Paradoxical assertions and philosophical problems full of delight and recreation for all ladies and youthful fancies by R.H.

Why Drunken men run when they cannot stand? (Book 12)

THe reason of this is best confirm'd by simi∣lary demonstration. For example; Observe but how the violent current of an Impetuous River swelled up to the Banks by the sudden inun∣dation of showers and encrease of smaller Brooks and Rivulets being stopped by a dam or other obstacle, either runs backward, or over, or on each side of the dam, and at long running falls of it self. Just so a drunken person fill'd up to the very throat with wash, foams and is ready to run over at the Mouth, and will be running, though he be reeling on one side or other, till he gently falls into the Ocean of Liquor perhaps himself spued up but just before.

Is it then because his Brains are hot, and so heat becoming the cause of motion, as well as motion

is the cause of heat, that in this restless condition, the Ver•…•…igo of the Brain descends into the feet, and sets them on running also? Or are our Eng∣lish Drunkards like our Lancashire Bagpipes, no sooner full of Wine, as the others with winde, but going? It being observable in English men drunk or sober, that they rest not long in any one place. Whereas the tun-bellied Sedentary Dutch∣man, and more stayed Dane, though they be moved with Wine, yet move they not from the spot, till they fall dead on it under the Table, or are carried thence? Or doth the spirit of the Li∣quor infus'd encourage Philosophizing good fel∣lows to finde out the perpetual motion, that thus whilst the Spiket's out, the Drink running, Healths flying, the Smoak vapouring, their Brains turning round, and the World running round al∣so, they themselves should run also to bear them all company?

Or is not this Volatile Issue of the Brain caused by the Defluctions of Rheumes and Vapours thence, like an Issue of the Body, never well but running? Or is not the professed ▪Drunkard, like a Bowl, without a Biass, which is never well but Trouling and running awry and out o'th' way? For in truth when that force, that moves either of them, laggs; then both of them fall alike instant∣ly, as a stumbling horse will rumble forward a good while before he sinks down right.