Canidia, or, The witches a rhapsody, in five parts / by R.D.

CANTO XV.

Socrates was given to Toys, Committed Sodomy with Boys. Phaedo came reeking from the Stews To Plato's School, this was no News. Dionysius took Plato by the Sweet-Tooth, A Trencher-Chaplain, forsooth. Democritus bor'd out his Eyes in all haste, Of purpose, that he might be Chaste.

Aristotle was very base, To put his Friend Hermias out of his Place. The same man flattered Alexander, Because he was a great Commander. Aristippus in Purple play'd the Sot, His seeming Gravity lov'd the Pot. Who would not send their Sons to School, if 'twere no more, Than to learn, how to get a Whore?

Aristippus had Laïs, As right, as the Corinthian Thaïs. Aristippus had all Gratis, Because he brought her Pupils Satis. Truly her Wits did not wander, She had a Philosopher for her Pander. That Youths, by their Masters Fame, Might frequent her without shame. Yet this Man, give him his Due, Is preser'd 'fore all the Gowned Crew.

Severus cry'd, O Jupiter, O all ye Gods, Ar••banus, and such as he, 'tis odds. They all live, and live so, As into Senate to come and go. Plato was crafty, false and loud, And all his Scholars prov'd proud. Socrates and Plato were Cuckolds and Panders, And yet all their Geese were Ganders.

Philosophers seek to mend us, And will mend themselves, ad Graecas Calenda••. When the Geese piss Holy-Water, I dare not be their Compurgator. Thus in the World we daily see Far greater Atheists, than we. We're such by Practise and Vocation, But they, by Deed and Speculation.

By the Laws of Oleron, (I had almost said of Oberon) Trial of Ordial, hot Plow-shares, Fighting with Swords and Spears.

But by Water, sink or swim, This is the right Witches Trim; This ducking make my eyes grow dim. But the wiser Rhodian Rules Had no such Tricks, made no such Fools, 'Tis bad jesting with Edg'd Tools.

Those that are high-flown i'th' Crown, The Jovial Boys in all the Town. What tho they wear a Sword or Gown? I say, such Rascals must come down. But for a poor old Toothless Dame, T'endure the Water, or the Flame. Watch whole Nights and Days, 'tis a Shame, And Hang, or Burn at last, there goes the Game.

‘ Hitherto, afore and aft, ‘ I've labour'd t'uphold my own Craft. ‘ But with all I've done my best, ‘ To beat down Hypocrisie and Interest. ‘ Those of all Sins would vex a Saint, ‘ Create just Causes of Complaint: ‘ For tho I be ne're so base, ‘ I loath that damn'd confounded Case.

‘ In this I know all of our kind, ‘ Will be exactly of my mind. ‘ Should Perfius's Muse, or Juvenal's tart Quean, ‘ Scold, till they should be cuckt in Hyppocrene. ‘ And having garbled every Sect, ‘ Invent strange Vices, only to correct. ‘ 'Mongst all their Gaol-delivery of Sins, ‘ Nothing there is whereat their Satyr grins, ‘ So bad as these.

‘ Tho we are counted damn'd Infection, ‘ We could give th'opprest Protection. ‘ And so bewitch the Extorting Furies, ‘ As to provide them Harpies Juries. ‘ To hang them up in th'Air a drying, ‘ Or Press them, to be long a dying. ‘ Send them therefore to us, and we'l scour'um, ‘ Cut them out in Sippets and devour'um. ‘ Teach them to oppress Mortals so, ‘ Without difference 'twixt Friend and Foe.

Tell us plainly, in a Word, Why Devils abhor a naked Sword? Why Spirits are afraid to enter, Into an enchanted Circles Center: And yet a hungry Mouse shall venter, And a Cat after her to shent her? Why are the Northern Devils worst, And of all others most Accurst?

Whither Enceladus's Tomb, Under Aetna's Fiery Room, Be the cause of that Flame and Smoke, Which the poor Neighbours burn and choke? What is Entelechia, I trow, Pluto's Idaea, that none can know? Whither do those Spirits fly, Darted from an Enchanting-Eye? What are the Rules of Fascination? Or the Best Forms of Incantation?

Whether 'tis worth a Revelation, If Chrystal be Ice of harder Congelation? If Coral be under water soft, And hardens when it comes aloft?

If Diamonds yield to Pistillation? If Goats-blood makes softness, or duration? We need not the tryal of Ordeal, To know if Gold be a Cordial.

If Porcellane or China-Ware, No less than an Age can prepare? If it rain Wheat, if Sheep drink? If Goats are sweet, or Jews stink? If Oak-Apples shew the Fates, Or if Camphire Eunuchates? Whether Vipers eat their way Out of their Dams belly, as they say? If it rains Porridge, I wiss, We may chance to lack a Dish?

Whether the old Accubations, Be the best postures at Collations? If it rain on Egypts ground? If Nilus measuring Wand be found? With what Glasses Archimedes did Ships burn? What Engine he had the Earth to turn? Shew me Cocks-Eggs, and Crows white? Turn me days into night? Teach me to walk out of sight?

Give me the true Weapon-Salve? Tell me what my Cow shall Calve? Shew me that fine Sight, Where the Devils painted White? Ephialtes, have a care, Whether it be Horse or Mare? Graecia mendax, Crete a Glutton, If Rogues or Whores best love Mutton?

If Gypsies be conterfeit Moors? The Spaniards turn'd the true out of doors. Jews and Gypsies, the only Nations, That do Penance Peregrinations. After wandring Dissipations, Shall they ever have Fixations? Gypsies are the Grand Signior's Spies, Imploy'd to fetcht and carry Lies.

If St. George, that fighting Saint, Was ever, as they now him paint? If Homer dyed by a Riddle? If Amphion to Fishes did Fiddle? If the Stork eats Snakes? Which the Ass loves best, Grass or Brakes? If a Star on Hemlock baits? If Hannibal knockt at Romes Gates? What is Fortune, or the Fates?

If for any thing Mushrooms are good? If any Islands were before the Flood? If Blood and Smoke be Daemons Food? Mahomet's Camel, Livy's Ox, Neapolitan, or Indian Pox? Tell me, if poor Robin Ruck, Be the Author of good Luck? Why Gentlemen Ushers have slender Legs? Of what use are Muscadine and Eggs?

Where are the Fragments of the Ark? Is not China a great Park? Tell me the Noblest sort of Roses? The best Persian and Roman Noses? If Orestes was bewitcht, Or if his guilty Conscience itcht?

Paracelsus dyed in the Portal Of's Age, that would make men Immortal. Milo at th' Olympiads carried an Ox, And after eat it up, with a Pox.

Whether Gyges his Ring, Discover'd every invisible thing? Shew me the Sabbatick Stream, Of which the Rabbi Jews dream? Sferra Cavallo serves to loose Iron Locks, and Horses Shoes. Had Scipio that Picklock from the Fates, He needed not so long battery at Carthage Gates?

Are Catadupae, one and all, Deaf as Millars, with Nilus Fall? Why Tulips never bear a Blew? Why Harlots wear a Virgin Hue. If Virgil was a Plagiary? How he came to be so Airy? If Vulturs all Females be, How were they got without a He? The Clergy may wish the Tenth Egg best; This is as true as all the rest.

If there be true Giants Bones? Aetites, or true Eagles Stones? Tell me, if Husbands be Proxies, In Labour, to secure their Doxies? Tell me, that Queen that ••ate I'th' Lap of her Fathers Assassinate? Had she the heart, a beastly Trull, To quaff with him in her Fathers Skull?

If Mahomet's Tomb, O Rare, Hangs like a Meteor in the Air? Magnetick Rocks, Chalybiat Mountains, Salt Springs, or Petrifying Fountains? Why no Blacks in America, Tho the same Clime with Africa? First Spawn, next Tadpole, last Frog, More work with them, than to make a Dog.

Iron Filaments weav'd to a Cloth, (To tell y'a Lye I would be loth.) Resist the Fire, if my Wit don't wander, More than the suppos'd Salamander. Could Vinegar eat out a way For Hannibal, o're the Alpes, I pray? How Philtrums, Ligatures, and Charms, Lustrations, Amulets, Characters do harms?

Anaxagoras, after a Bowl of Sack, Affirmed, that Snow was Black. Who was Autopta, but Adam? What Mother had he, but Ceres Madam? Ptolomy's Account was but from Nebonazzar, Who is the same with Salmonassar. Chaldaean Records, counted most good, Got up no higher than the Flood.

Arcadians rose very soon. Reckoning Elder than the Moon. The Sabbatick Seven thousand Year, Stops the Course of every Sphere. Tell me Chronologists, most sober, Began the World in March or October? In the Moons Full, or Prime, Was the Beginning of Time?

He shall be Mine and Apollo's Friend, That tells me, when the World shall end?

Butter will silence Bombylation, Earth and Blood have Circulation. Opium and Scammony will dead the blows, In Dog days tell me it Snows. Tartars vegetable Lamb, The Food of Wolves, is but a Flam. As if you said, a Sheep or Ram, Or the Devil and his Dam.

Bernacles or Goose Trees, Remora's, Common-wealth of Bees, At the North Pole Words Freez, Honesty lyes by the Lees. I should as soon endure Drunkenness, Statary for a Cure. In Nature, which is East and West; In Morals, which is Worst or Best? Of all Truths we may make a Jest, Need never come to be Confest.

Hunt after those strange Sights, Of Hares being Hermaphrodites. If Hares change Sexes too and agen, 'Tis work for Lawyers now and then. But not to lay all upon Hares, Nero's Coach was drawn by Hermaphrodite Mares. Hares multiply both ways, To make work for Hunters now-a-days.

Strange Mysteries in Generations, Hares and Womens Superfoetations.

Hares have Retro-Ʋrinations, As also Retro-Copulations. A Creature hard of finding, Every way turning and winding; Are their Laws always binding?

Was Judas hang'd upon an Eldar? (Here's a Health to Hanse in Keldar.) At the Root do Jews-Ears spring, For Quinsies, Medicine for a King. Could strangling such Virtue bring, To cure Choaking? sing Hey ding ding▪ Sir John Mandevil tells Ctesia's Tales, We are all drinking in Wales, 'Twill make us merry in Hills and Dales.

Where does the Eagle make his Nest, Why Storks affect Republicks best. 'Tis a very prety Jest, And much like all the rest. Whores would leave Savin, if Brakes or Fearn Would serve as well to kill a Bearn. Phylla and Mercury produces Boys, Which most of all are Womens Joys.

Dog finds his Master in the Night, Sooner than an Honest man by Light. If I should take Pliny the Naturalist, The Two thousand Authors Rhapsodist. Or Athenaeus of the same kind, I could not better please my mind. Why did Augustus's Pontifex Sacrifice, To Vulcan Ten thousand Prophecies? In contempt of Apollo's Rites, Erected the Order of Twelve Knights.

See plainly Nisa's Golden Lock, And the Ship Argos in the Dock; Bootes in his Boots and Frock. The great Syracuse Bulk, Holds Barns and Stables in her Hulk. When all Tongues were boyl'd in a Pot, Was Lingo Franc the Scum, or not?

Tell us, how Hydra's Seven Heads, Slept all together in their Beds? How Argus's hundred Eyes were bob'd? And the golden Orchard rob'd? The amorous Moon, stole to her Minion, Whole Nights kissing, sleeping Endymion. Caveare, Sack-Possits, and Cock Treadings, Were they Dishes us'd at Weddings?

In Naturalibus putis puris, I pray resolve me Quid Juris? Tell me whence Reason and Speech spring, If we see or hear Nothing? Why the Rich, that have no need of Dinners, Can find in their hearts to eat up poor Sinners? To be took by the Teeth, or be took by a Bribe, Prevails more than the Learning of a Scribe.

You'l ask me, Will I ne're a done? Tilt the Hogshead, make it run. Many foul Faults I have forgotten, You'l find the worst in the Bottom. War wherries Rome for Fluctus Decimanus, At Thule who shall entertain us?

Procopii opera Anecdota, Were call'd Arcana Historia.

In which Justinian was blam'd, And Bellisarius defam'd. To blast those Hero's he was not asham'd, With whom the same day he was not to be nam'd▪ So Epicurus, Seneca, Nicholas, of great Fames For Vertue, for Vice got unlucky Names. A Trick has been too often us'd, For Gallant men to be abus'd.

Occult Qualities, is a poor Come off, The last Refuge for a Cavelling Soph. I observe in all my Travels, Adam and Eve painted with Navels. A Midwife will resolve you, that none Are so, but such as are bred and fed in the Womb. Absyrtes scatter'd Limbs, who tore And re-joyn'd them; but that Witch Whore, Now I'm quite spent, I must give o're.