England's jests refin'd and improv'd being a choice collection of the merriest jests, smartest repartees, wittiest sayings, and most notable bulls yet extant, with many new ones never before printed to which are added XIII ingenious characters drawn to the life / the whole work compil'd with great care and exactness, and may serve as the witty-man's companion, the busie-man's diversion and the melancholy man's physick and recreation, calculated for the innocent spending of the winter evenings by H.C.

About this Item

Title
England's jests refin'd and improv'd being a choice collection of the merriest jests, smartest repartees, wittiest sayings, and most notable bulls yet extant, with many new ones never before printed to which are added XIII ingenious characters drawn to the life / the whole work compil'd with great care and exactness, and may serve as the witty-man's companion, the busie-man's diversion and the melancholy man's physick and recreation, calculated for the innocent spending of the winter evenings by H.C.
Author
Crouch, Humphrey, fl. 1635-1671.
Publication
London :: Printed for John Harris ...,
1693.
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Subject terms
English wit and humor.
Cite this Item
"England's jests refin'd and improv'd being a choice collection of the merriest jests, smartest repartees, wittiest sayings, and most notable bulls yet extant, with many new ones never before printed to which are added XIII ingenious characters drawn to the life / the whole work compil'd with great care and exactness, and may serve as the witty-man's companion, the busie-man's diversion and the melancholy man's physick and recreation, calculated for the innocent spending of the winter evenings by H.C." In the digital collection Early English Books Online. https://name.umdl.umich.edu/A35190.0001.001. University of Michigan Library Digital Collections. Accessed May 23, 2024.

Pages

Page 110

Witty and Grave SAYINGS.

1.

SOldiers in Peace, are like Chim∣neys in Summer.

2.

Painters are cunning Fellows, for they have a Colour for whatever they do.

3.

Coblers may be said to be good men because they set men upright, and are always mending Soles.

4.

A Prison is a good Instrument of Reformation, for it makes many Lewd Fellows staid men.

Page [unnumbered]

5.

Physicians, of all men, have the be•••• on't; for if they do well, the World proclaims it; if ill, the Earth covers it.

6.

Carpenters are civil and honest Fel∣lows, for they do all their business by Rule.

7.

Vertue is easier than Vice; for the Essential difference between Vice and Virtue is Truth and Falshood; and it is easier and less pains to tell Truth than a Lye; and for Vices of the Senses, Custom is all in all; for to one that has lived honestly, it is as much shame to commit Sin, as for another to abstain.

8.

At a certain Marriage, One let fall this Silver Saying, That Parents might forbid their Children an unfit M••••ch, but may not force their Consent to a fit one.

Page 112

9.

Aristippus being accus'd by a Strum∣pet for having got her with Child, an∣swered, Thou may'st as well, going through a Thorn-Hedge, tell certainly which Thorn prick'd thee.

10.

The Merits of a deserving Lady are enough to serve her for a Protection, amongst the Savage Indians; whilst their Rudeness and Barbarity knows not so perfectly to hate all Virtues, as some mens Subtilty does.

11.

Carry a Watchful Eye, upon Dan∣gers till they come to ripeness; & when they are ripe, let loose speedy hand: He that Expects them too long, meets 'em too soon, and gives advantage to the Evil. Commit their beginnings to Argus's Eyes, and their End to Bri∣••••••••'s hands, and thou art safe.

Page 113

12,

Fortune has no Power over Wis∣dom, but of Sensuality, and of Lives that Swim and Navigate without the Loadstone of Discretion & Judgment.

13.

Aristarchus Scoffingly said, That in old times hardly cou'd be found seven Wise Men throughout the World: But i our Days, says he, much ado there is to find so any Fools.

14.

Antisthenes being ask'd by one, What Learning was most necessary for Mans Life? Answer'd, To Vnlearn that which is Naught.

15.

Diogenes being ask'd in a kind of scorn, What was the Reason that Phi∣losophers haunted Rich Men, and not Rich Men Philosophers? Answerd, Because the former knew what they wanted, the latter did not.

Page 114

16.

When it was said to Anaxagoras, The Athenians have condemn'd you to dye; he said again, And Nature them.

17.

When Croesus for his Glory shew'd Solon his great Treasures of Gold, So∣lon said to him, If another comes that has better Iron than you, he will be Ma∣ster of all this Gold.

18.

Chilon us'd to say, That Gold was try'd with a Touchstone, and Men with Gold.

19.

Solon compar'd the People unto the Sea, and the Orators and Counsellors unto the Wind; for that the Sea would be calm and quiet if the Wind did not trouble it.

Page 115

20.

An Arch Blade us'd to say, That of all Trades the Midwives was the most commendable: For, says he, they live not by the hurts of other men, as Chyrur∣gions do; nor by the falling out of Friends, as Lawyers do; but by the Agreement be∣twixt Party and Party.

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