The chances a comedy, as it was acted at the Theater Royal
Fletcher, John, 1579-1625., Cervantes Saavedra, Miguel de, 1547-1616. Señora Cornelia., Buckingham, George Villiers, Duke of, 1628-1687.

SCENE I.

Enter Landlady and Anthony.
Land.
COme Sir, who is it keeps your Master Company?
Anth.
I say to you, Don Iohn.
Land.
I say what woman?
Anth.
I say so too.
Land.
I say again I will know.
Anth.
I say 'tis fit you should.
Land.
And I tell thee he has a Woman here.
Anth.
I tell thee 'tis then the better for him.
Land.
Was ever Gentlewoman
So frumpt off with a Fool? well sawcy Sirrah,
I will know who it is, and to what purpose;
I pay the Rent, and I will know how my House
Comes by these inflammations: if this geer hold,
Best hang a sign-post up, to tell the Signior's,
Here ye may have lewdness at livery.
Enter Frederick.
Anth.
'T would be a great ease to your age.
Fred.
How Now?
Why what's the matter Landlady?
Land.
What's the matter?
Ye use me decently among ye, Gentlemen.
Fred.
Who has abus'd her, you Sir?
Land.
Od's my witness
I will not be thus treated, that I will not.
Anth.
I gave her no ill Language.
Land.
Thou liest lewdly.
Thou took'st me up at every word I spoke,
As I had been a Mawkin, a ••irt Gillian;
And thou think'st, because thou canst write and read,
Our Noses must be under thee.
Page  32
Fred.
Dare you Sirrah?
Anth.
Let but the Truth be known Sir, I beseech ye,
She raes of Wenches, and I know not what Sir.
Land.
Go to, thou know'st too well, thou wicked Varlet,
Thou Instrument of evil.
Anth.
As I live Sir, she's ever thus till Dinner.
Fred.
Get ye in, I'll answer you anon Sir.
Exit Anthony.
Now your grief, what is't? For I can guess—
Land.
Ye may, with shame enough,
If there were shame amongst ye; nothing thought on,
But how ye may abuse my house: not satisfied
With bringing home your Bastards to undo me,
But you must drill your Whores here too; my patience
Because I bear, and bear, and carry all,
And as they say (am willing to groan under)
Must be your make-sport now.
Fred.
No more of these words,
Nor no more murmurings Lady; for you know
That I know something. I did suspect your anger,
But turn it presently and handsomly,
And bear your self discreetly to this Woman,
For such a one there is indeed.
Land.
'Tis well Son.
Fred.
Leave off your Devil's Matins, and your Melancholies,
Or we shall leave our Lodgings.
Land.
You have mch need
To use these vagrant ways, and to much profit:
Ye had that might content
(At home within your selves too) right good Gentlemen,
Wholesome, and ye said handsome. But you Gallants,
Beast that I was to believe ye—
Fred.
Leave your suspition:
For as I live there's no such thing.
Land.
Mine honor;
And 'twre not for mine honor.
Fred.
Come, your honor,
Your house, and you too, if you dare believe me,
Are well enough: Sleek up your self, leave crying,
For I must have ye entertain this Lady
With all civility, she well deserves it
Together with all service: I dare trust ye,
For I have found ye faithful: when you know her
Page  33You will find your own fault; no more words, but do it.
Land.
You know you may command me.
Enter Don John.
Io.
Worshipful Lady,
How does thy Velvet Scabbard? by this hand
Thou lookest most amiably: now could I willingly
(And 'twere not for abusing thy Geneva print there,)
Venture my Body with thee.—
Land.
You'll leave this ropery
When ye come to my years.
Io.
By this light,
Thou art not above fifteen yet, a meer Girle,
Thou hast not half thy teeth—
Fre.
Prethee Iohn
Let her alone, she has been vext already:
She'l grow stark mad, man.
Io.
I wou'd fain see her mad,
An old mad Woman—
Fre.
Prethee be patient.
Io.
Is like a Millers Mare troubled wi'th' Tooth ache.
She makes the rarest faces.
Fre.
Go, and do it,
And do not mind this fellow.
Exit Landlady and comes back again presently.
Io.
What, agen!
Nay, then it is decreed: though hills were set on hills,
And Seas met Seas, to guard thee, I would through.
Land.

Od's my witness, if ye ruffle me, I'l spoil your sweet face for you, that I will. Go, go to the door there's a Gentleman there would speak with ye.

Io.

Upon my life Petruchio; good dear Landlady carry him into the dining-Room, and I'll wait upon him presently.

Land.
Well Don Iohn, the time will come that
I shall be even with you.
Exit
Io.
I must be gone: yet if my project hold,
You shall not stay behind: I'l rather trust
A Cat with sweet milk Frederick; by her face.
Page  34Enter Constantia.
I feel her fears are working.
Con.
Is there no way,
I do beseech ye think yet, to divert
This certain danger.
Fre.
'Tis impossible:
Their Honors are engag'd.
Con.
Then there must be murder,
Which Gentlemen, I shall no sooner hear of,
Then make one in't: you may, if you please Sir,
Make all go less.
Io.
Lady, wer't mine own cause,
I could dispence: but loaden with my Friends trust,
I must go on though general Massacrees
As much I fear—
Con.
Do ye hear Sir; for Heavens sake
Let me request one favour of you.
Fre.
Yes any thing.
Con.
This Gentleman I find is too resolute,
Too hot, and fiery for the cause, as ever
You did a virtuous deed, for honor's sake
Go with him and allay him, your fair temper
And noble disposition, like wish'd showers,
May quench those eating fires, that would spoil all else
I see in him destruction.
I will do it.
Fre.
And 'tis a wise consideration,
To me a bounteous favour: Hark ye Iohn,
I will go with ye.
Io.
No.
Fre.
Indeed I will,
Ye go upon a hazard; no denyal;
For as I live I'll go:
Io.
Then make ye ready,
For I am strait a Horse-back.
Fre.
My Sword on, and
I am as ready as you what my blest Labour,
With all the art I have can work upon 'em,
Be sure of, and expect fair end: the old Gentlewoman
Shall wait upon ye, she is discreet and secret,
Ye may trust her in all points.
Page  35
Con.
Ye are noble;
And so I take my leave.
Io.
I hope Lady, a happy issue for all this
Const.
All Heavens care upon ye, and my prayers.
Io.
So,
Now my mind's at rest.
Fred.
Away, 'tis late Iohn.
Exeun.