Heraclitus Christianus, or, The man of sorrow being a reflection on all states and conditions of human life : in three books.

CHAP. XIV. Of the Miseries of Marriage.

LET us now consider the happy or unhappy state of Marriage: and it is most certain, that if we would forge in our minds the Idea of an excellent and ac∣complisht Marriage on every side, as Pla∣to hath made in his Republick, and St. Au∣stin in his City of God; There's nothing in this world which may equal that state in delight: it being the consummation and real comfort of all our hopes and de∣sires, and the end of all our travel: That this is true, will more certainly appear, if we consider every thing: their Fortunes as well prosperous as adverse, are common; the bed common, the children common; and which is more, there's so great com∣monality of body and union of souls, that they seem as two transformed into one: and if the pleasure seemeth great to us, of conferring our affairs and secrets to our Friends and those that are nearest us, how much greater is the delight which we re∣ceive from the opening of our hearts to

her, who is linked to us in such bonds of love and duty, who is even as our selves, & to whom we discover the most intimate re∣cesses of our souls? What greater testimo∣ny can there be of vehement and indissolui∣ble amity, than to abandon and forsake Fa∣ther, Mother, and all Relations, and to be as it were an enemy to ones self, for to follow a Husband whom she wholly cleaves to; and having all other things in méprisi∣on, depends alone on him? If he be rich, she keeps his wealth; if poor, she employ∣eth all the artifice which nature hath gi∣ven her to share with him in his adversity; if he be in prosperity, his felieity is doubled in her, seeing her participate in it; if he be in adversity, he beareth but half of the evil; and moreover he is comforted and as∣sisted by her; if he would dwell retired and solitary at home, he hath one that will bear him company, who will com∣fort him and make him digest more easily the incommodiousness of solitude; if he will go into the Country, she conducteth him with her eye as far as the sight of it can reach; she desireth and wisheth for him being abfent, sigheth and complain∣eth, lamenting as if he was always near her; being returned, he is welcomed and received into her imbraces: so that it

seemeth to speak the truth, that the Wo∣man is a Coelestial gift bestowed upon man, as well for the refreshment and content∣ment of his Youth, as the repose and so∣lace of his old Age. Nature can give us but one Father and one Mother, but Mar∣riage representeth many to us in our chil∣dren, who reverence and honour us, and have us more dear unto them than their own lives; being young and little, they toy and prattle about us, and prepare us an infinite of pleasures: so that they seem as it were amusements and play-things which nature hath given us to deceive and pass away part of our miserable life. Are we besieged with old Age (a thing forced and common to all), they mitigate the irksomness of it, close our eyes, and take care of our decent burial; they being our flesh and blood, in seeing them we behold our selves; so that the Father seeing his Children, seeth himself as it were young a∣gain in them, who immortalize him in pro∣creating of others after him.

I would not for fear of being accused of inconstancy, despise that which I have so much exalted; but because my Sub∣ject which treateth of all States of Life, requires that I should not excuse this no more than others: I shall therefore in

short, recapitulate that which I have read in many Authors, who confess with me that there is much of sweetness and de∣liciousness in Marriage; but if one did well consider and weigh in a just balance the great and insupportable vexations which are found in it, it will appear to be replenish'd no less with miseries than o∣thers. The Athenians, a people famous for their wisdom and prudence, observing that the wives could not well accord with their Husbands by reason of an infinite of strifes and dissentions which arose ordinarily be∣twixt them, were constrained to establish in their Republick certain Magistrates, whom they called Reconcilers of those that were Married, the office and only business of whom was to reduce them to concord by all ways and means that were possible. The Spartans in their Republick had likewise ordered certain Magistrates, whose charge it was to correct the inso∣lencies of women, repress their arrogancy, and curb their audaciousness towards their Husbands. The Romans would not ordain Magistrates (thinking with themselves (perhaps) that men were not able to bri∣dle the unbridled temerity of women) but they would have their refuge to their gods, and to that purpose they Consecra∣ted

a Temple to the goddess whom they called Viriplaca, where they in the end made up their Domestick and private quar∣rels: But who can patiently endure the charges of Marriage, the insolency and arrogancy of women, the yoke of so im∣perfect a Sex? Who can furnish and satis∣fie their lustful appetite, their insatiable pomp? Saith not the Ancient Proverb, That Women and Ships are never so well fit∣ted, but that one shall find some thing or o∣ther that lacks mending. If thou takest her being poor, she will be despised, and thy self less esteemed; if rich and wealthy, thou makest thy self her slave and servant; for thinking to espouse an equal compa∣nion, thou shalt betroth thy self to an in∣supportable Mistress; if thou takest her deformed, thou canst not love her; if comely and handsome, she will be as a bush at thy door to draw in company; beauty is a Tower which is besieged and assaulted by all the world: and indeed that thing is difficult to keep and preserve, of which every one pretends to have the Key. Be∣hold the hazard, saith De la Perriere, of thy round-heads being made forked, which indeed were a fearful Metamor∣phosis if it were visible and apparent: The conclusion then is, That riches makes a wo∣man

proud; beauty, suspicious; defor∣mity, odious, &c. Wherefore Diponates having experimented the torments of Mar∣riage, said, That there was but two good days in it, one the wedding day, and the o∣ther in the which the wife died; the one whereon they were Married and in which they feasted and made good chear; the other day (which he said was good) was that on which the woman died, by the death of whom the Husband was freed and de∣livered from servitude. History makes mention of a Noble Roman, who the next morning after he had lain with his Wife, was very sad and pensive; and being questi∣oned by some of his Friends and familiars of the reason of his sadness, seeing that his wife was comely, rich, and of a Noble Extraction: shewing them his foot, he saith, Friends, my Shooe is new, neat, and well made, but you know not what part of my foot it rings me in. Philemon was wont to say, That a woman was a necessary evil: that there was nothing more scarcer in the world than a good woman: Following the ancient Proverb, That a good Woman, a good Mule, and a good Goat, were three wicked Beasts. Is any thing, saith Plu∣tarch, nimbler than the tongue of an un∣bridled woman? any thing more sharp

than her outrages? more rash than her audaciousness? more execrable than her malignity? more dangerous than her fury? and more dissimulative than her tears? not to take notice of every thing which he reckons up, that is more vexatious in a Conjugal state; where oftentimes one is forced to bring up children of other mens getting; or if our own, we are in danger of their being wicked, and they are oftentimes the dishonour and destruction of their Family, and a reproach to all their Generation. The Emperor Augustus was fully sensible of this, when he wish∣ed that his Wife had been Barren, and oftentimes called her and his Niece two blood-suckers.

Marc. Aurelius knowing well the advan∣tages of Marriage; as he was importun∣ed by some to marry his Daughter, Trouble me no more, faith he, with that matter, for if all the consultations and advices of all the wise men in the World were met in one, yet would they not suffice in the business of Marriage; and do you think that I can do it alone, and that so suddenly. It is six years since, saith he, that Antonius Pius chose me for his Son-in-law, and gave me the Em∣pire for a Dowry with his Daughter;

and yet notwithstanding both of us herein deceived, I in taking his Daughter for my Wife, and he in taking me for his Son. He was called Pius, by reason of his mild∣ness and Clemency to every one; but to me, saith he, he hath been hard and cruel, for in little flesh he hath given me a great many bones, which are as Gall and Aloes, which we find mingled in the sweets of Marriage; which (to speak the truth) we cannot so well mask or disguise with artificial words, but that we shall be constrained to confess, that if we would put in counterpoize the Eclip∣ses and misfortunes, (especially in second Marriages) with the pleasures and delights thereof, that the one will weigh down and far surpass the other; and indeed he that hath Children by his first wife, and hath thoughts of a second Marriage, ought a∣bove all things to consider (if so be his Children are beloved by him, and doth desire that they should so continue), that he now betroths himself to one whose ends and designs run in a chan∣nel quite contrary to his; and should we suppose her to be a woman of an even and pious temper, and one who in almost all things else would steer by the rules of impartial justice and good na∣ture,

yet in this case would she cry out with Julius Caesar, In aliis pietatem colam, and with Rebecca, That the Son of this bond-woman shall not be heir with my Son, how well soever outwardly she may pre∣tend to the contrary.