Proteus redivivus, or, The art of wheedling or insinuation obtain'd by general conversation and extracted from the several humours, inclinations, and passions of both sexes, respecting their several ages, and suiting each profession or occupation / collected and methodized by the author of the first part of the English rogue.

CHAP. XII. The Wheedles, of an handsome Hostess.

OF these Hostesses there are several sorts. There is the City-Hostess, the Countrey-Town-

Hostess, and the Hostess on the Road; the two first have frequenter opportunities to Wheedle by reason of the variety, multiplicity, and con∣stancy of their Guests, yet, the last doth it as certainly, and less controulably than the for∣mer, but all three in a different manner. The City-Hostess takes more state upon her, and u∣seth a freedom which would seem scandalous, to the other in the Countrey; for she will fre∣quently admit of Treats abroad and, that her person may be noted at publick Meetings, Balls and Theaters, her splendid habiliments shall for∣cibly attract the eyes of the Spectators, causing in men an admiration, and an emulation in the women, for rather then they will want any thing of that Modish finery they observe in o∣thers. They will make their husbands pawn their Consciences, as well as their Credits, for that Point de Venice, or for another story of lace, more upon their Petty-coats; as if women thought mens fancies did not climb fast enough without such a Lecherous Love-Ladder. She never stirs out, but in her choicest ornaments, and is rarely seen within doors by her better Guests, but when she thinks her self most charm∣ingly adorn'd. Whereas the Countrey-Hostess never studies or consults her fineries, but against some Fair, or usuall Market-days, which she in∣deavours to grace with her best habiliments,

as much as she will do a Neighbours Christ∣ning. If her leisure will permit her to step to the Gate to shew her dressing, and thereby in∣vite her Guests to tast of her dish (which who can refrain, seeing it so well Guarnisht) she then seems to proclaim to all, that she is a fairer Commendation of her Inn, above the fair Signe although the Painting, Tafferels, and other Curiosities cost the valew of the Estate of a rising Constable. In this posture, as she stands, she proves a Loadstone that attracts not only men of Iron, but the Black-coat, and sober Citizens; if the first (that mighty man of Buff, and Feather) come but near her, he some∣times cleaves so long, that he is not easily got off, and will not only command Accommodation for himself, and horse, less beast than himself, but sometimes too for his beastly Compani∣ons.

The man that will not eat, and drink well, is not for her diet; for the first she knows by expe∣rience, that he that cannot eat well, will never do the feat well: besides, the sober man is not for her turn, because being always guarded: by Reason, all the assaults her Wheedles makes against him are bootless ineffectual; he is her man that will be drunk, who will be a man it may be to∣morrow morning, but for the present she can make him what she please; for having let go

himself from the hold, and stay of Reason, she knows he lyes open to the mercy of all tempta∣tions, and suits them according to his present inclinations. No lust but finds him disarm'd, and fenceless, and with the least assault enters; if he be rich, how will she humour him, and under the pretence of pleasing him with any thing, either eatably or liquid, she franckly calls for it to oblige her own pallat, and she shall pay dear∣ly for it to boot; and to make him believe how much she loves him, will not stirr from him but when business calls upon her: And when she returns, it shall be with such speed and cheer∣fulness, that if he be not quite drown'd in his liquor, with half an eye he may see the great∣ness of her love and kindness, and to make a demonstration thereof, the Husband, by her per∣swasions, and his compliance to her Wheedling-contrivances, shall go to bed, and so give them the opportunity of a private Conference; Now out-comes all his passions, vanities, and those shamefuller humours, which discretion cloaths, all which she converts to her own advantage; at length (with a thousand Protestations, she never admitted any to that freedom before, but her Husband, though a hundred preceded him) she sends him to bed, fully assured of his future, as well as present, happiness.

Of all men the young man is her Darling, whom she can best shape and fashion as she pleases, and can perswade him to any thing, for he sees but the outside of men and things, and conceives them according to their appear∣ing glister, and out of this ignorance believes them: thus she makes all her flatteries pass for real kindnesses; and the more to endear him to her, he must call her Mother, and will not be∣angry with her son if he commit Incest with her; and lest the rest of her adopted children should take exceptions at it she will give all of them (who have a mind to it) the same liberty. This Obligation ties them to the house, as firmly as a Galley-slave to the Oar, and this is for a while the only Rendez-vouz of all their Revels.

The truth on't is, she need not use many Wheedles to this sort of people to effect her de∣signes; for since their Reason seems not to curb, but only to understand their appetites; they prosecute the motions thereof with such eager earnestness, that being themselves their own temptation, they need not Satan to prompt them, if Wine and Women be in their com∣pany.

Of all her Guests there is none makes her such incomparable sport as the Fop, What dye lack, Sir? or the meer Trading-bubble of the

City, when he comes into the Countrey, as ignorant as the Clown, both of them being much about the same model and pitch of brain, only the ones ignorance is a little more fini∣cal. She knows him by his garb and bawl∣ing deportment when he rides into the yard, and indeed his posture in riding onely is enough to discover him, and the better to humour his vanity, she makes as great a noise as he, in calling on her servants to give him attendance, and then waits him at the Par∣lor door to welcom him with her smiles & cour∣tesies, whilst she is screwing her mouth into a round plumpness, that the warmth of her lips may signify the glowing of her other parts, and the fervency of that zeal she hath to serve him. The wine being brought (which must be a Pint of Mul'd Sack if in winter time,) Ninny drinks to Mystress Craftsby, which she kindly receives, and will not let the liquor cool in her hand by any means, but nimbly possess the cup till the pint be out: A cessation of sipping for a while being concluded on, they still proceed in the ex∣ercise of their mouths, by talking and billing: both their chief education lye in their Occupa∣tion, which indeavours to Apify the humours and manners of their best Guests, or Customers: the frequent visits of finical Gentlemen, fine Ladies and Gallants, Antartick to the City

fashion (who have a mode in Speech, as well as habit, peculiar to themselves) I say, from these he draws the infection of Eloquence and Fopperies, and catching any one word, which he imagines extraordinary (although he under∣stand not the Etymologie thereof) wears it for ever, and regards not how Thread-bare it is, by his often using it, so his habit be not in that condition. As he takes up Wares on Credit, so he does words, and in time, it may he, makes himself a Bankrupt as to both; for as he is affected with Complements, and gingling Expressions, so no man pays dearer for them, since severall debts in his Shop. Books are often payd by them. And this our subtle Hostess knows full well, and therefore fits him to a Hair, having had the same, or larger advantages of various society than himself. Having first tickled his ear with what pretty pleasant colle∣ctions of wit, she hath collected from the inge∣nious frequenters of her house, she then in∣deavours to inform her self what his profession is, & knowing that, not only praises the functi∣on, but promises to buy of him what she or her friends hath occasion to make use of; and that she may make it appear, that she hath not only rich Relations, but acquaintance of good quality, she recounts the names of such and such men of known Estates and Reputation; in hopes of such good Customers he calls free∣ly,

and drinks as plentifully, and having plyed him with warm cloaths, she gives him some small Encouragements of attaining her; the temptation takes, and every kiss proves a conspiracy; at length her petulant deportment gains over him a totall conquest, yet staves him off Fruition, by holding him in expectation, and Encouraging his hopes, she makes his shop-commodities dance after hers, and her Inn or house must be his home: If in the City, he willingly drinks no where else, obliges his friends to go with him, and institutes Clubs of several Trades, not to propagate their interest in the least but his own, and raise his reputation with the Hostess: If in the Countrey, he takes the benefit of the Air very often (as he calls it) for his healths sake, and so deludes his indulgent Wife, that she may not grumble at his absence, nor suspect his intentions, which are fully bent in the prosecution of his designed pleasures; and, that he may be the more made welcome when he comes alone, he often seduceth his Neigh∣bors to accompany him abroad, who (good na∣tur'd men) will not deny him that civility, and, though it be often repeated, (with great ex∣pence) yet they grutch it not, finding from their Country delights so full a compensation. The instigator to these rural Rambles is better satisfied in his thoughts, having cunningly per∣swaded them to club towards that satisfaction

he hath propounded to himself, which he be∣lieves they never shall have the happiness to in∣joy, and probably he neither: for if she be wife and prudent, she hath her Booms to keep off those who design to clap her aboard; and, haling in her Guns she may seem to be a fence∣less Merchant-man, to invite the Enemy to at∣raque her, but presently run them out again, and so make prize of him that would have done the like to her. Her interest may in some measure be her excuse, when she makes a more then common familiarity, play the Broker to vend her commodities faster, and at a better rate. What will not a Wink, a clap on the shoulder, a tread on the Toe, a wringing by the hand, a leer of the eye, or a low whispering, What say st'a doe, when mans stubborn treacherous design hath banisht his forecast; the good features of her face is the sole Center of all his desires, what then can she desire within the Circle of his abi∣lity, which she may not have? what obedience will he not shew? what Tyranny may she not use, when she hath gain'd the Conquest of his heart, if she can but keep possession of her self; 'tis true, a Man of War may board her again and again, and yet she values him not, and never shall rummidge her Hold, knowing how and when to clear her self of him, by blowing up her false Decks, not but that she will let a Man

freely enter, so that he be no Picqueroon or Ca∣per, but an honest Merchant, that will not only largely pay her for the Freight, but make her Supracargo too.

The bucksom lustie man is he (with money in his Pockets) whom she best esteems; a good face, and a proportionable body shall little a∣vail, where only Wheedling words, and not ex∣pence shall put a value on him; though she love her pleasure well, yet she will not cut the throat of her profit for its sake; There are indeed a sort of silly Things, who admire a man for his Parts, and are infinitely taken with his expres∣sions, which are so many fine Phrases set to∣gether, which serve equally for all Women and are equally to no purpose, unless somtimes they work upon their weakness; and lest the barrenness of his invention should not supply him with stuff to entertain these ignorant Pieces of wantonness; he is very careful of his dress, in the ordering of which he employs all the fa∣culties of his own soul, and his Tailors; This is the man they are so taken with, and this is that ill designing Simpleton that will perswade them to run from their Husbands, with what money or credit they can carry with them, and accompany him, who shall travel them the whole Kingdom over till all the money be spent; his Nagg then, that was before so

mettlesom, tires all of a sudden; and to the intent he may be rid of them, it may be he will do them the kindness, being friend-less, money-less, and in a strange place, to acquaint their Husbands where their Beasts have stray∣ed, whilst he, fearing to be called to an ac∣count for making a Market of them, is gone another way, whilst the poor over-ridden Jades are driven home to their shameful ha∣bitations. Methinks it is enough to make the worst of the whole Female Sex to blush, when they shall consider the greatness of the num∣ber of such women, who consulting their own lust and luxury, never consider the ruine of themselves and Family. The Wheedling Ho∣stess (that I here describe) is of another prin∣ciple; what she does she conceals from the eye of the World if she can; however, she will so warily demean her self, that the Cen∣sorious shall have no other grounds for their ill report, but bare suspicion, and that dis-re∣putation she knows how to house-wife to ad∣vantage, winking at the little talk of Neigh∣bors, that by her silence she may give some oc∣casion to believe, that what is said of her is a truth, that thereby they may be encouraged to make the like attempt; Mistake her not, as she is no Niggard of her pleasure, so she is no Prodigal of her profit, the one being subservi∣ent

to, and the supporter of each other; and that she may not lose any of her conquered people, she suffers them not to lie at Rack and Manger, but diets them for fear of surfeting, for she knows their constitution, and that their love is like their stomach, feeding on what it loves, and in the end loath what it loved, till a fresh appetite re-kindle them, which she does by Denials. Put-offs, Jealousies, Jarrings, and an hundred other studied humours; all which are as prevalent as the deluding faces of as many Misses. Her ways are like a Serpent on a Rock, and therefore shall not trace her any further; yet I might have drawn some obser∣vations from her management of the Kitchin, and her profound advice to the Female-Ser∣vants, how they shall deport themselves to the Guests, neither prostituting nor denying, but subtilly decoying those who make proffers of private kindnesses, but let this at present be sufficient.