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THE Audients of her Story, felt both pitty and admiration.] The Auditors eyes did even runne over with water at Dorothaeas Story, but that shee restrained the woman in them, with the woman before them, who was so lovely, that she scatter'd nothing but cheerfull influences upon her be∣holders. Shee made griefe and sorrow amiable, insomuch that Mr Licentiat was upon premeditation still before he spake to her, and did not play the Priest adventure, nor vent his extemporary fancies upon her. A compos'd piece of his office in the point of comfort no doubt was instantly to issue forth, when—
Cardenio taking her by the hand, said at last, you are daughter to the rich Cleonardo.] I had thought Cardenio would never have been knowne; but now he will disclose himselfe, which he might easily doe, for he had scarce a rag to his taile, and gives her the naked truth, that he was that •ame piece of flesh, who stood more like the Arras, then the Tapestry it selfe, while a perjured friend, made bold with his Lady before his face. Dorothaeas managery of her matters, was farre more ingenious and com∣menda•le, who was not a thorough loser, she got what was to be got, and though she lost the Principall, shee had good consideration. What hath Cardenio to excuse himselfe from the extreame scarre of a Coward? who having his hand on his hilt, and plac'd as in ambuscado for the Strata∣gem of revenge, expected the word from his Ladies dying groane. Her Ponyard must whiffle to his Toledo. A living pudding is better then a dead Lyon; (quoth Dorothaea,) and let all Grandees of Spaine (for they delight therein) like the Proverb, and use it for ever.
Then I will use the liberty granted to me as a gentleman, and in just title challenge him to the field.] Dorothaea might have smil'd, or rather suspected his fidelity, that her beautie should prove a Beutefeu greater then Lus∣cindas, and inspire more valour into him, then he did shew for his owne incroachments; no challenge sent to Don Ferdinand, for the usurpation of his spouse, though done under his nose; and why such a cock of the game in her vindication? Certainly he had an aguish fortitude, •nd it came upon him by fits, when it concern'd him most, at his own cornuting, the cold Paroxisme held him, and the hot and Feavourish at present. It was true indeed, the Lady whose defences he undertakes, was worthy of an Herculean Vindex, and one (that had these tilting times been worthy of) must have wrote her selfe the Mistresse of some short Catalogue of slaine, or perisht Kings servants (a very great honour I can tell yee.) And here now were hint an occasion enough for a discourse upon Duels, whether they be a piece of justifiable fortitude? without the consideration of Chri∣stan laws made against it, or any impresses of the divine Prohibition in the soule, created in, and to love, and originally interdicted revenge and violence. If you come with these arguments into the schoole of defence or repu•ation, you are said presently to smell of the Coward. But if you come fortified with Cain's Jaw bone, and will maintaine a challenge good against your own brother, not of the sword only, but nature, then you Page 178 are of the right flame, a brother of the Jaw-bone. The arguments on both sides are very strong; the Hectors relye upon their blades, manus ad ca∣pulum: It is enough to signifie the challenge, and the cause too, and the Law is as strict, and punctuall too. Caput ad Laqueum, which is enough to in∣timate the crime and the punishment. But I have but one argument against Duellers at this time. Why doe the Hectors themselves fly for the same? They will say, for feare of the Law; why then let them finde out a place, where there is no Law against it? that the brother-hood say, is in terra Incognitâ they could never heare of any such place; then certainly if all people and Nations punish it, it is not only unlawfull, but unnaturall and morally evill; and what no people allow in generall, no one should dare to doe in particular. The Tragedies of Dorothaea, and Cardenio, are more lamen∣ted (the more's the pitty) feined Romances are bewail'd, and Philaster blee∣ding in love, when a true really slaine Gentleman shall not find a teare; but a dispute, whether he fell nobly, made a right thrust, or lay too open, or had his hat, doublet, band, and spurs off? These are the requisite puncti∣lios before his lying downe in the bed of honour. It may be the cause of the quarrell is by some askt after, by a thousand related, and by never a man the same way. A sad case (my friends) when a man shall perish, and goe no man knows whither, and taken off no man knows why. Homi∣cidia in mendacio flemus, in vero postulamus. 'Twas said of those daies, when Emperors expos'd the live-bodies of their slaves, to be Prizes with Beasts, and one another, then the voice was at those Amphitheatrall Butche∣ries; * Play him again, clapping and applauding, when the Beast was victo∣rious.
It was Sancho Pancas, who, because he found them not in the place where he left them, cryed out lowdly.] He might have cried bread and meat for the Lords sake, (for his halfe starv'd Lords sake) who with hunger and cold had almost put an end to his Errantry. He cried, and his Knights bel∣ly rung noon, and the wood rung of them all; and now they have Sancho in a ring, and round him, untill he have made his Mr as ridiculous as himself. The whimsy of the Knight, is to be cured with another whimsy, as they say, set a fool to catch a fool; a Proverb not of that gravity (as the Spaniards are,) but very usefull and proper. For example sake: An English Lord kept a Fool, a very naturall, who being displeasur'd at some ill usage of the Family, absented himselfe so long, that the Lord was much troubled lest he should have made himselfe away; others thought he might be gone in a visit to a neighbour fool some few miles off. The Lord sent thither to enquire, and withall, to intreat that Fool over, (in case he was not there) to their house. Fooles are soon intreated, especially the servant telling him, that his Couzen had been missing many daies; al's one for that quoth Tonie, I'll find him out, ne'r feare Coz. At last they came to the Lords house, and all of them, Lord, Lady, servants of both sexes ran out to the Foole, and wofully lamented the losse of Tonie, who was as good as meat to their bellies. Coz Tonies cryed, get ye all to prayers on your backs you long Page 179 coates (speaking to the women) my Coz is safe enough, he is too wise for you. Then the foole was ranger of the whole house, and in every place he came, he cried, O Coz, Coz, are you there. I see you well enough? Thus having travers'd the best Chamber; at last he came to the Cock∣lofts, and with a more hearty and confident noyse then in other places, he cried, ha Coz have I found you, I see you, that I doe. The other foole had unpil'd some wood, and lay behind it, then his Coz cried out againe, I see him, I see him, in very joyfull acclamation: Whereat his counterpart said from his lurking hole, O but you don'•: The noise directed them to the place, whence out they pluckt him, halfe starv'd, for he had there but wooden entertainment; but the Cook got him some spoon meat for his Coz and himselfe, and they were very well satisfied. Such a dish now hot in the Plaine, where Don Quixot acted more then the Knight of the Naked Arme, would have put an end to the play, and all the bitter usage of Dulcinea would have been forgot in a Lethe of settle-braine; wherein if they had slic'd some of the leafes of the two books, wrote de veritate, amongst the chippings, it might have been enough to reduce him (without the neat designe of Dorothaea) to his naturall temper, from having ever any credence in lying Romances.
Dorothaea said that shee would counterfeit the distressed Lady better then the Barber.] The Barber might have done much, if he had his wife to attire him, and set him out in Ladies combings; but I doe not think shee would ever have let him shav'd off his Mustachoes for the matter, it being the only hold she had, (for his haire of his head was but thinne) when shee found occasion to pull him to her pleasures, or from the Alchouse to his paines. Let him be honest Oxen-sterne, the Lady Nicomiconas servant with the checquer'd Beard, which signified much feare in him, or from him. Pray Heaven, the Don in his rambling fancy take him not for Cacus the Gyant, that robb'd those honest men the Grasiers, and cozen'd Poly∣phem, (the Monophthalmos, and Gyant of the single Eye) drawing politique∣ly his Cattle backward to his owne Cave; so that Polyphem tracking their step• to the donne, could find nothing but hoofes revers'd from the Cave. A hundred to one but he hits on't, and takes this long pendent on his chin, for some glew'd on Trophie of his beastly victories: If he should hanck upon it, there's like to be no quietnesse without a Rumpe to the taile.
And through the great Fame which is spread over all Guinea, of the Lords Prowesse, this Princesse is come to finde them out.] Sancho replyed, what that fat and plentifull Kingdome, (whence the Guiny Pigs come) doth this Lady with her selfe submit to my Don? O Mary Gutierez, live and be fat! and let thy Children all be fatlings; those pretty Guiny Pigs-nies shall live about thy bed-chamber, and thou shalt lie upon thy pallat, and call to thy cook-maid, and say, dresse me that Squeeker for my breakfast, I'll eat it before I rise, and the rest of the litter shall be small Musick to me, while I feed; it shall be so Mol, and fell a capering, as if he had one in his belly. But Mr Curate told him, these Guinea Pigs which he meant, were Shelves of gold melted, refin'd, and made into wedges, Pigs and Bars, that Mary Gutierez and her whole family, could not lift one from the ground. One of these would buy the Manchas Hogge-heards whole drove, Dams and all.
Page 180My master hath no kinde of power over Spirits.] The Don could never worst any thing that had a Spirit. The Windemils had a Spirit that threw my Mr in Confagum Lunae, (as they say) and he was never in his wits since. Certainly he was toss'd or carried beyond the temperate Regiment of the aire, among the blust'ring, thund'ring, and fiery boyes, for ever after he des∣pis'd Land encounters; he smelt my thought, as if he had been sing'd at his fall, or of somewhat of a hot aire. So that (great Queen) for this businesse of Guinea, if you have not a man of Spirit in it, he will make no more to con∣quer it, then he would to eat an Orenge, though his stomack is sharp enough at present without any Incentives. Lady, he shall destroy all except the Pigs, with which your Dominions abound. May you, and my Lord people it from your owne Loines againe; (all but that part of the Domi∣nion, which you bestow upon you humble, •ut doughty servant, Sancho Panchas of the Mancha) and my Lady Moll shall serve your Highnesse, (not amongst the maides of Honour) but chiefe Princesses of your Kingdome, in the office of holding up your traine, or the cloose stoole, wherein shee is very tendable, and handy. I have more of the litter, if you please to grace 'um; but when I and Moll shall come to feed on Pigs, we shall mul∣tiply beyond the rate of the creatures we eat, and have subjects of my own begetting, of my owne loines, in such a number, that it will be fit for your Highnesse to transplant them for Colonies, and send them into the wide world for a living. Thus is the fool transported, taking Mr Licentiat for the Queen, and out of apprehension of he knows not what, he talks to he knows not whom.
At last they discovered him amongst a company of intricate Rocks, all appa∣rell'd, but not Armed.] Sancho was to blame, 〈◊〉 let his Mr be thus surpriz'd without his Armes on, his long pennance having withdrawn his body from the full extension of his clothes many a handfull, so that he look'd as if he had been in a sack, or a scarcrow, rather then a man. So improper an oversight was never committed by a Squire of the body: Insomuch, tha• the Don in the beginnings of his adventures, providently would not suffer his Armes to be all taken off, when he repos'd, but slept in the Helmet. To unmartiall the whole man, and leave him without steel or iron upon him, is, as if you should pare the nailes of a Lyon, strip a Beare of her skinne, rob a Fox of his taile, dishonour a Cock of his spurrs: That is to Capo∣nize the gallant spirit of the Creature, and to render him lesse formidable to his Antagonists. A Knight-Erra•t without Armes on? credentne poste∣ri?
I will not answer you a word, nor heare a jot of your affairs, Faire Lady (quoth Don Quixot) untill you arise from the ground.] It is much that he is not on his Knees too; for he was scarce able to stand on his Legs, which (if his Arms had been on) had not been so visibly flexible; for the Don through weak∣nesse bow'd ever and anon, and recompens'd her kneeling, with continuall unavoydable cringes, which made him appeare the most courtly Knight upon the earth. The case was plaine, for he was not able to raise her up with his hands, but she expected his gracious word of mouth, which was stronger alwaies then his Armes or Legs, and promised a great deale more.
Page 181I doe give and grant it, quoth Don Quixot, so it be not a thing that may turn to the damage or hinderance of my King or Country, &c.] A very loyall ex∣ception: Three obligations which he had forfeited over and over, and yet to see the tendernesse of his Conscience in a point which he so often violated. This faithfull lover of his Prince, is under privy search of the Holy Brotherhood, for the rescue of his Majesties slaves sent to the Gal∣lies. The Country was full of hues and cries for the adventure of the sheep, which his Manchegan Farme would not satisfie. The Helmet of Mambri∣no, was the poor Village-Barbers goods, which he took to arrest him for, as he past the Towne; the present subsistance, which Sancho (his Receiver and Treasurer had) were the spoiles of Cardenio's Port-Mantle, beside the severall Hostes, (his unwilling Creditors) who intended to dis-Rosinante him, and send him home Knight-Errant on foot, if he paid not, what his Squire and Himselfe had eaten. Lastly, for his obligation to his Lady, there was no feare, but of himselfe: For who could damnify her, who had nothing to lose, not so much as credit? and for his personall injury to her, he had sufficiently done it in his Pennance, which had so mortified the man in him, that all the wealth he had would not repaire him into a reasonable proportion of night-service, which if he faile in, Dulcinea was like to Orlando him, though it were by his Squire Sancho.
And therefore hands to the worke, for (they say) that danger alwaies followed delay.] Concluded most Heroically! 'twas well to call for hands, (and more hands then thine owne) or else the worke would be very ill done. Yet I think in this point Sancho's opinion was right, (that it was a matter of nothing) for there being no such Queen, and no such Kingdome, the Squires word is here to b• taken, and the Don's Proverbe of delay proves dangerous, is infeebled, for the lesse speed, or a festina len•è were farr• more safe and easie; but hands to the work however, and at length re∣store the Queen to her legs, for shame that ever such a decrepit Knight should undertake so chymaericall employments, and is not able to relieve a Lady from her Knees. It was not want of humanity in him, but strength, saith our Author. Fasting is an ill preparative for a Ball, and the Don was (notwithstanding his sniffeling example of Amadis Du Gaull, or any other puling Knight) in a wrong course to reconcile himselfe by abstinence to any distasted Lady, especially such an hirudinous and extracting Lady, as Dulcinea; who would have tir'd Hanibals Army, after he had rested a moneth in Capua, being of a larger size then Messallina, and vaster desires. This next civility will drowne all that is past, for he will not permit the Queen to kisse his hand, but keeps them in his pockets, and cannot be con∣strain'd upon those termes to draw 'um forth.
But it grieved Sancho to thinke that the Kingdome was in the Countrey of Blackamores.] It was not just cause of griefe; (Sancho) for if your primoge∣nitors be not belied, the generall smutch you have, was once of a deeper black, when they came from Mauritania into Spaine, and the protuberan∣cies of your lips both alike: Now indeed your teeth are not so white, nor your faces so black, though the Don by his Pennance, had reduc'd himselfe almost into a Moore, and to his most Ill-favour'd Face, had most cleane teeth. But Sancho, were it not a more profitable and lesse cruell design, (then that of selling 30 or 40 thousand in a morning into Spaine for slaves) Page 182 to try a piece of experience, and since every man has two coates to his back, (that is two skins Sancho) an upper and an under, that thicker, to keep off the injury of aire-blows, and the like, the under, finer, and ligh∣ter like a summer coat. Flay therefore (Sancho) the tougher upper skinn off, and send them by Ship-loads into all other Countries, (where solem∣nities for Funerals are used) and you may drive a mightie trade for mour∣ning gloves, mourning saddle-clothes, and mourning buff, and Pantoffles for Ladies, after they'r covered with gold lace; (for no skinne is softer then the Moores Sancho) thus Sancho you save the subjects in a whole skin, though not two, and the second skin proving white, you will have your Country call'd Albion, and your people Whites, not from the colour of their Sands, but their owne strange Metamorphosis. Your selfe call'd Blancho, that is the Faire, or Pharo, who was an Aethiopian Prince before you, that is, King of the Whites.
Mr Curate was an ingenious and prompt plotter, and took out of his case a paire of sheares, and cut off Cardenio's Beard therewith, all in a trice.] Sr John is turn'd John of all trades, Clericus & Laicus, a brace of Elders and a Presbyter, bound up in one Volume, the Tailor, Barber, and Licentiat; well (Sr) exercise your gifts; Cardenio's Beard is the first point to be hand∣led, which being exorbitant and unfit for the Congregation, by the Scis∣sars of authority, was reform'd into a more brotherly cut. Exit Tonsor; en∣ter Taylor with a Capouch and a long cloake, wherein having drest the yong Gentleman, he resembled a little Levite so handsomely, that in the e•suing passages he might hope to be Chaplaine to the Queen of Micomi∣cona; Mr Licentiat is left in Querpo, as if in Zeale he had preach'd his up∣per garment off, or else parted with them, when Duke D' Alva was beaten out of the low Countries, in the heat of that Reformation.
But notwithstanding the Barber was so affrighted, as he fell to the ground with so little heed to his Beard.] By a Synecdoche of partis pro toto, the Oxe taile be∣ing fallen to the ground, we may say Bos procumbit humi, for both lay to∣gether; nay downe fell Mr Licentiat also, and so the old three may lie to∣gether, Bos, Fur, atque Sacerdos. 'Twas too much for a hackney to carry treble, they seldome are true to one; but Mr Curate must now shew his skill, or Mr Nicholas, for all his two handed chin-cover will be found no Squire to the Queen of Micomicona, and then all's discovered, for the Don wondring at the Squires sheere losse of his Beard, said, no Barber could have done it with so fine a slight of hand. He would profane an Agnus for an Oxe taile, but murmur'd some few words over the Squire; strange! the Beard came to the Face, or the Face to the Beard, none knowes which put the Don upon a request, that he might have that prayer against his evils; for no doubt if it were chin-proofe, it was tooth-proofe and limbe∣proofe, and easier carriage then the Bals amum Fierebras.
Let me intreat you Mr Curate, the occasion which hath brought you hither to these Quarters so alone, &c. You shall understand, &c. read on, ad finem capitis.]
Here Mr Curate is put to a grand case of Conscience, whether in point of urgent necessities, as the saving of a mans life from perils of robbers, or any other accident, (legally to be permitted) or from an obstinat melancho∣ly in a person, sworne and devoted to ruine himselfe, and Family, in such a case for a majus beneficium or bonum Reipublicae, or to ones owne selfe, whe∣th•r Page 183 the lips of the preacher is alwaies to preserve truth? If the frequency of lying might excuse it, it hath justification enough. He answers his mentall objection mentally, and saith, In •oro, coram Iudice, in Pulpito, co∣ram Episcopo, in rebus litem dirimentibus, he is substantially, really, and verily to speak the truth, and nothing but the truth; but in extrajudiciall cases, (not ordinarily so) but such alwaies which infer a publike or a pri∣vate good end: The Licentiat was satisfied that he might transgresse the beaten path of truth, and take that way which made most expedition to his honest design in hand, and reckons those matters amongst the peccadillo's and venialia, which never come into the black book. But Mr Curat, by your leave, your slight transgression, is one of the lowdest lies, that ever I heard of; vvhat, seventy thousand Ryals of eight sent for a token? what, Ships for a Convoy? But (cry you mercy) it may be Mr Licentiat was allyed to Dego, Mr Lopez his Sexton, whose estate was incredible, and investigable by his executor; but happily some slight moiety is discovered, which our Indian friend very kindly sends for a token, a small remem∣brance of his love to his affected, though some 106 yeares posthumus Kins∣man Mr Licentiat of the Mancha. The second lie is so mixt with divinity, that with a little inlargement it might have serv'd for a homily of charity, taken in the example (in the same case) of the Traveller, who fell among Thieves; and questionlesse with the Pathetick expressions, which he was singular at, the Manchegan could not choose but melt into pity and reliefe, as is ordinary upon the Ladies side, and that's the moving side that carries all; but the severe rebukes end all in a generall pardon, (which though the Don intended not to confesse the crime) he resolv'd to make use of, and said Amen to himselfe and the prayer.
