A new family-book, or, The true interest of families being directions to parents and children, and to those who are instead of parents : shewing them their several duties, and how they may be happy in one another : together with several prayers for families and children, and graces before and after meat : to which is annexed a discourse about the right way of improving our time / by James Kirkwood ... ; with a preface, by Dr. Horneck.

THE PREFACE.

THE Author of the ensuing Treatise, having thought fit to recommend his Papers to my perusal, I was willing to usher them into the World, with some re∣marks upon his pious design.

The Welfare of a Common Wealth doth in a great measure de∣pend upon the Duties of the Relatives here treated of,* 1.1 and did Parents and Chil∣dren conscientiously discharge all the Ob••igations incumbent upon them by

the Law of God, and Nature, the World could not be so wicked as it is. Education makes the first impres∣sions upon the Souls of Men, and were care taken, that the Ground be impregnated with good Seed, such a Harvest might be expected from it, that Posterity might be the bet∣ter for it.

I am sensible that Conversation and the Humour of the Age, is apt to make strange alterations in the Principles we imb••be, yet something will stick, and when the thoughts are cool, and Men come to reflect, the Principles they have learned when the wax was soft, will recoil, and oblige them to return to their Duty.

Of this we have experience; and though there is no Rule so general, but admits of exceptions, yet it's enough that this effect doth frequently appear, which is no inconsiderable Motive to the serious consideration of a thing of this importance.

It was a wise answer, which one of the LXXII. Interpreters gave to Ptolemaeus Philadelphus, who asked him, what was the greatest negligence? The neglect, saith he, of the good Education of Children. It is so, and the hurt that's done by it, both to them, and to the Publick, is un∣speakable.

Whence is it that there are so many Prodigals, that so many come to an untimely end? that so many run into excesses, which destroy both Soul and Body? From want of pious Education.

It was a severe Censure, which Carneades the Philosopher passed up∣on the Children of Rich Men, that they learned nothing but to ride well.

Indeed it is to be wondered, that Rational Creatures should be so care∣ful to breed up their Progeny to sen∣suality, and neglect the cultivation of that which makes them differ from

Bruits, and shews, they are Crea∣tures of a nobler extract: Can any thing be more reasonable, than Vir∣tue and the fear of God? Is not this it, which both Scripture and Philo∣sophy teaches? Do not we our selves confess so much, and do not most Men acknowledge it when they come to dye? And yet that we should make this the least part of our care in the Education of Youth, is won∣drous strange!

Some seem to fancy, that sending their Children to School, or to teach them their Catechism, is all the Care that is incumbent upon them. Though I cannot say, but that this is a Duty, yet it is so imperfect, that I can scarce honour it with the Title of doing it by halves, it being but the beginning, or the least part of it. Instruction, Precept, and Example are the mighty Engines and Instru∣ments in the promoting and accom∣plishing this Work; and perhaps

nothing hath a greater influence than Example; for all the Moral Precepts of the Parents, are like Water spilt upon the Ground, where Example doth not concomitate the instruction.

How shall the Child learn Sobri∣ety, where the Father is often drunk? Or how is it possible, the young man should be meek and patient, where the Father is Cholerick, and hath no command of his passion? I do not restrain the Grace of God, and am sensible, that the very impiety of the Parents hath sometimes contrary Effects upon certain Children, and they learn to be good by the Wick∣edness of their Superiors; but this is an extraordinary Providence, which God exerts sometimes to manifest his Omnipotence, and to let Men see that he can bring light out of darkness, but the ordinary way of Edifying those under our Charge, is to teach them by Example.

And though even this proves in∣effectual sometimes, yet it's enough that it is our Duty, and that we have discharged it, and have ta∣ken that way which was most ratio∣nal, and of God's prescription.

I am so pleased with St. Jerom's Ad∣vice to Laeta concerning the Edu∣cation of her Daughter,* 1.2 that I can∣not forbear to transcribe part of it.

I will let you see, saith he, what Education you are to give to a Daughter, whose Soul ought to be the Temple of God. Let her hear nothing, learn nothing, speak nothing, but what may inspire the fear of God into her. Let her not listen to prophane Dis∣courses, nor be enamoured with Love Songs or am••rous Ditties. Let her use her self at certain hours, to sing Psalms; let none be about her, but sober Servants,

and keep her from running into Company light and vain, where she will learn more ill than good. Use her to reading, and to work, and labour, and promise her Re∣wards, and incite her to Emula∣tion; excite her to Virtue by prai∣ses and Commendations, and make her ambitious to excel others in Virtue and good Works. Let her learn Scripture Sentences by heart, and chuse her a Master, that may not only teach her to read, but instruct her in good manners. Give her a Nurse neither debaucht nor tatling, nor given to strong Liquors; and let her Habit be modest, and such as becomes her Christian Profession. Let her not bore Holes in her Ears for Pen∣dants, neither let her use any Paint or Wash to beautifie her self. Let her not be nice in ordering the Hair of her Head, neither suffer her to adorn her self with Gold

or Pearls, or precious Stones, ex∣cept you design her for Hell fire: When she comes to riper Age, let her go with her Parents to the Temple, but let her not return to the Gayeties of the World. Ad∣vise her to keep her self in her Chamber, and let her not go to Feasts, and merry Meetings. I would not have her use too much Fasting and Abstinence, which may hurt her health, at least till she be stronger, and better able to bear it. Let her use God's Crea∣tures for necessity, and not for voluptuousness sake. Suffer her not to be at Musical concerts, nor to be fond of Fiddles, and Lutes, and Harps, but let her repeat every day some passages out of the Word of God. Let her not go abroad any where without her Mother, nor be very familiar, or enter into intreagues with any Servant. Appoint her a Governess

that's sage and wise, and who may teach her to rise at midnight, to sing Praises to her God. Let her pray and work Day and Night. Teach her to handle her Needle, to Spin and to Exercise her self in turning the Spindle. Suffer her not to imploy her self in Im∣broideries of Gold and Silver. Let her Cloaths be plain and decent, and let her eat soberly and tempe∣rately, and let her not take plea∣sure in common Baths.

I know what will be objected here, that this is the advice of a Her∣mit, and to teach a Daughter how to be a Nun. But still I appeal to any unprejudiced Person, whether this be not the most likely way to Salvation, and whether these Pre∣cepts be not agreeable to the Go∣spel of Christ? And though I will grant, that all are not under the same Circumstances, and all cannot give the same Education; yet as to

the principal part of the advice, which is to teach Children by Word and Example, how to die to Sin and to the World, it must be granted it's very practicable. This Age in∣deed hath learnt to shake off these stricter Rules, but they should shew us too, what Warrant they have from the Word of God to do so.

It was judiciously observed of Fa∣bius, that a soft and effeminate E∣ducation, breaks the strength of Body and Mind, and whilst we breed up Children to all the Arts of Vanity and Luxury, they continue strangers to God and to themselves.

The Vine grows wild, if it be not cut; so doth Youth, if they be not betimes curbed in things which war against the Soul.

Vnderstand this, ye Parents, and be instructed, ye to whom God hath committed the care of Education; ye are God's Stewards, and your Chil∣dren are the Goods you are to manage

to your Master's Glory. Their blood God will require at your hands. Have not ye read the Curse God pronounced against Eli for his negligence, and are not ye afraid of the same Judgment? Ye are the persons by whom your Chil∣dren must be taught to serve God in their Generation; ye are the persons from whom they are to learn their Duty to God and Man; at your door the fault will lie, if they miscarry through your carelesness. Are their Souls so contemptible in your eyes, that you will let them perish for want of Admonition? Did Christ think them worth purchasing with his own Blood, and will ye let them lie without fence or wall, or cultivation?

You take care that they may live comfortably in this World: Is it not a greater Duty to bestir your selves, that they may enjoy God for ever? It is joy to you to see them do well here, and ought it not to be a greater joy to find, that they are like to reign

with Christ and his Saints in a better World? You love them, but how doth it appear you do, while you let their Souls die? Is this your Love, to provide for their flesh, and to neglect enriching their better part with reli∣gious Principles? You would have them go to Heaven when they die; but how is it possible they should, when you are loth to be at the trouble to shew them the way that leads to that Paradise? Was ever any Man saved without Holiness, and do you hope they will be, without this qualification? If you teach them not by Word and Ex∣ample to practise that Holiness, how can you or they hope to ascend into the Mount of God, or dwell on the everlasting Hills?

Do you believe a future Account, and do not ye enquire, whether you discharge your Duty to your Chil∣dren? Or is this no part of the Ac∣count ye are to give? Ye are the Persons who are to breath•• goodness

into them, and to give them life and happiness. Ye are their Gods, as it were, and from you they receive their motion; and their spiritual as well as their natural life must begin from you. Ye are Magistrates in your Fa∣milies, and it is your Province to be a terrour to evil-doers, and Encou∣ragers of those that do well.

If by your indulgence they sin, and by your connivence they grow wicked, will not the supreme Judge be aven∣ged on such Officers? You blame Go∣vernours of a Commonwealth, if they do not animadvert on Offenders, or are regardless of the reins of Justice; and do not you blame your selves, who are Commanders in your Fami∣lies, for suffering the fear of God to decay there, which is the only thing that can make them happy?

How is it, that you will not un∣derstand your Interest? Is it not your interest to educate them into the Practice of Virtue, and Goodness, and

Self denial? If they love God, they must needs love you, that love will constrain them to express their Duty to you. The Presence of God will over-awe them, and they'll obey you, not with eye-service, but when your eye is off from them. The fear of God will make them conscientious of obeying your Commands in secret; and if your good Counsels and Exam∣ples prevail with them, they will be not only your Children, but the Chil∣dren of God; and you will have this satisfaction, that you do not only love them, but that God loves them, and dwells in them, and they in him.

Remember this, ye that are Chil∣dren, and let this encourage you to a faithful discharge of your Duty. Your Parents, that under God gave you life, have a just Right to your Services and Obedience. You are born Servants to them, and to be at their beck and Command is the obligation you bring with you into the World.

As the Authority of Parents was the first Government in the World, so your subjection to them is the first Service that was ever known in the World. Can you think any thing too good for them, who are the great In∣struments of conveying to you all the goods you possess, and all the endow∣ments you are invested with?

If you follow not their good In∣structions and Admonitions, ye are the greatest Rebels in the World, and the sin is as great a Treason in the Family you live in, as Sedition in a Kingdom is against the State. You have the noblest Promises made you to reward your Obedience; and though it is a natural Duty bound up with your very Being, yet God will reward it as if it were a deliberate self-denial; and because you shall not stay for the recompence, God will bless you here, and your lives shall be com∣fortable on this side Heaven. It is the first Commandment in the Law

with Promise; and to let you see how God delights in your honouring your Parents, and obeying their wholsom Counsels, he hath singled out that Precept, and dress'd it with more than ordinary encouragements.

But then, the Honour you shew them, must not spend it self in some outward Civilities, but must be ex∣pressed in Actions, in Speeches, and in Patience, according to the Advice of the Son of Syrach, Ecclesiastic. 3. 12, 13, 14.

In Actions, so as to execute their lawful Commands with great alacrity and fidelity, to labour, and to take pains for their mainnteance and sup∣port, if they are fallen to decay, and to relieve their necessities, according to your ability.

In Words, and Speeches, so as to speak honourably of them, to answer them with humility, to comfort them when they are in trouble, and to pa∣cifie

them with soft language, when they are angry and displeased.

In Patience, so as to bear their anger patiently, and to endure their frowardness and pettishness without contradiction; to receive their severer Commands, and such as are contrary to your genius and inclination, with gentleness, and to do them without murmuring.

These are Duties which draw more than ordinary Blessings upon you, God that sees you do so, will have thoughts of peace towards you; he will be concerned for you, and you may be confident, he will not leave you, nor forsake you.

In honouring your Parents, you ho∣nour your selves. It's that which will not only procure you favour with God, but with Men too. It's upon this account, that Wise Men have re∣corded the Dutifulness of some ex∣cellent Children, and make them Im∣mortal by their Writings; and there

are such Examples of this filial Re∣spect, even among the Heathen, that it would be odious and dreadful, if the Children of Christians should fall short of their Duty.

God lays so great a stress upon it that as he promises the kindest things to it, so he threatens as severe pu∣nishments, where it is neglected; and that he doth not only threaten, but execute these Judgments, any Man may see, that will take notice of his Providences. But all this the Rea∣der will be more fully convinced of, by reading the following Discourse, which, that God may bless with suc∣cess and edification, shall be my hearty Prayer.

A. Horneck.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Plat. l. 2. de Republ. Aristot l. 6. Politic. c. 1.
• * 1.2

  Hierom Ep. 7. ad Laetam.