The canting academy, or, The devils cabinet opened wherein is shewn the mysterious and villanous practices of that wicked crew, commonly known by the names of hectors, trapanners, gilts, &c. : to which is added a compleat canting-dictionary, both of old words, and such as are now most in use : with several new catches and songs, compos'd by the choisest wits of the age ...
Head, Richard, 1637?-1686?
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THE EPILOGUE: OR, Vices SAD CATASTROPHE.

Of Covetousness.

THe better hap a man hath to at∣tain to Riches, the more he is ac∣cursed, in being more tormented with the feavers of the mind and unquietness. This Vice is held to be the root of all evil, lacking as well those things which it enjoyeth, as which it wanteth.

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THe Scithians only make no use of Gold and Silver, for ever detesting and condemning the monstrous sin of covetousness. Solinus.

Caligula, was so covetous, that there was no kind of lucre, or mean to get money by, how un∣lawful soever it were, which he sought not out, in∣somuch as he laid a tribute upon Urine, and sold his Sisters Gowns, whom he had sent into banish∣ment. Valeius.

Calipha, King of Persia, having filled a Tower with Gold, Jewels, and precious Stores, and be∣ing in war with Allan King of Tarary, was so ill succoured of his own people, because he would not give them their pay, that he was taken of Allan, and famished in that Tower where all his Treasure lay.

Dionysius the Elder, advertised of one that had hid great store of money, commanded him upon pain of death to bring it to him, which he did, al∣though not all; but with the remainder dwelt in another place, & bestowed it upon an Inheritance, when Dionysius heard thereof, he sent him that which he took from him, saying, Now thou knowest how to use riches, take that I had from thee.

Hermocrates, ready to die, bequeathed his goods to himself.

One at the hour of his death, swallowed many pieces of God, and sewed the rest in his Coat, commanding that it should be buried with him Atheneus.

One besieged in the Tower of Cassilino by Han∣nibal, chose rather to sell a Rat which he had a∣ken for 200 Roman pence, than to satisfie hi hunger, whereof he died raight after, but the o∣ther saved his life by that dear meat. Valerius.

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The Popes Camera, or Eschequer, is like unto the Sea, wherein to all Rivers do run, and yet it overflweth not. P. Martyr.

The old Clergy being asked why they cannot live by 〈…〉 liness but by covetousness, answer∣ed, Nunc aliud tempus, alii pro tempore mores. Polychr.

Demonica betrayed Ephesus to Brennus of Se∣nona for Gold, who demanded her reward of him, who brought her to a great heap of gold, and loaded her so heavy therewith, that she died under the burden.

Euclio, had hidden such treasure under the ground, that he durst go out of his house for fear of robbing, nor tarry in it for fear of killing. Plautus.

Adrian, sirnamed Sophista, when a neighbour of his had sent him a few dainty fishes, for a present in a silver dish; he took both the silver dish and the fishes, saying to the Messenger, Thank thy Master, and tell him, I take his fishes for Novelties, and his sil∣ver dish for a present.

Simonides, when he was requested to do any thing gratis, id est, for nothing, said, That he had two Chests, the one shut up for thanks, the other open for money. Plut.

Vespasian, when he heard that a silver Image of great substance should be made for a Monument of his worthiness, he straight held out his hand, say∣ing, Behold, here is a place ready to set an Image, a sure foundation from falling.

Vespasian, of pure misery, niggardship, and co∣vetousness, commanded in Rome to be made pub∣like places to receive Urine, not to keep the City more sweet, but to the end they should give him more rent. Suetouius.

Simonides, being demanded why he hooded up Page  [unnumbered]money towards the end of his old age, Becausequoth he) I had rather leave my goods to mine ene∣mies, than to have need of the relief of my friends while I am alive.

Virgil, in his sixth book of Aeneiads, putteth those persons in Hell, which have done no good to their friends, kinsfolk, and neighbours, but have been wholly wedded to their riches, without im∣parting them to others. Virgil.

Ochus, King of Persia, would never go into the Countrey of Perseland, because that by the Law of the Realm, he was bound to give to every wo∣man that had born children, one French crown, and to every woman with child two.

Plato, thought it almost impossible, for a man very rich to be honest, yet Solon as wise as he, desi∣red to have riches, but not to get them by wrong. Plut.

Anacreon, having received of Polycrates five ta∣lents for a gift, was so much troubled for the space of two nights with care, how he might keep them, and how to imploy them best, that he carried them back again, saying, That they were not worth the pins he had already taken for them.

Socrates, being sent for by K. Archelaus, to come and receive store of Gold, sent him word that a measure was sold in Athens for a penny double; and that water cost him nothing.

Lycrgus, abrogated the use of Gold and Silver coyn, and appointed Iron money to be currant, by this means he banished from them the desire of Riches.

Caligula, took of every Curtezan, as much of her gain as she could get of any man at once.

Pertinax, being advanced to the degree of Em∣peror, did not forget his niggardliness, but parted Page  [unnumbered]Lettice and Arichooks in two, that the one half might be for his dinner, and the other for his Sup∣per. Eutropius.

The Parsimony of Fabritius, is not to be con∣demned, for the age wherein he lived, ought to excuse him, in the which all magnificence was un∣known to the Romans.

Justinian the Emperor, for himself procured Riches, and for the Devil he cheapned Souls, he was covetous, and maintained the heresie of the Pelagians.

Epimenides, curse of Riches was, that all the Treasures hoarded up by the covetous, should be wasted by the prodigal.

The Romans, and the Carthaginians, were friends a long time, but after they knew there was in Spain great mines of Gold and Silver, imme∣diately arose between them Civil Wars. P. Dia∣conus.

Darius, being very rich and covetous, sent to Alexander in scorn, to know where he had trea∣sure to maintain such an Army, who answered, Tell thy Master that he keepth in his Coffes his Treasures of Metals. and I have no other Treasure than the hearts of my friends. Plutarch.

Angelot, a Cardinal, was so covetous. that by a false door he descended into the Stable, and every night stole away the Oates which his Horse-keep∣ers had given his Horses, and continued it so long, till one of the Horse-keepers hiding himself in the stable, did so belabour him with a Pikefork, that he had much adoe to crawl away. J. Pontanus.

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Of Sloth.

In this Vice, Wit, Ʋnderstanding, Wisdom, and all honest endeavours are buried, as it were in a grave, from which ariseth the loathsome stench of corrupt maners and disordered life, making of men women, of women beasts, of beasts monsters.

ALexander, an Emperor of the East, given to to great idleness, demanded if he had long to live, they answered him, Yea, If he could take a∣way the teeth of a brazen Boar that stood in the Market-place; meaning thereby, that he should shorten his days, except he gave over his idleness. Zonarus.

A Senator of Rome, who was falured by an o∣ther, riding in his Chariot, answered, I will not say God save you, since in going thus at your ease, you shew you have no desire to live long.

Epaminondas, discharged all his Souldiers that grew fat, saying, That as a woman too fat doth not easily conceave, so doth fat hinder a man from doing his charge, as Arms which are too heavy.

Scipio, being arrived at his Camp, banished all Souldiers slaves, and Pages, and all unprofita∣ble people, and made each one to carry his own Armour.

The Sabies, having abundance of all kind of Riches, spent their times slothfully.

The Nabathies, having nothing but what they get by their virtue and labour, are good husbands, and abandon all idleness,

Metellus, when he was arrived in Africa, he took away whatsoever might seem to norih slothful∣ness, and caused Proclamation to be made, that Page  [unnumbered]none should presume to sell either bread or any o∣ther food dressed; that the Carriers of water should not follow the Camp, that the Souldiers should have no Pages, no Beasts of Carriage, that each one should keep his rank, cast his Trench, and carry his Victuals together with his Furniture. Salust.

In the Islands named Balares in Spain the Children might not eat, untill they with their slings they had strucken down their meat, which their Parents used o set for them upon an high beam or pool. Pliny.

Epaminondas killed one of his Souldiers being asleep, that was set to watch, saying, that he left him in the same estate that he found him.

The Kings of Persia and Macedonia, were every morning awaked, to put them in mind to take care of that which God had committed to their charge. Herodo.

At certain Games of Olympus, there came a Philosopher of Thebes, which had made all the apparel he wore himself; the Assem∣bly marvelling that one could do all this; he an∣swered, The sloth of man is the cause that one Art is divided into divers; for e that knoweth all Arts to∣gether, must needs know one alone. He was reputed a valn glorious Philsopher.

More hurtful was the City of Carthage to Rome after her destruction, than during the whole course and season of Wars which the Romans had with her; for that whilest they had enemies in Africk, they knew not what vices meant in Rome. Gue¦vara.

The great Numantia in Spain could never be won (notwithstanding fourteen years siege of the Romans) till Scipio purged his Camp of loyte∣rers, Page  [unnumbered]perfumers, and Harlots.

Darius plunged the Babylonis in all manner of idlenes, that they might not have the heart after∣ward to rebel.

The same policie used Cimon to diminish the force of his Allies, by granting them whatsoever they required.

The carelesness and negligence of Dionysius the Younger, getting the upper-hand of him, carried him to women and lechery, and at length did break in sunder his Adamant chains; that is, the great∣number of his warlike Souldiers, and his store of Gallies, of whom his Father had boasted that he left his Kingdom fast chained to his Son.

Sardanapalus through his slothfulnes was over∣come by Artabactus, and lost the Monarchy of Assyria.

The Pheacons counted it the greatest felicity that might be, to do nothing, 〈◊〉.

The Romans used to punish idleness so sharply, that the husbandman whose ground was found bar∣ren, and his pastures unoccupied, was presently put from the place, and his ground given to ano∣ther man.

Macarius and Diogenes, for that they would not be accounted idle persons, the one would remove heaps of sand from place to place, and the other would tumble his tub up and down.

Augustus did win the Souldiers unto him with rewards, the common sort with plenty of Victuals, and all generally with the pleasure of ease. Tacitus.

When Augustus reproached a certain Player be∣cayse through his occasion there was a tumult a∣mong the people, he answered, It is good for thee, O Casar, that the people be with held by our idle exer∣cises, from busying their brains about other matters.

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Of Gluttony.

This deadly enemy to health, replenisheth the body with Humors, Wind, Inflammations, Distillations and Operations; and change of Meats draweth plea∣sure out of the bounds of sufficiencie; Pleasure, in all things which pleaseth, where as in simple and uniform things, delight never exceedeth the appe∣tite and natural necessity.

THe Arigentines builded as though they should always live, and did seed as though they should always die. Plato.

The Emperor Septimus Severus and Jovinianus died with eating and drinking too much.

Valentinianus a famous Emperor, died sudden∣ly of a surset.

Lucullus being asked one day by his Servant, whom he had invited to his feast, seeing so much meat prepared? answered, Lucullus shall dine with Lucallus. Plut.

Vitellius Spinter, was so much given to gluttony and excess, that at one supper, he was served with two thousand several kind of fishes, and with 7000 flying Fowl.

Muleasses King of Tennis, after he was depri∣ved of his Kingdom, in his return out of Almaign, being without hope that the Emperor Charles the fifth would help him at all, he spent one hundred Crowus upon a Peacock dressed for him.

Maximilian the Emperor devoured in one day forty pounds of flesh, and drunk an hogshead of Wine.

Geta the Emperor, for three days together con∣tinued his Festival, and his delicates were brought Page  [unnumbered]in by order of the Alphabet.

Astydamas being invited by Ariobarzanes to a Banquet, eat up all that alone, which was provi∣ded for divers Guests.

There was a Contention between Hercules and Lepreas which of them both should-first devour an Oxe, in which attempt Lepreas was overcome; af∣terwards he challenged him for drinking, but Her∣cules was his Master.

Aglais, whose practise was to sound the Trum∣pet, devoured at every meal twelve pounds of flesh, with as much bread, as two bushels of wheat would make, and three gallons of Wine.

Philoxenes, a notorious glutton, wished he had a neck like a Crane, that the sweet meat which he eat might be long in going down. Ravisius.

Lucullus at a solemn and costly feast he made to certain Embassadors of Asia, among other things, he did eat a Griph boiled, and a Goose in paste.

Lucullus took great pains himself in furnishing of a Feast, and when he was asked why he was so curious in setting out a banquet, he answered That there was as great disrcetion to be used in mar∣shlling of a Feast, as in the ordering of a Battle, that the one might be terrible to his enemies, and the other acceptable to his friends. Plut.

In Rhodes, they that love fish, are accounted right courteous, and free-hearted men, but he that delighteth more in flesh, is ill thought of, and to his great shame is reputed a bondslave to his belly.

Sergius Galba was a devouring and gluttonous Emperor, for he caused at one banquet seven thou∣sand birds to be killed.

Xerxes having tasted of the figs of Athens, sware by his Gods that he would eat no other all his life after, and went forthwith to prepare an Army to Page  [unnumbered]conquer Grecia, for no other cause but to fill his belly full of the figs of that Countrey.

The Sicilians dedicated a Temple to Gluttony, and erected Images to Bacchus and Ceres, the God and Goddes of Wine and Corn.

M. Manlius, in times past made a Book of di∣vers ways how to dress meat, and another of the tastes, sauces and divers means of services, which were no sooner published, but by the decree of the Senate, they were burned, and if he had not fled speedily into Asia, he had been burned with them.

There was a Law in Rome called Fahia, by which it was prohibited, that no man should dispend in the greatest Feast he made, above an hundred Sex∣texterces.

Nisoeus a Tirant of Syracuse, when he under∣stood by his Soothsayers that he had not long to live, what he had left, he spent in belly-chear and drunkenness, and so died.

Mar. Anthonius set forth a book of his drunken∣ness, in which he proved those pranks when he was overcome with wine, to be good and lawful.

Darius had written upon his grave this inscrip∣tion; I could drink store of Wine, and bear it well.

Ptolomey, who in a mockery was called Philo∣pater, because he put to death his Father and Mo∣ther, through wine and women died like a beast.

Aruntius a Roman, being drunken, deflowred his own Daughter Medullina, whom he forthwith kil∣led.

Tiberius Caesar was preferred to a Pretorship, because of his excellencie in drinking.

Diotimus, was sirnamed Funnel, or Tunnel, be cause he gulped down wine through the channel of his Throat, which was poured into a Funnel, the end whereof was put into his mouth, with out interposition between gulps.

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In the Feast of Bacchus a Crown of Gold was appointed for him that could drink most.

Cleio a woman, was so practised in drinking, that she durst challenge all men and women whatsoe∣ver, to try masteries who could drink most, and o∣vercome all.

Cleomenes King of Lacedemonia, being disposed to carouse after the manner of the Scythians, drank so much, that he became and continued e ver after senceless.

Cyrillus Son, in his drunkenness, wickedly slew that holy man his Father, and his mother great with Child, he hurt his two sisters, and deflowred one of them.

Androcides a Gentleman of Greece, hearing of Alexanders excess in Drunkenness, wrote a Letter to him, wherein was a Tablet of Gold, with these words thereon engraven, Remember Alexander when thou drinkest wine, that thou doest drink the blood of the earth.

Those of Gallia Transalpina, understanding that the Italians had planted Vines in Italy, came to conquer their Countrey; so that if they had never planted Vines, the French-men had not de∣manded the Countrey.

Four old Lombards being at Banquet together, the one drank an health round to the others years, in the end they challenged two to two, and after each man had declared how many years old he was, the one drank as many times as he had years, and likewise his companion pledged him, the one was 58. the second 63. the third 87. the last 92. so that a man knoweth not what they did eat or drink; but he that drank least, drank 5. cups of Wine.

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Of Lechery.

T is bewitching evil, being an unbridled appetite, in whomsoever it reigneth, killeth all good motions of the mind, alteretr, drieth, and weakneth the body, shortning life, diminishing Memory, and Ʋnderstanding.

CYrena, a notorius strumpet, was sirnamed Do∣de camechana, for that she found out and in∣vented and found out twelve several ways of beastly pleasure.

Proculeius the Emperour, of an hundred Sarma∣tian Virgins he took captive, he deflowred ten the first night, and all the rest within fifteen dayes af∣ter.

Hercules in one night deflowred fifty.

Johannes à Casa, Archbishop of Benevento, and Legate in Venice, writ a Book in praise of the abo∣minable vice of Sodomitry.

Sigismund Malatesta, strived to have carnal knowledge of his Son Rohert, who thrustinst his dagger into his Fathers bosom, revenged his wic∣kedness.

Cleopatra, had the use of her brother Ptolomeus company, as of her husbands.

Antiochus stayd a whole winter in Chalcidea, for one maid which he there fancied.

Lust was the cause of the Wars between the Ro∣mans and the Sabines.

Thalestris Queen of the Amazons came 25 days journey to lie with Alexander.

Adultery in Germany is never pardoned.

Messalina and Popilia were so incontinent, that they contended with most shameful harlots, prosti∣tuting Page  [unnumbered]themselves without respect of time place, or company, to any, though never so base.

Claudius deflowred his own sisters, and Semira∣mis burned in beastly lust towards her son Ninus.

Nero caused Atticus a Roman Consul to be slain, that he might the more conveniently enjoy the company of his wife

Commodus, not contented with his three hun∣dred Crncubines, committed incest with his own sisters.

Caligula did the like, but the one was slain by his wife, the other by his Concubine.

Adultery was the cause of the first alteration of the City of Rome.

Sempronia a woman, well learned in the Greek, and Sappho, no less famous, defended luxury and last by their writings.

Cleopatra invited Anthony to a Banquet in the Province of Bithinia in the wood Sesthem, where, at one instant, of threescore young Virgins, fifty and five were made Mothers.

Cleophis a Queen of Tridia, saved her Kingdom and Subjects from destruction, by a nights ldging with Alexander, by whom she had a Son called A∣lexander, who was afterward King of India; she was ever after called Scortum Reginum.

Helogabalus, not only deflowred, but also marri∣ed a Virgin Vestal, saying it was reason that Priests should marry Nuns, because that in times past he had been Priest of the Sun.

Jane Quen of Naples was hanged up for her advoutry, in the very same place where she had had hanged her husband Andreas afore, because he was not (as she said) able to satisfie her beastly desire.

Feron King of Egypt had been blind ten years, Page  [unnumbered]and in the eleventh the Oracle told him that he should recover his sight, if he washed his eyes in the water of a woman which never had to do t any but her husband; whereupon, he first made l of his wwif, 〈◊〉ha did him no good; after, 〈◊〉 insinite oh which did him all as little, five only one, by 〈◊〉 he recovered his sight, and then he put 〈…〉 death.

Julia he Daug r〈…〉 so immo∣dest, shameless, and ch〈…〉mperour was never able to reclaim her; 〈…〉 ad∣mnished to forsake her ba〈…〉, and to fllow chastity as her Father did, 〈◊〉 answered, That her ather forgot he was Casar, but as for her self, she knew well enough that she was Casars Daughter.

Cornelius Gallus, and Q. Elerius two Roman Knights, died in the very action of their filthy lust.

Arichbertus, eldest Son unto Letharius King of France, died even as he was embracing his whores.

Alcibiades was burned in his bed with his Curte∣zan Timandra.

The Egyptians punishments against adultery, was, to cut off the nose of the woman, and the pri∣vy parts of the man.

Alexander when a woman was brought to him one evening, demanded of her why she came so late? she answered, that she stayed until her hus∣band was gone to bed. Which he no sooner heard, but sent her away, being angry with them that had almost made him commit adultery.

He was angry with Cassander, because he would by force kiss a Minstrels maid.

Roduldus King of Lombardy being taken in a∣dultery, was slain by the womans Husband whom he abused.

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Roderigo King of Spain was deprived of his Kingdom and life by the Sarazens, who were called in by an Earl called Julian, that he might be a∣venged of his King for forcing his daughter.

Calius Rhodoginus in his 11 Book of Antiqui∣quities, telleth of a certain man, that the more he was beaten, the more he fervently desired women.

The widow of the Emperor Sigismund intend∣ing to marry again, one perswaded her to spend the remainder of her life after the manner of the Tur∣tle Dove, who hath but one mate; If you coun∣sel me (quoth she) to follow the example of Birds, who do you not tell me of Pidgeons and Sparrows, which after the death of their mates, do ordinarily couple with the next they meet

Hiero King of Syracusa banished the Poet Epi∣charmus for speaking wantonly before hir wife, and that very justly, for his wife was a true mirrour of chastity.

Sulpitius Gallus, put away his Wife by divorce, because she went abroad unmasked.

Pompey caused one of his Souldiers eyes to be put out in Spain, for thrusting his hand under a womans garment that was a Spaniard; and for the like offence, did Sertorius command a footman of his band to be cut in pieces.

If Caracalla had not seen his Mothers thigh, he had not married her.

Speusippus the Philosopher, one of Platoes fol∣owers, was slain for his adultery.

Tigellinus died among his Concubines.

FINIS.