A German diet, or, The ballance of Europe wherein the power and vveaknes ... of all the kingdoms and states of Christendom are impartially poiz'd : at a solemn convention of som German princes in sundry elaborat orations pro & con ... / by James Howell, Esq.

THE ORATION OF THE Lord AC ACIUS AXELIUS against POLAND.

Most judicious and Excellent President and Princes,

THE Oration that was pronounc'd before was too long and prolix, considering the poornesse and tenuity of the Sub∣ject; but to me it was too brief and concise, considering the Eloquence and strength of the stile▪ I will not say it was like those ranting speeches that are usually made upon the Theaters of Italy, who use to make an Ox of a Bee, or a Mountain of a Mole-hil, when they speak in commendation of the vertue of their Balsams, to advance the vent of them. But I wonder what should come into the mind of the Noble Orator, before me to extoll Poland so hyperbolically; sure it was to trie what he could doe upon so bare and barren a Subject. As we reade that Archippus fell a praising the sha∣dow of an Asse, and Passeratius the Asse himself; as Glaucus fell in praise of injustice, Polycrates and Isocrates of Busiris, H•…•…ttenus of the Fever, or as Maro fell upon the praise of a Flea, Synesius of Baldnesse, Pickhennerus of the Gout, Libanius of an Ox, Diocles of a Rape, •…•…ierius of Poetical poverty, Miran∣dula of Barbarism, Salerius of Drunkennesse; Lucian of a Fly, Dion of a Parrat, Mayoragius of Dirt, or as Erasmus fell upon the praise of Folly, and Heinsius of a Louse, to make experiment of their inventions what they could say upon such small theames.

But to make Poland contest either with Germany, France, Spain, Italy, or Great Britain for superiority and worthynesse; were to make Vatinius and Cicero competitors for one preferment, or Arachne to contend with Pal∣las, who was the best Spinstresse. Now, touching Poland, let the report of those French Gentlemen that attended the Duke of Aniou thither to be King, be heard, who questionlesse found the best things that Poland could afford. They at their return to France, put her forth in such illfavoured colours, that possibly could be. They said she was the proper seat, and perpetuall domicile of all barbarism and misery; Therefore it was superfluo•…•…s labour for them to passe a decree, that no French should have a faculty granted him to purchase any Stable possession in Poland, for none of them was of so abject a mind or fortune, that would be Great Duke of Lituania. Let us take a survay of the fertillest piece of the Country, which is Podolia, and what is it but a harsh and a hard stony soyl, that a yoak of ten Oxen are required most commonly to plough up the Earth. Then the cold is there so violent, that water thrown but a yard or two high into a ba•…•…on, will freeze in the air before it descends. But this extemity of cold hath been sometimes advantagious to the Country; for one year there

r•…•…sh'd in an Army of 70 thousand Turkes, but there hapned such a terrible frost upon a suddain, that 40. thousand of them starv'd for the rigor of the frost, and some of them were found wrap'd in Horses bellies; Which did strike such a Religion into the Mahumetan, that he thought the Pole and Russe were protected by Heaven.

Touching •…•…amogitia, a large part of the Kingdom, it is such, that the very Nobles there dwell in Cottages; What shall we thinke then of the Common∣nalty?

Touching the Vertues of the Pole, I will begin first with Religion, and where is she hous'd so poorly as in Poland? Where is she more mix'd with prophannesse? Near Vilna, one of their Capital Cities, the Mahumetan Tar∣tar doth observe his rites. Nay between Lituania and Samogitia, there are ma∣ny who attribute a divinity to a kind of Serpents, which in their language are call'd Givoijtos, they carry them home, and a certain time of the year they offer Sacrifices unto them, they provide them meat, and if those Penates or houshold Gods of theirs do not eat, it is an Omen of ill luck, and presageth calamities. Nay, (I will not tell so Princely an Auditory a falshood) in some places of Russia, Lituania and Samogitia, the Country people, towards the latter end of October, do provide Oblations and Holocausts for the De∣vill. They use to meet in some Ba•…•…n or Stable, and bring thither a Calf, a Hogge, a Cock and Hen, with other creatures to make an immolation of them, and when they are kill'd to that purpose, their Priest or Inchant or whispering out some words, doth strike the ground with his staffe, and cryes out, the whole brigade keeping tone with him in pronouncing these words. O God Zeimminick (for so they call the Devill) These things we offer unto thee, and render thee thanks, that thou hast vouchsafed to conserve us this year in safety and health. And now we pray thee be pleas'd to defend us for the future from Fire, Iron, the Pestilence, and from our Enemies. Then they take the flesh of those slain A∣nimalls and eat them, throwing first into the four corners of the roome some morsells, and pronouncing these words, Haec O Zeimmenick nostra Holocausta suscipe, & comede benignus▪ O Zeimmenick accept of these our sacrifices, and eat favourably: Now I beseech you, how can we think that Christ can cohabit or be found with those infernall, and Reptill Gods? Moreover the Samogitians are so given to superstition, that whereas it was the old custom of that Coun∣try to till the ground with wooden Ploughes, and Cul•…•…ers, and that the Governor of one of their Provinces brought them the use of iron Plough∣shares for the ease of the labourer, and that some years after by an unusuall distemper of the air, they had a dear year or two; They threw away their iron ploughshares, and fell to the old wooden ones again, attributing a kind of divinity unto them, and unluckinesse unto the other. Though the rest of the Polonique people be not infected with such grosse Idolatry, yet they are as grossly ignorant as any Christians on Earth can be. Few of them can say the Lords Prayer, or know what the ten commandements are, they leave that to their Landlords and Priests, it is enough for them to believe by an im∣plicit faith in God Almighty, and his Son Iesus Christ, and the holy spirit; touching more knowledge, it belongs to Princes and Great men. Now for the Masse of common people; They are meer slaves unto the Gentry, and worse then the Peasants of France; a Landlord may come into any husband∣mans house, attended with a hungry train of followers, and there do or take away what he will, without any controllment. Nor do the Country people refrain from their ordinary labour upon the Lords day, but they plough, and harrow, they digge and delve as upon other daies; hereupon a stranger asking one of them, why he laboured upon the Sunday? Because, said he, I must eat upon the Sunday. The Landlords there have not only a Despoticall, but Regal power over their Tenants, having power of life and death; which slavish custom, Vitoldo Duke of Lituania brought in among them, who was such a

Tyrant, that if he bad any to go away and hang himself, the party must do it, or else he should be put to a worse kind of death. Murther is no capitall crime among them, but onely finable; if a Gentleman kills another Gentleman, he forfetis 30. Crownes; if a clown kill a Gentleman, he forfeits twice as much, and if a gentleman kill a yeoman, it is but 10. crownes amercement: But Si∣gismund the first reform'd these lawes, and made the price of blood more pre∣cious. That Sigismund could crack a horshoe with his hands, or tear a whole stock of cards to flitters, or heave up a reasonable horse in his armes. But it is a thing much to be deplor'd, that the people of Poland were divided to four parts, three parts of four are Arrians in the i•…•…hearts, for that heresie reignes no where more in Europe; there are other among them, but this is the greatest: and can there be a greater heresie among Christians?

Now for Religion, and all kind of civilities, the Pole is oblig'd to the German, who was their first introducer and instructer; as is evident by those reliques of the German tongue, which are yet found among them, which the Slavonique did shoulder out. Now the Slavonique is the most spacious vulgar language upon Earth, it extends as far as Constantinople, one way, and Mosco another way; for above twenty severall Nations speak it for their Vernacular tongue.

Now touching the naturall disposition of the Pole, it is as savage and san∣guinary as of any Nation. Among a cloud of horrid examples which could be produc'd, that of King Popiel the 2. is remarkable; Who finding himself to be illbeloved by his Subjects, and suspecting that his brothers and uncles did goe to undermine him, He counterfeited himself to be sick, and so sent for them as it were upon his death-bed to take his farewell of them, committing his wife and children to their care, and speaking unto them faintly and with much tenderness; he calls for a boul of wine to drink unto them, which he scarce touch'd with his lipps; but they pledging him freely, were all poyson'd, and died soon after. Hereupon the cunning Queen crying out that they had an in∣tent to poyson the King her Husband, their bodies were depriv'd of Christian buriall, and thrown into the lake Goplus: but mark the judgements of Heaven. Out of the putrified bodies, there were such ratts engendred, more bigg then ordinary, that first devoured all Popiells children, and then his Queen, and lastly himself in Crusvicia Castle, in a most disastrous manner, to the astonish∣ment of all mankind.

Moreover touching the perfidiousnesse of the Polish Nation; there be as ma∣ny pregnant examples as can be produc'd among any people; but not to detain your ears long with such harsh notes, let this one serve. When Ladislaus, the Son and rightfull Heir of King Albertus was put by, and Uladislaus the 5. made King of Poland, God Allmighty having respect to the innocence of young Ladislaus, powr'd his judgement upon the Pole in the Varvensian Battaile, wherein besides the loss of many thousand soules, Christianity receiv'd the fowlest blemish that ever she did from her infancie to that day. For this usur∣ping Uladislaus, having agreed upon Articles of peace with Sultan Amurath, and given him the holy host for caution in point of performance, The said Uladislaus breaking the Capitulations, caus'd Amurath to rush into Poland with a fearfull army, and as both were to close, the Turk drew out of his bo∣some the host, and the Articles which Uladislaus had sworn unto, crying out, O thou Crucified, O thou crucified, look upon thy perfidious people who have pawn'd thee unto me, yet in a most scelestous and perjurious manner have infring'd their vow: if thou art some God, let perjury be vindicated. Hereupon there was a generall o∣verthrow given to the Austrian Army, and Uladislaus himself slain; In so much that Poland grew so despicable, that scarce any would undertake the title of her King.

Touching the Cosacks which were so much applauded in the preceding O∣ration. Truly, most noble Princes, let me tell you, that they are a race of

people of the same trade the wild Arabs are of, who live by robberies and plunder; and I had almost said they are as wild as they, for they feede upon raw flesh, which they put sometimes upon their horses back under the sad∣dle to warm a little, and so they devoure it. They are farre worse then the Mosstroupers of Scotland, the Tories of Ireland, the Frondeurs of France, or the Bandoleros of Spain, which lurk among the Pyrenean hills for rapine and spoil.

To draw to a conclusion, as the genius and naturall disposition of the Pole is rough, fierce and unpolish'd, so is their speech, which is a most abrupt and craggy kind of language, in so much that in some words you have ten conso∣nants and but one vowell; the words of the Pole when he speakes high, are as so many stones thrown at a mans braines that heares him, they have such pene∣netrating harsh sounds and accents. The teeth of a Wolf, dentes lupini, are the of Poland, I arms wil not say their nature doth sympathize with that rapacious beast, but me thinks the Latine tongue whereof they bragge so much in point of vulgarity, should sound but very harshly among such teeth.

For conclusion, I will relate unto you the character which one of Henry the thirds Secretaries, when he was then attending the King, gives of Poland and the people, which stands upon record in an Authentique peece of story. Quant a moy qui ne puis mentir je vous diray fort librement que je ne vis iamais un si mise∣rable pays, •…•…ant de pouvre Noblesse, touts brutals & sauuage, mais toutesfois si pleins d' arrogance qu' elle n'estime ancune Nation. Ces sont choses difficiles a repre∣senter par escrit, & du tout impossibles a croire que par ceux qui les auroient veu∣es. For my part, saith the French Secretary, who cannot lie, I will tell you freely that I never saw in the whole course of my life so miserable a Country; so indigent a Gentry, so brutish, and savage a Commonalty, but nevertheless so full of arrogance that they esteem no other Nation. These are things which are difficult to be represented by writing, and impossible to be believ'd but by them who have been Eyewitnesses hereof, as I have been too long.

Surely it must be imputed to this arrogant nature of theirs, that they think no man worthy to be their King by birth, but by Election. Nature is not wor∣thy and wise enough to give them a King, but they must choose one them∣selves. And it is observable that they are the only people among Mortals, who fetch their Kings from far, and admit Forreners to rule over them, and one reason may be, that they who are acquainted with the squalidness of the Country, will not take upon them such a spendid slavery. But the truth is, that Poland hath neither King nor Kingdom, but it is a kind of confus'd Oligarchycall kind of Government; which made the Lady Christina, Caesars Daughter, and Wife to Uladislaus the 5. so say, summum illud jus, & authorita∣tem Monarchiae in Polonia esse vmbratilem. That the highest power and authori∣ty of the Polish Monarchy is meerly umbraticall, 'tis but a shadow of a pow∣er; for neither in the OEconomicall Government of his domestick family, nor in choosing himself a Wife, much lesse in the senate hath he any power of free will.

Therefore most excellent and judicious Princes, for to make Poland to have a precedence of the rest of the Provinces of Europe is the same, as when the Bramble, according to the holy text, was made the King of Trees.

Dixi.