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BEcause Fortune her self is a Whore, but such are not most indulgent to their issue; the old na∣tural reason (but those meeting in stoln love are most vehement, and so contribute more spirit then the easie and lawfull) might govern me, but that now I see Mistresses are be∣come domestick and in ordinary, and they and wives wait but by turns, and agree as well as they had lived in the Ark.
The old Moral reason (that Ba∣stards
inherit wickedness from their Parents, and so are in a bet∣ter way to preferment by having a stock before-hand, then those that build all their fortune upon the poor and weak stock of Origi∣nal sin) might prevail with me, but that since we are fallen into such times, as now the World might spare the Devil, because she could be bad enough without him. I see men scorn to be wick∣ed by example, or to be beholding to others for their damnation. It seems reasonable, that since Laws rob them of succession in civil be∣nefits, they should have something else equivalent. As Nature (which is Laws pattern) having denyed Women Constancy to one, hath provided them with cunning to allure many; and so Bastards de jure should have bet∣ter wits and experience. But be∣sides that by experience we see many fools amongst them, we should take from them one of their chiefest helps to prefer∣ment, and we should deny them
to be fools: and (that which is only left) that women chuse wor∣thier men then their husbands, is false de facto: either then it must be that the Church having remo∣ved them from all place in the publick Service of God, they have better means than others to be wicked, and so fortunate: Or else because the two greatest powers in this world, the Devil and Prin∣ces concur to their greatness: the one giving bastardy, the other legitimation: As Nature frames and conserves great bodies of con∣traries. Or the cause is, because they abound most at Court, which is the forge where fortunes are made, or at least the shop where they be sold.
IT needs not for perspicuousness, for God knows they are plain enough: nor do all of them use Sem-brief-Accents, for some of them have crotchets enough. It may be they intend not to rise like glorious Tapers and Torches, but like Thin-wretched-sick-watching-C•…•…s, which languish and are in a Divine Consumption from the first minute, yea in their snuff, and stink, when others are in their more profitable glory. I have thought sometimes, that out of conscience, they allow long measure to course ware. And sometimes, that usurping in that place a li∣berty to speak freely of Kings, they would reigne as long as they could. But now I think they do it out of a zealous imagination, that, It is their duty to Preach on till their Auditory wake.
DId he know that our Age would deny the Devils pos∣sessing, and therefore provided by these to possesse men and king∣domes? Or to end the disputation of Schoolmen, why the Divel could not make lice in Egypt; and whe∣ther those things bee presented there, might be true; hath he sent us a true and reall plague, worse than those ten? Or in o•…•…ntati∣on of the greatness of his King∣dome, which even division cannot shake, doth he send us these which disagree with all the rest? Or knowing that our times should discover the Indies, and abolish their Idolatry, doth he send these to give them another for it? Or peradventure they have been in the Roman Church these thousand yeeres, though we have called them by other names.
IT is because it is the figure of Youth wherin nature would provide as many green, as youth hath affections; and so present a Sea-green for profuse wasters in voyages; a Grasse-green for sud∣den new men enobled from Grasi∣ers; and a Goose-green for such Polititians as pretend to preserve the Capitol. Or else Propheti∣cally foreseeing an age, wherein they shall all hunt. And for such as misdemeane themselves a Willo-green; For Magistrates must as∣well have Fasces born before them to chastize the small offen∣ces, as Secures to cut off the great.
IS it because others tending bu∣sily Churches preferment, neg∣lect study? Or had the Church of Rome shut up all our wayes, till the Lutherans broke down their uttermost stubborn doores, and the Calvinists picked their inwardest and subtlest lockes? Surely the Devill cannot be such a Foole to hope that he shall make this stu∣dy contemptible, by making it common. Nor that as the Dwel∣lers by the River Origus are said (by drawing infinite ditches to sprinkle their barren Country) to have exhausted and intercepted their main channell, and so lost their more profitable course to the sea; so we, by providing eve∣ry ones selfe, divinity enough for his own use, should neglect our Teachers and Fathers. He can∣not hope for better heresies then hee hath had, nor was his King∣dome
ever so much advanced by debating Religion (though with some aspersions of Error) as by a dull and stupid security, in which many gross things are swallowed. Possible out of such an ambition as we have now, to speake plainly and fellow-like with Lords and Kings, we thinke also to acquaint our selves with Gods secrets: or perchance when we study it by mingling humane respects, It is not Divinity.
IT is agreed that we have not so much from them as any part of either our mortal soules of sense or growth; and we deny soules to others equall to them in all but in speech for which they are be∣holding to their bodily instruments For perchance an Oxes heart, or a Goates, or a Foxes, or a Serpents would speake just so, if it were in
the breast, and could move that tongue and jawes. Have they so many advantages and means to hurt us (for, ever their loving de∣stroyed us) that we dare not dis∣please them, but give them what they will? And so when some call them Angels, some Goddesses, and the Palpulian Hereticks made them Bishops, we descend so much with the stream, to allow them Soules? Or do we some∣what (in this dignifying of them) flatter Princes and great Per∣sonages that are so much gover∣ned by them? Or do we in that easiness and prodigality, wherein we daily lose our own souls to we care not whom, so labour to perswade our selves, that sith a woman hath a soul, a soul is no great matter? Or do we lend them souls but for use, since they for our sakes, give their souls again, and their bodies to boot? Or perchance because the Devil (who is all soul) doth most mischief, and for convenience and proportion, because they
would come nearer him, we al∣low them some souls; and so as the Romans naturalized some Provinces in revenge, and made them Romans, only for the bur∣then of the Common-wealth; so we have given women souls on∣ly to make them capable of dam∣nation?
I Mean not of fals Alchimy beau∣ty, for then the question should be inverted, Why are the falsest fairest? It is not only because they are much solicited and sought for, so is gold, yet it is not so com∣mon; and this suit to them, should teach them their value, and make them more reserved. Nor is it because the delicatest blood hath the best spirits, for what is that to the flesh? perchance such constitu∣tions have the best wits, and there is
no proportionable subject, for wo∣mens wit, but deceit? doth the minde so follow the temperature of the body, that because those complexions are aptest to change, the mind is therefore so? Or as Bels of the purest metal retain their tinkling and sound largest; so the memory of the last pleasure lasts longer in these, and dispo∣seth them to the next: But sure it is not in the complexion, for those that do but think themselvs fair, are presently inclined to this multiplicity of loves, which being but fair in conceit are false in deed: and so perchance when they are born to this beauty, or have made it, or have dream'd it, they easily believe all addresses and applications of every man, out of a sense of their own worthi∣ness to be directed to them, which others less worthy in their own thoughts apprehend not, or dis∣credit. But I think the true rea∣son is, that being like gold in many properties (as that all snatch at them, but the worst possess them,
that they care not how deep we dig for them, and that by the Law of nature, Occupandi conce∣ditur) they would be like also in this, that as Gold to make it self of use admits allay, so they, that they may be tractable, mutable, and currant, have to their allay Falshood.
IS it because it is nearer the earth? But they whose profes∣sion it is to see that nothing be done in heaven without their consent (as Re—says in him∣self of Astrologers) have bid Mer∣cury to be nearer. Is it because the works of Venus want shadowing, covering, and disguising? But those of Mercury need it more; for Elo∣quence, his occupation, is all sha∣dow and colours; let our life be a sea, and then our reason and even
ons are winde enough to carry us whether we should go, but Elo∣quence is a storm and tempest that miscarries: and who doubts that Eloquence which must per∣swade people to take a yoke of soveraignty (and then beg and make Laws to tye them faster, and then give money to the in∣vention, repair and strengthen it) needs more shadows and colou∣ring, then to perswade any man or woman to that which is natu∣ral. And Venus markets are so natural, that when we solicite the best way (which is by marri∣age) our perswasions work not so much to draw a woman to us, as against her nature to draw her from all other be∣sides. And so when we go a∣gainst nature, and from Venus∣work (for marriage is chastitie) we need shadowes and colours, but not else. In Seneca's time it was a course, an un-Roman and a contemptible thing even in a Matron, not to have had a Love
beside her husband, which though the Law required not at their hands, yet they did it zea∣lously out of the Councel of Custom and fashion, which was venery of supererrogation:
Et te spectator plusquam de∣lectat Adulter,saith Martial: And Horace, be∣cause many lights would not shew him enough, created many Ima∣ges of the same Object by wain∣scoting his chamber with looking∣glasses: so that Venus flies not light, so much as Mercury, who creeping into our understanding, our darkness would be defeated, if he were perceived. Then ei∣ther this shadow confesseth that same dark Melancholy Repen∣tance which accompanies; or that so violent fires, needs some shadowy refreshing and inter∣mission: Or else light signifying both day and youth, and shadow both night and age, she pronoun∣ceth by this that she professeth both all persons and times.
THe Moon hath as many names, but not as she is a star, but as she hath divers go∣vernments; but Venus is multi∣nominous to give example to her prostitute disciples, who so often, either to renew or refresh them∣selves towards lovers, or to disguise themselves from Magi∣strates, are to take new names. It may be she takes new names af∣ter her many functions, for as she is supream Monarch of all Suns at large (which is lust) so is she joyned in Commission with all Mythologicks, with Iuno, Diana, and all others for marriage. It may be because of the divers names to her self, for her affecti∣ons have more names than any vice: scilicet, Pollution, Fornica∣tion, Adultery, Lay. Incest, Church-Incest, Rape, Sodomy, Mastupra∣tion,
Masturbation, and a thou∣sand others. Perchance her di∣vers names shewed her applia∣bleness to divers men, for Nep∣tune distilled and wet her in love, the Sun warms and melts her, Mercury perswaded and swore her, Iupiters authority secured, and Vulcan hammer'd her. As Hesperus she presents you with her bonum utile, because it is whol∣somest in the morning: As Vesper with her bonum delectabile, because it is pleasantest in the evening. And because industrious men rise and endure with the Sun in their civil businesses, this Star cals them up a little before, and remem∣bers them again a little after for her business; for certainly,
Venit Hesperus, ite capell•…•…e: was spoken to Lovers in the per∣sons of Goats.
Must the old Proverb, that Old dogs bite sorest, be true in all kinde of dogs? Me thinks the fresh memory they have of the money they parted with for the place, should hasten them for the re-imbursing: And perchance they do but seem ea∣sier to their suiters; who (as all other Patients) do account all change of pain, easie. But if it be so, it is either because the so∣dain sense and contentment of the honor of the place, retards and remits the rage of their profits, and so having stayed their sto∣macks, they can forbear the se∣cond course a while: Or having overcome the steepest part of the hill, and clambered above Com∣petitions and Oppositions they dare loiter, and take breath: Per∣chance being come from places,
where they tasted no gain, a lit∣tle seems much to them at first, for it is long before a Christian con∣science overtakes, or straies into an Officers heart. It may be that out of the general disease of all men not to love the memory of a predecessor, they seek to disgrace them by such easiness, and make good first impressions, that so ha∣ving drawn much water to their Mill, they may afterwards grind at ease: For if from the rules of good horfemanship, they thought it wholsome to jet out in a mode∣rate pace, they should also take up towards their journeys end, not mend their pace continually, and gallop to their Inns-dore, the grave; except perchance their con∣science at that time so touch them that they think it an injury & da∣mage both to him that must sell, and to him that must buy the Of∣fice after their death, and a kind of dilapidation if they by conti∣nuing honest should discredit the place, and bring it to a lower rent, or under-value.
PAracelsus perchance saith true, That every Disease hath his Exaltation in some part cer∣taine. But why this in the Nose? Is there so much mercy in this di∣sease, that it provides that one should not smell his own stinck? Or hath it but the common for∣tune, that being begot and bred in obscurest and secretest places, because therefore his serpentine crawling and insinuation should not be suspected, nor seen, he comes soonest into great place, and is more able to destroy the worthiest member, then a Di∣sease better born? Perchance as mice defeat Elephants by knaw∣ing their Proboscis, which is their Nose, this wretched Indian Vermine practiseth to doe the same upon us. Or as the ancient furious Custome and Connivency of some Lawes, that one might cut off their Nose whome he depre∣hended
in Adulterie, was but a Tipe of this; And that now more charitable lawes having taken a∣way all Revenge from particular hands, this common Magistrate and Executioner is come to doe the same Office invisibly? Or by withdrawing this conspicu∣ous part, the Nose, it warnes us from all adventuring upon that Coast; for it is as good a marke to take in a flag as to hang one out. Possibly heate, which is more potent and active then cold, thought her selfe injured, and the Harmony of the world out of tune, when cold was able to shew the high-way to Noses in Musco∣via, except she found the meanes to doe the same in other Coun∣tries. Or because by the consent of all, there is an Analogy, Proporti∣on and affection between the Nose and that part where this disease is first contracted, and therefore He∣liogabalus chose not his Minions in the Bath but by the Nose; And Albertus had a knavish meaning when he preferd great Noses;
And the licentious Poet was Na∣so Poeta. I think this reason is nearest truth, That the Nose is most compassionate with this part: Except this be nearer, that it is reasonable that this Disease in particular should affect the most eminent and perspicuous part, which in general doth af∣fect to take hold of the most e∣minent and conspicuous men.
BEcause women are become ea∣syer. Or because these la∣ter times have provided mankind of more new means for the de∣stroying of themselves and one another, Pox, Gunpowder, Young marriages, and Controversies in Religion. Or is there in true Hi∣story no Precedent or Example of it? Or perchance some die so, but are not therefore worthy the remembring or speaking of?
THey think that Feathers imi∣tate wings, and so shew their restlessness and instability. As they are in matter, so they would be in name, like Embroiderers, Painters, and such Artificers of curious vanities, which the vul∣gar call Pluminaries. Or else they have feathers upon the same reason, which moves them to love the unworthiest men, which is, that they may be thereby ex∣cusable in their inconstancy and often changing.
DOth it direct all the venom to the heart? Or is it because bribing should not be discover∣ed? Or because that should pay purely, for which pure things are given, as Love, Honor, Iustice
and Heaven? Or doth it seldom come into innocent hands, but in∣to such as for former foulness you cannot discern this?
IT is not hecause they are got nearest their secrets, for they whom they bring come nearer. Nor because commonly they and their bawds have lain in one belly, for then they should love their brothers aswel. Nor because they are witnesses of their weakness, for they are weak ones. Either it is because they have a double hold and obligation upon their masters for providing them surgery and remedy after, aswel as pleasure be∣fore, and bringing them always such stuff, as they shal always need their service? Or because they may be received and enter∣tained every where, and Lords fling off none but such as they
may destroy by it. Or perchance we deceive our selves, and every Lord having many, and, of neces∣sity, some rising, we mark only these.
IS it because as Physitians con∣templating Nature, and finding many abstruse things subject to the search of Reason, thinks ther∣fore that all is so; so they (seeing mens destinies, mad at Court, neck out and in joynt there, War, Peace, Life and Death derived from thence) climb no higher? Or doth a familiarity with greatness, and daily conversation and ac∣quaintance with it breed a con∣tempt of all greatness? Or because that they see that opinion or need of one another, and fear makes the degrees of servants, Lords and Kings, do they think that God likewise for such
Reason hath been mans Creator? Perchance it is because they see Vice prosper best there, and, bur∣thened with sinne, doe they not, for their ease, endeavour to put off the feare and Knowledge of God, as facinorous men deny Magistracy? Or are the most A∣theists in that place, because it is the foole that said in his heart, There is no God.
ARe they all wise enough to follow their excellent Pat∣tern Tiberius, who brought the senate to be diligent and industri∣ons to believe him, were it never so opposite or diametricall, that it destroyed their very ends to be believed, as Asinius Gallus had almost deceived this man by be∣lieving him, and the Major and Aldermen of London in Richard the Third? Or are businesses (a∣bout
which these men are con∣versant) so conjecturall, so sub∣ject to unsuspected interventions that they are therefore forc'd to speake oraculously, whisperingly, generally, and therefore escap∣ingly, in the language of Alma∣nack-makers for weather? Or are those (as they call them) Arcana imperii, as by whom the Prince provokes his lust, and by whom he vents it, of what Cloath his socks are, and such, so deep, and so irreveald, as any error in them is inexcusable? If these were the reasons, they would not only serve for state-business. But why will they not tell true, what a Clock it is, and what weather, but abstain from truth of it, if it conduce not to their ends, as Witches which will not name Je∣sus, though it be in a curse? ei∣there they know little out of their own Elements, or a Custom in one matter begetts an habite in all. Or the lower sort imitate Lords, they their Princes, these their Prince. Or else they be∣lieve
one another, and so never hear truth. Or they abstain from the little Channel of truth, least, at last, they should finde the fountain it self, God.