Dec. 16. I found the Lord graciously pre∣sent with me in my morning meditation on my Page  85 Bed. And my Soul was much refreshed with Mr. Simond's Sermon. God spake a sutable word by him to my Soul from Mat. 15. 23. But he answered her not a word. God may sometimes defer to give an Answer to a gracious and well qualified Prayer. 1. To correct our deafness to his voice. 2. To put us upon more earnest seeking of him. 3. To exercise and try our graces. God proportions mer∣cies according to his delays, they are the greater when given in. Sarah tarried long for a Son, and then had an Isaac. So did Hanna, but then had a Samuel. So Eliza∣beth but then had a John, my heart rejoyced at this, hoping that God would give an high degree of brokenness of heart in his own due time, though at present my heart were hard. And I remembred how hard Mr. Bradfords heart was once as to his own sense, and how eminent he was afterward for tenderness, as M. Fox Relates. God was very good this day. But Oh! how vile and sinful was I! I felt a very proud vain-glorious heart both in hearing, and after Sermon was done. But the Lord chastised me for it. For at night when I Preached in the Chappel the Lord for∣sook me, I found no assistance of his Spirit, either in Prayer or Preaching, but was much confounded in both, having little or no sense of the things I spake of, or prayed for.

We read of Naaman 2 King. 5. 11. that he expected a Miraculous way of cure. I Page  86 thought said he, he will surely come out and stand and call on the Name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the Leper. So have I found my self apt to expect that the Spirit of God should mortifie and subdue sin in me without my striving against it. But I have learned it is the will of God, that I should strive against sin as well as pray and wait for his Spirit. Gods working in us to will and to do, excludes not our en∣deavouring. Phil. 2. 12, 13. Having pro∣mises let us cleanse our selves. 2 Cor. 7. 1.