Presvyteros diplēs timēs axios, or, The true dignity of St. Paul's elder exemplified in the life of ... Mr. Owen Stockton ... with a collection of his observations, experiences and evidences recorded by his own hand : to which is added his funeral sermon / by John Fairfax ...

Jun. 1. This day the Lord did, in the hear¦ing of his word, revive some convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit, though in a very languid manner. I stood convinced before the Lord of unbelief, and that I was a lost creature because thereof, from the words of our Saviour, Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already. Conscience tells me that I am yet in unbelief, that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12, 13. that faith which should purge me from Atheism, formality, and resting in duties, from hypocrisie and deadness, from unclean affections, and inordinate Love of the world, from a vain mind, and a light Spirit; that faith which should purifie my heart, from these and the like evils, Act. 15. 9. that faith which should make Christ a greater Reality, and more precious to me than any thing in the world, 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God, and joy in the Holy Ghost, unspeakable and full of Glory, Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith. Jam. 2. 17, 20. and presumed upon Gods Mercy in Christ, although I have been estranged from God in my heart and Na∣ture, my Resting in duties, and trusting in my own Righteousness as far as I can see, hath been the deceit of my heart.

Lord lay this conviction upon my Consci∣ence, for I find my heart would put it off, yea it hath already desperately hardned it self

against thee. I fear I shall out-grow this Conviction of thy word, as at other times, I feel a careless Spirit, that would make light of Eternity, and of Jesus Christ. Lord, break my heart under thy word for my unbelief, and neglect of Christ. Let me not heal my self, but wait till thou shalt heal me.

Thou didst help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas, Oh that thou wouldest help mine also.

The Lord hath shewn me that I am dead in sin not only from the testimony of his word, Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience. For I feel my self alienated from the life of God, cut off from communion with the Lord Jesus, separate from God and his blessed Spirit. My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction, and hath caused me some∣times to mistake, a life of morality for Spiri∣tual life, and at other times a life of formality. But now I find the Scripture speaks of dead works, and calls for repentance from them. Heb. 6. 1. and purging our consciences from them, Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I under∣stand, not only the gross pollutions of the World, but all works whatever, that are done by a man, void of the quickning Spirit of God. Without Union to Christ there is no Spiritual life, for as the natural life results from the Union of the Soul with the body, and the State of death, is nothing but the disunion and Separation of the Soul from the body; so our spiritual life results from the

Souls Union with Christ, and spiritual death is our separation from him. Now I feel my self as a poor withered branch cut off from this Vine, unacquainted with the actings of this Spiritual life, as living by faith, Serving God in Spirit, Mortifying Sin by the Spirit, walk∣ing in the Spirit, loving God above all things, and seeking his Glory in all things. I have sometimes Prayed against sin, resolving a∣gainst it, striven with it, avoided occasions thereto (all which a natural man may do) but sin hath returned upon me, and overcome me. How to fetch power from Christs death to mortifie sin, how to believe in God for sub∣duing it, how to do it by the Spirit, these have been mysteries to me. Lord, When shall the day dawn, and the Day-Star arise in my heart? When shall the Day-spring from on high, visit my Soul, to give light to him that sits in darkness, and in the shadow of death? Come Lord Jesus thou light of life, Come quickly.

That which kept me a long time from resolving to give up my whole heart to God in Covenant, was a fear that I should break my Covenant and so double my sin. But I perceive since that this was but Satans po∣licy to keep my heart from God, and the true ground of my not doing this was not con∣scienciousness of sin, as Satan once made me believe, but a loathness to part with all sin, and to serve God with all my heart.

A Strong encouragement thou hast O my

Soul, to enter Covenant with God, to serve him with thy whole heart, from that portion of his Word, which thou didst read this morn∣ing, May. 11. 1654. in Jer. 30. 21, 22. Who is this that engaged his heart to approach unto me saith the Lord? Ye shall be my people and I will be your God.

Since my Covenanting with God I come to see more fully the truth of that place, Rom. 8. 7. The carnal mind is enmity against God, is not subject to the Law of God, neither indeed can be. For I find a Loathness to walk close∣ly with God, yea under a profession of Reli∣gion, my carnal heart hath been at enmity to the power and life of it, and this enmity hath lyen hid under, and been covered with a per∣formance of some duties, which have not been destructive to that evil principle that hath lived in me. Yea, I find my carnal heart is hungring after the flesh-pots of Egypt, after its old delights and sinful pleasures, is ready to murmur against God in the wilderness and speaks of returning into Egypt, and being impatient of the cross it revolts from God many a time, and seeks relief and con∣tentment from the creature.

Since my Covenanting with God I see more of thee treachery and hypocrisie of my heart, I found my Soul for a while more tender of Sin, and my heart seemingly engaged to serve the Lord. but I soon forgot the covenant that I had made, and in a short space I did not find

that my Covenanting had any influence on my heart or life. So that I see I did but flatter the Lord with my mouth, and lyed unto him with my tongue, for my heart was not right with him, neither was I stedfast in his Cove∣nant, Ps. 78. 36, 37. My unstedfastness in my Covenant with the Lord, did arise as far as I perceive from these two grounds, 1. My heart was not right with God when I made it, there was not that inward, cordial, full re∣solution to part with all Sin, and that for ever, from an antipathy to it, and dislike of it, neither that inward resolution of cleaving to God, to have him my All in All, to take all my contentment and joy in him, and to seek it in nothing else, which should have been. 2. I neglected my watch, and did not (as I should) renew my Covenant often, and engage my heart to walk with God, and while I was slothful, and negligent, my heart was stolen away by the Devil, and the World, and is now in league again with Sin. Lord, make me upright, and clear up to me my Sincerity, Search me and try me, and let me know the bottom of my heart. Keep me up∣on my watch and guard, that I may keep my Covenant.