A German diet, or, The ballance of Europe wherein the power and vveaknes ... of all the kingdoms and states of Christendom are impartially poiz'd : at a solemn convention of som German princes in sundry elaborat orations pro & con ... / by James Howell, Esq.

THE ORATION OF THE LORD DANIEL VON WENSIN, AGAINST GREAT BRITAIN.

Most Excellent Lord President, and Princes,

NOw, that I am to speak of the Britains, I will begin my Oration with that of Ausonius, Nemo bonus Britto est—No good man is a Britain, which ever since grew to be a Proverb. God forbid this should be verified of all, but I believe I shal rectify the judgment of those noble princes who spoak before me, that (as I observ'd when I so∣journ'd there) neither the Countrey of Great Britain, nor her Inhabitants are generally so good as they by their perswasive and powerfull Oratory would induce you to give credit un∣to. For as the English sea is unfaithfull, and from Beerfleet in Normandy almost to the midst of the chanell is full of rocks and illfavourd ragged places (wher∣in prince VVilliam, son to Henry the first, and Heir apparant to England and Normandy, was cast away by shipwrack, together with his sister, and a great ma∣ny noble personages besides) so the nature of the Britains may be said to be full of craggs and shelfs of sands, that vertue cannot sayle safely among them without hazarding a wreck. England is not such a paradis, nor the Angli such Angeli (though styld so by a Popes mouth) which you make them to be, most Illustrious Baron of Ewbeswald. First, for the Countrey it self it is not sufficient∣ly inhabited, notwithstanding there be some Colonies of Walloons & Hollanders among them. The earth doth witnes this, which wants culture, and the sea is a greater witnes that wants fishermen; Touching the first, it is a meere desert in some places, having no kind of agriculture, though she be capable of it; And for the other, the Hollanders make more benefit upon their coasts then they themselves, and which is a very reproachfull thing, they use to buy their own fish of them. 'Tis incredible how many hundreds of Busses they of Holland put forth every yeer, and what infinit benefit they make thereof. Therefore Gount Gondamar the Spanish Ambassador had some reason to say, that the King of Great Britain had a richer mine upon his coasts (meaning fishing) then his Master had, either at Mexico or Peru, if he knew how to make right use of them; some of the Charibbi Ilands also, which the English have as Antego, Mevis, and others, which have not neer the number of men which should colonize them, shew the scarcity of the peeple of Britain, or which is worse, their sloth.

Now, touching the Inhabitants of Great Britain 'tis well known, as the sea tumbleth perpetually about the Countrey, so their braines do fluctuat in their

noddles, which makes them so variable and unsteady; And herein they are little inferior to their next transmarin neighbours the French, only they use to come short of them in point of counsell and policy, wherein the French hath been too hard for them in all Treaties. But they exceed the French in superstitious kinds of vanities, specially, (as many writers brand them) with prophecies, and old Milesian tales, being very apt in arduous & important businesses to suf∣fer their belief to be transported that way; and as Tages was to the Hetrus∣cans,

Indigenae dixere Tagen, qui primus Hetruscam Edocuit gentem casus aperire futuros.

So Merlin of Caermarthen the son of an Incubus left behind him some things which they believe as Oracles, though they be meere Orestes dreames. To this Merlin I may add that Arch-Heretick Pelagius (whose true name was Morgan, an old British name) who in Europe, Afrique, and Asia, belchd out such perni∣cious opinions, as Prosper sayed,

Pestifero vomuit Coluber sermone Britannus,

Like a poysonous Viper he vomited much venome;

But in point of solid learning the English are much degenerated from what they were, they are grown more flashy, and superficiall, and nothing so pious as they us'd to be; where shall we find now among them a Winfred, an Alcuin, a Bede, men that converted whole Nations? Yet this must be imputed to their supinesse and sloth, rather then to decay of Nature in their intellectualls. Now, in point of idlenes the women sympathize with their men, who have not onely their faces, but their hands mask'd with leather, for fear their skin should be too much hardned with working; And for their femalls they seem to be Her∣maphrodits at first appearance, for they use to weare hatts as men do, with toting feathers in them. There cannot be found now among them such a woman as Queen Anne was, daughter to the Emperour Charles the fourth, married to Ri∣chard the second, who first reform'd that wanton, unseemly fashion of riding astride on horseback. Their men of late yeers are arrand pirats; one of them, call'd captain Ward, did do Christendom one of the greatest mischiefs that ever was done, by teaching the Art of piracy, and a better way of building shipps to the picaroons of Algier and Tunis. They go roving abroad to other seas, when their own might find them work enough, if they would make use of the comodities they affoord. They are but dull for invention, whereas 'tis true they use to add something when they have seene a thing; For matter of manu∣factures of cloth, and Kersies with other woollen stuffs, they were Flemmins that taught them first, as also all goldsmiths work, and argentry, with judg∣ment in Jewells. Add hereunto that it is the proper humor of the English to be arrogant, high minded and proud, yea in forren Countreys; where if they have a little language, they will keep such a magnifying of their own Iland, that it is fastidious to hear them. Nor of any other Nation can they agree among themselves when they are abroad, specially the Marchants, who are envious, and repine at one anothers profit; and so ready to cut one anothers throat. When the Prince of Wales was in Spain, thinking to have the Infanta for his wife, it was observ'd that the cariage of the English was very insolent there; for some of them being dieted in the Kings House, they would fall a vilifying the Spa∣nish fare, extolling ever and anon the good beef of England; which was so much taken notice of, that it did much hurt to the treaty of the match.

There is a saying, and 'tis a true one, That England may be call'd the Hell of Horses, the Purgatory of servánts, and the Paradis of Women. Touching the first, the English take a great pride in galloping, and post it on the high way, as if they were going for a ghostly father, a midwife, or a physician for one mor∣tally

sick, though indeed there be no cause of any hast at all; and then the poor beast is thrust into some cold corner, all in a water, where he commonly contracts some distemper. Then have you huge long Races, whereof there are many hundreds in England, wherein a poor sprightfull horse is rid off his legges, and made to spend his very lungs, having holes in his flank that will hide rowell and beame. And in this kinde of pastime, there is more cunning, and rooking then in Cardes and Dice, or any other sport. Then for their Carrs and Carts they are so unmeasurably loaden, that the track doth not only spoil the pavements of the streets and highwaies as they passe, but oftentimes it seems to break the very heart-strings of the poor passive animall; insomuch that of any Nation that holy Text is least observed by the English, A good man is mercifull to his beast.

England is the Purgatory of Servants; for they live no where in so much sla∣very: the poor Footman must keep pace with his Master when he gallops in Hunting, they are sent upon arrands forty, fifty miles a day. The Appren∣tices, though Gentlemens sonnes of good extraction, sometimes are put to fetch tankards of water, carry coales, to sweep the gutters, and doe other as servile offices, as slaves doe in other Countries; and Servingmen must not offer to put on their hats, though it rain, or the weather be never so cold, standing before their Master; which makes me think on a facetious tale of a German Gentleman, who having entertain'd an English servant, and ri∣ding before him through a rough foard, where the horses stayed to drink, and the servant keeping his hat in his hand, though the winde blew hard, his Master smil'd upon him saying, Put on thy hat fool; for our horses drink no healths.

But you will say that England is the Paradise of Women: then it is either for the extraordinary respect the husbands bear them by permitting them to be alwayes at the upper end of the Table (whither their lightnesse carries them sometimes) or for their extraordinary beauty. To the first I have nothing to say; but for the second, 'tis true, they are moulded commonly of good flesh and blood, and have sanguine clear complexions, but they are withall fleg∣matick and dull, and many thousands of them are so massie and big, that they seem men rather than women, unlesse they were distinguished by their clothes.

Now touching the haughtinesse of minde that is naturall in the English, there is one notable example in the person of Nicolas Breakspeare, born at Langley in Hartfordshire, who, being elevated to the Popedome by the name of Adrian the fourth, came to such a height of arrogance, that he rebuked the Emperour for writing his name before him in a certain Instrument. And be∣ing to hold the stirrup while that Adrian mounted, he took hold of the wrong; but a little flie cur'd in him this humour of pride, who getting into his throat choakt him, and so made him low enough. With such a spirit of pride was Thomas Wolsey possessed, who was at once Chancellor, Archbishop, and Cardinall, though a Butchers Son of Ipswich by blood. Charles the fift in his Letters subscrib'd himself his Son and Cosen; for indeed he had a designe for the advantage of his affairs, as they stood then, to advance him to the Popedom after the decease of Leo the tenth; but when the Emperour had exalted Adri∣an the sixth, a Brewers sonne, his Tutor, in lieu of the Butcher his Cosen, to the Chair, and having denied him also the Archbishoprick of Toledo, he grew so implacable to the Emperour, that he set all wheeles a going to make both England and France to bandy against him. He therefore began to whisper some surmises into Henry's eare touching Katharine of Aragon his Queen, VVhether the match was consonant to the holy Scriptures, she having been his eldest brothers wife before; and he raised this doubt the rather, because the said Queen had miscarried so often in Childbirth of Male Princes. The Cardinal knowing his Masters humor, might well think that this would make impressions within

him, and so recommended unto him the Lady Margaret, Sister to the King of France; but when this scruple was thrust into the Kings thoughts, and that a Divorce was procurable, he did not look towards France, but he cast his eyes upon Anne, daughter to Sir Thomas Bolen, having no regard to Majesty, but beauty and lust. This cool'd Wolsey from negotiating the said Divorce, and made him spinne out the time by tergiversations and delayes; which his Ma∣ster perceiving, his favour began to decline towards him, and so he died, some say, out of apprehension of grief, others say by poyson. This Wolsey was a man of a notable high spirit, and vast designes, and among other passages which discovered it, one was, that having built a Colledge in Oxford, he put his own Armes before the Kings, with this Motto, Ego & Rex meus, I and my King: which, as one wittily said, might be true by the rule of Grammar, which tels us that the first person is more worthy than the third, but the Moral rule tels us otherwise. He had such a splendid magnificent Family, than an Earl, nine Barons, and I cannot tell how many Knights and Squires, with near upon four hundred were his domestique servants; there were all likewise choice personable men whom he entertain'd, so that after his fall, divers of them came to be the Kings servants.

After Pride comes in the Lust and Luxury of the English; It stands upon good record how Pope Boniface writ to King Etheobald in these words, Gentes Anglorum spretis legalibus connubiis adulterando & luxuriando ad instar Sodomi∣ticae gentis faedam vitam ducere; The English Nation forsook their lawfull Wives, and like a Sodomiticall people spent their lives in Adultery and Lux∣ury. There was one of the Henries left thirteen Bastards behinde him, as some write; and it was more than probable that Anne of Bolen (who was call'd in France, La Mule du Roy, & l'haquenée d'Angleterre, The Kings Mule, and the English hackney) I say, according to some Writers, it was more than proba∣ble, that she was both Daughter and Wife to the eighth Henry: Among others, one inference was, that when Sir Francis Brian, who was a facetious Knight, asked the King what it was to lie with the Daughter and the Mother, It was no more, said he, than to eat the hen first, and the chicken after. This King mar∣ried six several Wives, whereof the second and the fift he chopt off their heads with an Axe; the first and fourth he repudiated; the third was destroyed in childbearing; the sixt he left behind him. This was that mercilesse Prince who sign'd a Warrant for beheading some Noblemen upon his very death-bed, and being much troubled in conscience, as he was taking his farewell of the world, the last word he breathed out to the Bishop by him, was, All is lost, all is lost, and so expir'd, to go before the Tribunall of Heaven to give account of his life, wherein he had confessed before, that He had never spar'd man in his rage, nor wo∣man in his lust.

But you say that the English are strenuous and stout: they might be such in former ages, but now they are much degenerated, their warrs are now in Tap-houses and Tobacco-shops; for since Drake brought that inchanting Nicotian Drugge from the Indies against crudities and rheums, the use thereof is so frequent in England, that it is incredible; the very Impost of that Indian smoak alone amounting to more than Queen Elizabeth received in custom for all commodities whatsoever. In Ireland also this Weed is taken excessively in sneezing, which the Husbandman at the Plough-taile, and the servant mayd at the washing block doe use to suck into their nostrils to beget new spirits in them when they are tyr'd with labour. King Iames was a great enemy to this smoak, and when he was a Hunting if any fogge or mist would rise up to inter∣rupt his sport, he would swear that Belzebub was then taking Tobacco; and be∣ing once surprised with a great showre of rain, and forced to goe to a Pigstie for shelter, he caused a pipe of Tobacco to be taken, that one stink, as extremes use to doe, might drive out another. Moreover since the English have been ac∣customed to have Beer for their beverage so much, not using so universally

the old drink of England, which is Ale; the Hop by its inflammation hath made them more subject to diseases, fill'd them with gravell, and so troubled them with the Stone, Strangury, and Coliques. These with drinking such sophisticated Wines, hath much enervated the English Nation in point of strength, which in former times was such, that they could draw an arrow of an Ell long, and make the Gray-goose-wing fly through the heart of France. And now that I speak of Wine, it is so adulterated in England, that it drinks in some places like a Potion; and I beleeve as many dye there by drinking bad Wines, as of any other disease; for indeed all Vintners are Brewers in England, they mixe French Wines with Syder, the Spanish with milk, and feed other Wines with flesh very frequently.

Now for the Valour of the English in France, whereof the noble Baron hath spoken so much, they were very valiant indeed, when a silly Shephear∣desse, Anne d' Arc did beat them away from before Orleans, pursued them to Paris, and so drive them over the Seine to Normandy, and when they could not be reveng'd of this Mayd in the Field, being taken by a Stratageme, they cut her off by a forged accusation, that she was a Sorceresse forsooth. Then was the time, if the English had comported themselves like men of prowesse and policy, to have reduc'd all France under a perpetuall subjection, King Charles the seventh being driven to such streights, that he was constrain'd to fly to Bour∣ges, and so for the time was in a jeering way call'd King of Berry. But that notable mayd at her execution being tied to the stake was nothing daunted, but left prosperity and victory for a legacy to her Countrey men, till the Eng∣lish should be beaten quite out of France, as they were afterwards; for being dri∣ven and dogg'd as far as Calais, they kept that a while, but afterwards they were by a writ of ejectment publish'd by sound of drum and trumpet, as also by the Canon & Musket of the Duke of Guise, thrust out of Calais, and so casheer'd quite out of France; which sunck so deep, and made such black impressions of sorrow upon the heart of Queen Mary of England, that she would often say, if she were open'd after death, the town of Calais would be found Engraven in her heart. Now for the piety, goodnes and vertu of the English, which the noble Baron did so much magnifie, you may judge what it was in those dayes by the ingenuous confession of an English Captain, who when he had truss'd up his bagg and ba∣gage to go for England, as he was going out of the gate he in a geering way was ask'd, O Englishmen, when will you back again to France? The Captain with a sad serious countenance answer'd, When the sinns of France are greater then the sinns of England, then will the English return to France. Nor indeed had the French much cause to affect the English, in regard of their insolence and cruelty, wherof there be divers examples: for in some good successes they had, the victory was more bloody then the battaill, cutting of prisoners off in cold blood for their greater security. But the English must needs be cruell in a Forren Countrey, when they use to be so in their own. What a barbarous act was that of Edward the fourth, to clapp up his own brother, George Duke of Clarence, in prison, and afterwards to drown him in a butt of Muscadin, by a new invention of death. But to descend to neerer times, what an act of immanity and ignoblenes was that in Queen Elizabeth, when she promis'd safety & welcom to Mary Queen of Scotts, and Dowager of France, if she came to England, for preventing the machinations of her rebellious subjects against her, and afterwards to suffer her to be hurried from one prison to another for twenty yeares, and then to suffer her head to be chop'd off, and by a cunning kind of dissimulation to lay the fault upon Davison her secretary, and throw the bloud into his face, under pretence that he sent the warrant for her execution without her knowledge? Truly this was a most inglorious act, and the reproach of it will never be worn out, but will stick as a black spot to England while she is an Iland, nor can all the water of the Sea about her wash off the stain, but it wil continue still indelible. But 'tis the more strange, that Queen Elizabeth should doe this, a

Queen that had been herself bred up a good while in the school of affliction, and might be said to have come from the Scaffold to the Throne, I say 'tis strange that she should not be more sensible of anothers calamity. Dido the Pa∣gan Queen out of a sweet tendernes could say, Non ignara mali miseris succur∣rere disco, and it had more becom'd Queen Elizabeth to have said so, being a Christian Queen. That Queen Elizabeth should do this to her own Cosen, and sister Queen, one as good as herself, who after an invitation to England would never suffer her to have the comfort of her presence all the while; That Queen Elizabeth who was cryed up and down the world to be so just, so ver∣tuous, so full of clemency should do this, it doth aggravat the fact much more then if another had done it. I must confesse she lost much repute abroad for it; Satyres, pasquills, and invectives being made in every corner of Christendom: among others I will recite unto you one that was belch'd out in France, which was thus,

Anglois vous dites qu'entre vous Un seul loup vivant on ne trouve, Non, mais vous avez une Louve Pire qu'un million de loups.

No Wolfs ye Englishmen do say Live in your Ile, or beasts of prey, No, but a Wolfesse you have one Worse then a thousand Wolfs alone.

Among other Kings and Queens of England the example of this Queen and her Father may serve to verifie the saying of Porphyrius which you alledg'd, most noble Baron, Britannia fertilis Provincia Tyrannorum; That Great Britan∣ny is a province fruitfull for Tyrants. Now Nimrod was call'd the Robustus Ve∣nator, the strong Hunter, which the Divines do interpret to be a mighty Ty∣rant; And certainly the chasing and hunting of beasts, the killing of them, the washing of the Kings hands in their blood, and feasting with them afterwards, must needs make the minds of princes more ferocious, and lesse inclinable to clemency; wherefore they have a wholsom law in England, that no Butcher who is habituated to blood may be capable to be a Juryman to give verdit up∣on any mans life. The Nobles of England may in some kind be call'd Carnificers of some sorts of beasts, as the buck, and the doe; with other such poor harmeles creatures, whereof some have no gall in them: for having wounded them first, and then worried them down with their doggs, at last as a signall of victory they bath their fingers in the blood of the poor animall, which they call to take the essay; but certainly this must conduce to obdurat human hearts, and as it were flesh them in blood. Now 'tis well known there are no Kings on earth such great hunters as the English, and who have more of variety of sport in that kind then any, for there are more Forests, Chaces, and Parks (besides va∣riety of Royall palaces) annexed to the Crown of England then to any other of Europe, which might make the Countrey far more copious of corn, fuller of cattle, and have fewer beggars, if they were made arable grounds, or turn'd to pasturage. Moreover the English Kings may not improperly be call'd Nim∣rods, as Bodin hath it herein, considering what rigorous punishments use to be inflicted upon the poor peeple, by vertu of the Forest lawes. In the book call'd Liber Rufus, there was one law enacted in Canutus time, Omnis homo abstineat a Venerijs meis super poenam vitae, Upon pain of life let every man refrain from my deer and my hunting places.

The Swainmote Courts have harsh punishments and amercements, and for the poor Husbandman ther's no remedy for him against the Kings dear, though they lye all night in his corn, and spoile it; Sarisburiensis, a reverend and au∣thentic Author, comprehends all this in a few words, when he speaks of the

exorbitancies of England in this kind. Quod magis mirere, ait, pedicas parare, avibus, laqueos texere, allicere nodis aut fistula, aut quibuscun{que} insidijs supplantare ex edicto saepe fit genus criminis, & vel proscriptione bonorum mulctatur, vel mem∣brorum punitur, salutis{que} dispendio; Volucres coeli, & pisces maris communes esse audieras, sed hae Fisci sunt, quas venatica exigit ubicun{que} volant: manum contine, abstine, ne & tu in poenam laesae majestatis venantibus caedas in praedam. Anovalibus suis arcentur Agricolae, dum ferae habeant vagandi libertatem, illis ut pascua auge∣antur, praedia subtrahantur Agricolis, sationalia insitiva Colonis, cùm pascua ar∣mentarijs & gregarijs, tum alvearia a floralibus excludunt, ipsis quo{que} apibus vix naturali libertate uti permissum est. But that which is more to be wondred at, saith Sarisburiensis, is, that to lay netts, to prepare trapps, to allure birds by a whissle, or to supplant them by any kind of wile becomes oftentimes a kind of crime by the Edicts of England, and is punish'd either by amercement, or some corporall punishment; whereas in other climes the birds of the Air, and the fish of the Sea are common, but not in England; they belong to the Fisk, or some particular person; you must hold your hand, and refraine for fear of comit∣ting treason; The Yeoman is hunted away from his new plowd fields, while wild beasts have liberty to wander in them at pleasure; nay sometimes cattle are kept from pasture, and the Bees are scarce permitted to use their naturall liberty of sucking flowers.

But the English tyranny doth not terminat onely in the King, but it difuseth it selfe further among the Nobles; In so much that as Camden relates there were in King Stephens raigne as many tyrants in England as there were Castellans, or Governors of Castles; Stephani Regis tem∣poribus tot erant in Anglia tyranni, quot Castellorum Domini; Who arrogated to themselves regall rights and prerogatives, as coyning of money, marshall law, and the like; For now, there is no Kingdom on earth (Naples excepted) where there have been more frequent insurrections then in England: for as the Kings have been noted to be Tyrants, so the subjects are branded for devills. In the Civill warrs that happen'd in Comines time there were above fourescore that were slain by the fortune of war, and otherwise, of the blood Royall, besides the Kings themselves that perish'd; Whereupon when the Queen of Scots heard of the fatall sentence that was pronounc'd against her, with an intrepid and un∣daunted heart she said, as an Author of credit hath it, Angli in suos Reges sub∣inde caedibus saevierunt, ut neutiquam novum sit si etiam in me ex eorum sanguine natam itidem saevierint, If the English have been often so cruell in the slaughter of their own Kings, it is no new thing then, that they have grown so cruell to me that am descended of their blood. What a horrid and destructive conjura∣tion was that subterranean plot of the Gunpowder Treason? so bloody a de∣signe no age can parallell. It was like the wish of Caligula, who wish'd the pee∣ple of Rome had had but one neck, that he might cut it off at one blow; He had it onely in wish, but these had a reall attempt to blow up not onely the blood Royall, but all the Nobility and chief Gentry of the Kingdom: And Guido Faux who was to set fire to the powder, did shew so little sign of feare and repentance, that he boldly said, It was none but the great Devill of Hell who had discovered the plot, and hindred him from the execution of it; that God Al∣mighty had no hand in the discovery and prevention of that meritorious work, Which if it had taken effect, one of the Conspirators sayd, it would have satis∣fied for all the sins of his whole life, had he liv'd a thousand yeers after.

And whereas, my Noble Baron, you travelled in your highstrain'd and smooth Oration through all the Shires of England, and pointed at some things extraordinary in every one of them; you shall find that they have as many blemishes as they have blessings. When you extoll the Province of Corn∣wall so much, you should also have made mention of their Pyrrhocora∣cas, their Sea-theeves and Pirates, which are so thick as choughes among them. And whereas you magnifie Drake so much, he was no better then a Cor∣sary,

or a Skimmer of the Seas, and an Archpyrate, who, notwithstanding there was an Ambassador here resident from Spain, and a firm peace twixt the two Crownes; yet was he permitted to steal and robb by land as well as by Sea a∣mong the subjects of the King of Spain. Nor did he exercise cruelty on the Spaniards and Indians only, but upon his own Countrymen; as for example, when he landed at Port San Iulian, and finding a Gallowes there, set up by Ma∣gellan, he hang'd up by his own power a gentleman better then himself, which was M^r. Iohn Doughty, meerly out of envy, because he might not partake of the honor of his Expeditions. You praise Devonshire, and the Town of Exe∣ter especially, about which there growes nothing but thin Oates, and eares without grains in many places; but you should have remembred, that whereas Henry Duke of that City had married Edward the fourths Sister, yet in tat∣tered raggs, and barefooted, he was forc'd to begge his bread up and down in Flanders. Whereas you speak also of Dorsetshire, you should have call'd to mind the tyranny of King Henry the third, against de Linde, for killing one of his Dear, which was made a Hart in White Forrest; for which he was not one∣ly amerc'd in a great sum of money, but the Tenants of those Gentlemen that hunted with him were condemn'd to pay every year such a tax call'd White heart Silver, every year to the Exchequer. You passe also over Portland, a poor naked Iland without Woods or any kind of Fuel, but the ordure of beasts, w^ch they use for fyring. For Somersetshire, what huge tracts of wast grounds are found there up and down without Inhabitants, which makes it so subject to theeves and Robbers? Touching Hampshire, what a large act of sacriledge did King William commit there, by demolishing divers Churches, and take∣ing away the Glebes from God and men the space of thirty miles and up∣wards, making it a wild Forrest, to plant and people the Country with bruite beasts useful only for his hunting, venery and pleasure. But the judgements of Heaven fell visibly upon his Children; for Richard his second Son died of a Pestilential air in the same Forest. William Rufus, another Son of his, succeeding him in the Kingdome, was kill'd there also by the glance of an arrow from Sir Walter Terrell: Henry also his Granchild, Sonne to Robert his first begotten, breath'd his last there like Absolon, hanging at a bow while he was a hunting. 'Tis true that Barkshire hath one goodly structure, which is Winsor Castle; but most of the Country about is inhabited by savage beasts, who may be said to live better then the people thereabouts. For Surrey, you should have remem∣bred what a perfidious act Godwin Earl of Kent perform'd at Guilford; who be∣traying to Harald the Dane a young Prince, that was sent from Normandy to receive the Crown of England, was delivered to Harald the Dane. Sussex is infamous for the murther of King Sigebert by a Swineheard. And the Province of Kent will never wash away the foul stain she received for the sacrilegious murther of Thomas Becket, a Saintlike man; which assassinate was perpetrated in the very Church near the high Altar: for which crying and flagitious deed, they say, that the race of the murtherers have ever have since a white tuffe of hair in their heads, and the wind blowing in their faces whersoever they go. For Glocestershire, her inhabitants there are worthy of reproach, that by idlenesse and ignorance they would suffer the Vineyards there to decay ut∣terly, and in lieu of Wine be content with windy Sider. In Oxfordshire was that lustful Labarynth made at Woodstock, where Henry the second kept Rosa∣mond his Concubine, whom the revengful Queen poysoned. Now touching the City of London, the Metropolis of Great Britain, she may be well call'd a Monster, for she being the head, bears no proportion with the rest of the body, but is farre too bigge for it, and might serve a Kingdom thrice as bigge; but what Saint Hierom spoake of Constantinople, Eam nuditate omnium civitatum constructam fuisse, that she was made up of the nakednesse (and ruine) of o∣ther Cities, so may London be said to grow rich out of the poverty of other Towns. She is like the Spleen in the natural body, by whose swelling the rest

of the members pine away. And herein let me observe the poor policy of the fatheaded English, who suffer this one Town to be pamperd up, while other places though situated in as convenient places for Navigation▪ are ready to starve for want of trade. 'Tis true that Queen Elizabeth, King Iames and King Charles his Son, did put forth Proclamations for restraint of building in London, and that all the gentry should retire to their Country dwellings in the Vacation time, and at Christmas; but these Proclamations were like a fire put under a green wood, which did flash a little, but suffer'd presently to go again; so those Royal Proclamations were put in hot execution for a while, yet they quickly grew cold again. But indeed such is the crossgrain'd and contumacious perverse nature of the Londoners, specially the schismati∣cal part, that they suspect, or repine at any new command that comes from authority. For whereas there was a secure and comely durable way of structure inordred them, that every one should build for the future with stone or brick, and not with lath and wood; and that they should build regularly for the beauty, prospect and evennesse of the streets, as also that the Houses might not be subject to firing; Yet this obstinate selfwitted people do stand still in their own light, and fall againe to build with lath and lime, notwith∣standing that they know well enough the great advantages that would re∣dound to the City by the other mode of Edifice: In so much that in England ther's not near that Elegance of building generally as in other Cities, nor are their streetes so streight and lightsome; by reason the Houses paunch out, and are not so uniform as else where.

I could condescend to the praises you give of Essex & Suffolk, were it not that in the one, at Saint Edmunds Berry, there have happened so many popular tumults twixt the Monks and Citizens. And were it not for a sordid tenure that lands are held by them of Hemingstone, where Baldwin call'd le Petteur, held lands from the Crown by sarieanty, pro quibus debuit Die Natali Domini singulis annis coram Domino Rege Angliae unum saltum, unum suflatum & unum bumbulum, for which lands he was to pay one leap, one puff, and one crack of the taile, before the King upon Christmas day, every yeare under paine of forfeiting his Tenure! O brave Knight service! O Noble homage! O brave devotion upon the birth day of Christ.

Touching the Norfolk men, they are naturally wranglers and Cavillers. The Fenny situation of Cambridge is such, that I cannot wonder sufficiently how that place should be chosen out to be made a seat for the Muses. Hun∣tingtonshire Countrymen have such a rustiquenesse, that hardly admits any civility. Northhampton, and Leicestershire are so bald, that you can hardly see a tree as you passe through them. The people of Lincolnshire are infested with the affrightments of Crowlands Daemonical spirits. Notinghamshire doth delude the labour of the husbandman with the Sandinesse of their soyl. God deliver us from the Devills Posteriors at the Peak in Darbishire; War∣wik is choaked up with wood, there, as well as in Lincolnshire,

The Ordure of the Sow and Cow Doth make them fire and Sope enough.

I should like Worcester but for cold flatulent Perry. Stafford relates many odde fables of her Lake, and the River of Trent. In Shropshire the sweating sick∣nesse took its first rise, which dispers'd it self not onely all England over, but cross'd the Seas, found out and infested English bodies in other Regions. Chest∣er complaines for want of corn to make her bread. In Herefordshire there are walking Mountains; for in the year 1571. about 6. of the clock in the evening, there was a hill with a Rock underneath, did rise up as if she were awaken

out of a long sleep, and changing her old bed, did remove herself to a high∣er place, carrying with her trees, and folds of sheep, she left a gap behinde of forty foot broad, and eighty ells long, the whole peece of earth was above twenty Acres, and the motion lasted above a natural day, that the sayd Moantain was in travell. Radnor with her crags would frighten one; for the rest of Wales, though the inhabitants be courteous and antient, yet the country swels with such a conglobation of Mountains, that strangers would be hardly invited to visit her; which Mountaines in some places are so high, and yet so near one to another, that Shepheards may talk one to another from the tops of them, and not be able to meet one another in a whole day, by traversing from one Mountain to the other, through the valley, and precipices under∣neath.

Touching the large Province of York, whereas you averre that Constantine and his Mother Helen were Britaines, and born there, Nicephorus makes a question of it, and would have them to be of Bithynia. Towards Richmond there are such squalid uncouth places, and horrid Mountaines, that the English themselves call them the Northern Alpes, and there be such roaring streames of water which rush out of them, that the inhabitants name them Hell-becks, that is, Infernal, or Stygian Rivers.

Now for Scotland, Good Lord what a pittifull poor Country is it! It were no petty kinde of punishment to be banisht thither, for it is a Country onely for those to dwell in that want a Country, and have no part of the earth besides to dwell upon. In some parts the soyl is such, that it turns trees to stones, and wheat to oats; apples to crabbs, and melons to pumpions. In some places as you pass along, you shall see neither bird in the aire, nor beast on the earth, or worm creeping on the ground, nor scarce any vegetall, but a black gorsie soyl, a raw rheumatique air, or some craggy and squalid wild disconselate hils: And touching Woods, Groves, or Trees, as Stephen might have scap'd stoning in Holland for want of stones, so if Iudas had betrayed Christ in Scotland, he might (as one sayd) have repented before he could have found out a tree to have hang'd himself upon. And most noble Auditors, you may make easie conjectures of the poverty of Scotland by the demeans of the Crown, which scarce amount to a hundred thousand Dollars a year, which you know is the ordinary Income of a German Prince, and this both Boterus and Bodin do testifie, who were Eagle-ey'd Inspectors into the Revenues of all Kingdomes and States. And the answer which the Duke of Norfolk made Queen Elizabeth when she reprehended him for his presumption to marry the Queen of Scots, doth verifie this; Madam, said he, it is no great presumption in me to attempt this, for my Revenues are not much inferiour to the King of Scot∣lands. This induced the Queen Elizabeth to give King Iames, her Godsonne, and Successor, a Pension every year. Nor were the Revenues of the Crown of England any thing considerable, till of late years that Trade began to encrease so infinitely, and consequently the Customes, with Suits in Law since the de∣molition of Abbeyes, and the alienation of Church-Lands to the Crowne with the First-fruits, Fines, and other perquisites by Offices, and Courts of, Justice, I say before these additions to the Crown, the Revenue of the Crown of England was but very contemptible in comparison of other Princes. I must con∣fesse indeed that in these late Wars, the Wealth of England, as well as the Strength thereof, hath wonderfully appear'd; for I believe on both sides there hath been above two hundred Millions consum'd. And there is now coming into this new Republique, I beleeve, above twelve Millions of Crownes every year. And for her Strength, one may say, England was like a Horse, she knew not her own strength till now; for who would have thought that England could have put forth a hundred thousand foot, and forty thousand horse, all arm'd, besides her power at Sea? I say, who could have thought it?

Yet there were so many in number at least, betwixt King and Parliament at one time.

But to reflect again upon Scotland, as the Country is pittifully barren, in∣somuch that long Keale and short Keale, which is a kind of Cabbidge, that they can dress twenty sorts of wayes, is one of their principall food, besides fish, and some odde fowle, as the Solan Goose, which is their greatest Regalo, yet the Eater must stop his nose when he takes a bit into his mouth, the smell is so rank and strong. I say, as the Country is so steril, so is the people sordid, and subject to vermine. Good Lord what nasty little huts, and holes shall you finde there up and down; what dirty courts, and stables above the anckle deep cramm'd with dung. The sight of an ordinary Scots woman is a remedy a∣gainst Lust; for they are as big as Cows in the middle: Nature seems to make no distinction there between the two sexes, but the women commonly are as bigge limb'd as the men. These short commons at home drive the men com∣monly abroad to seek their fortunes in Swethland, Denmark and Poland, where they are in such multitudes, that in case of necessity, the King of Poland might put in the field thirty thousand Scots Pedlars, though they passe by the name of Merchants; for if one can come up to a horse and a pair of panniers, he presently assumes that name unto him. Now, though abroad the Scots are kept under a strict discipline that they cannot steal, yet at home they are no∣table theeves, and indeed the Caledonians were ever so to a proverb, they goe now under the names of Mossetroupers. Hear I pray what their own Coun∣try man, Iohn Lesley the Bishop of Rosse speaks of them, Noctu turmatim per invia loca, per{que} multos maeandros è suis finibus exeunt, interdiu in prostitutis la∣tibulis equos vires{que} suas recreant, donec eò tandem per tenebras quo volunt per∣veniant. Arrepta praeda similiter noctu per circuitus & devia loca dunt axat ad sua redeunt. Quò quis{que} peritior Dux per illas solitudines, anfractus & praecipitia, me∣dia caligine & tenebris esse potest, is ut ingeni•…•… excellens majore in honore habetur, & tanta calliditate hi valeut, ut rarissimè praedam sibi eripi sinant, nifi canum odo∣ratu, quorum ductu rectis semper vestigiis insequentium ab adversariis non nunquam capiantur. In the night time the Scots doe use to steal forth by troups, through odde invious places, and divers Meanders and windings; they bait in the way in some odde nook or cave, where they refresh themselves and their horses, untill they come unto the places they aime at, where they had intelligence there was booty for them, which when they have got, they return by some other devious passage, wheeling about until they are come to their own home. He who is the most cunning conductor through these unfrequented, and craggy by-places in the dark, is cried up to be a very knowing man, and conse∣quently he is held in greatest esteem. And so cautious & crafty they are in their art this way, that their prey is seldome or never taken away from them, unlesse they be pursued with Dogs.—But these Borderers or Mossetroopers, which this description aimes at, are far inferiour to the Highlanders or Redshankes, who sojourne 'twixt craggs and rocks, who in the art of Robbery, go much beyond all other; insomuch that it is a Law in Scotland, St quis ex aliqua illo∣rum gente damna intulerit, quicunque captus fuerit, aut damna resarciat, aut capite luat: When any of the Highlanders commit any Robbery, let the next that is taken repair the losse, or suffer death. I know I shall strike a horrour and astonishment into this Princely Assembly, by relating here what Saint Hierome writes of this people he saith, Se adolescentulum in Gallia vidisse Sco∣tos, gentem Britannicam, humanis vesci carnibus, & cum per sylvas porcorum greges, & armentorum pecudum{que} reperiant, pastorum nates, & faeminarum pa∣pillas solere abscindere, & has solas ciborum delicias arbitrar. When I was a young man among the Gaules, I saw Scots there, a people of Britain, who fed upon humane flesh, for when they passed through the Woods, where there were Swineheards, and other Shepheards, they us'd to seize upon, and cut off the

buttocks of the male, and paps of the female, which they us'd to feed upon as the greatest dainties.

For the Learning of the Scots, once in an age haply they produce a Wit, but tentimes they prove pestiferous; witness Buchanan and Knocks, which two villaines were fratres in malum, what a world of troubles have they rais'd? what a distraction did they bring on mens braines? what proud rascals were they in their own conceit? how they would vapour and raunt (an humor that is more the Scotchmans own than any) nay what a malitious and ingratefull monster was one of them? I mean Buchanan, who though a poor Paedagogue, yet he presum'd to write in such familiar terms, and disgorge such base invectives against so great a personage, as Mary Queen Dowager of France, and his own Soveraign Princesse, and which sets forth his abject spirit further, this Paedagogues pen was mercenary; for he was hir'd to doe it. Yet King Iames took him afterwards for his Tutor, notwithstanding that he had been so ingratefull, and bespatter'd his mother so fowly, as appeares by these pedantick dunsticall incongruous lines, this most base and scurrilous Libell which hee vomited against her with that virulencie.

O Maria, O Scota, O Meretrix, O quàm bene nota Impurè illota, Veneri dedidissima tota Quae stimulis mota, moechos trahis ad tua vota, Vino{que} praepota, facis id quod rancida Gota.

Reproba Regina, mage salax quam Messalina, Altera Faustina, semper recubans resupina, Pellex Palatina, temerans conjugia bina, Moribus lupina, Regni jurata ruina.

Belie incepisti tu quando puella fuisti, Inguine pruristi, procaxque viros petiisti, Hin•…•… excussisti pudorem, & aperuisti Seram tuae cistae quam claudere non potuisti.

Quid precor egisti tu in Francia quando fuisti? Antequam nupsisti, cum Cardinale coisti? Marito & tristi tu •…•…ornua multa dedisti, Contra & jus Christi vitrico temet subegisti.

Nec minus arsisti postquam in patriam rediisti, Nonne tuo mystae Davidi succubuisti? Unde viro tristi causam vindictae dedisti, Et huic & isti mortis tu causa fuisti.

Nonne vir•…•… est scitum te propinasse aconitum, Blandéque accitum somno jugulasse sopitum, Nec mora, protritum moechum duxisti maritum, Caede insignitum Regni scelerisque peritum.

At principatus moecho est pro munere datus, Hinc Scotiae status tumultibus est cruciatus, Miles & armatus jugi in statione locatus, Us{que} quò fugatus est Boshwellus dux sceleratus.

Ita{que} cun•…•… tota sic intus & in cute nota, Daemoni devota, tam prudens ut est Idiota, Ut sic amota cupimus ante omnia vota, Fortunae Rota si reflectat, vae tibi Scota.

But now that I have given a touch of Ingratitude, I think the Scots are a•…•… guilty of that base vice as any Nation. What mountainēs of favours did the two last Kings of England tumble upon them? What honors, offices, and dignities did they conferr upon them? What vast pensions had they from the English Exchequer? how did the last King enervat his own prerogative, to strengthen their priviledges? What gracious concessions did he make them, according to their own confessions? how he pull'd down Bishops at their re∣quest and distributed the lands amongst them; how at his last being in Scot∣land in Parliament he was so easy and yeelding unto them, that they did no∣thing but ask and have, In so much that as one said, he had granted them so much of his Royall right, that for the future he was but King of Scotland, as he was King of France, only Titular. How at his depar•…•…ure they confessed, that they had nothing to complain of for the government of Kirk or State, that they could imagine, and therefore in lieu of their gratitud their Parliament voted, that the old Act should be reviv'd, which is, that it should be det•…•…sta∣ble and damnable treason in any of the subjects of Scotland of what degree, condition or quality soever, to make any military levi•…•…s, or put themselves in armes without the Kings Royall commission; to observe which Act they took their oths upon the Evangelist, yet the yeer scarce revolv'd when they rais'd an Army, and rush'd into England, not only without his comission, but point blanck and expresly a∣gainst his Royall letters, wherein he desir'd them (as they confess'd themselves▪) since they had nothing to complain of, that they would be Spectators onely and no Actors in some differences which were 'twixt him and his English Sub∣jects, yet directly against his will and request they did thrust themselves in∣to the busines; And afterwards, when their own Country-man and King had fled to them in his greatest extremity for shelter and comfort, they most base∣ly sold him away. O monsters of men! O horrid ingratitude, and per•…•…idious∣nes, which hath cast such foule blemishes, and indelible Spo•…•…ts upon that nati∣on, that I believe all the water of the Tweed will never be able to wash away. But the judgments of heaven were never so visible upon any peeple as those which have fallen upon the Scots since; for besides the sweeping furious Plague that raign'd in Edenburgh, and the incredible multitude of Witches which have encreas'd, and been executed there since, besides the sundry shamefull defeats they have receav'd by the English, who carried away more of them prisoners, then they were themselves in number, besides, that many of them died by meere hunger, besides, that they were sold away slaves, at half a crown a dozen, for forren plantations among sauvages; I say besides all this chaine of judgments with divers other, they have quite lost their reputation among all mankind; some jeer them, some hate them, and none pitty them. What's become now of their hundred and ten Kings which they us'd

to raunt of so much? What's become of their Crown which they bragg'd to be more weighty, and have more gold in it then any Crown in Chri∣stendome?

I will now by the continuance of the sweet gale of your Noble favours cross over to Ireland, another rough hewn Country, and crosse graind peope too; and indeed the Irish and Scots are originally but birds of one feather, the same tongue being maternal to both. Yet for the soyl and the climes, Ire∣land much exceeds Scotland; Nevertheless, the Country is full of boggs, of squalid and unfrequented places, of loughs and rude Fenns, of huge craggs and stony fruitlesse hills; the air is rhumatique, and the Inhabitants odiously nasty, sluggish and lowsie. Nay, some of them are Pagans to this day, and worship the new moon, for the kerns will pray unto her, that she would be pleas'd to leave them in as good health as she found them. For all the paines the English have taken to civilize them, yet they have many savage customes among them to this day; they plow their ground by tying their tacklings to •…•…he horses taile, which is much more painful to the poor beast, then if they were before his breast and on his back. They burn their corn in the husk in stead of threshing it, which out of meer sloth they will not do for preserving the Straw. But to set forth the Irish in their own colours, I pray hear how Saint Barnard describeth them, when he speakes of Saint Malachias a holy Irish Bishop of a place call'd then Conereth; a man that had no more of his Country rudenesse in him then a fish hath saltnesse of the Sea. Malachias, in∣quit Barnardus, tricesimo ferme aetatis suae anno consecratus Episcopus introducitur Conereth, hoc enim nomen Civitatis. Cum autem caepisset pro officio suo agere, tun•…•… intellexit homo Dei non ad homines se, sed ad bestias destinatum. Nusquam adhuc tales expertus fuer at in quantacunque barbarie, nusquam repererat sic protervos ad mores, sic ferales ad ritus, sic ad fidem impios, ad leges barbaros, cervicosos ad dis∣ciplinam▪ spurcos ad vitam, Christiani erant nomine, Re Pagani. Non decimas, non primitias dare, nec legitima inire conjugia, non facere confessiones. paenitentias nec qni peteret, ne•…•… qui daret penitus inveniri. Ministri altaris pauci admodum erant, sed enim quid opus pluribus, ubi ipsa paucitas inter Laicos propemodum otiosa va∣caret? Non erat quod de suis fr•…•…ctificarent officiis in populo nequam. Nec enim in Ecoles•…•…iis aut prae•…•…icantis vox, aut cantant is audiebatur. Quid faceret Athleta Domini? aut turpiter cedendum, ant periculosè certandum: sed qui se pastorem & non mercenarium agnoscebat, elegit stare potius quam fugere, paratus animam suam da∣re pro ovibus si oportuerit. Et quanquam omnes lupi & Oves nullae, stetit in medio luporum pastor intrepidus, omnimodo argumentosus quomodo faceret oves de lupis. Malachias, saith Saint Barnard, in the 33. year of his age, was consecrated Bishop of Conereth, but when he began to officiate, and to exercise his ho∣ly function, he found that he had to deal with beasts rather then with men, for he never met with the like among any Barbarians, He never found any so in∣docil for manners, so savage in customes, so impious in their faith, so barba∣rous in their lawes, so stiffnecked for discipline, so sordid in their carriage. They were Christians in name, but Pagans in deed. There were none found that would pay tiths or first fruits, that would confine themselves to lawfull wedlock, that would confesse, or doe any acts of penitence: For there were very few Ministers of the altar, and those few did live licentiously among the Laiques; Neither the voice of the Preacher or singing man was heard in the Church: Now, what should the Champion of God do? He must recede with shame, or strive with danger, but knowing that he was a true Pastor and not a hireling, he chose to stay rather then flye, being ready to sacrifice his life for his sheep. And though they were all Wolfs, and no sheep, yet the faith∣ful shepheard stood fearlesse in the midst of them, debating with himself how he might turn them from Wolfes to sheep.

It seems this holy Father S. Bernard was well acquainted with Ireland by

this relation; for ther's no Countrey so wolvish: they are in up and down heards in some places, and devoure multitudes not only of cattle but men. In deed of late yeers Ireland, I must confesse, was much improv'd both in point of civility as also in wealth and commerce; Their mud cottages up and down, specially in Dublin, where the Court was, turnd to fair brick or free-stone-houses; Ire∣land was made to stand upon her own leggs, and not onely to pay the standing English army which was there, and us'd to be payd out of the Exchequer at Westminster, but to maintain the Vice-Roy with all the Officers besides of her self, and to affoord the King of England a considerable revenu every yeer; and this was done by the management and activity of the last Lord Deputy, after whose arrivall the Countrey did thrive wonderfully in traffic (which is the great artery of every •…•…land) and in all bravery besides. In so much that the Court of Dublin in point of splendidnes might compare with that of England; But that refractory haf-witted peeple did not know when they were well.

But now I will leave the Irish to his Bony clabber, and the Scot to his long Keall, and short Keall, being loth to make your eares do penance in listning to so harsh discourses. Therefore to conclude, most noble Princes, I conceave it a high presumption in Great Britain to stand for the principality of Europe, considering how many inconveniences attend her: for first though she be most of all potent at sea, yet she cannot set a ship under sayle in perfect equipage without the help of other Countreys, she hath her cordage, pitch and tarr, she hath her masts, and brasse Canons from abroad▪ onely she hath indeed incom∣parable Oke, and knee timber of her own; she abounds 'tis true with many commodities, but they are rustic and coorse things in comparison of other Kingdoms, who have silk for her wooll, wine for her beer, gold and silver, for lead and tinne. For arts and sciences, for invention, and all kind of civilities she hath it from the Continent; Nay the language she speaks, her very accents and words she borroweth els where, being but a dialect of ours. She hath a vast quantity of wast grounds, she hath barren, bad mountains, uncouth uncom∣fortable heaths, she hath many places subject to Agues and diseases, witnes your Kentish and Essex Agues; what a base jeer, as their own Poet Skelton hath it, have other Nations of the English, by calling them Stert men with long tailes, according to the verse,

Anglicus a tergo caudam gerit, ergo caveto.

What huge proportions of good ground lieth untill'd in regard of the sloth of her Inhabitants? she suffers her neighbours to eat her out of trade in her own commodities, she buyeth her own fish of them, They carry away her gammons of bacon, and by their art having made it harder and blacker, they sell it her againe for Westphalia, at thrice the rate; she hath affronted, impri∣sond, deposd, and destroyd many of her Kings; of late yeers she hath been baf∣led at Amboyna, she made a dishonorable return from Cales, she was fowly beaten at the Ile of Rè, the small handfulls of men she sent hither to Germany, in the behalfe of the Daughter of England, did her more discredit then honor. And her two lasts Kings were overreach'd in the Treaty touching the match with Spain, and the restitution of the Palatinate. She hath been a long time in a declining condition; her common people are grown insolent, her Nobi∣lity degenerous, her Gentry effeminate and fantasticall, they have brought down their wasts to the knees, where the points hang dangling, which were us'd to tie the middle, they weare Episcopal sleeves upon their leggs, and though they are farre from observing any rites of the Roman Church, yet they seem to keep As•…•…wensday all the year long by powdring not onely their locks and haire, but the upper parts of their doubletts, with the capes of

their cloakes; and the time was not many yeers since that they made them∣selves ridiculous to all the world by a sluttish yellow kind of starch, which was a pure invention of their own, and not an imitation of others, whereunto they are very subject; specially of the French, in so much that they may be said to be scarce men of themselves, but other mens Apes. Therefore most excellent President, and Princes, I see no reason why Great Britain should com∣pare with the other noble Continents of Europe; yet I allow Her to be Great within herself (if she had the wit to make use of her Greatnes,) and to be the Queen of Iles.

Dixi.