being false and faithlesse in her love,

His wife to smooth those wrinkles in his brow, Doth stop his mouth with, Iohn come kisse me now.

567. A foole for Company.

Fatuus will drink with no such Asse, That lets his jests (unapprehended) passe: Or if he jest with such of shallow brain, He laughs himselfe to make his jests more plain. Thus Fatuus doth jest and play ••he sany, To laugh at's self, hee's fool if there be any.

568. In Cineam.

When Cineas comes amongst his friends in mour∣ning, He slily notes, who first his cap doth move; Him he salutes, the rest so grimly scorning, As if for ever he had lost his love; I knowing how the humor it did fit Of the fond Gull to be saluted first, Catch at my Cap, but move it not a whit, Which he perceiving, seems with spight to burst. But Cineas, why expect you more of me▪ Then I of you? I am as good a man, And better too by many a quality: For vault, and dance, and fence, and rime I can: You keep a whore at your own charge, men tell me, Indeed friend Cineas, therein you excell we.

569. On Captain Sharke.

One ask'd a friend where Captain Shark did lye, Why sir (quoth he) at ADIV2ate, at the Pye; Away, quoth th'other, he lies not there I know't, No, sayes the other, then he lies in's throat.

570. A witty answer.

A lean, yet ••at Recusant being confin'd Unto a Justice house, whose wife was great, (Not great with child, but hugely great w^th meat) At supper thus began to grope his mind, To hoc est corpus what say you? she sed; Marry (quoth he) I say it is well feed.

571. Gossips discourse.

When Gillian and her Gossips all are met, And in the match of Gossiping down set, And plain Mass-Parson cutting bread for th'table To tell how fast they talk, my tongue's not able One tels strange news, th'other Godsworbet cries, The third shakes her head, alack replies, She on her Hens, this on her Ducks do talk, On thousand things at once their tongues do walk. So long as Cocks can tread, and Hens will lay, Gill, and Gills Gossips will have words to say.

572. Capa•• incapabilis.

Produs in's Office seem•• a simple Scribe, Yet hath he cunning learnt to take a Bribe.

573. A Parson and a Thief.

A lusty Parson riding on the way, Was by a Theef commanded for to stay; The Parson drew his sword, for well he durst, And quickly put his foe unto the worst. Sir (quoth the Theef) I by your habit see You are a Church-man, and debate should flee, You know 'tis written in the sacred word, Iesus to Peter said, Put up thy Sword: True (quoth the Parson) but withall then hear, Saint Peter first had cut off Malchus ear.

574. Similes habent labra lactucas.

Dick swash (or swaggering Dick) through Fleetstreet re••les, With Si•• & Brettice waiting at his heels: To one that would have tane the wall, he swore, Zounds, dost not see my Punck and Paramour?

575. A Souldiers jest.

One told told a Souldier sitting at the board, (And silent) that he had an edgelesse sword; Who straigh•• reply'd, Sir, I will do my best, To break your pate, though I ne'r break a jest.

576. Good Advice.

One to a Serving-man this Counsell sent, To get a Master that's intelligent; Then if of him no wages he could get, Yet he would understand he's in his debt.

577. Theeves.

Two Theeves by night began a lock to pick, One in the house awake, thus answer'd quick, Why, how now? what a s••ir you there doe keep? Goe, come again, we are not yet asleep.

578. Asse.

He that loves glasse without a G. Leave out L. and what is he?

579. Enecat amplexu nimio, sic simia foetum.

Call Davus knave, he straight-way draws his sword, And makes you prove as much, or eat your word. But if you call him honest Rogue, or Jew, He huggs you then for giving him his due.

580. To Festus.

Festus th'art old, and yet wouldst mary'd be: Ere thou doe so, this counsel take of me; Look into Lillies Grammar, there thou'lt find, Cornu a Horn, a word still Vndeclin'd.

581. A Gentleman and his Physitian.

A Gentleman not richest in discretion, Was alwayes sending for his own Physitian. And on a time, he needs would of him know, What was the cause his pulse did goe so slow? Why (quoth the Doctor) thus it comes to passe, T'must needs go slow, which goes upon an Asse.

582. On Saint George.

To save a maid Saint George a Dragon slue, Which was a noble act, if all be true; Some say there are no Dragons; and 'tis said There's no Saint George; pray Iove there be a maid.

583. Similis cum simili.

Tom went to the Market, where Tom met with Tom, Tom asked Tom, what Tom? ••ow far'st thou Tom? Who Tom, I Tom? Is Tom (quoth Tom) you Tom; Well God a mercy Tom; how doe you Tom? Faith ne'•• so well (quoth Tom) since Tom was Tom: And thus was the greeting past 'twixt Tom and Tom.

584. Ebrius oblitus.

Fucus was fox'd last night, but 'tis conceal'd, And would not for his Office 'twere reveal'd.

585. Dulce quod utile.

An honest Vicar riding by the way, Not knowing better how to spend the day, Did sing unto himself some certain Psalms; A blind man hearing him, strait begg'd his alms; To whom (quoth he) with coyn I cannot part, But God thee blesse, good man with all my heart. O, said the blind man, greater is my losse, When such as you doe blesse without a crosse.

586. In Dacum.

Dacus with some good colour and pretence, Tearms his wifes beau••y silent eloquence; For she doth lay more colours on her face, Then ever Tully us'd his speech to grace.

587. In Sillam.

Though I were blind, or though I never saw him, Yet if I should Silla but talking hear; For a right roaring Gallant I should know him, For of a whore he talks, and still doth swear.

588. Varietas iniquit••s.

Mat will not marry: true, 'cause ty'd to none, He may have wenches new, when th'old are gone.

589. Good sawce.

I went to sup with Cinna th'other night, And to say true (for give the Devil his right)

Though scant of meat we could a morsell get, Yet there with store of passing sawce we met. You ask what sawce, where pittance was so small? This, is not hunger the best sawce of all?

590. Plagis mitior.

Katharine that grew so curst and fit for no man, With beating soon became a Gentle-woman.

591. To a Lawyer.

To goe to Law, I have no maw, Although my suite be sure, For I shall lack suits to my back, Ere I my suit procure.

592. Semel insanivimus.

Bedlam fate bless thee, thou wantst nought but wit, And having gotten that, we'r freed from it; Bridewell, I cannot any way dispraise thee, For thou dost feed the poor, and jerk the lazie. Newgate, of thee I cannot much complain; For once a month, thou freest men out of pain; But from the Counters, goodness it self defend us? To Bedlam, Bridewell, or to Newgate send us, For there in time, wit, work, or law sets free; But here wit, work, nor law gets liberty.

593. Of himselfe.

Some men there be, which say of me, That I am not a Poet; They say well, why? I doe not lye, I write the truth; I know it.

594. Vpon Annes marriage with a Lawyer.

Anne is an Angel, what if so she be? What is an Angel, but a Lawyers fee?

595. Aenigma.

The Devil, men say, in Devonshire dy'd of late, But Devonshire lately liv'd in rich estate, Till Rich his toyes did Devonshire so bewitch, As Devonshire dy'd, and left the Devil Rich.

596. On Cupid.

Why feign they Cupid robbed of his sight? Can he whose seat is in the eye, want light?

597. An Answer.

Experience shew, and reason doth decree That he who sits in's own light cannot see.

598. Lucus journey.

Lucus hath travel'd with an hundred pound, Was rob'd and left well beaten, and fast bound:

But when to share their prize, they had begun, No miracle was wrought, yet he undon.

599. Of Nature.

Nature did well in giving poor men wit, That fools well monifi'd may pay for it.

600. Vilescit dives avarus.

Rufus is wondrous rich, but what of that? He lives obscurely, like a Water-Rat.

601. Visum ignotum.

That Crambo's wife's with child, her belly shews it: But who was't got it? pray ask those that know it.

602. Vpon Marriage.

Marriage as old men note, hath lik'ned bin Unto a publick fast, or common rout, Where those that are without would fain get in, And those that are within would fain get out.

603. On Annas a News-monger.

Annas hath long ears for all news to passe: His ears must needs be long, for he's an Asse.

604. Sir Iohn.

Now good Sir Iohn (the beggar cries) I pray Bestow your Worship's alms on me to day,

Relieve my wants (quoth he) I am your brother, We born are, one to help and ayd another; My brother (qd. Sir Iohn) poor wretch••d wight, Why, thou mistakest me, I am a Knight; I know't, quoth he, but hark you kind Sir Iohn, There's many a Knight kin to the begger men.

605. Conjectus.

Conjectus says hee'l plainly prove, Anothers Child he ought to love, More than his Parents; which is strange, And yet 'tis true; for I protest, He ought to love his wife the best.

606. Aulus.

Some (speaking in their own renown) Say that this Book was not exactly done; I care not much, like banquets let my Books, Rather be pleasing to the Guests than Cooks,

607. On envy.

Why say some, wealth brings envy, since 'tis known Poor men have backbiters fifteen for one?

608. Errantes errare licet.

Pandorus spends the day by telling newes, Of such his travels as will make you muse:

Nay sir believe it, hee'l discourse at large, How should he else be fed at others charge?

609. To a Drunkard.

Much pratling causeth greatest thirstinesse: Thy wife talks more then thou, why drinks she lesse.

610. On Pru.

Pru give me leave to laugh, why shouldst thou buy Ceruse, and Stibium, and Mercury, And sleiking Oyles, the best that may be got, When thy whole face Prue is not worth a groat?

611. To Momus.

Leave for shame, Momus, leave to bark and cry, My actions give thy slandrous tongue the lye.

612. To Roba.

Th'art fair, 'tis true; and pretty too, I know it; And well bred (Roba) for thy manners show it; But whilst thou mak'st self-praise thy onely care, Th'art neither pretty, nor well bred, nor faire.

613. On Gallo.

Gallo's a pretty man, hath pretty hair, A pretty hat, and cloke as one need wear; Gallo's a Gallant, and as Gallant•• use, Can court his Mistresse, with a sprightly Muse:

Gallo's a dunce, for I supply his wit, Which he makes nonsence by his reading it, And 'tis no wonder, as all wise-men know, For pretty Gallants to be dunces now.

614. Pudor est sua damna referre.

Peter hath lost his purse, but will conceale it, Least she that stole it, to his shame reveale it.

615. Wheele-greace.

Men th'Axletree do Greaze, that they not screak, But Lawyers must be Greaz'd to make them speak.

616. Who best friend.

A Louse I say, for when a man's distrest, And others fall off, she sticks the surest.

617. O times and manners!

Why thus do men, manners and times accuse, When men themselves, Manners and times abuse? W'are bad in them, they worse by us doe grow, Yet we complain that help to make them so.

618. Carpe.

Of all our Modern Writers, Carpe likes none, He loves th'old Poets that are dead and gone: Pardon me honest Carpe, I would not be Laid in my grave a while yet, to please thee.

619. Non nunquam jactat egenus▪

Iack is a Gentleman I must confesse, For there's no womans Taylor can be lesse.

620. On Terpin.

Terpin sips wine, and gluts down meat; I think, My Terpin drinks his meat, and eats his drink.

621. To Phaulo.

As often (Phaulo) as thou dost amisse, Thou hast no more excuse for it, but this, It was against thy will; why, be it so, Against thy will thou shalt be punisht to.

622. Little, nothing, too much, enough.

The Poor have little, Beggars none, The Rich too much, enough not one.

623. On Spurco of Oxford.

Spurco from Chandler, started Aldermen, And trust me now most Elder-like he can Behave himself: he ne'r appears in Town, But in his beaver, & his great fur'd gown: His Ruffe is set, his head set in his Ruffe; His reverend trunks become him well enough;

He wears a hoop ring on his Thumb; he has Of Gravidud a dose full in his face: And trick'd and trim'd, thus bravely he supposes Himselfe another man; but men have noses; And they that have so, maugre Spurco's skill, Through all his robes may smell the Chandler stil.

624. On the same.

Spurco made candles once, 'tis true enough, Yet when I told him so, he tookt in snuffe.

625. To Damon.

What cause, what confidence draws thee to town? Oxford can yeeld thee nothing, get thee down; Thou canst not turn rogue for thy private ends, Thou canst not play the baud to please thy friends. Thou hat'st to sell thy breath at any price, Or flatter great ones to their prejudice. Whence wilt thou live? (unhappy wretch!) I am A trusty friend, thou say'st, an honest man. That's nothing, Damon, set thy wits to school, Not to be knave here, is to be a fool.

626. Compotatio.

Tasso, Torquato, Trew-wit, Manlius, Brave merry Greeks all, and ingenious:

Let us be mad a while: come here thou Squire Of Pints and Pottles, pile us up a fire: Then bring some sack up, quick you Canniball, Some cleanly sack to wash our brains withall: There is I am sure, no other Thespian spring, No other Helicon to bathe us in. Troul then your sack about boyes, never faile, Commending dull men to their stands of Ale. Tinkers wind off whole pottles in a breath, I hate such puddle Coxcombs worse than death; But we true bra•••• of Bacchus, as our use is, With lusty Wines will sacrifice to th'Muses.

627. Conscientia testis.

What makes Antonia deem himselfe undone, Being question'd since his Office first begun: But that a Conscience tells him quae sumuntur Tam male parta, male dilabuntur?

628. On Terpin.

Listen who list, my Terpins nose I sing, And much I labour to expresse the thing: For when he snorts, it is his trumpet shrill; It is his conduit, for 'tis running still; It is his drag, his E••le-spear in the brook; His spade, his mattock, and his pruning hook▪

'Tis a convenient staple for a wall, A handsome wedge to cleave his wood withall: 'Twill make a good ship-anchor when he lacks, It is his gimlet, and his twibill axe. Regard not then, what m••n thy nose abuses; Thy nose is proper Terpin for most uses.

629. On Ned.

Have not I friends (quoth Ned) I dare to say, I have not supt at home this twelve months day: And very true it is, for sherking Ned, At home (poor man) goes supperlesse to bed.

630. Pecunia prevalens.

Hand off, si•• sauce-box! think you Mistris Phips Allows such lobs as you to touch her lips? But then 'tis question'd further; if you bring her Some legem pone, that's another thing Sir.

631. On Love.

Where love begins, there dead they first desire: A spark neglected, makes a mighty fire.

632. A Herculean taske.

To curb the courage and Wives tongue keep under. May well be call'd Hercules thirteenth wonder.

633. On Coritia.

Coritia, when all her Table's set With Manchet, Sauches, and good wholsome meat, She still gives brown bread to her Son and heir, And tells the little boy 'twill make him fair. If so (my Love) if it be true you say, You never ate brown bread Coritia.

634. On Drammato.

Drammato makes new playes great store; and yet 'Tis plain, Drammato has not too much wit: He strives too, to be pleasant, and brings in Mimicks, and fools, to make the people grin, I know not what the rest think, but I say, Drammato's the best fool in every play.

635. Taming of a Shrew.

Wouldst tame thy wife: first tame her tongue, Who thus his wife comes o'r shall overcome.

636. Liberty.

If he be well which hath what he can wish, Why then doe men for stinging Serpents fish? True liberty 'mongst vertues bears the bell; He may live as he will, which may live well.

637. Drammato.

Of all Drammato's playes that ere I see, Nothing could ever make me laugh but he.

638. On Galba.

Galba she sayes, she never tasted Man; Galba will lye, beleeve it, now and than.

639. To the Reader.

Such tenour I have kept here all along, As none (I hope) can challenge me with wrong. I injure not the least, I give no blow To any person; he that knows not how To scourge mans vice, unlesse he tax his name, Makes a base Libel of an Epigram.

640. On Formidando.

Stout Formidando walks imperiously, With tragick Bilbo girt upon his thigh; His roping locks, his buffe becomes him well, And to say sooth, he looks right terrible; He swayes the Town before him, and will slay Whatever man he be that dares gain-say: But Formidando pawn'd his coat last night, And Formidando's out of money quite;

Nor oaths will passe, nor credit from henceforth, For one poor penny, or a penny-worth: Starv'd Creditors begin to gape; and how To quit himself he scarcely knows; that now Stout Formidando who was wont to daunt Whole thousands, trembles at a Pursivant.

641. The German-Dutch.

Death's not to be: so Seneca doth think: But Dutchmen say 'tis death to cease to drink.

642. Death.

What Death is, dost thou ask of me? Till dead I doe not know; Come to me when thou hear'st I'm dead, Then what 'tis I shall show.

643. On Carp and Manilla.

Manilla would with Carp be maried, Manilla's wise I trow: But Carp by no means will Manilla wed; Carp's the wiser of the two.

644. On Carp.

These are my verses which Carp reads; 'tis known; But when Carp makes them non-sense, th'are his own.

645. To Phaulos.

Thou art offended (Phaulos) as I hear, Because I sometimes call thee whoremaster; My nature's blunt, and so will ever be; I call a spade a spade, pray pardon me.

646. To Coracine.

What Crispulus is that in a new gown, All trim'd with loops and buttons up and down? That leans there on his arm in private chat With thy young wife, what Crispulus is that? He's Proctor of a Court, thou say'st, and does Some businesse of my wives: thou brainlesse goose! He does no businesse of thy wives, not he, He does thy businesse (Coracine) for thee.

647. On Pru.

Pru praises her complexion, nay swears She dares compare with any of her years; And very true it is, that Prudence sayes, I saw not better sold these many dayes.

648. The Parret.

If lawful't be, of things t'invent the name; With pratling Parret, prater is the same.

649. To Maronilla.

My Maronilla, I could easily spare Thy hands and arms, thy shoulders and fraught haire, I could well spare thy feet, thy legs and thighs, Thy tongue and teeth, thy lips, cheeks, forehead, eyes: And not to reckon each part severall, My Maronilla I could spare thee all.

650. Study.

Some men grow mad by studying much to know; But who grows mad by studying good to grow?

651. To Lionell.

Lionell shows his honourable scars, And labours to invite me to the wars: But I will not by no means Lionell; I doe not love to live ill, and drink well.

652. On Pumilio a Dwarfe.

Pumilio lying in despaire Of further life, said, take no care To make a Tomb for me, good folks, I will be buried in a Box.

653. Sharpe sauce.

Kisses and savours are sweet things, But those have thornes, and these have stings.

654. On Drad-nought.

Drad-nought was for his many riots laid Ith'Counter lately, now he's wondrous staid.

655. On Phaulos and Gellia.

Phaulos he visits, Gellia she's sick: I am no Wizard, yet I know their trick.

656. To his Friend.

I will not be a Foe to any, Nor be familiar with too many; And twice I will not love my friend, But whom I love, I'l love to th'end.

657. Maried Folke.

Man love thy wife; thy Husband, wife obay: Wives are our Heart, we should be Head alway.

658. On Pru and Galla.

Why are Pru's teeth so white, and Galla's black? The reason is soon knowne: Pru buyes new teeth as often as she lacks, But Galla wears her owne.

659. On Bombo.

When Bombo preaches (and that's thrice a year) Nothing but wit sounds wisely in his ear. His ••ustian phrases make a noise; each strain And swelling rapture fills his mouth again: He's parcell-States-man, parcell-Priest, and so If you observe, he's parcel Poet to. Bombo thy fetches▪ and thy fangles may Become a stage perhaps, but us'd this way, Th'are base, and impious: let me prevail, Talk till thy strong lines choak thee; if they fail, Commence at Tyburn in a cart, sweet Poet, And there a strong line will for cert••in do it.

660. On Lulls.

Lulls swears he is all heart, but you'l suppose By his Probassis, that he is all nose.

661. On Paeto.

Implore the Muses, and their two top'd hill, Still to supply fresh matter to thy quill: Crave Phoebus aid, call Homer with the throng Of all the Bardes, Learn'd Manes, to thy song. I dare not (Paeto) be so bold, as do it, Nor seem so like what I am not; a Poet. My page invokes no deities: here love, And indignation the best Muses prove.

662. On the same.

My Paeto thinks he sings melodious, And like a Swan: alas he's but a Goose.

663. On Plutus.

Plutus, rich Plutus would have me b••stow Some New-years gift, as other neighbours do. Why I will send thee what thou want'st my friend; Nothing thou want'st, and nothing I will send.

664. To Phocion.

Thou buy'st up all that thou canst light upon, This is the way to sell all Phocion.

665. To Lividus.

Doe not raile basely, doe not swell with spight, Doe not scoffe (Lividus) at what I write:

For ridden, trust me, I can hardly pace, Nor bear thee gently like a patient Asse; But trot amain, and if thou chance to kick, I shall wince too, and gall thee to the quick. Flinging full fast till I have thrown thee off, Till I have shook thy snaffle from thy mouth; And then in triumph (Lividus) look to't, I spurn thy pride and follies under foot.

666. On his Verses.

He's blind with love that likes them ev'ry one, And he is blind with envy, that likes none.

667. Truth.

Truth is best found out by the time and eyes; Falshood wins credit by uncertainties.

668. Time.

Time all consumes, both us and every thing, We time consume; thus, both one song doe sing.

669. To Bombo.

Most men condemn thee Bombo, when they hear Thy high and mighty Sermons, but I swear Thou preachest movingly; and well I may; Thou preachest all thy Auditors away.

670. On Plutus.

Rich Plutus needs would buy a fool, and paid Fifty good pounds: but after triall made, Perceiving him an understanding man, Plutus would have his money back again.

671. To Linus.

Thou wast my debtor when I lent the coin, Pay me mine own, and then I wil be thine.

672. Leven.

Love is a Leven, and a loving kiss The leven of a loving sweet-heart is

673. To Phaulos.

Thou ask'st me whom I think best man to be, He's the best (Phaulos) that is least like thee.

674. To Claudius and Linus.

Ungodly Claudius, to be good, Wants nothing but a will: Lewd Linus, also, wanteth nought But power to be ill.

675. Hot-waters.

Our trickling Tears expresse our private Love, Love causeth tears; strange! fire should water prove.

676. On Grotto.

Talk but of death, Grotto begins to rage, And sweat, and swear, and yet he's blind with age. Fie on thee Grotto, what a coil you keep? Thy windowes they are shut, 'tis time to sleep.

677. On Boreman.

Boreman takes tole, cheats, flatters, lyes, yet Boreman For all the Devill helps, will be a poor man.

678. On Crab.

Crab being caught, and in the Serjeants power, For shame and anger look'd both red and sower.

679. On Fargo.

Fargo by his wit and pleasing tongue, Hath won a wench that's wondrous fair & young; The match (he saith) is halfe concluded, he Indeed is wondrous willing; but not she.

680. On Richard.

Dick being drunk, in bed thought on his sin, And that lewd course of life he lived in, Yet long hereof for thirst, Dick could not think, But, Drawer, cryes, now for thy smallest drink.

681. To Spruce.

Spruce wears a Comb about him, alwayes he To prune and smooth his pollisht haire: The Cock's ne'r too without his Comb you see, Spruce 'tis a Coxcomb then you weare.

682. On This Wise age.

The Wise men were but seaven: now we scarce know So many fooles, the world so wise doth grow.

683. On Profuso.

Unstayd Profuso hath run thorough all, Almost the story of the Prodigall, Yet swears, he never with the Hoggs did dine, That's true, for none durst trust him with their swine.

684. On a fire in Towne.

One night through all the streets the men did cry, Fire, fire! at which I wak't and wondred by; Not that dry wood should burn, but because all Did cry fire, when for water they should call.

685. To either Vniversity.

InduDIV2ent Mother, and kind Aunt, no where Throughout all Europe find I such a paire;

From whose faire breasts those milky rivers run, That thousands feed, else thousands were undone. Oh were it not that some are wean'd too young, And some doe suck (like•• Esse•• Calves) too long.

686. On Mounsieur Congee.

A proper handsome courtly man indeed, And well set out with cloaths, can for a need Discourse with legs, and quarter congees, and Talk halfe an houre with help of foot and hand; But when I view'd this Mounsier clean throughout, I found that he was onely Man without.

687. To my Reader.

My person is another as I list, I now but act the Epigrammatist.

688. On Physitians.

Physitians are most miserable men, that cannot be deny'd: For they are never truly well, but when mo•••• men are ill beside.

689. On Puff.

Puff quarrels in his cups, and then will fight, Is beaten sober; troth he is served right.

690. To Flash.

Flash when thou'rt drunk, then in thy own conceit Thou'rt valiant, wise, great, honest, rich, discreet. Troth Flash be alwayes drunk! for well I know When you are sober you are nothing so.

691. Wi••tily wicked.

Good wine (they say) makes Vinegar most ta••t, Thou, the more witty, the more wicked art.

692. A Doctor and his Patient.

A Doctor told his patient Omphida; The grief she felt was a Sciatica: Which she not perfect how to nominate, Mistaking cryes, O my Certificate!

693. On Mounsier Powder-wig.

Oh doe but mark you crisped Sir you meet! How like a Pageant he doth stalk the street? See how his perfum'd head is powderd ore: Twu'd stink else, for it wanted Salt before.

694. To Rash.

Rash swear not! think not 'cause you swear that I Believe you, no: he that will swear will lye.

695. Drunk-bounty.

I'l tell you why the drunk so lavish are, They have too much, nay more then they can bear.

696. To Gut.

Gut eats and drinks, doth nothing else but swill, His teeth doe grind, his mouth's the water-mill.

697. To Simple.

Simple, you know I gave you good advice; Little to say, that men might think you wise; If you'l proclaim your selfe a foole you may: I onely tell you now what others say.

698. On Quaff.

To quench his sorrows Quaff drinks very free, Sorrow is dry, he sayes, and so is he.

699. To Tom Coriat.

Of all the Toms that ever yet were nam'd, Was never Tom like as Tom Coriat fam'd. Tom Thumb is dumb, untill the pudding creep, In which he was intomb'd, then out doth peep. Tom Fool may go to School, but ne'r be taught Speak Greek, with which our Tom his tongue is ••raught.

Tom Asse may passe, but for all his long ears, No such rich Jewels as our Tom he wears. Tom Tell-troth is but forth, but truth to tell, Of all Toms, this Tom, bears away the bell.

700. To a fat Vsurer.

Fat folks we say by nature are most free: You and your purse are fat, and yet I see Your hand and that still shut, the reasons this; In costive flesh thy leane soule buried is.

701. On Brisk.

Brisk brag'd of's ready wit; I tempting him But for one Distick, did propound this theam Nothing: I•• cannot be, he wondring said That out of nothing ought shu'd ere be made. Dull Brisk thou ne'r couldst tune Apollo's Lyre; A pure steeld-wit, will strike Mercuriall fire Out of the flintiest subject: but thy head Is all compos'd of softer mettle, lead.

702. Semel insanivimus omnes.

Thus have I waded through a worthlesse task, Whereto I trust there's no exception ta'n, For meant to none, I answer such as ask,

'Tis like apparell made in Birchen-lane; If any please to suit themselves and wear it, The blame's not mine, but theirs that needs will bear it.

703. On Sullen.

Sullen will eat no meat, but peevishly Replies, I care not, nor I will not, I: Troth I commend his abstinence, 'tis great, When having such a stomach hee'l not eat.

704. To Banks.

When Spendall asks to borrow, you reply, You know not when hee'l pay you; troth nor I.

705. To Boldface.

Boldface, I wonder at thy impudence, That da••'st affi••m things so against all sence: For shame ben't impudent and foolish too! And think all men are fools 'cause you are so.

706. Of his Booke.

Part of the work remaines; one part is past: And here my Ship rides, having Anchor cast.

707. On Bearill.

Bearill because his wife is somewhat ill, Uncertain in her health, indifferent still; He turns her out of doors without reply: Wondring at which, I askt the reason why? In sicknesse and in health, sayes he, I'm bound Onely to keep her, either weak or sound; But now shee's neither, he replies; you'l see, Shee'l quickly now or mend or end, sayes he.

708. On Bib.

Wisdome doth teach us silence, now Bib is With drink made speechlesse, is he not then wise

709. On Silly.

Silly by chance did loose his Diary Of wit, which he had got in company: No marvel he now so mute and pensive sits, How can he choose, since he hath lost his wits.

710. Ad sesquipidales poetastros.

Hence Brauron's God to Tauriminion, And you Levaltoring Corybant•• be gon;

Fly thundering Bronsterops to Hippocrene, And Mauros to Nymph-nursing Mytelene; Grisly Megaera's ne••romantique spell Depart to black nights Acherontick cell: Avaunt transformed Epidaurian, Unto th'Antipod Isles of Trabroban, Away Cyllenius plumy-pinnion'd God, With thy peace making wand, snakecharming rod, And all the rest not daring look upon Vranus blood-born brood, and fell Typhon; Chimera's victor great Bellerophon, Thou vanquisher of Spanish Geryon. Stout Asdruball Sicilian Lord of yore, Thou that destroy'dst the Caledonian bore, Couragious conqueror of Cretes Minotaure, Thou pride of Mermeno's cloudy Semitaure. Perseus whose marble stone transforming shield, Enforc'd the Whale, Andromeda to yeeld, You Argonautes that scour'd Syndromades, And passd the quick-sands of Symplegades, Help Demogorgon, King of heaven and earth, Chaos, Lucina, at Litigiums birth, The world with child looks for delivery Of Canibals, or Poetophagy. A devilish brood from Ericthonius, From Iphidemia, Nox, and Erebus, Chide Pegasus for op'ning Helicon, And Poets damn Pyry-Phlegeton;

Or make this monstrous birth abortive be, Or else I will shake hands with Poetry.

—Nihil sic nisi Carmina desunt.