A new play call'd The Pragmatical Jesuit new-leven'd a comedy
Carpenter, Richard, d. 1670?

Act. 5. Scen. 4.

Enter Aristotle Junior well-apparel'd.
Arist.

I have seen a Sight here, per∣haps not unusual, yet strange to me: a Mountebank in this blind and uncouth part of the Suburbs, upon a common Stall. I took him for a Ballad-singer, till I came neer him: but finding him af∣terwards to be a Mountebank, I waited upon the sequel. He had his paints, his white and red for women; his powders of all colours; his perfumes, mixt and simple; his salves for all fores and griefs; he could abate the Drunkards rednesse, and fire in his face, and raise a pale co∣lour to beauty, from within: he could awake Appetite, set a man to sleep, by∣asse nature as he pleas'd: He could fur∣nish a man or woman with new teeth, new eyes, new ears, new noses, new arms, new legs: I expected when he would have said, new Heads, new Hearts. If my Ears scout it rightly for my Soul, I heard him say, that he could restore a lost Maiden-head. He spake contemptibly of drinking poisons: that, said he, the common Rabble and Rub∣bish of Mountebanks, the vile Offal of Quacksalvers can do. He suppled us with a Story of one Barthochabas an Au∣thor of Sedition amongst the old Jews, who so medicin'd his mouth, and ma∣nag'd a device in it, that he seem'd to vomit fire; and he profes't upon the Re∣putation of a Gentleman, that he had the Receipt: He put on with another Example of a man at Millan an Italian City, who washed his face and hands with scalding lead, as carelesly and as confidently, as a man washeth his hands and face with ordinary water; having first washed them with an extraordinary, new-found, and hardening water of his own: And of this water he protested as he was an Artist, he had a great Quanti∣ty. We had from him a whole fardle of such stuff. To all People that bought of his Trash to the value of Twelve-pence, he gave a printed Bill, designing the Place where he lies, and the manifold motions and out-walkings of his skill. I stood in the crowd while he staid upon the Stall; and when he came down and leyel'd himself with the People, I ob∣serv'd that speaking with several Persons, he did insinuate these or the like words; All men have a natural care of their Bo∣dies, but who regards his own Soul? If a simple Asse fals in the streets, many wise men run to lift the simple Asse up; but if a Man's Heart or Soul lies wallow∣ing in the dirt, such a Soul or Heart is not regarded; pray, come to my lodg∣ing: these words had their mysterious aim. Now this metaphysical Doctor, this all-able Mountebank with all his packs, and his knacks, is the Benedictine-Jesuite, whom I have us'd, and by whom I have been manifoldly abus'd. As I take it, he takes this way. The Bastille has chang'd me, and I believe he knows me not. I'le tosse a word or two with him as he passes.

Enter Lucifer like a Mountebank.
Lucif.

Our Army is vanish't, our Conventicles are quell'd and supprest: and we must be doing, be Soul-catching: By idleness the dead Sea has been long found dangerous. The Intelligencies alwayes move the Heavens: the Windes the Air and Sea: Fire is never out of Page  60 Action. Besides, Vespatian the Emperor was wise; Dule is odor lucri ex re quâlibet: Thus alwayes something comes in; and something has some savour. The Spani∣ards wittily, and with a Sarcasm call the Jesuits, Los teatinos, y los Padres Teati∣nos, the Teatines, and the Teatine Fa∣thers; from this Account: A Spanish Painter being scandal-struck by the Co∣vetousness of the Jesuits, drew a Picture after this manner: He hung in the upper∣most Part of his Table, a vast Purse of Money: He set round about it, in the lower parts; one of every sort of Men∣dicant Friers; who looked upwards wil∣lingly, yea devoutly upon it, but durst not touch it, as being forbidden by the Rules of their several Orders: He paint∣ed a Jesuite in some distance, armed with a Bow and Arrows, and looking over (and indeed over-reaching) the poor Mendicants: For, he held up his Bow, and had let his Arrow flie, which had struck the Mark (the Purse) and now stuck in it; he still keeping a fierce and eager eye upon the Mark: And the Painter had learnedly derived these Latin words from his mouth, hanging, as if the cold Air had frozen them into a Record, To attingo, ô Purse, I reach thee, I hit thee, I have thee: whence the Spaniards, being edified by the devotion of the Painter, and the holiness of the Picture, presently call'd the Jesuits, Los Teatinos, the Spa∣nish word coming up as neerly as it may, to the Latine, from which the Spanish Language hath deviated: But the Painter had excellently compleated his Piece, had he pictured our modern English Monk catching away the Purse, for which all the others gap'd, and which the Jesuite thought he had heart-struck.

Arist.

Sir, I am a most humble Peti∣tioner to you.

Lucif.

Where's your Petition?

Arist.

My mouth presents it, Sir.

Lucif.

My ears are open to receive it.

Arist.

That I may have leave to love you, and be your Scholar. I have been your Hearer, and you have transform'd me into a great Lover and Honourer of you.

Lucif.

What are your wants?

Arist.

I am wanting both in Soul and Body, Sir.

Lucif.

I can supply the wants of both: both I cure.

Arist.

Divine Mountebank!

Lucif.

Come to my Chamber.

Arist.

Pray, favour me with leave to wait upon you thither.

Lucif.

Most willingly.

Exeunt.